398 | CCPT Mythbusters: The Child Has to Talk About It
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this episode of the CCPT Mythbusters series, I tackle the belief that "play therapy isn't enough" unless children verbally talk about their problems. I explain why this myth is rooted in adulthood bias and the false assumption that children process experiences cognitively and verbally the way adults do. In reality, children are experiential and emotional beings who naturally work through their world through play. Talking is not required for healing to occur, and in many cases, insisting that children verbally discuss something actually interferes with their process.
I also discuss why words themselves are not the source of therapeutic change in CCPT. Children do not even need to speak in the playroom—or share the same language as the therapist—for meaningful healing to happen. Through relationship, environment, emotional attunement, and trust in the child's process, children reveal exactly what they need to work through. This episode is a powerful reminder that our role is not to direct, interrogate, or force insight, but to faithfully provide the conditions that allow children to self-actualize in their own way and in their own time.
Join me for our LIVE 400th Episode! Register by clicking the following link to join me LIVE on a Zoom call on May 28, 2026 12:00 PM EST. (please note the time zone) www.playtherapypodcast.com/400
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If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Landreth, G.L., & Bratton, S.C. (2019). Child-Parent Relationship Therapy (CPRT): An Evidence-Based 10-Session Filial Therapy Model (2nd ed.). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315537948 Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
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0 00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:04,280 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks, 1 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,239 your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:08,720 Hi, 3 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:09,840 I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, 4 00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:10,630 The Kid Counselor. 5 00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:12,750 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get 6 00:00:12,750 --> 00:00:15,140 a master class in child-centered play therapy 7 00:00:15,359 --> 00:00:17,639 and practical support and application for your 8 00:00:17,639 --> 00:00:19,260 work with children and their families. 9 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:20,600 In today's episode, 10 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:22,819 we are continuing myth busting. 11 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,139 And today, 12 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:26,020 the myth we're busting is 13 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,600 The child's not going to get better if they don't talk about this. 14 00:00:32,020 --> 00:00:32,380 So, 15 00:00:32,389 --> 00:00:34,130 the myth essentially is that 16 00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:36,000 play therapy isn't enough. 17 00:00:36,790 --> 00:00:39,490 And talking is somehow a necessity. 18 00:00:39,750 --> 00:00:40,869 So that's what we're gonna dive into. 19 00:00:40,990 --> 00:00:41,590 However, 20 00:00:41,990 --> 00:00:42,630 y'all, 21 00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:46,250 we only have 1 week until the 400th episode. 22 00:00:46,919 --> 00:00:49,459 And we still have spots on 23 00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:50,939 the live 24 00:00:51,069 --> 00:00:51,470 event. 25 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:52,299 So, 26 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,340 only one podcast next week. 27 00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:54,520 When, 28 00:00:54,639 --> 00:00:56,919 when a podcast doesn't drop on Tuesday, 29 00:00:57,080 --> 00:00:58,750 don't be alarmed and email me and say, 30 00:00:58,799 --> 00:00:59,299 are you sick? 31 00:00:59,360 --> 00:00:59,959 Are you OK? 32 00:01:00,029 --> 00:01:00,529 Are you dead? 33 00:01:00,639 --> 00:01:01,259 Whatever. 34 00:01:01,709 --> 00:01:03,099 We're only having one next week 35 00:01:03,479 --> 00:01:04,550 and it's on Thursday, 36 00:01:04,638 --> 00:01:06,419 so there will not be a Tuesday podcast. 37 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:07,860 By the way, 38 00:01:08,110 --> 00:01:09,889 don't think that I'm saying that flippantly. 39 00:01:09,989 --> 00:01:13,540 When you all reach out because I don't drop a podcast on my normal 40 00:01:13,650 --> 00:01:14,819 Tuesdays and Thursdays. 41 00:01:15,339 --> 00:01:18,930 I always appreciate that you all look forward to it and you're checking in on me. 42 00:01:19,010 --> 00:01:21,370 So I really do appreciate it even though I'm laughing. 43 00:01:22,110 --> 00:01:24,230 But don't do that next week is the moral of the story because 44 00:01:24,230 --> 00:01:28,050 we're only doing one podcast and it's on Thursday at 12 Eastern. 45 00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:29,260 So, 46 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:29,870 my time, 47 00:01:29,980 --> 00:01:30,550 Florida time, 48 00:01:30,629 --> 00:01:31,150 Eastern time, 49 00:01:31,230 --> 00:01:31,930 12. 50 00:01:32,430 --> 00:01:33,309 Enrollment 51 00:01:33,589 --> 00:01:33,930 is, 52 00:01:34,059 --> 00:01:34,779 or not enrollment, 53 00:01:34,809 --> 00:01:35,069 I suppose, 54 00:01:35,190 --> 00:01:37,209 res uh reservations are 55 00:01:37,550 --> 00:01:38,410 open right now. 56 00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:39,680 And 57 00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:42,540 go to the show notes if you want to get 58 00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,650 a link for that call. 59 00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:47,980 We're gonna do a Q&A and I'm gonna talk for a little bit and 60 00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:50,540 I'm gonna do some giveaways and it's gonna be a lot of fun. 61 00:01:50,660 --> 00:01:51,980 I have some things to announce. 62 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:52,650 So, 63 00:01:53,220 --> 00:01:53,529 anyway, 64 00:01:53,779 --> 00:01:55,440 come hang out with me if you can, 65 00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:56,400 120 66 00:01:56,620 --> 00:01:57,040 Eastern, 67 00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:57,779 next Thursday, 68 00:01:57,849 --> 00:01:58,839 the 28th 69 00:01:59,379 --> 00:02:01,959 for our live 400th episode event. 70 00:02:02,339 --> 00:02:02,730 OK. 71 00:02:02,940 --> 00:02:03,339 Also, 72 00:02:03,459 --> 00:02:05,760 enrollment's open for play therapy professional. 73 00:02:06,489 --> 00:02:07,489 I know I said that last time. 74 00:02:07,569 --> 00:02:09,210 So there's a link for that in the show notes too. 75 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:09,710 Just, 76 00:02:09,770 --> 00:02:11,649 I didn't want you to get confused when I said enrollment. 77 00:02:11,729 --> 00:02:12,050 So 78 00:02:12,289 --> 00:02:14,710 might as well say enrollments for PT Pros open as well. 79 00:02:14,970 --> 00:02:15,429 All right, 80 00:02:15,729 --> 00:02:17,270 so let's talk about 81 00:02:17,490 --> 00:02:18,509 this myth here. 82 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:21,389 That play therapy is not enough. 83 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:24,139 You have to talk about whatever. 84 00:02:24,649 --> 00:02:24,850 All right, 85 00:02:24,970 --> 00:02:26,059 first and foremost, 86 00:02:26,970 --> 00:02:28,199 That is predicated 87 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:29,619 on adulthood bias. 88 00:02:31,539 --> 00:02:32,410 And 89 00:02:32,699 --> 00:02:35,199 the notion that children are going to talk, 90 00:02:35,339 --> 00:02:36,399 that they want to talk, 91 00:02:36,539 --> 00:02:38,110 that they feel comfortable talking. 92 00:02:38,820 --> 00:02:40,199 It's so skewed. 93 00:02:41,070 --> 00:02:42,710 Toward the rational and the cognitive. 94 00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:45,529 And kids are neither of those things. 95 00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:46,619 So, 96 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:48,449 this notion that 97 00:02:48,669 --> 00:02:52,089 they have to talk because that's the only way they're going to be able to 98 00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,669 sort through something. 99 00:02:54,529 --> 00:02:56,750 Its premise is flawed. 100 00:02:58,089 --> 00:02:58,910 Then, 101 00:02:59,330 --> 00:03:00,350 the idea 102 00:03:00,490 --> 00:03:01,229 that 103 00:03:01,889 --> 00:03:05,320 play therapy is not enough because it doesn't involve anything else. 104 00:03:05,610 --> 00:03:09,029 Play is the child's natural way of making sense of the world. 105 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:11,610 Watch babies, 106 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:12,899 watch toddlers, 107 00:03:13,279 --> 00:03:14,059 watch children, 108 00:03:14,839 --> 00:03:16,100 even older kids, 109 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,419 up to 12. 110 00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,089 They are going to play, 111 00:03:20,289 --> 00:03:21,559 and when they do, 112 00:03:21,929 --> 00:03:24,630 you will see them working out real life stuff. 113 00:03:25,669 --> 00:03:28,740 That is their natural way of understanding the world 114 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:31,699 and processing things that they need to sort out. 115 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:33,550 So, 116 00:03:33,559 --> 00:03:35,229 we have adulthood bias getting in the way, 117 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:37,220 thinking that talking is required. 118 00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:39,020 We have this 119 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:39,919 myth 120 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,820 that children are naturally going to play because that is exactly how 121 00:03:44,990 --> 00:03:46,360 they are in their natural state. 122 00:03:46,460 --> 00:03:47,539 They're experiential 123 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,649 and they're emotional. 124 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,009 They live in the here and now, 125 00:03:51,550 --> 00:03:52,089 and 126 00:03:52,229 --> 00:03:54,729 they don't have the verbal capacity 127 00:03:55,149 --> 00:03:58,330 nor the intellectual cognitive rational capacities. 128 00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:00,089 To 129 00:04:00,910 --> 00:04:02,089 process any other way. 130 00:04:03,089 --> 00:04:07,669 Then add in the layer that we know it's an unpublished research study at the moment, 131 00:04:08,009 --> 00:04:08,470 but 132 00:04:09,149 --> 00:04:10,369 Unpublished doesn't mean 133 00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:11,089 that 134 00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:13,289 it already hasn't been proven true. 135 00:04:14,369 --> 00:04:15,190 We know 136 00:04:15,410 --> 00:04:16,079 that 137 00:04:16,410 --> 00:04:18,190 the language barrier. 138 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:20,440 That would occur in 139 00:04:21,488 --> 00:04:22,480 normal talk therapy. 140 00:04:24,019 --> 00:04:26,220 Does not occur in child-centered play therapy. 141 00:04:27,049 --> 00:04:29,489 Because we know that the therapy, 142 00:04:29,570 --> 00:04:30,570 the CCPT 143 00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,709 and the child do not have to speak the same language, 144 00:04:33,809 --> 00:04:36,149 and CCPT still has the same gains. 145 00:04:37,589 --> 00:04:39,589 I coach international participants. 146 00:04:39,630 --> 00:04:41,290 I'm sure most of y'all know that by now. 147 00:04:41,750 --> 00:04:45,269 And I have watched so many play sessions in other languages. 148 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:46,410 Now, 149 00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,980 I'm conversationally fluent in Spanish. 150 00:04:48,059 --> 00:04:49,940 That's a whole different story because I understand 151 00:04:49,940 --> 00:04:51,529 what's going on in my Spanish sessions. 152 00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:52,869 I'm talking about 153 00:04:53,059 --> 00:04:55,179 I've watched them in Estonian and I've watched 154 00:04:55,179 --> 00:04:57,640 them in Yiddish and I've watched them in Afrikaans 155 00:04:57,779 --> 00:04:59,799 and I've watched them in Slovenian 156 00:04:59,899 --> 00:05:00,239 and 157 00:05:00,529 --> 00:05:00,540 I, 158 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:05,160 I have seen all kinds of other sessions that I pick up. 159 00:05:06,049 --> 00:05:06,720 Fractions. 160 00:05:06,799 --> 00:05:07,350 I mean, 161 00:05:07,679 --> 00:05:09,380 because there's cognate sometimes 162 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:09,869 and I'm like, 163 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:10,079 oh, 164 00:05:10,119 --> 00:05:11,359 I think that was that word. 165 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:13,869 Or every once in a while they'll throw an English word in and I'm like, 166 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:14,070 oh, 167 00:05:14,119 --> 00:05:14,589 look at that. 168 00:05:14,839 --> 00:05:15,880 But for the most part, 169 00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,700 I honestly don't know what is being said. 170 00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:20,640 But you wanna know what's 171 00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:24,190 my favorite part of watching sessions in other languages? 172 00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,079 I watched them ahead of time. 173 00:05:26,980 --> 00:05:28,880 When no one's around to translate for me 174 00:05:29,420 --> 00:05:30,779 before I get on the coaching call, 175 00:05:30,890 --> 00:05:32,809 and I have time stamps queued 176 00:05:33,299 --> 00:05:35,440 because I know that a moment was significant. 177 00:05:35,980 --> 00:05:38,920 I know that there was something that went on that was powerful there. 178 00:05:39,119 --> 00:05:41,480 I can tell the emotion that was wrapped up in that 179 00:05:41,899 --> 00:05:43,339 in context of what's happening. 180 00:05:43,420 --> 00:05:45,079 I have a sense of what went on there. 181 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:45,609 I can go, 182 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:45,809 Oh, 183 00:05:45,859 --> 00:05:47,100 I think that was a choice given. 184 00:05:47,299 --> 00:05:47,420 Oh, 185 00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:48,790 I think that was a limit set. 186 00:05:48,940 --> 00:05:49,170 Why? 187 00:05:49,339 --> 00:05:51,779 Because I'm just observing what's going on. 188 00:05:51,820 --> 00:05:53,359 I don't need to understand the words. 189 00:05:54,679 --> 00:05:55,220 So, 190 00:05:55,920 --> 00:05:57,989 when I actually cue those on the call, 191 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,100 and then I have the person that speaks that language translate for me. 192 00:06:02,010 --> 00:06:04,649 It's one of the coolest moments when everyone's like, 193 00:06:04,940 --> 00:06:05,220 whoa, 194 00:06:05,299 --> 00:06:06,809 like that was a significant moment, 195 00:06:06,859 --> 00:06:07,760 you can tell. 196 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:10,239 The words are not what gives it away. 197 00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:12,859 It's all the rest of it that gives it away. 198 00:06:14,359 --> 00:06:14,929 So, 199 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,459 that's another reason why talk 200 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:18,420 is not 201 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:20,589 a necessity for our sessions. 202 00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:23,660 We also know that a child does not have to utter one word 203 00:06:24,239 --> 00:06:25,140 in the playroom 204 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:26,760 for CCPT to work. 205 00:06:27,989 --> 00:06:29,230 And boy does that 206 00:06:29,670 --> 00:06:30,750 get in our craw. 207 00:06:31,190 --> 00:06:31,429 That's a, 208 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,299 that's a Southern phrase, 209 00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:32,670 sorry. 210 00:06:32,910 --> 00:06:34,209 That really irritates us 211 00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:35,170 when 212 00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:36,390 not all of us, 213 00:06:36,470 --> 00:06:36,950 some of us, 214 00:06:37,109 --> 00:06:37,510 that's like, 215 00:06:37,589 --> 00:06:39,149 that's an Achilles' heel for some of us. 216 00:06:39,230 --> 00:06:40,049 Oh my word. 217 00:06:40,630 --> 00:06:43,369 You have a kid that comes in and doesn't say anything. 218 00:06:43,989 --> 00:06:44,510 Oh, 219 00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:46,730 CCPTs come unglued. 220 00:06:47,350 --> 00:06:48,250 Why do we do that? 221 00:06:49,119 --> 00:06:49,130 Because 222 00:06:49,369 --> 00:06:50,670 of adulthood bias, 223 00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,390 and we think that kids have to talk. 224 00:06:54,170 --> 00:06:54,769 They don't. 225 00:06:55,859 --> 00:06:57,570 I've had kids not say a word 226 00:06:57,670 --> 00:06:58,410 the entire 227 00:06:58,950 --> 00:06:59,829 course of treatment. 228 00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:03,239 Months of sessions 229 00:07:03,700 --> 00:07:05,239 never say a word in their play. 230 00:07:07,079 --> 00:07:07,640 And 231 00:07:07,809 --> 00:07:08,890 guess what parents reported, 232 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:10,369 Guess what teachers reported. 233 00:07:10,609 --> 00:07:13,000 Guess what every other person in their life reported? 234 00:07:13,489 --> 00:07:14,190 Oh my gosh, 235 00:07:14,290 --> 00:07:15,549 he's like a different kid. 236 00:07:16,070 --> 00:07:17,950 It has absolutely transformed 237 00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:22,290 his behavior and his attitude and his confidence and so and so. 238 00:07:22,850 --> 00:07:23,989 Didn't say a word to me. 239 00:07:25,359 --> 00:07:27,779 I know a lot of us have worked with selectively mute children. 240 00:07:28,859 --> 00:07:29,040 The, 241 00:07:29,089 --> 00:07:31,320 the boy I was talking about in the first example, 242 00:07:31,589 --> 00:07:32,679 he was not selectively mute. 243 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,459 He just literally didn't feel compelled to say a word when he played. 244 00:07:35,559 --> 00:07:37,179 He played in silence because he chose to. 245 00:07:37,799 --> 00:07:39,559 He would talk to me on the way back to the playroom 246 00:07:39,559 --> 00:07:41,510 and on the way out of the playroom and in the lobby, 247 00:07:41,799 --> 00:07:44,299 but then he wouldn't say a word when he got in the sessions. 248 00:07:44,929 --> 00:07:46,459 Then you have selectively mute children 249 00:07:46,839 --> 00:07:47,220 that 250 00:07:47,399 --> 00:07:49,920 their anxiety is so unmanageable and so high, 251 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,500 they don't say a word because they feel like they can't. 252 00:07:53,980 --> 00:07:55,760 And what's always the agenda, 253 00:07:56,329 --> 00:07:56,739 always, 254 00:07:56,779 --> 00:07:57,519 always, 255 00:07:57,940 --> 00:07:59,329 my kid needs to talk. 256 00:07:59,859 --> 00:08:00,329 No, 257 00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,660 your kid doesn't need to talk, 258 00:08:01,739 --> 00:08:02,579 not in the playroom. 259 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,320 And we're not putting a band-aid on a gaping wound either. 260 00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:08,429 So we're not going to address the selective mutism, 261 00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:09,799 we're going to address the anxiety, 262 00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:10,519 but 263 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,239 we're not going to do anything to address that. 264 00:08:12,320 --> 00:08:15,559 We're going to create the conditions that allow for the child to work through that 265 00:08:15,859 --> 00:08:17,100 relationship and environment. 266 00:08:17,429 --> 00:08:18,179 That's our job. 267 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:21,540 Trust the process 268 00:08:21,649 --> 00:08:24,070 is trusting in the conditions 269 00:08:24,290 --> 00:08:25,869 that allow the child to heal. 270 00:08:26,329 --> 00:08:26,660 So, 271 00:08:26,769 --> 00:08:28,630 I need to make sure the relationship 272 00:08:28,859 --> 00:08:29,670 is prioritized. 273 00:08:29,730 --> 00:08:31,380 I need to make sure the environment 274 00:08:31,730 --> 00:08:32,590 is appropriate. 275 00:08:33,558 --> 00:08:36,260 And then I have to trust that the child knows what they need to work on. 276 00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:39,109 But notice that in both of these examples, 277 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,419 we don't need words. 278 00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:42,549 So 279 00:08:43,710 --> 00:08:45,929 There's a whole bunch of reasons why 280 00:08:46,349 --> 00:08:48,010 a child does not need to come in and talk, 281 00:08:48,309 --> 00:08:49,950 and we have evidence for all of it. 282 00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:52,780 But at the end of the day, 283 00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:58,979 When a child is going to naturally work through stuff in their way in their time. 284 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,359 Why would we ever 285 00:09:02,179 --> 00:09:03,280 force a child 286 00:09:03,739 --> 00:09:06,080 to do something that we direct 287 00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:11,099 to sort out what we think they need to do in the order that we think is best for them? 288 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,650 That is so. 289 00:09:14,539 --> 00:09:15,650 I don't even know what the word is. 290 00:09:15,700 --> 00:09:16,919 I'm trying to think of an adjective. 291 00:09:17,419 --> 00:09:19,349 Presumptuous is the best thing I can think of. 292 00:09:19,739 --> 00:09:21,780 That is the most presumptuous thing. 293 00:09:22,969 --> 00:09:23,960 To say, 294 00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,989 I know more than you 295 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:30,469 about what you need and when you need it and how we're going to do this, 296 00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:34,330 and I'm just going to dictate to you how this is going to go. 297 00:09:35,299 --> 00:09:38,280 What presumptuous foolishness. 298 00:09:39,049 --> 00:09:40,030 To say, 299 00:09:40,609 --> 00:09:42,770 I'm going to take care of this for you. 300 00:09:43,789 --> 00:09:45,700 Let's translate this to someone actually said 301 00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,700 this on a collective call pretty recently, 302 00:09:47,710 --> 00:09:48,070 and I said, 303 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:48,750 I'm gonna use that, 304 00:09:48,789 --> 00:09:49,849 and here I am using it. 305 00:09:51,049 --> 00:09:51,400 Let's, 306 00:09:51,489 --> 00:09:53,349 let's enlarge this to adults. 307 00:09:55,030 --> 00:09:59,150 An adult therapist sits down with an adult client and the client says, 308 00:09:59,940 --> 00:10:00,190 All right, 309 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:00,419 yeah, 310 00:10:00,549 --> 00:10:00,710 man, 311 00:10:00,789 --> 00:10:02,429 it has been a rough week. 312 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:03,690 Let me tell you about my week. 313 00:10:04,309 --> 00:10:05,210 And the therapist says, 314 00:10:05,479 --> 00:10:05,630 no, 315 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:06,229 sorry, 316 00:10:06,469 --> 00:10:08,789 we're actually going to talk about your anger. 317 00:10:09,070 --> 00:10:09,630 So here, 318 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:11,409 here's something that we're gonna read together 319 00:10:11,590 --> 00:10:13,330 and then we're gonna talk about your anger. 320 00:10:13,510 --> 00:10:13,809 Well, 321 00:10:14,119 --> 00:10:14,229 yeah, 322 00:10:14,270 --> 00:10:14,789 I understand that, 323 00:10:14,849 --> 00:10:15,150 but I mean, 324 00:10:15,190 --> 00:10:16,809 I really wanna tell you about what happened 325 00:10:17,109 --> 00:10:19,820 in my week cause that's like really pressing on me right now. 326 00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:20,190 No, 327 00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:20,809 I'm sorry. 328 00:10:20,869 --> 00:10:21,090 Um, 329 00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:23,869 this is my gig here and I'm the therapist, 330 00:10:23,950 --> 00:10:24,289 so 331 00:10:24,429 --> 00:10:24,909 we're gonna, 332 00:10:24,989 --> 00:10:26,049 we're gonna do anger 333 00:10:26,179 --> 00:10:28,530 and you're not allowed to talk about anything else right now. 334 00:10:31,219 --> 00:10:33,440 We would think that was lunacy 335 00:10:33,780 --> 00:10:37,159 if we heard that was a therapist's way of handling their clients, 336 00:10:37,229 --> 00:10:38,770 and that therapist would have no clients. 337 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:39,479 Let's be real. 338 00:10:40,659 --> 00:10:43,320 But somehow we think that that's the way that we can treat children. 339 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:46,799 We meet children where they are, 340 00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:48,169 not the other way around. 341 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,219 We trust the child 342 00:10:50,479 --> 00:10:51,979 to know what they need to do 343 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:53,760 in their way. 344 00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:55,859 In their time 345 00:10:56,969 --> 00:10:56,979 Because 346 00:10:57,380 --> 00:10:58,359 they know 347 00:10:58,890 --> 00:11:00,140 how to get where they want to go. 348 00:11:01,289 --> 00:11:05,309 We are all wired with that natural desire to become better versions of ourselves. 349 00:11:06,340 --> 00:11:06,880 So, 350 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,460 what presumptuousness to say, 351 00:11:09,590 --> 00:11:09,659 no, 352 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:09,780 no, 353 00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:09,900 no, 354 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:10,059 no, 355 00:11:10,179 --> 00:11:11,599 we're gonna talk about this. 356 00:11:12,109 --> 00:11:12,760 And honestly, 357 00:11:13,059 --> 00:11:14,169 parents don't know what they don't know, 358 00:11:14,260 --> 00:11:14,719 so, 359 00:11:15,179 --> 00:11:15,979 this isn't a dig. 360 00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:17,760 This is just a reality check here. 361 00:11:18,219 --> 00:11:19,320 When a parent says, 362 00:11:20,059 --> 00:11:21,840 you just need to talk to them about 363 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:23,669 Well, 364 00:11:23,909 --> 00:11:24,159 yes, 365 00:11:24,239 --> 00:11:25,469 they don't know what they don't know, 366 00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:28,679 and so they have an agenda and they want things to get better, 367 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:29,500 understandably, 368 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:31,460 they're in the swirls of crazy. 369 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,739 But that's also on us for not helping a parent understand 370 00:11:35,919 --> 00:11:38,859 what the process is and what we will and what we will never do. 371 00:11:40,460 --> 00:11:43,020 So I will do lots of things in the playroom. 372 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:44,659 I will be faithful to the model. 373 00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,000 I will be adherent. 374 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:48,640 I will use those 11 responses. 375 00:11:49,719 --> 00:11:52,140 I will preserve relationship at all costs. 376 00:11:52,289 --> 00:11:53,539 I will remain neutral. 377 00:11:53,719 --> 00:11:54,840 I will remain calm. 378 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:55,219 I, 379 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:55,520 I mean, 380 00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:58,080 the list is very long of the things that we will do. 381 00:11:58,359 --> 00:11:59,440 Parents need to know that. 382 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:01,539 In equal measure, 383 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,840 they need to know what we will unequivocally, 384 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:05,590 absolutely never ever do. 385 00:12:07,039 --> 00:12:09,320 And one of which is talk to their kid about something. 386 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,780 So if a parent comes and says, 387 00:12:12,359 --> 00:12:12,679 by the way, 388 00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:14,299 you just need to talk to them about 389 00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,080 hitting their friends because they hit their friends at school again today. 390 00:12:17,919 --> 00:12:18,080 Well, 391 00:12:18,190 --> 00:12:19,159 you violated my, 392 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:21,659 we're never going to talk about a child in front of a child rule, 393 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,960 because that was obviously in the lobby before the session, 394 00:12:24,109 --> 00:12:24,820 for example. 395 00:12:25,619 --> 00:12:28,140 So that's on us for not making that clear. 396 00:12:29,070 --> 00:12:33,809 And then it's also on us for not making it clear I'm never going to go in with an agenda. 397 00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:36,789 It's also on us for not making it clear I'm not going to 398 00:12:36,789 --> 00:12:38,929 bring up a topic and force your kid to talk about it. 399 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:40,890 So, 400 00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:43,619 these are all of the little nuances of 401 00:12:43,619 --> 00:12:46,159 setting those very clear expectations when we first 402 00:12:46,690 --> 00:12:47,260 meet with parents, 403 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:49,559 that very initial parent consultation hour, 404 00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:50,659 it's crucial. 405 00:12:51,859 --> 00:12:53,979 Because we say things like, 406 00:12:54,299 --> 00:12:56,119 and I'm never going to bring something up 407 00:12:56,219 --> 00:12:56,650 in session. 408 00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:57,299 Your child, 409 00:12:57,419 --> 00:13:00,179 if it's important to your child and if they need to bring it up, 410 00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:00,739 they will, 411 00:13:00,820 --> 00:13:02,960 but it's not always going to be brought up verbally. 412 00:13:03,619 --> 00:13:05,030 Sometimes they'll talk about something. 413 00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:06,369 Most of the time they won't. 414 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:07,359 They'll play it out. 415 00:13:07,859 --> 00:13:09,289 They'll experience their way through it. 416 00:13:09,340 --> 00:13:10,539 They'll feel their way through it. 417 00:13:11,469 --> 00:13:13,349 And it may not be in dialogue, 418 00:13:13,469 --> 00:13:14,969 but they're still handling it. 419 00:13:15,669 --> 00:13:17,179 These are the kinds of things that we need to say, 420 00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:19,630 and y'all don't forget 7 + or minus 2. 421 00:13:20,489 --> 00:13:21,919 We don't just say that one time. 422 00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:24,590 We say that 5 to 9 times 423 00:13:25,289 --> 00:13:25,950 because 424 00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:27,349 that's what the 425 00:13:27,849 --> 00:13:29,090 human race needs 426 00:13:29,570 --> 00:13:29,799 for, 427 00:13:29,919 --> 00:13:31,369 for digestion of information, 428 00:13:31,450 --> 00:13:32,830 7 plus or minus 2. 429 00:13:33,679 --> 00:13:36,270 So we're not just going to say that once and move on and say, 430 00:13:36,320 --> 00:13:36,520 OK, 431 00:13:36,599 --> 00:13:39,109 I've done my due diligence and they know the drill now. 432 00:13:39,440 --> 00:13:39,599 No, 433 00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:42,789 they heard it once and they need to hear it 4 to 8 more times, 434 00:13:42,799 --> 00:13:45,719 and then maybe they'll have it sorted out somewhat, 435 00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:48,280 at least to where they won't accost you in the lobby 436 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:49,780 and tell you you need to talk to their kid. 437 00:13:51,450 --> 00:13:54,150 So the myth that play therapy is not enough 438 00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:55,750 and or 439 00:13:55,890 --> 00:13:56,130 quote, 440 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,950 you have to talk to my kid about. 441 00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:00,200 We combat that 442 00:14:00,380 --> 00:14:01,479 with fidelity 443 00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:02,669 and adherence. 444 00:14:03,549 --> 00:14:04,780 Careful neutrality, 445 00:14:04,989 --> 00:14:06,469 preservation of relationship, 446 00:14:06,789 --> 00:14:09,489 and setting clear expectations because it is enough. 447 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,489 They don't need to talk at all. 448 00:14:11,989 --> 00:14:14,250 They don't even need to speak the same language as us. 449 00:14:14,750 --> 00:14:16,010 They're not verbal anyway. 450 00:14:16,109 --> 00:14:16,309 I mean, 451 00:14:16,349 --> 00:14:17,690 there's so many reasons. 452 00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:22,849 And these are the things that constantly ground us and make sure that we stay on track 453 00:14:23,070 --> 00:14:23,929 with the model 454 00:14:24,309 --> 00:14:26,169 and that we get out of the child's way 455 00:14:26,429 --> 00:14:28,729 and let them do the things that they know they need to do. 456 00:14:29,460 --> 00:14:32,200 I don't need to remind a child what they need to work on. 457 00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:36,969 That's another one of my favorite things of watching play sessions 458 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:38,690 before I get on the call. 459 00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:41,219 I know nothing about that child, 460 00:14:41,299 --> 00:14:43,140 and I know the only thing we need to know about 461 00:14:43,140 --> 00:14:45,119 a child before we go into a play session is what? 462 00:14:46,549 --> 00:14:46,960 Their name, 463 00:14:47,030 --> 00:14:47,200 yes, 464 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,000 thank you. 465 00:14:48,559 --> 00:14:49,869 Not biopsychosocial, 466 00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:50,799 not intake, 467 00:14:51,039 --> 00:14:52,280 not all these questions, 468 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:52,880 blah blah blah. 469 00:14:52,989 --> 00:14:53,080 No, 470 00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,080 we need their name and only their name. 471 00:14:56,059 --> 00:14:58,659 But I don't even know that sometimes when I'm watching sessions. 472 00:14:58,979 --> 00:15:01,809 So I go in absolutely blindly watching 473 00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:04,049 my coaching folks play sessions. 474 00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:06,700 And I queue spots because I'm like, 475 00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:07,580 whoa, 476 00:15:07,820 --> 00:15:08,059 oh, 477 00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:08,700 that was deep. 478 00:15:08,799 --> 00:15:09,140 Oh, 479 00:15:09,239 --> 00:15:09,940 that was important. 480 00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:10,659 Oh my gosh, 481 00:15:10,729 --> 00:15:11,400 that was significant. 482 00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:12,059 Whoa, 483 00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,419 look at that anxiety coming up. 484 00:15:13,530 --> 00:15:14,140 Oh my word, 485 00:15:14,219 --> 00:15:15,359 look at the power and control. 486 00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:15,820 Wow, 487 00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,000 look at the fear facing. 488 00:15:17,510 --> 00:15:20,380 And I'm queuing stuff because I can see how relevant it is, 489 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,880 but I don't know the backstory. 490 00:15:22,549 --> 00:15:25,789 And then the coolest thing is when I get on the call and I say, 491 00:15:25,869 --> 00:15:26,229 all right, 492 00:15:26,520 --> 00:15:26,859 give us, 493 00:15:26,909 --> 00:15:27,190 you know, 494 00:15:27,349 --> 00:15:29,809 a little bit of information about this kid we're about to watch. 495 00:15:30,549 --> 00:15:31,929 And then they talk about 496 00:15:32,109 --> 00:15:32,989 the anxiety. 497 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:35,210 And the trauma 498 00:15:35,349 --> 00:15:37,140 and all this stuff that's going on, 499 00:15:37,150 --> 00:15:37,909 and I'm like, 500 00:15:38,190 --> 00:15:39,179 I already know that. 501 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:43,340 You didn't need to tell me that for me to tell you 502 00:15:43,679 --> 00:15:45,080 what was going on in that session. 503 00:15:45,739 --> 00:15:47,159 It connects the dots, 504 00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:47,710 like, 505 00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:48,219 oh yeah, 506 00:15:48,289 --> 00:15:48,609 of course, 507 00:15:48,659 --> 00:15:49,760 that makes sense because, 508 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:50,359 but 509 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,659 I already knew the child was dealing with anxiety. 510 00:15:52,739 --> 00:15:54,799 I already knew the child was dealing with power and control. 511 00:15:55,340 --> 00:15:57,719 I already knew the child had an aggressive release need. 512 00:15:58,609 --> 00:15:59,150 Because 513 00:15:59,369 --> 00:16:00,669 they just showed 514 00:16:00,890 --> 00:16:02,890 what's going on right in the middle of the session. 515 00:16:03,890 --> 00:16:05,409 That's the beauty of CCPT. 516 00:16:05,609 --> 00:16:07,510 We don't need words of any kind, 517 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:09,309 not even from parents most of the time. 518 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,849 And that flies in the face of parents are the experts 519 00:16:12,849 --> 00:16:15,830 on their kids and therapists are the experts on the kids. 520 00:16:16,690 --> 00:16:18,669 The child is the expert, 521 00:16:18,969 --> 00:16:19,710 always. 522 00:16:19,969 --> 00:16:20,909 It's their life. 523 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:21,929 It's their experience, 524 00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:23,190 it's their reality. 525 00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:24,890 It's their process. 526 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:26,729 Their healing journey, 527 00:16:26,809 --> 00:16:28,289 their self-actualization, 528 00:16:28,650 --> 00:16:29,109 they 529 00:16:29,229 --> 00:16:29,880 are the experts. 530 00:16:29,929 --> 00:16:30,669 We trust them 531 00:16:31,369 --> 00:16:32,570 and we trust the process. 532 00:16:33,729 --> 00:16:34,380 I love y'all. 533 00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:35,210 Have a great week. 534 00:16:35,419 --> 00:16:37,359 Please join me on the live call, 535 00:16:37,479 --> 00:16:38,130 28th, 536 00:16:38,419 --> 00:16:39,320 noon Eastern. 537 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:39,979 Sign up. 538 00:16:40,179 --> 00:16:40,700 Love y'all. 539 00:16:40,859 --> 00:16:41,179 Bye. 540 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:46,059 Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks. 541 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,159 For more episodes and resources, 542 00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:53,080 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.