Sticky Situations | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour, Thanks again as usual for joining us today. How are you doing, Susan, I'm doing great. I'm almost rehabbed here. I know you and I with our headbands on and our burned faces, but we're almost there. I know you're a little bit ahead of me by three days. I'm jealous.

00:00:26
Speaker 2: And ladies and gentlemen, we're so glad to be back. If you haven't heard any of our recent episodes yet, you don't know what you're missing. We've been having a ball. We're answering questions, we're talking about our lives, and we just love doing this.

00:00:42
Speaker 1: We always love talking about our lives. And we know that you want to find us, and you know the drill by now. If you have a question for us, or you want to leave a comment, all you have to do is go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour send them our way. We love answering your questions. You can ask us questions about our facelift. We're dying to talk about it.

00:01:03
Speaker 2: Absolutely all right, Today we're going to get into more of the questions. But first, Kathy, let's get into last night's episode of Oh Susan.

00:01:13
Speaker 1: Susan Susan's Okay, we got to start. We got to start with Chalk. Did you love the beginning where Joan so he has what two grandchildren? Taylor and Tyler are his children? I don't know who, but she's talking to the little boy with his teeth and his smile. I mean, that was a very sweet moment there, and I thought that just shows how Joan is really close to her family, and one's a guy that she can be close with his family.

00:01:39
Speaker 2: Let's start with Guy. First of all, he made me cry. I actually teared up last night.

00:01:44
Speaker 1: Wait, wait before whoa whoaoa. Wait before you get into guy, did you hear one more things? Wait, but one more thing about Jock. Since we're going out of order here, we did so what you know, let's we're saving the first. We're saving the best for first. She said to Chalk, did you hear her tell him that she wants a man that she sees a future with and is in a commitment and she said he was on. Did you hear her say something to that effect that she was good with him?

00:02:17
Speaker 2: She's been saying that the whole time, and that she was attracted to him from the very beginning.

00:02:22
Speaker 1: And she said that when he came back from his mother's funeral, she felt differently. She just knew.

00:02:29
Speaker 2: I mean, I just think she was scared he wasn't going to come back. Yeah, well we already know that.

00:02:34
Speaker 1: I think. I think the next question, Susan is for chalk, and then we can move on to Guy. I just want to see the ring he picked out for what do you think I think he'll do good? He is eager to please. And when she says I see a future with him and has no reservations, I mean that tells me everything I need to know. Mm hmm.

00:02:52
Speaker 2: And she a couple times she referred to somebody as reminding her of her husband or her late husband, which is interesting.

00:03:03
Speaker 1: But let's start with Guy. All right.

00:03:06
Speaker 2: He actually opened up, I mean he really did. He was more vulnerable, his children, his sisters, his you know, he made me cry. He was amazing last night. He said, you know, if you make a wish and you throw something into like tahoe, then your wish will be granted. He said, the prize at the end is worth taking any risk. Like I think he knows what's you know, what's at stake. And I really feel like he was putting his all into this, this stake with he was very vulnerable and he's allowing himself to love again, and I just don't want.

00:03:48
Speaker 1: Him to get his heart broken, and I feel like he is. She brought Joan brought up John again. You know, this is a prevailing theme on this show, not this episode, the show where we're going back, we're talking about John, the guilt. Can she commit? And I think to some people that that may be a turn off, because you know, why is she there if she can't commit? I personally think Joan is ready to commit, but I think she still struggles a little bit with uh, you know, the death of John. And that's certainly understandable, right, sure, it's three and a half years.

00:04:22
Speaker 2: But one thing I noticed, and she repeated this with two of them, Kathy, she said, I'm worried he wouldn't pick me.

00:04:30
Speaker 1: I know, I heard that. What the hell? I don't know. She said that to Jordan, Jordan's guy, and Jordan's exactly. And that's so interesting that she would say that because although, well we'll get to Jordan a minute, let's finish with guy. Guy did a great job. He did. He said, how important family is to him, and that's it is her joan, and that he's going all in. His family seemed to love her and said they hadn't seen their dad behave this way in a long time.

00:05:05
Speaker 2: When he was talking to his sons and they're like dad, and he was like, that's when he teared up and it got crazy.

00:05:12
Speaker 1: And then and then he said, sometimes you've got to rush in where fools don't go or something I'm not you know, sound direct quote. I just think for the first time guy put himself that I want her, you know, not as much as chalk in his behavior, but you could.

00:05:30
Speaker 2: Tell he's really hated as well. As we'll go to the next one, my pastoral. Let me just tell you I loved all of it. I love the energy, maybe because I'm in the salon. I was in the salon, so my life compared to his, like I kept doing comparison things all the way.

00:05:51
Speaker 1: He stole my heart. You know, you guys can talk here all night long. It'll be titillating discussion. Everyone will be snoring at the table. But Pascal did say I like to be in charge, and I think that's very clear about him. I don't think I mean, it doesn't matter. I don't think in the show he wants a partner as much as he wants a peacock. You know, he wants someone to show off. He wants I.

00:06:15
Speaker 2: Mean, he wants a good looking woman, but he wants to be in love. He's again, he's another one that is protecting himself. He's had billions of girlfriends, they said, but nothing serious he really wants. But I don't know that he's ready to say I want to marry you.

00:06:35
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know. I think we got that teaser where Pascal's daughter, I think the name was Natalie, so may as Natalie said, you know, but what if I heard correctly, what she actually said was I don't think my dad won't choose you, which is a double negative, which means she's saying, yeah, it's out there that he could choose you. I think Maxim, his son, you know that they know their dad. I think the most touching thing for me. I know I sound sort of you know, sarcastic or whatever, but I thought he showed a lot more emotion to his son, Maxim, you know I love you, saying you know I've always loved you like I'm not hearing that to Joan, I'm hearing that to his son. Well, that's his family, how about that? Excuse me, wait in the front. Oh my god, I want to take him home with me. Wait a minute, Wait a minute. You said that's his family. If he's on here to find love, Joan would become his family. So for him, understood.

00:07:30
Speaker 2: But to open up on TV and talk to your family, Yes, you're going to say those things.

00:07:35
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean, I just listen. I'm sure Pascal is a nice guy. I'd love to meet him, but I don't think Joan is his woman. I don't think he's our guy. I think he's interesting, great TV for some people. I did find it interesting that Joan said, uh, he lives epic like John did. I think that's what a sort of pascal. He has money, he takes charge, you know, he'll fly on a jet to Paris. He's going to do all those things. And that's quote epic living like I guess her husband treated her. But other than that, I don't see the connection with those two. I really don't. That's your opinion, which guess what is. But you know what, it makes him available for you? Yeah? Absolutely, And I love Chicago. I used to live there, So to Chicago, to Chicago. Moving on to Jordans you love it, Okay, Okay, I'm just gonna I gotta say one thing about Jordan. In short, he is not ready to commit, and in fact, I was not surprised at all that he was sound, not at all. He just said I don't think he is ready, or at least during filming, I think he was not to be ready.

00:08:49
Speaker 2: But he's not one hundred percent or or perhaps now this is a perhaps Joan isn't the right woman's when.

00:08:59
Speaker 1: You really feel it, you're going to say it. Yeah, Well, I also think you know, he said he had walls up. Joan mentioned it to walls up, not open to the process. I think that's very true. You and I've talked about this. We believe in the process. That's why we would love to have had a second chance. It can work. I don't think it's working for Jordan and Joan and Joan again, you know, she's talking about the fun time. Literally those were her words. I have such a fun time with him. That is not she said, kissing. The kissing, oh, the kissing. That is not the stuff of romance and falling in love and being engaged.

00:09:35
Speaker 2: I just look and let me ask you something, Kathy, when you're dating somebody.

00:09:41
Speaker 1: I can't remember. Wait a minute, wait a minute, when you're dating someone, let me let me rewind my mind. Okay, I'm there.

00:09:46
Speaker 2: You didn't do a lot of dating because you got married so young, so you might not get this. But when I'm dating somebody, the best part is the kissing. I look forward to the kiss.

00:09:58
Speaker 1: No, I mean I look for it's the whole intimate things.

00:10:00
Speaker 2: Wait a minute's not finished yet, all right, I look forward to the kiss that somebody knows how to kiss. So you have to if you will make out to see if that vibe is there, that connection is there.

00:10:15
Speaker 1: Can I just say chemistry is there?

00:10:17
Speaker 2: And she is not making out with any of them except for Chalk.

00:10:22
Speaker 1: I agree with all that tiny bit.

00:10:24
Speaker 2: With Pascal in another episode, but that that's as a tell all to me watching her kiss to me.

00:10:30
Speaker 1: First of all, I just want to say, I'm very impressed with you, Susan. While you struggle to know what hooking up means, you've got making out down, so congratus making it. I think you're showing your age. I think that I agree with you to a pay point. I don't say making out anymore? What do I come on?

00:10:48
Speaker 2: Would you know you got married at twelve, and you know what, you don't have boyfriends, So come on, I'm going to teach you, Kath.

00:10:55
Speaker 1: You're not teaching me to make out, Thank you very much. I can do just find it on myself, thank you very much. But I think that these other guys, including Jordan, you know, they love their kids. They they talk about you know, Jordan talked about his divorced from ten years ago. These are people that have had rich lives. They've had ups and downs just like we've had. But I think in this case there there just isn't that connection with Joan. And I think Jordan when when she sent him home last night, I don't think he looks sad. He I think, you know, maybe he was a little embarrassed or whatever that he was surprised and then she walked him out.

00:11:40
Speaker 2: She walked him out and they didn't have much to stay out there. It was really nice getting to know you.

00:11:45
Speaker 1: Yep. Yeah, but you know what, that was pretty obvious. Yeah, But you know what, Listen, wouldn't you rather have that than a broken heart? Wouldn't you rather have, you know what, like Gary with Golden Bachelor. He could be, he could be. But the point is, I love the fact that they both seem to realize and put it out there on national television Bachelor Nation. Jordan's a great guy, but he wasn't for her and she wasn't for him, you know, I I I think I think it was a great episode in terms of we're narrowing it down really quickly, but you and I'm still envious man that she seems to have found a man she loves. I can't wait for the men tell all to you know, to see with all the people that had there. That was beautiful too. He's got a lot of friends.

00:12:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was so beautiful.

00:12:41
Speaker 1: Isn't that what you like about this show? Though we see family, we see it's not just two young people fall in love and you know, picking up and moving to New York City. It's it's people that have lives and have loved was he wasn't he the father in law Kathy's dad? Oh my gosh, I was special. Oh and he just you know, he just told him, you're in love.

00:13:04
Speaker 2: He looked at him and said, I see it in your eyes and how he was he wasn't quite ready to actually say the words. He said everything else, yes, but then he is going to go all in. As he walked her to the car, that's when he said it.

00:13:24
Speaker 1: He said, I love you. Yes, you know, I must have been taking a sip of vodka. I did not hear that. I did not miss He finally opened up, he said, I love you. He she felt it, yep. Okay, I'm going to rewind it and listen if that if he.

00:13:39
Speaker 2: Said that after sitting with his father in law, and he wasn't denying how he felt.

00:13:46
Speaker 1: His father or his father, I'm confused. Now, who is he sitting with the old Kathy? That's Kathy's father or his father? No, I thought it was Kathy's father. Okay, well he wasn't married to Kathy. Oh, Kathy's when he was engaged to for like eight or nine years and she passed away. They never did that was her dad, Yeah, I believe because she passed away writers, But I think anyhow, that father, Yeah, he's the one that said, I'm looking in your eyes. I see it in your eyes that you're in love with her. You're in love.

00:14:21
Speaker 2: And that's when I feel like he finally accepted it and he was able to say it. Yeah, I loved I love this that Joan needed to hear it from any of them or all of them for her to make that decision.

00:14:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know. I found it touching. I found it very touching that Kathy's dad a was there. It shows that he has such a strong relationship with chob or seemingly so, but also that they were he was so welcoming to Joan, Like, those are the little nuggets of the show that that I feel like, Oh, they captured it, you know, they caught the love of older people and what it means to have a relationship with an older person. You know what. We have our children, we have grandchildren, we have friends. In Chalk's case, he has this woman that he, you know, came that close to marriage with and so her dad, Kathy's dad, is such an important part of his life. I love those parts of the show. I love that That's what gives it a real you know, it brings back the love, it brings back the hope that we all have for the future.

00:15:28
Speaker 2: Absolutely, but it just breaks my heart when she walked in there and there was three roses and four men.

00:15:34
Speaker 1: I get it.

00:15:35
Speaker 2: Somebody's got to go home and the worst part is yet to come after the overnight.

00:15:40
Speaker 1: Somebody's got to go home, you know. Yeah, Well it breaks my heart. No, sooner they go home, the sooner we get to meet them. What is wrong with you? So wait?

00:15:59
Speaker 2: So you know how, they have the coming shows and then they'll put on the bottom. If you want to be a part of the next season, please fill out your application. I almost downloaded it. I want to apply again. You think they'll accept me for the next Bachelor.

00:16:12
Speaker 1: I think you and I should do it together. All right, Kathy, it's time for our question of the day. So are you ready? Oh? I am so ready. Okay, you're gonna.

00:16:25
Speaker 2: Know what's something you did as a parent that you're incredibly proud of? Just one thoughkay, not everything. One thing that you did as a parent that you're incredibly.

00:16:38
Speaker 1: I was going to make a funny joke since I say I got three kids to adulthood without you know, murdering anyone. But what I would say is, and the truth is, I am incredibly proud that all three of my children give back to their community. They all either have jobs where they you know, give back or they all find time to give back to their community, and I think that's beautiful. That's what about you.

00:17:05
Speaker 2: First and foremost, all three of my children believe in God. That we instilled that in them, and they were able to choose what type of religion they wanted to practice or whatever. But they got that here at home. And I was really wanting to say, no, we really wanting to say that they all know how to clean, but they don't do it.

00:17:26
Speaker 1: So I guess you know what, You and I share that too. Cook Susan and I are both really very clean, neat and tidy organized people, and some of our children are. And some of our children were raised by bears in the woods.

00:17:42
Speaker 2: Although Brittany's trying to cook, I think Nick really took up the cooking part cause he'll come over and ask me, Mom, how do you make that? Again? And he does it. So that's kind of cool. And they're all great parents, well two of them.

00:17:53
Speaker 1: Wait. Can I just tell you, you know, we beat this one to death. I don't cook very much. We talk a little bit. Do you know that my daughter and my son, two of my three children are really good cooks. No, and really good cooks. The next time I visit, I'm going to their house. I said, what's the matter, you don't like my frozen macaroni and cheese? Next time I'll get you do. All right, let's get into these fan questions. It's our favorite time. We love this. All right, here we go Question number one. This is from Marissa, who is forty three from Chula Vista, California. Hi, Kathy and Susan, hope you are both doing well. I wanted to write in about an issue I'm having with my partner. We have been together for two years and just moved in together earlier this year. Something I've noticed only since we started living together is that when he gets angry, he gives me the silent treatment. The silent treatment really doesn't work for me because I have no idea what he's feeling and what he's upset about. It just makes me anxious and spiral as I'm someone who needs to things out. I feel like it's just really childish and we need to have better communication if we're going to last for the long haul and possibly get married. I've brought it up with him, and he says he will try to be better, but it seems to only have gotten worse. Do you think this is a major red flag and or a deal breaker for us? If not, how do you think we can work through this? Any advice is welcome. Thank you ladies, and love your podcast.

00:19:25
Speaker 2: Well, thank you Marissa for reaching out to us. So this is like a two part thing for me, Kathy. Okay, A, she did bring it up to him that it doesn't work for her. I get that, b sometimes if you know that's who he is, and he has to do that silent thing for him when he's ready, he will discuss it. Now, when I put myself in her shoes, I feel the same way. I would haunt him, Like, Okay, I get your silent treatment. What the hell's on your mind?

00:19:59
Speaker 1: What do you want to talk about?

00:20:01
Speaker 2: Let's talk about it because if it goes on too long, then I'm pissed off and I don't even know why I'm pissed off.

00:20:06
Speaker 1: I'm pissed off because you're silent, do you know what I mean?

00:20:10
Speaker 2: So try and sit him down again, have a really serious conversation, like, Babe, let's plan on. You can only give me the silent treatment for three hours. After that, I'm gonna go crazy.

00:20:24
Speaker 1: What do you think. Well, I actually somewhat agree with you. I think that when some people just need time to cool off, to ponder, meditate, whatever it is they do to process whatever's happened, the danger is, and I think that's where Marie is going here, is my husband was a guy that would process it internally, and then it was over and he didn't want to talk about it. I know, Susan, you'll be shocked to know that I wanted to talk things out. So that was the problem. It's not that you have to do it right in the moment, but oftentimes it seems that people who want to, you know, not talk about it in the moment really are saying they don't want to talk about it at all. So Marissam, my advice to you would be let him excuse me.

00:21:20
Speaker 2: You notice where she said she never noticed it until they moved in together, So obviously that's just how you wouldn't even know. Like you just made a great point, he might have gotten over it by the time.

00:21:31
Speaker 1: He saw her again exactly.

00:21:34
Speaker 2: It might not even be her, it might be upset about something else.

00:21:39
Speaker 1: But the point is, if Marissa is probably a lot like me, she wants to know what he's upset about whether it's or exactly. So marissam my advice, she would be, you know, Susan's wright, give it some amount of time. But the communication I would have is that he needs to communicy kate with you at some point. What he's angry about where his head is how we got from A to B, because otherwise it's just going to cause you distress and then you're going to become resentful. So you know, give him a space and then say we got to talk about.

00:22:15
Speaker 2: It and it's our three c's correct, Kathy, communicate, commit it compassion.

00:22:23
Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, you know, it's interesting they're having these issues that they've moved in and she said for the long haul and maybe even marriage. So I'm not sure how committed this is at this point, but Marisa, I wish you all that We both wish you all the best, and as bad as she thinks, right right? Is it a major red flag? No, you know it's not a major red flag. It's only a major red flag if you two cannot come to an understanding about how you're going to communicate about issues, that's when it becomes a major red flag. I agree, Hey, Kathy, and I agree again, I don't know who's happening here. I thank you, Marissa. I think there's an eclipse outside. We're too much, all right.

00:23:04
Speaker 2: We have question number two and this is from Alice, who is twenty seven from Spokane, Washington, Golden Hour Podcast. Hello, my name is Alice, and I have a question for you. I am in a new relationship with a great guy. He checks all my boxes and seems to be what I've been looking for in a partner. Well, that sentence right there just gave me goosebumps.

00:23:30
Speaker 1: Well, hold your breath, because read the next sentence. I like the first part.

00:23:34
Speaker 2: The only problem is he keeps bringing up his ex. Oh God, they broke up years ago, and he really does seem to be over her. He just keeps bringing her up casually, like if we go somewhere we went, or if there's a funny story. I have told him that it bothers me and that I don't want to hear about his past because it takes me out of the present and us being together. He says he understands, but has still brought her up a few times since. Do you think this means he's not over her? I really can't tell, and my friends say, it seems like he's obsessed with me, So maybe he just is someone who is a little too nostalgic. Curious about your thoughts on this, Thank you, ladies.

00:24:27
Speaker 1: I think if we agree on this one, I got to say, if they broke up a long time ago and he's still talking about her, he has either not had a life in between dating her and meeting this one, so all he has to talk about is his ex from ten years ago, because apparently had no life between her and meeting this new one. Alice, But I don't think it's a red flag, but it does concern me that he talks about her a lot, particularly when you said, uh, it makes you uncomfortable, and he says he understands, and then he keeps doing it.

00:25:05
Speaker 2: So I don't know, what do you think creature a habit? Like maybe he's familiarized Oh my gosh, I remember doing this with her, or she didn't say that he's complaining about her, just that he talks about her.

00:25:17
Speaker 1: I'd like to know what it is he's talking about, like do you really care? Wait? Do you really care? I guess I don't know. I don't know if it would bother me. Oh, well let me let me just paint a little picture for you. I and you know this story. I went out on a date with a guy whose wife had passed away like three years previous to the date. All the guy did was, I don't know what her name was, let's call her Susan. All he did was talk about Susan Olner. I was like, get out. I understand that.

00:25:47
Speaker 2: I feel like, because it's his past, his wife that passed.

00:25:51
Speaker 1: This one doesn't this is his past too, Yes, but she's not dead. Oh so so wait a minute, I.

00:25:58
Speaker 2: Think still grieving maybe, or still trying to compare it. So let me get the tr But we're not talking about him.

00:26:07
Speaker 1: So it's okay to talk about your dead exes, just not your current not. Remember on our show, Kathy and Gary had his wife in the closet the picture, and all I kept thinking was, when you pick somebody to be with.

00:26:22
Speaker 2: I hope you put that picture away. Yeah, well somewhere where he could refer to it. Maybe, But you have to let go. You don't replace, but you let go and you move on. I mean, but for this case, he says he understands, but has still brought her up a few times. Yeah, honey, if you could tell me in what context he's bringing her up, and that might help me to say, hey, tell him to you know what.

00:26:52
Speaker 1: Or well, also if he's made improvement, Alice, let's you know, if you brought her up all the time in the beginning, announced just a few ten times, that's called progress. So give the guy a break, Kathy.

00:27:03
Speaker 2: Would you be like when he brought it up, say you're that? Would you be like, here we go again. I gotta hear about her?

00:27:09
Speaker 1: I mean, oh, we played moral quandary? No, God, don't even bring up Okay, So wait, wait, wait, I just want I just want to say one more thing to Alice. Yes, yes, if this guy ticks all your boxes and he seems perfect, I want to be the first to say mozzle to you and break the bad news to you. He's not perfect. You know why, Alice. There's no such thing as perfect. So love him and embrace him with all his imperfections, and hopefully he stops bringing up his X. But he's making progress, so stick with that.

00:27:42
Speaker 2: That reminds me Kathy verse a poem that I sometimes do at a wedding, and it starts with he's not perfect, Then you aren't either, But sometimes you meet somebody that was perfect for you.

00:27:55
Speaker 1: Oh man, since you should, you should chisel that in stone and right front walk in. Okay, all right, let's move it along. This one is for question from Ben. He's thirty six from Hollywood, Florida. I spent a summer in Hollywood, Florida. Once. Okay, hello and Susan and Cathy. My wife listens to your podcast and she told me to write into y'all spoken like a true Southerner for some advice because she doesn't know what else to say. So here I am. We are expecting our first baby early next year, and we are both excited. We just had our little gender reveal party with our family last month and we found out we're having a boy. We smiled and acted excited with the family, but when we got home, we both broke down. We were really hoping to have a girl, and now it feels like we are less excited about the baby, and we feel absolutely terrible about that. I don't feel like I can talk to my friends about it because whenever I share that I am not as excited about a boy, they think I'm crazy. I just always saw myself as one of those girl dads. I know we will maybe have a girl in the future, but I can't shake this super disappointed feeling about the kind of family we thought we'd have. My wife said, you both have boys and girls, so I was hoping you could give us some advice on how to get excited about a baby boy. Thank you both. We look forward to hearing what you have to say, ghosts, because I got blessed ones. They're heart. It's blessed their heart.

00:29:24
Speaker 2: So I will say this, when that baby comes. You're gonna laugh at the feelings that you're having right now because it's something you can't even just put into words. It won't matter, but I get it you were hoping for something, and it was a little disappointing that, oh my gosh, it's not a girl, all the girl clothes you want to buy, all the things. Usually people get upset when it's not a boy. So this one's a little different from me.

00:29:53
Speaker 1: Now, that's just because you're Italian Suitsan. Most people don't give a damn what they're having a long best, everybody buys a son to carry on the name, you know. But for God bless you.

00:30:04
Speaker 2: I just hope that baby's perfectly healthy, and you will never think twice about what you're feeling right now.

00:30:09
Speaker 1: But it's okay if you want to have a girl. So yeah, here's what I would say to you. It's your first child, and you didn't have to tell me this was your first child with your wife, because everything you wrote screams first time parent. But here's what I'm going to say to you. If the most important thing, and it sounds trite, but it really isn't the most important thing is that you have a healthy child. That's what matters. And whatever God or whatever higher being, if you believe in that is going to give you is the best thing ever healthy, ten fingers and ten toes. And here's the thing, Susan's right, when you hold that baby for the first time and you realize that you and your wife created this child, your heart will expand. I remember I had a son. My first child was a son, and I really wanted a girl. The second time and I had another son, and when I held him, I was worried, ben I was worried I wouldn't love him as much because you know, I had a son, I had the perfect son. But you know what happens. You you hold that baby and your heart expands. Just it. I can't explain it to you, but you love that one as much as the first one, and so good luck to you. Congratulate.

00:31:32
Speaker 2: Don't don't you want to say to them, it's all right to have that feeling. Don't be impor it is to say, oh, man, I'm disappointed. I was really hoping for a girl, but I can't wait to see myself.

00:31:42
Speaker 1: And it's okay. It's you know, it's okay to feel disappointed, But as Susan said, it's going to be short lived because once you hold that baby, and oh, the first smile, your son will have you wrapped around his finger. Ben, So get ready. Congratulations to you both. Let us know how it.

00:32:00
Speaker 2: Don't ever ever hesitate to ask us anything. But I'm glad your husband went and wrote it for you. I really have.

00:32:08
Speaker 1: To both of you, all right.

00:32:17
Speaker 2: Question number four, and this is from Cat. She's sixty two and she's from Syracuse, New York.

00:32:22
Speaker 1: Good afternoon, girls.

00:32:25
Speaker 2: I don't really have anything to ask in particular, but I was just dumped and thought I turned to my podcast friends for some love. I was in a fairly new relationship. I was super excited about the for the first time since my late husband passed. It had been years since I dated, and I was so happy to be feeling those butterflies again. Then about nine months in, he just dumped me and blindsided me out of nowhere. He didn't give me much of a reason, just said he really that he didn't want to be tied down. And she quotes what seventy year old man says this, I have an answer for that. Now. We haven't talked in a few weeks and I'm just totally heartbroken. I can barely sleep, or eat or get out of the house right now. I was so excited about finding love again. Any words of wisdom or love for a broken heart are welcome. Love you girls lots, and just wanted a virtual hug. I am sorry, the biggest we are sending the.

00:33:30
Speaker 1: Huge you we are. Let me just say, Kat, first of all, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband. You know I'm living that life too. What seven year old man says this? What you know he does want to be tied down? Probably a guy you don't say, but either he was divorced or single, whatever his situation was. He likes the idea this doesn't reflect on you, Kat, That's what I want you to hear. He he is obviously enjoying his freedom, his his newfound whatever it is he's doing. And either he just wants to keep it that way, or and that has no reflection on you, or he dated you for nine months and he decided, you know what, maybe that's when he realized he didn't want to be tied down. Or maybe you're not the right one. And you know what, Cat, that's okay. It's okay that you're not the right one for him, because you're going to meet a lot of guys who aren't right for you. So we you know, I love you, We love you. I'm sorry you have a broken heart. It will get better. It will get out and get out and do things though, Kat, Do not sit on your sofa just, you know, moaning, moaning the fact that you guys have broken up. Get out, get up, move you'll feel better. What do you think, Susan?

00:34:49
Speaker 2: And what I want to share is I get it. What an asshole that he blinds on it? You just when you thought things were great. It sucks, It hurts. You gotta pick up the pieces. You can't go crazy trying to get him back, because.

00:35:06
Speaker 1: Then we look foolish.

00:35:07
Speaker 2: And trust me, I've done these foolish things, and I'm so happy now today that I've overcame some of these things that I would do because I wouldn't understand why. What was it something I said? Did I do something? Don't even ask? Obviously it's not the right one, and it does sting. And I'm glad you reached out to us, because we would hug you so much.

00:35:28
Speaker 1: But since I have a question, I have a question. Do you think I know she feels blindsided. I know Cat feels blindsided, but I'm guessing you know the guy's not necessarily a jerk. He may have been wait, he may have been feeling undecided and maybe started pulling away a little bit, and because she wanted it so much, she didn't read the room. We do that when we want something. That's what I'm saying. We don't know. I'm saying we don't know, So Cat, maybe he was struggling for the last few months to find a way to tell you, and you were just so happy you didn't want to see it. But either way, it doesn't matter. He's not the right guy for you. Please pick yourself up go get your hair with a big ouch. Though it is a big ouch, but stinks. It does stink. But you know what, sitting around and telling yourself how awful you feel and you know life did me wrong is not going to get her to a better place. So Kat, get.

00:36:28
Speaker 2: Time, time, time, and find some.

00:36:34
Speaker 1: Retail therapy. That would be me, retail therapy.

00:36:36
Speaker 2: Get your hair done, go get your nails done, or you know, when you get under somebody else, you'll get over that.

00:36:43
Speaker 1: Listen, Kat, I will be in Auburn, New York for Christmas because that's where my son in lawt family lives. So if you need a shopping buddy, let me know. I'll take you out. We'll paint the town white and you'll be lacking. You go to dinner and drinks with her. I'll do the shopping.

00:36:59
Speaker 2: Thank you, but thank you for writing it and Sharon, and my heart goes out to you. All right, Kathy, it's time for a game today. I guess what I'm so excited about. We're switching things up.

00:37:11
Speaker 1: It's not wait game. Wait a second. Just for our listeners, I would like you to know there is no shock in awe here for Susan say, we're switching things up. All Susan's done is bitch Moon and complain to the producers about how much she hates moral quandary. See she's still y'all can't say she's making a fan. So what these life advice Roulette? That's right? What could these wonderful producers do but make you happy? So let's get going and play life Advice.

00:37:43
Speaker 2: We're going to take turns reading some common pieces of advice, some of which are hot takes, and we will each discuss if we agree or we disagree, and why you want to read the first one?

00:37:57
Speaker 1: Kathy? All right, yeah, I got it, all right? All right, you agree or disagree. Sometimes it's okay to settle. You don't always need to chase the perfect situation. Good enough can be just fine, for example romantic relationships. You agree or disagree? I disagree.

00:38:16
Speaker 2: And you know what I like about this game because I get to say what I think about me.

00:38:21
Speaker 1: I can't guess what somebody else is doing, and I've failed like game. Thank the producers against the producers. Yeah, yeah, our producers. I love each and every one of you. Okay. I think sometimes it is okay to settle, but not when it comes to a romantic relationship. Well then, but you don't Well it says you don't always need to chase the perfect situation. Listen, Susan, there are no perfect men. We you and I've talked about this.

00:38:54
Speaker 2: Nobody said perfect men. We're talking about a perfect romance or relationship.

00:38:59
Speaker 1: I'm saying, there is no perfect romance or relationship. We all settle. What are you willing to put up with? We've all talked about it, So settling, I think that's the wrong word. It's it's if you know that it's not something you want and something you can't live with, then you're settling. But you know, if I want a tall, dark and handsome guy with a thick head of hair and I meet a tall guy with a bald head, am I settling? Hell? No, Right, that's all I'm saying. It depends on what it is. All right, Right, you do the next one? All Right?

00:39:30
Speaker 2: You don't have to love your job. It's okay to just like it. Not everyone finds passion and work, and that's okay.

00:39:39
Speaker 1: Absolutely agree, And I'll tell you what, Yes, but some people find their love and passion in their volunteer work, in their family life. Right, So you don't. It's okay, all right. The next one, I wish it was mine. Oh no, it's mine, and I get to give vipen first. Fake it until you make it actually works. Confidence can come through acting like you know what you're doing even when you don't. And I'm going to say so strongly that I agree that this stay. I knew you would too, and you know why, because it's the old belief that if you believe in yourself, if I wake up every morning and say, Kathy, you got this, then my behavior, my attitude is going to be that.

00:40:32
Speaker 2: All day long. Absolutely, So, yes, you make it. Friends, blood is thicker than water. Family is family, and just because you don't get along doesn't mean you cut ties.

00:40:46
Speaker 1: Ooh, that's a tough one. It depends on what that family member did. But they're right.

00:40:50
Speaker 2: Family is family, it's blood. You just learn to deal and you accept things that you cannot change.

00:40:58
Speaker 1: So that sounds like something out of a Norman Rockwell album that you dug up.

00:41:03
Speaker 2: I think alcoholism that's one of the steps or something. Except James, Yeah, people in AA. That was one of the things I learned from my ex husband going through it.

00:41:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, what what did you harmally as family. Well, yeah, yeah, and vanilla milk is vanilla milk. What's your point? My point is you cannot change, yes, but you don't. How much time do you have to spend with the family that you don't like. I'll be very honest with you. I come from a large family, and I don't spend a lot of time. Granted we live in very different states they Most of my family live in Massachusetts. You know. I see my brother in California, and I'm very close to my sister who lives in Ottawa, Canada. But the rest of them, I don't really see that much.

00:41:50
Speaker 2: Okay, But we're just saying a family is family, and just because you don't get along well by definition meaning you cut the ties. So if you didn't get along, would you ties completely?

00:42:01
Speaker 1: Well, I got one sister, I'm thinking about it.

00:42:03
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you've had a different child the most I will say.

00:42:06
Speaker 1: Let's move on to the next one. I know you don't have to be a morning person to be successful. Productivity isn't tied to waking up early. Night owls can thrive too, absolutely, I suppose, But I like to be the listen. You better believe this. Susan if you're a night nurse that works the eleven to seven shift, you better believe it. I guess any think that happened? All right? Excuse me.

00:42:33
Speaker 2: You don't need to forgive someone to move on. Letting go of resentment doesn't always mean offering forgiveness. WHOA this was meant for me?

00:42:43
Speaker 1: Well? Good? What do you think.

00:42:46
Speaker 2: Letting go of resentment is really difficult? I do need to forgive, even though it will always be I might still always resent, but I have to tell myself that I forgive some somebody for something.

00:43:02
Speaker 1: To move on.

00:43:04
Speaker 2: I can't open myself for new if I'm not past the I mean we're talking relationships, right.

00:43:10
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well I don't think it's necessarily just relationships, but I.

00:43:15
Speaker 2: Think I do because that's what we're talking about.

00:43:21
Speaker 1: Well, okay, but.

00:43:24
Speaker 2: You can't move on if you're still resenting somebody I agree with.

00:43:27
Speaker 1: You, or if you I agree. But I also think if we're talking about relationships, you can. This is something I had to learn. You can forgive someone for bad behavior or or some some issue that occurred, but that doesn't mean you need to go back. A lot I've met people who think, well, I forgave him or I forgave her so I can jump back in for me, those don't go hand in hand. I think that being able to move on requires that you're able to forgive and let go of the resentment. But sometimes people take that as a pass. I forgave him, right.

00:44:08
Speaker 2: And go of resentment doesn't always mean offering forgiveness. So I think, yeah, we want to say we're forgiven, but we might not deep down inside, because if you're hurt that.

00:44:20
Speaker 1: Bad, Susan, I have, let me just tell you, I have let go of all the resentment and I have forgiven you for every transgression. Whatever I go on, Oh this is so for you, This is perfect. Money can buy happiness to an extent.

00:44:39
Speaker 2: Financial security and comfort ran significantly improve quality of life. Do you agreeerness, I mean, money makes it easier sometimes, but then you want bigger and better things, so it's not always that.

00:44:54
Speaker 1: That's a hard one.

00:44:56
Speaker 2: Financial security and comfort can the quality of life.

00:45:01
Speaker 1: It doesn't say it always does, but I think that is a no brainer. It absolutely can. And people who have serious illnesses, you know, who have the financial means to excuse me, who are the financial means to fight that illness because they have that money, financial security. Can you know a lot of issues in marriage come over money. Yeah, over money, So yeah, I think it absolutely can. All right, your partner doesn't have to be your best friend. Different relationships serve different purposes. It's okay if they're not your everything. I can tell you. For me, I love the concept of having a partner to be my best friend. That's all I live for. But I don't. My husband and I were not best friends. We knew each other, but I had lots of girlfriends. Yeah, I can't, so I have never experienced that, have you. Hmm? I want my best friend. That's what I do too. I want like I.

00:46:05
Speaker 2: Look at Lottie and Ray and they're best friends and they both have friends outside the marriage. They're just they would like to have the perfect marriage to me, But well, excuse me, they have what the perfect marriage?

00:46:17
Speaker 1: No?

00:46:17
Speaker 2: They do not have said to me when I look at them as a couple, to me that it's perfect. They get along, they're fun together.

00:46:27
Speaker 1: Okay.

00:46:28
Speaker 2: You don't owe anyone an explanation for your life choices. Just because someone asks doesn't mean you need to explain yourself wholeheartedly.

00:46:37
Speaker 1: Agree wholeheartedly? Yes, I mean if it's your husband or wife or partner asking you, yet you probably own an explanation other than that not feeling like chatting about it? All right, all right, you don't speak someone just because your best friend does. People's conflicts are their own and you can form your own opinions and relationship. Duh.

00:47:02
Speaker 2: All right, well, well that was way more fun, then go ahead's say it.

00:47:08
Speaker 1: Kay. The game I'm seriously missing called Moral Quandary. I hope they bring it back soon. It was my favorite, but of course, you know, whatever Kathy wants, Susan gets. Okay, that does it for this episode.

00:47:25
Speaker 2: I think I got you that one so much better than Moral So everybody be sure to submit your questions to us at Bachelor nation dot com s Last Golden Hour.

00:47:36
Speaker 1: Wait wait, Susan, could you ask them? Could we ask people to please write in their votes? Do they want to see more Moral Quandary or more yes? Please?

00:47:45
Speaker 2: Do people? Please agree with me. I'll come find you and thank you guys for listening to us. I hope you're enjoying it as much as we are.

00:47:55
Speaker 1: We love giving you advice, We love your comments, so please keep them coming, and in the meantime, we hope you will listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to podcasts. See you next time, Take you to app