Jade Olszewski : Autism - A Journey of Acceptance and Empowerment

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast, hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World.
Today's guest, Jade Oshwsky, is an artist, an energy healer,
a transformational coach, and most important, she's a mother to
an autistic son. Welcome Jade. I appreciate you coming on.
Thank you for having me.
Oh, it's my pleasure. So it's my understanding that you
have an autistic son. Could you tell us a little
bit about him?
Yeah, so he has aspergers and like add and then
I do as well that I didn't realize until, you know,
just like a year ago.
Wow, that's pretty interesting. I know a few people that
I've taught with that got diagnosed later in life, and
some that actually got diagnosed because their children got diagnosed
and they saw the similarities.
Yeah, years after he was diagnosed.
So what age was he diagnosed?
So he would have been I think four?
How old is he now eleven? So what was he
doing or not doing? That made you realize you had
to get a diagnosis.
So it was interesting. I think part of it was
just motherly instinct. I knew he was just behaving differently
than what I saw with like my friend's kids and things. Okay,
he was hitting those milestones a little bit later, which
I was totally okay with. Like I know, we all
have do things in our own timing, in our own way.
But he wasn't really like making eye contact. He would
if there were certain noises. He was covering his ears
a lot, things like he would go from like zero
to ten real quick, and sometimes like it would be
really hard to calm him down. So there was different
things like that. But some of it was just you know,
he would line things up in a certain way. I
don't know. Part of it was just I just knew
something was different about him, you know. Like I said,
some of it was just motherly instinct because he was
so young. And then one of my friends who I
am was close with, had her son evaluated and they
found out that he was on the spectrum, and so
I was really kind of looking at similarities to kind
of see because there was a part of me that
it's my intuition was nudging me. And she told me.
She's like, well, if you have any questions, she's like,
just get him evaluated, like it's free. There was this
really great program where I used to live where it
was like a panel of five people who did this actually,
and so there was a like a pediatrician, a speech therapist,
a physical therapist, and I can't remember who else, but
it was this panel of five people, and so that
was on my radar, but it actually didn't happen until
my son was in speech therapy and it was his
very first session and the woman said, you know, I
got to be honest with you, and she was really
kind of hesitant saying this, you know, and she was like,
I think he should be evaluated, and I said, oh,
it's like I've already been thinking of doing that. And
so we got it set up right away, and it
was just this interesting bridge of incidents, this unfolding, you know,
with even the speech therapy, he had a hard time
nursing and just different things, and the woman at the
time who was helping him with food. I called it
food therapy. She was like, you know, he will likely
he has these kind of sensory things going on. This
will help he might or he most likely will need
speech therapy. And so it was all these people were
kind of placed in my path. I felt like the
right time and I was just tuned in enough, and
that's kind of how it unfolded.
Sure, so you had this feeling that something wasn't quite right.
When you did finally get that diagnosis, what was your
feeling what went through your mind? Evidently wasn't shock because
you already kind of I knew something was going on.
Wasn't denial because you realized that something wasn't quite right.
Did you feel that sense of relief so that way
you could start focusing on what you needed to do
and then you could start to move forward.
Yeah. Absolutely, Like I was just grateful to have an answer.
And they even told me, they're like, wow, it's kind
of surprising how well you're taking this. And I said,
I've had so many years of struggling with my mental health,
and I have realized to not identify myself by these
labels and just know it's something I didn't, cause it's
just something I have. As sooner I can could just
accept it and learn how to cope with it, the
better I felt. And so I'm like, I don't think
he's any less of a person. I don't look at
it in a negative way. It's just I wasn't beating
myself up over anything. It was just this is just
something that he has, and now that it's identified, we
know how to proceed and how to help him so
that he can have a fulfilling life.
Absolutely. So, how was his speech therapy? Did that work out? Okay?
Is he verbal and everything moving forward good for him?
Yeah? So he everything went well. And the woman that
we had was just an angel, like she was so
amazing with him. He was just very delayed with everything,
so that he was delayed with crawling, with walking, with
potty training, like everything. And I kind of realized as
soon as I quit stressing about it and just let
him do it his way and just support him, then
he would do it just fine. And so with speech
therapy it was kind of the same thing. There wasn't
any pressure. He would go like every other week, and
he did this for years. He actually did you know,
two years of preschool, he was in speech therapy for
six years. You know, sometimes he's still might you know,
if you compare him to other kids in his class,
like you can tell he might just sound a little
bit younger with the way he talks, but he's always
been verbal. It just it took him a little bit longer.
And then when he was working on pronouncing things. You know, again,
as a mom, I always knew what he was saying,
like I could understand him, but that doesn't help him
when he's with other people or in school peers. So yeah,
it really was just a work in progress. And I've
always been just fully dedicated to getting him the assistance
that he that he needs right to set him up
for success. And so I always followed through with whatever
homework the teacher gave us.
Sure, so is he in public school, private school? What
kind of school system is working for him?
So he's in public school, So he has what in
Montana anyways, it was called an IEP so an individualized
Education program. So there's like a set of things that
we come up with to give him extended support beyond
what you know, his other peers might have. And so
he had to, you know, show that he had this
diagnosis and stuff, and then the school approved these things,
and it's something that follows him throughout his schooling from
year to year and we just kind of keep tweaking
it as he goes. And so he's in public school.
But you know, at the start especially, I said, he
did two years of preschool and he really needed that.
He really it's getting better, but he really struggles with
emotional regulating his emotions and just here to peer interaction.
So how did that work with the other kids being
in the school with him? Was he able to handle that?
Okay, there was a lot of times where I think
it was the first his year of kindergarten or is
you know, in kindergarten he was able to go to
a separate classroom that was more for kids with different
types of disabilities and special needs and stuff. But the
thing with him being on the spectrum is he would
mimic a lot, and so if there were kids that
maybe needed more support, he would start copying their behaviors
and they were like, I'm not sure this is helping him.
So it's really been a journey figuring out the best
way to support him. But a lot of times he
would be able to go to like a we've been
so blessed with the schools and teachers that he's had
over the years. But there'd be like a special room
where the lights were always a little bit more dim,
it was more quiet, less stimulating, there wasn't hardly anything
on the walls, and so, especially if he was getting
worked up in class, he could go and you know
before he call it like got to the red zone
or you know, something like that, before he would freak
out because once he gets to that point, it takes
a lot. Just like anyone, once you get really angry,
it takes a while to calm back down. So he
would go to this other room. Sometimes they would have
like a tent where he could just feel more safe
and secure.
Sure was there any particular times that this flared up
for him.
Sometimes it would be like after a recess. You know,
he'd be so excited and amped up with all the
energy and being outside that that transition into class was
a struggle for him. So they're like, okay, you know,
he can go to so and so's room, and they
would even set a timer. He's very visual, so they
would set a timer that he could see and be
like okay, you have five minutes to kind of like
chill out or calm down. And he was very good
with that. And once, you know, even if he was upset,
like if he was really mad about something, they'd be like, Okay,
you have five minutes to get it all out and
then you're going back to class. And he always did
really great with that.
That's a great way to handle it. So in other places,
did you have any problems with Meldown's at all?
You know, it just depends on what.
It was.
So there is something certain events I've just learned to
do in moderation, you know, like you're even just busy stores,
grocery stores, and to always have a plan of action
and just you know, because sometimes if he's getting overstimulated,
he's a runner and he would just run and disappear.
And I mean that happened in a couple of stores
when he was little, and I mean as a parent,
it was terrifying being in you know, Walmart and all
of a sudden, he's gone, He's just gone. And when
he would get to that state of mind, there was
no reasoning, there was no thought of safety or anything.
And so there was those types of situations. There's certain
things where it's like, I know, to just bring headphones
if it's going to be very noisy. Sometimes even restaurants, right, Like,
sometimes it can just be a lot And so always
having tools like knowing what tools to have available depending
on the situation, because he will respond differently depending on
what it is. Like I said, sometimes he might just
take off running sometimes because he's not super aware of
his emotions as they're coming up. He won't know until
he's already really upset about something. If someone's ticking on them,
or a teacher is being really loud, even if they're
not being mean, there might it might make him kind
of feel anxiety. There's things that like once he gets
to that zone, like he's been aggressive in the past,
and again that was a learned behavior. So yeah, it
just depends on the situation. So you really gotta be prepared.
And this has just been something I've just been learning
as I go.
Right, Right, So you mentioned being picked on as we've
all heard a lot of people have problems with bullies.
Has he had any of those issues at all?
You know, I don't think anymore than anybody else. You know,
there's just conflict that comes up at times. He's always
kind of been that kid that hasn't had a lot
of close friends because he was like me, where we
just love everyone, like we we just love everyone, And
he'll just go up to someone and just start playing
with them.
So he's more of an extra for it.
Then he kind of is. Yeah, we're both, you know,
it's interesting. We're both very much alike, and I don't
know what we would fall under because we're both. There's
times where because we're both highly empathic too, so we
feel things very strongly, so especially with crowds or things,
even if it's good, it's we love being out with people,
but then we have to retreat. And so we definitely
are both. So I don't know what you would call that.
I call that good. Now, you brought up the fact
that you got him diagnosed, but you felt like you
were autistic as well, but you didn't get diagnosed, so
you feel you're autistic as well.
Yeah, it's kind of one of these things. I just
know it's something I've wondered for a while. And the
more I hang out and spend time or interact with
people who are you know, have aspergers or on the spectrum,
I'm like, oh, yeah, like, that's I get it.
Yeah, okay, so he's diagnosed, you're undiagnosed. Do you use
the fact that you feel that you're autistic to connect
with him so that he feels like you're both playing
on the same level in life?
You know, I feel like we've always had that connection, said,
even without the labels, we are so much alike. And
I just I get him. And so I honestly haven't
told him like you have this or you have that
a joke. And it actually helps a lot of other people.
I feel too, because you know how labels can be
great because, like I said, it gives you an idea.
It's a way to describe some things. Then you know
how to proceed. But they can feel really heavy and
limiting at times too. And so I say, I have
a squirrel brain, you know, And I say, like, you're
my little squirrel like and I give him like there's
all these tools that I've learned along the way throughout
my life. I didn't realize that that's what it was.
I didn't realize it was ad D, you know, Like
I just knew I like schedules, I like routines. If
I don't write things down, I forget them. I've always
been very organized. I have alarms for things. So I've
been navigating this for many years. But honestly, once I
realized and that it just like clicked, I I just
bald and I had so much relief because I all
of a sudden realized I didn't need to be more disciplined.
I didn't need to keep beating myself up. This was
just something that I have. And now that I know,
it's like I can just accept it and not be
so hard on myself and be like, Okay, I just
have to do things differently. That's it. But it's like
I was always trying to be more like I'm like, well,
how can this person do this? And I can't. I
just need to try harder. It's like, no, I just
need to do things differently. And so I talked to
him in that way. It's like, well, this way isn't
working for you. This way might work better for you,
you know, and just things like that.
I think that's actually pretty good. You can show him
these different ways of doing things and it doesn't fall
under just one template. That way, if he sees someone
else doing it a different way, and then someone else
doing a different way. He might come up with his
own way that's unique to him, but it still works
and gets things done.
Yeah. Absolutely, And I even tell him him doing it
his way is going to inspire other people because it's
like everyone has their own their own way that's you know, unique,
and there's there's just more than one way to get there.
But by you being authentic and honoring your way, you
might inspire a whole bunch of other people, you know.
And like, he really has those leadership qualities. So I'm like,
don't he can be such a people pleaser and try
to fit in, which again that was totally me. It's like, no,
just be authentic and do it your way, and it's
like you're going to show You're going to inspire and
show so many other people the possibilities.
Absolutely, that's a great mindset you get to instill upon
him that different is okay.
Yeah.
I just interviewed a sixteen year old artist from South
Africa and that's his slogan, It's Okay to be different.
He has a T shirt that he did. The slogan
is it's okay to be different and different is spelled
wrong because it's supposed to be different.
Well, I love that.
Yeah, so I think that's great that you're showing him
that there are different ways of doing things and the
label it can help, but it also can hurn. So
it's just a matter of when you use the label.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely, that's even you know, introducing myself. You know,
like you asked earlier, in different things. There's times when
it's like, okay, well I do all these things, but
depending on who you talk to, every single person is
going to interpret what that means and who you are
differently based on their lens, their filter, and their set
of beliefs. So it's helpful, but still at the end
of the day, I want people to just get to
know me, just you know, connect with me, experience me.
That'll tell you a lot more than what a label can.
Same as him, you know, it's like, just be yourself.
Absolutely. Some people are judgment not because they're trying to
be judgmental in a bad way. It's just their judgmental
because they don't understand or know any different other than
what their perception is. Yeah, so you said that early
on you thought you might be autistic as well, So
how is your teen years compared to what your sons
is even though he's not quite a teen yet. Do
you see any similarities.
It's something that I wondered for many years. I remember,
and I think it became more prevalent where I was
wondering as I was an adult, probably after I had
my son. You know, I had one of my clients
worked with, you know, kids with autism, and even her
her grandson was and I asked her and I was like,
do you think I have that? Because I'm like, I
struggle with eye contact and you know this and that,
and she's like, no, like you seem way too like.
I have people tell I had multiple people tell me
your way too like normal to have that. I'm like,
but I just have always felt different, and I've always
processed things different, and sure the eye contact could have
been a confidence thing, but it's like, no, like it's
making eye contact. I don't know what it is, and
I consciously know nothing's going to happen, but it's like
I feel like I'll explode, Like it is so like
it's so unnerving. It's something I've continually been working on.
But yeah, other people will have their perception still They're like,
I don't think you have that, and I'm like it
doesn't really matter what you think.
That's right, It only matters what you think. You have
to learn what is acceptable to you, what it's not,
and you have to take and incorporate that into your
life every day. It's a challenge to some degree. It
doesn't matter what they think. It only matters that you
know how to deal with it yourself.
It is. It's different, and there is a scale, just
like with almost anything of the severity, you know. So
it's like with my son's and myself, it's fairly mild,
but it still impacts our daily lives and everything we do.
It impacts my business, my relationships, my habits. So it's
just about navigating it. But with him, it's honestly, it's
just been such a gift. It's opened my eyes. And
this was before I understood myself, but it's opened my
eyes to a whole lens of life that I never
knew before. You know, him with his sensory processing disorder.
There are so many things that we celebrate, like we
really celebrate that most people would take for granted. Like
for him, getting a new pair of shoes was just horrid,
you know, like it was so awful, the textures and
something new. Same with with wearing hats and gloves. You know,
I grew up in the in cold country, and it's
like he could not handle the feeling of wearing those
things and so he couldn't be outside for very long
or I mean, his poor hands would just be beat
red and he wouldn't even know what was happening. So
it's like when he actually got to the point where
he could wear you know, a hat and gloves outside,
Like we celebrated when he could actually wear a coat
because you know, the certain fabrics, especially winter coats, Halloween costumes,
all those things. So every time he's been able to
actually do it, we celebrate and that makes him feel
good too, write like, cause it's not something that's necessarily
going to go away. He's just learning to cope with
it better. And we know it works and what doesn't.
But it's like I don't want to make him feel
bad about having to do things different, Like it's just
the way he is, Like he always wears socksunless he's
in the bathtub. He always wears socks. He doesn't like
Like what I think it is is the feeling of
his toenails touching you know, sheets, or I don't even
totally know, and it doesn't matter. But it's like, this
is just the way he is and that's okay. Same
with clothes. Once I realized he can't wear jeans, it
was like, wow, that makes it so easy. Now I
know like what clothes to get them. And honestly, I'm
so grateful he doesn't care what he like dresses. Like,
as long as it feels good, he's good. And I
love that he doesn't put I mean, he's only eleven.
We'll see what happens as he gets older, but he
doesn't really put any weight on what he dresses. Like
He's like, eh, doesn't matter. He's like I feel good
and I'm like great, Like that's all that matters.
That's really all that does matter. At this point. Things
can change, but hopefully it just stays the same and
he keeps growing.
Yeah. Well, like even Halloween. You know, we would go
trick or treating for years and he wouldn't have a
costume on and people would be like, you know, some
people were super sweet about it, and some people would
kind of look at us funny, and it was just like, like,
we're having As long as he's having fun, it doesn't
it doesn't matter, you.
Know, absolutely, It's all about kids growing, evolving and just
having fun. Sometimes people just forget that that's all it
needs to be, is that simple. Let's address some of
the things that maybe he had a tough time with
when he was younger. But now that he's eleven, evolving, growing,
he's looking at it now and saying, hey, this is okay.
Clothes are a really big one. And I mean, again,
that's something that we all take for granted. People don't
think twice about getting dressed in the morning or get
excited about shopping, and for him that was a struggle.
So that's a really really big one. And him just
I keep things structured, and he just knows he feels
good when we do things this way. And he doesn't
argue about it or anything like. He doesn't really fight me.
He just knows because he's experienced when things aren't like that,
or when we're on holiday or you know, when things
are a little different, and he starts having these meltdowns
and I kind of explain, well, it's partially because of this,
and you know, we'll do what we can. But he
navigates traveling so much easier than he used to staying
in hotels used to be said another thing that was
just horrible because it wasn't his room. He would just
cry and just want to be back in his room,
you know. So traveling, you know, vacations wasn't something that
was fun for him. So he's at a point now
where getting dressed in the day, just daily, navigating structures
and things like that, and traveling, those are all things
that he does really well now. And I make sure
I always praise him to like prais is a really
big thing and just acknowledge because he might be getting
used to those things to an extent too. And I
just want to be like, hey, kiddo, like like you're
doing great navigating this.
That's just so good to hear. I'm just glad for
the support you've given him and how he's responding. What
about food, I know I've heard that certain autistic people
will have issues with textures of food. Does he have
any issues like that at all?
Yeah? So he definitely has that as well. And it's
interesting because it changes. So it's like as soon as
you almost like figure out what this kid likes to eat,
all of a sudden he'll be like nope, like can't
do it, and I'm like and he's like, I'm sorry, Mom,
and I'm like, don't feel bad, Like it's okay, because
I can tell the difference between when it's sensory and
when he's just being picky, you know, because there's times
when he's just being picky and it's like, you're.
Fine, sure, we all have that problem from time to time.
So now that he's eleven, where do you see him, say,
six or seven years from now, when he's just about
ready to get out of high school or he has graduated,
what do you see his future looking like?
You know, again, I've looked at this as a gift,
Like he's he's super gifted. He sees things and experiences
things in ways that other people don't, and like his
imagination is absolutely incredible. So I know, beyond you know,
like these early years, I just think he's going to
do really great things. I just really know that, especially
with him having so much empathy and just wanting to
help people, Like, I know, if he desires to, he
will do really great things. But I think it'll be
really interesting. Now he's in middle school navigating because again
with the social stuff, it's like middle school's just a
hard age, I feel like for a lot of kids,
because your bodies are changing, your hormones are changing, your
thinking's changing. So it's kind of a confusing time for
a lot of people. And so I just remind him
to communicate, you know, to just be honest and communicate,
to be himself, and to know that if he's feeling
a certain way, a lot of other people are probably
feeling that way too, they just might not be talking
about it.
That's a great way to look at and you're giving
him great information. Now. I've been told that some that
are autistic tend to be a little more literal than others.
Does he fall into that category at all?
You know, he is, but I don't think quite as
much as me. I think I have more of that
than he does. And he's honestly, he's great at jokes.
It's like he doesn't always get them, but he's he's
an entertainer at heart, that kid, and he loves telling jokes.
But yeah, he has a literal mind. But I don't
think quite as much as me. But it depends on
what we're talking about. If I'll say, you know, it's
it's eight thirty, it's time for bed, He'll be like,
it's actually eight twenty eight, you know, or you know,
or I'll say we'll leave about this time. You know,
we'll leave about eight thirty. And so like he with
times and things like that, you know, if it's with
numbers or anything like that, he's very literal. But as
far as jokes and you know, certain things, he actually
does pretty good compared to how I how I do
with it.
Sure, I really think this is quite amazing, actually, because
some of the things that you've said, because you brought
up the fact that you thought you was autistic, because
you saw some of the things that he was doing
that you might have gone through. I think that you
have a lot a lot of similarities within each other.
I think that's just awesome.
You know, Alex said, our personalities a lot alike. But
and my parents always tried to give me as much
support as they could. But this was stuff we just
weren't aware of. So there was a lot of social
things where I think I really just tried to fit in.
I always loved everyone, but where I grew up it
could be very clicky and that just you know, I
just have never understood that. And so there was a
lot of years I really struggled, or even just I
have a very literal mind and so understanding jokes and
things like that. Sometimes I just don't get it or
I'll get it later and then I could laugh at it.
But when I was younger, I used to really beat
myself up and feel stupid and I was so embarrassed
and so just different things like that. But overall, I've
really felt like he'll navigate a lot better than I
ever did because we understand what's going on with him,
and because of my journey that I've had and being
you know, a life coach and understanding all these things
and having all these tools, like I feel like he
really has the best support that he can. I always say,
he's still going to go through struggles and have lessons
to learn, but he's really set up for success the
best that I feel like so much age can be.
Yeah, that's awesome. The reason why he's set up for
success is how you're raising him and your mental approach
to everything. I think that's great. Is there anything else
that you would like to tell people that we haven't discussed.
I would say to really find a way to just
love and accept yourself as you are, and to understand
that these are not limitations. These are actually your superpowers
and when you can understand them and know how to
navigate them like that is a gift that you can
give the world and it's beautiful. So it's like, it's
not a limitation. It's nothing to be down on yourself
for you're different. We're all different, you know, So do
things work with your body, work with your brain, and
just see it as a superpower and really love on yourself.
And I promise like things will will work out. They
just will.
That's a very good way of looking at it. And
I just love the word superpower because I've taught with
other autistic people that feel like autism is their superpower.
So I've really enjoyed this conversation really really good. And
I just got to say thanks for coming on. I
really appreciate it.
Yeah, thank you for having me. I am so grateful
for this conversation and giving me the opportunity to kind
of spread my message and some positivity out there. And yeah,
I appreciate it.
Yes, it's been my pleasure and positivity has been a
very good point to bring up. So again, thanks for
coming on, and we'll talk with everybody later. Thanks for
taking the time out of your busy schedule to listen
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