341 | Art of the Session: Role Play in CCPT - Staying Centered When the Child Assigns You a Role
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this episode of the Art of the Session series, I focus on how we engage in role play within child-centered play therapy sessions—and more importantly, how to do it without taking over the process. Role play often trips up even seasoned therapists, especially when we assume, ad-lib, or react without clarity. I share specific examples of how to stay grounded, use whisper or wonder techniques when unclear, and how to remain neutral in your tone and response—no matter how absurd, violent, or emotional the play might get.
Whether it's being assigned the role of a queen, a mom, or a turtle, it's essential that we don't bring our own scripts into the session. Instead, I explain how to wait, reflect, and let the child set the pace and parameters of the play—so we remain truly child-centered. This episode reinforces that every interaction—even pretend food, puppet bites, or birthday announcements—offers us an opportunity to respond without leading, interpreting, or disrupting the child's process.
PODCAST MEETUP @ APT Conference Oct. 11th, 7pm Houston, TX time. RSVP by clicking the link below. https://www.playtherapypodcast.com/meetup
PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!
Topical Playlists! All of the podcasts are now grouped into topical playlists on YouTube. Please go to https://www.youtube.com/@kidcounselorbrenna/playlists to view them.
If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948 Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
Available Results
Generated results are saved to the knowledge database for reuse and search.
Extract Knowledge
Pick what you want extracted first. Model, scope, and chapter options appear after a template is selected.
Transcript
0 00:00:00,469 --> 00:00:04,309 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks, 1 00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:08,210 your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:08,710 Hi, 3 00:00:08,810 --> 00:00:09,829 I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, 4 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:10,550 The Kid Counselor. 5 00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,670 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get 6 00:00:12,670 --> 00:00:15,010 a master class in child-centered play therapy 7 00:00:15,270 --> 00:00:17,329 and practical support and application for your 8 00:00:17,329 --> 00:00:18,979 work with children and their families. 9 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:20,700 In today's episode, 10 00:00:21,149 --> 00:00:25,870 we are continuing in art of the session and we are almost ready to wrap up. 11 00:00:25,989 --> 00:00:29,620 So next week will be our close out of the Art of the Session series. 12 00:00:30,049 --> 00:00:32,520 And I hope that it has been a help to you. 13 00:00:32,590 --> 00:00:32,840 I hope, 14 00:00:32,919 --> 00:00:34,319 I know many of you have reached out 15 00:00:34,319 --> 00:00:36,659 and said that it's been really grounding and really 16 00:00:36,919 --> 00:00:37,279 helpful. 17 00:00:37,319 --> 00:00:38,889 So that's always been my goal, 18 00:00:39,279 --> 00:00:41,159 but I hope that it has encouraged and inspired 19 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,110 you and given you more confidence in the playroom. 20 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:47,080 So we are going to talk about role play today. 21 00:00:47,970 --> 00:00:48,900 And 22 00:00:49,090 --> 00:00:55,049 this is one of the most consistent struggles when I watch Play Session videos. 23 00:00:56,169 --> 00:00:58,680 When we are tasked with. 24 00:01:00,009 --> 00:01:03,049 Playing a role or assuming a role in the playroom. 25 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:07,730 And sometimes we're not even asked to be in a role, 26 00:01:07,989 --> 00:01:11,930 but the child includes us in play and therefore 27 00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:15,370 we are interacting based on what's happening. 28 00:01:16,019 --> 00:01:18,610 We tend to go off the rails a little bit 29 00:01:18,860 --> 00:01:19,589 and so 30 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:21,419 I think this is gonna be really helpful. 31 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:26,379 I want to make sure that we are remaining adherent even when we are playing a role. 32 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:31,650 And whether that's because the child has told us you're going to be fill in the blank, 33 00:01:32,019 --> 00:01:32,529 or 34 00:01:32,819 --> 00:01:35,569 they come up and they engage with us playfully 35 00:01:35,940 --> 00:01:40,419 in either scenario how we respond to that in a fully CCPT manner. 36 00:01:41,669 --> 00:01:46,099 So one of the things that I've talked about before with the I wonder technique 37 00:01:46,809 --> 00:01:47,919 is we reserve 38 00:01:48,089 --> 00:01:52,639 I wonder statements for clinically relevant and necessary information. 39 00:01:53,769 --> 00:01:58,540 And the really exciting news is role play is one of those moments. 40 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:01,650 So you absolutely can use an I wonder statement. 41 00:02:02,930 --> 00:02:05,290 When you are not sure what you are supposed 42 00:02:05,290 --> 00:02:08,130 to do or say or how you're supposed to respond 43 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:09,410 in a play session. 44 00:02:09,970 --> 00:02:10,960 In other words, 45 00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:12,699 child says, 46 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,449 let's be pirates. 47 00:02:15,509 --> 00:02:15,669 All right, 48 00:02:15,779 --> 00:02:17,500 let me pause here because this is, 49 00:02:17,550 --> 00:02:17,720 I'm, 50 00:02:17,789 --> 00:02:19,699 I'm going off script rogue for a second, 51 00:02:19,910 --> 00:02:22,949 but it pops into my head and stream of consciousness is important. 52 00:02:22,990 --> 00:02:23,550 So 53 00:02:24,110 --> 00:02:26,300 what often happens is the child says, 54 00:02:26,550 --> 00:02:27,820 let's be pirates, 55 00:02:28,270 --> 00:02:29,179 and we go, 56 00:02:29,589 --> 00:02:31,059 I wonder what we were supposed to do. 57 00:02:31,429 --> 00:02:33,339 We so quickly 58 00:02:33,869 --> 00:02:36,899 react with an I wonder or a whisper technique, 59 00:02:37,169 --> 00:02:38,750 as soon as a child says, 60 00:02:38,830 --> 00:02:39,940 let's be pirates. 61 00:02:40,350 --> 00:02:42,009 Here's a really helpful tip. 62 00:02:43,110 --> 00:02:44,830 Reflect content and wait. 63 00:02:45,610 --> 00:02:46,669 So kid says, 64 00:02:46,919 --> 00:02:48,000 let's be pirates. 65 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:49,570 Oh, 66 00:02:49,679 --> 00:02:51,320 we're gonna be pirates. 67 00:02:52,429 --> 00:02:53,320 And wait 68 00:02:54,130 --> 00:02:55,639 We rush the pace 69 00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,279 of sessions often 70 00:02:57,770 --> 00:02:59,100 and not intentionally, 71 00:02:59,250 --> 00:03:01,570 not because we want it to be quicker, 72 00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,160 but because we just 73 00:03:04,330 --> 00:03:05,960 are ready for the next thing 74 00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:09,800 and if we sit in the pocket and we wait and 75 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:12,160 we give the child a little bit of time and space. 76 00:03:12,990 --> 00:03:14,350 The child will either go, 77 00:03:14,809 --> 00:03:15,250 come on. 78 00:03:16,350 --> 00:03:17,690 And then you say, 79 00:03:18,059 --> 00:03:19,770 I wonder what I'm supposed to do next. 80 00:03:20,539 --> 00:03:21,100 Or 81 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:22,410 we wait 82 00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:23,380 and the child goes, 83 00:03:23,660 --> 00:03:23,779 all right, 84 00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:25,619 you're gonna go over there and you're gonna put 85 00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:27,320 that hat on and you're gonna have the treasure, 86 00:03:27,339 --> 00:03:28,500 and then I'm gonna go over here. 87 00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:32,250 I promise if you give it some space, 88 00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:33,449 just wait a beat. 89 00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:37,479 You will know exactly what should happen next. 90 00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:42,919 We do not need to immediately respond with Tell me what I'm supposed to do. 91 00:03:43,330 --> 00:03:46,199 Just reflect content and it will unfold. 92 00:03:46,770 --> 00:03:46,970 OK, 93 00:03:47,089 --> 00:03:47,529 so now I'm, 94 00:03:47,669 --> 00:03:48,679 I'm back on target. 95 00:03:49,210 --> 00:03:52,800 So the whisper and wonder techniques very important in those moments 96 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,289 because we cannot just jump in. 97 00:03:56,750 --> 00:03:59,059 This is another thing that I see consistently. 98 00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:02,550 Child engages us in some way. 99 00:04:02,759 --> 00:04:03,509 Child tells us, 100 00:04:03,679 --> 00:04:04,529 I'm gonna be the robber, 101 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:05,630 you're gonna be the cop. 102 00:04:07,039 --> 00:04:08,380 And we just 103 00:04:08,679 --> 00:04:09,820 roll with that. 104 00:04:10,070 --> 00:04:10,240 Like, 105 00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:10,669 OK, 106 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:11,729 you wanted me to be the cop, 107 00:04:11,789 --> 00:04:13,339 so I have to, 108 00:04:13,589 --> 00:04:16,380 and we kind of have these expectations 109 00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,059 of role that we're supposed to fulfill. 110 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,350 And I will never forget, 111 00:04:21,390 --> 00:04:23,739 I think I might have shared this on a podcast before. 112 00:04:23,790 --> 00:04:25,630 I know I've talked about it in the coaching. 113 00:04:26,630 --> 00:04:27,920 I will never forget, 114 00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:29,649 early on in my career, 115 00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:33,880 I had a little girl sit in front of the dollhouse and she got all the family people out 116 00:04:34,529 --> 00:04:35,720 and she said, 117 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:36,899 OK, 118 00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,600 you're gonna be the mom and I'm gonna be the kid. 119 00:04:41,339 --> 00:04:41,829 And 120 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,269 I sat and waited. 121 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:43,750 I said, 122 00:04:43,799 --> 00:04:44,040 oh, 123 00:04:44,109 --> 00:04:44,309 OK, 124 00:04:44,459 --> 00:04:45,040 I'm the mom, 125 00:04:45,079 --> 00:04:46,000 you're the kid. 126 00:04:46,279 --> 00:04:46,959 And I waited, 127 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:48,109 and she goes, 128 00:04:48,660 --> 00:04:48,760 yeah, 129 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:49,040 OK, 130 00:04:49,119 --> 00:04:49,959 so be the mom. 131 00:04:51,130 --> 00:04:51,829 And I said, 132 00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,549 I don't know what the mom says. 133 00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:58,579 And I will never ever forget what came out of her mouth because 134 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:01,040 my connotation of a mom, 135 00:05:01,079 --> 00:05:02,510 I wasn't even a mother at that point, 136 00:05:02,559 --> 00:05:03,040 by the way, 137 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:03,510 but 138 00:05:03,799 --> 00:05:06,049 my connotation of a mom 139 00:05:06,359 --> 00:05:11,089 and how a mom would talk to a child and treat a child and interact with a child 140 00:05:11,679 --> 00:05:12,149 was 141 00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,049 my own construct. 142 00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:19,109 And it was about 180 degree difference than what she wanted me to say and do, 143 00:05:19,559 --> 00:05:20,709 because I said, 144 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,279 I don't know what the mom says. 145 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:23,589 And she goes, 146 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:24,850 Get in your room. 147 00:05:24,959 --> 00:05:25,799 You're grounded. 148 00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:27,130 You're not even getting dinner. 149 00:05:27,239 --> 00:05:27,910 And I mean, 150 00:05:28,399 --> 00:05:32,309 she was yelling and angry and saying really aggressive things. 151 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:35,480 And I just thought I would have never 152 00:05:36,119 --> 00:05:37,290 been a mom that way. 153 00:05:37,559 --> 00:05:39,549 But that's what she needed me to be. 154 00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:42,609 She needed me to be the mom that she needed me to be. 155 00:05:43,109 --> 00:05:44,209 So if I would have said, 156 00:05:44,519 --> 00:05:44,880 Morning, 157 00:05:45,059 --> 00:05:45,670 sweetie, 158 00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,519 are you ready for breakfast? 159 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:47,920 And 160 00:05:48,119 --> 00:05:48,480 however, 161 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:49,850 I was going to paint mom. 162 00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:52,859 It was not at all what she had in mind. 163 00:05:52,929 --> 00:05:54,239 It was not what she needed. 164 00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:56,119 It was not what she was working through. 165 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,010 This is why we cannot just jump into a role play 166 00:06:01,489 --> 00:06:03,109 because we have no idea 167 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,549 and I'm gonna get to reactions in a minute, 168 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:06,109 but 169 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:07,980 let's talk about jumping in. 170 00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:09,869 We can't make assumptions, 171 00:06:10,399 --> 00:06:13,309 we cannot assume or presume to know 172 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:18,350 what exactly it means when a child just gives us the title of the role, 173 00:06:18,519 --> 00:06:19,600 like you're the queen. 174 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:21,029 You're the cop, 175 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:22,230 you're the pirate, 176 00:06:22,559 --> 00:06:24,190 you're the turtle, 177 00:06:24,519 --> 00:06:25,739 you're the mom, 178 00:06:25,959 --> 00:06:26,989 you're the baby, 179 00:06:27,119 --> 00:06:28,070 you're the teacher, 180 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:29,269 you're the principal. 181 00:06:29,519 --> 00:06:31,350 We have no way to know 182 00:06:31,799 --> 00:06:33,630 in the child's mind in that moment. 183 00:06:33,709 --> 00:06:34,869 And let's be real clear, 184 00:06:35,079 --> 00:06:36,029 that moment, 185 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:39,399 it can be one thing and another moment it can be another thing. 186 00:06:40,489 --> 00:06:44,670 So sometimes it's not a consistent role that they want us to play, 187 00:06:44,890 --> 00:06:45,959 sometimes the teachers mean, 188 00:06:46,130 --> 00:06:47,929 and then 3 weeks later the teacher's nice. 189 00:06:48,679 --> 00:06:50,660 It doesn't necessarily remain static. 190 00:06:51,459 --> 00:06:55,260 But we certainly can't presume or assume we know what that looks like. 191 00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:56,609 Second of all, 192 00:06:56,989 --> 00:06:58,980 we do not want to ad lib. 193 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:00,640 So, 194 00:07:00,799 --> 00:07:03,350 when the child gives us the title of our role, 195 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:04,429 you're the queen. 196 00:07:05,799 --> 00:07:06,070 Oh, 197 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:07,309 you want me to be the queen. 198 00:07:08,269 --> 00:07:08,459 Yeah, 199 00:07:08,609 --> 00:07:09,959 so go sit on your throne. 200 00:07:10,329 --> 00:07:10,679 Oh, 201 00:07:10,769 --> 00:07:12,239 I have a throne to sit on, 202 00:07:12,529 --> 00:07:14,799 so then we sit on the throne and we wait. 203 00:07:15,890 --> 00:07:17,959 And then if we're given 204 00:07:18,529 --> 00:07:19,440 only a little bit, 205 00:07:19,489 --> 00:07:21,079 we're going to whisper or wonder. 206 00:07:22,089 --> 00:07:23,399 If we're given 207 00:07:23,829 --> 00:07:25,059 a little bit more, 208 00:07:25,869 --> 00:07:28,980 we can go with what we're told to do or say, 209 00:07:29,230 --> 00:07:30,820 but we do not ad lib. 210 00:07:31,109 --> 00:07:31,899 In other words, 211 00:07:32,109 --> 00:07:33,649 if the child says, 212 00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:35,630 order people around. 213 00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:37,989 OK, 214 00:07:38,230 --> 00:07:38,459 well, 215 00:07:38,630 --> 00:07:40,619 that's not enough of a clue, 216 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:43,070 because what are we ordering them to do? 217 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:46,799 And so order around. 218 00:07:46,829 --> 00:07:48,100 A lot of times we would think, 219 00:07:48,140 --> 00:07:48,470 oh well, 220 00:07:48,549 --> 00:07:48,670 I, 221 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,700 I was told I'm supposed to order people around. 222 00:07:50,869 --> 00:07:52,290 So we might start telling 223 00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,500 servants to feed us grapes and 224 00:07:54,869 --> 00:07:56,029 fan us with palm fronds. 225 00:07:56,070 --> 00:07:56,700 I don't know. 226 00:07:57,029 --> 00:07:58,820 I guess that's more like Egyptian, 227 00:07:59,510 --> 00:07:59,869 but 228 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:00,459 you know, 229 00:08:00,549 --> 00:08:01,500 we might have this 230 00:08:01,750 --> 00:08:02,989 construct in our head of like, 231 00:08:03,070 --> 00:08:03,260 oh, 232 00:08:03,269 --> 00:08:03,390 well, 233 00:08:03,429 --> 00:08:04,380 I want people 234 00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:06,579 ordering to, 235 00:08:06,630 --> 00:08:07,239 you know, 236 00:08:07,269 --> 00:08:08,359 serve me. 237 00:08:08,670 --> 00:08:10,019 What if it was 238 00:08:10,350 --> 00:08:12,720 order someone around to 239 00:08:14,049 --> 00:08:14,679 Go 240 00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:19,720 to the knight's quarters and get the horses ready and we're gonna have a battle, 241 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:23,049 and that's a totally different royal position, 242 00:08:23,059 --> 00:08:23,920 royal job. 243 00:08:25,369 --> 00:08:25,940 So, 244 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,720 we can't ad lib, 245 00:08:28,049 --> 00:08:29,079 we have to say, 246 00:08:29,529 --> 00:08:29,760 oh, 247 00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:31,519 I'm supposed to order people around. 248 00:08:31,869 --> 00:08:33,719 I wonder who I'm ordering around. 249 00:08:34,169 --> 00:08:34,929 The 250 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,469 The stable boy. 251 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:37,929 Oh, 252 00:08:38,039 --> 00:08:39,440 I wonder what I say to him. 253 00:08:40,510 --> 00:08:40,760 OK, 254 00:08:40,830 --> 00:08:44,500 and you can see you're always getting a specific prompt. 255 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:49,340 You don't just want to kind of go with where you think the child's play is taking you. 256 00:08:50,020 --> 00:08:51,059 And then finally, 257 00:08:51,309 --> 00:08:52,780 you do not want to react, 258 00:08:52,789 --> 00:08:55,799 and I think this one might be the the the trickiest of all, 259 00:08:56,510 --> 00:09:00,140 because we might master not assuming and we might master not adlibbing, 260 00:09:00,390 --> 00:09:03,140 but reacting is a little bit harder. 261 00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:06,890 So often when we are in a role, 262 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:09,489 and or the child is engaging with us. 263 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:11,400 We 264 00:09:11,619 --> 00:09:13,219 react to what's happening. 265 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:15,190 Let me share an example, 266 00:09:15,520 --> 00:09:17,400 child puts a puppet on 267 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,520 his or her hand. 268 00:09:19,119 --> 00:09:20,200 And comes up 269 00:09:20,469 --> 00:09:24,140 and with the mouth of the puppet wraps the mouth around your arm. 270 00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:25,789 Often, 271 00:09:26,039 --> 00:09:26,409 actually, 272 00:09:26,460 --> 00:09:28,260 probably most of the time. 273 00:09:29,169 --> 00:09:30,190 Therapists go, 274 00:09:30,510 --> 00:09:32,359 oh my goodness, 275 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:33,450 it's biting me, 276 00:09:33,599 --> 00:09:33,950 oh, 277 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:35,640 it's eating my arm. 278 00:09:37,289 --> 00:09:37,799 All right, 279 00:09:37,929 --> 00:09:38,419 well, 280 00:09:38,609 --> 00:09:40,119 that might be the case, 281 00:09:40,969 --> 00:09:41,599 or 282 00:09:41,770 --> 00:09:44,280 it might be far more helpful to say. 283 00:09:45,369 --> 00:09:45,820 oo, 284 00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,250 it's around my arm. 285 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:51,219 What if it's 286 00:09:52,030 --> 00:09:52,659 Kissing you. 287 00:09:52,710 --> 00:09:54,020 What if it's hugging you? 288 00:09:54,309 --> 00:09:55,549 What if it's 289 00:09:56,030 --> 00:09:58,380 something we have no way to know 290 00:09:58,750 --> 00:10:00,309 unless the child gives us the word. 291 00:10:00,390 --> 00:10:01,859 If the child comes up and says, 292 00:10:02,119 --> 00:10:02,630 watch this, 293 00:10:02,710 --> 00:10:04,500 it's gonna eat your arm off. 294 00:10:04,710 --> 00:10:06,409 Well then absolutely we would follow that 295 00:10:06,409 --> 00:10:08,140 metaphor and we would reflect that content. 296 00:10:08,190 --> 00:10:09,900 It's eating my arm off, 297 00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,190 but notice even then we're not reacting. 298 00:10:13,679 --> 00:10:15,169 Because we're prone 299 00:10:15,479 --> 00:10:17,030 if we get bitten 300 00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:20,450 or stabbed or shot or punched 301 00:10:20,799 --> 00:10:21,469 or 302 00:10:21,760 --> 00:10:22,359 eaten 303 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:23,309 or 304 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:24,200 whatever, 305 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:25,549 whatever the scenario is 306 00:10:26,239 --> 00:10:27,710 we tend to 307 00:10:28,119 --> 00:10:29,429 exaggerate 308 00:10:29,799 --> 00:10:30,919 our response. 309 00:10:32,190 --> 00:10:36,320 I don't know if a child walks up with a knife and stabs me in the neck. 310 00:10:37,109 --> 00:10:39,919 Y'all have those retractable knives in your playroom 311 00:10:40,229 --> 00:10:42,909 where they can walk up and it literally looks like they stabbed 312 00:10:42,909 --> 00:10:44,659 you because the hilt goes all the way to your skin. 313 00:10:44,869 --> 00:10:45,510 Those are amazing, 314 00:10:45,549 --> 00:10:46,219 by the way. 315 00:10:46,390 --> 00:10:46,909 But 316 00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,500 if you have one of those and you get stabbed in the neck. 317 00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:51,679 You can say, 318 00:10:52,010 --> 00:10:52,669 oh, 319 00:10:52,849 --> 00:10:54,299 the knife's in my neck. 320 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:56,070 But 321 00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,650 are you supposed to be crying in pain? 322 00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,549 Are you supposed to be dead? 323 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:02,840 Are you supposed to be gushing blood? 324 00:11:03,239 --> 00:11:04,659 Are you supposed to be moaning? 325 00:11:04,799 --> 00:11:06,349 Are you supposed to be stoic? 326 00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:08,510 Are you supposed to just sit there? 327 00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:09,679 Are you supposed to be shocked? 328 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:10,880 Are you supposed to be scared? 329 00:11:12,049 --> 00:11:12,760 We don't know. 330 00:11:14,059 --> 00:11:16,409 So your most helpful strategy 331 00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:17,210 is 332 00:11:17,340 --> 00:11:18,450 to be calm 333 00:11:18,739 --> 00:11:20,130 and to be factual, 334 00:11:20,380 --> 00:11:24,099 and to be accurate in your acknowledgement of what has happened. 335 00:11:25,359 --> 00:11:26,210 No reaction. 336 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:27,890 You get shot with 337 00:11:28,179 --> 00:11:29,099 a dart gun. 338 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:32,559 So many therapists 339 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,510 pretend to keel over and die. 340 00:11:35,080 --> 00:11:35,280 I mean, 341 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:35,559 like, 342 00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:35,960 seriously, 343 00:11:36,159 --> 00:11:36,880 eyes rolled back, 344 00:11:37,039 --> 00:11:38,070 tongue hanging out, 345 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:42,169 and like arms open wide and they like splay back across the chair. 346 00:11:43,179 --> 00:11:44,289 Did the child say, 347 00:11:44,539 --> 00:11:44,710 Ha, 348 00:11:44,830 --> 00:11:45,609 I killed you. 349 00:11:47,809 --> 00:11:48,960 If not, 350 00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:50,320 you don't know 351 00:11:50,570 --> 00:11:51,559 whether or not 352 00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:52,599 that bullet, 353 00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:54,119 you might be invincible, 354 00:11:54,330 --> 00:11:55,799 you might have superpowers, 355 00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:57,599 you might have immediate healing, 356 00:11:57,929 --> 00:11:59,940 you might have bulletproof armor on, 357 00:12:00,250 --> 00:12:02,340 you might be an armadillo and 358 00:12:02,570 --> 00:12:04,440 bullets can't go through your shell. 359 00:12:04,650 --> 00:12:05,169 You might, 360 00:12:05,489 --> 00:12:06,650 who knows. 361 00:12:07,489 --> 00:12:08,250 The child, 362 00:12:08,359 --> 00:12:09,429 but no one else. 363 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,130 So therefore, 364 00:12:11,719 --> 00:12:13,109 if the child doesn't say, 365 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:13,440 Ha, 366 00:12:13,570 --> 00:12:14,549 you're dead, 367 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:15,719 then you can't say, 368 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:16,190 Oh, 369 00:12:16,359 --> 00:12:17,000 I'm dead. 370 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:17,950 You shot me. 371 00:12:18,119 --> 00:12:18,919 And here's the other thing, 372 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,390 even if the child says, 373 00:12:20,479 --> 00:12:21,390 you're dead, 374 00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,840 we don't roll our eyes and stick out our 375 00:12:23,840 --> 00:12:26,229 tongue and splay backwards with our arms open, 376 00:12:26,479 --> 00:12:27,049 we go, 377 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:27,679 Oh, 378 00:12:27,729 --> 00:12:28,440 I'm dead, 379 00:12:28,510 --> 00:12:29,320 and we wait. 380 00:12:30,570 --> 00:12:33,130 Because we don't know what the reaction is supposed to be, 381 00:12:33,169 --> 00:12:34,200 and here's the beauty of this. 382 00:12:34,210 --> 00:12:35,719 If you are adherent to this, 383 00:12:35,849 --> 00:12:37,919 if you are consistent with this, 384 00:12:38,169 --> 00:12:39,380 you just calmly, 385 00:12:39,650 --> 00:12:40,369 factually, 386 00:12:40,489 --> 00:12:43,309 accurately acknowledge what has happened. 387 00:12:43,929 --> 00:12:44,169 Oh, 388 00:12:44,250 --> 00:12:46,679 it's around my arm back to the puppet. 389 00:12:46,849 --> 00:12:48,239 The knife's in my neck, 390 00:12:48,409 --> 00:12:49,559 back to the stabbing. 391 00:12:49,849 --> 00:12:50,099 Oh, 392 00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:51,130 you shot me. 393 00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,559 If you just acknowledge what happens, 394 00:12:54,719 --> 00:12:56,190 the child learns 395 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:58,469 that if they need you to react, 396 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,869 if they need you to say or do or feel something, 397 00:13:02,080 --> 00:13:02,869 they'll tell you. 398 00:13:03,849 --> 00:13:05,840 You won't even have to whisper and wonder 399 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:09,030 at some point because they will become so accustomed 400 00:13:09,409 --> 00:13:11,690 to giving you the cues and the prompt because 401 00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:14,090 they know that you're not going to react. 402 00:13:15,549 --> 00:13:17,320 And here's why this is so important. 403 00:13:17,409 --> 00:13:17,750 I don't, 404 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:18,770 I don't want to 405 00:13:18,979 --> 00:13:22,289 belabor this if you don't understand the value of why we're talking about this. 406 00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:23,770 Kids 407 00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,539 work on what they need to work on. 408 00:13:26,359 --> 00:13:30,400 And every single thing they do in their play has meaning and significance and value. 409 00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,890 So the child has this train of thought going where 410 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:37,679 they need ultimate power and they need ultimate control, 411 00:13:37,969 --> 00:13:41,530 and they're going to kill people because that's the most powerful thing. 412 00:13:41,609 --> 00:13:42,840 If you can take someone's life, 413 00:13:42,929 --> 00:13:44,880 you are absolutely the most powerful. 414 00:13:45,369 --> 00:13:47,809 And so there's this whole power control thing going on. 415 00:13:48,789 --> 00:13:49,299 And 416 00:13:49,510 --> 00:13:50,119 you 417 00:13:50,849 --> 00:13:52,299 Get stabbed in the neck 418 00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:53,299 and you go, 419 00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:54,469 oh my gosh, 420 00:13:54,549 --> 00:13:55,190 that's funny, 421 00:13:55,229 --> 00:13:56,469 you just stabbed me in the neck. 422 00:13:57,390 --> 00:13:59,580 That does not fit at all 423 00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:02,549 with the narrative that was going on in the child's head. 424 00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,859 And we have to be really careful 425 00:14:06,190 --> 00:14:10,190 about allowing that to play out the way the child needs and wants it to, 426 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:11,950 and that's why we don't 427 00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:14,030 assume or react or ad lib 428 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,609 because the second we do, 429 00:14:15,669 --> 00:14:19,219 we run the risk of it taking the play in a different direction, 430 00:14:19,239 --> 00:14:19,719 #1, 431 00:14:19,780 --> 00:14:20,280 #2, 432 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,150 distracting the child from what they're actually working on, 433 00:14:23,440 --> 00:14:24,270 or number 3, 434 00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:25,659 interfering with 435 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:27,070 the work that's being done. 436 00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:30,250 The child will always cue you 437 00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:31,630 if you don't 438 00:14:32,099 --> 00:14:34,369 make a judgment call on your own. 439 00:14:34,619 --> 00:14:35,770 And the longer you do it, 440 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,020 the more kids learn, 441 00:14:37,179 --> 00:14:38,979 they have to give you prompts. 442 00:14:39,099 --> 00:14:40,609 So more often than not, 443 00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:42,260 now in play sessions, 444 00:14:42,940 --> 00:14:44,570 something will happen and the kid will go, 445 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:45,409 say this, 446 00:14:45,859 --> 00:14:46,539 do this, 447 00:14:46,780 --> 00:14:47,530 pick that up, 448 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:48,299 go over there, 449 00:14:48,419 --> 00:14:48,770 go, 450 00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:49,890 oh no. 451 00:14:50,869 --> 00:14:51,090 Uh, 452 00:14:51,099 --> 00:14:51,919 when I stab you, 453 00:14:51,929 --> 00:14:53,169 you're really scared. 454 00:14:53,859 --> 00:14:58,609 They've learned because I'm so neutral that they are going to give me 455 00:14:58,780 --> 00:15:00,580 the response that they want me to have. 456 00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:02,840 That is CCPT. 457 00:15:03,250 --> 00:15:05,239 That is child centeredness. 458 00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:06,799 That is being with. 459 00:15:06,969 --> 00:15:08,799 I'm never going to do anything 460 00:15:08,929 --> 00:15:11,010 that might derail if I can help it. 461 00:15:11,909 --> 00:15:13,299 what the child needs to do. 462 00:15:13,630 --> 00:15:15,900 That's why role play is so important. 463 00:15:16,349 --> 00:15:16,630 And I mean, 464 00:15:16,669 --> 00:15:20,539 this extends even to simpler things like when someone gives you 465 00:15:20,869 --> 00:15:22,070 food that they made for you. 466 00:15:23,059 --> 00:15:26,450 They do a whole lot of nurturing and caregiving play and they cook food, 467 00:15:26,739 --> 00:15:28,090 and they do 468 00:15:28,739 --> 00:15:29,729 a plate for you, 469 00:15:29,739 --> 00:15:31,619 and they bring it over to you and they say, 470 00:15:31,679 --> 00:15:32,099 eat it. 471 00:15:33,150 --> 00:15:34,140 Well, 472 00:15:34,590 --> 00:15:36,530 you're not supposed to go, 473 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,020 mm, 474 00:15:37,109 --> 00:15:38,059 it's delicious, 475 00:15:38,109 --> 00:15:39,559 it's so good. 476 00:15:40,179 --> 00:15:41,900 What if it has arsenic in it? 477 00:15:42,190 --> 00:15:44,289 What if it was made with garbage? 478 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,780 What if it 479 00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:47,979 has rotten milk in it? 480 00:15:48,429 --> 00:15:51,299 You have no way to know what your response is supposed to be. 481 00:15:51,710 --> 00:15:53,330 So you take a bite and you say, 482 00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:53,789 hm, 483 00:15:53,830 --> 00:15:55,210 I'm eating the food you made. 484 00:15:56,380 --> 00:15:56,969 And you wait. 485 00:15:57,880 --> 00:15:59,109 Because they might go, 486 00:15:59,479 --> 00:15:59,640 yeah, 487 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,229 tell me that it's amazing, 488 00:16:02,599 --> 00:16:03,590 or they might go, 489 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,500 do you taste the soap that I put in it? 490 00:16:06,679 --> 00:16:07,359 It's gross, 491 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:08,080 isn't it? 492 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:09,030 And then you can go, 493 00:16:09,119 --> 00:16:09,299 oh, 494 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:10,080 it's gross, 495 00:16:10,119 --> 00:16:11,200 there's soap in it. 496 00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:15,080 But we're always waiting for the prompt. 497 00:16:15,179 --> 00:16:15,969 Similarly, 498 00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:17,140 with 499 00:16:17,549 --> 00:16:19,130 when a child tells you something, 500 00:16:19,380 --> 00:16:20,609 and this isn't really role play, 501 00:16:20,619 --> 00:16:22,119 but this goes along the same vein. 502 00:16:22,260 --> 00:16:23,690 When a child tells you something, 503 00:16:24,099 --> 00:16:25,539 it's my birthday this weekend. 504 00:16:27,059 --> 00:16:28,260 We're prone to go, 505 00:16:28,429 --> 00:16:29,179 oh my gosh, 506 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:30,700 it's your birthday. 507 00:16:30,940 --> 00:16:32,330 That's so exciting. 508 00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:34,500 That's assumptive, 509 00:16:34,650 --> 00:16:35,739 it's presumptive, 510 00:16:35,849 --> 00:16:36,919 it's reactive. 511 00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:38,830 What if that kid 512 00:16:39,479 --> 00:16:40,400 for 3 years in a row, 513 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:42,789 no one's gotten them one present for their birthday? 514 00:16:43,299 --> 00:16:45,739 What if last year everyone forgot about their birthday? 515 00:16:46,719 --> 00:16:49,119 What if their birthdays this weekend and they're scared to 516 00:16:49,119 --> 00:16:51,270 death that mom's not gonna show up to the party? 517 00:16:52,510 --> 00:16:54,260 We have no way to know 518 00:16:54,630 --> 00:16:57,099 what is going on when a child tells us something, 519 00:16:57,669 --> 00:16:59,659 so reflect content neutrally, 520 00:16:59,989 --> 00:17:01,549 your birthdays this weekend. 521 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:03,070 And wait 522 00:17:03,880 --> 00:17:05,479 If they need to process it, 523 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,469 if they want you to know feelings and deeper stuff, 524 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:09,880 they'll let you see it. 525 00:17:10,239 --> 00:17:11,069 If they don't, 526 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,189 you want to communicate that you heard them 527 00:17:13,358 --> 00:17:15,709 and that you're listening and that you understand, 528 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,130 but you certainly don't want to assume and react. 529 00:17:19,170 --> 00:17:19,939 Because 530 00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:22,959 that's our way of leading and guiding 531 00:17:23,170 --> 00:17:24,800 what happens inadvertently, 532 00:17:24,839 --> 00:17:27,170 and we want to make sure that we caution against that. 533 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:29,650 So I hope that that is helpful. 534 00:17:29,699 --> 00:17:33,500 We are going to wrap up Art of the Session series next week. 535 00:17:33,750 --> 00:17:34,859 Really looking forward to that, 536 00:17:34,869 --> 00:17:36,410 and then we'll dive into something new. 537 00:17:36,469 --> 00:17:39,939 We're gonna do some one-off topics for a little bit as kind of a palette cleanser, 538 00:17:39,949 --> 00:17:40,500 if you will. 539 00:17:41,109 --> 00:17:42,420 And reminder, 540 00:17:42,589 --> 00:17:45,479 we are meeting in Houston on October 11th. 541 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:48,660 So if you are able to be there, 542 00:17:48,910 --> 00:17:52,670 please RSVP in the show notes so that I have a headcount. 543 00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:54,020 I'm really looking forward to that. 544 00:17:54,109 --> 00:17:55,430 So many of you have already signed up, 545 00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:57,339 so I think it's going to be so much fun. 546 00:17:57,589 --> 00:17:58,109 I love y'all. 547 00:17:58,189 --> 00:17:59,030 We'll talk again soon. 548 00:17:59,229 --> 00:17:59,430 Bye. 549 00:18:00,589 --> 00:18:03,349 Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. 550 00:18:03,510 --> 00:18:04,469 Brenna Hicks. 551 00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:06,550 For more episodes and resources, 552 00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:11,459 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.