194 | Why Children Don't Clean Up the Playroom in Child-Centered Play Therapy

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered Play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I am answering another question from Danielle from Georgia.

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She actually sent two in, in one email

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so I'm batch

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answering so that I can get a whole bunch done.

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And this is the second one from Danielle. So the question is

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I've been trained to let the child decide whether to clean up

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as this can be a cathartic way for them to leave their feelings in the playroom.

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If they ask, do I need to clean up? I normally take a filial approach and respond with.

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You can do almost anything in here. You can choose to clean up if you'd like.

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How do you manage clean up in the CCPT approach?

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Sometimes I feel some children might benefit from

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the social skill of learning to clean up,

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but I also know my job isn't necessarily to teach lessons.

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Ok.

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So Danielle, I think you've largely answered your own question.

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But I think this is helpful for a lot of therapists that are new to CCPT. So

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we'll dive into this.

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So first and foremost,

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they never clean up unless they choose to. So let me unpack what that looks like

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the process is that the child plays and we clean. So that's the phrase that we use.

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So if a child says,

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do I have to clean this whole mess up or who has

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to pick all these toys up or this is really messy?

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So does that mean that I have to put all this away?

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First of all, we understand what's driving that question, right?

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So there's some concern, there's some worry, there's some fear,

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there's probably some people pleasing

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anxiety. There's a lot of things that drive those kinds of questions.

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So our response is,

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oh, you're wondering if you need to pick up,

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but in here it's your job to play and it's my job to clean.

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So the notion of

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do I need to clean up and you can choose to clean up if you'd like,

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that's actually not CCPT adherent because

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as you mentioned earlier in your question,

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it can be cathartic for to leave their feelings in the playroom.

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That's exactly why we don't clean up.

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Essentially what's going on

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is

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when they play,

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that's their conversation with us.

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Those are their feelings, those are their experiences,

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those are all of the things that they're dealing with their issues,

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their struggles.

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So when they play things out,

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that's their communication

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and it would be the equivalent of an adult therapist meeting with an adult,

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the adult sharing everything they need to share verbally

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and then the therapist going,

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yeah, take all that back. I don't, I don't wanna have to deal with that.

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So similarly to ask a child to clean up or say you

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can choose to clean up if you'd like because there are kids that

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even though they haven't been told to, they will feel like they have to.

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And so there is something very healing and very

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cathartic about them leaving their feelings in the playroom

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and keep in mind,

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we're essentially holding those things for them

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when they leave it in the room

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and that is relational and that is connective and that is supportive.

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So when they know that they can come in and process anything

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and we'll hold it for them and take care of it for them

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that allows them to continue their work.

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So we do not ever

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expect them to put it away or tell them that it's their choice. What their choice is is

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it's my job to clean up. It's your job to play.

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However some kids will still choose to clean up.

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So and that and that's usually your highly anxious kids, your perfection to kids,

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your people pleasing kids,

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they will choose to clean up.

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So in that case, we respond a little bit differently.

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We say, oh, you're choosing to put the, the toys away even though, you know,

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it's my job to clean up.

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So we're acknowledging what the child is doing.

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We don't try to convince them otherwise,

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but we remind them that it's our job to clean their job to play.

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And then we acknowledge out loud and you're choosing to put stuff away, even though,

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you know, you don't have to

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over time, those kids will stop cleaning up.

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So that is a process that they're going through.

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So it's ok if they choose to put it away.

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But it is only when they've already been told that it's

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our job to clean up if they choose to anyway,

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we know there's something more going on there

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and related aside,

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it's very,

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very important that we explain the process

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to parents in our initial parent consultation.

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Because if at any point,

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the child does not clean up and says that to the parent

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or the parent sees the playroom and that it hasn't been picked up

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or there's any awareness on the parents part of the room staying quote messy,

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often parents will guilt and shame their children about not cleaning up.

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And that thwarts the process and it undermines the

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freedom that the child center play therapy room affords.

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So parents need to be very aware from the very first meeting.

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And once the child finishes playing,

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it's always my job to clean the child does not have to clean the playroom.

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That's part of my clean up process after the child leaves.

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So you have to make that explicitly clear to a parent.

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And then if they were to say anything, you would remind them,

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just like you remind the child,

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oh, you want your child to clean up. But you know, that's my job.

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And so then it's being reinforced for the child's sake and the parent's sake.

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So then there truly is the freedom and the ability

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to leave the mess if they need or want to.

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And that's the goal.

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All right, Danielle, thanks for that question as well.

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And I look forward to answering more questions.

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I'm trying to get a daily question answered

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for the next stretch so that we can get caught up.

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So I hope that you're enjoying the, the daily

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change. We're used to two days a week. We're going five now

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sans the Labor Day weekend on Monday.

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So anyway, hopefully that you can maybe binge listen to some of these questions

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and get caught up on a whole bunch at once. Love y'all talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.