Shut The F*ck Up & Live a Happier Life!

[SPEAKER_00]: Today, on misunderstood with Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_00]: Gossip is become the norm.
[SPEAKER_00]: But how do you shut the f*** up?
[SPEAKER_01]: I do the best way to teach anything.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just be the work.
[SPEAKER_01]: Being the shut the f*** up, please.
[SPEAKER_01]: It doesn't really work.
[SPEAKER_01]: Two people are having a gossip marathon about somebody.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you don't have to join.
[SPEAKER_01]: Studies are showing that people are living seventy percent of their lives in fight or flight.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like you're in a lane, you're driving two Las Vegas on second year, the whole time.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not sustainable for the human body.
[SPEAKER_00]: The ten commandments of shut fuck up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Commandment number one is if you're going to talk shit about someone don't use their name use my friend keep on an remedy chaos.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's part of the process.
[SPEAKER_00]: This isn't just going to happen overnight.
[SPEAKER_00]: Lives are chaotic.
[SPEAKER_00]: What are your thoughts on chaos?
[SPEAKER_01]: Chaos is part of the process.
[SPEAKER_01]: How can we narrate chaos in a way that it's a lot more gentler for us?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'd love all the things that you're bringing on that I son.
[SPEAKER_00]: We are revisiting a few standout episodes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Conversations that were so meaningful, so resonant, or so relevant, right now that we felt they deserved a second listen.
[SPEAKER_00]: Whether you missed it the first time or just need to hear the message again with new years, this is one of those episodes.
[SPEAKER_00]: Today we're bringing back the conversation with my friend George Perez,
[SPEAKER_00]: author of The Shut the Fuck Up Method.
[SPEAKER_00]: Silence your way to the life of your dreams.
[SPEAKER_00]: And no, the title isn't just for shock value.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a real philosophy.
[SPEAKER_00]: George's book explores something incredibly powerful.
[SPEAKER_00]: The idea that silence and non-complaint, George shows how eliminating the habit of complaining, gossiping, choosing words with intention,
[SPEAKER_00]: and leaning into mindful silence can help us reprogram how we respond to pain, stress, and even the chaos of everyday life.
[SPEAKER_00]: His method is about breaking patterns, generational ones, neurological ones, and replacing them with presence, clarity, and purpose.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's a conversation about stillness, but it's anything but quiet.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're feeling overwhelmed, reactive, or disconnected from your own center, this might be the episode you didn't know you needed.
[SPEAKER_00]: George reminds us that sometimes the most radical thing we can do is shut the fuck up.
[SPEAKER_00]: So let's get into it.
[SPEAKER_00]: George, welcome my old friend to misunderstood.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so happy to be talking to you again finally.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, me too.
[SPEAKER_01]: Me too.
[SPEAKER_01]: So glad to be here.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are still consistent.
[SPEAKER_00]: You are the one person that every September, eleven.
[SPEAKER_00]: I get a message from you first thing in the morning, you know, regarding, you know, your, your well wishes your thoughts for me and, you know, our relationship goes back so far, but the fact that you do that is something that I always remember and cherish.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I don't know that I've ever told you that, but thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, you're welcome.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you always do wrap me back.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's crazy how we don't talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you know, we we're still tight, but we just we haven't seen each other for a while, but we always have that moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we're both in New York.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a whole nother story.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I'll bring up that story, too, for a second, because we got close, I guess, during that little scandal that I was in, fifteen years ago.
[SPEAKER_00]: And all sorts of videos and photos came out of you walking with me on the street with our other friend, Tim, back and forth, just from the gym or whatever, but you were a witness to how crazy that time in my life was, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, man, I've never seen anything like that with anybody.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just like the whole city was obsessed with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was so wild, so wild.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was, I mean, it was, I, what I don't think people realize is how hard that is.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think there's a lot of people that want to get themselves involved in scandals nowadays or love to be a part of a story.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was a really scary time for me.
[SPEAKER_00]: I felt really alone.
[SPEAKER_00]: I had you and Tim, but I really didn't have anyone else.
[SPEAKER_00]: I didn't know how to navigate through that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And literally there was like fifty paparazzi outside of my house on any given day.
[SPEAKER_00]: Recording and making story that of literally everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I think there was one time where we didn't have the keys to get in.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to jump over.
[SPEAKER_00]: like the side railing to break into my own apartment and everyone got it on video and TMZ put you know a whole thing in there about my ass and the camera and it was just I mean everything was horrifying and terrible and I felt like my life was running and you were really there for me, but I don't think people really realize what that's like to have so many people around them.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I was really glad that you were witness to that for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you know, I'm glad I was able to be there.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, it's kind of crazy to think that, you know, experiences like that, the to the outside, I know it seems very like glamorous and who would have won that attention.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I know that they also have the flip side where you must have felt, you know, just like you didn't have any privacy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it would have, what an interesting, what a crazy experience for sure for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right, and the biggest thing for me is feeling misunderstood because remember, of course, Tim was very good at letting you know all the negatives about it, which show me things on like, you know, the dirty and all these crazy things and bring in the post every day because I was on the cover of the New York Post, like literally every day for ten days straight.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you would be like, oh, my God, you look terrible.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, my God, look what they're saying about you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was terrible on my mental health, you know what I mean, but feeling misunderstood is what I'm getting back to about the fact that everyone had an opinion about me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it wasn't true.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it wasn't something that was my reality.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was so hard to live in that knowing that it would be almost impossible to change people's minds about me.
[SPEAKER_00]: And here we are, fifteen years later, and I've created this platform about people who have been reduced to a headline and been misunderstood because I think it is a universal thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't have to be in the public eye to have felt like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it was something really tragic for me that that
[SPEAKER_00]: to feel that way and to feel so disconnected with people was very difficult for my mental health, I think.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh my God, I'm sure, you know, it is actually Rachel, my chapter one, it's actually called heel faster, health faster, and it really embodies everything you said, you know, it's like, how can we use that most painful event or situation in our life and use it as a catalyst to help?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I think that's what you've done.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, you've wrapped all these experiences and you've metabolized all that pain and you're like, hey, so how could I create something and be a service for people?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: And also something that was a huge part of this scandal, I guess, was the gossip and the talk and all the comments surrounding it, which we're going to get into a second when we talk about your book because that's a huge sort of what you have
[SPEAKER_00]: encapsulated is being wrong with this society, not only that being a, you know, attributing to the stress that people go through and feeling stuck in their lives.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's because they're commenting so much about other people's lives or their own being stuck in the what happened as opposed to moving on and living a better life.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we're going to get into that in a second.
[SPEAKER_00]: But before we do that, I just want to talk about, you know, who you are, so people that are not familiar with you in the book can just understand your credibility behind it.
[SPEAKER_00]: You
[SPEAKER_00]: have done with some grief as well as I have.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so we also, I think, have bonded over that situation.
[SPEAKER_00]: You've lost both parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you talk about that a little bit?
[SPEAKER_00]: How that got you to the place where you wanted to write the book?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, I have been an agent producer for twenty years in LA, but my passion has always been personal development since, you know, I was
[SPEAKER_01]: really young in my teenage years, my mom was really a seeker and we went to India for months and stayed at an astronaut and learned with this guru and then throughout life, this has always been a passion of mine, you know, and but I think it definitely got detonated in in two thousand nineteen, my father died of leukemia and I was a stem cell donor, but the stem cells didn't work because his body was just so compromised.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then three years after my mom died of breast cancer, metastasized that went to her brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: She, like I wrote in the book, she died in my arm, so I feel very blessed that I was able to be there for both of them, but definitely
[SPEAKER_01]: Those two things are what took me down on a rabbit hole in studying epigenetics, which is how we as people metabolize stress and how stress detonates, predisposition disease is like cancer or whatnot.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I did come to the conclusion that my parents' cancer was detonated by the amount of stress that they carried in their lives, their fight or flight.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so my commitment then became okay, so how can I not have that fate, how can my sister not enough just really studying deep and digging into it, this book was formed, which is this book is an attempt and an invitation for people to have less stress in their lives and focusing on shutting the fuck up and really kind of
[SPEAKER_01]: rewiring how we speak because we very innocently activate so much unnecessary stress by just condition ways of talking.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so let's get deeper into that and I'm so sorry about your parents.
[SPEAKER_00]: By the way, it's just I know that feeling I know, you know, look at you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so proud of you because you don't you have just a different energy about you now from when I knew you when we were younger, too, by the way.
[SPEAKER_00]: and you really are managing the stands on your own to feet, but I know how lonely that the feeling of loneliness and I overcome that and you just done so well and I love that you have this book out because it is so helpful and people should read it because it's important because like I said, it changes your life when you change the gossip, the comments that come out of your mouth
[SPEAKER_00]: And it changes how you think about your own self.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what I want to get into that, you start off the book talking about the ten commandments of shot the fuck up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you go into some of them that are really important for people like starting this process and understanding what the book is about?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you know, the book is very simple and it's nature, but it's also very profound and I'm like, okay, so how can we make it really accessible for people whether you're new to kind of stuff those spirituality or you're like a pro, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Commandment number one is, you know, if you're gonna talk shit about someone, don't use their name, use my friend, keep on an remedy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just want people to start thinking of how we very innocently, we assassinate people's characters, even with people in our lives, like if Maria is a friend of ours in common, and I tell you, oh my God, Rachel's just every time I go out with Maria, she's so cheap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like now I'm infecting you with that preconceived notion of our
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe you never were going to experience her as cheap.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe that's my dynamic with Maria.
[SPEAKER_01]: But the minute I tell you to all the sudden now, you look for that behavior, then you come back to me and you're like, George, you're right.
[SPEAKER_01]: She's so cheap.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, how can we take responsibility and not assassinate people's characters, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And also like,
[SPEAKER_01]: Also, you know, be your brother's keeper, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, if I have a dynamic with somebody that I don't like, why am I going to tell you, and then all of a sudden, bring you into possibly having that dynamic?
[SPEAKER_01]: You see what I'm saying is, of course, you take care of my brothers and sisters experiences about life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Instead of just like,
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, finding camaraderie and like, hey, let's have a little laugh over how cheap Maria is and then bring her character down and also your expanding style.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so the commandments are based like that the other one I love command number two, which is like, if you have a problem with if you have any kind of a stress or problem like instead of telling everybody, just pick one person whether that's your best friend in that said.
[SPEAKER_01]: And what I found in my experience also powerful is that when you sit down, like for example, if I go Rachel, you're my only person.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm going to tell you about this issue that I'm having at work.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, and I preface it with that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, there's a special bond between us because you're going to bring in all your listening and you're going to be like, all right, you're going to let's do this.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm your girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: So
[SPEAKER_01]: It creates a woman.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then they're invested in that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, invested in that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you'll think, you know, I had a problem with a friend.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we, we both decided to stop being friends and I, from an intellectual level.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, I understood where she was coming from.
[SPEAKER_01]: She was right.
[SPEAKER_01]: I totally get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I, yeah, I needed to like let it out and tell somebody, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I, I literally called like four friends and I'm like the first one that's gonna call me that will be the one and my friend Carlyna called me and I was like, alright, you're the one and I told her and we cried and it was beautiful and it was just to let it out.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then the three other people call me back and I was like, no, it's all good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I, you know, I get one person I already did.
[SPEAKER_01]: I told them and they're like, really?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, yeah, I'm good man.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm good.
[SPEAKER_01]: So maybe actually think two of how we're always teaching things by our behavior, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Or by what we do?
[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking like, how cool did I, I shared what I do with the people so now they're thinking, maybe I don't need to tell the world when I have a nation.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe I could just pick one person.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, gossip has become the norm.
[SPEAKER_00]: I see a like and I feel like it also makes people think that they are creating a bond with somebody because they're gossiping about somebody that they both don't like or create some sort of thing between them that makes them stronger when in reality it just makes you
[SPEAKER_00]: feel worse.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think in a bad person, kind of.
[SPEAKER_00]: And is there a way, and I know you talked about this in your book to have this like speaking clean, like this way of, you know, to to challenge people to start out not beyond just picking one person, but how do you shut the fuck up?
[SPEAKER_01]: So listen, I think the best way to teach anything is just be be the work, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like for me to I call it the being the shut the fuck up police doesn't really work.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's always like it explodes in my face.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what do I mean by that?
[SPEAKER_01]: You can
[SPEAKER_01]: literally walk into a conversation, Rachel, where two people are having a gossip, a gossip marathon about somebody, and you don't have to join.
[SPEAKER_01]: You could just be like, well, they look at you, they're like, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You literally could say, and I put it in the book, I hear you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I can literally hear words coming out of your mouth.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you don't have to join in and be like, yeah, she's such a bitch.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when she did this to me, you could just nod.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
[SPEAKER_01]: They might think that you're agreeing with them, but you know you're not.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's all that matters.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's what I would say at first.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like start monitoring what you say when they're having those conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't necessarily think that you should judge them in the name of like acceptance even be like, why are you guys gossiping like we have to also be generous with people and people are wired to their best capabilities subconsciously.
[SPEAKER_01]: So like you're right when you're saying this like gossip is such a normalized like
[SPEAKER_01]: ritual that we all have in our society and cultures, you know, and as we go deep, I really dive deep into that.
[SPEAKER_01]: It actually has to do with it's a survival-based conversation.
[SPEAKER_01]: When we look at a class of situation by somebody's like, oh my God, this guy broke up, he got caught cheating.
[SPEAKER_01]: Those are survival-based conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason why we gravitate towards it is because we feel that if we know where the danger is, it's not going to happen to us.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I did that instinctively we like them.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, who doesn't like a good like you know in Spanish we call it cheese man like the cheese fast, you know, but it's up.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a high price that we're paying because people are saying, it's like a drug.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, yeah, a drug feels great.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like a drug feels great when you're doing it, but when you're coming down, you start experiencing that low.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that low has to do with like, you attracting more dollars of conversations about people that you talk and snack about people on eventually blowing up in your face.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you talk about how important it is for you to kind of clean house and pick your friends a little better?
[SPEAKER_00]: Because I also do think that there's something to be said for if you have a friend that you know this is constantly saying, okay, I have something to tell you, but don't say I said this or somebody told me this and you know, I'm not supposed to tell you what I'm going to.
[SPEAKER_00]: It should seem really obvious that if that person is sharing gossip with you, they're going to be sharing your gossip to someone else.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know why we can come into those people?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we're also addicted.
[SPEAKER_00]: I know.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's the thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, we look to the side that we know from our fact that motherfucker is telling everything about your life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because we're so in the trenches of that dynamic, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I talk about it in the book.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had a really good friend that, you know, every time I got together with him, he would tell me everybody secrets.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was just like, dude, like,
[SPEAKER_01]: You're basically telling everybody what I'm sure you're telling everybody what I'm telling you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I addressed it a couple of times I was like, dude, when you're saying this, what do you think that I'm a, what do you think I know for a fact you're doing?
[SPEAKER_01]: He's like, I will never do that about you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, all right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So a couple of things.
[SPEAKER_01]: It just got a little boring after a while because I didn't feel like I could trust them and then so then what we're getting together and I'm not talking about anything juicy, I'm not opening my soul to you because I know that you're telling everybody what I'm doing, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And the other thing is that I just felt that, listen, and I go into it in the book a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think friendships are wonderful, but they also have an expiration date.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's okay too, you know, because they send industry dimensional world, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like we get up.
[SPEAKER_01]: We only have so many hours.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have your daughter.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have your work.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have your friends.
[SPEAKER_01]: You have your own self care.
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't have that much time for like
[SPEAKER_01]: dealing with people that are not aligned with us anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's actually good thing to let them go because then guess what?
[SPEAKER_01]: You're going to make more room for new people to come into your life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And also, by the way, I have so many friends of mine that I love them to death and they can't help that's a conscious addiction of gossiping and you can love them from afar.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you've also talked in your book about, you know, it's important to lean out your life in par ways with the ones you need to.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then sometimes I'm going to get them wording wrong here, but sometimes it's okay to have people in your life that are toxic because it allows you to work on, you know, flex your skills about tuning them out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Explain that a little bit better.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love that you picked up on that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's awesome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So consider this.
[SPEAKER_01]: So everything that let's call everything your environment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like traffic on the four or five is an environment to overcome.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your friend that's always gossiping.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an open it's an environment.
[SPEAKER_01]: So how can you reach or you could tell?
[SPEAKER_01]: get freedom from the environment and be okay with the way it is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I'm sorry, I know that you never want to be in traffic, but you will find yourself in the four or five once in a while.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you've got to put an audio book or you've got to like, you've got to relax, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because you will encounter those things.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I have a friend that he loves to, you know, he said, he's a smacker talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the weeks ago, I was like, you know what, I texted him like, what are you doing?
[SPEAKER_01]: He said, come over.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm having a barbecue and I'm like,
[SPEAKER_01]: And I knew that I was going into battle.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, you know, this is good.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is a moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going to flex my shut the fuck up skills and I'm going to go to your house and I'm going to practice the I hear you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I hear you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, yeah, wow, or like, you know, where and you just wow and and it felt
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it just felt like I was going to a really good workout because now I get to not just not every when when you're talking shit about someone but I get to almost like change the subject I get to to yeah to put in kind of control the conversation and I kept doing it when they would fall into gossip things that would like you know talk about politics I know that's any good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would talk about different things and it worked
[SPEAKER_01]: So I like what you brought up because it's not just about listen, I'm a very eclectic human being.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love people from all types of industry.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love my spiritual people, but I love my entertainment people.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not just gonna like, hang out with all the saints from now on.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love my entertainment people because I also get to really put into work, all these skills that I now have.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I think it's important to
[SPEAKER_01]: purposely in a way, but put yourself in those situations.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then when you walk away from it, Rachel, you're patting yourself in the back and be like, you know what, it was gone to fall around me, but I didn't join in, and that's awesome.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: You talk a lot in your book about how meditation has helped Jill.
[SPEAKER_00]: How did it help you?
[SPEAKER_00]: And why do you think it's important for people?
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So meditation is key.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I really, I'm very sympathetic with people, and I'm like, you're gonna hate me for this.
[SPEAKER_01]: because I think people get, you know, some people can get really triggered by our meditation.
[SPEAKER_01]: So what happens?
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't like it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I feel like I'm going to get Tourette syndrome and I'm going to start yelling or something if I'm back.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why it all my to do lists comes in.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't do it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't focus.
[SPEAKER_00]: Not yet, at least in my life.
[SPEAKER_00]: But that's why I wanted to know why you like it somehow.
[SPEAKER_01]: and going back to even the genesis of why wrote this book is that studies are showing that people are living seventy percent of their lives in fight or flight.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, this is not sustainable for the human body.
[SPEAKER_01]: So almost like think about it this way.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like you're in a lane you're driving two Las Vegas on second year the whole time.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's, you're gonna burn the engine down.
[SPEAKER_01]: So how do we get out of fight or flight and come to a more like a balanced state of mind, meditation, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: And the reason why in the book, I say, you wanna do it either in the morning, right when you wake up or right before bed, it's because your brain is in theta.
[SPEAKER_01]: When your brain is in theta state, you're highly suggestible.
[SPEAKER_01]: Think about it like you're going into the hardware of the computer and that's where you're doing the reprogramming.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this Rachel,
[SPEAKER_01]: You can do five minutes.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can't do five minutes of meditation.
[SPEAKER_00]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Tell people five minutes gone.
[SPEAKER_01]: You to get a guy.
[SPEAKER_01]: You won't get like the sound of like a river or a lake or just nature, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Do five minutes Rachel, you're not going to delete.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this is what happens when you do that.
[SPEAKER_00]: But is it is it about turning your brain off completely and trying to literally not think of anything or your like I sort of don't get it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so what it is, it's you're introducing a new way of being into your brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your brain is like, look, you wake up in the morning and I'm sure you're thinking about the podcasts, your kid, what are you doing?
[SPEAKER_01]: The gym, the, you, your brain.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're going to quiet your brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's to quiet your brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: So then now your brain is set of recycling, seventy thousand stressful thoughts like it does every day because that human brain is so freaking effective that it what it's doing is just recycling old thoughts all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: When you when you meditate, you're introducing new thoughts and new ways new brain patterns.
[SPEAKER_01]: So guess what?
[SPEAKER_01]: Somebody clutch your off and traffic Rachel, you notice that you don't get your like
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, you need to think, Oh, my God, this poor guy was probably running late for work or like, Oh, my God, this poor lady.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if person's in the hospital.
[SPEAKER_01]: You see what I said, but you don't have access to that if you don't condition it with a meditation, you go back to your your automatic way of like this mother.
[SPEAKER_01]: The meditation is what re-aligned your state of being.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you're going to, so that's why I say it's a really important part of the shuttle to welcome method.
[SPEAKER_01]: You need to meditate so you then you can have almost like matrix like slowing down.
[SPEAKER_01]: You can see yourself not being reactant.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So something that I read in your book, you said there was a statistics.
[SPEAKER_00]: The conscious mind runs ninety-five percent of what happens to us.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you talk a little bit about that?
[SPEAKER_00]: Sure.
[SPEAKER_00]: So yeah, God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically, this subconscious mind is your habits, you're the way that you've been ever done.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, you know how you get into a car.
[SPEAKER_01]: Remember the first time you got into a car, you were like, oh my god, the student will be able to drive like, and now what?
[SPEAKER_01]: Now you can drive and you can be on the phone, you can be on TikTok, you can be, you don't even think about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So our subconscious mind, which is actually in our body, is the one that dictates everything that we do.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is why we keep doing the things that we do the same way.
[SPEAKER_01]: Our conscious mind, which is what you and I are having, is only five percent, meaning that at the end of the day, your subconscious mind is going to end up doing what it does.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this means nothing, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like the same reason.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, oh my god, I'm gonna go on a diet.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not gonna eat anymore pizza.
[SPEAKER_01]: And in the next morning, your body's like, nah, that's start tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: So the only way to require this subconscious mind is through meditation.
[SPEAKER_00]: And how important is what we're telling ourselves?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, is that different than manifestation?
[SPEAKER_00]: Speak about like your voice to yourself and how that's important to get through the day and to be stressed yourself.
[SPEAKER_01]: So here's the thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I,
[SPEAKER_01]: This should the fog ometh it is not repression.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's mindfulness.
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, so I want you to think about it like almost like, you know, you're a pretty stick girl.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think about it like when you're an a diet or in a fast, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you when you're fasting when you're an a diet and you're picking your friend out about a pizza party, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't walk into a pizza party.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're like, oh my God, why am I repressing myself from pizza?
[SPEAKER_01]: No, you're intimate with your goal, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Your goal is fitness.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, same thing with how we talk about others and how we talk about ourselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, what if you start using that willpower, let's say in some areas of your life, to eat healthy, want to choose speak healthy, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: What if you monitored, you didn't talk smack about people, the more that you stop talking bad about people, the more that you're going to stop talking bad about yourself.
[SPEAKER_00]: This goes back.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I was telling you, when I walk into a conversation and somebody's talking shit about people, now I don't get mad at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: I actually feel compassion because you know what, when everybody leaves that room with that person's by themselves, they go ham on themselves.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, so you're actually, you gotta start speaking clean for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're gonna get, they're almost like the collateral damage benefit of it, but you're the one that's kind of benefit from it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the kinder you are to them, the kinder that you will be to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: One thing that I made a note of when I was looking at your book, chaos.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's part of the process.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I think what people forget is like, this isn't just gonna happen overnight and lives are chaotic.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's what, you know, there's a lot of chaos going on.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, do you think it's important for people to know that it's okay to have some chaos going on?
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't mean you're not following this less stressed life?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what are your thoughts on chaos?
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think that I love all the things that you're bringing on the sun.
[SPEAKER_01]: So basically, and I bring it down to the biggest chaos in the world, which was the Big Bang, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Out of the Big Bang, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: That huge explosion, the universe was created, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So then I bring that down to like, if you look at a jar with cells on a microscope, you're going to see bacteria fighting, there's chaos, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And out of that, fighting raw bacteria, a cell will be born.
[SPEAKER_01]: out of that cell, and an organ will be born.
[SPEAKER_01]: Out of that organ, a body part will be born and out of that, a human was born.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when I'm trying to say it's out of chaos, came order, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's bring it to an everyday example.
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about you renovating your home.
[SPEAKER_01]: If you walk into the middle of a renovation, you look at everything, you're like, oh, my God, the floor is coming off the ceiling, but out of that chaos,
[SPEAKER_01]: your brand new home is going to come out of.
[SPEAKER_01]: So chaos is part of the process, you know, again, I'm not condoning the war.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not condoning things, but how can we narrate chaos in a way that it's a lot more gentler for us, you know, and I go deep into saying this and what if
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I do work with Hollywood food college.
[SPEAKER_01]: We feed the homeless in LA, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm there once a week for a couple of hours feeding the homeless.
[SPEAKER_01]: If I'm looking at the homeless people and I'm going, oh my God, these guys are locked and the LA is going to down for hell and all this stuff.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I choose the narrative to say, you know what?
[SPEAKER_01]: These are people that are trying the best that they can and because of what?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because then being homeless, I get to be the best part of myself, which is somebody that helps.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I need that help.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wouldn't be able to be the best of me, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like, how can we switch the narrative of that chaos and be like, this is part of the order?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, I know we're looking at gas and all that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I've been, of course, that's still as horrible, but man, maybe there is some order that is being created behind the scenes.
[SPEAKER_01]: So, you know, the new Peace Cook on at some point.
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course, no one wants anyone to die, but do you see what I'm saying?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, of course, of course.
[SPEAKER_00]: So for people that are listening and are going to get your book, haven't maybe gotten it yet, give us a few tips and tricks that you would say stand out to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And essentially, it's about making yourself the better person, I think.
[SPEAKER_00]: But, you know, what are your tips and tricks that really stood out from writing this books, from doing some research and from going through it in your everyday life?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what, the more that you start speaking clean about others.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is where I say, it's almost like willpower, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like you, you're not everyone's having pizza and you're like, you're thinking about that summer body and your boy.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, I'm not going to do it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know what it means.
[SPEAKER_01]: So
[SPEAKER_01]: I think the more that we get into the habit of speaking clean and watch what we say.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's almost like a crack in the wall, Rachel.
[SPEAKER_01]: It starts to grow and you're going to start seeing that it's like the greatest rabbit hole because every nose is going to feel like a yes, your refractory period.
[SPEAKER_01]: What I mean by refractory is like your time of being upset with anything.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's going to shorten.
[SPEAKER_01]: comes down to how you talk about yourself and others.
[SPEAKER_01]: So just monitor, if you walk away with anything from this book, watch what you say and not that you want to put up with people or situations that you don't like, but you could instead of telling ten people you could tell one person, if you have an issue with somebody, you go straight to the source, you know what I mean?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just clean up how what your conversations are about your life and also
[SPEAKER_01]: Another thing that I talked about in the book that I think it's so powerful, listen.
[SPEAKER_01]: This goes like really deep into quantum physics, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Because when we observe something, we actually, we make it be what it is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like when we call it out, like if you meet someone, you go, that girl's a bitch.
[SPEAKER_01]: You locked in her protocol, so then she has to prove you right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So whatever you think and you believe, you're gonna end up being right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's not something that you want,
[SPEAKER_01]: commit yourself to being wrong about what you think.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well also I guess my next question then would be about how could you interact in situations where you're in a tense situations like with your boss or whatever and normally it would be to become bad.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean I think it's pretty obvious that the message here is just to be more compassionate and pathetic maybe when you're trying to have and when you're in an argument with somebody maybe think more about where they're coming from as opposed to being worried about being heard.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think there's a different message there too about how not just you're talking about other people and putting complaining out there, but when you're in situations that you need to communicate better, it might be good to take a step back and be empathetic with who you're in an argument with.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, I think it all kind of works in cohesiveness because that you do your five minute meditation ratio, the more that you're going to have less of a knee jerk reaction to being right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So when you're expressing themselves, it's almost like something in you and mainly in you's going to activate and you're going to be like, you know what, this is a point of view and he just wants to be heard.
[SPEAKER_01]: You don't have to agree, but people be heard.
[SPEAKER_01]: At least in most of the time, we just want to be heard.
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't really need for you to act on what we're saying, just give us the space to be heard.
[SPEAKER_01]: But most of the time, we're acting so out of survival, reactive.
[SPEAKER_01]: We don't even let you finish because we're thinking already of all the things we have to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: But what if you just let that person speak and let them be heard?
[SPEAKER_01]: One of the advantages, like listen twice as much as you speak, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like,
[SPEAKER_01]: How can you bring up a behavior of listening and not just wait for your chance to talk?
[SPEAKER_00]: So now that people, let's say you were listening, are following the shut the fuck up method, what would you say is, I don't want to use the word, follow up.
[SPEAKER_00]: But what are the results that people will get?
[SPEAKER_00]: And they'll start to see in terms of relationships with others, with themselves, physically, what do you predict for people if they follow this method?
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's a funny, I used to get so much pleasure out of getting my way, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Let's say like getting that job, getting that guy, I get whatever it is, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: Getting, getting, getting all my goals and that I have my, on my checklist.
[SPEAKER_01]: But now Rachel, I get more pleasure out of not getting what I want and see who I am in that moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm, thanks feel that trust of, you know, a business appointment canceled or or a friend day with a friend or whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, hey, I have to reschedule.
[SPEAKER_01]: I noticed that I just feel like actually the unknown brings me more excitement than what I thought was going to happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?
[SPEAKER_01]: Last week, last Tuesday I was supposed to have lunch with a friend.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know where the friend I just came back from traveling and he canceled in a better way.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: And right away, another friend, Tommy's like, hey, do you want to go to Bird Street tonight for dinner?
[SPEAKER_01]: It's this restaurant in LA that I haven't gone to yet.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, oh, yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then I had the most amazing dinner.
[SPEAKER_01]: But you see, you start becoming so much more trusting of the unknown.
[SPEAKER_01]: And every no starts to feel like I, yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: So once you start this process, it's just that such a powerful rabbit hole of just
[SPEAKER_01]: trusting the universe, nothing affects you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Listen, you're not running anymore by the five senses that I smell touch field taste.
[SPEAKER_01]: You still want your pleasures in life, but they're not the one that they don't have you choke hold into the wall anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: You start feeling like almost like your emotional autonomy.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're emotionally independent of what goes on in your life.
[SPEAKER_01]: doesn't really take away your piece.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like we're not in like this roller coaster anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your boss was nice.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your boss with me and your side.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your kid was even a good mood that you're happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Your kid was you're actually like ninety percent of how you feel.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's on messable.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you can fluctuate ten percent up or down, but this ninety percent is solid.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your happiness is not determined by somebody else's actions.
[SPEAKER_01]: by any external sources.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what are external sources?
[SPEAKER_01]: The money in our bank are physical health, believe it or not, is for the source.
[SPEAKER_01]: I work with people that have ALS and MS and Rachel, like the amount of peace that you have to get.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we're so blessed here.
[SPEAKER_01]: Look at us.
[SPEAKER_01]: You and me are thriving, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: But we can still go into a rabbit hole.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like, why don't I have this thing?
[SPEAKER_01]: Why am I not right?
[SPEAKER_01]: But when you work with people that have ALS and these people are just like, bro, I just want to be able to move my arm.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you think,
[SPEAKER_01]: But even then, right, the ones that do the work get to a place where they're like, it's okay.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not supposed to move my arms.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what, millions of people will kill to be in my situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you start becoming a lot more like an innate perspective of your life kicks in.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I did read that in something that you wrote about how you've talked to people that feel more free in the new body that they're in, as opposed to when they were held, quote unquote.
[SPEAKER_00]: That reminds that has changed so much that they feel like a more free and happy person because they can appreciate what they do have and they're starting to see life differently, which was really mind blowing when I read that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was this guy that I was helping with ALS who, you know, it's a disease that starts to inhibit your motor skills, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And he told me and he meant that he's like, I feel more at peace now than when I had full body control and I was depressed because he's so ingratitude about his life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm telling you, and this is, and I want people to know this.
[SPEAKER_01]: A lot of those diseases, ALS, MS Parkinson's, they get detonated by our emotional stress.
[SPEAKER_01]: So this guy with ALS, he's a regular guy, my age, that he got so stressed out about his life and he even told me he's like, dude, I know why this happened to me because every time I had an issue with people, I would tell everyone and then I had to manage all those conversations.
[SPEAKER_01]: So let's
[SPEAKER_01]: you have a problem with your acts and you tell all your friends and then you decide to get back with the act but then your friend is like hey so whatever happened with them and you're like oh you know I forgive them and then she's like oh Rachel you know what I mean like we have to be responsible that we we need all these conversations and we have to manage them right
[SPEAKER_00]: By now, I agree with you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then you get back with the acts and all your friends, Hado, and then you're like, no, no, no, no, no.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sally, he changed and they're like, no, he's a fucking dick.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it's like, before you open your big fat mouth and start talking smack about your accent, you might get back with that person.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: I agree.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I know you've talked about living in the moment and not getting hijacked by our future and always worrying about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to quickly ask you, what are you looking forward to in your present or like, what are you doing right now in your present?
[SPEAKER_00]: That makes you happy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, my God.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let me tell you something.
[SPEAKER_01]: I
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I'm super excited about this book.
[SPEAKER_01]: And to me, like what really, you know, this other woman with the ALS, on the other day, I go into a lot of these retreats, by the way, I can't speak high or enough about Dr. Joe dispenser.
[SPEAKER_01]: He does his meditation, really treats all over the world, and they balance out your, they reprogram your subconscious mind, and all people go there that have ALS for a mess.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I met this woman that, just when I was reading the book and she has a lesson, she called me and she was like, I, this book has given me so much peace and so.
[SPEAKER_01]: So right now I'm just so excited about getting it out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm so, I'm so grateful to you that you wanted me to come to your show because the more people that find that about this and I made it in such a way that's so easily digestible.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you've been reading it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like, I take it from baby steps all the way to your PhD Black Diamond Mountain.
[SPEAKER_01]: I take, I go to Quanton, but I bring it to like your best friend and how she won't stop talking shit about you.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's all connected because we're all energy, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just really excited of putting this thing out there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Once they, I'm dealing with my family to come to meet and taking my sister, my niece, my stepmom, and you know, my stepmom, she still kind of,
[SPEAKER_01]: hurting a bit from my dad's passing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm taking her on a vacation.
[SPEAKER_01]: I think it's going to be a lot of healing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm just so present to the miracle of my moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: Like if we all really honed it into what a gift it is to have this moment, which is the only thing that's guaranteed.
[SPEAKER_01]: I talk about this.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like for as much as we have all these goals.
[SPEAKER_01]: And yeah, what's your five-year plan?
[SPEAKER_01]: What you will?
[SPEAKER_01]: What's your one-day plan, you know?
[SPEAKER_01]: Like how many people got hit by a truck?
[SPEAKER_01]: And then
[SPEAKER_01]: Forget all that stuff without the windows.
[SPEAKER_01]: So how can we cultivate a life where we could just be so grateful for this moment and yet excited about life in general?
[SPEAKER_00]: I think your book is fantastic.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone should read it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think it's really important, especially in the culture that we're having today in what we're all going through with the politics in America right now as well.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone has something to say about someone else.
[SPEAKER_00]: No one is listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: No one is listening to other people's opinions and respecting them.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone is gossiping.
[SPEAKER_00]: I think your book
[SPEAKER_00]: Already, as you told me, as a huge hit, but can be, you know, something that is a staple for people to become a better person to learn how or to remind themselves how to be a little bit more empathetic.
[SPEAKER_00]: Everyone should read it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's called The Shut the Fuck Up Method.
[SPEAKER_00]: Tell people where they can get it right now.
[SPEAKER_01]: They can get on Amazon.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's been the number one best seller for personal development for the last two weeks has came out.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm so grateful and I'm like Amazon's just a literally like you order it today.
[SPEAKER_01]: You get it in two days.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's like it's like it's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: I got it the next day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you guys it's not you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did the audiobook two by the way.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if you want to hear my voice, it's me.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, amazing.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh my God, I'm so much so much so much so fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Well, I appreciate you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can't wait to see you in person and catch up with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: You're the best.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love the transformation and I love that you have these words of wisdom because it's not like it's anything new, but in the way you say it is so powerful and it's like a wake-up call.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's like wait.
[SPEAKER_00]: Why haven't we been doing this?
[SPEAKER_00]: But it does it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, it starts with yourself, but it would be great for everyone to pass this message on to people because the more you can spread it, then it catches on like wildfire fire and everyone can behave a little bit better.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you started.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for doing this show.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you for getting this message out.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I, I'm very proud of you.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope the book does really well.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love you.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, thank you so much.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening to Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please be sure to subscribe to the show and give us a five-star rating and review.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can support the show by joining our Patreon at Patreon.com slash Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood with Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have ideas for the show or want to reach out email us at info, Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood podcast at gmail.com that's spelled MISS understood?
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much and I'll see you next time.