#30 The Marshes

As a doctor, would you write me a reference letter 0:00:10.680 --> 0:00:11.559 for medical school? 0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:13.240 Yes, I would write a reference letter. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:14.800 Yeah, what would it say in it? 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:18.320 It wouldn't necessarily be favorable, Jonathan. 0:00:18.720 --> 0:00:20.720 I'm sure a little bit favorable. 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:22.000 Here. 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:24.279 Let me get you started, Okay, to whom it may concern, 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:28.360 go ahead, you take it over, Go ahead. 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:33.800 John Yeah, you would be a terrible doctor, the worst ever. 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.519 You don't listen, and you just keep going on and on. 0:00:36.560 --> 0:00:37.560 You'd be doing all the talking. 0:00:37.800 --> 0:00:39.880 Yeah, but a doctor has to ask questions to find 0:00:39.880 --> 0:00:40.800 out the symptoms. 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:43.920 Yeah, but you wouldn't actually listen to the answer because 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.280 you don't listen. You would be arguing with patients talking 0:00:47.280 --> 0:00:52.360 about yourself if you'd be thinking about something else, like whoa. 0:00:52.720 --> 0:01:01.600 Alex just liked one of my tweets from Gimblet Media. 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:08.840 I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight today's episode The Marshes. 0:01:20.560 --> 0:01:23.440 I first met Steve marsh at my brother in law's wedding. 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:27.800 In conversation that night, Steve was given to making soulful 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:32.800 observations punctuated by the word man. Steve is a big guy, 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.760 shaggy haired, and comfortable in his own skin. He's a 0:01:36.760 --> 0:01:39.679 little like the dude, no matter where he is or 0:01:39.720 --> 0:01:42.839 what the occasion, he gives off the impression of wearing 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:47.840 a comfy bathrobe flung open wide to the world. It's 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:51.200 perhaps also worth mentioning, though, while Steve wasn't invited to 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.520 the wedding per se, all the guests were both happy 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:58.160 and unsurprised to see him. Of course Steve would be there, 0:01:58.600 --> 0:02:01.680 and his entrance felt like a lovable Saint Bernard had 0:02:01.760 --> 0:02:04.920 just wandered into the reception hall. Would you send a 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:08.840 wedding invitation to a Saint Bernard? Of course not, but 0:02:08.919 --> 0:02:13.120 would you be darned pleased to see one show up? Absolutely. 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:20.520 The next time Steve and I crossed paths was at 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:24.480 another wedding. While everyone was inside drinking and eating, I 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:29.120 found Steve outside, standing by the Hudson River, looking preoccupied. 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:33.600 It was there, smoking from his pack of Menthols, that 0:02:33.639 --> 0:02:37.000 Steve told me about his mom and a secret she'd 0:02:37.000 --> 0:02:41.680 been carrying around in shame for almost forty years. Steve 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:44.760 said the only reason he even knew about it was 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:47.800 because it had slipped out by accident, and now that 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:50.400 it had he didn't know what to do about it. 0:02:51.440 --> 0:02:54.320 So after the wedding. We set aside some time to talk. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:56.000 How's father had gone. 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:59.359 Man, it's great, it's really great. Before getting into it, 0:03:00.080 --> 0:03:04.000 I catch up. He's just gotten engaged, and because he's Steve, 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:07.960 their proposal he made was an elaborate production, involving a 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:11.560 ring baked into a cake and an entire restaurant of 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:16.320 people cheering. His fiancee crying makes regular guys like me 0:03:16.400 --> 0:03:17.200 look real bad. 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:19.600 I know, man, her brothers are pissed at me too. 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.960 They're like, great, job, dude. 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:24.360 With the pleasantries out of the way, we get to 0:03:24.400 --> 0:03:29.040 the unpleasantry. His mom's secret. Steve says he first learned 0:03:29.040 --> 0:03:31.360 of it in two thousand and eight on the fourth 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:31.840 of July. 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:37.200 I was riding my bike and my phone was going 0:03:37.240 --> 0:03:41.040 off like NonStop, and I thought it was like a 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:43.400 girl or a drug dealer. It was like late, you know, 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.640 it's like two in the morning. So finally I pulled 0:03:46.640 --> 0:03:49.200 my bike over and I saw I was my sister. 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.520 My sister had called like fifteen or sixteen times, you know. 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:57.000 Steve's sister, Megan Marsh, was up at the family sprawling 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:01.840 trailer lot in rural Minnesota, a place they marshland on 0:04:01.920 --> 0:04:05.680 summer holiday weekends, it's tradition for the entire Marsh clan 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.280 to head to Marshland to drink, hang out and just 0:04:09.360 --> 0:04:12.960 be the Marshes. Seeing all the calls from Megan, Steve 0:04:13.040 --> 0:04:15.040 worried there was trouble up at Marshland. 0:04:15.600 --> 0:04:17.640 As I called, and I was like, what's going on? 0:04:18.240 --> 0:04:24.960 And she was hysterical, you know, like if you knew 0:04:25.000 --> 0:04:28.640 that we had And I was like, wait. 0:04:28.560 --> 0:04:33.640 Hold on, I'm trying to get all this out, and 0:04:33.680 --> 0:04:35.320 I'm crying and hysterical. 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:37.400 This is Steve's sister. 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:37.880 Megan. 0:04:38.560 --> 0:04:41.839 Between violent sobs, she explained to Steve what had happened 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.600 up at Marshland. Steve's parents had gone to bed, but 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.360 Megan continued to hang out with a handful of people 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:49.640 around the bonfire. 0:04:50.120 --> 0:04:54.240 There's highly five seven of us sitting around the fire 0:04:55.080 --> 0:04:57.720 and we start talking about Weedi Bords. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.120 So to keep up her end of the conver Megan 0:05:01.160 --> 0:05:03.760 tells the group an anecdote about her mom, how a 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:07.160 Ouiji board had accurately predicted the main facts of her 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:11.640 mom's life. It had prophesied her future husband's initials p 0:05:12.080 --> 0:05:15.160 M for Pete Marsh, as well as the amount of 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.520 kids or mom would have three. 0:05:18.160 --> 0:05:20.600 And my aunt is sitting, you know, all three feet 0:05:20.600 --> 0:05:24.920 away from me, and my aunt said, well, she had 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:35.200 four kids. And initially I'm confused. You know, I've been 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:38.279 drinking a little bit, so it's slowly coming into my brain. 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:43.760 What's happening. I looked down at my fingers and Cony, Stephen, me, Kevin, 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:48.120 what what are you talking about? And then I look 0:05:48.240 --> 0:05:52.920 up around the fire. Everybody stopped. Everybody's silent, and they're 0:05:52.920 --> 0:05:53.960 all staring at me. 0:05:55.200 --> 0:05:58.840 So standing in this park talking to my sister on 0:05:58.880 --> 0:06:03.440 the fourth of July, she told me that my parents 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:08.560 had another child, that we had another sibling that they 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:12.440 gave up for adoption years before they married. 0:06:13.640 --> 0:06:16.440 The Marsh kids were full grown adults when they learned 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:20.239 of their full sibling, a little girl one hundred percent 0:06:20.360 --> 0:06:30.320 Marsh that their mom had named Lisha. When Steve's parents, 0:06:30.440 --> 0:06:33.560 Geene and Pete, started dating, it was just a fling, 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.000 and when Jeane became pregnant, they decided to put the 0:06:37.000 --> 0:06:40.839 baby up for adoption. The unusual thing, though, is that 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:44.800 after that Jeane and Pete ended up staying together. Seven 0:06:44.880 --> 0:06:48.640 years later they had Steve, and now they've been married 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:52.680 for almost fifty years, but all the while, neither of 0:06:52.680 --> 0:06:55.880 Steve's parents ever spoke of their eldest child. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:07:00.320 In my family is like shockingly open, so that the 0:07:00.360 --> 0:07:05.840 fact that they sat on this secret it was wild. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.279 It's now been years since the truth came out, and 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:12.160 the Marshes want to do something with that truth. But 0:07:12.200 --> 0:07:16.600 Steve says, procrastination is a family trait, and in this case, 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:20.680 decades of his mother's shame has turned that procrastination into 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:24.720 total inertia. But Lisha is never far from any of 0:07:24.760 --> 0:07:27.600 their thoughts. Megan wonders what it would be like to 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:31.080 finally have a sister, and Steve's younger brother, Kevin, wonders 0:07:31.080 --> 0:07:34.520 if Lesha's a redhead like him. Kevin scans every room 0:07:34.560 --> 0:07:39.040 for red hair. And then there's Steve's dad. A few 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:42.000 days after the secret slipped out, Steve met up with him, 0:07:42.320 --> 0:07:43.440 as he does every week. 0:07:43.960 --> 0:07:47.360 My dad is a retired truck driver and kind of 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:50.640 a tough guy, and every Monday night we shoot shotguns 0:07:50.720 --> 0:07:51.840 together in the summertime. 0:07:52.800 --> 0:07:55.320 In the car on the way to go shooting, Steve 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:58.240 asked his dad how often he thought about Lisha, and. 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:02.360 He said every day. And we drive it's like a 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:07.000 half hour drive on the freeway, and about halfway there, 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:11.240 I no, shit, man, this is like a short story thing. 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:16.480 It's almost too corny. But there was two ducks, like 0:08:16.560 --> 0:08:20.920 two adult ducks and three little baby ducks crossing the 0:08:20.960 --> 0:08:24.840 freeway and my dad dipped like deep into the shoulder 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:29.480 of the freeway and then recover the car and like 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:32.480 we waited a while, and he's like, did you see 0:08:32.520 --> 0:08:36.120 me miss those ducks? And I was like, yeah, yeah, 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:39.920 And it's one of the few times I've seen my 0:08:40.000 --> 0:08:40.560 dad cry. 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.880 But as much as the Marshes think about Lisha, when 0:08:46.880 --> 0:08:49.280 it comes to actually trying to find her, they're all 0:08:49.320 --> 0:08:50.440 waiting on Steve's mom. 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:54.319 I think my dad for as much of an alpha 0:08:54.640 --> 0:08:59.640 tough guy. I think my mom runs his shit, you know. Yeah. Yeah, 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:03.000 So it's kind of up to her, and I think 0:09:03.080 --> 0:09:06.960 she is scared about what maybe she'll find out, like 0:09:07.600 --> 0:09:12.440 if Licia has hard feelings about this, or if Alicia's 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:16.319 life didn't go as well as it could have, or 0:09:16.920 --> 0:09:20.840 how Lesha will feel to meet her family that's intact 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.120 and went on to have three more kids, like and 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:24.120 wouldn't that be weird? 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.640 Sure, the family's intact, and as Steve explains, the Marsh 0:09:28.679 --> 0:09:31.720 kids are all close and doing well now. Megan has 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.960 a career as a nurse, Steve writes, and Kevin repairs 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:38.120 home appliances. But growing up there were a lot of 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:41.440 drugs and a lot of trouble. Kevin had a serious 0:09:41.480 --> 0:09:45.079 meth problem, and Steve and Megan drank too much. Steve 0:09:45.120 --> 0:09:47.840 almost flunked out of high school, and Kevin and Megan 0:09:47.880 --> 0:09:51.200 both dropped out. There was one Christmas the Marshas spent 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.680 visiting Kevin in treatment, and one weekend Steve spent in 0:09:54.760 --> 0:09:57.600 jail because he and Kevin got into a brawl over 0:09:57.640 --> 0:09:59.200 a Beastie boy CD. 0:09:59.440 --> 0:10:04.000 And I'm just like Leisha, who was raised in a 0:10:04.040 --> 0:10:09.240 totally separate environment. I just wonder what she's like. You know, 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:15.000 our house was so loud when growing up, and uh like, 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:17.719 I always thought my family's kind of weird. Like they 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:22.320 drink windsor seven up, like it's gonna be vanishing from 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:23.160 the face of the earth. 0:10:23.240 --> 0:10:25.280 So what what is windsor seven up? 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.080 That's a that's the Marsh family drink man. 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:30.600 I pardon my ignorance. 0:10:30.800 --> 0:10:33.640 Seven and seven man, it could be seagrams too. Canadian 0:10:33.720 --> 0:10:36.360 whiskey and lemon lime soda. 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:40.600 But finding out whether Lesha is like a Marsh steeped 0:10:40.600 --> 0:10:43.160 in windsor and chaos isn't so simple. 0:10:43.920 --> 0:10:46.679 So the hospital no longer exists. 0:10:46.600 --> 0:10:48.840 The hospital where your mom had her. 0:10:49.200 --> 0:10:52.160 Right and it was a close Catholic adoption, like my 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:55.520 parents never met the couple that adopted Lesha. 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.720 Steve has no information about where Lisha ended up. He 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:06.840 had a friend with connections run the name Lesha Marsh 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:11.000 through an FBI database but found nothing. It's almost certain 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:14.800 Lisha's name isn't even Lisha anymore. Because it was a 0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:17.400 closed adoption, the only way to reach her is through 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.800 the adoption agency. Steve's mom has to write Lisha a 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:24.440 letter asking to make contact, but whenever she's trying to 0:11:24.440 --> 0:11:27.040 write in the past, her sense of shame gets the 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.319 better of her, Like. 0:11:28.280 --> 0:11:30.160 She wants to do it, she said she would do it, 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:34.480 Like what do I do you know? Like how do 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:35.400 we make this happen? 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:44.320 And this is why Steve has come to me. He 0:11:44.400 --> 0:11:47.680 needs a spur to action, someone who isn't a Marsh 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:49.440 to make sure the letter gets written. 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:52.840 We could use some help. It's almost like when you 0:11:52.880 --> 0:11:56.080 want to like go to the gym or something, just 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:59.200 like have somebody else who's going with you, like some 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:03.240 kind of account of ability. Because when we talk about 0:12:03.240 --> 0:12:05.440 it as a family, and we do whenever we get together, 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.640 like my parents are all game for it, but then 0:12:09.640 --> 0:12:12.240 it just doesn't happen, and it hasn't happened. 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:16.760 Do you need to really kind of show up with 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.840 a pad of paper and a pen and you know, 0:12:20.000 --> 0:12:22.520 place it on the table in front. 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:24.559 Of her, right, like, let's do this now. 0:12:25.640 --> 0:12:28.080 And so, in a bid to do this now, I 0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.680 tell Steve to phone his mom and tell her to 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:34.640 clear her schedule because his wedding friend Jonathan is boarding 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:38.040 a plane to Minnesota and heading straight to their house 0:12:38.480 --> 0:12:40.319 to make sure she writes that letter. 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:44.280 I just think we need a little help, you know. 0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.400 Yeah, Wow, what you need is your mother to get 0:12:48.440 --> 0:12:52.920 off her aff. 0:12:51.880 --> 0:12:54.000 So who is this guy? 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.160 Just tell me again. 0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:01.440 After the break, if this guy pays a visit to 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:16.559 the marshes Hi in Minneapolis. I picked Steve up in 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.400 my airport rental and we head to his parents' house 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:23.240 for some letter writing. He's nervous, which is not helped 0:13:23.280 --> 0:13:26.280 by my economy sized car. Do you have a you 0:13:26.320 --> 0:13:30.320 have an up room. How tall a man are you? 0:13:30.600 --> 0:13:30.760 Six? 0:13:31.720 --> 0:13:35.120 Steve struggles to shoehorn his body into the passenger seat. 0:13:35.559 --> 0:13:36.640 Do you want to set the back seat? 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:37.600 You could? 0:13:39.760 --> 0:13:44.320 I'm sorry, I'm so good. Although Steve says it's all 0:13:44.400 --> 0:13:48.560 good thanks to my Minnesotan to American translator, app, I 0:13:48.640 --> 0:13:51.080 know that he's in fact, deeply resentful. 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:54.439 You're gonna have to direct me because I don't know 0:13:54.480 --> 0:13:56.240 where your parents live, But wouldn't. 0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:01.840 It be weird if they did. We arrive at Steve's 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:06.120 parents place. It's a one story rambler, cluttered and cozy. 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:09.600 Hi, I'm Jean. 0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.400 We settle in around the kitchen table. Pete makes his 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:20.240 way through his daily two pots of coffee, and Jeane 0:14:20.280 --> 0:14:23.760 quietly stares down at a blank piece of paper to 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.320 help spur her letter writing. I asked how she and 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:30.320 Pete first met, and Jeane becomes animated, telling me about 0:14:30.320 --> 0:14:33.000 a party at which Pete stumbled in late with a 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:33.800 group of friends. 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:38.200 They were all drunk. I can't remember if he kissed 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.080 me on the knee and bit me in the ankle, 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:41.160 or vice versa. 0:14:41.520 --> 0:14:45.960 That's like what the serpent did in the biblical story. 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:48.760 So and I should have never eaten that apple. 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.640 Soon after, Jeane moved into a new apartment building, where, 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:56.960 in a delightful sitcom twist, Pete was living right down 0:14:56.960 --> 0:15:01.400 the hall. That Thanksgiving, Pete stopped by Jean's place, drank 0:15:01.400 --> 0:15:04.800 her entire bottle of Windsor, then drunkenly proceeded to show 0:15:04.800 --> 0:15:06.160 the dinner guests as gun. 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.400 Guns are no big thing for me, because I got 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:10.040 them laying all. 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:10.480 Over the place. 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.200 To illustrate, Pete reaches on top of the kitchen cupboard 0:15:14.320 --> 0:15:17.920 and pulls down a forty five automatic. He places it 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.760 on the table next to the pie that Steve brought. 0:15:21.640 --> 0:15:23.480 How many guns do you have hitten around the house. 0:15:24.240 --> 0:15:27.479 There's one over on the fireplace downstairs. 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:36.520 The party, the bottle of windsor the gun. These are 0:15:36.560 --> 0:15:39.400 all parts of the marsh family origin story that Steve 0:15:39.480 --> 0:15:42.280 knows well. But the part of the story that Steve 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:45.040 has never heard is house parents went from a casual 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:47.480 fling to a decade's long marriage. 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:54.520 I'm pregnant. I went home and told my mother, and 0:15:54.720 --> 0:15:58.240 she flipped out on me. I remember leaving and I 0:15:58.520 --> 0:16:01.160 was down the basement with my mother in the laundry room. 0:16:01.640 --> 0:16:04.760 I just remember running up the stairs and crying and 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.640 getting in the car and driving back to my apartment 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:12.320 because I was trash in her mind. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:17.240 Jeane came from a strict Catholic family. When she got pregnant, 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:20.200 her mother told her she could only visit home after dark, 0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.640 carrying a coat in front of her stomach. At one 0:16:23.680 --> 0:16:26.840 point during the pregnancy, Jean slipped on the ice and 0:16:26.920 --> 0:16:28.840 had to go to the hospital for hemorrhaging. 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:33.800 And my mother came into the hospital and said, you 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:40.040 can't even have a baby, right. I mean, she was 0:16:40.280 --> 0:16:45.200 so disappointed in me. I don't think she ever forgave 0:16:45.280 --> 0:16:49.280 me for that. That's the one thing I said to 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:52.800 her before she died, is I am sorry for disappointing you. 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:58.680 Lisia was born premature, so the doctors kept her at 0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.680 the hospital for a week. This meant Jean ended up 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.680 spending a week with her newborn daughter. 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:11.040 I remember holding her and crying and telling her, you 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.239 know that I hoped she'd have a good life, and 0:17:14.480 --> 0:17:17.600 said I'm sorry that I couldn't keep her. 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:23.040 After that week, Jean signed away her parental rights. 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.240 I didn't think I could raise a child by myself. 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:33.000 But she never said what he never said hey, let's 0:17:33.040 --> 0:17:36.000 get married and raise this baby or and I never 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:40.600 said it either, but his mother, Alice, just took me 0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.760 in as this. You know, I felt like I was 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:47.560 part of the family. So I felt this family loved 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:50.240 that I wasn't getting from my own family. 0:17:51.160 --> 0:17:51.399 You know. 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:56.520 Pete's mom told Jean how much the whole family liked her, 0:17:56.840 --> 0:17:59.399 how they hoped she would be the one, and that 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.919 painful time brought Geene and Pete closer. They ended up 0:18:02.960 --> 0:18:06.760 really falling in love, and eventually they did get married, 0:18:07.800 --> 0:18:11.280 and all this time, Lesha, responsible for them growing into 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:14.960 love together, having three more kids, being a family for 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:18.960 going on fifty years, was out there somewhere living a 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:21.160 different life with a different family. 0:18:21.960 --> 0:18:24.840 And I don't know that, Dad, and we've never sat 0:18:24.880 --> 0:18:28.800 down like this and talked about it. It's just kind 0:18:28.840 --> 0:18:31.880 of something that happened forty eight years ago. 0:18:40.000 --> 0:18:43.320 For forty eight years, Gene is quietly marked Alesha's birthday 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:47.080 by repeating the same silent prayer. I hope she's having 0:18:47.160 --> 0:18:51.160 a good life. And it's that hope that ironically made 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:54.680 Jeane think twice about ever searching for Lesia. She told 0:18:54.680 --> 0:18:57.560 herself that if Flicia was happy, she didn't need to 0:18:57.560 --> 0:19:00.760 disrupt that happiness by introducing her to the Marshes. And 0:19:00.800 --> 0:19:01.760 they're chaos. 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:07.399 Our family was so loud and so you know, drug 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:11.359 use and you know, not going to school, and it 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:15.600 seems like there was always so much going on. Did 0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:19.960 I really want to bring somebody else into that? It 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:24.760 was problems that I was bringing her into more problems. 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:26.360 It was hectic. 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:32.280 Yeah, it was more than hectic. See, and I'd go 0:19:32.560 --> 0:19:35.800 do my avon door to door and somebody would say, 0:19:35.960 --> 0:19:37.879 would you like to come in for a minute, And 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:40.760 I'd sit down, And I always said it was like 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:44.119 I was sitting down in their beige. You know, they 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:49.040 had this peaceful house, neet, nothing out of place, and 0:19:49.480 --> 0:19:53.359 then I'd walk in here and it'd be like jangled. 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:59.600 So while Steve's motivation for seeking out Lesha is pretty simple. 0:20:00.160 --> 0:20:02.160 He has a sister and he wants to meet her, 0:20:02.760 --> 0:20:06.600 for Jean, it's more complicated. Her greatest hope is that 0:20:06.720 --> 0:20:09.360 Lesha is happy and well, that she did the right 0:20:09.400 --> 0:20:12.440 thing in giving her up. But if Lisha is good, 0:20:12.800 --> 0:20:15.800 didn't fall into drugs, did do well in school, and 0:20:15.880 --> 0:20:18.840 had a good life in the Beige, then trouble wasn't 0:20:18.840 --> 0:20:21.879 something genetic, a fate that runs through the marsh blood. 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:27.520 It was the Jean's thinking something in the parenting, her parenting. 0:20:36.320 --> 0:20:40.040 I just want I want the kids more or less, 0:20:40.080 --> 0:20:44.000 to be prepared that she may not want anything. 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:44.680 To do with us. 0:20:45.200 --> 0:20:48.240 I'm open to meeting her. I'm open to just pictures, 0:20:49.480 --> 0:20:51.800 open to having her tell me I'm a piece of shit. 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:57.720 That's fine. I'm willing to do whatever she wants because 0:20:57.720 --> 0:21:03.359 I feel the ball is in her court. Worst case 0:21:03.400 --> 0:21:06.600 scenario would be if sh had passed away and I never. 0:21:07.960 --> 0:21:08.240 Tried. 0:21:12.800 --> 0:21:14.240 Did you want to have pie? 0:21:14.280 --> 0:21:14.520 Now? 0:21:14.840 --> 0:21:15.000 Oh? 0:21:15.040 --> 0:21:16.080 Should I get the ice cream? 0:21:16.160 --> 0:21:16.440 You want? 0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:16.920 Ice cream? 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.399 Steve serves the mixed berry pie that he brought and 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:21.960 turns us to the matter at hand. 0:21:23.160 --> 0:21:26.000 So do you want to try the writing the letter? 0:21:26.160 --> 0:21:27.880 Yeah? 0:21:28.119 --> 0:21:29.119 We should do it now. 0:21:29.200 --> 0:21:34.000 So yes, because your mother is a procrastinator. Oh, I 0:21:34.040 --> 0:21:36.879 am too, but you probably got it from me. 0:21:39.000 --> 0:21:41.560 If Lisha's the procassionaire too, that's the only way we'll know. 0:21:43.160 --> 0:21:45.880 Jeane finds it easier to talk than to write, so 0:21:45.920 --> 0:21:49.040 Steve offers to type the letter as Jane speaks it aloud. 0:21:49.640 --> 0:21:52.679 Then you can copy it down by hand. Jean stares 0:21:52.720 --> 0:21:54.840 down at the table, trying to get started. 0:21:57.880 --> 0:22:02.160 I don't know what to say. I feel bad because 0:22:02.200 --> 0:22:07.240 we stayed together, right, and I feel like it's been 0:22:07.320 --> 0:22:11.399 forty eight years now, Why you're coming around now, is 0:22:11.440 --> 0:22:12.479 what she'll be thinking. 0:22:13.680 --> 0:22:15.359 Oh, just say I, how are you? 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:26.440 I remember your name, I remember your birthday. I remember 0:22:26.520 --> 0:22:32.399 holding you and telling you that I wanted you to 0:22:32.480 --> 0:22:45.720 have a good life. Lisha, I'm stumbling for words, wondering 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:53.040 how to, probably because it's been so many years, but 0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:56.200 wondering how to, I mean, how to explain the fact 0:22:56.200 --> 0:22:59.720 that I haven't tried to contact you all this. 0:23:00.520 --> 0:23:03.000 I don't think we need to get that heavy mer mom, 0:23:03.200 --> 0:23:05.560 give me a call. But also you do want to. 0:23:05.680 --> 0:23:08.919 You want to acknowledge why this was meaningful to you. 0:23:08.920 --> 0:23:12.879 You know, you're like, it's tough. 0:23:13.200 --> 0:23:22.080 God, three years after you were born, your father and 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:27.440 I were married or got back together, while we got 0:23:27.480 --> 0:23:34.440 back together right after. Oh god, see now it all 0:23:34.520 --> 0:23:37.240 seems so stupid. 0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:44.879 But like you can't change the past, and you needed 0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:48.440 to live through this in order to have respective on it. Yeah, 0:23:48.480 --> 0:23:52.800 so three years after you're born, your father and I 0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:53.800 were married. 0:23:55.200 --> 0:24:01.160 And now have two sons and a daughter. Who are 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:05.199 open to make a contact or it does open. 0:24:05.400 --> 0:24:07.440 So I think all of us would like to meet 0:24:07.480 --> 0:24:12.600 you if when you're ready. I don't think maybe it 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:14.240 needs to be any more than that. That's good. 0:24:15.080 --> 0:24:17.720 And then just put our names and. 0:24:20.600 --> 0:24:23.880 We all watch as Gene copies the letter over by hand. 0:24:25.040 --> 0:24:25.600 He did good. 0:24:25.680 --> 0:24:28.000 Gee, thank you. 0:24:32.400 --> 0:24:35.520 Steve and I head back to the rental for a while. 0:24:36.000 --> 0:24:40.840 We just sit there. I think that they're going to 0:24:41.000 --> 0:24:42.160 get those forms off. 0:24:42.520 --> 0:24:44.560 It's going to happen this week, for sure. 0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:46.199 You really think so? 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:47.000 Yeah, I think so. 0:24:48.600 --> 0:24:55.760 It doesn't happen. It doesn't happen in the next month 0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:59.000 or the one after that. Partly because Steve hasn't been 0:24:59.000 --> 0:25:02.560 spurring his mom. Since we all sat down in Jean's kitchen, 0:25:02.880 --> 0:25:05.719 Steve has developed second thoughts about contacting Lisha. 0:25:06.560 --> 0:25:10.000 I'm just nervous that she's like angry about the way 0:25:10.040 --> 0:25:14.800 things turned out, and I'm nervous, so, like, what kind 0:25:14.840 --> 0:25:18.560 of impact y'all have with my mom. I've had some 0:25:18.600 --> 0:25:21.159 conversations with friends It's like, what are you doing this for? 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:27.920 I don't know, like there's real potential for sadness. 0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:32.280 Two more months pass and I'm having trouble being a 0:25:32.320 --> 0:25:39.080 spur to Steve's spurring. Hey Steve, it's Jonathan speaking, just 0:25:39.080 --> 0:25:42.400 calling to check in. I can't get a hold of anyone, 0:25:43.119 --> 0:25:49.200 mister and missus marsh This is the man who came 0:25:49.240 --> 0:25:52.440 over to your home some time ago. Another two months 0:25:52.520 --> 0:25:56.840 go by and still no movement, and so I decide 0:25:56.920 --> 0:25:59.960 that maybe it's better to just leave them be. Maybe 0:26:00.080 --> 0:26:02.639 the Marshes would rather just forget the whole thing and 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:05.280 go back to being the same Marshes they always were. 0:26:13.320 --> 0:26:17.480 Hello Jeene, Yes, high Jonathan. 0:26:18.560 --> 0:26:21.280 And then, after a half a year of foot dragging, 0:26:21.600 --> 0:26:24.760 I unexpectedly get word that Gene has mailed the letter 0:26:24.960 --> 0:26:29.080 and the application. From there, a social worker was assigned 0:26:29.119 --> 0:26:32.800 to the case. Her job to find Lisha and ask 0:26:32.840 --> 0:26:36.000 if she's open to receiving Jane's letter. And not long 0:26:36.040 --> 0:26:39.200 after that, the social worker gave Jane an update. 0:26:40.000 --> 0:26:47.200 She got a call from Alesia and she said she 0:26:47.800 --> 0:26:50.879 was very open to seeing my letters. 0:27:08.800 --> 0:27:13.960 Okay, that's coffee, Yeah, I have a coffee, mom. 0:27:14.440 --> 0:27:16.119 I brought Canoley's and. 0:27:16.200 --> 0:27:19.679 Back at the Marshes to catch up. Oncelicia said she 0:27:19.800 --> 0:27:22.720 was open to seeing Jeane's letter, the social worker mailed 0:27:22.720 --> 0:27:26.919 it onto her, but after that Jean heard nothing for months. 0:27:27.720 --> 0:27:31.120 Then one afternoon at work, Jean got an email from 0:27:31.119 --> 0:27:35.480 the social worker, the subject, having read the letter you've 0:27:35.520 --> 0:27:39.399 been waiting for. Attached was a scanned copy of a 0:27:39.480 --> 0:27:40.560 letter from Lesia. 0:27:41.520 --> 0:27:46.399 Dear Jean and Pete, thank you for your patience while 0:27:46.480 --> 0:27:51.400 I formulate my first response to your letter. My name 0:27:51.480 --> 0:27:54.480 is Natalie and I grew up in a suburb of Minneapolis. 0:27:54.800 --> 0:27:58.120 Lesha is now Natalie, and it turns out she grew 0:27:58.200 --> 0:28:01.199 up just twenty miles from where the marshal left. Her 0:28:01.240 --> 0:28:04.040 adoptive parents are even graduates of the same high school 0:28:04.040 --> 0:28:07.840 as Jeanne. Growing up, Natalie always knew she was adopted, 0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:10.800 and she loved the parents who raised her. Natalie is 0:28:10.840 --> 0:28:12.359 now married with two kids. 0:28:12.720 --> 0:28:15.800 The best advice I've received since I opened your letter 0:28:16.280 --> 0:28:19.160 was to take it slow. And then she sent a 0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:21.600 picture when she was a little girl. 0:28:22.520 --> 0:28:23.679 Do you see a resemblance. 0:28:24.119 --> 0:28:25.680 Oh, she's definitely a marsh Man. 0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:33.520 Yeah, Dear Natalie. Pete and I were so happy to 0:28:33.600 --> 0:28:37.520 receive your letter and picture. It was truly an answer 0:28:37.600 --> 0:28:40.800 to my prayers. Let me know if you have any questions, 0:28:40.920 --> 0:28:43.200 I will try to answer them to the best of 0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:44.520 my ability. 0:28:45.040 --> 0:28:47.480 And so a correspondence begins. 0:28:47.760 --> 0:28:50.360 You're Gene and Pete. Dear Natalie, who did I get 0:28:50.480 --> 0:28:53.320 my auburn hair from? Heete was a redhead? Can I 0:28:53.400 --> 0:28:56.440 thank for my uni brow? When I was young? Grandfather 0:28:56.520 --> 0:29:00.160 had very bushy eyebrows, so he's probably the call for 0:29:00.280 --> 0:29:06.800 love love Jeane and Pete. 0:29:10.440 --> 0:29:13.840 Natalie is taking it s low. She's cautious and Gene 0:29:13.840 --> 0:29:18.000 is following her lead, but sometimes it can get overwhelming. 0:29:18.800 --> 0:29:21.680 Dear Natalie, we want to wish you the happiest of 0:29:21.760 --> 0:29:25.720 birthdays on the seventeenth. I've wished it every year since 0:29:25.760 --> 0:29:29.440 you were born, and I'm so happy I can finally 0:29:29.520 --> 0:29:34.600 tell you. I hope someday we can meet, but until then, no, 0:29:34.800 --> 0:29:37.200 You've been loved Pete and Jean. 0:29:39.640 --> 0:29:41.560 Natalie's responses are gracious. 0:29:42.160 --> 0:29:45.560 Dear Gene and Pete. My kids constantly asked me about 0:29:45.560 --> 0:29:48.640 the day they were born. We moms think about those 0:29:48.760 --> 0:29:51.920 moments always. Someday you will have to tell me about 0:29:52.000 --> 0:29:52.800 our day. 0:29:54.160 --> 0:29:57.280 But there are a lot of some days no specific plans. 0:29:57.960 --> 0:30:01.400 Even after months of correspondence, Jean and Natalie are still 0:30:01.400 --> 0:30:05.000 going through Stacy, the social worker. They don't exchange phone 0:30:05.080 --> 0:30:08.000 numbers they don't even know each other's email addresses. 0:30:08.800 --> 0:30:13.760 It's tendative. Yeah, I mean I've had a relationship with 0:30:13.880 --> 0:30:18.920 these three kids for forty years, you know, and I 0:30:19.080 --> 0:30:23.400 haven't had that with her. And sometimes that's sad, you 0:30:23.440 --> 0:30:26.160 know that we don't have that. But I think we'll 0:30:26.200 --> 0:30:26.720 get there. 0:30:27.680 --> 0:30:28.400 You want to get there? 0:30:28.440 --> 0:30:29.560 Yeah, I would like to get there. 0:30:32.040 --> 0:30:35.240 Jane finds herself staring at Natalie's picture while she's at work, 0:30:35.800 --> 0:30:38.320 idly thinking about what the little girl in the photos 0:30:38.440 --> 0:30:41.760 childhood was like, and then comes the guilt and not 0:30:41.800 --> 0:30:44.760 having been able to give her what she needed. And 0:30:44.840 --> 0:30:48.200 all the while Natalie is so close, why. 0:30:48.040 --> 0:30:50.400 Don't you call her up and say come out or no? 0:30:50.520 --> 0:30:51.800 Because she doesn't want that. 0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:55.960 Then we all don't live to be able one hundred 0:30:56.040 --> 0:30:56.520 years old? 0:30:56.520 --> 0:30:57.120 Is dam time? 0:30:57.520 --> 0:30:58.000 That's true? 0:30:58.040 --> 0:31:00.560 You're you are getting run out of time pretty soon. 0:31:02.360 --> 0:31:05.920 Well for Pete, it's pretty straight ahead. For Jane, it's 0:31:05.960 --> 0:31:10.240 more complicated. Jane wants Natalie to enter her life, but 0:31:10.320 --> 0:31:12.840 at the same time she worries about what Natalie will 0:31:12.840 --> 0:31:15.960 make of that life. How will Jeane be able to 0:31:15.960 --> 0:31:19.120 have Natalie over to her home. In Jeane's mind, the 0:31:19.160 --> 0:31:23.000 place is always so untidy, the grouting in the bathroom unfinished, 0:31:23.400 --> 0:31:27.200 the tiles in the entryway in need of repair. So 0:31:27.240 --> 0:31:30.400 while Jeane's wait for Natalie is filled with hope, it's 0:31:30.440 --> 0:31:39.680 also filled with fear. Time ticks by. Natalie and Jane 0:31:39.760 --> 0:31:44.120 continue to exchange letters, and eventually Natalie decides they don't 0:31:44.200 --> 0:31:47.320 have to go through Stacy the social worker anymore. They 0:31:47.320 --> 0:31:50.840 can email each other directly, and a few months after that, 0:31:51.400 --> 0:31:55.080 Gene asks Natalie for her phone number. I just want 0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:57.760 to be able to hear your voice sometimes, Gene says, 0:31:58.760 --> 0:32:08.600 and Natalie says yes. Steve's wedding is a month away. 0:32:09.320 --> 0:32:12.360 It's been a full year since Natalie received that first letter, 0:32:12.760 --> 0:32:15.360 and Steve wants to invite her to the wedding, but 0:32:15.440 --> 0:32:17.800 Jeane doesn't think a big family event is the right 0:32:17.840 --> 0:32:20.520 setting for everyone to meet for the first time, so 0:32:20.640 --> 0:32:22.959 Gene asks Natalie if they can all go out for dinner. 0:32:23.800 --> 0:32:26.760 Natalie writes back and says, I think we can make 0:32:26.760 --> 0:32:27.360 that happen. 0:32:32.400 --> 0:32:34.280 Hi, how are you? 0:32:36.520 --> 0:32:37.160 Doggie? 0:32:37.360 --> 0:32:41.000 And today's the day I arrived At Steve's house as 0:32:41.000 --> 0:32:44.520 he gets ready to meet Natalie for dinner, his fiance Maggie, 0:32:44.640 --> 0:32:47.320 and his brother Kevin are there too, Nice. 0:32:47.080 --> 0:32:52.440 To see you. I'm Jona, Kevin, how are you good. 0:32:53.160 --> 0:32:56.080 Steve has lent Kevin a pair of jeans because Kevin 0:32:56.160 --> 0:32:59.120 was wearing shorts and feared they might not be appropriate 0:32:59.160 --> 0:33:02.240 for meeting your sister for the first time. Steve is 0:33:02.240 --> 0:33:03.160 still getting dressed. 0:33:03.640 --> 0:33:06.240 This is my only pair of clean pants at the moment. 0:33:07.120 --> 0:33:09.280 I don't want my new sister to smell me, you 0:33:09.320 --> 0:33:12.640 know what I mean. That'd be awful, right, So I 0:33:12.640 --> 0:33:13.880 want to appear to be clean. 0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:21.640 Since the Marshes are worried about making a good impression, 0:33:22.080 --> 0:33:25.760 they've barred me and my microphone from the dinner. This 0:33:26.160 --> 0:33:31.280 in spite of my important work documenting and interloping. Instead 0:33:31.280 --> 0:33:35.840 of saying all of you rotten folks, I tell Steve 0:33:36.080 --> 0:33:39.920 that it's all good. Hey, I'm getting pretty good at 0:33:39.920 --> 0:33:41.000 this Minnesota talk. 0:33:43.160 --> 0:33:46.120 I think we should leave in five or ten minutes, okay, 0:33:47.160 --> 0:33:50.120 and we should not spoke we earlier. 0:33:51.600 --> 0:33:52.480 I took zen. 0:33:52.640 --> 0:34:03.920 I'm fine. 0:34:04.320 --> 0:34:05.240 Turn out radio off. 0:34:05.880 --> 0:34:08.960 Steve has made a reservation at a pizza restaurant. On 0:34:09.040 --> 0:34:13.120 the drive there, he worries, but as usual, it isn't 0:34:13.120 --> 0:34:13.720 for himself. 0:34:14.440 --> 0:34:16.399 I worry about my mom. 0:34:17.680 --> 0:34:21.640 The worry has always been twofold. Firstly, what if Natalie's 0:34:21.680 --> 0:34:24.320 life hasn't turned out well and it's all Jane's fault 0:34:24.360 --> 0:34:27.279 for having given her up. But based on Gene and 0:34:27.320 --> 0:34:31.319 Natalie's correspondence, Natalie has a nice husband, sweet kids, and 0:34:31.400 --> 0:34:34.200 a career that keeps her busy flying to far off 0:34:34.200 --> 0:34:38.200 places like Mexico City and Singapore. So now, with that 0:34:38.320 --> 0:34:42.640 first worry allayed, the second worry rears its head. What 0:34:42.680 --> 0:34:45.279 if Natalie is not only not in bad shape, but 0:34:45.320 --> 0:34:48.880 in great shape, all due to Jane's lack of parenting. 0:34:49.960 --> 0:34:53.239 In other words, Steve's now worried that, as far as 0:34:53.360 --> 0:34:57.760 Jeane might believe, it isn't the Jeans, it's Gene. 0:34:58.320 --> 0:35:00.440 A person with the same genetic make up as your 0:35:00.480 --> 0:35:07.919 three kids. Who did I get all these things? So yeah, 0:35:07.960 --> 0:35:10.879 there's I think there's some pain there, man, Like there's 0:35:10.920 --> 0:35:14.120 some pain with my mom, like that she failed us 0:35:14.239 --> 0:35:21.279 or something, or that we failed her. Oh shit, it's 0:35:21.320 --> 0:35:22.759 six eighteen? Are we gonna make it? 0:35:22.880 --> 0:35:23.560 Yeah? Whatday? 0:35:23.560 --> 0:35:25.160 Isn't it supposed to be six forty five that you 0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:27.359 guys are reading thirty six thirty? Oh but your folks 0:35:27.400 --> 0:35:29.040 will be there, are they? 0:35:29.680 --> 0:35:31.600 Our family is free disclosed towards. 0:35:31.400 --> 0:35:32.520 Kanelead all the time. 0:35:33.520 --> 0:35:36.080 A few blocks from the restaurant, Steve drops me off 0:35:36.120 --> 0:35:38.319 at the side of the road. He says, they'll let 0:35:38.360 --> 0:35:41.000 me know how it goes. Okay, by you guys have fun. 0:35:50.920 --> 0:35:54.480 Later I'll learn that Pete, Jean, and Megan were uncharacteristically 0:35:54.520 --> 0:35:57.520 on time and are there to greet Natalie and her husband. 0:35:57.560 --> 0:36:01.840 When they arrive, Geena hugs Now and introduces her to Megan. 0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:05.960 Natalie and Megan stare at each other. They look so similar. 0:36:06.920 --> 0:36:09.720 I wish I could wear my hair like that, Natalie says, 0:36:10.200 --> 0:36:14.200 and Megan smiles. Steve, Maggie, and Kevin arrive as the 0:36:14.200 --> 0:36:17.600 table is being prepared. While they wait, they all make 0:36:17.640 --> 0:36:21.280 nervous small talk. Pete fills the silence by talking about 0:36:21.280 --> 0:36:25.040 how old his shoes are, about fishing. The others join in, 0:36:25.160 --> 0:36:28.439 talking about goldfish they've owned, the relative merits of pac 0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:41.239 Man versus misspac Man restaurants they like, They compare their heights. Eventually, 0:36:41.280 --> 0:36:43.800 the host leads them outside to a round wooden table 0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:47.280 built around a tree. The group orders pizza and wine. 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:52.439 They all cheers. Everyone has questions for Natalie. They don't 0:36:52.480 --> 0:36:55.280 totally understand what her job is, but it has something 0:36:55.320 --> 0:36:58.160 to do with selling accounting software all over the world. 0:36:58.840 --> 0:37:01.160 They get the impression that she's in charge of things. 0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:05.680 Natalie has a confidence. She sits beside Kevin, who shows 0:37:05.680 --> 0:37:07.840 her a photo of himself coming in second in a 0:37:07.840 --> 0:37:13.440 hot dog eating contest. Natalie seems impressed. During the salad course, 0:37:13.520 --> 0:37:16.160 Gene tells the story of how when Steve first found 0:37:16.160 --> 0:37:20.160 out about Natalie, he joked, thanks for keeping me, Mom. 0:37:20.600 --> 0:37:24.320 It's not too late. Natalie interjects, you could still be abandoned. 0:37:25.480 --> 0:37:29.840 Everyone laughs. Natalie shares the martial's dark sense of humor. 0:37:30.920 --> 0:37:39.200 It looks like Natalie is coming to Steve's wedding. It's 0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:41.040 the kind of night where it seems like it could 0:37:41.120 --> 0:37:45.040 rain at any minute, so Jeane grabs the check. Steve 0:37:45.080 --> 0:37:47.239 sees the look on her face as she glances it 0:37:47.320 --> 0:37:52.640 over Mom. He says quietly, so Natalie won't hear. We'll 0:37:52.680 --> 0:37:56.080 help you. The kids all go home that night and 0:37:56.160 --> 0:38:00.560 request Natalie's friendship on Facebook. Geene and Pete drive with 0:38:00.719 --> 0:38:02.359 Jeanne smiling all the way. 0:38:03.560 --> 0:38:06.840 When we came home that night, Pete was opening the 0:38:06.880 --> 0:38:09.160 door and I just put my hand on his shoulder. 0:38:09.200 --> 0:38:12.480 And I said, you know, God looked out for her 0:38:12.520 --> 0:38:17.680 all these years, and so we've been blessed. We truly have. 0:38:18.640 --> 0:38:23.400 It was joyous. All the kids are so comfortable. Everybody 0:38:23.520 --> 0:38:26.960 was asking questions. There was a lot of laughter. There 0:38:27.040 --> 0:38:29.680 was a lot of you know, joking. 0:38:29.320 --> 0:38:35.520 And talking, and it was very emotional. And there's still 0:38:35.560 --> 0:38:39.440 a lot of thought process there that's gonna maybe be 0:38:39.600 --> 0:38:43.480 with me all my life. But I know that she 0:38:43.680 --> 0:38:47.439 had a good life and she's got a wonderful life now. 0:38:48.640 --> 0:38:52.799 I couldn't have asked for anything more. I really couldn't have. 0:38:58.360 --> 0:39:01.160 You felt like you wanted Natalie to have a good life, 0:39:01.840 --> 0:39:04.480 but that was complicated because you felt like it might 0:39:04.560 --> 0:39:08.080 reflect on your parenting in some way. So I'm wondering, 0:39:08.520 --> 0:39:10.440 how do you feel about that now? 0:39:13.840 --> 0:39:19.520 You still have guilt, But I think I just realized 0:39:19.560 --> 0:39:25.000 that no matter what I did or didn't do, they've 0:39:25.000 --> 0:39:31.000 all grown up to be wonderful human beings. 0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:32.080 And we can move on. 0:39:34.160 --> 0:39:36.839 All the things Jean had worried about, that Natalie might 0:39:36.840 --> 0:39:39.399 resent her, that the family might be too much for her. 0:39:39.960 --> 0:39:43.200 In the end didn't matter. That night at the restaurant, 0:39:43.360 --> 0:39:46.480 things were simple. They were all just happy to be together, 0:39:52.239 --> 0:39:56.359 but there's still one thing. For months, Steve's priority has 0:39:56.400 --> 0:39:58.960 been his mom's feelings, the effect all of this is 0:39:58.960 --> 0:40:02.520 having on her. All the while, though a feeling of 0:40:02.560 --> 0:40:06.480 his own was slowly taking shape. At the pizza restaurant, 0:40:06.680 --> 0:40:09.600 Steven wanted to say something to Natalie all night, but 0:40:09.640 --> 0:40:10.720 he couldn't find the words. 0:40:11.360 --> 0:40:14.359 Well, I really wish I would have told her is 0:40:14.520 --> 0:40:18.640 thank you man, thank you for you you existing, like 0:40:18.760 --> 0:40:21.600 your miracle of coming into the world and the way 0:40:21.600 --> 0:40:23.560 it happened, like brought my parents back together. 0:40:24.840 --> 0:40:28.440 But then, how do you thank someone a stranger forgiving 0:40:28.480 --> 0:40:30.920 your family life, for giving you life? 0:40:31.880 --> 0:40:33.399 Hey, how are you good? 0:40:35.120 --> 0:40:38.240 In my role as loyal spur, I've invited Stephen Natalie 0:40:38.239 --> 0:40:40.440 to my office so Steve can at least give it 0:40:40.480 --> 0:40:43.480 a try. It's the first time Steve and Natalie have 0:40:43.520 --> 0:40:46.080 gotten to talk one on one since this all began. 0:40:47.600 --> 0:40:52.080 I never thought I never thought someone would search for me. 0:40:53.440 --> 0:40:55.240 This is Natalie. 0:40:55.560 --> 0:40:58.960 Wow, He's never he never even considered that. 0:41:01.200 --> 0:41:04.360 Steve explains that during the search, the marsh is worried 0:41:04.440 --> 0:41:06.960 that they might not live up to Natalie's expectations. 0:41:07.480 --> 0:41:09.720 You know you're you're such an accomplished person. 0:41:11.000 --> 0:41:14.839 Well, gosh, my LinkedIn profile is really doing its job 0:41:16.560 --> 0:41:17.560 of a pr major. 0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:22.680 I mean, honestly, like you seem like such a funny, 0:41:23.000 --> 0:41:27.680 like even keel person. You know, like like you have 0:41:27.719 --> 0:41:32.080 a wicked sense of humor. It's just it's cool. It's cool, 0:41:32.480 --> 0:41:36.640 Like you're funny. You know, you're wearing you have an 0:41:36.680 --> 0:41:38.399 iPhone watch and you're killing it. 0:41:38.400 --> 0:41:39.080 You know what I mean? 0:41:39.440 --> 0:41:42.560 That was a gift. Everything's a gift my husband, that's all. No, 0:41:42.640 --> 0:41:45.839 but don't put me on a pedestal. I don't deserve it. 0:41:46.840 --> 0:41:49.440 Natalie's uncomfortable with her life being held up as a 0:41:49.480 --> 0:41:52.480 success story. She tries to explain that her house had 0:41:52.520 --> 0:41:55.319 its own share of chaos. Her brother faced some of 0:41:55.360 --> 0:41:58.200 the same challenges with drugs and other troubles that the 0:41:58.239 --> 0:42:01.319 Marsh kids faced. It feels like what she's trying to 0:42:01.320 --> 0:42:05.319 say is blood parenting. I don't know why things turned 0:42:05.320 --> 0:42:12.839 out the way they have. But Steve is undeterred in 0:42:12.840 --> 0:42:17.840 his effort to offer Natalie credit, and so tentatively he 0:42:17.920 --> 0:42:20.000 gets to the thing he's been trying to say for 0:42:20.080 --> 0:42:20.799 a while. 0:42:20.560 --> 0:42:27.440 Now, I mean, I feel like it's weird to thank 0:42:27.680 --> 0:42:34.720 somebody who didn't elect to be adopted. But like, maybe 0:42:34.760 --> 0:42:39.359 my parents would have never gotten back together if it 0:42:39.480 --> 0:42:44.719 wasn't for you. You brought them together. Like I think it 0:42:44.760 --> 0:42:48.400 was kind of a fling kind of situation and we 0:42:48.600 --> 0:42:52.520 turned into a like a forty five year marriage. You know, 0:42:54.760 --> 0:42:57.200 I don't know the exact stats, but. 0:42:58.760 --> 0:43:02.080 Natalie can see that Steve's struggling. But she's struggling to 0:43:03.160 --> 0:43:05.600 if Steve is trying to say thanks for my life, 0:43:06.200 --> 0:43:10.720 how does she simply say you're welcome. So instead, Natalie 0:43:10.760 --> 0:43:13.360 offers thanks of her own in the way of a 0:43:13.400 --> 0:43:15.520 story about Steve's mom. 0:43:16.280 --> 0:43:19.040 In her mom when my mom was around, she and 0:43:19.120 --> 0:43:25.520 I were really really close. She wanted to think, you 0:43:25.560 --> 0:43:27.399 know what, you know, I wish I could think her. 0:43:27.560 --> 0:43:32.160 She kept saying, I just wish I could thank her, right, 0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:35.879 And when she passed away in two thousand and four, 0:43:36.760 --> 0:43:41.080 she couldn't. Yeah, so the first thing I wanted to 0:43:41.120 --> 0:43:50.319 do was do the thinking. That decision set the trajectory 0:43:50.360 --> 0:43:55.360 of my life. I'm so I'm so lucky to be 0:43:55.400 --> 0:43:55.960 where I'm at. 0:43:57.719 --> 0:44:00.360 In the end, Steve and Natalie are both great for 0:44:00.400 --> 0:44:03.520 the same thing, the family that they ended up with. 0:44:09.719 --> 0:44:12.959 Everyone always asked well, have you ever thought of reaching out? 0:44:14.800 --> 0:44:18.080 I always had the answer. I'm like, no, I'm good. 0:44:19.280 --> 0:44:20.280 I have a great family. 0:44:21.080 --> 0:44:21.279 You know. 0:44:21.320 --> 0:44:23.120 Once I open that door, I can never close it. 0:44:24.840 --> 0:44:30.000 When I received the letter, I can honestly say I 0:44:30.000 --> 0:44:34.799 didn't have this figured out, and I thought about what 0:44:34.840 --> 0:44:38.160 my path would be if I'm on a crossroad of 0:44:38.719 --> 0:44:42.799 do I pursue this or do I let it go. 0:44:44.440 --> 0:44:47.400 As Natalie speaks, you can see a thought flash across 0:44:47.400 --> 0:44:50.839 Steve's face. All this time, he's been trying to thank 0:44:50.920 --> 0:44:54.520 Natalie for something she didn't even decide, rather than for 0:44:54.560 --> 0:44:56.000 the thing that she did decide. 0:44:56.560 --> 0:44:58.440 When you put it like that way, when you put 0:44:58.480 --> 0:45:03.040 it like that, like you did have a choice here 0:45:03.120 --> 0:45:06.080 whether to even talk to us, you know, like like 0:45:06.239 --> 0:45:09.080 you could have been like, no, you risk you open 0:45:09.160 --> 0:45:12.280 the door, like and and so yeah, I guess Natalie, 0:45:12.320 --> 0:45:14.880 I do thank you for that, man. Like the way 0:45:15.239 --> 0:45:19.879 that you've been with my mom has been super cool. Man. 0:45:20.239 --> 0:45:28.680 And I I think you for that. Oh well, I 0:45:28.760 --> 0:45:33.600 like she'd kind of deserves like, uh, I think like 0:45:33.960 --> 0:45:38.200 cool stuff in life, you know, and like you've been 0:45:38.280 --> 0:45:41.240 really cool man. That's choice. 0:45:51.360 --> 0:45:51.560 Ah. 0:45:53.840 --> 0:45:56.040 It's been two and a half years since the search 0:45:56.120 --> 0:46:00.200 for Natalie began, and in that time, Natalie's interaction with 0:46:00.239 --> 0:46:04.760 the Marshes have been based around occasions Jean's birthday, Steve's wedding, 0:46:05.640 --> 0:46:09.120 But today they're all just hanging out. Steve and his 0:46:09.120 --> 0:46:11.759 new wife, Maggie wanted to have everyone over for a 0:46:11.800 --> 0:46:16.120 backyard barbecue, even me. On our way to the yard, 0:46:16.320 --> 0:46:18.880 Steve gives me a quick tour of the house, his 0:46:18.960 --> 0:46:26.560 shelves loaded with books, his plans. Uh is that indigenous 0:46:26.600 --> 0:46:27.280 to this area? 0:46:29.280 --> 0:46:30.880 Oh? 0:46:31.320 --> 0:46:34.720 Natalie shows up with her husband and two kids. Pete, 0:46:35.040 --> 0:46:37.719 the tough guy who thought about Natalie every day for 0:46:37.760 --> 0:46:40.319 almost fifty years, is there to greet them. 0:46:40.719 --> 0:46:41.839 Well, how you guys been? 0:46:42.480 --> 0:46:42.680 Oh? 0:46:42.760 --> 0:46:48.600 Good over here? I gotta have a hog absolutely oh. 0:46:51.520 --> 0:46:54.640 Shortly after, Kevin shows up with a bottle of vodka 0:46:54.960 --> 0:46:56.279 and a big bag of Frisbees. 0:46:56.760 --> 0:46:57.960 Who hasn't played Frisbee? 0:46:58.239 --> 0:47:00.600 Hey? 0:47:01.120 --> 0:47:06.839 And then Megan, who heads straight for Natalie. But there's 0:47:06.840 --> 0:47:08.200 one person who's running late. 0:47:08.719 --> 0:47:10.719 Should I call your mom and see what she is, sir? 0:47:13.120 --> 0:47:15.200 As it turns out, Jane is still stuck at the 0:47:15.239 --> 0:47:18.360 grocery store buying some last minute stuff for the party. 0:47:19.160 --> 0:47:24.799 Classic Steve says the Marshes are unorganized, chronically late, and 0:47:24.840 --> 0:47:29.880 maybe that's true. Or maybe Jeane is pacing the aisles, procrastinating, 0:47:30.480 --> 0:47:33.040 nervous about what Natalie might make of how the Marshes 0:47:33.080 --> 0:47:42.000 live with their ayahuasca plants and vodka Frisbees. But in 0:47:42.040 --> 0:47:46.320 the end, Jeane doesn't wait years, weeks, days, or hours. 0:47:47.080 --> 0:47:55.680 She's only late by fifteen minutes. Maybe Jane wasn't procrastinating 0:47:55.680 --> 0:47:59.360 at all. Maybe she wanted to show up late, to 0:47:59.400 --> 0:48:02.880 be the last one to walk into the backyard with 0:48:02.960 --> 0:48:07.279 everyone already there and see the whole family hanging out, 0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:11.720 joking and talking, everyone just happy to be together. 0:48:12.239 --> 0:48:45.320 Oh my God, now. 0:48:45.160 --> 0:48:54.359 That the fernitures rip turned to its goodwill home, now 0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:59.239 that the last month's rent is scheming with the damage, 0:48:59.520 --> 0:49:01.759 God take this moment. 0:49:01.560 --> 0:49:02.200 To do so. 0:49:05.000 --> 0:49:07.000 If we imagine, if we too. 0:49:09.560 --> 0:49:14.879 Felt from the things. 0:49:14.600 --> 0:49:16.000 At accident lead. 0:49:21.160 --> 0:49:23.759 This episode of Heavyweight was produced by Khalila Holt and 0:49:23.840 --> 0:49:27.560 me Jonathan Goldstein, along with Ba Parker and Stevie Lane. 0:49:27.920 --> 0:49:30.759 The show is edited by Jorge just Special thanks to 0:49:30.800 --> 0:49:35.600 Emily Condon, Lulu Miller Hans butto Domiano Marquetti, Alex Bloomberg, 0:49:35.800 --> 0:49:39.240 and Jackie Cohen. Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original 0:49:39.320 --> 0:49:42.680 music by Christine Fellows, John K. Sampson, Blue Dot Sessions, 0:49:42.840 --> 0:49:45.920 and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can be found on 0:49:45.920 --> 0:49:50.279 our website, Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. Our theme song 0:49:50.360 --> 0:49:52.840 is by The Weaker Thans courtesy of Epitaph Records, and 0:49:52.880 --> 0:49:55.759 our ad music is by Hailey Shaw. Follow us on 0:49:55.800 --> 0:49:59.400 Twitter at Heavyweight or email us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia 0:49:59.480 --> 0:50:02.680 dot com. You can listen for free on Spotify or 0:50:02.719 --> 0:50:06.040 wherever you get your podcasts. We'll have our last episode 0:50:06.040 --> 0:50:08.719 of the season next week, so. 0:50:08.760 --> 0:50:12.120 Don't be tweeting us after that, Agata saying where's the 0:50:12.160 --> 0:50:15.000 episode because that's it, that we'd had the last one 0:50:15.040 --> 0:50:17.440 and there's not going to be anymore. It's the last 0:50:17.440 --> 0:50:19.120 one of the season is next week. 0:50:20.800 --> 0:50:21.760 Yeah, what she said