BONUS: Dating Icks & Green Flags

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hibb it is Lalakhan. Welcome to the Bonus episode. Welcome Teeter.

00:00:10
Speaker 2: I'm back.

00:00:11
Speaker 1: I'm back. I literally I almost wish you would have been here during the Sabrina Zohar episode. So I had Sabrina Zohar on the podcast for Wednesday's episode, regular old episode. She was amazing.

00:00:27
Speaker 2: Did she put your guard down? Yes?

00:00:30
Speaker 1: Actually what was wild was I've had conversations with dating experts, and I don't have conversations with them to go out and try to meet somebody, but it's very much about the female and how she attracts a man, right, And to me, it always feels very it feels antiquated, and it feels like a game. And when I said this to Sabrina, she literally said, if you play the game, you're going to attract a player. And I was like, what the f fuck? My mind is bone. It's so true, like all of these rules like don't text back unless it's been this amount of time, don't break eye contact for five seconds from across the bar because that's how they know you're intro like all of these things where I'm like, oh my god, this is so much to remember, and you almost feel overwhelmed and defeated if you do all of these steps and then it doesn't work out, because sometimes it just doesn't work out because it just don't work out.

00:01:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:01:30
Speaker 1: She not only talked about dating tips and advice, but more so than anything, it was about like, who are you when you go into dating and you feel a certain way? What does that bring you back to?

00:01:45
Speaker 2: How funny that when everybody says until like, you need to fall in love with yourself to fall in love with someone else, right, And that's what she brought it back to, Is you right? You looking for? What are you really wanting?

00:01:59
Speaker 1: Right? And she said, I am more scared of losing myself than losing someone else. Like in dating, who cares if you lose them? Because if I lose you while trying to keep myself, then I would you know that's a win. Yeah. So for this episode, God, I wish you would. Well, you can listen to the episode. It was so good.

00:02:21
Speaker 2: I cried, did you yes? Is that why the eyes puffy?

00:02:26
Speaker 1: Fuck you?

00:02:27
Speaker 2: I only said because you said it.

00:02:30
Speaker 1: What am I gonna do once the pre cancer is gone? I'll have no reason not Right now I can be like, fuck you, it's pre cancer.

00:02:37
Speaker 2: We'll find something.

00:02:38
Speaker 1: I actually am feeling great about the eye. The eye is gonna be taken care of and.

00:02:42
Speaker 2: The drops her here. You're just about your business now, I'm all about my business.

00:02:47
Speaker 1: So I asked the podcast page all of our friends, what are dating green flags and dating X? What are some of Like, what would you say your green flags are?

00:02:58
Speaker 2: And what I do you know? I don't even know if I have one because I don't know what I'm looking for. You just fucked me up with like if you play the game, you're like you're going to attract those type of people. I have no idea what like my I mean, a green flag for me is like a woman that is like family oriented and close with her own family. Okay, that's a big green flag for me.

00:03:23
Speaker 1: Red flags not even like like a red flag, but like if you were on a date with someone, what's like, augh, I don't know my pet because I feel like a red flag is like abrupt. A red flag is like is like.

00:03:35
Speaker 2: When you when your social media is you think define you. Oh okay, that's a big it in a red flag for me?

00:03:45
Speaker 1: Can you elaborate, like what do you like they care about.

00:03:48
Speaker 2: Followers like they're constantly on like they're trying to be somebody like that I have followers or I need my page to look a certain that's an for me. Okay, I don't know why, but it just is like somebody too involved in their social media.

00:04:08
Speaker 1: What if.

00:04:10
Speaker 2: Being paid, If it's a job, then I get it. But like if I'm just dating this girl and she's wanting to be, you know, an influencer and things like that, like they're depending on how they go about it, there can be an ick.

00:04:25
Speaker 1: Okay, I would. I could definitely, you know.

00:04:28
Speaker 2: Rock at a hard spot for sure, because you can want to do that and hold yourself well. But I've seen other girls want to be that and crumble at crumble everything.

00:04:39
Speaker 1: To be that okay, you know right, and like if they don't get enough likes, it's a let down.

00:04:45
Speaker 2: It wasn't yeah like I need a better like I need better photos, I need this. It's like, no, you just need to be authentic and you'll get them.

00:04:51
Speaker 1: Can I tell you what an ick for me for you is.

00:04:54
Speaker 2: What the hair the girl?

00:05:00
Speaker 1: I don't mean you, but I'm saying when I watched like date certain girls, a certain girl where I got an ick on your behalf was when someone came out to visit you, and I was a little.

00:05:16
Speaker 2: Skeptical, Oh this is new ish.

00:05:20
Speaker 1: Yes, I was not into her at all. I don't and I'm protective of you, but like I want you to find somebody. But I'm like, there was a plethora of things that drove me crazy. Okay, But then I got a little worried because your bff Landing came out and he was like, Yo, did you see this girl's social media? And I was like no, And there were a plethora of photos that she had posted of the two of you.

00:05:49
Speaker 2: And she goes, can I post these? I was in a meeting and I didn't even like look at the text, like it was one photo and it was like me and she was like can I post this? And I was like, yeah, like I thought it was one photo?

00:06:02
Speaker 1: No, it was pretty much a fucked seven to be exact, seven photos. I was like, this is so weird because we're such a tight knit family and I've met this girl one time. She like didn't talk a lot. She was very kind, very kind and for someone else, great for us, nah, And yes I may be a little bit intense, but.

00:06:29
Speaker 2: It was It's gonna be really fun, guys for me to find a wife.

00:06:32
Speaker 1: That's not true. Can I tell you this girl? All the producers are laughing, But this girl had like we had so much in common.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: No, you did. I That is one thing.

00:06:46
Speaker 1: The way she did she fulfilled the Eastern but she didn't fulfill me.

00:06:50
Speaker 2: But that right there, And see, you're bringing up a red flag for me. Like that was a red flag when I was like, you did have like you're a mom to two kids, mom of two kids. It's how are you not talking? You know, like there was not with.

00:07:03
Speaker 1: The baby daddy, so we know co parenting situation.

00:07:06
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like there was a lot of things. And that was my red flag of if I bring you around my family, you have to make an effort with my family, right you know. Yeah, And that's the other thing. And I told you it's not going to be easy for me to introduce women to you. Most people know who you are. It is like, could you imagine me going on a date with this girl and her brother was Justin Bieber or something crazy.

00:07:38
Speaker 1: It's like, I haven't the equivalent of Justin Bieber.

00:07:42
Speaker 2: I'm just say baby, baby, baby, shout out Justin Bieber. Shout out justin people, we stand with you, but we do. We do. If you need a friend, okay.

00:07:55
Speaker 1: So someone if they're like their brother or.

00:07:59
Speaker 2: The pub, Like shit, I don't know how to talk to them, what to say. They're going to be judging me. I'm thinking, even though you're not, because you're in a family dynamic, you can take yourself out and you are with your brother, just like she was just nervous. Of course, Lauren. Everybody I talked to, they're like everybody, They're like, yeah, in your sister's la La I'm like yeah, like, ah, this one's ruined already. I need someone to not know who the fuck you are.

00:08:28
Speaker 1: That's easy, Sid, there's seven billion, actually I think there's eight now billion people on the planet.

00:08:35
Speaker 2: I gotta do fly in. I gotta fly into a different country.

00:08:39
Speaker 1: By the way, though, Sabrina Zohar said, lot of luck out of the country, lots of luck. America hard.

00:08:46
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm glad that she said that, because now I always thought I was like, they're just hard in this country, not even in La Utah. It's hard in Salt Lake City, Utah. Like I'm it is just hard.

00:09:00
Speaker 1: She said that dating in general is hard, but being in LA, she said, LA and New York both add like a more intense layer.

00:09:09
Speaker 2: Well for sure, because they're you're the people that you're wanting to be with or everybody wants to be somebody, so it's not their first.

00:09:17
Speaker 1: Right thing, and they come to a big city for opportunity and like.

00:09:21
Speaker 2: And if I'm going to date you and you're affecting my opportunity, I can't be with you.

00:09:27
Speaker 1: Well, your friend Calvin Cobb mm hmm, he's out in these streets dating.

00:09:33
Speaker 2: He is a day term.

00:09:34
Speaker 1: He's a dater, but I really respect his boundaries he's got.

00:09:38
Speaker 2: But that's the thing, like he doesn't just date, like he won't even like just go out on a date with a like a girl. He has to build, yeah, something that he is going to go out. He's intentional. And that's something I'm trying to take from him, is like he'll like a girl and he'll be like, yeah, I want to take her on a date this and that, but I need to build more on it. So when we do do that, it's there's a foundation, right and I can respect that. But he's a dater.

00:10:09
Speaker 1: You want to know what my green flags are A dater. No, my green flags are pretty much everything I'm not actually.

00:10:20
Speaker 2: But then you want them.

00:10:22
Speaker 1: I'm like, I need you to be consistent. I need you to honor commitment. Don't cancel all you embed at six thirty, all of the green flags and at least one face tattoo.

00:10:37
Speaker 2: Really, I was just gonna say, girls with like a little tattoo right here, I showed you very cute. Yes, I'm not when you're fully tattooed and stuff and then you throw a face it is a look, and I love like a girl with no tattoos or they just like one and then there's one on the face.

00:10:55
Speaker 1: It's like a tiny cit one. Yeah, there's a green flag for easton my My green flag is I would say calm energy. Yes, the moment that I.

00:11:09
Speaker 2: Have chaos, you need to bring me peace.

00:11:11
Speaker 1: I break down because I'm high strung. Yes, I'm high strong. When the wind blows a certain way, I get flustered by things, and I think someone who can come in and kind of calm the waters for me would be which I think that that's just more of.

00:11:28
Speaker 2: I know what you need. I think I know you need a I think you need your first boyfriend ever he calm, protect and not even like the age, like that's the thing, Like, I just know that that's who he was, no matter if he was eighteen or thirty eight. He was just a calm human being totally. That is what you needed. And he also what he did that was so great and he's the only one that could do it. And I'm not kidding you. When you were fucking pissed and I'm using the effort, yes, to the point where like your head was about to pop off with steam blowing out of it, everyone's moving, and your first boyfriend would poke the bear to the point where your anger would turn into laughter and it would's gone. Yeah, and then you would come and apologize to the family. That doesn't happen anymore. But your first boyfriend ever, still in love with him till this day. And the way you like he treated you, but the way you acted with him, you were so fun. Yeah, no, no experience, but that's who you need.

00:12:41
Speaker 1: I think so too. And now my ick is something that I just realized from the podcast with Sabrina. When a dude comes on too heavy like we yes, which I know a love bomber, but for some reason, what it has to do with me. I'm like, it's love bombing for you, but we're getting married. Like she said, I don't know you. Why are you talking to me this way? I think that's gonna be the new it.

00:13:11
Speaker 2: I wish I was. You don't know me.

00:13:13
Speaker 1: Why would you say you want to spend so much time with me? You don't know me at all.

00:13:18
Speaker 2: I wish I was there. And I'm coming from like a point of maybe, like for me and maybe other guys, sometimes when you get a girl's attention that you actually like, you don't know if you'll lose it, so you do want to try to spend a lot of time. And that is a huge thing, that is it?

00:13:34
Speaker 1: Okay, Yes, they're toxic, toxic individuals.

00:13:37
Speaker 2: Oh right, maybe I'm toxic too.

00:13:39
Speaker 1: You're not toxic. I don't think you're toxic.

00:13:41
Speaker 2: I don't either, But I don't love bomb. I've worked on that.

00:13:45
Speaker 1: Oh did you used to be a love bomber?

00:13:47
Speaker 2: I did my ex? Yeah, it worked out well. But I love bombed her for sure.

00:13:51
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't think you love bombed her. I think you actually loved her.

00:13:54
Speaker 2: No, I did love her, Yeah, I loved her.

00:13:56
Speaker 1: I don't talk about her, right, now that's not love bombing.

00:13:59
Speaker 2: You actually loved her.

00:14:02
Speaker 1: These men I meet one time and they're texting every day, and I'm like, oh my godness.

00:14:09
Speaker 2: It's so bad. I haven't done that. You're right, I know you Okay? When they text me back, I'm like, oh my gosh, too much.

00:14:18
Speaker 1: We also have toxic traits. Jessica Underscore Jane Underscore Baker say, wouldn't want a relationship with a girl who f's on the first date but then proceed to try it on you.

00:14:31
Speaker 2: That is a fucking dick. I really don't like the.

00:14:37
Speaker 1: Girl who like gives it up on the first date. Hey, you want to come back and watch a movie? What are these?

00:14:43
Speaker 2: I can squeeze your ass? It's like, that is it?

00:14:46
Speaker 1: Girl?

00:14:46
Speaker 2: I don't want. I am forming into what I don't want, like you're I don't want to sleep with you. And then I'm like, oh my god.

00:14:54
Speaker 1: It's the land of mirror, honey. We're all just mirrors walking around looking at each other, projecting the fuck out of life. Jessica Jane Baker's funny Jen Hurley, Rice Green Flag Loves Animals, Red Flag entitled in any way, Get I get entitled A little bit.

00:15:18
Speaker 2: I know somebody very entitled. Can you say their name or no, we'll keep it under wraps.

00:15:30
Speaker 1: Boom, No, that was so funny. Ava Agallo says, Green Flag loves animals.

00:15:45
Speaker 2: Did you read some.

00:15:46
Speaker 1: People who love to different Green flag loves animals.

00:15:49
Speaker 2: That is a big green flag for me. If you don't treat animals, well, I know you don't.

00:15:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, can I tell you a story?

00:15:58
Speaker 2: I want to hear it.

00:15:59
Speaker 1: I was intimate on a few occasions with this guy who was is the son of a very very famous singer. He was fun, he was cool, he was hot, came over to the apartment. It was like maybe a sixth date time hanging out. We always drank. That was super fun. My dog Lily was outside barking. I lived on Olympics, still outside barking.

00:16:32
Speaker 2: Oh.

00:16:32
Speaker 1: He kept telling her to come in, Yes, he kept telling her to come in. She was having a heyday, highlight of her day and night. When she came in, he smacked her on the ass. When I tell you, I was so livid. I almost caught a case. Kicked him out of the apartment, never spoke to him again, and I was like, wow, I literally could go to prison. Right now. I cannot chase him out of here.

00:16:58
Speaker 2: No, he will be dead. And that's the for somebody to feel like they can treat an animal that isn't theirs that way. Yeah.

00:17:05
Speaker 1: And then and then he repleted the next day over text to apologize and that he was drinking. Guess what, when you're drinking makes you want to abuse an animal? Hit my fucking dog. They should probably stop drinking.

00:17:19
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, it's I'm going very far down a hole. But it's like, you know, you see all these murder cases and it's like you animals. It's like, yeah, no, you're weird.

00:17:32
Speaker 1: No, But I love that this person said the red flag is doesn't like animals, So the green flag is you better love animals and red flag if you don't like them, Dawn, Yeah, Raymi Kimi. Green flag makes you laugh, the biggest of green flags. That is all I want in life is just laugh. I just want to laugh all the time. When I was pregnant with Sosa and I had belly laughs, Like I think that's why she's so fun.

00:18:00
Speaker 2: You really had a lot of belly laughs.

00:18:01
Speaker 1: The biggest like, I just want to be around someone. Here's the thing, like sex, goes away, looks go away. If you could be with someone who truly makes you laugh and you have a good time together where it's like just effortless that will carry you through the darkest of days.

00:18:20
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, a good belly laugh.

00:18:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I haven't. The dawn made me laugh. And by the way, you also have to laugh at what I say, because if you don't laugh at what I say, great you don't think I'm funny. But I'm this is not changing. Like I like to be weird. I like to be a little bit over the top. You know. I have passed this point of like I just want a man to think I'm sexy. Sexy. No, I want you to leave and be like that bitch just funny as fuck. I have to see her tomorrow, Yeah, you know I do. Raymie Keemi also says green Flag not only holds doors open for you, but opens the door for others.

00:19:03
Speaker 2: That's me, that is you. I get stuck at the fucking door sometimes, and then I'm too nice to say fuck you, so I just hold it. I might as well put a bell hat on me. Come on in. Do you like me to take you?

00:19:19
Speaker 1: No? But you're so nice, You're so nice.

00:19:22
Speaker 2: The one thing that I've been doing that isn't so nice, but they deserve it. If they don't say thank you, I always go, you're welcome, and then I keep walking.

00:19:30
Speaker 1: I think that that's a boundary.

00:19:32
Speaker 2: It is, and I'm working on those.

00:19:33
Speaker 1: A passive aggressive boundary, it is.

00:19:35
Speaker 2: And no one said anything SI at.

00:19:38
Speaker 1: All instead of being like, hey, like, you're welcome, I held the door up for you. It's just as simple, you're welcome.

00:19:47
Speaker 2: You're welcome. And if they go I didn't say something, I.

00:19:49
Speaker 1: Could have sworn. I thought I heard you say thank you.

00:19:52
Speaker 2: Well it's either that or I'm gonna knock him on the forehead and go, you're welcome.

00:19:57
Speaker 1: Great, so we're gonna I think if you touch someone out their consent it is assault.

00:20:02
Speaker 2: Right, I'm going to get four of them. One, two, three, four, You're welcome.

00:20:06
Speaker 1: You know what though, that is a huge one. I was talking to Brittany on her podcast. This was a few months ago, and we both said, like, we're also fixated on how someone treats us, and so often we forget how people treat other people. And I think that that is that should be taken into account as well. Yeah, also a huge red flag for me now, just with the experience of life. If I'm with a dude who treats me in a fantastic way, that tells me his ex or his baby mama is crazy. Red flag. Yeah, red freaking flag.

00:20:48
Speaker 2: I've got a red flag. How you treat your waiters, waitresses and servers.

00:20:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is a big one.

00:20:55
Speaker 2: That's a flag for me. If you're rude. Red.

00:20:57
Speaker 1: Oh, if you're rude, goodbye. No tolerance for the rudeness. No, because you know, I've been on dates with dudes who have baby mamas and I'll ask that question like, oh, how is your you know, baby mom? Are you guys able to copare it? And the green flags are when they're like, you know, we don't always get along. It can be tough sometimes, but she's a great mom, and that's all I can ask for. It's like, yeah, but when you immediately go to she's fucking crazy. She makes my life hard. I'm like, I have a feeling you make her life hard and she's set the boundary that you don't like. Yeah, that's what I'm gathering. I can agree on that she doesn't give you everything you want.

00:21:43
Speaker 2: Go to the bar four days out of the week, only three. She makes it hard?

00:21:47
Speaker 1: Does Borkowski underscore a mama's boy? They didn't say if that was a red flagg or a green flag?

00:21:55
Speaker 2: Is that a rhet or a green Well, because I'm a mama's boy. How far would it go for it to be a red flag of being a mama's boy? Because that is a good question, because think like a man at the beginning of it, he takes his day like his girlfriend for Valentine's Day, and then it pans over and his mom's there. That's that's a red flag.

00:22:15
Speaker 1: Yes, But a dude who says like I love my mom a lot, like I'm a MoMA's boy. She raised me like I wouldn't I.

00:22:25
Speaker 2: Go over there twice a week, three times.

00:22:27
Speaker 1: A week, multiple times a day, not a green flag because I have that same type of relationship. I think what would be hard is if we got to a place where, like, you love your mom just as much as I love my mom, We're going to them now this is a daity of the mom's yes, right, yeah, because I can't sit here and choose your mom over my mom.

00:22:51
Speaker 2: That christ do you think do you think people have if somebody says, if you're a mama's boy or a daddy's girl, it's a red flag. Do you think it's something on their end?

00:23:04
Speaker 1: What do you? Oh? It could be you're you must not be that close with your family.

00:23:08
Speaker 2: Yeah and all. Yeah, because that's the thing, like everybody's you know, relationships are different, you know, family wise, even like your mom and you have a very different relationship than me and my mom. Right, So if your mom and you aren't that close and people coming as a red flag because of your relationship, you can't throw that on the meat.

00:23:30
Speaker 1: But then it could also be the perfect situation because you're like, I love my family, you hate yours. Great, we'll just spend all of the time with mine.

00:23:38
Speaker 2: I love you.

00:23:41
Speaker 1: It could be actually a win win situation. I have it the one you thought you were love bombing but actually just loved period. He still loves you. Come back around four underscore. Green respects my space when I need it, Red never gives me space, Flash wants me around twenty four to seven. You know what, it's a red flag when they don't give you your space and want you're around twenty four seven. That that to me becomes like a controlling aspect.

00:24:11
Speaker 2: But also like it is a red flag, But shouldn't you be with somebody that when you're with them, you are alone? If that makes sense. Like when I was with my ex who I am in love with, still she could be there and I'm here and we were she wasn't there? Makes sense? M Like our space was still there, but we were together. That's the best, the best. I love you, Raymi.

00:24:39
Speaker 1: Kimi also says ick being on his cell phone while on a date loser, loser, that's a new thing, though, I mean we were on their phones at all, freaking.

00:24:51
Speaker 2: Looking something up? Or am I on a phone? No?

00:24:54
Speaker 1: No, no, this is clearly you're on the phone. This isn't like we're googling together to see like how many calories are in the meal we're eating, or whatever the fuck it may be. We said they afford a lot on this.

00:25:05
Speaker 2: Episode, I know, but it was needed.

00:25:09
Speaker 1: It's about like I'm with you and I'm texting, Okay, terrible, horrible. If I ever if a girl came up to me and said I went on a date with your brother and he was on the phone the whole time, I would.

00:25:20
Speaker 2: Just to let you guys know on dates, I don't put my phone either it's in my pocket or I put it like on the sheet, like not near me, Like I don't put it on the I read somewhere that if you put your phone on the table at dinner or anything like that, Yeah, you're telling everyone around that they're not as important as who may come through on that phone.

00:25:42
Speaker 1: I love that.

00:25:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I don't put my phone on the table ever. I keep it on my pocket or put it on like the couch er chair under my leg, and if it vibrates, I don't care. I just don't want everybody to hear it go boop, you know, because then when you grab it there and I think.

00:25:59
Speaker 1: Being trans parent, like for me on dates that I've gone on, which I haven't been on a date in a long time, but I have been on dates where I've been a mother, and I will say, like, I have to check my phone very quickly. This is you know, but my mom or my brother and they're watching my kids, and.

00:26:16
Speaker 2: That just to let you know. If I went on a date with a girl and she was like, just to let you know, I do have my kid at home, Da da da da. If I check my phone, it's for that reason, I'd go keep it out just in case.

00:26:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, but the texting. The texting is so rude.

00:26:29
Speaker 2: I'll give them the texting, but if they start picking it up constantly, then I'm that's. Let me tell you.

00:26:34
Speaker 1: Something, though. I would almost rather have someone say I have to take this call rather than hold on for a second.

00:26:40
Speaker 2: No, like, let me tell you something interrupt. I have to take this call.

00:26:43
Speaker 1: Yes, if my mom is calling, she has my children, I have to pick it up. If my mom's texting, it must not be that.

00:26:50
Speaker 2: But already I would be the guy not letting you even do that, you know, right, Yes, it would be like I would almost say, like, if you don't keep your phone on the table, I will be furious at you, like you got kitts and stuff? Keep it out?

00:27:05
Speaker 1: Yes, j L C. Menu says X everything. Lol, I'm fine alone. Is it so sad that this is.

00:27:15
Speaker 2: Related with you?

00:27:16
Speaker 1: The most?

00:27:17
Speaker 2: I love? I was just talking to Jenna after our pod We went over and she we just sat well, oh, did she go to Jerry's Deli with your Yeah, she didn't get anything, but I did. But we were talking about.

00:27:26
Speaker 1: That about being alone.

00:27:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, and how fucking great it is.

00:27:30
Speaker 1: Did she agree with you.

00:27:31
Speaker 2: Yeah, she was like, I live alone and I love it. I know. I mean, yes, we want partners here and there, but like here, in there, in there, here and there for me if she wants one.

00:27:42
Speaker 1: I just wanted a very untraditional life at all times. I'm sorry. I created an untraditional life. I thrive in that environment. So that's what I'm going to do. That's what I'm going to do. You guys, thank you for setting in your green flags and your X and thank you for listening to. ANOTHERUS episode of the Give the Molla podcast YouTube is also up now, and I'm gonna catch you on Wednesday for a regular old episode and again xbox to bye