Empowering Mental Resilience: Marcus Weiss's Journey Through Forgiveness, Neuroencoding, and Rewriting Life's Script

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Kohl, the podcast that shines the compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.

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<v Speaker 1>Michael is a dual elite, certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post deployment life.

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<v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles procrastination, self-doubt, fear and more.

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<v Speaker 1>Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>Hey.

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<v Speaker 2>So today we have my friend Marcus Weiss back on, super excited Not only to get to visit because it's been a little while, but to talk about some great stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>So a little bit of information about Marcus is he is an accomplished actor, director and educator.

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<v Speaker 2>He's a dual elite certified neuroencoding specialist focused on spreading positivity and joy, which is amazing.

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<v Speaker 2>He empowers individuals and audiences to embrace optimism, vitality and energy for fulfilling lives.

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<v Speaker 2>Mark's mission is to help others unlock their potential and create a life that they love through the transformative power of forgiveness.

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<v Speaker 2>So welcome my friend.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, thank you so much for having me back, Michael.

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<v Speaker 3>It is such an absolute pleasure.

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely so, marcus.

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<v Speaker 2>For people that haven't met you, don't know you yet, haven't seen the other podcast, tell us a little bit about yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>So, as you mentioned, I am too, as well as you.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm a dual elite.

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<v Speaker 3>Dual elite, certified neuro-encoding specialist.

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<v Speaker 3>It is a mouthful and yet it is very simple.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I help people overcome and get through, frankly, whatever they're getting through into, hopefully, feelings of joy, so that they have the vitality, like you said, the vitality and the energy to move forward, to move towards that, to be pulled into those good feelings so that they can get through, you know, challenges over obstacles and that kind of a thing.

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<v Speaker 3>So I was born in New York, I grew up in Switzerland, kind of multicultural, you know multicultural and I had, quite frankly in my story that I have up here and in here, a challenging childhood.

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<v Speaker 3>My parents got divorced in a way that struck me as traumatic at the time and in me built up some stuff that by the time I got to college I got really depressed and in college just all of it kind of like hit me in the face and I became very ill Physically.

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<v Speaker 3>I became anorexic and battled depression in college and I found at that time going into the theater is where I found that I could change the script in my head, to change how I felt and sort of change what I did which is what we talk about in neuro encoding so that I would get different results.

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<v Speaker 3>And on stage in college, it was the applause of the audience, right, and that was this kind of like oh, the world is great, the world is okay.

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<v Speaker 3>And I felt uplifted even talking about it.

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<v Speaker 3>The hairs on my arm because they're not up here stand on end, because it was so great.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like yeah, yeah, yeah, except when I wasn't on stage.

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<v Speaker 3>I was like, well, here I am back to life, back to life and see this face.

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<v Speaker 3>And it just kept, you know.

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<v Speaker 3>And over time it wasn't until I discovered, frankly, neuro encoding, where I, where I trans, sort of transferred the skills that I had in the theater into real life, and I realized I could apply those same things into sort of real life.

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<v Speaker 3>And I realized I could apply those same things and that really in any moment, really any day of my life, I can choose to change that script that I have up here so that I can show up in a in a moment and make it meaningful.

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<v Speaker 3>And that's what's so important.

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<v Speaker 3>Meaningful, michael, whatever is meaningful to you, and meaning, if we have meaning, that's the thing that that pulls us, that pulls us forward.

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<v Speaker 3>So that's what.

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<v Speaker 3>That's what my mission is.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, I could.

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<v Speaker 3>I could talk about it for forever.

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<v Speaker 3>We could, which is why, which is why I'm here.

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<v Speaker 3>So so that's what I do.

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<v Speaker 3>So I'm a.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm an actor, director, educator, a speaker and coach not necessarily in that order, because it all, it all goes together.

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<v Speaker 2>We're all showing up in this world stage, you know?

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<v Speaker 2>Absolutely.

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<v Speaker 2>So thank you for going through that.

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<v Speaker 2>And before diving, I just want to remind everybody because I tend to forget.

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<v Speaker 2>I just get in these conversations, I'm sucked in and I totally forget.

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<v Speaker 2>On top right-hand corner of your screen there is a blue QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>So people that are listening on podcast forums.

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<v Speaker 2>Later on it takes you to empowerperformancestrategiescom Again empowerperformancestrategiescom.

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<v Speaker 2>So if you're here with us for watching this, scan the QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>Otherwise, please check that out.

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<v Speaker 2>There are all kinds of resources, a couple of books I've written for veterans and their families, and also there are some Facebook groups to join the community, get involved, you know, be with, be with others like you.

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<v Speaker 2>So please check that stuff out.

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<v Speaker 2>So, mark, is you ready?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, yes, so.

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<v Speaker 3>No, I'm going to say everybody ready can be a fallacy, michael.

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<v Speaker 3>Are we ever really ready?

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<v Speaker 3>Does anybody really know the future?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't care, I'm ready.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm ready, let's go.

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<v Speaker 2>All right.

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<v Speaker 2>So forgiveness is often seen as a personal act.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you guide people veterans, whatever the case may be, and their families to use forgiveness as a tool for healing collective wounds and building stronger relationships, whether that be yourself or other people, of course?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, all right.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, forgiveness to me is a willingness to be for giving up the past.

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<v Speaker 3>It is for giving up the past Because when we're in a place where we're seeking forgiveness, either of ourselves or forgiving other people, we're in this place of having a feeling that something happened in the past.

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<v Speaker 3>Something happened in the past that's created some kind of regret, like in ourselves, like, oh, I did this and I shouldn't have done that, and we're giving ourselves or some kind of resentment towards somebody else, meaning they did something or something happened on the outside that I'm struggling with.

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<v Speaker 3>Both regret and resentment have that same two letters in the beginning, which is re, which is also included in the word repetition, which means that we keep repeating that story in our heads about what we did or didn't do or what somebody else did or didn't do.

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<v Speaker 3>That created either regret or resentment, and so the key would be to, just like you know, as an actor, to step into, you know, to have the curtain go up and we're stepping on stage into a new moment, into a new show, into something that has nothing to do with the past.

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<v Speaker 3>When I, as an actor, step onto the stage, I leave my chores behind, I'm not thinking about my kids and soccer practice, and all that right, because I'm in the moment of what's happening on stage.

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<v Speaker 3>There's a totally different story going on, and so so the key is how do we?

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<v Speaker 3>How do we do that?

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<v Speaker 3>How do we?

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<v Speaker 3>Essentially, you could describe it as letting go and, at the same time, for me and the and those I work with my, my experience has been that that letting go is harder.

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<v Speaker 3>It sounds, it sounds simple and yet it tends to be hard to do.

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<v Speaker 3>So what are the things that we can actually physically do?

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<v Speaker 3>You know, that involves, frankly, the body to move us into a new moment, and so, for me, it starts with acknowledging what some resentments and regrets might be.

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<v Speaker 3>So you might write them down, write a couple down or write all of them down.

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<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean, whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 3>If you have five minutes, take five minutes.

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<v Speaker 3>If you have two minutes, take two minutes.

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<v Speaker 3>I bet you can come up with something you regret or you resent in yourself or others, and then you pick the strongest one, the one that sticks out the most, the one that sticks out the most, and then and this goes back to something we know, which is the stop technique, because we have to interrupt that pattern.

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<v Speaker 3>We have to interrupt wanting to repeat that story of resentment or regret.

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<v Speaker 3>So when we want to go to, oh see, and I'm thinking, I'm thinking right now, I'm thinking about something that I'm still going through, that I still regret or almost resent, and yet, as a neuro-encoding specialist, I know what to do.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, good morning Emily.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi Emily, so what do you do?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you do?

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<v Speaker 3>I stop Right now.

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<v Speaker 3>I interrupted the pattern of talking, so you interrupt the pattern Now and you don't wait until it happens.

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<v Speaker 3>Which means, just like an actor, I rehearse.

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<v Speaker 3>That means I practice with commitment and emotion.

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<v Speaker 3>I take that strongest resentment or regret.

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<v Speaker 3>I have a seat, if you can.

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<v Speaker 3>I have a seat and I make myself feel that thing.

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<v Speaker 3>I make myself feel that thing?

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<v Speaker 2>What kind of level do you do that to?

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<v Speaker 2>Would you say?

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<v Speaker 3>I wouldn't feel it at a 10.

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<v Speaker 3>I would feel it at like a seven or an eight, for two reasons.

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<v Speaker 3>Number one you don't have to feel at a 10 in order to do this, because you're going to interrupt the pattern in a second.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you do feel it at a 10, chances are you're going to start to wallow in it.

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<v Speaker 3>That I mean you're going to try, you're going to stay in it, because you're so used to staying in the regret or in the resentment.

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<v Speaker 3>So, as an actor, I'm embodying it as I speak.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's comfortable for most people, right, and that's why they tend to stay there.

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<v Speaker 2>They tend to stay in their comfort zone.

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<v Speaker 2>So even if you were to start at a five or six, just to kind of start getting that feeling and not do the stop technique, it probably worked just as well yeah, oh will, thank you for bringing that up.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh yeah, five or six, even a four.

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<v Speaker 3>What you're doing, all you're doing really is is is indicating, is just going there for a second because you are absolutely right, you're going to want to stay in your comfort zone and for those of us who are thinking, when we reference a comfort zone, it's like what are you talking about?

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<v Speaker 3>Regret and resentment doesn't feel comfortable.

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<v Speaker 3>It doesn't feel comfortable as a feeling in the body and the mind, but what's comfortable about it is that we know something, we know we regret something, we know we resent something and, as human beings, our identity and what we know about ourselves is the thing that we gravitate towards the most, because the world is so uncertain, so many things have happened in life and so many things continue to happen in the moment and will happen.

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<v Speaker 3>The one thing we can hold on to is is what do I know?

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<v Speaker 3>So the key is how can we change what we know about ourselves?

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<v Speaker 3>And this, what we're talking about, the stop technique, is an active way of doing that.

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<v Speaker 3>So here we are sitting down and, at four, five, like you said, think about that thing that you regret or resent the most, as soon as you feel it in there, as soon as you do, you stand up If you can stand up.

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<v Speaker 3>If you can't stand up, you sit up straight.

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<v Speaker 3>If you can't sit up straight, you turn your head, do something.

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<v Speaker 3>There you go, you do something to change your body position.

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<v Speaker 3>In that moment, your brain is distracted and your brain is like what just happened I thought I was just thinking about a resentment and in that moment you create a scotoma, which is this blank spot, a vacuum in your brain.

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<v Speaker 3>It's distracted.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like when a baby is crying and you go, you know, and you know those doctors online in a YouTube video.

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<v Speaker 3>They pull out tissues and the baby is crying and the baby stops crying because it's confused.

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<v Speaker 3>So in that moment, your head is like a baby, it's empty, creating a vacuum.

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<v Speaker 3>And in that moment, when you've created that by saying, by changing about a position and saying, by the way, stop Literally say the word stop, because that's energy, it's making your body do something else, it's doing your mouth, your mouth, is doing something other than clenching, it's going stop and in that moment your brain wants something.

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<v Speaker 3>It's that vacuum, that blank vacuum, and then you put something good in there.

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<v Speaker 3>Very important that you put something good in there.

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<v Speaker 3>Very important that you put something good in there.

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<v Speaker 3>You replace it.

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<v Speaker 3>So you're replacing the resentment with something good, that moment of like you're trying to associate going somewhere else with that thought.

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<v Speaker 3>You're going to replace it.

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<v Speaker 3>So you change, say stop, take a breath in smile and say something like I am magnificent or I am confident.

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<v Speaker 3>Something extreme, okay, because you might as well.

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<v Speaker 3>You're making it up.

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<v Speaker 3>You get to put something in there.

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<v Speaker 3>So you put something in there like I am magnificent.

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<v Speaker 3>And then you anchor it by going yes, and you squeeze your fist.

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<v Speaker 3>You say yes, that's telling yourself I did that, I did that.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes.

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<v Speaker 3>After that last step, you take your own hand and you pat your back, and if you can't pat your back, you pat your chest or whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 3>Or you hug yourself and celebrate, celebrate, you got to celebrate by going yeah, whatever it is, shake your body or just do something to indicate celebration, because what celebration is is that was a good thing.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's do more of it.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, we don't celebrate something we think sucked, excuse my language, that was bad.

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<v Speaker 3>We celebrate something that was good.

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<v Speaker 3>Sucked, excuse my language, that was bad.

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<v Speaker 3>We celebrate something that was good.

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<v Speaker 3>So once you've done that, once you do it again Absolutely, you sit down, you get to that feeling.

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<v Speaker 3>As soon as you get that feeling, don't wallow in it.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to rehearse, not wallowing.

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<v Speaker 3>You want to rehearse defaulting, going automatically to the change body position.

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<v Speaker 3>Say stop, put a smile on your face, say I am magnificent, pat, pat, pat, and celebrate.

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<v Speaker 3>And you do that 10 times in a row, and you do that for 10 days, twice a day, and it takes less than two minutes really each time yourself to eventually essentially associate that image with going to feeling better.

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<v Speaker 3>And once you feel better, you're going to want to move towards those feelings, towards those better feelings, because we're all aiming to move towards better feelings, amen.

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<v Speaker 3>Feelings that lift us.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, and the cool thing about this exercise, you really are conditioning yourself and you can use it, like like Marcus you had said, for literally anything.

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<v Speaker 2>Anything that creates puts you in an unresourceful state, whether you're thinking about paying your bills, your kids, you know any, literally anything you can literally change and as as you condition yourself, you literally can snap yourself out of things very quickly.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's the beauty of neuroencoding, because you're literally defaulting back to your best self and whatever that means for you, because that's what matters.

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<v Speaker 2>So I love that you brought up the stop technique.

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<v Speaker 2>Fantastic, marcus.

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<v Speaker 2>Thank you, man.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you, michael, it's.

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<v Speaker 3>It's interesting.

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<v Speaker 3>You know you might be thinking and I'm so glad you brought that up because doing it for one feeling will will transfer to other, to other, other thoughts, I mean you know other things.

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<v Speaker 3>It's sort of a global, it has a global effect and you know we talk about forgiveness and you know regret and resentment and needing to or wanting to move, you know out of that, because those are extreme, those tend to be really heavy, extreme feelings.

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<v Speaker 3>You know Absolutely.

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<v Speaker 3>You know we think about maybe there's other things that only irritate us, but regardless their feelings that are on the, on the for lack of a better word the unresourceful or the negative spec side of the of the feeling spectrum.

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<v Speaker 3>Right, and as long as we can move even a little bit into the positive or resourceful end of the feeling spectrum, we're quote unquote, you know, better off.

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<v Speaker 3>And who doesn't want to feel and act and have better in their lives?

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<v Speaker 3>Who doesn't want joy.

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<v Speaker 3>Who doesn't want joy, let's go.

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<v Speaker 3>I know right, but here's the thing.

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<v Speaker 3>Look, this is.

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<v Speaker 3>Who doesn't want joy?

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<v Speaker 3>This is my version.

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<v Speaker 3>This is my version, you know, and I want to invite everybody to consider, that joy takes lots of different forms.

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<v Speaker 3>It can be awe, it can be a sense of wonder, a sense of gratitude, a sense of peace, a sense of a flow.

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<v Speaker 3>Flow, you know there's, you know there's all kinds of different energies out there and flows out there.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, I often talk to those I work with about different animals.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, there's the, there's the snail, you know, moving along and there's, like a cheetah, running across the savannah, and both of those animals are in a state of flow that you know.

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<v Speaker 3>The snail is different, this looks different.

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<v Speaker 3>The snail is different, this looks different.

00:17:59.155 --> 00:18:06.464
<v Speaker 3>I might go go, but that snail is going, let's go.

00:18:06.464 --> 00:18:08.807
<v Speaker 3>That salad looks amazing.

00:18:08.807 --> 00:18:11.490
<v Speaker 3>Same feeling, bro, there it is.

00:18:12.009 --> 00:18:12.671
<v Speaker 2>I love it, man.

00:18:12.671 --> 00:18:30.289
<v Speaker 2>Hey, so what are some of the, since we're talking about this, what are some of the common barriers that you've seen again with yourself, with other people, with your clients, whatever the cases may be, that really kind of stop people from forgiving Anything is different for everybody.

00:18:30.289 --> 00:18:40.051
<v Speaker 2>And then I actually want to go through something when we're done talking about this what, what are some of the things, the barriers that that people get into?

00:18:40.051 --> 00:18:40.473
<v Speaker 2>Do you think?

00:18:42.846 --> 00:19:02.490
<v Speaker 3>The thing that I have found is is people seek retribution, people seek amends, they want a price to be paid.

00:19:02.490 --> 00:19:08.031
<v Speaker 3>I think in some ways they want more consequences.

00:19:08.974 --> 00:19:10.530
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I never thought about that, Marcus.

00:19:10.530 --> 00:19:12.049
<v Speaker 2>Honestly, I never thought about it that way.

00:19:12.049 --> 00:19:12.813
<v Speaker 2>Great point man.

00:19:13.144 --> 00:19:17.115
<v Speaker 3>And I think I mean that's what I.

00:19:17.115 --> 00:19:18.573
<v Speaker 3>That's because you were asking me.

00:19:18.573 --> 00:19:19.558
<v Speaker 3>You know, what do I encounter?

00:19:19.558 --> 00:19:25.755
<v Speaker 3>What's a barrier that I've encountered and that's the thing that I encounter most is that people sift through.

00:19:25.755 --> 00:19:27.932
<v Speaker 3>I use the word sift through rather than struggle.

00:19:27.932 --> 00:19:39.713
<v Speaker 3>You know, struggle implies that it already, you're already telling yourself you're in that, and sifting through means that the sands of yourself, of you, can move through something you know.

00:19:39.713 --> 00:19:58.741
<v Speaker 3>So, when you're so, I invite you to, I invite people to use that word first of all and um, the problem or or the challenge with, with a price to be paid, both for ourselves, like we want, you know, when we regret, sometimes we want ourselves to have a consequence for that.

00:19:58.904 --> 00:20:05.933
<v Speaker 3>You know, like there's this self-punishment that we want to happen, and again, it has to do with the past.

00:20:05.933 --> 00:20:07.733
<v Speaker 3>We're still focused on the past.

00:20:07.733 --> 00:20:09.792
<v Speaker 3>We're still going like this happened in the past.

00:20:09.792 --> 00:20:19.517
<v Speaker 3>This is how much it cost me, this is how much, this is how much retribution, this is how much revenge I need, or this is how much.

00:20:19.517 --> 00:20:23.136
<v Speaker 3>This is the price I need from you and by you yourself.

00:20:23.136 --> 00:20:31.752
<v Speaker 3>This is how much I need to be punished before I can move on, and yet and yet moving on and yet giving up the past.

00:20:31.752 --> 00:20:34.898
<v Speaker 3>At a certain point you have let it go.

00:20:34.898 --> 00:20:42.432
<v Speaker 3>You can inch up to that diving board edge, remember as a kid, and you can stand up there and punish yourself.

00:20:42.432 --> 00:20:44.396
<v Speaker 3>Or you can stand up there and think about the past.

00:20:44.396 --> 00:20:52.477
<v Speaker 3>You can stand up there and think about all the things that it would take to jump, but in the end that jump is a millimeter shift.

00:20:52.477 --> 00:20:55.272
<v Speaker 3>You're either on the board or you're off the board.

00:20:56.445 --> 00:21:04.096
<v Speaker 3>If I distracted somebody, if somebody was walking, they were caught in thought and they were about to cross the street and all of a sudden a car comes and they're like whoa.

00:21:04.096 --> 00:21:10.157
<v Speaker 3>In that moment you're no longer thinking about the things you were daydreaming about.

00:21:10.157 --> 00:21:12.772
<v Speaker 3>You're thinking like whoa, that car just went by.

00:21:12.772 --> 00:21:15.391
<v Speaker 3>There's an oh shit moment.

00:21:15.391 --> 00:21:22.167
<v Speaker 3>Or, on the beautiful side, you know you might be worried about your significant other, you know having done something.

00:21:22.167 --> 00:21:25.765
<v Speaker 3>Or you're worried like, oh, they're out there and they're not being faithful, or something like that.

00:21:25.765 --> 00:21:29.309
<v Speaker 3>And then you find out, oh, it was all just in your imagination.

00:21:29.309 --> 00:21:34.858
<v Speaker 3>And then all of a sudden you're like, oh, you're on cloud nine, right, that's also an immediate shift.

00:21:34.858 --> 00:21:46.378
<v Speaker 3>So that's been my, that's been my thing I work with people to to release the need to to seek retribution.

00:21:46.378 --> 00:21:50.435
<v Speaker 3>I love that Seek specific price, because you'll never know what that price is.

00:22:12.244 --> 00:22:13.989
<v Speaker 2>I love that question um, yeah, she, um, she.

00:22:13.989 --> 00:22:16.433
<v Speaker 2>I don't know where she got it from, I, I, it's not sure, but she always says um, uh, what's it?

00:22:16.433 --> 00:22:16.534
<v Speaker 2>What?

00:22:16.534 --> 00:22:16.814
<v Speaker 2>Um you're?

00:22:16.814 --> 00:22:24.916
<v Speaker 2>You're drinking the poison, expecting the other person to die oh yeah, right, that's what it, is right, I mean you're literally.

00:22:25.217 --> 00:22:30.708
<v Speaker 1>It just popped into my head because it's a reminder all the time of you're just hurting yourself.

00:22:31.709 --> 00:22:33.790
<v Speaker 2>You just barely even know what's going on most of the time.

00:22:34.651 --> 00:22:46.619
<v Speaker 3>No, and you're just hurting yourself because you know sometimes we have to forgive, especially because the other person might not care.

00:22:46.619 --> 00:22:49.321
<v Speaker 3>You can't control other people.

00:22:49.321 --> 00:22:53.890
<v Speaker 3>You can influence other people, but you can't control them.

00:22:53.890 --> 00:23:05.605
<v Speaker 3>So in the end, and even if they say, even if they could pretend to care, so you'll never really know if they, if they care about your feelings and about what you know, what they did to you.

00:23:06.027 --> 00:23:13.271
<v Speaker 3>So that's another thing that that I help, you know, people shift is this idea that life happens to you, life happens for you.

00:23:13.271 --> 00:23:16.240
<v Speaker 3>It's an opportunity for you to grow.

00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:27.580
<v Speaker 3>It's an opportunity for you to get better at letting go of the past, of letting go of resentment towards somebody, even if they don't change at all.

00:23:27.580 --> 00:23:29.548
<v Speaker 3>Because what else are you going to do?

00:23:29.548 --> 00:23:37.632
<v Speaker 3>Because, in the end, you is really all you have to to begin with to show up in the world with.

00:23:37.632 --> 00:23:45.355
<v Speaker 3>So, so you, we all, must find a way to, like you said, to stop drinking our own poison, and that goes for ourselves too.

00:23:45.355 --> 00:23:57.538
<v Speaker 3>Like you are, you're, you're, it's like, even if you're like, regretful in yourself, you're still hurting yourself by by trying to, by trying to punish and poison that old self.

00:23:58.146 --> 00:24:00.086
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely, and it's.

00:24:00.086 --> 00:24:05.919
<v Speaker 2>It's funny how often I'm not talking about ourselves necessarily, because again, your thoughts become your reality, right?

00:24:05.919 --> 00:24:06.807
<v Speaker 2>So you can.

00:24:06.807 --> 00:24:08.634
<v Speaker 2>You can convince yourself anything you want to.

00:24:08.634 --> 00:24:13.887
<v Speaker 2>You can convince yourself anything you want to.

00:24:13.887 --> 00:24:22.333
<v Speaker 2>So with other people, though, I mean, how many times have I found out later on that somebody thought I was upset with them or something because of a text that I sent and I wasn't at all right?

00:24:22.333 --> 00:24:30.213
<v Speaker 2>I mean, how many times do you think that you've gotten upset about something and it wasn't the reality in the first place?

00:24:30.213 --> 00:24:37.553
<v Speaker 2>It was just the way that you generalize the information, delete the information, whatever the case may be, like our brains have to do to protect ourselves.

00:24:37.553 --> 00:24:40.232
<v Speaker 2>How often is that?

00:24:40.232 --> 00:24:42.753
<v Speaker 2>So I'm always going to say have a conversation.

00:24:42.753 --> 00:24:46.276
<v Speaker 2>If you're upset about somebody or something, have a conversation.

00:24:46.276 --> 00:24:55.255
<v Speaker 2>Then learn from the conversation, because otherwise it's just thoughts spinning in your head for the most part, and it's just drinking the poison it is just drinking the poison.

00:24:55.275 --> 00:25:06.672
<v Speaker 3>What do you do, michael, when that conversation is difficult to have or they're not willing the other person's not willing to have a conversation so interesting.

00:25:06.692 --> 00:25:07.053
<v Speaker 2>You bring that up.

00:25:07.053 --> 00:25:09.057
<v Speaker 2>So, um, difficult conversations you have to always get, and this is with anything in life you want to.

00:25:09.057 --> 00:25:13.454
<v Speaker 2>Um, difficult conversations you have to always get, and this is with anything in life you want to move forward with.

00:25:13.454 --> 00:25:15.905
<v Speaker 2>You have to get uncomfortable, to be comfortable, right.

00:25:15.905 --> 00:25:17.990
<v Speaker 2>So you have to take a step.

00:25:17.990 --> 00:25:25.998
<v Speaker 2>You have to find a way to just bring it up, to talk to them about it, and not in a you're wrong or anything like that.

00:25:25.998 --> 00:25:27.823
<v Speaker 2>And you can do this with yourself too.

00:25:27.943 --> 00:25:31.976
<v Speaker 2>Be critical, be um curious, not critical, as ven Vinu Keller always says, right.

00:25:31.976 --> 00:25:45.540
<v Speaker 2>So if you are asking somebody from a good heart and not a aggravated pissed off, whatever the case may be, hey, you and you're just saying, hey, you know, this came up and I was just curious.

00:25:45.540 --> 00:25:52.953
<v Speaker 2>It's going to be a whole different conversation, but you have to be brave enough, courageous enough to take that one step.

00:25:52.953 --> 00:25:57.070
<v Speaker 2>Send that dial, that one number, that one meeting.

00:25:57.070 --> 00:25:59.369
<v Speaker 2>Don't have lunch, whatever the case may be.

00:25:59.369 --> 00:26:02.775
<v Speaker 2>So it does take that second of courageousness to take one action.

00:26:02.775 --> 00:26:05.753
<v Speaker 2>One action puts it all to start some momentum in place.

00:26:05.753 --> 00:26:07.548
<v Speaker 2>Take one action.

00:26:07.868 --> 00:26:09.513
<v Speaker 2>So that's, that's my advice there, man.

00:26:09.994 --> 00:26:12.166
<v Speaker 3>And I love, yeah, take one action.

00:26:12.166 --> 00:26:18.186
<v Speaker 3>So that's, that's my advice there, man, and I love, yeah, I love what you said, but not like hey, you, because this, this finger, is like a sword, and when you pull out that sword, what's the other person going to do?

00:26:18.186 --> 00:26:24.057
<v Speaker 3>They're going to, they're going to they're going to bring up a shield and they're going to they're going to build armor around themselves.

00:26:24.057 --> 00:26:25.345
<v Speaker 3>The same thing goes for yourself.

00:26:25.345 --> 00:26:42.590
<v Speaker 3>So have grace for yourself and don't point the finger so hard at yourself, or that part of you is just going to get defensive and just just dig themselves into the trenches, um, but rather approach it with hey, how do we move forward?

00:26:42.590 --> 00:26:46.436
<v Speaker 3>Or how, how would, how can we fix this?

00:26:46.436 --> 00:26:47.338
<v Speaker 3>Or what can I do to?

00:26:47.338 --> 00:26:48.786
<v Speaker 3>What can I do to fix this?

00:26:49.146 --> 00:26:52.031
<v Speaker 2>hey, this bothered me, I was just curious you, what can I do to fix this?

00:26:52.031 --> 00:26:53.374
<v Speaker 2>Hey, this bothered me, I was just curious.

00:26:53.374 --> 00:26:54.214
<v Speaker 2>You know what that meant for you.

00:26:54.214 --> 00:27:02.692
<v Speaker 2>Or you know, again, going back to curiosity and not not being critical because it opens up a whole different conversation.

00:27:02.692 --> 00:27:04.140
<v Speaker 2>Hey, I love you and this really kind of bothered me and I'm just curious.

00:27:04.140 --> 00:27:05.065
<v Speaker 2>You know what what you meant by that?

00:27:05.065 --> 00:27:07.853
<v Speaker 2>You know, I'm just trying to understand for myself.

00:27:07.853 --> 00:27:14.999
<v Speaker 2>And the beautiful thing about anything that upsets you or anything bad in life like you said, life is happening for us, not to us.

00:27:14.999 --> 00:27:20.923
<v Speaker 2>It gives you the opportunity to learn from it and if you learn from one conversation, guess what?

00:27:20.923 --> 00:27:23.111
<v Speaker 2>That next tough conversation may be easier.

00:27:24.635 --> 00:27:25.900
<v Speaker 3>Right, that's so great.

00:27:25.900 --> 00:27:27.685
<v Speaker 3>You just said that, michael, because I was going to ask you.

00:27:27.685 --> 00:27:34.939
<v Speaker 3>Some of us, when we say it gives you an opportunity to learn and to grow, might be thinking well, why do I want to learn and grow all the time?

00:27:34.939 --> 00:27:49.238
<v Speaker 3>So that the next time something happens you feel better in it, you get better at dealing with it, and it leads to this, a feeling of greater flow, of peace and, dare I say, joy.

00:27:49.238 --> 00:27:52.248
<v Speaker 3>I knew that was coming, of course you knew that was coming.

00:27:52.347 --> 00:27:54.210
<v Speaker 3>Of course, you knew it was coming.

00:27:54.269 --> 00:27:54.950
<v Speaker 2>That was awesome.

00:27:54.950 --> 00:28:00.816
<v Speaker 2>So you know, one of the things that I and I want to get your feedback on this as well, and this is what I wanted to bring up.

00:28:00.816 --> 00:28:22.938
<v Speaker 2>So and we're almost out of time but you know, for me and this goes for myself, this goes for other people I always have I'm not necessarily forgiving an act, I'm forgiving the person, I'm forgiving myself, whatever the case may be, by simply saying and believing you have to believe it that the person or myself was doing the best they could for who they were at the time.

00:28:22.938 --> 00:28:32.127
<v Speaker 2>And I truly believe that for most people and it's very it really puts a different perspective for forgiveness for me, and I've used it for a long time.

00:28:32.127 --> 00:28:34.753
<v Speaker 2>What do you think about that?

00:28:36.416 --> 00:28:37.680
<v Speaker 3>I think it's absolutely true.

00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:39.304
<v Speaker 3>I think it's absolutely true.

00:28:39.304 --> 00:28:55.127
<v Speaker 3>I think where it gets challenging right for people is that when they look at someone else and they go and and they associate the other person's actions and behavior and emotions with something really intense and instead of negative, right, it's like, oh well, they, they, they, they, they punched.

00:28:55.127 --> 00:28:57.237
<v Speaker 3>You know, I mean not necessarily physically, but they were, they were super, they punched.

00:28:57.237 --> 00:29:04.318
<v Speaker 3>You know what I mean, not necessarily physically, but they were, they were super angry, they did something really mean or whatever it is, and that kind of thing is like, well, how can that be the best that they could do?

00:29:04.318 --> 00:29:24.903
<v Speaker 3>You know, it's one thing when, um, when we're dealing with emotions that that seem that far on the um, on the negative side of the spectrum, so, but still, um, that is the best that somebody could do with with the tools that they had, based on the the life that that they've experienced.

00:29:24.923 --> 00:29:46.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, at that time, and it could change two years later they could be a totally different handle it, totally different by what learning right, but exactly exactly by learning and again, and it's like you know, it's, it's the equivalent for me of of of looking at at the world as ultimately benevolent, as ultimately good.

00:29:47.082 --> 00:30:02.178
<v Speaker 3>You know, for me personally, for those I work with, I, I, I find that that pulls us into our lives, uh, more easily, and and and and with greater peace, and that's so that we look forward to stepping into the next moment and into the future.

00:30:02.178 --> 00:30:18.241
<v Speaker 3>And that same thing goes for for assuming positive intent, like assuming that people were doing the best that they can do, just puts them in a different light and it wants us to move toward solving the issue with that person, or or towards loving that person or towards forgiving that person.

00:30:18.241 --> 00:30:35.084
<v Speaker 3>It just brightens that person, it puts a different filter on that person that ultimately allows us to feel better about that person or that situation, which again just lifts the veil off of us a bit.

00:30:35.084 --> 00:30:41.583
<v Speaker 3>It just makes us feel that much lighter and wanting to move forward in our lives, which again is what we all, I believe, want to do.

00:30:41.603 --> 00:30:43.107
<v Speaker 2>I agree, I agree.

00:30:43.107 --> 00:30:44.431
<v Speaker 2>Awesome man, hey.

00:30:44.431 --> 00:30:48.339
<v Speaker 2>So we're over time and I know we both have other commitments after this.

00:30:48.339 --> 00:30:53.316
<v Speaker 2>So first of all, Marcus, how do people reach out to you to contact?

00:30:54.136 --> 00:30:54.238
<v Speaker 3>you?

00:30:54.238 --> 00:30:54.417
<v Speaker 3>Okay.

00:30:54.417 --> 00:31:10.327
<v Speaker 3>Well, I am the marcus weiss experience on instagram, I am marcus jacob weiss on facebook, I am marcus weiss on linkedin and I am wwwthemarcusweissexperiencecom.

00:31:10.327 --> 00:31:18.113
<v Speaker 3>Okay, so those are all the plentiful ways you can reach out to me, and I'd be more than thrilled to hear from anybody or everybody absolutely love it, man.

00:31:18.193 --> 00:31:23.703
<v Speaker 2>And then, as always, three quick tips to get veterans and their families further fast.

00:31:24.829 --> 00:31:25.050
<v Speaker 3>OK.

00:31:25.050 --> 00:31:35.453
<v Speaker 3>Number one when you wake up in the morning, make yourself say it's going to be a great day, literally open your eyes, and this is what I do every morning.

00:31:35.453 --> 00:31:39.381
<v Speaker 3>I literally take my fingers and I put them here and I go like this it's going to be a great day.

00:31:39.381 --> 00:31:45.842
<v Speaker 3>But even if you just put your hands here to remember this moment and go, it's going to be a great day, your brain will believe you.

00:31:45.842 --> 00:31:58.063
<v Speaker 3>In that moment it's like a kid, pretending just enough to perhaps smile, just enough to move you, just enough to get that body moving, because what you think is how you feel is what you do with your body.

00:31:58.063 --> 00:31:59.913
<v Speaker 3>And then, all of a sudden, you'll be up.

00:31:59.913 --> 00:32:00.576
<v Speaker 3>That's number one.

00:32:00.635 --> 00:32:14.676
<v Speaker 3>Number two on the other side of the spectrum at night, when your head hits the pillow and you close your eyes, make yourself that is, do the thing of reviewing things that went well that day, so that again you're telling your brain it was a great day.

00:32:14.676 --> 00:32:18.732
<v Speaker 3>You're not just looking forward to it and making it and proving that is a great day.

00:32:18.732 --> 00:32:23.049
<v Speaker 3>You're proving on the back end that it was a great day, anything and everything.

00:32:23.049 --> 00:32:35.509
<v Speaker 3>Set that bar low, I'll be the one to tell you set the bar low and then go to sleep on those grateful notes and then, throughout the day, catch yourself going to the negative side of the spectrum.

00:32:35.509 --> 00:32:37.374
<v Speaker 3>Practice that stop technique.

00:32:37.374 --> 00:32:57.894
<v Speaker 3>But even if you don't practice the stop technique, which I hope you do, in those moments when you catch yourself at least take a breath in, put a little smile on your face and go oh, I caught myself feeling on the negative side of the spectrum, and even that will condition you to start looking towards the brighter things in life and move towards that light.

00:32:57.894 --> 00:32:59.078
<v Speaker 3>I hope that helps.

00:32:59.590 --> 00:33:02.133
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely love those and just remember everybody.

00:33:02.133 --> 00:33:03.474
<v Speaker 2>These are all choices.

00:33:03.474 --> 00:33:06.260
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, man Choose wisely.

00:33:06.260 --> 00:33:10.414
<v Speaker 2>It's your life, yeah, and these were fantastic tips.

00:33:10.414 --> 00:33:10.756
<v Speaker 2>Marcus.

00:33:10.756 --> 00:33:12.039
<v Speaker 2>Love you, brother.

00:33:12.039 --> 00:33:14.332
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, as always.

00:33:14.332 --> 00:33:17.700
<v Speaker 2>Time our most precious resource is human beings.

00:33:17.700 --> 00:33:18.962
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

00:33:18.962 --> 00:33:21.757
<v Speaker 2>I'm honored that you came back and we got to spend some time together.

00:33:22.018 --> 00:33:25.193
<v Speaker 3>So thank you Tremendous Thank you for the work you do.

00:33:25.193 --> 00:33:26.457
<v Speaker 3>Thank you Much love.

00:33:27.058 --> 00:33:30.508
<v Speaker 2>All right, man, we are out of here, yeah.

00:33:31.890 --> 00:33:38.344
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.

00:33:38.344 --> 00:33:41.980
<v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.

00:33:41.980 --> 00:33:48.996
<v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformancestrategiescom.

00:33:48.996 --> 00:33:53.593
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.

00:33:53.593 --> 00:33:58.624
<v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.

00:33:58.624 --> 00:34:00.355
<v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.