Liam Edward Golder: late Diagnoses and New Perspectives

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one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mintur. Welcome
to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide.
Before we jump in, if you haven't already, app the
follow button. It takes two seconds and it helps more
families that need to hear these conversations. Joining us today
is Liam Edward Golder. His autistic journey did not begin
in childhood with a clear roadmap. It unfolded later in
his life. Not only did he find out later in life,
but his father was diagnosed artistic at age seventy. This
conversation is about what happens when clarity arrives late, how
it can bring relief, grief, validation, and healing all at
the same time. It's about seeing your parent and yourself
through a new lens. He has a great story to tell.
So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back
with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors.
Thanks for joining us today.
Now I appreciate you, be honest, it's amazing, really really excited.
Yes's great to have you on. You just mentioned you
recently discovered you are autistic. If you would tell us
a little bit about that.
Yeah, yeah, what it is, I basically have got family
with autism, basically my dad. I'll go more into that
as well. But my dad got diagnosed late with autism
and Aspergu's syndrome, and my nephew as well autism, and
it didn't occur to me really that I had it
as well, you know, And then I started to notice
patterns and things, and part of the show and the
build up of different things that have happened actually led
me to realize that I basically have got it as well.
So it's because mi aim is actually a lot to
do with creativity and mine actually I see as a
strength which I've realized rather than saying to be seen
as a weakness or a worry or something to be
concerned about. It's led me to the world of creativity
through my music, you know, through having a career full
time job in music, you know, thirty years in music
as a number one song where I haven't seen there
and promoted for different celebrity eyes as well and all
these fans. But my creative brain because of the autism,
and I've got Adhd as well to add to it.
But it's basically I realized that my creative brain and
my ideas and the way I look at the world
differently has really helped with the music, you know, and
helping others with the songs. And it's a strength. You know,
some ideas I get very easily. I get words very
easily in my head. Very I've got like a photographic memory.
I could write a song just from a scratch on
the spot sort of, you know, and helping say, working
in music and that creative aspect of that. And I
realized through the family, so I probably got it through
the generation of my own dad.
How long ago was it when you found out that
your dad was autistic.
It probably was about roughly about ten years ago, because
he was diagnosed really late. It wasn't diagnosed until he
was about probably seventy.
Oh wow, okay, and he'd been.
Living with this for so long. And you know, his
mannerisms are very drawn. But I can be I can
look quite straight faced, and he looks very expressionless at times,
and doesn't you know, he doesn't understand what's going on sometimes,
And see he doesn't understand emotions sometimes. Mine's different way.
I get it is different.
You both have a certain thing in common, is that
you both have been diagnosed artistic later in life.
Yeah.
With that said, what are some of the similar things
that you see you both have in common.
And similar fans. I think it can be quite both.
Both of us can be withdrawn. I mean in certain situations,
I'm a very like Dad will be on his own
a lot, and he will be in his own mind
and his own thoughts, and I get that sometimes as well.
I can be married very much on the great crowds,
even though I work in music and I love music
and stuff, but both not that great in crowds and
loud noises.
I can totally understand that.
Yeah, I've got, you know, the headphones and on all
that stuff, at least my self in the headphones quite
a lot.
When you learn that your dad was artistic, did that
lead you down the path to questioning about yourself at all?
A bit at the time, But I was very lost
in his diagnosis. I got very lost in that at
the time. I used to look at autism very differently
and the symptoms and fins, and I think there's that
stereotype of what autism is or how it should be,
or what people think it is, you know, sometimes because
he's like quite a version of me, I didn't think
as much about myself at the time my football about him.
But as time went on, I started noticing Finns in myself.
Like menus I find really hard to read. I feel
very overwhelmed, and I started noticing beacial INDI York. Over
the years, every t under the menu, I was overwhelmed
with trying to look at this menu. To me, it
looks like an atlas. I'm like completely overweler with it.
It just feels like so much information.
I'm curious. Everyone has their perception of what they think
autism is. Yeah, yeah, So what were your perceptions of
what you think autism was and then when your father
was diagnosed, did it change your perception at all?
Yeah. I even worked at autism, but I used to
always think it was just a vagueness, you know, not
responding to other human emotions and being very cut off
from the world and things. I used to just think that,
and then I realized it wasn't just that. There's so
much more to it, you know, as well as seeing
shapes or hearing sounds or processing things differently in people,
and not always recognizing people's emotions or things, which he
does a lot. He doesn't recognize people's emotions sometimes and
you have to remind him and they go, oh, all right,
oh yeah, oh they're thinking that. That the person who's
thinking this and they're upset about this or they're worried
about this. They go, oh are they? Oh well, I
sort of I can register it. Sometimes I don't always
register it, but that was one of the friends. But
bright lights as well. I noticed even in supermarkets, bright
lights would get me a bit in the shops, you know,
the bright lights or I've been in the partnament and
that sort of thing, or like that. But I'd say
the big thing for me has been music. My big
obsession is music, and I always are stuck on that
a lot. On one subject, which has been.
That when you learned of your diagnosis of being artistic,
did you get that through a therapist? And then once
it was confirmed that you truly are autistic? What went
through your mind? What were some of the first thoughts
that you would thinking with your new diagnosis.
Yeah, it was like apies of years ago in the beginning,
and then I recently found out more about it since
the show, and I thought to myself. But when I
found out and it was like confirmed, I was like, well,
actually it makes sense now. I always felt a bit weird.
Sometimes I felt very different from the world a lot.
I always felt I didn't fit into a lot of
situations and always felt a bit or it's very different,
and I can never understand why apart from the ADHD.
And I thought, oh, you know, because I say photographic
memory and I can remember like loads of numbers. But
I remember feeling actually quite believed and happy that I
actually found Oh that makes sense, you know, that makes
sense now I feel believed, And like I said TU earlier,
I feel now that I can use it as a strength.
Sure, now did you tell anyone?
Yeah?
Perfect, Now who did you tell? And of course what
was the reaction to the Diagnosish.
My partner, my family, and they said, goh yeah, of
course that makes that can into perfect sense that as well,
because some of the things that you know, I've always
been good with numbers and remembering words and having this
sort of being able to memorize things like what a
lot of people would forget about. I just keep remembering
all these like a number plate from thirty years ago,
my dad's car and stuff like that. The big thing
for me has been the music focus, like hyper focus
on that. You know. I've worked, to say, thirty years
in music, helping others and famous people, and it's not
helped me back, you know. You know, my mind feels
very busy at times and there's a lots of process.
It's made me with a creative level of things that
excel really, I think, and I've not seen it as
a barrier. Say, I work with all different celebrity artists
and utists and write songs for them and promote them
and on side acts as well, you know, and it's
a daily it's it's full time job, and potentially working
with Hot Chocolate Band from the UK. Lots of other
people like Broutang Clan potentially and lots of big names,
you know, like say Lincoln Park and I've done before
Adele and stuff.
So did you ever feel like you had said translator
for your father to other people?
Yeah? Yeah, sometimes it has felt like a translated yeah,
because I've had to sort of be a messager sort
of fan.
Yeah, because he was artistic and still trying to comprehend.
Things autistic and yeah, and he's also got paranoid personality
disorder just to add to it, so that obviously has
been a challenge as well. He thought someone was trying
to trick him against him or something, you know, but
as someone like our old dog, the pet dog, he'd
faked that they were trying to take the dog or something,
and I'd have to, you know, reassure him and say, no,
they're not trying to take the dog. They just were
just saying high and low to the dog. It's all
good intentions, you know.
Yeah, Yeah, that makes sense. When you found out your
father was artistic and then later realized you were artistic too,
did that change how you understood him. Did it help
you separate his struggles from his strengths and see them
through a different lens. Was there ever a moment where
you thought he wasn't being distant or difficult, he was
just being overwhelmed?
Absolutely? Yeah. I realized why he struggled for his life,
you know. And I realized why he was so withdrawn
and why he found it hard to communicate with people.
Clicked into place that he was the reason why how
he was, you know, but he wouldn't react to certain
situations at all.
Right now, after his late diagnosis, did you notice any
shift in him, almost like a weight being lifted off
his shoulders. Did having that understanding give him relief and
of course some clarity in his life?
I think so. I think so because I think he'd
always he's always been like asking questions and thinking a
similar thing. Why he felt different, Why I couldn't engage
in connections easily, which I've struggled with in my life.
I struggled to connect to people and have conversations and
really sort of if you understood as well, So it's
not really feeling that, not really feeling understood. I think
it's it's a lot to do that as well, and
he definitely felt different. And you could say to him
that you could say, well, there's a fire outside or something,
because it wasn't, and it just I just go all right.
He wouldn't actually really anticipate a danger or worry or fear,
you know, he wouldn't. He wouldn't pick up on something
to worry about it. Just think.
Oh, well, now you say that you were originally from England, correct.
Yes, yeah, really from London.
Now how long have you been here?
Well, I've been in New York for four years? Four years?
Okay, So have you noticed the difference in how people
have reacted from where you were in England to the
people that you deal with on a continued basis here
in New York. Have you noticed a difference or has
it been about the same reaction in both areas well?
Not yet as such, because I'm not going into detail
with all family in New York, but partner. Apart from that,
I've actually just been going through the some fact that
the UK and they were just you know, the supportive
really and just was like, wow, this is just what
it is, we actually understand and they went, oh yeah,
because you've always been that they said to me, Oh,
you've always been really good with numbers. It always been
really good with words and songwriting and super focused on
the music. Like that really tunneled on that, I said, yeah,
because I could. For a long time, I used to
be why am I so heavily focused on music all
the time? Like constant the whole brain is going through
it all day long. On subject, of course, I do
think of other friends were important, you know, like love
and other friends. I have important things, But the music
is always like there and it's continually running. But I
was like, why are music like? Why can't I think
about something else or do something else? You know, I
was really like trying to battle that sometimes.
Is there any part of you that kind of resisted
your diagnosis, possibly because of what your witness growing up
with your dad?
Oh, I actually embraced it.
Awesome.
I had a sense of comfort in it actually because
I thought, well, now that gives me the answers of
why I was, you know, some of the questions I
had about different things and thinking why do I why
do I remember the words? And why do I remember
those numbers? And you know, I remember people's like data
births very easily or star signs very easily or details
about there, like they tell me something, can I remember it?
And how did you remember that? When my parents got
married they told me once I remembered and they said
they was like, wow, you remember that church? And yeah,
I say with the songs, I can just reath off
a song and that normally I could just I could
do a song live and just like literally what a
whole song.
Have you had any stressors meltdown? Have that affected you
in any way at all?
Burnout? Yeah? I think I've had mental burnouts. I think
where I've worked so hard and I'm getting so many
ideas because my brain is very creative, so get so
many creative ideas mixed with the ADHD as well and anxiety.
I've had so anxiety in my life. I think sometimes
your brain can feel a bit overloaded, you know.
Yeah, yeah, I can. Now, how do you deal with it?
If you have some anxiety coming on? How do you
put yourself in a position of where you can deal
with it?
Yeah? Yeah, I've had over the years, I had anxiety,
especially working in music and building that and getting that
to a successful level and knowing that you know, I
was basically you know, music industries are tough anyway, and
on top of that, making a living for music to
add to the you know, plus having health conditions. You know,
it's a lot to do because I've got our people's
careers in my hands as well, you know, they depending
on me. I'm trying to do the best I can do.
It's been really successful. It continues to build. I've worked
with over eighty different celebrities, wrote with some of them
as well, So I'm writing done things that I wouldn't
even imagined that I would have achieved. You know, they're
achieving it, you know, And I'm not letting the autism
when I think holding back, you know, it's actually now
a superpower almost you know.
Yeah, yeah, that's a great way of looking at it.
Now since you've gotten your diagnosis, have you seen a
change Now you're getting to know what autism is, You're
starting to get a better grasp and understanding. How have
you adjusted to this and what kind of changes have
you seen yourself make moving forward?
Yeah? Acceptance, more acceptances myself, because I really I found
it very hard to accept some of my patterns. You know,
I felt very strange at times and I thought, well,
no one else is doing these things that I know,
So why am I memorizing all this stuff? Why am
I so heavily focused on one subject? Sort of? But
basically I adjusted really quick because suddenly I've got the
sort of clarity I've had the clarity on different areas.
And then I was like, oh, of course, now that's
that absolutely completely. I'm not you know, a doctor or
working at school, all these things that you think about
doing when you were a child, and they say, oh,
you should go and be this or be that. The
music for me always happened, but I couldn't accept it
a long time, even though I was doing it, and
I try to come away from it, but it keep
coming back like a boomerang. So I could ever, you know,
couldn't escape it really and now I enjoy it. I
enjoy it and I embrace it now because I accept
the way I am that I'm not. Actually, it's not
like it's not a hobby. It's not just saying I
do you know that? You know, people were engineers or
whatever they do, and we've all got a purpose. It
took me a long time, but now I've accepted my
purpose and what I have and how my mind thinks,
you know, obviously and that it's okay.
Now, most kids, as they're growing up, they always have
these perceptions of their parents. Why do they make me
do this? Why do they make me do that? They're
always questioning them. They don't know what they're talking about.
Did you have any challenges like that? He hadn't been
diagnosed autistic yet, but he did have some of those tendencies.
Then after he got his diagnosis and you found out
he's autistic, then you get your diagnosis of being autistic.
Did that build a bridge that made the both of
you closer because of the understanding you gain from being autistic.
Yeah, I mean he actually setsilist process and everything. Yeah,
he just like answered the diagnosis. I think, Yeah, I did.
I did feel closer to him and understand more why
he was because I didn't have the guidance, Like I
didn't have the career guidance. I come away from school
and I struggled through school sometimes you know, I did
well and actually, but the social aspect I really struggled
with the actual academic side. I struggled with in certain
subjects but excelled in well Corse, music, maths and English
and things. But I didn't have the guidance when I
left school of what to do. He didn't say anything
to me. He didn't say you should be thought about
this job. He thought about that against anything. And I
know why I didn't that because he wasn't thinking about it,
because he was luck in his autism. So I just
found my own path and obviously that led to the music.
And I remember not even no guidance, and I remember thinking,
that's just I've got no guidance at all, nothing, you know.
But I don't hold that against him at all. Now
I understand why now.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Now you say you're concentrating on your music.
Yeah, forty years now, thirty years of it.
Yeah, how do people find you? Give us your websites
and social media so people can follow you on what
you're doing.
Yeah, I've got It's it's well because I do what
I do. I do. I do PR with marketing and
communications for bands and sows, singers, all kinds of music. Basically,
the website or the company's so Heroes Music PR. And
the website is www dot Son dash Heroes Music dashpr
dot com. Look me up under liamed recororder. But Son
Heroes is the company I've had for years and years,
I say thirty years I've been doing noise now. Yeah,
so the marketing and pr and basically like a music
agent for all different kinds of bands and famous and
non famous singers and songwriters and every all kinds of
music you know, people can try and I do radio
packages and TV magazines, record labels, music venues. You know,
you know, music for airports and shopping malls, restaurants, hotels,
all of that. You know, there's so much that I cover,
which my creative brain just focuses on on like a machine.
Really, have you had any challenges that you've had to
overcome because of your autism with the work that you
do and the clients.
I think just having a structure, Like I've got a
really good structure with it, but you know, for lots
going on at once, you have to balance that and
then learn to structure that, like anythink in life, just
have that structure and balance of what's going on. And
I think that, Yeah, the challenge was just just really
prioritizing what was important, what feeling overwhelmed, like were talking
about earlier, not to feel burnt out by the actual
clients or the workload. So it's just having that happy balance.
You know now that you understand yourself better after your
autism diagnosis. Add to that you now see your father's
life in a different lens because of it. What kind
of legacy are you hoping to carry forward?
Now, Yeah, that's a great that's a great question. The
music legacy, but also the health aspects. I am writing
with different celebrity, advice, seeing with them sometimes before and
promoting them, being their agent and publicist really, but also
while having ADHD and autism in the thing to be like, well, okay,
you can achieve things, you know. You haven't got to
be put in a box or you haven't got to
not The legacy is that you can to help to
inspire others because you can achieve these things, you know,
you haven't got to just think, right well, i've got
autism or got IDHD or whatever you have. Right well,
I'm not going to do anything, you know, but I'm
just going to sit there on the sofa and just
put the headphones on and shut yourself off the world
for the next eighty years or whatever. And I thought, no,
I'm going to do something, you know, I'm not going
to let it stop me. In fact, it's now become
the fuel to make things even bigger and build that
legacy even stronger and say to other people you can
do it. You can do things beyond all the challenges.
You know, you haven't got to think that you can't
when people say you won't be able to do that.
We've all had it at the time in their life.
Yeah. Absolutely, So two different autism diagnosis actually connected two
different people because of it. Yeah. The beauty is it
did not separate. You tell us what that connection means
to you today now that you have a better understanding
of autism.
Yeah, well I have a lot more understanding and empathy
and compassion. And one of the big things was he
always looked so vague. Is that why I do I recognize?
I do it? Just now to me it's like, well,
I can relate to the reasons why he is how
he is. And it wasn't to be rude. He wasn't
being rude, He wasn't trying to be distant, he wasn't
trying not to care about situations. It's just that he
didn't understand his emotions in the world, and he didn't
really know how to respond to a lot of situations.
And still doesn't. But he's also just like the sweetest guy.
So he's absolutely amazing, you know. And he's always going
to be a person that sits in the corner of
the room. But that's fine, you know, because that's how
he is. But as that and the fact is that
he's still a great person, and the fact that he's
actually you know, he's had three children, he's been married
to my mum sixty one years, you know, despite his
health issues, and been a success, you know, been a success.
So so he's done amazing and that as well. You know,
it's an inspiration to think that you can you can
do things. You know. I was told, you know, don't
work in music. You would be a loser. You know,
I would be a hobby. What will you real job be?
You know. I had a business advisor and he said, well,
I think working in the music industry is going to
be hit or missed, so that I wouldn't actually do it.
I wouldn't bother and I come at the meeting, you know,
and I'll deflate it. And I thought, oh, geez, is
he right? And I don't know, I'm going to do it.
I'm gonna do it. And I look back, you know,
and I'm glad he did because your career and I
built an income and built, as you like saying earlier,
like what's going to be a legacy because of music?
And I would if I had listened to the the
you know, the naysayers and all the people that say
you can't do this and don't do that. I've never
done it, you.
Know, I've heard all those naysayers myself, so I totally
get it completely. Yes, yes, how old is your dad? Now?
Well, dad's actually, God bless him, he's eighty one now.
Oh nice, Yeah, yeah, he won, So.
He's doing well. I mean he's amazing really, you know
what he's been through and yes, it's fantastic.
Is he still in England or is he here in
the States?
Yeah he's Yeah, he's in England still. So he was
born in England, so he's there with Mum and the
other rest of the side of the family. So he's there.
But yeah, you know, he's always been my hero because
he's always been a great dad. Even through his struggles.
He finds that kindness, you know, and you do feel
his love even though he expresses it differently, and he's
concerned and never and again he'll break out of what
he's in and they go, oh, are you okay? That's
sort of thing, or oh do you need something? Or
you're right? You know, how are you? You know? But
I say he's become a great person despite all these challenges.
Nice, that's just so good. Now that you know this
about yourself, how do you see yourself living differently now?
Not in spite of artism, but because of it.
I'm a lot more confident, feeling a lot more comfortable.
As I said earlier, I've just come to a place
of acceptance and realizing why I think the way I do.
And I've always had a different way of thinking, and
I never knew why, and I feel and I thought
it was strange. Now don't I don't think it's strange now.
I think it's actually got It's got its own uniqueness.
I say, especially with the music. That's really you know,
to help others with the music industry, which well, I'll
keep doing go and keep going for that and keep
helping people and successfully getting them out there. But I
will keep pushing the music out there and keep helping
people getting their music out, you know, and changing the
world in my own individual way.
Yeah, that's just so good. Well, this has been great,
great conversation, great information. I really appreciate you taking the
time too today.
Yeah, thank you, Tony. I really really enjoyed it and
really grateful to you for having me on the show. Yeah. Absolutely,
it's been amazing.
It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking time
out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today.
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