Purging Season

00:00:09
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie.

00:00:12
Speaker 2: I am Christa Reine Hazlitt, and I'm so excited to be with you guys today. I'm welcoming you into my home to sit right on my couch and guys, can I say that I just love you guys, the amount of love and support that you guys have shown me. I was really scared to release this podcast. I didn't know if my voice mattered, if you guys even wanted to listen, But you guys have shown me that you do care and that we are more alike than we are different.

00:00:37
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to say thank you.

00:00:39
Speaker 2: Today we are talking about purging season, which is where I feel like I am.

00:00:45
Speaker 1: In my life right now.

00:00:48
Speaker 2: I thought about it, you know, I just saw that God is really moving a lot of things. And when people hear purging, they think of and eat in disorder, or they think of the movie The Purge.

00:00:59
Speaker 1: This is not that.

00:01:00
Speaker 2: This is when I looked up the actual definition, it means to rid clear or free, and it also means to become cleansed or purified. And I feel like that's exactly what God is doing in my life right now, and when I started to ascend, us started to see a lot of things and it's becoming very clear.

00:01:21
Speaker 1: So when I think of purging season.

00:01:24
Speaker 2: I was getting my hair done today by Destiny, Styles by Destiny, and we were listening to Pandora and the song when I Pray by Doe started playing, which is one of my favorite songs.

00:01:35
Speaker 1: I have warned it out.

00:01:36
Speaker 2: I absolutely loved that song, but it spoke to me in a different way and I was like, oh my goodness, that's the song for this episode. And the lyrics say carrying all the world on my shoulders, and it's gotten too heavy for me.

00:01:51
Speaker 1: You know, I ain't know hercules.

00:01:53
Speaker 2: Life moves on, stuff breaks off, people fall off. Got to find a way to get over, got to find a way to get through, breakthrough. Hear you, Struggles they last, but as time pass, it's been one thing after the other.

00:02:10
Speaker 1: Oh.

00:02:11
Speaker 2: I don't always know the right way. No, I don't always know what to say. But all I know is something happens when I pray. Shout out to my beautiful sister Melissa Williams for putting me on that song. I think it was two summers ago or maybe last year sometime, but I absolutely love that song and it's gotten me through. But it resonated differently when I was thinking about what I was going to talk about today, and I said, Wow, that's really how I feel right now.

00:02:40
Speaker 1: You know, the Way of the World is super heavy and.

00:02:43
Speaker 2: It's a very you know, a very lonely season. But I feel like God is really really providing clarity in this season. And I know you got to see me smiling, but just know that everybody's going through something. You know, we smile through, we push through it, we work through it, we travel through it, and we do all these things to try to mask what we're going through or just to try to get through the best we can. And that's what I'm doing right now. I am navigating this season the best that I can, and I know that it's drawing me closer to God.

00:03:15
Speaker 1: It's bringing me closer to my healing journey.

00:03:18
Speaker 2: I know I'm getting over a lot of different things. But when I thought about it, I recently lost a very close friend of mine and not lost to death, but lost a friend. And this is someone that I thought would be in my life forever be by my side. We've been through so much together as we were both grinding and trying to figure life out, you know, And as I continue to ascend, I brought this person on to different projects, and for certain reasons, they didn't work out. But we do what we can, you know, we feel like that's what we're supposed to do. When you are, you have opportunities. If you can bring your friends on, you do that, and you try to put them on. And I continue to sin, and this person wasn't ascending, I guess to the speed or even to the level that I was. Where they thought we should be moving at the same pace. But God's pace in our pace is not always the same. And I started to realize as I was looking like, dang, this person isn't supporting me. This person isn't happy for me. And it wasn't even just happy for my success. It was happy when I if they weren't in a relationship, and I was, they couldn't be happy for me finding love if I had the new project going on. I wasn't sure if I could really call that person because I didn't know how they were going to react, if they were going to be happy for me. And for a while, you kind of like brush it aside because you're like, oh, that's just you know what I'm saying. Maybe they're going through something, and you try to be you try to show empathy for what they're going through. And even sometimes I wouldn't tell them what I was going through because I didn't want I wanted to be another reminder that I was still climbing and they were still in a stagnant space. But it was, I want to say, twenty twenty, around twenty twenty, and this is a friendship that I've had for over ten years, it's about twenty twenty when it really came to a head and I was like, WHOA, you're not happy for me, And that's a very jealousy and envy and not being happy for people because you're in a certain space is not a good thing.

00:05:40
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer that.

00:05:43
Speaker 2: When God looks at us in our different seasons, he watches how you clap for others.

00:05:50
Speaker 1: I'm a firm believer of that, and.

00:05:52
Speaker 2: The way you cheer other people on even when it's your down season, it's gonna show God that, hey, like, I know you're gonna.

00:05:59
Speaker 1: Do it for me.

00:06:00
Speaker 2: And I always would say, like, if you're this close to me and you see all that God has done for me, why.

00:06:06
Speaker 1: Do you think he won't do it for you? You know?

00:06:09
Speaker 2: Why are you not inspired to get up and get it yourself? Or worried about all the other people that I'm connected to that are getting put on because of the blessing that I have.

00:06:18
Speaker 1: You got to do the work, you know.

00:06:20
Speaker 2: And We've had so many conversations about how I felt, and she had to heart check herself and was like, you know what, I am hurt people hurt people or hurt people don't. I'm in a place of season of my life where I'm depressed and I'm not happy for myself, so I can't be happy for you.

00:06:38
Speaker 1: She just didn't have the space for that.

00:06:40
Speaker 2: But as I continue to sin, I realize this is no longer serving me if I can't come to you as a friend and let you know, oh my goodness, this is what happened. Are you really my friend if I can't call you and tell you my closest secrets? Are you really my friend if I can't call and say, hey, I just met this amazing guy and I can't call you because you're not in a relationship, so you're not necessary to be happy for me?

00:07:05
Speaker 1: Are you my friend?

00:07:06
Speaker 2: So all these things started happening and I was like, you know what, this is not a good space that I want to be and I don't feel good about this friendship anymore.

00:07:15
Speaker 1: And I just decided that it no longer served me.

00:07:19
Speaker 2: And this is one of the hardest things I've had to deal with because I'm a very strong person.

00:07:25
Speaker 1: I feel like I.

00:07:28
Speaker 2: All my life I've had to just brush things aside and keep moving, you know, And I've done that very well, where people.

00:07:35
Speaker 1: Was like, do you ever have a bad day?

00:07:36
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, I have bad days, but you're always happy. And I'm like, I'll learn to smile through it all, you know. And that's something with therapy that I'm learning. It's okay to go through the motions and the emotions are your emotions. Like one minute, I'll be like I'm fine, you know, I made the right decision. I'm at peace about it. This is something I had to do. And then there's other days where I'm really sad, or I'll see something on Instagram that I immediately want to send to her and I'm like, dang, like.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: Only she would understand this, you know.

00:08:04
Speaker 2: And that's like moments like that are moments where I'm going through something that I would normally only talk to her about where I really miss my friend, But when I think about the bigger picture, like you have to have boundaries even when it comes to friends. A lot of people think, oh, boundaries and relationships that we always talk about that, but we don't talk about boundaries and friendships. And it was something where we always would just be like, oh, that's just how she is, that's just and you make excuses for people, but they never take accountability to change or to do the work, you know. And I'll also say this, not all friendships that fall off is a definite end.

00:08:43
Speaker 1: You know.

00:08:44
Speaker 2: I've had a friend where we didn't talk for a few years and she started going to therapy and she started to realize a lot of the things that were going on were because of her, and she took accountability for that and we're great friends again today. You know, it doesn't the love doesn't stop, you know. And one thing I learned in therapy when I talk to out therapists Delana Zimmermann about this, she said, you have to allow people to go in grace and go with love. You can still love them from afar. You don't have to bad talk them or anything like that, but you have to put you first. You have to put your spirit first, your heart and your peace first. And in this season, I am learning what that looks like, you know, And it's tough.

00:09:28
Speaker 1: You know.

00:09:29
Speaker 2: I'll definitely be going through my day and just she'll pop up in my head, but I know that if I didn't make this move or make this sense, she may or may not go get the help that she needed, you know, and really just take time to look and be like, wow, maybe I do need to rethink some things, and maybe I do need to figure out why I react like this because a lot of times we do things and we have no idea why we're doing it, because a lot of things have been embedded in us as a child, and we're carrying that little girl a little boy with us throughout our lives and we never take time to realize, oh, this behavior is not good. Because we've had people for me, for one, who's just like, oh, that's just how they are, and we love them regardless of their actions, but they're never going to take accountability or learn the lessons if we keep continuing.

00:10:16
Speaker 1: To take that behavior.

00:10:18
Speaker 2: So that's like the thing that I'm going through right now, but also emotional purging.

00:10:24
Speaker 1: You know, I'm in therapy, I'm healing. We're all healing together.

00:10:27
Speaker 2: I see your messages and we're all healing together. And as I'm healing, I'm also learning that there's a lot of things that I myself have to rid of, get rid of, you know, and different traumas, different different things from my past.

00:10:45
Speaker 1: And I was having a.

00:10:46
Speaker 2: Conversation and the guy that I'm dating was like, you know, I feel like you're.

00:10:55
Speaker 1: Only compassionate about your work, you know.

00:10:57
Speaker 2: So there's things I have to I think a lot of times because I have so much going on, this is the one thing that that yields results that I can see, So like, I just put my focus into this one thing and not realizing that I'm not giving the people around me that I love that attention that they need as well.

00:11:17
Speaker 1: And that's that's a problem that I have to fix, you know.

00:11:20
Speaker 2: So in this time, I'm also unpacking and realizing, oh, there's some things Crystal.

00:11:24
Speaker 1: Needs to work on too.

00:11:25
Speaker 2: So I'm not just saying everybody around me who is the is the problem? But I also have some things that I need to fix as well when I think of even about my career. When it comes to pursing, you have to be really, really careful, you know, because a lot of times people attached to you based off every everything is about what you can do for them. You know, they can do things for you, but a lot of it is, well, what are you gonna do for me as well? And I started to realize that I had to pay very close attention to the people that I was aligned to represent.

00:12:01
Speaker 1: Me, whether it be pr whether it was management agents, even the people that I work with.

00:12:10
Speaker 2: You have to like look at everything because I have a lot of moving parts.

00:12:15
Speaker 1: And there have been instances where.

00:12:18
Speaker 2: I just look at character, I look at your moral compass, I look at how you treat people that can't help you. I always say that I pay attention to how people treat people who can do nothing for them, because that says a lot about your character and about who you are. And when I started paying attention to that, I started paying attention to.

00:12:39
Speaker 1: How they moved. I was like, hmm, does this really align with my brand? You know?

00:12:44
Speaker 2: And there are some people I had to completely let go, and there were some people that I just had to say Okay, this is your strengths, this is where you can reside in this space.

00:12:55
Speaker 1: But I can't let you go past that point.

00:12:57
Speaker 2: And that came with maturity, that came with growth, that came with mentorship. You know, I'm not gonna say I just woke up and knew like, Okay, these are things I have to do. These are the boundaries I have to set. I didn't wake up those.

00:13:09
Speaker 1: There's a lot of trial and error. You know.

00:13:10
Speaker 2: You go with your heart and your gutting like okay, this feels like a good fit, you know, and you're when you're first starting off and you're trying to put your team together, you are just excited, you know, and exciting when you find somebody who actually believes in you because for so long no one believed in you.

00:13:25
Speaker 1: And now you have people call and say, hey, I wud.

00:13:27
Speaker 2: Love to represent you, and learning that you have to really vet those people. You have to really take time to get to know what they've done, what their motives are, and in that then you're able to set boundaries or able to say, hey, you know what, this is no longer serving me and I've had to do that and it's really hard, especially when you really like the person, you like them, and but it's certain things with business, it's like this isn't you're not getting the job done. You gotta put your big girl panties on and do the right thing for yourself. And again, it's about choosing what's good for you. You you know, a lot of times people I was watching this show on Netflix called How to.

00:14:08
Speaker 1: Get Rich or something.

00:14:09
Speaker 2: It's a really dope show about budgeting and you know, just living within your means. And he was talking about how this woman had a financial advice and he was like, why are you paying someone a percentage? You should never do that and just teaching us things that nobody because we're navigating this on our own, so we don't know these things.

00:14:25
Speaker 1: And he was like, you pay them their hourly rate.

00:14:27
Speaker 2: And he was like, but a lot of people just continue to keep that person on because oh they're nice or my dad knows them, and oh they're a friend of the family.

00:14:35
Speaker 1: No, they're robbing you blind.

00:14:37
Speaker 2: So like not saying anybody was doing that to me, but these are things that you have to look out for if you're not knowledgeable. And a lot of times in my situation, I've been learning trial by error, you know, and trying to figure it out and learning the lessons as I go. And another thing that you have to deal with when you are purging people out of your life. Sometimes people will play on your emotions.

00:14:59
Speaker 1: They will try to give you pushback.

00:15:01
Speaker 2: But once you make your decision up, you have to stand on that shit. I say it all the time because a lot of times you think about, even in relationships, like you've seen the signs, You've seen it all, but you're like, oh, but these are some good things that I liked. It's the same thing with business. God will show you the signs. You'll see it pop up and you'll ignore it or you'll take heed. If you don't take heed, you will allow people to be like, well, like, let's just give it another shot and let me show you what I can do.

00:15:31
Speaker 1: No, you've already showed me who you are. You already showed me what.

00:15:33
Speaker 2: You cannot do, so I'm not going to give you any more time to waste.

00:15:38
Speaker 1: We got to keep this thing. This train is moving.

00:15:39
Speaker 2: It's moving real fast, so either you gonna get on board and get with.

00:15:43
Speaker 1: It or get left.

00:15:45
Speaker 2: And when people try to start like pleading their case and giving pushback.

00:15:50
Speaker 1: It's like, no, this is where I stand.

00:15:53
Speaker 2: And that's when on the episode of Get to Know Me, that the little rebellious girl that's like, no, this is what I want to do. She comes into play and says, hey, this is where I staying. We're not doing this, and that's my final answer.

00:16:09
Speaker 1: Okay, goodbye.

00:16:11
Speaker 2: So when it comes to even as a kid, like I didn't like conflict. I always wanted to do I want to be perfect, I want to do it right, and didn't want any conflict from anybody even in school, like never fought anybody, very unproblematic. But there was another side of me that was very definitive, that knew exactly what she wanted, how she wanted it. And even today, I'm very particular about a lot of things. And I think that just comes with one It comes from knowing exactly what you deserve, knowing your worth, what you bring to the table. And he was a kid I al I knew like I had a lot to bring to the table. So it started at a very young age where I was like, Nope, this is what I like, that is what I don't like, and that's it. But a lot of times people are like where where does that come from? You know, I really don't know like where it came from. I think it's just a part of my DNA that I'm very matter of fact. But I also do not like conflicts. Like I'm a I'm a liber I'm a very peaceful person.

00:17:16
Speaker 1: I love balance. I don't really get into all the signs and stuff. I just know those few things about leavers.

00:17:23
Speaker 2: But when it comes to who I am at the core, like I'm very unproblematic.

00:17:28
Speaker 1: I like to find peaceful.

00:17:29
Speaker 2: Solutions even when I'm like upset, I find a positive angle that come from I don't come.

00:17:35
Speaker 1: Right at you with you did this, this, this, this, and this. I say, hey, like, these.

00:17:39
Speaker 2: Are the great things that you did, but these are the areas that kind of bother me, or these are the areas that we don't align. And I don't think this relationship serves my brand or where I'm going. And that's really how I just deal with it now, you know, And as you become a business woman or a businessman, you really have to stand firm on it because people.

00:18:00
Speaker 1: Will run over you. They'll run over you.

00:18:02
Speaker 2: They will put their ideas into your head and make you think, no, this is what you need to do. You have to be very clear on where you're going and what you're trying to do, or literally you're just gonna be going in all different directions because oh, this is what my manager told me to do, and this is what my agent told me to do, and then this is what my boss telling me you do? No, what do you want to do? And once you figure that out, it's easier to stand firm on those things. And I think that really has come with trial and error.

00:18:31
Speaker 1: It's come with.

00:18:33
Speaker 2: Confidence, it has come with learning, hey, this is the direction I want to go in, and being intentional about that. That's the main thing, figuring out, figuring out your purpose and being very intentional to stay in that lane.

00:18:46
Speaker 1: As Passadarys say, what's your street?

00:18:48
Speaker 2: I'm on my street and this is where we're going. Either y'all gonna ride with me or you're not. So I think that's how I really got to the point of saying, Hey.

00:19:00
Speaker 1: This is this is not working, or this is it. This is exactly what I wanted, and let's move forward.

00:19:09
Speaker 2: You go, and you know.

00:19:14
Speaker 1: About like, did you did you have the side you go?

00:19:25
Speaker 2: Girl?

00:19:26
Speaker 1: Ain't nobody gonna let me go? Me.

00:19:33
Speaker 2: I'm She asked me, how have I ever been on the receiving end of somebody wanting to let me go?

00:19:43
Speaker 1: I say, have I gonna let me go? Here? No, I'm joking. Let me think.

00:19:49
Speaker 2: Oh, I really gotta think about this, because I'm like a catch and once they catch it, they really don't. You know, a lot of times it's me saying that they're not ready for this level of you know, love that I had to give.

00:20:08
Speaker 3: Mm No, I have to think about that.

00:20:13
Speaker 1: That's a that's a really good question.

00:20:15
Speaker 2: Have I ever been on the receiving end of being let go? I remember my first best friend in I think we started being best friends in middle school or high school, and then we.

00:20:32
Speaker 1: Ended up being roommates in.

00:20:34
Speaker 2: College our freshman year, which is a big no no.

00:20:38
Speaker 1: You never room with your best friend. And we ended up getting to an argument and it's like you know what, like I can't do this anymore, and that was both of us. She ended up moving to a different room.

00:20:50
Speaker 2: I stayed in the room and she moved, and that really kind of just was the straw that brought the camel's back. I remember, like we really hadn't been closed since then, Like it was one of those friendships where it.

00:21:03
Speaker 1: Just never got back to where it was.

00:21:05
Speaker 2: It's still it's no love life. When we see each other, it's love because we were grown now. But that's one instance where I remember someone walking out of my life. I guess, like even the situation where of the guy that I didn't have sex with for that year and now he's like with somebody totally different, walking a totally different light. Yeah, I guess that's that's the person that I could tell like we were not aligned, and when when we broke up, it was like, Okay, I had seen the signs because he was getting more and more distant. So I would say, that's that's one recently where someone walked out of my life. And I was okay with that because as I talked about and loved the way God intended, I hadn't given my body to him. So I was okay with him leaving and was like, okay, cool because a lot of times for women, once we've given ourselves to you, it's a different type of attachment that we have, and for me that that instance where he walked away, it was like you're loss and.

00:22:18
Speaker 1: It's still his loss. I mean, yeah, it's his loss, but we're good.

00:22:27
Speaker 3: We're still friends. Until he watches this, you're like, oh, we we're friends.

00:22:38
Speaker 1: No, you know what. Hmm.

00:22:48
Speaker 2: When I think about other situations that a relationships, whether it be friends relationship, mainly mainly friendships, a lot of things kind of fizzle out on their own where I don't have to say anything, you know, our lives start to move in different directions and I don't really have to address any issues that I may have seen because life just naturally takes different different course. Our lives naturally take different courses. A lot of times, like I talked about with my friend, I would when I realized I wasn't getting the same support and love that I was giving out, I just started matching that energy. And that's probably one of my toxic traits. I'll just match the energy and move on versus.

00:23:48
Speaker 1: Being like, hey, let's sit down and have a talk. But I just don't feel like everybody deserves a talk, you know.

00:23:55
Speaker 2: I feel like some people you just gotta all right, this is not going anywhere. We see what it is, and I'm just not gonna waste my time on it because I don't even want to give you the opportunity to try to talk me out of it because it's over. And then some things I just don't even have the energy or the capacity to even entertain, so I just let it fizzle out.

00:24:16
Speaker 1: I'll say, even when.

00:24:17
Speaker 2: It comes to purging people, it's not always an easy choice. And then there are times where I'm like, dang, Like was I too hard on them? Should I have been more graceful and gracious to them?

00:24:37
Speaker 1: Should I have given them another chance?

00:24:40
Speaker 2: But for me, in my big age, I feel like when people show you who they are, believe them. That's just how I feel about it. And when I think back on people that have gone on with their lives and we s we parted ways, I feel like trying to think, has there been anyone that was like Dang, I mean I should have given another chance? Cause no, cause I'm I give people chances.

00:25:15
Speaker 1: No, I would say, if you're out of my life, I.

00:25:17
Speaker 2: And you really miss something to me, I've had several conversations with you, I've communicated my issues, and if it comes to a point where you're out of my.

00:25:28
Speaker 1: Life, it's for a reason.

00:25:30
Speaker 2: So I don't think I regretted it, but cause I always give people a chance to prove who they are and give them a chance to rectify it and correct it.

00:25:39
Speaker 1: And if you don't do that, and that's on you. Yeah.

00:25:43
Speaker 2: So when I think about anybody that I've let go and ever regretted it or the thought that I did it too soon, no, mm. If I had to give younger Crystal some advice on when to let go and when to hold on, because the intuition that I'm in tune with now, I've always had it, but I didn't always listen and I wasn't always in tune with it.

00:26:14
Speaker 1: I would tell younger Crystal to.

00:26:19
Speaker 2: One, know your boundaries, to understand that you have a god given intuition. And even though you may not understand what that feels like, as you continue to grow and grow into your womanhood, you will eventually realize what that feels like and what that sounds like, and what the voice of God sounds like. I would say, keep inventory, you know, start keeping inventory at a young age.

00:26:52
Speaker 1: You know. I feel like when I.

00:26:53
Speaker 2: Was younger, I just allowed people to run over me. I allowed people to do whatever. I just was a people person, people pleaser, Okay. I just want to keep everybody happy. That's all I want I wanted everybody to be.

00:27:05
Speaker 1: Happy, and at what cost.

00:27:09
Speaker 2: It was at the cost of me not always being happy, and I thought that was a nice thing to do, but didn't realize how it was really affecting me.

00:27:20
Speaker 1: I would tell younger Crystal to.

00:27:24
Speaker 2: Well, honestly, I probably would have told her to get in therapy a lot younger, you know, at an early age, because I.

00:27:30
Speaker 1: Feel like that would have helped.

00:27:33
Speaker 2: Read a lot of the lessons that I just had to go through because I didn't have that. You know, I did family therapy with my family, but that was for other reasons, but just to have somebody to talk to and really like bounce those ideas off of, and hey, these are the issues I'm having, this is what I'm seeing. Help me understand what's going on here. If I had had that at a younger age, like kids nowadays do at their fingertips, it's readily available, I feel like I would have definitely.

00:28:04
Speaker 1: Bypassed a lot of heartache.

00:28:06
Speaker 2: I would have bypassed because a lot of times your heart is attached to your friends too. It's not always a relationship with boyfriend and girlfriend heartache. There's a heartache from losing friends, family, whatever, the case and be jobs your heart is involved if you're passionate about it, and anyone that I'm in close contact to or close proximity to, I'm very passionate about them.

00:28:28
Speaker 1: And I think that.

00:28:29
Speaker 2: Also being aware of who you let close to you and having that awareness that everybody's not for you and pay attention to that, because for me, I just didn't I couldn't fathom that because I'm not that type of person. And you can't be so gullible that you don't see the truth about people, because you know why I wouldn't do that, Why would somebody to do that? Why wouldn't go break into a house? That doesn't mean people don't do it. So you have to be aware of that everyone is not like you, and that you can't go around life thinking that, Okay, whatever I put out, I'm going to get, because it doesn't work like that.

00:29:09
Speaker 1: So I would say those few things.

00:29:11
Speaker 2: Even that I wish I knew, you know, as I was growing up, so that I could be more in tune with with my intuition and seeing the signs when I asked for it, because I would ask for signs at sixteen about.

00:29:22
Speaker 1: A little boy like ooh Lord, just send me a sign. This my boyfriend.

00:29:27
Speaker 2: Now I'm asking for bigger signs, but I feel like those are the things that I would tell younger Crystal that I've learned as forty year old Crystal. So now for my favorite part of the show, Positive outcomes were you guys writing to me and tell me what you're going through and I.

00:29:49
Speaker 1: Give you my advice the best that I can.

00:29:51
Speaker 2: So this one says, Hey, So recently, I've been on a self discovery journey and I'm just now starting to love myself again, feeling whole, being happy, and finding the courage to pursue my dreams of becoming an actress, producer.

00:30:03
Speaker 1: And entrepreneur.

00:30:05
Speaker 2: I've learned that by walking away from certain people in my life, I've been able to set myself free from their baggage. For a long time, I've always felt the need to be there for everyone and to always be a safety net for people. I've been a friend and aunt, a big sister and more. But the thing is, when I look around, there's very little to no one here from me like I am there for them. Last year, I cut off two of my friends. They were absolutely awful and emotionally draining. I was battling so much anxiety and stress, which led to suicidal thoughts and attempts because I wasn't strong enough to let them go. It wasn't until I rededicated my life to God love that I realized that holding on would hurt me more than letting go. So I did when I talked about my dreams and goals. I didn't feel heard when I would say to them what I want to accomplish.

00:30:56
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like they cared.

00:30:59
Speaker 2: They are so consumed with their live spouses, partying, and their kids. I'm single, I don't enjoy clubbing me neither, and I don't have any kids me neither. My question is how do I audit my circle. I don't want to lose our friends, but I also don't want to feel guilt of my success. And if they're still where they are, I'm questioning how they feel about me.

00:31:26
Speaker 1: Okay, wow, First of all, I get this on many levels. I know what it's like to.

00:31:41
Speaker 2: Not feel heard and feel seen by your friends, and I want to commend you on rededicating your life to God because I feel like when you do that and you find God all over again in a new way.

00:31:55
Speaker 1: In this season in your life.

00:31:56
Speaker 2: It's going to help guide you in a way that you haven't been guided before, cause you were probably looking to your friends for different affirmations when you need to be looking God for confirmations.

00:32:08
Speaker 1: I would say.

00:32:09
Speaker 2: Auditing, which I call it inventory. Taking inventory of your circle is very important. And like I said, just write it down. Every time you feel something that makes you go hmm, okay, that made me feel the type of way, just write it down. Everything doesn't need to be addressed at once. I would say, take on that and then also find friends that are happy for you. Find friends that have something going on. You know, a lot of times they say hurt people hurt people they do. If they're not in a space where they can be happy for you. Maybe you need to find a new set of friends. And I feel like you may find that in church since you're rededicating your life to God. And you said, I'm questioning how they feel about me. If you ever have to question how someone feels about you, that's not a friend. All my real friends, I don't have to question it because we affirm each other daily. We tell each other when we talk to each other, like how much we love each other, how proud we are.

00:33:15
Speaker 1: We are our biggest cheerleaders.

00:33:17
Speaker 2: So if you have to question that, I think that in itself is a red flag.

00:33:22
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm praying for you.

00:33:25
Speaker 2: I'm so happy that you're moving in a new direction in your light, and I feel like these are the things you need to take into consideration and make sure you write those things.

00:33:36
Speaker 1: Down, all right.

00:33:37
Speaker 2: I wish the best of luck, and especially on becoming an actress, producing an entrepreneur.

00:33:42
Speaker 1: Those are not easy feats, but it's something. If I can do it, you can do it.

00:33:46
Speaker 2: There's so many people that have been successful in those areas and anything you want to do, stick your mind to it. Maybe focus more on what you're trying to do than focusing on how people feel about you. That's another thing I would say, all right, I love you, and that's which is.

00:34:04
Speaker 1: All right.

00:34:05
Speaker 2: What I'm going through and what I am growing through, going through and growing through right now in this season, I am going through losing people, you know, thinking that everybody that was gonna come with me isn't And they say that everybody that comes with you can't go with you, and that's a real thing. And I'm learning that to be more and more true every day. So that's what I'm going through. What I'm growing through is understanding that I two have work to do, that I too am not perfect, that I too have to do inventory.

00:34:51
Speaker 1: I have to fix myself.

00:34:52
Speaker 2: I have to unlearned things, I have to unpack and continue to heal, and I have to do what's best for Chris in this healing season, in this purging season, and understand that nothing is personal. It's all about my path. It's all about my purpose and where I'm going. And if it doesn't serve that, then it can't reside here. So that's what I'm going through and what I'm growing through, and we do our.

00:35:18
Speaker 1: Keep it Blake Sweetie.

00:35:20
Speaker 2: For this one, I would say, keep inventory, Sweetie, keep inventory. All right, guys, thank you so much for tuning into this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweety Guys, healing, I'm growing. I'm learning so much about myself. I'm learning a lot about you guys too, as we both heal together. I appreciate you guys for your love and support. I see you, I hear you, and I love you guys so much. If you want to write into my listener letter, you can write into Keep It Positsweetie at gmail dot com and you can follow me on all platforms at love Chris Ornee and you can follow Keep it positive, sweetie, And that's with an Ie on all platforms as well. That's keep it positive sweet with an i E. All Right, guys, I love you so much. Until next time, you know what to do. Keep it positive, Sweetie.

00:36:21
Speaker 1: Let's talk about that.