The Red Flag Warning You Needed

00:00:01
Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi Lelah, Welcome to an unlikely affair. Hey babe, it's La La Ken, Hello Amba.

00:00:12
Speaker 2: Hello, gorgeous bitch.

00:00:13
Speaker 3: Ooh she's a spicy lady today. Can I just tell you?

00:00:19
Speaker 1: Utah kicked my ass to the point where I drove all the way to the studio this morning. I had my trainer come at like six thirty because I was like, then I gotta put a face on. I got to get to the studio by ten, and it's gonna be rush hour.

00:00:32
Speaker 3: It's gonna be crazy.

00:00:33
Speaker 1: It took forty five minutes to get there, and I knock on the door and I'm like, I just have this gut feeling that no one's inside.

00:00:42
Speaker 3: Oh no, pl I'm like, it's on zoom today.

00:00:45
Speaker 2: Hun.

00:00:45
Speaker 3: They're like, yep, we're almost ready for you.

00:00:47
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, I'm gonna need about fifteen because I gotta get home.

00:00:52
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

00:00:54
Speaker 1: I'm also boy crazy right now, So I think that also is playing a part.

00:00:59
Speaker 2: Oh oh god, I feel like we need to catch up. We haven't had a minute to catch up because you've been gone.

00:01:04
Speaker 1: I know.

00:01:04
Speaker 3: Are you still talking to that guy?

00:01:07
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:01:07
Speaker 3: Okay?

00:01:08
Speaker 2: Good?

00:01:09
Speaker 3: Wait did he come out. He came out for Valentine's Day.

00:01:11
Speaker 2: He no, he didn't come out for Valentine's Day. I was solo on Valentine's DA, which was actually really beautiful, Like I almost needed that experience, Like I feel like this was nothing. I laid in bed, that's it.

00:01:23
Speaker 3: And you had Riley.

00:01:25
Speaker 1: No.

00:01:25
Speaker 2: Riley ended up going over to a girlfriend's house and they had like a Gallantine's and she spent the night. And so I went to brunch with Autumn and the baby Leo and Riley came with us and then we hung out and that's it. I think Autumn and I ate like an early dinner because she goes to bed early with a baby. And I came home and I turned on TV, and at first I was like, you know when you're like you feel like you're going down the rabbit hole and you like are starting to get sad, and you're like, Nope, not doing that, Yeah, nope, not doing that. And I was like, yeah, dude, you're good. Just I said, you know what I'm for. Just imagine this is your last Valentine's Day alone for the rest of your life. And I was like, oh, well, in that case, I'm gonna lighting a candle.

00:02:09
Speaker 1: I know. But also Valentine's Day is such oh, like you think about it, and it's all of these men who on the day of Valentine's Day, remember it's Valentine's Day, and they're all going to Trader Joe's getting flowers heart jewelry. That is so tacky, but they have to have something. And it's just it's actually for me when I go out and about it's a reminder that like we're the last things on our man's mind most of the time. I'm gonna need you to show up every fucking day and you get Valentine's Day off.

00:02:43
Speaker 3: How about that?

00:02:45
Speaker 2: I actually love that I did, because to be honest with you, I actually don't love Valentine's Day. I don't like it. It's too much pressure. It's like it's almost like Christmas. It's like Christmas in a way. That's why I've always loved Tonica because it's like eight days of like presence every day and the kids appreciate it. Where it's like Valentine's Day is there's too much pressure, and as a woman, what do you get a guy? And then you feel bad and then you're like, well if he didn't get me, like, it's just not my favorite holiday. It's right up there with Halloween.

00:03:17
Speaker 1: Oh, don't even get me started on Halloween hate a theme. But also I my love language, which I want, I want to know yours. My love language is quality time, touch, and words of affirmation. Those are my top three. So you're when you're talking about Valentine's Day and it's all about like getting her a gift and taking her to a nice dinner, I'm like, those are things that, like I they don't speak to me. This holiday is not for me. But it's also Eastern's birthday, so it's never it's on Valentine's Day. His birthday is on Valentine's Day.

00:03:54
Speaker 2: Oh that's so cute.

00:03:57
Speaker 1: It's cute, but it's also really hard because when you want to take it out to dinner, you can't.

00:04:02
Speaker 2: M Yeah, well that's exciting because for him, he gets to spread his birthday out over like a few days.

00:04:07
Speaker 3: Totally.

00:04:08
Speaker 1: Today we're talking about red flags and also intuition because I feel like you and I are finally in a place where we want to trust our gut, and for so long I silenced my gut, which, by the way, my gut is working now because I you said something to me. I think it was a couple of weeks ago, right before San Francisco, and I was saying to you, I was like.

00:04:31
Speaker 3: The band aids.

00:04:31
Speaker 1: Remember I had gone to the doctor and you picked me up and I was like, damn it, I knew I should have brought a band aid And you said, that is your gut.

00:04:38
Speaker 3: You need to listen to it.

00:04:39
Speaker 1: So I went to a gender reveal in Utah, and my gut I usually go against, and I felt that it was a boy. So I went against my gut because I'm like, my gut is always wrong. I'm going to go girl. It was a boy, and I was like.

00:04:52
Speaker 3: Oh my god, my gut is working. I'm gonna listen to her.

00:04:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, isn't it so powerful? Like it's like this small, subtle like nudge.

00:05:03
Speaker 3: Yeah right, it's not.

00:05:05
Speaker 2: Like I feel like anxiety shows up very differently. But when your gut is really trying to tell you something, or it happens so quick in like two seconds, and you're like, oh, I should I should probably bring this and you're like, oh my god, I cannot, Like you just ignore those lit It's like nanoseconds of this like little whisper and you're like, oh, man, I should have listened. That's your gut, I know.

00:05:29
Speaker 1: Can I ask you what are like, what are the main red flags for you? When you're talking to a guy?

00:05:34
Speaker 2: Well he used to not know what a red flag is.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: Well, I think based off of both of our situations we loved, we gravitated toward a red flag.

00:05:45
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean we've made this stoke before, but it's like painting the red flag screen and it's true, it's really really true. And it's just that just goes back to not listening to my gut. When I've been dating, I really pay attention to do they open the door, do they what side of the street they walk on? What?

00:06:05
Speaker 3: You want him on this side of the street where the street is, like, if you're on.

00:06:08
Speaker 2: The side, yeah, because if something happens needs you to be taken out first, he needs to go, he needs to go first. If you're at a restaurant, how he interacts with the waiters. I was on a date, tell me everything, and he was so rude, so rude to the waiter. I was like uncomfortable, Like I actually wanted to apologize and I'm thinking, you're a grown man, a grown man like, and you're being rude his attitude not using Like it's my biggest pet peeve. If you go to a restaurant and you don't say may I or like please and thank you, you have to realize, like, yes, you're sitting down and you're being served at a restaurant. But these people are humans, Like they're not They're they're human beings. So like the most you can do the bare minimum is like treat them well. Like I feel like we've all like just like the bare minimum in life should not be the bare minimum we're what we're seeing out in the world, especially when it comes to like green flags and like just in general. So for me, definitely, when I go on a date, I just want someone just to be kind, generous, a gentleman, like just like og kind of courting. I guess you would.

00:07:27
Speaker 1: Say, Okay, I like this, you know, I would say a red flag for me that that is also a super huge trigger is being secretive about whatever it is we have going on. Like if I'm talking to a guy and there is an element of like I don't want my business out there, I immediately I'm like this is a red flag because why Like, I'm not saying that you need too, I'm not saying that you need to share every detail about us speaking, but to make that blanketed statement of like I don't want people knowing my business, okay, well that.

00:08:17
Speaker 3: You're keeping this a.

00:08:19
Speaker 1: Secret, and I'm gonna need to know why, like you wanting you wanting the details and the ins and outs of like us talking or us dating. You want that to be kind of like between the two of us. Cool, But if I'm rolling over to your house your apartment because you don't want to be.

00:08:36
Speaker 3: Seen, we have a huge problem.

00:08:39
Speaker 1: It happened with the guy who I talked about last episode through the FaceTime with the kids. When we first hung out, we were in the elevator together and he was like, we get to the room and he's like, I got nervous, and I was like I immediately frozen. I was like, why why'd you get nervous? Like you being seen with me? Because we had a problem. He was like, are you triggered right now? He called this seems like a trigger. He was like, it has nothing to do with you. Those people were talking about the game reminded me that I play this weekend, I got nervous nothing to do with you, and I felt myself get like I've done.

00:09:14
Speaker 2: That's some PTSD right there.

00:09:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, a big from your ex. By the way, my ex you had him last. I don't claim him.

00:09:24
Speaker 1: At all at all, in any capacity.

00:09:28
Speaker 3: He is yours, all yours. Oh now he's mine.

00:09:32
Speaker 2: Now he's mine. Okay, okay, okay. So that is also a huge red flag when you're hiding someone. And listen, when you're you're dating early on, sure, you may be dating four or five other people, right, I'll never forget. When I eloped, he looked at me and said, we can't tell anybody what And I said, huh. He said, I don't. I just don't want anyone to know because like I have a dream of having this like big wedding, and like I know we did this like this way, and I always thought I didn't listen to my gut, he's hiding something. I mean, that's the extreme. Guys, like that doesn't happen, that doesn't typically happen.

00:10:20
Speaker 1: But that's the reason for the trigger for you. That's that's obviously monumental. I mean, that's like the biggest secret of life to be like we just got married, and like, don't tell anybody. That's so strange, but that that for you created a moment that you would forever carry. And now anytime someone wants to be secretive that it takes you to a place of that moment being triggered.

00:10:44
Speaker 2: Well, I won't do it. It's like a weird thing. I don't think, by the way, I don't even think I've ever been in that position where someone said, hey, let's not talk about our relationship.

00:10:53
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. Let me tell you something. I was seeing this guy. I was seeing this guy and I was with my girlfriends and he was like, you know, come over when you're finished. I was like, great. He texts me, I'm on my way there. He like calls me a car. I'm on my way there, and he says to me, where did you tell your friends you were going?

00:11:12
Speaker 3: I was like, uh, to come see you, and he was like he got all.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: Funny about it, and I was like, let me be very fucking clear, You're not Lebron James by any means, and you never will be, so shake that off. And I'm certainly not someone. I'm certainly not kim k. Like no one's given a fuck about the two of us. And then I pull up to his house. He's like, let's talk about this. When you come in, I literally like re requested that same uber. I was like, I get out of the car and this one. I'm like, please take me back to the city. He's like, you didn't even stay. I was like, let me be very fucking clear with you right now. I tell my friends where I'm going because I'm not a secretive person. And if, by chance you choose to murder or me and dump my body in the Hudson, I'm going to need my friends to know you were the last person to see me, all right. And I never spoke to him again. I was fucking furious.

00:12:10
Speaker 2: Good for you, good for you.

00:12:12
Speaker 1: Get off my jock anyway. I've had a lot of those experiences.

00:12:18
Speaker 2: That's what Hollywood does to people. And you could be an athlete, right, it doesn't matter, Like when I say Hollywood la. It just makes people. And I'm sure it's like this in New York too. It just it just breathes a different type of person. Everyone thinks that their shit doesn't stink and that they're the most important person in the fucking room.

00:12:39
Speaker 3: I know, and then it makes me crazy.

00:12:41
Speaker 1: Thing through and say you're you ain't shit and either no one cares what we're doing. A lot of stuff going on in the world. People don't care about us.

00:12:50
Speaker 2: No, no, look at the DJ doesn't even care about the Epstein files anymore. No one gives a shit. I don't did you have to bring that up? But I had to.

00:12:59
Speaker 3: They don't care.

00:13:00
Speaker 2: No, the DOJ said they're done. They're done.

00:13:03
Speaker 3: What are you talking about. They're not going through it.

00:13:06
Speaker 2: They're not going to release the rest of the Redact anything. Oh no. The DJ is like they're totally just like covering up everything. Now, I mean they were that. You got this impression that they weren't going to This is like a ted talk What is happening to basically show people, this is how you fucking hide criminals that our politicians who are have some sort of notoriety or running a country. Right anyways, that's a fucking red flag right there.

00:13:39
Speaker 1: And here's the other thing is there have been many times that I and we've talked about this a lot. I have not been dating. I would say the last time I dated was literally like nine months to a year after I left your ex After that, I noticed the toxic meant were still latching onto me, and I was like, I'm either done dating. So even the guy that I just said with the hiding, it was like, there's nothing to hide, like you and I are fucking.

00:14:10
Speaker 3: That's as That's as as far as this goes go. Fuck whoever you want. I don't care.

00:14:15
Speaker 1: But I have so many people saying to me, you got to get over it, meaning my time with your ex.

00:14:24
Speaker 3: You got to get over it. You have to move on. I refuse to call him anything except your ex.

00:14:27
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. If you don't want to claim him, we can refer to him as whatever you want, but he I will not claim that anyway. It's not that easy to get over. And without saying too much, it's the shit that we're seeing with the Epstein files, a lot of covering up and doing all of these things that I experienced, and it was wild.

00:14:52
Speaker 3: The cheating, don't give.

00:14:54
Speaker 1: A damn as long as you're fucking someone who ain't me great. It was everything else that I am so scarred by. And yeah, it's going to take a very special person to get me to put my guard down.

00:15:08
Speaker 3: And I will always have my guard up to some degree.

00:15:11
Speaker 1: But you know what, I'm actually very hopeful that's that's going to It's going to become more normal than it is right now.

00:15:18
Speaker 2: It's not about putting yeah but really fast. It's just not about putting your your guard up. It's just being aware and listening to that voice that we talked about, your intuition, that gut feeling. Okay, green flags, let's do this, baby, let's fucking go.

00:15:41
Speaker 3: Tell me your green slags.

00:15:44
Speaker 2: I have five, I've written down five that I mean, I'm sure there's more, but number one. Okay. They make plans in advance. I love that.

00:15:54
Speaker 3: Oh, I love that too.

00:15:56
Speaker 2: I want something to look forward to. I don't like it when you go on a date and if it's not gonna It's like, if there's no chemistry, it's one thing, but if it's clear that both people have chemistry and they don't say i'll call you later though, like you want you, I think just to regulate. I mean I should probably be regulating my own nervous system, but like you just want to know, like, hey, that was really fun, like I would love to see you again. Simple.

00:16:25
Speaker 1: Yes, you can regulate it, but also someone coming into your life needs to Like when we talk about green flags, some of my green flags would be like unimportant to someone else. Like the green flags are are obviously that I want you to be like a good human, but also green flags for me are things that what is it that makes me.

00:16:47
Speaker 3: Feel comfortable in whatever it is that we're doing?

00:16:50
Speaker 2: Right? Yeah, I mean, don't you love having someone that kind of like makes a plan something you look forward to in life in general? Yeah?

00:16:55
Speaker 1: And it also makes me feel like I'm important to this. I'm important enough to plan four. Yes, and I that you are taking me into consideration well before we go and see each other. The guy that you're talking to, I love that he makes the plan, Like you can tell that you have been on his mind and he is teeing up like he he's he's seeing you with intention And at this stage in the game, in our thirties, mid thirties, you gotta be intentional one hundred percent.

00:17:30
Speaker 2: He's really really good at them, and that makes me feel really good. Number two, consistent communication. You don't need to talk to the person every single day, but consistent communication, like we have our phones on twenty four to seven. Yeah, like it could be thinking of you, doesn't mean you have to get into a full conversation or going to the gym listening to this song or have you seen this meme or whatever it is that means so much.

00:18:01
Speaker 3: I love this.

00:18:03
Speaker 2: Okay. Three, they introduce you to their people.

00:18:07
Speaker 3: Your list is resonating with me.

00:18:09
Speaker 2: You're not a secret. You're hanging out with their friends. And do you know how many guys that I've been on dates with that I'm like, Hey, look at I'm on FaceTime with my sister. This is my sister, or Hey, come meet my sister, or hey, we're going to you know, just because I live so close to my youngest sister. And it's not because I'm like introducing to the family so soon. I just want them to know, like, hey, this is my life. I want to get my sister's opinion because her opinion matters to me. And it's like I love seeing their reactions. And it actually, more times than not, I've been like, thank you so much for introducing me to your family, Like that was so sweet of you. And it's like, yeah, I want you to because it's important to.

00:18:48
Speaker 1: Me, right, And it's not like some bit it's just like as simple as like I am willing to take a FaceTime in front of my people. Yeah, And it's as simple as who are you talking to? Oh, I'm talking to this guy. It doesn't need to go any further than that. But it's like I'm letting people know that, like I'm speaking with you.

00:19:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm interested. This is a potential person that I'm you know, could fall into a relationship with. I also think like second date, go out to dinner with Like if you're in LA or you're in a big group of people with friends, like bring them with you. Who cares what people think? Like you want to see how he's going to react right away. I don't like surprises. I think my list the green flags come with there's no surprises. Like what you see is what you get. And when I take someone out to a dinner or invite them to friends or go whatever, take them as a date to an event, I want to see how they are in public. I want to see how they are in a business setting, see how they are in a friendship setting. Like that means I just want to cut to the chase and like we're too old for this bullshit, you know what I mean?

00:19:56
Speaker 1: Everything that you just said reminds me and you saw the because you liked it. But Michelle Obama did a podcast where she spoke about how it takes so many years to really get to know the person that you're in a relationship with.

00:20:11
Speaker 3: It's introducing them to friends and family. How do they respond in conflict, how do they travel? How do you guys stay together? There's just so much.

00:20:20
Speaker 1: It's constantly a test because you may get into it over something small, but how are you going to figure out like the big things. You're constantly getting to know one another, and I think the biggest thing And again I have not had any long term relationship, right, but I can imagine that at every at every stage of evolving, you guys have to make the decision to evolve together.

00:20:50
Speaker 3: What does that mean? I don't know.

00:20:51
Speaker 1: Maybe when I find my person I'll understand that. But everything you just said reminded me of what she said on her podcast, what.

00:21:00
Speaker 2: She said in that video. I love that she said, go on go on a vacation, and that's it. That really hit me because I was like, I, that is a that is a tell if you can go on vacation. And by the way, it doesn't need to go to be in Europe you could go anywhere, right, you can come to Montana, Yosemite, wherever you want to go. You just want to see how you travel with that person, because if that's something that's important to you, like it is me, I want to know I could freaking travel with this person for ten days without killing each other.

00:21:28
Speaker 1: You want to know what I think is I've become very very high strung when I travel, a ball of anxiety. I got to know you can handle me, like I need you to keep me balanced and head where my feet are because I can be up in the clouds and fully tweaking.

00:21:47
Speaker 2: Right. And some people like to go on vacations and they love to do NonStop activities from morning tonight. That I'm not that. I'm like a one to two I'm a one to two activity a day and I just want to just chill, right.

00:22:01
Speaker 1: I'm a one to two activity for the whole time. Okay, the rest of the time. I'll wake up tomorrow and tell you how I feel. Okay, that's so funny. Respect your boundaries.

00:22:13
Speaker 2: That's a given, right, Like, like we were talking, I'm not introducing you to my kids. Let me take the lead. It's not happening, or I mean, what is maybe something that you is like a non negotiable.

00:22:25
Speaker 3: It's a boundary for me, Yeah, a non negotiable.

00:22:32
Speaker 1: Honestly, I've been asked this question, and actually I've been having this conversation with the opposite sex a lot since I entered twenty twenty six and said I am open to love and finding my person. I feel like there is just so much to pick from.

00:22:50
Speaker 2: But I'm like having.

00:22:52
Speaker 1: These conversations where I'm like, this is so wild. This is what people talk about when they're like trying to do more than just like sleep with someone. And I think, my, my, I'm gonna know in my gut when I find the right person. But my hard boundary is I will never legally marry you.

00:23:12
Speaker 3: Why are you looking at me like that?

00:23:14
Speaker 2: Because I'm in shock. I didn't know that. Yeah, really, yes, I want I want to give you a ring. I want you to give me a ring. I want to have like a beautiful ceremony. The only thing that I.

00:23:27
Speaker 1: Don't want in it is the piece of paper.

00:23:32
Speaker 3: Like I want to call you my husband.

00:23:33
Speaker 1: I will be your wife, but I want to know that every day we're waking up picking each other, not because we go Oh my god, it'll be such a headache if we get divorced. Like I just, I want to Goldie hawn my ass off with somebody.

00:23:47
Speaker 2: Ugh, that would be amazing.

00:23:48
Speaker 1: I want my Kurt Russell. You know, Oh, I know what is yours. You acted so shocked.

00:23:55
Speaker 3: I feel like I.

00:23:55
Speaker 2: Ask because I wasn't. No, I didn't know that about you. I had no idea I would like to get married.

00:24:01
Speaker 3: Call me stupid, Comma stay stupid. I think that that's wonderful.

00:24:06
Speaker 2: I just I think I just need a round two.

00:24:08
Speaker 1: You deserve that, because I don't think it's fair to say that you had a round one.

00:24:14
Speaker 3: You deserve a big wedding.

00:24:15
Speaker 1: You deserve someone to like shout from the rooftops how much they love and adore you. And you deserve that. And if that's what you want, then you absolutely should get that.

00:24:26
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean, I think that's what I want. Ask me tomorrow today. I would like that.

00:24:33
Speaker 1: That's what I want. I think that's what I want. Mi green flags are similar to yours. I need consistency. Consistency is like my biggest thing. Don't fall off the Like you said, we don't need to talk every single day, But like you gotta be consistent transparency. I don't care if the conversation is difficult, Like, I want to make sure that we are building whatever we're building based on trust and honesty, even if it's going to hurt my feelings or I hurt your feelings. We got to be communicating. I would say my other green flag, if you let me steer the ship with the kid with the kids, don't you don't need to bring up the kids thing. I will bring it up and then you and I can pingpong off of each other.

00:25:27
Speaker 3: But like, you don't need to be the.

00:25:28
Speaker 1: First person to bring it up. They're not yours. I'll let you know when they need to be discussed.

00:25:34
Speaker 2: Mm hmmmmm, because.

00:25:36
Speaker 1: I get very triggered when someone else mentions them. I'm like, no, don't worry about it.

00:25:43
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh. What is another green flag?

00:25:47
Speaker 2: What about when they're clear with what they want, like their intentions?

00:25:52
Speaker 1: Okay, intentional? I would put that under my transparency. Okay, but yes, I need that's another one. Entering this new phase of life, opening myself up to more than just like a sleeping buddy. I need you to be intentional. What do you want out of this because with this new mindset that I'm trying really hard to take on, if you're looking to just hook up, like unfortunately I had that moment of just hooking up. I've gone through those phases throughout the four and a half years, like I'm needing something a little bit more.

00:26:31
Speaker 3: It's just not hitting the spot anymore.

00:26:33
Speaker 1: No, I agree, I'm right there with you. So many vibrators out there. You really don't need.

00:26:40
Speaker 2: A man, No you don't, but it's not you know, it's funny. Esther Perel is someone that I love. She's a therapist, psychologist. She's amazing. I love her approach when it comes to relationships. Okay, she said today, we're always looking for a best friend, a partner, a business partner in a relationship. All of our things that we are asking is too much. Right, So when you go out and you find a partner, you don't need a best friend, a best guy friend, right, you have your best girlfriends. You want a definition of what a partner is. And she does this like very beautiful speech on what that looks like. You have to follow her. She's amazing. I would love to actually get her on the podcast because I would geek out.

00:27:28
Speaker 1: I like where this is going because of business partner. Like, let me tell you something, the moment I get involved in business with somebody, it has gone south so quickly. I don't need any help making anything go south quicker than it already has, you know. And then there's nothing that makes me drier than like communicating with you about business, Like this is my unwine time. You're supposed to be my escape. That's another green flag. Someone who has your gonna laugh your ass off. Someone who has a normal job. Oh, you want like a normal like a I mean just a job. Actually, yeah, I'm very confused.

00:28:11
Speaker 2: Wait, you want a plumber or do you want a football player?

00:28:14
Speaker 1: I know I don't want an athlete. I've been very I've been very very transparent about I don't want an athlete.

00:28:23
Speaker 2: I didn't get this memo to me to like start a life with.

00:28:26
Speaker 1: I just don't want it, Okay, and also unpopular opinion, but I'm gonna say it anyway. I've noticed that a lot of women who date athletes like lose their identity a bit.

00:28:38
Speaker 2: Oh we talked about this, true, Yeah, like it feels that way there, it feels that way. I don't know, I just I know some people that I follow where I'm like, oh, this is so interesting that everything they're posting has everything to do with their person, like.

00:28:57
Speaker 3: That is their life.

00:28:59
Speaker 1: And while that is beautiful and wonderful, you know, I don't want to get lost.

00:29:06
Speaker 3: You know, I've worked hard.

00:29:08
Speaker 1: To have my own identity, and I've worked hard to rebuild my identity many times. I'm not looking for anybody to like. And I'm not saying that I don't want to be overshadowed, but I just I don't want to be with someone whose career is so fucking needy that I can't focus on my own.

00:29:28
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, well then that narrows it down. I mean, you're going to need someone who really supports you, but also has their own career that's outside of maybe entertainment.

00:29:38
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:29:38
Speaker 3: I don't love the entertainment idea.

00:29:40
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I mean I actually don't. It's so weird. This popped in my head. Is like someone in music maybe would be okay for you.

00:29:50
Speaker 3: Okay, are you talking like a singer or like.

00:29:53
Speaker 2: No, no, no, no, no no no no, I'm thinking like a music executive, someone that work said his side, yeah, okay, yeah, I don't know why I mean that like makes it feels like it makes sense for you, because listen, here's here's the honest truth. You're in LA. Yeah, you're gonna get a lot of people who are in entertainment in some capacity, right, totally, unless you marry someone that's like a builder, like a construction home builder.

00:30:23
Speaker 3: I don't know. I know that I'm in construction seem a little skeazy.

00:30:27
Speaker 1: Too, unpopular opinion, a lot of traumas that I have.

00:30:35
Speaker 3: Do you think people are gonna hate me on this podcast? No, We're okay.

00:30:42
Speaker 2: There's going to be a lot of people that are going to be able to relate to what you have to say, and some people are not gonna be able to relate to you what you have to say.

00:30:49
Speaker 1: Okay, because nothing that I'm saying is a personal attack on anybody else.

00:30:53
Speaker 3: Let's make that very clear. I'm talking about you that I want in my life.

00:30:58
Speaker 1: I hope no one takes my wants personally, That's all I'm saying. Sometimes that happens. I don't want the woman who's married to the builder to say.

00:31:08
Speaker 3: Fuck you, my husband's amazing. It's like, I'm sure he is.

00:31:12
Speaker 1: I'm only I'm talking about a very specific builder that I once knew. My other green flag A gorgeous face I deserve.

00:31:22
Speaker 3: Oh and so do you.

00:31:24
Speaker 1: I have to want to see you and be like I have to fuck you right now, like I can't keep my mind or my hands off of you.

00:31:34
Speaker 3: That is a muss.

00:31:36
Speaker 2: Oh, well, I have that right now. He doesn't live in the state.

00:31:41
Speaker 3: By the way, another green flag. Long distance I thrive for. I love that for you.

00:31:50
Speaker 2: It's actually good. I actually I really enjoy the long distance. I swore off long distance, and now I'm open to it. When you find a person that is is worth figuring it out. Listen. I said this to him last night. Actually, I said, I never thought I would do long distance. But I think the key is when you're doing a long distance relationship, there has to be a plan, like an endgame, like we could do this for eight months and then you're moving here or I'm moving there, Like there has to be a yeah, a game plan. But also the long distance you communication, which is everything you have to conquer the art of it. So I think that there's something amazing about it. Anyway, thank you so much for listening to another episode of an Unlikely Affair.

00:32:40
Speaker 3: We're going to catch you guys next week. Love you, bye bye