Reid Miles: Navigating Late Autism Diagnosis – Overcoming Stigmas, Building Resilience, and Advocating for an Inclusive Future

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tooni Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World?
Today's guest is Read Miles. He's autistic, He's written a
book and has his own parts podcast. He joins us
today to share his personal journey with autism and offer
valuable insights into his daily life and future aspirations. Thanks
for coming on another problem. So tell me what age
was it that you got your diagnosis and found that
you are autistic.
That's a very long story. We didn't know I had
Asperger's growing up. We knew I had ADHD, and it
was probably in my late twenties. We had family and
friends and even my general practitioner. Come and tell me,
Come tell my parents. I should say that I think
Reid has got the symptoms of high functioning autism. So
that kind of set off a bell above my parents
head and the light saying, oh, that explains a lot
of why he does what he does, the way he
is with people, and why he has trouble not knowing
when something is a joke and how to interact and
stuff and stuff like that, and life went on. We
just went was that unofficial diagnosis for a while. I
graduated college and went on to get my master's later,
and then when I came home from school, my mom
was like, we're going to try again with social Security.
And we went through social Security and got that, and
then I came across a clinical trial for autism.
Okay, and what did that entail?
What that does is what it was? Was it was
for It was for communications, and I figured I had
trouble with communications and that would be perfect. So I
went through that. But the first thing you had to
do with the clinical trial is you had to be
diagnosed to see where you are on the spectrum. So
they had some idea of how to test out. And
let me tell you, it's not just some little test.
This is a long test, four hours long, broken up
with a luncheon between. They take me and my mom
and they put us in two different spots, and they
took my mom and brother over to a separate building
and they asked her questions because they wanted her honest
opinion of me, not what I wanted. They want they thought,
you know, and they wanted honest opinion for me because
this is what I thought of myself. Okay, that was
the official diagnose. From that point on, it was just well,
when I was about fifty, is that when my official
diagnosis was.
So when you got that diagnosis, did anything change the
way that you looked at different things, the way you
thought people may look at you, What went through your
mind at that time?
I knew, I mean, we knew I was autistic. I've
always viewed the world differently. It just opened up my
eyes to the fact that there are more people like
me out there in the world. Okay, that I'm not alone.
And as I went about my life, I realized I
need to become part of that community.
Yeah. Sure.
I started looking through Facebook for autism groups. I realized
a lot of the groups are very nitpicking about the rules.
You can't advertise, you can't talk about this, you can't
talk about that. And I was doing my podcast during
that time and a lot of the groups just kicked
me out because they didn't want they didn't want me
to talking about my podcast. Okay, I did meet a
really good friend there, and he helped me understand more
of the autism world. He told me the differences between
awareness and acceptance, the differences between the yellow ribbon and
the puzzle piece. So I was learning where to step
and whatnot to step on.
Sure, So when you say that you looked at the
world differently, can you tell us what were your views
of the world? And this maybe before you was diagnosed.
So did your outlooks change before you was diagnosed? And
then of course after you was diagnosed.
The world nothing really changed. But I realized it kind
of changed because I realized after a while. I started
when I was applying for work. I realized every time
I put that little checkbox in circle autistic, I never
got a response. Oh okay, And before that I would
get responses before we knew I was autistic. I would
still have an application and maybe out of one out
of ten, i'd get a phone call saying we'd like
to interview you. Sure, And then afterwards it's like, not
even one phone call, not even one email it's always
the basic story of I'm sorry, we decided to move on.
Wow, that's sad to hear, and it's like.
You can't sit there and bite them because they're not
saying it's the autism, but you know in your heart
it is.
Yeah, yeah, that's sad. What was your view of the
world when you was fifteen? That was your formative years
where you probably knew something wasn't quite right, but you
really didn't know exactly what it was. So how did
the world look to you during your teens?
When I was fifteen, all I knew was I had
adhd okay, and I didn't know I was I didn't
know why I did what I did. I remember stories
from my parents about my behaviors, like I remember there
was the story of them telling me, you know that
you used to take apart your parents your father's tools
just to see how they work. And I don't remember this.
It's like it got locked away in the back of
my head. I viewed the world differently back then. I
was more happy, not as cynical because of the way
people view people like me who are autistic and all
the others. And then once I got that diagnosis, it's like, oh,
and it's also it's the way people look at you too,
when you tell them you're autistic, they kind of look
at you differently. I mean, there's those who think autism
means you're not brought me bright, and then there are
those who think who are okay with it, in cool
and stick around being your friend.
Yeah, yeah, right, So during your high school years, ADHD
was pretty well known at that time. So your autistic
traits that you had at the time that you really
didn't know was autistic, did that affect your social life
at all.
Through high school? Was high school was my harder fears
for me?
Yeah, I hear that a lot.
I struggled. I didn't know why I was struggling with
all my different courses. Sure, one of my biggest problems
was I had trouble with note taking, and I never
knew why. I mean, I'd look around my class and
realized all these other kids are doing fine understanding watching
a movie, being able to take notes from it, okay,
and here I'm struggling to figure out what what's important
what's not And I'm trying to figure out why my
mind can't process what's important from this film?
Right, Okay?
High school was tough because I didn't know what to
say and what not to say. You can say I
kind of was masking because I was pretending to be
somebody that wasn't part of the time, just so I
would be people would look at me and accept me
for who I am. Yet I got picked on by
the bullies, extorted for lunch
money for protection. Even though I had an older brother
who had just graduated and the upper class knew me,
it's still my class, and down to the juniors or
even the sophomores picked on me and it was tough.
Yeah, that's tough to say. So what changed for you
between high school and college?
Maturity?
Wow, that's great.
When I got my online degree from Contrarado Technical University,
it took four years of time. When I went for
my master's there was a difference between when I originally
went to school for college for my degree and when
I went for my master's degree. And it was an
a maturity level because when I went from high school
to college, people were different. People treated you different. You
were one of people didn't know I was autistic unless
I told them, so I was part of the fray.
No one knew anything about me. I was more upgoing
than I was in high school. People were tinder.
Oh that's good.
High school felt I felt like people saw me differently.
My first time going away to college right out of
high school, I got picked on greatly. I was in
the University of Osh Gosh in Wisconsin, and every night
would be something. There was a thing they called being
pennied in your room where they stuck money in between
the door jam and it locked you and you couldn't
lock your you couldn't open the door.
Wow.
They would target me as being gay, which I wasn't.
There would be shaving cream all over my door, condoms
on my door handle, and I was just picked on greatly.
And then after twosome my summer and my regular semester,
I said this isn't for me. I got to get
out of it.
Sure. So what happened next.
I took time off, tried to find work and I couldn't.
So an opportunity fell into my lap to go get
my degree online and I did that. That was more
easier because it was doing it at home. I did
pretty well without very little help from my family or anyone.
I mean the only time I really needed a little
bit of help was with math and after that. I
mean I graduated with a three point five average.
Yeah that's great. I mean that's real good. Okay, So
what do you do now? But I guess first, what
did you go for to get your master degree?
In? I? I went to get my master's in advanced
computer science computational intelligence. But what's funny, and I didn't
know you didn't you could change your course. I'm okay,
had to follow your back to this degree. So I
could have went somewhere else. I could have went to
another topic. I could have done so many different things,
but I didn't.
So are you able to use your degree now in
what you do?
Not? Really?
So when you got your master's, did you think the
opportunities were going to be there for you to gainfully
get employment? What change that caused you not to be
able to use it as you thought you might?
There were many For my particular degree, there were many
opportunities out there. I figured maybe if I had an
advanced degree, at least somebody would recognize that I have
a degree in the computer field. Even though it's an
advanced degree, it's still a degree, a master's degree in
that field and they would say, oh, this kid is smart,
he knows what he's doing. But it didn't happen. I
look everywhere for computer jobs. Nothing.
Okay. So now you're in your fifties, is that correct?
I am fifty three.
Okay, So now you're in your fifties, what obstacles do
you see that are in your way? What do you
see that you would like to see changed, or what
do you see that you might be able to change
yourself so you can move forward to do what you
want to do.
I mean right now I'm in a good spot, but
I would the only obstacles would be financed. I don't
have any sponsors for my own podcast, and that could
be the make or break for me, because if I
can get sponsorship, that would mean I had income coming in.
I would kind of be almost be sacked for life.
Okay, that makes sense. So what are you doing now?
You do your podcast? Are you doing other things as well?
I've just written a book. Oh nice, waiting for that
to get published.
That's awesome. So what's the book about?
But the book is about my life?
Oh that's that's great.
It basically follows me from diagnosis to school, travel, volunteering,
going to my first convention. Life, I have tips advice.
I talk about friendship and knowing the difference between a
true friend and a dear friend. I talk about dating
and jobs and everything's tied up into one big message
and that you need to step outside of your comfort zone.
Yeah, that's one of my favorite sayings that I use
all the time.
Yeah, especially if you're autistic, because in the autistic community,
there are a lot of introverts who say, I'm happy
where I'm at. Why should I step outside? And at
the end of the book, I say, listen, I'm not
telling you what to do. I'm not here to hold
your hand. When you get old enough, you're going to
look back at your life and you realize I should have, could.
Have what right? Right exactly?
You're not going to be able to talk to doctors,
you won't know what to say, you won't be able
to know how to talk to insurance companies. You need
to know these things and you're not going to learn them.
And lets you step outside of the comfort zone and
take initiative yourself.
So what's your friendships like? Are they pretty balance between
the neurotypical world and the autistic world. So how would
you look at your friendships and define them? Is it
what you had hoped for?
I have very few friends. Okay, I have one good
friend who's on the nurootypical side. I have another friend
who's not on the nurootypical So kind of balance that
you say, because I have a few friends, so those
who are and those who aren't.
Well, that sounds pretty normal. Really. If I look at
my circle of friends that I have, even though I
know a lot of people, it still comes down there's
only a handful of really good friends. So if you
have a couple of really good friends, then I think
that's just pretty awesome.
I Mean, one of the messages I talk about in
my book is friendship, and I talk about how a
true friend is somebody that sticks away no matter what, absolutely,
and if that friend tries to change you, then they're
not a friend at all.
Right, right, exactly? So now you mentioned that you are ADHD.
I've talked with several people that are both ADHD and autistic.
They tell me that the ADHD will pull them one
way and the autism will pull them another way. How
do you deal with that? Everyone deals with it differently,
So what's your approach to it with.
My ADHD and my AHD. I mean, it's all a
balancing act. I got to figure out how to compensate
for my memory problems with my ADHD. I once was
told about my ADHD that if you don't use it,
you lose it. So everything you've learned gets pushed so
far back into your head that you will struggle to
retreat it. With my autism, it's all about relationships, friendship
and how to deal with that and how to keep
my friendships without losing them right, And it's also more
of a social thing. My biggest thing is my social
and how I deal with that is my podcast, and
that's taught me so much. It's brought me so many
closer friends all over the world, including you. That's nice,
but it's taught me how to talk with people, so
kind of a give and take with me. I know,
my autism kind of pulls one way where I need
to learn how to deal with this, But my ADHD,
like you said, pulls another way where I need to
learn how to deal with my memory.
So now you do your podcast, and of course you
carry yourself well, thank you. Does that podcast allow you
to transfer what you do on your podcast with people,
then go out your front door into the real world
and be able to have a conversation with anyone very much.
So I am very much like my grandfather or my father,
very much of a talkative person. I can walk into
a stranger and talk to him. I can be standing
in line at a restaurant that's in the busy line
and just turn to the person in front of me
and go, this is this is crazy. There's only one
person at their register, and just talk with him for
a short for short minutes. Or there's a story once
where I just got back from school. It's New Year's Eve,
me and my two friends go to this restaurant to eat,
and there's this guy in front of us getting his
order and leave. They go, hey, man, have a happy
New Year. He's like you too, man, and my friend
looks at me, he's like, do you know him? I'm
like nope, Oh I thought you knew him or something.
You know him from the neighborhood. And I'm like nope,
just to somebody. I'm just wishing a happy New Year too,
And he's.
Like, good, that's pretty awesome. Actually. So now, autistic people
are known for their meltdowns. They can last twenty minutes
or they can last twenty hours. You just never know.
Did you have any problems with meltdowns? And if you did,
how did you handle it?
That's an interesting story. I've never had a melt down
once in a while life, except for the time I
left for school, okay, And I didn't know what it
was until I started learning more about meltdowns than what
was going on in my life. All Right, I was fine, fine, fine,
excitement with building up. I was getting ready to fly
out to school, right, And me and my mom and
dad are at the airport and the guy behind the
desk goes, only one parent's allowed with you to go
to the gate. Wow, And I'm holding my cool on
my mom's leg. But he's autistic, he would he needs
us with him. And he goes like, I'm sorry, but
this is the new rules since twenty since nine to eleven.
So we're arguing back and forth, trying to get it
to go, and all of a sudden, I go into
a meltdown and I don't know why I'm crying, and
I just can't stop. I'm thinking in my head, I
just want to tell this guy off my Mom's like,
no doubt. So what happens is my father goes, your
mother will go with you, and he and the guy
tells us there's a glass gate with a revolver door
with a guard. You can sit there in their seats
on the other side. So my dad sits on the
other side. My mom and I are walking to the
gate and she goes, I'm going to go into the store. Here,
get your dad some candy in a newspaper. So she's like, here,
here's the phone. Talk to your father, and my dad
doesn't know what's going on either. I'm crying on the phone,
and my dad's going, stop crying. You're making yourself look
like a fool. You're embarrassing yourself. So I'm crying and crying,
and my mom puts the paper and the candy in
the revolving door. My dad bends it around, torn said.
My dad goes to pick it up and he falls,
and we're laughing, but I'm still crying. And then the
gate call comes on for boarding, and it's just like
a light switch flips in my head and I stop crying,
and I waved goodbye to my parents, and I board
the plane, find my seat, put my luggage away and
I'm talking to the people next to me.
Well, it's one of those things where it switched on
and then nicely it's with the thing that I've always
heard about meltdowns is you just don't know how long
they're going to last, what's going to set them off,
whether it can be violent. There are just so many
variables about meltdowns, and it's good that you got past
it like you did. So what's your family dynamic? Now
you've mentioned your mother, You've mentioned your father, how they've
helped you. This seems like you've got a really good
family unit there. Do you have other family members that
support you or is it just pretty much your mother
and your father?
Well, I lost my father in twenty seventeen.
Oh, sorry to hear that.
It's just me and my mom, brother who and his
family who lived next door while I was in college.
They move south by my brother. What's nice is my
sister in law's family understands me because her cousin's son
is autistic too, so there's that connection to where Oh
we had it too, so we kind of understand more
about it. I'm a little bit more on the higher
end than he is. I mean, he's got a job,
but he's his mind is more of a.
Child, almost, right.
I mean, my mom's always worried about me. What's going
to happen afterward she's gone.
Right, That's very common thing. I hear.
My brother has told me, Listen, when the mom's gone,
you don't have to worry. You'll still be able to
live in the apartment. I'll just take the money that
mom has put as saved up for you. You take
your part of the rent, and then you use your
you try to use your money to survive.
Well, that's great. At least there's a plan there.
Yeah, I have a plan.
That's very good. A lot of people don't have a plan.
Yeah, I mean the biggest problem is, I mean, you
can't live off of SFI, right, there's not enough money
to live off of sure, I mean that's not enough.
So I'm hoping something will happen between now and then.
Maybe with my book, maybe I'll get a sponsor so
that will be added money on top of that.
Sure. Sure, So what's your goals? You're in your fifties,
You've got some plans, You've got a lot of things
you're hoping for. Where do you see yourself in the
next five years. What's your next step?
My next step will hopefully be they have a long
term sponsor for my podcast and be a successful author,
having my book being picked up everywhere, possibly going around
talking about my book, going to bookstores, reading from it.
That's great. So what's the name of your book?
It will be called Outside the Comfort Zone.
That's a great tittle. I really like that. Okay, so
the next thing is how do people get in touch
with you? They want to be on your podcast, they
want to buy your book, just find more information about you.
They can go to Aspergerstudio dot com. Then you can
go over to work with me and right there they
can email me and then I'll send them a link
to schedule a booking date. My book is in the
editing process this right now and not sure when it
will be on and need to find a publisher.
Yeah, it just takes a little time. You'll get there.
So let's fast forward a little bit. You're standing in
front of an audience. You have people that don't know
much about autism. They know some, but they want to
learn more. What is your statement to them and what
are you telling them?
I'm going to talk about stepping out of the comfort though,
and how important it is because life doesn't stop for nothing.
We only have one life. We need to live it
to its fullest. Because the minute you stop and sit
there and cry, I can't handle it. Life in't going
to stop stop for you. It's just going to keep going.
Your family will go, I mean, your parents will die,
you will be alone, and you be left with what
am I going to do with my life? I've never
done any I haven't done anything. I mean I want
everyone out there to know that your life is a
roadmap of that you create. You put the destinations in
by doing things. And I have a saying in my
book that goes and experience is an experience, whether it's
good or bad. No matter what you do, no matter
how bad it experience is, it's still something you've done.
And that's the important thing.
Yeah. Absolutely, I like that very good point, and what
you said, it's very fact based. There's nothing in it
to deny. I really like that. It's a harsh world
out there, and sometimes in order to be successful you
have to step outside of what you called the comfort zone,
and if you don't, it could bite you right in
the butt. So what is one of the hardest things
that you might find living in the autistic world that
you might tell some people about one of.
The hardest things about being autistic is people will realize
that there's two sides to a coin in the autism
world in two different ways, the two camps of the
higher functioning and the lower functioning. And I've learned that
there are those who are higher function who want nothing
to do with the lower side. And I talked with
a lovely woman and she's like, I don't get it.
The higher functioning will not deal with them, But yet
we're all part of the same family. You're all autistic.
I just wanted people to know that, Hey, listen, you're
not alone in this world. Either if you're a parent
who had somebody who's autistic, or you're autistic yourself, if
you're a caregiver, you're not alone in the world. Don't
feel like you are. There are millions of us out
there who are advocating, who are trying to help those
and get the word out that you are not alone.
Our country needs to change the way it treats those
who are disabled. I've talked with some with the Assistant
Minister of Autism in Australia. They do so much more
for their people who are autistic than we have ever
done for our people here. I mean, that's the big
thing I've talked with people about. It's just the label.
If we eliminate the label, everyone would be so much
better off.
I definitely agree they are one. This has been a
great conversation. I really appreciate taking the time to come
on on my podcast.
Thank you very much. I mean, it's an overcoming.
The pleasure has been mine. Thanks a lot. Thanks for
taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen
to our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it
as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If
you know anyone that would like to tell us their story,
send them to tonymantor dot com contact then they can
give us their information so one day they may be
a guest on our show. One more thing we ask
tell everyone everywhere about why not me? The world, the
conversations we're having, and the inspiration our guests give to
everyone everywhere that you are not alone in this world.