234 | Trusting CCPT with Anxious Kids: Why CCPT Works for Every Child

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy and practical support and application for

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your work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I'm answering a question from Mary Clare in Illinois.

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Thanks so much for the question, Mary Clare. And I'm really excited.

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She's actually asking about a specific child with whom she's working 10 years old

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and she's a little bit in her head about whether

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or not CCPT is the right approach for him.

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So I'll read parts of her email and we'll dive in together.

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And I think before I read the email, I just want to universally and overarching, say

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it is one of the most common conversations that I have

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now that I have thousands of

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participants and,

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and coaching people and Collective members and podcast listeners.

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I, I have this conversation all the time,

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people second guess and have doubts

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about a

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specific client, a specific family, a specific kid, a specific case.

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And we have those moments where we just question things, we question ourselves.

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We question our skills, we question the model, we question the approach,

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we question if it's working, we question the timeline

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and

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let me just remind and reassure

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CCPT works.

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We know that it does.

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We know that in spite of us,

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it works,

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in spite of resistance on behalf of the child. It works

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in spite of the parent not understanding and not buying in

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it works.

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So please just take a breath,

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reassure yourself, remind yourself

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that you are doing what the child needs

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and that you are providing the relationship and the environment

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for the child to self actualize.

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That is one of the things that we

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really sometimes need to re ground ourselves in. I believe. So.

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That's just kind of the big picture.

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Now, we'll read parts of Mary Clare's question and then we'll dive in.

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I am a child therapist in Illinois. I'm a huge fan of your podcast.

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They've made me feel more confident in my sessions with kids and parents.

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I'm so glad. Thank you for sharing that.

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And she recommends my podcast to everyone at her office too. So thank you for that.

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All right. I'm reaching out with a question regarding a kid.

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I'm using CCPT with a 10 year old who has ADHD.

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We'll talk about that in a second.

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I'm sure my, I'm sure my vets know exactly where that's going.

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The child is anxious at home and school and is

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resistant avoidant to share his feelings with his parents.

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Obviously,

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his mom recently shared with me that after our last session,

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he told her mom you're wasting your money.

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All we do is play

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If I had a dime for every time a child said that to a parent, man,

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I'd be so much more wealthy,

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which I know is only how it feels to him. Yes, indeed. That's how it feels to him.

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But so much more going on

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among the other challenges

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are that his parents

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have told me he's experiencing social challenges at school and

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he still requires his mom to go sleep with him.

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His play feels very performative solo. Loud, describing to me what's happening

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and it is typically very imaginative with the

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common idea of fighting bad guys and having superpowers

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with all that being said, I'm getting in my head if CCPT is the right approach for him.

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But I also feel like this is the way to go because of his emotional avoidance.

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I would love to hear some insight from you if there's anything I

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can do to get out of my head and enter his world.

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Well,

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yes, the answer is, yes, we'll dive in.

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Ok.

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Let's start with.

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I don't think for one second this kid has ADHD

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and I knew my vets would know that's where I was going.

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All right.

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Catch all diagnosis means nothing, throw it out the window,

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cache it out of your brain and never think about it again.

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Said lovingly and gently,

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also highly anxious.

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We know highly anxious kids are going to be highly resistant.

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It is a natural order of things.

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Highly anxious means highly resistant,

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not necessarily that their resistance phase is bigger,

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not the phase just resistant to all of it, resistant to the work,

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resistant to the vulnerability, resistant to the process,

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resistant to opening up,

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resistant to diving in because it's scary resistant to talking to mom and dad about

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it. The list goes on.

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So we know when you're highly anxious,

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oh pop quiz,

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highly anxious kids,

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the antidote to high levels of anxiety in children is what?

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Thank you.

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Control.

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So we have a kid grasping at control.

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Well, here's the

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beauty and the beast.

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The playroom affords him all the control he can possibly want

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but has none of the control that he craves.

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You see what I'm saying?

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When he comes into a child-centered playroom,

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he has complete control,

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but he doesn't want to quote just play

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because he can't bear the idea of being in charge. He can't own the responsibility.

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He can't handle the pressure of having to make these big decisions

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and actually dive into the work that he needs to do.

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So there's the rub because he wants it but actually doesn't want it.

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And you mentioned social challenges.

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Here's where that's coming from

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when you don't have an identity.

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First of all, this kid has low, low, low,

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low self esteem I did not just try to make that into that song.

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I don't even know what that song is, but I just heard it in my head as I said that.

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So

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you have to keep in mind

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social challenges come from a lack of identity

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which comes from

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non-existent self esteem.

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Here's how that works

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when you don't know who you are,

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when you have no self concept, no sense of self.

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Neither do your peers.

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When you are interacting with peers,

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every kid wants to be able to know who they're dealing with.

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And there's a natural order of things

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amongst peers. There's a sloughing off of rough edges if you will.

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So when you're too bossy, no one plays with you when you cry all the time,

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no one plays with you when you're too shy and quiet.

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No one plays with you

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when

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you

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have to have your way, no one plays with you.

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What does that mean? You

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are forced to kind of have a checks and balances system amongst your peers

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and therefore the label makes sense.

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Well, that one's kind of bossy. That one's the funny one.

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That one's the really friendly one. That's the quiet one.

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That's the one that gets in trouble all the time.

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This is how we make sense of the world we categorize.

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Therefore,

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he doesn't know who he is.

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He isn't categorized.

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So no kid in his world at school or elsewhere

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is going to understand him and resonate and click with him

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because he doesn't even know who he is, let alone who he's putting out into the world.

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That's a very simple explanation,

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low self esteem,

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cosleeping with mom.

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First of all, she's enabling that. So that's a parent consultation.

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Careful.

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Do we say confrontation? Probably?

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Yes, I would say that's a careful confrontation moment.

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She needs to be equipped with the process of

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addressing that

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because she is allowing that behavior to continue at 10.

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And therefore, that's part of the issue here. However,

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sleeping issues are almost always anxiety rooted.

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You can see how this is all being woven together here.

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Now, let's move into what you said regarding his play.

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It's performative. You said

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my

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label for that is self aggrandizing

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and this is the pendulum swinging.

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He comes in and he describes everything he's doing and he's

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loud and he's playing by himself and it's kind of bragger

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and it's what? Well, that is pendulum shift.

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That is self esteem work.

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It's self aggrandizing.

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He's making sure that he feels different than he actually is, which leads us to

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fighting and having superpowers, superpowers is ideal versus actual.

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I actually am

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an anxious wreck. I have no friends. I don't even know who I am. I don't like myself.

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I can't sleep alone. I'm scared of everything.

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I don't wanna come and do this. I don't wanna have to face this.

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I don't wanna be vulnerable.

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That's his actual self. His ideal self

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is the one that is brave and strong

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and has superpowers and is confident and articulate and

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you know, really proud of who he is.

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You can see the self esteem work taking

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place in this little bit that you've described.

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So you and the rest of you all didn't know this. But in the email, she

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bolded this last sentence

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I'm getting in my head if CCPT is the right approach for him.

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Let me challenge the notion of that sentence.

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CCPT is the right approach for any child under the age of 14.

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This has nothing to do with this specific kid, Mary Clare.

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This has to do with CCPT is the right approach for any child

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if they're 14 and under.

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But is this the right approach for him?

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Absolutely! Not because, as you mentioned, of his emotional avoidance

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because of all the stuff that he's already working through

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all the stuff we already see evidence that he's working to heal.

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You didn't mention how many sessions you've had with him, but I suspect not many.

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I'm, I'm gonna argue maybe 10

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ish.

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So maybe not even 8 to 10.

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And we recognize all of this stuff that's coming out already

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even in the midst of him saying you're wasting your money,

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mom.

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All we do is play

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the beauty of CCPT is that when all we do is play,

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all we do is heal

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and all we do is self actualize

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and all we do is work through our junk and become a better version of ourselves.

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So Mary Clare, I hope that is encouraging to you.

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You said, is there any insight to get you out of your head and into his world?

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You're already in his world?

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You continue to

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communicate, be with attitudes. You continue to reflectively respond,

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you continue to adhere to CCPT

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and we can see

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clearly

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the work that he's already doing.

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So he will continue to do that

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its relationship, its environment,

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time, tools and opportunity are what you're affording him.

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So hope that that's an encouragement to all of you.

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This is

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week two of me being in Australia. So two podcasts.

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This is the only one that you're going to get as far as a listener question this week.

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But we should be back on track for more questions when I return,

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which will be in early December

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by the way,

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if you are in the States and/or if you celebrate Thanksgiving in a different name,

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I know Australians have a different name for the

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day that they use as a Thanksgiving celebration.

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If you celebrate Thanksgiving and or if you are in the States, Happy Thanksgiving.

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I am truly grateful for each and every one of you. I'm grateful for this family.

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I'm grateful for the audience. I'm grateful for this platform.

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I'm grateful for this model.

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I'm grateful for giants in whose footprints I walk.

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But really, truly, you all are one of the best parts of my professional life.

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I want you to know that I hope that you feel the depth of that sincerity.

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So as I celebrate Thanksgiving coming home from Australia,

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another thing for which I'm very grateful by the way,

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but I'm super grateful for each and every one

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of you and for the Collective for the coaching

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for the podcast.

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It's

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one of the greatest joys of my life. So

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love y'all. We'll talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.