Angie Martinez IRL - Emma Grede: Know Your Worth - In Business and in Love

00:00:00
Speaker 1: I love that you identified your own anger issues and then went and then got help for your anger issues. Nobody like, nothing terrible happened. Nobody had to intervene.

00:00:08
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I knew that that wasn't matching up to the life that I wanted. I wouldn't be able to take me and my little angry, crazy girl self and do the things that I wanted to do. And that was so clear to me. I said, this is not going to row. It's not going to work in a workplace.

00:00:26
Speaker 1: Hey guys, this episode is brought to you by boost Mobile. When you look at the word boss, I mean her face should just appear. As a young kid in London. She was born an entrepreneur. She built billion dollar brands like Good American and Skims, all while being a wife and a mother of four. She's a trailblazer in business, breaking barriers. Her debut book, Start with Yourself, is out now and it got gems in it. Emma Greed is our guest today on I rel Name Pierre. Emma. You are out here working. I am out in these straight I don't know if it's my algorithms gives me you, my algorithm serves.

00:01:03
Speaker 2: Me angling my way to you, Auntie, get me close down.

00:01:07
Speaker 1: No, no, but you are working. We met recently for the first time, not that recently in years. Was it a year at the Skims Lawn store launch here.

00:01:15
Speaker 2: In New York store launch. You were busy now you were, you know, around with your friends and all, and.

00:01:24
Speaker 1: You were no, you were already like no. They came up to me and they were like, Emma Greed would like to meet you. I was like, I would love to meet her.

00:01:30
Speaker 2: And I always I have no shame anyone I want to meet. I'm like, I want to meet her. Can you introduce me? Do you know her? I think it was Tiana Taylor or somewhere. I was just literally like, I want to meet Angie.

00:01:41
Speaker 1: Oh, it's so sweet. It was, it was, It was lovely, but yes, we didn't have a time to connect that. I think even from that moment, even to now, from last year to now, has your life changed tremendously or it's just just from the outside that it seems like it's changed.

00:01:57
Speaker 2: Great question. You know, my life hasn't changed at all, really, But it's so funny because I don't know that my life feels like it's changed. For a really long time. You know, there's such an interesting perception that's out there, and honestly, it's one of the reasons that I wrote this book because I honestly feel like people see one version of you, and the reality of your life is so different. So I was like, let me write a book. It tells the truth about actually my life and what it is.

00:02:21
Speaker 1: It's not just the book though, it's the podcast. It's your public presence is way more significant than it was a year ago, for real.

00:02:30
Speaker 2: But my work life hasn't changed. My life life hasn't changed. And that's what I mean. I think the perception does a funny thing. You know what it's like if you have a bit of a following and people see you on social media, they conflate the two things. They imagine that you ran into your office, took a picture at your desk, and went about your day. It's like, no, I am working, like I'm actually working. I go in, I work a role, I have a job. And so it's interesting that people have become much more interested in me. But the reality of my life is it hasn't changed very much all but your profile, their profile has shifted, and that I'm very aware of it's purposeful. I think I'm trying to do it in a way where I can equate what I've got now with some impact, because I really know that there's so much that I can do, and I'm very very focused.

00:03:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, sometimes fame, because it's not fame you're really after, but it's fame comes with the profile that you now have. And I just wonder if it's I don't know, done anything to you, surprise you in any way challenging to manage.

00:03:32
Speaker 2: You know, for me, it's so interesting because all I get is amazing women. You know, I'm not like famous, famous, so no one's like checking for what I'm wearing. I live like a normal and normal life. What I get is women will stop me on the street. They will slide me little notes in restaurants. I got this beautiful note from this lady the other day, and I could have cried. I was interviewing someone at the time, so I couldn't read it.

00:03:55
Speaker 1: I put it in my bag.

00:03:56
Speaker 2: I got home and I was like you, she said, you know. She was like, Emma, you have to understand how much you mean to women like me, how much you mean to women who come from a place where they might not have had the right start, but they are working and they're trying, and it was so heartfelt, and she was so privileged. First of all, she didn't even put her name or contact detail on there. She just wanted me to know. And so I get a lot of that and that, of course I never used to get, you know, But at the end of the day, it's my life is still the same. My life is a series of problems every single day. You know, no one calls me to say everything's going right. You know we're selling out. They only call me with problems, and so it hasn't changed all that much.

00:04:34
Speaker 1: You have to know that this book is set up for a humongous success. I mean, do you see that already?

00:04:40
Speaker 3: Is that?

00:04:41
Speaker 2: I hope? So? Yes, I mean so far. Listen, I'm a day in so I don't want to come as too much.

00:04:47
Speaker 1: You have poured it so much in here that I really want to use this as like, I don't know, just the frame of our conversation. And then somewhere in the beginning you mentioned women being exhausted, exhausted right exhaust Somewhere in the beginning of it you said that, and I thought, yes, women are exhausted because it's it's it's career, it's emotional health, it's a family, it's mother parenting, it's all love.

00:05:16
Speaker 2: All relentless. It's relentless. We're getting so much phone at us all the time that I thought, I'm going to write a book that people use, not that they read, because we've got enough to do. And so it was really important to me that people would read this and then they would get something and they could put it into action in their lives.

00:05:32
Speaker 1: I love how honest you are in the book about some of the you know, anger and forgiveness and your way of navigating some real life things. So we'll go through that. But in this in the scheme of business and money, I've heard you many times.

00:05:49
Speaker 2: Talk about my favorite subject?

00:05:51
Speaker 1: Is it really? It is money?

00:05:53
Speaker 2: Yeah? I want it to be every woman's favorite subject. That's the time I'm working on that.

00:05:58
Speaker 1: It's this is a big mistake I've made in my life, right, It's like I feel like, yes, it's because I came from a family and and a mentality of you know, money isn't everything. Money can't shouldn't control you. Money is the root of all evil. You know, all they care about is money, you know, like really, And it's not that I don't enjoy some of that.

00:06:22
Speaker 2: Is like money doesn't solve all your problems, but it solves all your money problems. And I feel like we have to advocate for it for ourselves because no one's coming to find you, no one's coming to give you money or power or any of that. And I do feel like as women, we have to take a level of responsibility for the fact that we don't talk about money as to why it eludes us, Why does it miss us? Why are men paid so much more than women? Why is that the case that it's so much easier for men to raise money than it is for women. And we all know that there are systemic barriers, there are systems that keep us small. But at the end of the day, we also have a part to play in all of that, and I want us to recognize that and recognize that we can change our behavior and get more of it.

00:07:03
Speaker 1: What are we doing wrong? What's the number one thing we do wrong?

00:07:06
Speaker 2: We are not talking about it now, We're just not talking.

00:07:08
Speaker 1: How does that look? What does that look like?

00:07:10
Speaker 2: Tell you what it looks like? First of all, it's like education, right, I think about myself as always in learning mode. Every day I'm learning something. And I learned about money because much like you, I didn't come from a place where a we had any money, so there wasn't that much to talk about. It was always that what don't we have? Where are we going to spend what we don't have? How we keeping the lights on? That That's what I learned. But when I got into the professional environment, it was always like, you don't share with your colleagues what you earn. You don't talk about money. That's crass. And actually, what I think that we need to do is put money right in the center of our plans. We need to say I am worth this, this is what I should be being paid. And we need to educate ourselves. So you need to understand your mortgage, you need to understand your investment planning, you need to understand what's in your future. And if you don't know, you've got to get to know. You've got to make it your business because money and power then linked right, inextricably linked. And we're in a place and time in the world right now where we actually need more women in positions of power. But again it's not gonna happen with us. It's not gonna happen passively. It's our responsibility to say, you know what, I need more of this, and I'm going to advocate for myself, and I'm going to educate myself, and I'm gonna learn as much as I possibly can. And that's what I do all the time. I ask questions.

00:08:23
Speaker 1: Hey guys, today's show is brought to you by our presenting sponsor, hard Rock Bet Florida Sports Book. The biggest weekend in college basketball is almost here. The Round of four is set, and a national champion is just days away from cutting down the net. Now is the time to step your game up with daily dancing boosts on hard Rock Bet. You'll get a live profit boost and a party profit boost for the games, more ways to cash in with boosted odds. When the steaks are at their highest and those heart stopping zero on the clock moments that we've seen all tournament, they still pay on hard Rock Bet, and they're handing out twenty five dollars bonus bets. If your team that you bet on to win or cover hits a buzzer beater, you win extra big. That's because when the lights are bright, every shot matters even more. And if you haven't joined hard Rock Bet yet, now is the time to check in the game. New sign ups can double their winnings on their first ten bets max fifty dollars. That means if you would have won a hundred bucks on your bet, now you're gonna win two hundred bucks. That works out pretty good. So don't just sit on the bench. Download the hard Rock Bet app today and get the party started. How do you navigate? Because it's a little different when I think about what you do in business. But you're also a creative he little.

00:09:41
Speaker 2: I'm a creative business warm.

00:09:42
Speaker 1: You are a creative business owner for sure. No, And so I think sometimes where creative is concerned, like what comes first, the creative or the opportunity to make money? You know, I don't know. I just I just wonder how you navigate that. Or all money ain't all money, ain't good money. It's all money good money.

00:10:02
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know most money's good money. I don't know about you. He's a big money I think most money is good money. Here's a being. I think that it's really important that you're not sacrificing yourself for money, right. I still think at the end of the day, I'm still Emma from East London. I'm exactly the same person that I was when I was twelve years old. Yeah, there's not our integrity like bending or no, because I don't think that you have to. I actually think that you can care about money and care about a lot of other things too. You can do deeply meaningful, impactful work, creative work and be paid for it. And what we've done is we've said, like, I'm a creative I'm a nonprofit I do something so worthy therefore, and I'm like, absolutely not the two things can exist at the same time. And too often we're giving away our gifts for free before we've even valued ourselves, before we've even valued the service. I'm like, there is never a time when it makes sense to give something for free without a plan. I worked for like a full year for free, like doing workplacements back in the day when you could do that. But it was always with a plan and a goal for what I wanted. On the other side, it was always with an aim that I'm going to get a job at one of these places that's going to be my entry point into fashion. So you have to have a plan if you're giving away your services for free, and you have to have a plan as to how you're going to get to the money. That's important. That's important stuff.

00:11:25
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think there's also you know, if you're a business person, there's great stuff in here, but also just life. There's just great life lessons in here. Like you talk about planning your life in your twenties and your thirties and then your forties you had a plan, like what is my forties going to be?

00:11:42
Speaker 2: Solarly?

00:11:42
Speaker 1: I love this because we just had Jill Scott on the other I love Joe. I died so Jill was on. We had a great episode with Jill and she has a theory about twenties, thirties, forties. It was Jill said, when you're in your twenties you work hard.

00:11:55
Speaker 2: Facts.

00:11:56
Speaker 1: In your thirties you work smart. In your forties, work how you want. In your fifties you work when you want, and in your sixties you work if you want.

00:12:09
Speaker 2: Love. Jill's got it down right, and she has got it so down it's so good to me. Like that is so good because that thing about like how you work in your twenties, right, it's like there's a time and a place, And I think what people don't really understand is that life is so long. Like even the idea that she's taken us from twenties to seventies, right, it's that there's fifty years in between that. But we really sort of overestimate what you can do in a year and underestimate what you can do in ten. So I like to make these plans for myself because it helps kind of ground me in my decision making. I know what to say no to because I know if it's not taking me closer to one of my goals, I don't need to do it, but I like to. And I set the book up in the beginning I say, have a vision for your life. That's not a vision board, and it's not manifestation. So explained though that clearly ambition needs to find you working. You cannot think your way or consume your way. I love a podcast. I have a podcast, but it's like you can't listen to podcasts and think that that's going to get you closer to where you want to go. You want to do the work right. It's that we have to and.

00:13:13
Speaker 1: Even the best seventy five self help.

00:13:15
Speaker 2: Book doesn't matter. That's not going to help you. You have to help yourself. And so I think when you have a vision for like what type of person do I want to be? What type of woman do I want to be? What type of care and what are my values? What are my principles, and then you work out what you want your life to be like based on that, you say, like, these are the things that are important to me. My family is really important to me. So I'm going to make sure that I've ring fenced these moments in the year to do these things because I want those memories. I'm going to prioritize X, Y and Z in my work life because it's important that I make this money and that won't happen unless I get to there. So I think the plan is really about mapping things out and then having a path and where you're going to work towards it. It's not a vision border.

00:13:59
Speaker 1: It's also helpful full two so that you don't waste your time doing things that don't serve you.

00:14:03
Speaker 2: Right, Like, that's part of that Who had years like that? Who had years where we get lost and we get taken on someone else's agenda and that's what I don't want.

00:14:12
Speaker 1: You said. You were talking here about how women, especially we care so much about other people's things, Like it's somebody underpaid, is somebody working too hard, it's somebody like you for your kids, worry about everyone else but yourself last on your list.

00:14:29
Speaker 2: And I actually want to make sure that we are like right at the top of our list of priorities. As a mother of four, I think people get very put off by that idea of me saying, you know, I put myself first. I start with myself. But when I'm good everyone, they.

00:14:43
Speaker 1: Can't wait to you like all the things Miranda, Miranda, they can't wait to do that to a successful women.

00:14:53
Speaker 2: With me time. We're held to very different standards than successful men, right because we have to be you know, nurturing and empathetic and a baller and look good and an incredible worfe And it's like that's impossible. That's why I wrote this book.

00:15:08
Speaker 1: That's why women are exhausted.

00:15:09
Speaker 2: That's why we're exhausted that I want to say, like there's a trade off, there is a way to do this, you know. I feel like Oprah said it best. She said, you can have it all but not all at the same time, which is really true. But I want women to choose. I don't want us to be kind of taken on a journey. And I think that this book is going to teach people how you get the choice.

00:15:29
Speaker 1: But also you've you've chosen well in a partner.

00:15:34
Speaker 2: Oh god damn, yes, who's helped you?

00:15:38
Speaker 1: You talk about like the importance of you don't want a business partner that's that you don't share responsibilities with equally, and you don't want a marriage also where your partner is not sharing.

00:15:49
Speaker 2: I think who you choose to spend your life with your private life is probably the most important business decision you'd ever make, because they're either going to add to you or they're going to really take away. And if you don't have someone who's in support of the greater vision of you and yourself, like you are in trouble. Like you're in so much trouble.

00:16:08
Speaker 1: Did you know that going into marriage?

00:16:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what? I knew that. I mean, my husband's Swedish, right, Like Swedish society is very interesting. It's very matriarchal society, so there's this kind of balance from the get go. But I also never assumed that I would be the lead parent and have to teach him stuff. You know, it's like I'm going to teach him how to change a diaper and make a sandwich. Like no, like he's going to figure that stuff out. But I'm also I'm not going to micro manage my husband. I don't think that's my job. And you know, I really believe that I have a life and he has a life, and we have this incredible life together. But I wasn't going to sacrifice the things that I wanted, and I was lucky that I had a husband who was who is unbelievably supportive.

00:16:50
Speaker 1: I just think for women who are looking for that partner, if you have to be conscious of that as you're looking for the partner, Like did you stumble into that and then maybe at tracked, Oh you attracted that.

00:17:01
Speaker 2: I think I attract that because that's the only type of partner I've ever had, Like, I don't I think that you know in that in that early process, like you know, people show you, they tell you who they are, they tell you how they're going to be, you see how they move.

00:17:16
Speaker 1: I never went through like a young There was never a young and like a young bad decisions.

00:17:23
Speaker 2: A night maybe, but no longer. No longer I made stupid decisions like in a moment, and I realized in the morning that that was not for me. I was like, oh you know, I yeah.

00:17:36
Speaker 1: Like I would never like it's a bad boys or anything.

00:17:39
Speaker 2: Not a chance. You know, I don't have the disposition for it. You let me down, I am out. I'm gone. I just do you know what I mean? I have such a and it isn't even about like high self worth. It's just like low tolerance. Yeah, Like I have zero tolerance for someone who's going to mess me around, like miss the phone call. I'm like bye, Like no, do you know what I mean? Because I never believe that like, oh they get better, like things are going to change. I'm like, they don't. It won't move on. And also they were like so many boys when I was little, you know, you're out here, oh here saying out. I was like fashionable, Just move on and try something else.

00:18:16
Speaker 1: You never went to let me fix somebody or any of that type of thing. No, really good.

00:18:20
Speaker 2: But there's not to say I didn't have like some not so great boyfriends that were like, you know, messing around and doing whatever. That they were doing, but like not with me knowing and not with me tolerating anything. Do you know what I mean. It's like, there's just.

00:18:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it wasn't so much that you were looking for this type of partner. It's that your behavior warranted and you found somebody because you were moving around that way.

00:18:42
Speaker 2: It was like, so, and I think I have really high standards, not just that with everyone around me, right, it's like my entire team. I have high standards. But also I give a lot, and I think when you're a person who gives a lot and has high expectations, like that comes back to you. And so as soon as I get a ignore, it's like anything. Right, If I get a signaled that something's off that I'm not getting equal back, it's like I'm gone to get bye, I'm gone. It's that's the East London in me though, you know. That's like where I come from. You don't suffer fools Like you are expected to tell the truth, to do what you say you're going to do, to be true to your word, and suffer the consequences if you don't. So it's like I don't have time for foolish Yeah.

00:19:23
Speaker 1: Plus a woman on a mission.

00:19:24
Speaker 2: I want a mission at a time, like literally, but you know that literally, like I don't have the energy, like I would lose my I would lose it. Yeah, lose it.

00:19:33
Speaker 1: There's there's a I don't even need my cards because were it goes naturally?

00:19:36
Speaker 2: And what were you just talking about being angry?

00:19:40
Speaker 1: I know where you're going. No, No, it wasn't about the anger anger issues. But after you talked about that, I love that you identified your own anger issues and then went and then got help for your anger issues. Nobody like, nothing terrible happened, nobody had to intervene. When I first heard that you had you went to anger therapy management, I was like, oh god, something, she must have been arrested or something. No, she had an incident on the train and she was like, oh God, I'm so angry. And then went and fixed it yourself. You identified the problem within yourself, yes, and went and worked on it.

00:20:12
Speaker 2: Because I knew that that wasn't matching up to the life that I wanted. I wouldn't be able to take me and my little angry, crazy girl self and do the things that I wanted to do. And that was so clear to me. I was like, this is not going to roll, it's not going to work in a workplace.

00:20:25
Speaker 1: So you worked on that, you got a hold of that, managed that.

00:20:28
Speaker 2: And I still work on that every day, really yes, and I still sometimes lose it because I can go eyes with people and they're just like, you know, I, it's something that you have to work on every single day, like like in the same way that I work on being really sad.

00:20:43
Speaker 1: Well, what is that? What is that? What does that?

00:20:46
Speaker 2: I think that is like I'm hardwired like that. I am not, you know, I think it's so much a factor of my upbringing. You know, I wasn't taught to be thoughtful. We certainly weren't. I wasn't ever taught that you could like take a breath and move past something. I was always taught that if something happened to you because someone was disrespecting someone was like that, you were going to look after yourself and you were going to lash out. And that just becomes like a pattern, like a loop in your system, and it wires and wires and it gets more and more attuned unless you deal with it. And so I think that that is very much who I am, and I have to work all the time and make sure that I keep keep myself like my head up by boarder, keep practicing, keep training.

00:21:31
Speaker 1: I wondered if it was part or if sometimes it could be triggered by because I know a lot of amazing, super high functioning women, right, and there is an impatience. Like the women that I know that I like run big companies and stuff, they're all kind of impatient.

00:21:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm definitely impatient, like and so I can.

00:21:51
Speaker 1: See that the triggering anger and almost anger.

00:21:56
Speaker 2: Here's my thing. I've worked every single one of the jobs, right, so it's like I have an understanding for what it takes to pack the boxes, to do the assistant job, to work your way up the ranks, to be a like, you know, mid level executive. I did all the things, and so you like, you know, can you do you swear on this shark?

00:22:14
Speaker 1: Yes? Please?

00:22:15
Speaker 2: You know we always started on yet today what I but it's like, you know, in England they say you can't fuck a fucker, Like I am a person understands. So if you come to me with an excuse, if you come to me telling me it's going to take three hours, and I can do it in forty five minutes, I'm like, I have been there, I did that thing, So then I have an impatience, but I'm not going to get angry about that. I feel like the things that I get angry about are when I feel like people don't care, because I care the most. I care about everything. I care about the glass, the tablecloth, the thing that like I'm you know, it's like that. That's how I come into what I do. And so if you show a lack of care, anger, right, I'm gonna take a deep breath so you won't work with me for very.

00:23:01
Speaker 1: I understand too deeply what you're saying, and I have actually worked on that, right, Britt, I'm better now. I used to be very It's also you expect people. Beyonce talked about this once. I think it was her special like she does. Would do the rehearsals and she wouldn't eat, she wouldn't sleep, she wouldn't drink, and then she realized, oh, other people need to sleep and eat. And it's and you expect people to operate how you operate, and if you let it frustrate you because they don't, how can you really be a good leader because you can't. You can't You can't.

00:23:32
Speaker 2: Also, they don't have the same thing to gain as you. Like, You've got to get real, Like I'm out here doing what I do. Everybody around me is not got the same circumstance and they don't have the same upside. So also I'm realistic. Yeah, you know, if I'm paying you two hunder ground, I expect two hundred ground of you, not a million dollars like we're talking about.

00:23:50
Speaker 1: So really, you don't have.

00:23:52
Speaker 2: The same to gain as I do. Yeah.

00:23:54
Speaker 1: Oh so, but the anger thing, it wasn't so much about the anger management. It was you said that you still working on forgiveness.

00:24:03
Speaker 2: Oh, yes, I'm not a good forgiver. Yeah I'm not. Because you know, it's so funny. I did the Hoffmann process. You know what that is. Oh, it's like such an l a thing, but it is. It's an incredible process, like like a you know, nine day intensive therapy process where you learn all your patterns and you undo your childhood trauma and all that.

00:24:22
Speaker 1: This sounds very expensive.

00:24:24
Speaker 2: It's expensive, and it's expensive on your like it it's socially odd like it's like it's such a it's such a like a deep deep dig and I just you know. It was one of those things where you're kind of expected to come out forgiving everything that's kind of happened to you. And I got to the nine days and everybody's like yeah, and I was like no, but still no, still no. But that's like you know again about I'm boundary, right, It's like I can understand, you know, if somebody slights me, it's not actually always about and I think as far as it comes to like childhood trauma, it's like I can understand it. It doesn't always mean that you need to forgive.

00:25:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, but the way you talk about that here is you're more likely to instead of forgive somebody. Oh my god, do you know J Scott, because I feel like there's so many similar things you should know.

00:25:21
Speaker 2: You should introduce me. I would die because.

00:25:24
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of our interview with her because even in that, even how you explained, we have a clip of her going saying, I'm much more likely to forget you than forgive you. And you talk about that here. You say, you know it's not worth your time, it's like or your patient. So you rather just I'm not gonna forgive you. You just cut you out of the fabric of my life.

00:25:44
Speaker 2: I always think about this idea of like who like you operate on like these orbits, And I have people that are in my inner orbit, and I have people that are outer and more out, And it's like, you don't have to like, you know, be out of my life, but you just might not be one of my like inner circle people. Right, So I'm operating on a system that says, like you just might have to like be a couple out, a couple of steps removed. I don't need to cut people, although I have done that in the past, But to me, it's like it's just like there's an inner circle. They're an expectation and I'm not gonna my value.

00:26:17
Speaker 1: When do you care enough to work on like that forgiveness or.

00:26:24
Speaker 4: With my husband, you know, that's that's yeah, he's the only one trying to think everybody else, you know, God bless, God bless.

00:26:38
Speaker 2: That's really.

00:26:41
Speaker 1: Sorry. Hey listen, Oh, so you do transcendental meditation too.

00:26:47
Speaker 2: It's my that's one of the biggest tools that I have.

00:26:50
Speaker 1: How long have you been doing this?

00:26:52
Speaker 2: So I think I did a course. That's a great question. I want to say, like maybe.

00:26:56
Speaker 1: Three years, okay, and it's one of religion.

00:27:00
Speaker 2: So I don't so I don't do You're supposed to do twenty minutes a day twice a day, that never ever happens. But I do do it. I would say I do twenty minutes a day in the morning, three or four times a week. And it is a game changer because I always thought of meditation as something that turns the noise down. Really I actually think it gives you energy, gives you space and clarity, and so for me, it was one of those things that I was like, wow, this is this is an insane tool that I never envisaged I would ever use, but it really really works as something to create some opportunity to slow things down and call the play like that's what I like to do.

00:27:38
Speaker 1: Tried this. How did you find specific meditation too where you have to say.

00:27:41
Speaker 2: The word you have a mantra.

00:27:43
Speaker 1: I was doing it for a little while, like a couple of months, and I did notice a difference, and I just fell off the regimen of the day. I need to get back on it. And I only got to ten minutes.

00:27:50
Speaker 2: Okay, but that's good.

00:27:52
Speaker 1: They never get past ten when we've got like you, like they say say, twenty times is when you feel the real effects.

00:27:57
Speaker 2: The game changer in the twenty is a game change. You just got to find your perfect time. And also, I think this again, it's like, yeah, it'd be great if you had like forty minutes every day to do it. I think you just find that twenty and for someone might be interested, for someone who might be interested, you get a word of mind. Yeah, yep, you say the word over and over again and you're meditating on the word, on the word and what does it do for you?

00:28:22
Speaker 1: How does it?

00:28:23
Speaker 2: What does it do it? Literally like imagine it takes like the temperature down. There's only two things that do this for me, Like when you you're you know, because I'm in a constant conversation with myself, Like I'm thinking about what is happening over there, what's happening next, what we've got tomorrow, what the kids need, what my husband just spoke to me about what I'm doing in one company. It's like like my brain is like this all the time. It literally is like it's almost like everything just comes down to this like very quiet place and you end up having space and in the space comes something like literally like it's almost like a little gift, Like something will come in and you're like, oh, I did not see that, and it becomes clearer, you figure out what you need to do. I come out with so much energy, like so much clarity. It's crazy. It's so it really is to me, Like you know when people say it's a game changer, it's like, no, it changed your game, it will change the way that you move. You're going back.

00:29:26
Speaker 1: I'm going back in Brittany gout to five minutes, right, you go to five I tried together, and I was like, if it's really I'm feeling a difference. I just didn't get I didn't get to I didn't go up again. And it's hard.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: It's hard to sign new things. Like so much of what I talk about this in this book is like it's really difficult to untrain your ways, especially when you get to a certain age. It's hard to stop telling yourself the stories. But you have to make sure that what's happening in your own head is not like bad for you, right, that your biggest enemy isn't living in your own mind. And so I really tried to make the things that I do like I have a big positive impact on me, and that transcendental is one of those things.

00:30:09
Speaker 1: What is the what is something that you've had to unlearn recently about yourself?

00:30:14
Speaker 2: I think honestly that I wasn't going to be capable of writing. You know, I'm dyslexic, highly highly dyslexic. And so I fixed my work and my life around almost never writing anything down, you know, like never, I speak every email on my phone, I speak every text in I never. You know, when when in your adult life do you write like in that type of way? And so I thought a book would be impossible for me. The other thing is like I wrote the book totally back to front. I started with all the things that were easy to me, building a business, making a career of your dreams, and the leadership money bomb Bomb wrote it like Cho Choun spoke it all into the phone. And then I was like, well, why can I do that stuff? And then I got to the managing emotions. Then I got to the vision part. But it was very very hard for me to organize my thoughts. And once I had it together, there was this sense of achievement like I was like wow, But that took a lot of doing because I was constantly telling myself, telling my agent, telling everyone around me. I was like, I'll never do a book. I'll never do that. I can't I literally can't do that. That's not for me.

00:31:19
Speaker 1: Turned out, I'm so surprised that you would say that those kind of things to yourself.

00:31:24
Speaker 2: Because you know, when you're a person of you know better, Emma, you know I should know better. But when you're a person of certainty, like you're certain about a lot of things, you're certain about what you can do, you're so certain about what you can't do, and I'm like, that's not for me. Like, you know, I can look at an outfit and be like, that's not for me, that my body doesn't worked that way, I can't wear that. And I'm like, oh, that's kind of cute.

00:31:43
Speaker 1: I wore that. We have a voice note? Should we go a voice No? Now, Hey guys, you ever signed up for a phone plan thinking Wow, what a great price, and then a few months later it's like, surprise, your bill is higher. We hate that. With Bull's Mobile, you paid twenty five dollars a month forever unlimited talk, text and data starting at just twenty five dollars a month. There's no price hikes. There's no contract, and this is forever. Plus. Boost Mobile is now a legit nationwide five G network. They invested billions building five G towers across the country. So what you need to do is visit boostmobile dot com or head to your local Boots store today and get unlimited talk, text and data for twenty five dollars a month forever. Five G speeds is not available in all areas. After thirty gigabytes, customers may experience lower speeds. Customers will pay twenty five dollars a month as long as they remain active on the Boost Unlimited plan. All right, we have a segment. It is called it's a Voicenowe segment. So this is a fan or listener of the pod news. You're going to be here. How's a question our comments? I'm gonna play that. Hi. My name is Tanisha.

00:32:46
Speaker 3: I'm thirty and I have been having a hard time getting credit for the ideas that are actually present. How do I get compensated for something like that? Because I obviously I have left the organization. I didn't get any conversation or credit for that idea, but it is an idea that has sustained that program moving forward, So how do you navigate situations like that to avoid.

00:33:06
Speaker 1: Being put in that position? I used to stuff from this, I will hold everything in because I'd be freedobody who's going to rob me?

00:33:13
Speaker 2: Wow? See it terrible. I don't know about that kind of I mean to me, that signal scarcity mindset. But if we talk about like what Tarnisha is actually saying, she's obviously in an environment where her ideas can be taken because she is being paid to give ideas to do whatever job she's doing. And then she's in an environment where those ideas can be taken and used. But it's not she's not working for herself. She's working for an employer. That means she is being paid and compensated for our ideas. You don't get to get the full value. And I do honestly think that sometimes employees can overestimate their contribution. If you're in a place where you're being paid to do a job, you have to do that job. That job might be giving some of your ideas. Now, if you are doing something that is beyond the expectation of your remit and you're going above and beyond, you need to go and have a conversation about your additional contribution. But I think that it's kind of naive to think that you know you're going to be contributed, you're going to be compensated beyond what you're being paid when you're just giving your idea, Like, do you know what I mean? It's there's there's so much more to business. It's like, there's so much more that goes into things, and I think sometimes we can have a little bit of a naivety about our contribution.

00:34:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, also because I can't let one hundred people have the same idea, and not everybody can get it across the finish line. So an idea is really just an idea.

00:34:36
Speaker 2: Well it's just an idea because it takes a lot of people to execute it, a lot of people to create the things. But again, if this is somebody that feels chronically undervalued, and I've been in that same situation, I've been in a place where I thought I was delivering value and I talk about it in the book, to a company they were making a lot of money and I didn't feel like I was making enough. But the company were like, Emma, we pay you for this job. You are paid and we make a lot of money out of it. I was like, Okay, I'll take my services elsewhere and that was the beginning of my first business. But they weren't wrong. I wasn't wrong either. But sometimes we have to know that there's nuance in the situation. You just might have to take your gifts and your services elsewhere to realize the full potential of what you're doing.

00:35:20
Speaker 1: But you're probably going to be realistic with yourself. Is that like one one kind of flop idea, one kind of limp, you know what I mean? Or do you have many ideas that could expend any business?

00:35:31
Speaker 4: Do you do?

00:35:32
Speaker 2: You have so many ideas that you could pay yourself what you're being paid currently and if you don't like again, it's never that black and white. In the book, I talk so much about negotiation, right. Negotiation isn't one side winning or losing. You've got to find something mutually advantageous to go and have a conversation, talk about and understand, but go with specificity. You know this would be the conversation. To me, I'd be like, let's roll, So you guys are paying me sixty five thousand dollars and I came up with X idea that netted the business X. You're going to know those exes. You're going to have those numbers.

00:36:08
Speaker 1: I mean, don't come.

00:36:09
Speaker 2: Emotion nearly will it. Don't be sad, don't be angry, don't be silly. It's like, come in factually right and paid this. I delivered this. The contribution was this. Once you've got that, you say, you know what, I would really imagine that my contribution in this company is worth eighty five thousand. Oh we're not ready to pay you that. Okay, what do I need to do to get from here to here? You show me how can you value me and my ideas? Because if you're unable to do that, then I would need to move on because I can't see how I would be contributing above this. It's a conversation. You don't need to be stupid about it. You can joke for yourself because, let me tell you, half the time, the people that are in charge don't fully understand your contribution. They may not know where the idea comes from. They also might be coming from a place that they see it differently. And that feedback is important for you to have. It's important for you to understand and well, actually you think we made X, but the costs associated with this there were five other departments involved. Then you can be like, oh, I got it, okay, so actually this is what it was and this is what I need to do in the future. But still, how do I get to this? And so I think that you can have a really nuanced negotiation. You've got to teach yourself to have those conversations. It also teaches resilience because when and if you get a knock back, that's not walking out with nothing, that's information that is like what you need to come back and do things in a different way. So I just think like when you're when you have ambition, when you want more, which is exactly what she's saying, is that I want more, I want more credit, I want more money, I want to be recognized. It's like, go and ask for it. You can write into Angie, that's cool, but like, make sure you've had a conversation with your boss and the conversation isn't just happening in your head. You're not just talking to your co workers that they can't do shit. You need to go to the people that can actually help change and in a nuanced way express exactly what you need and what your expectations are you might get it.

00:38:03
Speaker 1: Are you ever you said in here that if if you never hear the word no, you're not pushing enough. Right, absolutely, it's ever like because sometimes I'll be in I'm always like, I'm like too fair. So I'm like, okay, they want me to do that for them, I do it for this much. This is me talking to them this I would say.

00:38:23
Speaker 2: Less than your wife, less than you think you will.

00:38:26
Speaker 1: Probably sometimes yes, yes, yes, okay, what is that? That's terrible? I'm getting better at it. Okay, I'm getting better at it.

00:38:34
Speaker 2: What's the reason though? Why are you doing that? Like doing a favor? Are you scared or what is it?

00:38:38
Speaker 1: I'm like chronically obsessed with being fair like way to her, yes right, fair to everybody else? What I think the value might be to them? Or kind of taking all of their things into consideration instead of putting my thing at the center of the start with your stuff, starting with it's so good, it's so good. I say to you, have you never do you? Never?

00:39:05
Speaker 2: Have?

00:39:05
Speaker 1: Do you ever say? Okay, our businesses as valued at one hundred million, but I'm going to go ask for one hundred and fifty million, whatever the thing is, whatever, then I'm just making a number up of something I do. Do you ever feel like what that was? Big? I went big, oh, and feel like almost crazy about it all the time.

00:39:24
Speaker 2: But that is something that comes like again with experience and a willingness to walk away from the thing, because when we make deals, right, when we decide like I'm going to give it over here again, it's kind of a signal that we don't think there's something better on the other side, or that like what you're willing to undervalue yourself, Like for what reason? I always imagine that if somebody is offering me something, the chances are someone else will offer the same thing. So it's not that I don't ever do that, it's just that experiences taught me to know better, Like if somebody is willing to give you some I'm being someone else will give it to you. In that same way, when I was like so young that my boss wouldn't take me from what I was on twenty five thousand pounds, I think I asked for thirty thousand, I was like, someone else will pay me twenty five Are we better be over there? Because I can manage the trajectory. So I think that again, these things are chronic because this is just an old thought that lives in your head. You are undervaluing your services. You come from a place because you're sitting here maybe with a scarcity mindset that says, you know, if I get X, somebody else gets less. It's like, why it's not it's zero some game, right, That's not how guys would everythink doesn't make it mean because like you know, someone gets something over here that somebody else suffers. And I don't think to the contrary, I don't think it's about overvaluing yourself. I don't think that you should be like it's a million dollars. You have to educate yourself. You have to know the space. You have to find a place that actually makes sense. But the idea of like undervalue in my services.

00:41:02
Speaker 1: You want to do? You want to throw up right now?

00:41:04
Speaker 2: Want to I want to die? I want to get angry.

00:41:08
Speaker 1: We're working on your anger. You've come so far.

00:41:12
Speaker 2: I took a deep breath when you said it.

00:41:14
Speaker 1: I was like, I know, I know, Angie, I have gotten way better. But I was me young, I felt you know. I started doing radio I was eighteen nineteen. I was grateful to be there. I was like this, you know, and so I just was happy to have the opportunity.

00:41:29
Speaker 2: But like you, I wasn't.

00:41:30
Speaker 3: You know.

00:41:31
Speaker 1: It took me a long time.

00:41:33
Speaker 2: Now you're Angie, right, and we all have that journey. And if you stay with the stories like this, like that stuff will just keep you small. Like I think that you have to like again, it's like replacing the thought. It's like you've got all of this stuff that you've been doing for so long. You have this body of work, you have these ways that you behave the ways that you do business, but it will nothing changes unless it changes. But you have to do that. Like when I say start with yourself, I really mean to go back inside yourself and go what is it that actually makes me undervalue myself? What is it that makes me do that smaller number than I know I'm worth? Kindness that you don't want to be seen as a bit, You don't want to be seen as someone who's taken advantage. You don't ask me the question.

00:42:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, probably me wanting to, like I said, be fair, not take advantage of people. I don't know, Yeah, maybe wanting to be And it's.

00:42:33
Speaker 2: So interesting because in you being fair and not wanting to take advantage, you're allowing somebody else to be unfair and take advantage. So what makes them better than you?

00:42:43
Speaker 1: No, it's no, no, no, we have we're we're on the other side of this. Okay, we're we're already on the side. I know it's so interesting, right that, this big age that it would take me to long, but.

00:42:53
Speaker 2: I talk through it because I think for anybody listening to this, it's it's it's chronic, it's patterned, it's in rained. It's not stuff that you do knowingly and flippantly. Because I reckon anyone who listens to this podcast is that I'll undervalue myself. I know what I'm worth. I make my money. It's like, ah, but do you? They do you every time because sometimes we do things unconsciously. And that's why I wrote this book in the way that I did, because when you understand what you're doing, when you understand what's running through your thoughts and the reasons and the ways you make decisions, then you can push against it. But it's not until it's raised to your attention that you understand some of this stuff, because some of it is like, it's not even you, it's the culture. Women are undervalued. Right, it's somebody else with the same resume and the same you know, set of circumstances. We put them side by side, and we see this with Ai. Right, you upload the two same resumes and John gets paid more than Sally, Like, what the fuck? Like, what is happening? But it's true. And so I think that there's plenty of things in society that are already in trench that WI already make us like small and not progress. You can't be one of those things for yourself.

00:44:07
Speaker 1: It's not with your sound.

00:44:09
Speaker 2: It's so good, it's so good.

00:44:12
Speaker 1: Hey, guys. Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference. Well, you are not alone, and this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over fifty years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the w with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want, and you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment. This is it. Head to waldenu dot edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change, certified to operate by shiv. Okay, in real life, let's do some in real life questions. In real life? What is one thing you are no longer apologizing for.

00:44:57
Speaker 2: The type of parent I am?

00:45:00
Speaker 1: Hmmm? Facts? Did they get you a little bit though?

00:45:04
Speaker 2: Did they start making you feel no? No, I expected it. I anticipated okay. I'm very used to the differences in the way mums are treated versus dad's, the way women are treated versus men. Yeah. I did it purposefully because I want to give permission, permission for other women to just be honest and true.

00:45:20
Speaker 1: Far I'm like, fuck them, Okay, Emma. If God were to text you right now, what would it say?

00:45:31
Speaker 2: Are you religious? Are you a spiritual I'm a very spiritual person, not particularly religious. If God was to text me, you know. My favorite thing to be told, ever, is when people say to you God, bless Every taxi driver in the whole of England says that to you all the time, but when someone says it to me, I actually feel like blessed, Like I'm blessed for the day. Just that simple God bless So God would say to you, God would say to me, God bless God, blesses you, like for real, the real anointed, like it's coming from Him in real life. It's because I imagine that every day, like I feel like it's the best thing to be told. Like you know, it's like you are blessed, you are you know, what do you say? Like in America they say you're blessed and highly favored. I've always loved it when I heard that because I was I never heard that before in my life in England, but I feel like that so much. You're blessed and highly favored. It's like a beautiful thing. It is pretty great, it's amazing. And again I've never ever heard that. That was like black women would say that to me, like it's pretty I just fought it was incredible.

00:46:37
Speaker 1: Blessed and highly favored.

00:46:38
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, is it beautiful when you like think when you break down the words now we say it's so like flippantly, but it's like blessed and highly favored. That's insane.

00:46:48
Speaker 1: Well, thank you for today, thank you, and thank you for this beautiful book and God bless.

00:46:54
Speaker 2: Today.

00:46:56
Speaker 1: I'm going to go and spend more time with this book, because clearly I need to start with myself. You're doing it all right, Thanks everyone, start with yourself, Emmigreen.

00:47:05
Speaker 2: And so so so much.

00:47:13
Speaker 1: Hey guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Edge. Martinez I R Podcast