The Sex Tape that Started It All

00:00:01
Speaker 1: Hi, Amber, Hi, Lolah, Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. Hello, my loves. I am freaking out today. I'm a little bit nervous. I feel like I'm tweaking. I feel like I've taken a hit of acid, and I'm a little tired from the break. Welcome to an Unlikely Affair. Hello Amber Childers, Hello Lola kan. I like, don't really know how to do our intro quite yet. We'll figure it out, we will, right, yes, yeah, because like the one like give them Laala and untraditionally Laala, it's always like hello, gorgeous.

00:00:38
Speaker 2: But obviously this is that makes me laugh. Ohh, she's talking to.

00:00:42
Speaker 1: Me, Hi, I am, I am talking to all of you obviously. How are you feeling this morning? We shared a bed last night. I know, I kept really happy.

00:00:54
Speaker 3: I kept waking up and I was like, listening to you breathing. I was like, oh my god, that's Lala breathing next to me. And I would rather have you lying next to you breathing than a man.

00:01:04
Speaker 1: We talked about that before bed. We were laying in bed watching twenty twenty. I was like, do you care if I watch murder? It puts me to bed. She's like, I love murder. I was like, it's so nice to like not share a bed with a man. And you talked about how you gave it like a test run someonheen you were dating where you didn't share a bed.

00:01:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, I did that this past year. And I was like, you know what, I want to try something. You have two rooms, I really would like to try sleeping on my own. And he was like great, he loved the idea. And then we tried, and it was he would come in, we would like cuddle and we would do our thing, and then he would.

00:01:41
Speaker 2: Exit, do your thing.

00:01:42
Speaker 3: Sex, Yeah, we would okay, we would bang, Okay, yeah, we would bang each other and then he would he would leave.

00:01:52
Speaker 2: And he was actually really nice.

00:01:54
Speaker 3: Right because I've gotten to a place in my life where it's like, I like my routine. When I go to bed, I want to, you know, turn on my red light. I don't want to like be bothered. I want to watch what I want to watch. And in the morning, I want to meditate and I want to pray and I want.

00:02:09
Speaker 2: To like do whatever.

00:02:10
Speaker 3: And sometimes that starts at like four o'clock and if I'm if someone's laying next to me, I don't be interrupted, no, and then I want them to be like where are you on your knees praying? And like I want to pray out loud, and sometimes like I want to say things that I just want it's between me and my higher power.

00:02:27
Speaker 2: Right, did that's start when you got sober? Yeah? Yeah, yeah.

00:02:31
Speaker 1: I have to do the whole meditation, and I'm not great at doing this consistently.

00:02:39
Speaker 2: But I had a moment.

00:02:42
Speaker 1: A few days ago where I was I was dealing with something and I was like, I need to go outside and like take a moment, and I also have to say things out loud because I don't know if you've seen this meme, but it's like me and I try to pray and it's someone with ad D and you're like, start going, and then you think of a million different things than you come back and you're like, sorry, God, I'm back.

00:03:04
Speaker 2: If I say so, if I don't talk out loud.

00:03:08
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like we're going to be out here for an hour just trying to get to the frickin' point of like what I need to hear myself say and set my intentions. And I feel that like between those moments that I want, or waking up in the middle of the night and being like, oh, I gotta have friends on the TV to just like put me back to bed the man snoring, because most of them do. I want to be covered in oil head to toe. I'm like, I look like a walk when you could definitely fry on though I have to say the older one.

00:03:37
Speaker 2: No, the younger one, Oh, I use it. Older. I was like, you're not going to sell me, Amber, You're not going to sell me.

00:03:44
Speaker 3: I would convert you.

00:03:46
Speaker 2: No, you would actually be really proud of me.

00:03:48
Speaker 3: I've actually been I've lowered my decade about ten years.

00:03:52
Speaker 2: That makes me thrilled for you.

00:03:53
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:03:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a new me, babe. I'm coming out. Oh my gosh, this is so great. Yeah. Yeah, you're too hot to be banging Geezers. I'm not banging Geezers. They're pretty much dead. We've talked about.

00:04:07
Speaker 1: This, so the last episode that we did, which was untraditionally La La, where we were kind of talking about what this podcast was going to be, like, I'm very excited to be here. I'm so excited about an unlikely affair. And again, this is about my experience and Amber's experience in life, what we've experienced with dating, motherhood.

00:04:35
Speaker 2: Sex, bad sex, geezer sex.

00:04:39
Speaker 3: You can't hold someone back from sharing their experiences because for me personally, I'll speak for myself. My job realizing coming into this new woman that I am, it's my duty to be able to look at people who are watching this fucking podcast and say, oh my god, I thought I was alone.

00:05:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thought. I've never that I.

00:05:02
Speaker 3: Was the only one that experienced or by the way, that's why I fell in love with acting, right, It's a shared experience, just like I'm going to treat this podcast like I would any character that I would step into on film or television. Yeah, you have to love them for their good, the good, the bad, the ugly, the messy, in all of it. And so why and I'm telling their stories, why wouldn't I tell mine?

00:05:27
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:05:27
Speaker 2: Because my story is just as important.

00:05:30
Speaker 1: Your story is the most important. Number it is the most important. And if there's one thing that that I want to teach my girls and that I want to remember, is there will come a time in life where your voice is all you fucking have, So use it because no one can take that from me. You're true and don't you exactly, and don't you dare let anyone try to silence you. What you have to say is important, and you will use your voice at all times for whatever cause, whatever reason.

00:06:01
Speaker 3: It's just like the saying those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

00:06:08
Speaker 1: I love that saying. Why do I feel like I've heard this in a movie?

00:06:11
Speaker 2: Because it's probably been in a movie a thousand times. Why do I feel like I've heard you say this in a movie? This is a movie.

00:06:20
Speaker 3: Okay, Wait, so there's something that I want to talk about in address because in the last episode of Untraditionally Lola, Yeah.

00:06:27
Speaker 2: Speaking of our experiences.

00:06:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's start from the beginning. Oh Jesus, shall we Yeah, I said I've seen all of you. I laughed, and I made a joke that I've seen all of you the front of the back, inside, it outside, And Jesus, I don't want to get into the details because the details aren't important. What matters to me is that moment that really shaped me in my life. Right, I knew you guys were together, I knew the affair was happening.

00:06:57
Speaker 2: I don't know for well.

00:06:58
Speaker 1: I wish it would have given me a call. You know what, it wouldn't have mattered.

00:07:03
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have heard no, because remember when I hear anybody.

00:07:07
Speaker 3: Remember when you and I first sat down at the sushi place and I was like, I'm not a jealous ex wife.

00:07:16
Speaker 2: I think you asked me to lunch.

00:07:17
Speaker 3: We were trying to like make the relationships we want to show at the Glenn Yes, and it was very sweet. You brought me a present. I'll never forget that. It was so cute. And I said to you, I said, I'm not mad, right like I'm I'm okay with this, Like I've moved on. Anyways, going back to the tape, at that point, I had known I had been tracking probably for like at least four or five months.

00:07:56
Speaker 1: Where were the rumblings coming from for you? Because I remember when it came up on vander Pump. Katie Maloney had been at a barbecue and there was a guy there who was an actor, and his wife had said to Katie, Oh.

00:08:12
Speaker 2: You're on that show with that La La girl.

00:08:16
Speaker 1: You know she is with Blank And that's when Katie was like, oh, I have confirmation. Do you know how hard I tried to get my to get all of my things wiped on IMDb.

00:08:28
Speaker 2: I'm like, take it off. You won't have anything left? Great? Yeah, yeah, great, I'll start fresh. How about that Us Christ?

00:08:36
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah, So I had known for a while. I didn't say anything because at that point, this was not the first rodeo for me. So every time you get a little bit smarter, you get a little more like, Okay, this is happening, I need to Like. It was all mostly through Instagram at this point. Right from my experience and from what I've read and learned through my own healing, is that you get really good with following addicts and their patterns. Yeah, and it became like a calendar, like it was a clockwork for me. And and by the way, it's unhealthy. That was like I was in such a spiral because I was so desperate to save my marriage.

00:09:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you were also a baby. It doesn't matter.

00:09:23
Speaker 1: It was like, I does matter, That does matter. You were a child, amber you met him in your teens. You became a first time mom when you were what twenty twenty one.

00:09:35
Speaker 2: Twenty one, That is a baby. Yeah, yeah, you had a.

00:09:39
Speaker 3: Moment though you don't you don't think I grew up Mormon no Mormon. That's like a huge that in itself is like a foundation of Like you get married at like you know twenty by the way you.

00:09:50
Speaker 1: Go, and you marry a good Mormon missionary, like you're both on the same page. You you did not have the mental capacity to endure what you had just signed up for.

00:10:04
Speaker 3: I had no idea what I was signing up for. I had no idea because that's how good.

00:10:09
Speaker 2: The mask was.

00:10:10
Speaker 1: And the fact that you can go out and still believe in love and let men enter your life.

00:10:17
Speaker 2: Shows you how fucked up by him.

00:10:19
Speaker 1: No, it actually no, it shows your resilience, and I think you need to give yourself credit for that. You know, I have stayed in a place for many years of fear and being completely guarded, and you know, I see one tiny little thing that I don't like, and I'm like, oh, this person's a horrible human. I can't It's like PTSD, and I have it in so many areas.

00:10:44
Speaker 2: It happens when I deal with therapists.

00:10:46
Speaker 1: I'm like, you are trying to rob me blind and manipulate me.

00:10:50
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:10:50
Speaker 1: So no, I think that you should look at that as your bounce back is fucking incredible.

00:10:59
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're welcome. Yeah, I guess it is. It's very much so.

00:11:08
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just wanted to like roll into the next thing, but I wanted to pause and take that moment. So in that moment that night with the tape, with the tape, yeah, I didn't know who was calling in the middle of the night, and I looked at the tape and I'd seen it, and my whole life kind of just stopped.

00:11:31
Speaker 2: And it wasn't about what I was seeing in front of me.

00:11:34
Speaker 3: It was more of like I had completely realized that I had abandoned myself forever, right, And it wasn't that I didn't know how to set boundaries, because I think when we learned boundaries when we were like two, right, when someone pushes you down on the playground, you're like, no, that's not nice, or no, I don't want that to eat. Like I think, as humans, we instinctly know what boundaries are. But when your safety and you're well and who you are as a person is threatened, you forget those boundaries, right, You put aside the boundaries.

00:12:10
Speaker 2: Because for me, that dysfunction was going on for so many years.

00:12:17
Speaker 3: That that felt safe, like leaving never felt safe. That was like a threat to everything that I had established, right, and I'll never forget after that tape, after seeing what I saw, it was like I awoke in that moment and I was like, if you don't leave, you're going to die, because I really did.

00:12:41
Speaker 2: I wanted to die.

00:12:41
Speaker 3: I felt so trapped in that relationship that I didn't And it's so hard for some people to explain. They're just like, you, dumb bitch, just leave.

00:12:55
Speaker 1: But those people, it's like, oh, so you have the luxury of never experiencing something like this.

00:13:00
Speaker 2: Mm, thank you, I'm envious of you. Yeah.

00:13:03
Speaker 3: I mean I tell people I stayed because of my kids. I didn't want my girls to grow up from with a broken home. I didn't know what that experience was like, and I didn't want that. And in that moment I realized, I was like, Okay, I gotta get out.

00:13:17
Speaker 2: This is it.

00:13:17
Speaker 3: It's either I have to save myself for my kids, right and myself, because if I'm not here and kids don't, they don't breathe. They don't breathe the oxygen of the house. I think they truly breathe the oxygen of the mother.

00:13:33
Speaker 2: And I was half dead. I really felt like I was half dead.

00:13:35
Speaker 3: I was I was taking pills to numb my feelings, to just to suppress all that shit that I was feeling inside because I didn't know what to do with it, right Like I had no outlet. My only outlet was acting at that point. Right I couldn't like, Hey, call up my sister and say hey, this is what happened this week or this month or you.

00:13:55
Speaker 2: Know, so thank you for what.

00:13:59
Speaker 3: For the one calling that night, because if you hadn't called, I think God was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself, and using you know, through you, because I couldn't, I would have never left.

00:14:12
Speaker 1: I think about that all the time. There were so many moments amber that I would and I remember vividly you saying like I don't want you needed me to know that I saved you, and I didn't understand what you meant until I experienced it.

00:14:29
Speaker 3: Isn't it interesting how you get so caught up on the betrayal for me anyways, of what happened and what they're doing to betray the commitment or the marriage or whatever relationship you're in, And then you look in the mirror and you're like, oh, The only betrayal that is going on is between me and myself. I've completely abandoned myself to this person.

00:14:52
Speaker 1: Well, you get comfortable every time someone is unhappy and they don't want to leave, and no one understands why. I'm like, because when that is your norm, you become comfortable in it.

00:15:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can't see outside of it talking about leaving. It's like, but my comfort zone. I'm used to this. I'm used to this feeling. It's my norm. Yeah.

00:15:12
Speaker 3: For me, it was denial, like once you stop lying to yourself. Yeah yeah, it like literally, by the way, abilitating seeing that tape, it wasn't like I was like staring at this By the way, you look great in the tape. Uh, by like like looking at this tape, it wasn't seeming like the acts that were going on. I saw my life flash before me, like I saw everything.

00:15:39
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you know what I mean. It's does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense.

00:15:45
Speaker 3: You're like looking at something, but you're not looking at something like your your brain is showing you a different like reel of what's happening in your life. Yeah. Wait, I think you should share what you shared with me the other day when we were at lunch, do you remember, No, tell me you don't remember. When we were sitting with we talked. I know, we were sitting with the Emma and you're like, hey, I need to share something with you. And I was like mid taco bite and you're like, oh.

00:16:21
Speaker 2: Let's talk about that. I love that you brought that up. Yeah, and then you gave such a sorry, I have something to tell you.

00:16:28
Speaker 1: I know.

00:16:30
Speaker 2: Oh, I know, Okay. I used to wait you.

00:16:34
Speaker 3: But but this is a good segue because you talk about not having sex, you were sex.

00:16:38
Speaker 1: Wasn't having sex, No, And I never stepped out either, Like once I knew that you guys were like divorced and all the things. Because when he was giving me the back and forth about you guys being separated and I was being labeled a homewrecker, I was like, condoms on, pussy's out, buddy, I'm out in these streets having the best time.

00:16:58
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:16:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, But once it was like we're divorced, you had moved on, you found a new guy, and like you know, I had met your kids. I was very much like, I did not sleep around at all. Yeah, but once I stopped really sleeping with him. You're pregnant, it is very pregnant. Yeah, And I was so horny when I was pregnant.

00:17:22
Speaker 2: It was like that it was bad. Oh my god.

00:17:27
Speaker 1: I would like look at the corner of things and be like, if I could just launch myself just right on that we have. But I remember I would go into the closet. It was like the only area where there wasn't like I would find an area where it like wasn't a direct camera on me, and I would think of you and masturbate.

00:17:48
Speaker 2: In the closet. Uhh, I fucking love that. Do you know how a story that brings me? Tell them what you match? You were like, I'll match.

00:17:57
Speaker 3: You were sitting at lunching and you told me this, and I was like, you were it was so cute. You're like, oh my god, I a cannotlive I'm going to say that. So when you said, I was like, what THEU? I couldn't believe that came out of your mouth. And then I was like, okay, well I also have something to confess. When we were still like in and out of the same house, we were nesting, and but you were also in the house at the same time.

00:18:21
Speaker 2: What a fucking chaotic mess.

00:18:25
Speaker 3: I went to into the bathroom, to one of the girl's bathroom to get something, and they were playing with your hair extensions and I obviously knew they were yours, and I was like, so, I was still so angry.

00:18:38
Speaker 2: I was so mad. I was like, I'm gonna fucking steal these.

00:18:42
Speaker 3: And I took your hair extensions and I was like.

00:18:44
Speaker 2: I still have them right now. No, I don't know myself. And I was like I could use them, but you let you. You're like that's all you got. And I was like, I was like, you took my hair extensions. Wooh Amber, big fucking wood. Ah. That was hysterical. That was great. Were they blonde? Do you remember?

00:19:07
Speaker 1: Uh?

00:19:07
Speaker 3: No, they probably met your color now yeah, yeah, if you have my level bag burnette, I don't know.

00:19:14
Speaker 2: Look, i'll send you a picture when I get back to Montana. Okay.

00:19:17
Speaker 1: With all of that talk of like how we're bonded and God's plan, I will call it. This was always God's plan. How do you feel going into this next year? Ugh?

00:19:31
Speaker 2: Uh, that's how I feel. H so good.

00:19:34
Speaker 1: How does it differ from other years that you've gone into?

00:19:41
Speaker 3: You know, this year I never set an intention. I didn't journal, I didn't like, I didn't make any New Year's resolutions.

00:19:48
Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, screw that. I'm done. Like, I'm just gonna just go for it.

00:19:52
Speaker 3: If something comes up and I have an idea or I want to change something about myself, I'm not going to write about it.

00:19:58
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna freaking do it. Like I'm just.

00:20:01
Speaker 3: I'm I'm not going to keep doing what I've done the year's past, Okay, And I literally I told you this morning when we were drinking coffee. I said, I woke up on like December twenty eighth a completely different person.

00:20:15
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:20:15
Speaker 3: I just felt like my body from like a cellular perspective has completely changed. I also deleted all my dating apps. That's a big deal for you. And you almost had a moment of weakness last night. She's like, I almost re downloaded hinge. I was like, it's because you're bored.

00:20:35
Speaker 1: As I'm grabbing chips after I've had a huge dinner, I'm like, am I just eating because I'm bored? No?

00:20:41
Speaker 3: And I'm glad you said that because you called me out. And I was like, yeah, you're right, I'm bored.

00:20:44
Speaker 2: I don't.

00:20:45
Speaker 3: I'm done with the dating apps. I'm over them, and I'm not saying that they're all that they're bad. I think I have a lot of the reason why I got all them because I have a lot of friends who've met some great men and they ended up getting married and they have great relationships. But for me, it was just like Rya was a fucking joke.

00:21:01
Speaker 2: Yeah you said it was like Penn Palace, you know, right.

00:21:03
Speaker 3: Like a terrible hinge was decent, never been on tender, never been on I have been on bumble, but it was like, oh, Montana, you like want to stay away from bumble. I just want to meet someone organically, And honestly, I'm like not, I'm not driven by by that. I know that that my higher power will like bring my person when the time is right. And for me, it's like I'm just focusing on my kids, my work, my sobriety, and myself.

00:21:38
Speaker 2: That's it. I love this. For you, Yeah, what about you? How do you feel? I felt different going into this year.

00:21:45
Speaker 1: This is one of the greatest holidays that I've had since I can remember. We ended up staying in la for Christmas and leaving Christmas night to go to Palm Springs and we literally got back a couple days ago, and it was it was just very much much needed and I felt very present. I went on a tangent about elf on a shelf and then deleted my Instagram.

00:22:06
Speaker 2: I wasn't I didn't delete it because.

00:22:08
Speaker 1: I was so unhinged about the Elf on the shelf, because I actually had a heyday doing that content. But I was like, there's no reason for me to be on Instagram right now. I want to take a break. And it was so nice because i'd pick up my phone, I'd be like, there's nothing on here that matters. Like it just it felt different. I felt a level of peace going into this year that I.

00:22:28
Speaker 2: Don't feel normally.

00:22:30
Speaker 1: Usually I go in to a new year and I am just anxiety riddled and thinking about all of the moves that I need to make. And this year, it was like, I'm not worried about the moves that need to be made, because we're just gonna make them.

00:22:46
Speaker 2: What's wrong, Yeah, that's why are you crying.

00:22:49
Speaker 3: I'm just having this moment. I'm just having a moment of like I can't believe we're here. I really can't. It's just like so much. I'm crying not because I'm sad. I'm crying because I have so much gratitude.

00:23:07
Speaker 1: Oh Amber, Yeah, I love you very much.

00:23:12
Speaker 2: You are a massive rock in my life.

00:23:16
Speaker 1: I keep a very tight circle and I don't trust easily, and I feel like we just have something very unspoken that we're now speaking about.

00:23:25
Speaker 2: And I've had.

00:23:26
Speaker 1: Many people tell me to get over it, and I You're the one person where I can vent to you about so many things and you can just understand that certain things are just not that easy not to get over.

00:23:44
Speaker 2: And I think this is the year.

00:23:46
Speaker 1: Where you and I are experiencing just a lot of hope and healing.

00:23:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, a lot, a lot.

00:23:54
Speaker 3: And I had that moment last night too, when Ocean was in the bed together with us and we were watching our show.

00:24:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I literally was like.

00:24:04
Speaker 3: This beautiful child who my children love unconditionally and I love, and like is has brought all of us together? Yeah, And like if that's not a gift from God, then like wow, I know.

00:24:22
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:24:23
Speaker 1: These are the moments that for anyone who's experiencing where you feel like you're in the middle of the ocean and there's like no one in sight where you say, at some point this is going to make sense, because I remember being in the thick of it and just being debilitated in like a robot and feeling like I have to make money and pay bills and I have to fight for my child, and I was on autopilot and like why how did this happen? And then you get to a place sitting on this couch and you're like, oh, this was the plan the whole time.

00:24:58
Speaker 2: It all makes so much sense.

00:25:00
Speaker 3: Everything always works out the way it's supposed to. Yeah, And so I think that, like you were saying, for anyone out there that's going through it or has been through it, or you know has a friend or family member going through it, it just it's like saying those things is like.

00:25:16
Speaker 2: I'm safe and everything is going to work out the way it's supposed to.

00:25:19
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it, And you just have to find like your higher power, whatever that is is. It have to be God, it could be anything that's greater than yourself, and just know that, like there's light at the end of the.

00:25:33
Speaker 2: Tunnel always always. Yeah.

00:25:35
Speaker 1: Oh, what a beautiful way to end this episode. You guys, thank you so much for tuning in to our new podcast. I hope you enjoyed this first episode. We're gonna have the heyday of our lives. This is an unlikely affair with l Lakent and Amberg Childers. We're going to catch you next week.