Standing On Business with Amber Grimes

00:00:09
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweetie.

00:00:11
Speaker 2: I am Chris Dourine Hazlet, and today I have amberg Grounds with me.

00:00:16
Speaker 1: Guys. I'm so excited about this one. Hi, how are you doing, beautiful? I'm good.

00:00:22
Speaker 3: How are you.

00:00:22
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good, so good.

00:00:25
Speaker 2: I'm just so proud of you. You too, I am so proud of you. I'm going to tell the people how we met. Very transparent story. I was this is I was still trying to get on my feet, and I was good friends with your former boss Booth Time and anybody who doesn't know Boo who is also a record executive but girt friend of mine. And I was like, bro, listen, I am struggling right now and I need some help. And I needed my help with my rent at the time. And he was like, all, I have my assistant Amber go to the house and get some money for you.

00:00:59
Speaker 1: And that's how we first met. Do you remember that.

00:01:03
Speaker 3: That's exactly what that.

00:01:05
Speaker 1: Is exactly what happened.

00:01:06
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, thank you girl, So I'm gonna go pay this rent child, And from.

00:01:11
Speaker 1: There I just watched you blossom.

00:01:13
Speaker 2: I met you as his assistant and watch you to continue to blossom. And now I'm excited to say that you are the executive vice president and general manager of the music label and management company Love Renassiance.

00:01:25
Speaker 1: Yep, that's crazy.

00:01:26
Speaker 3: It's like, it's insane. It brought me home, So it's definitely crazy. But I am gonna say that obviously I watched you too, and so I think it's a very fun and cool and just like full circle moment to see you from meeting you at a time where you were struggling, it's still a time we're seeing, like you really got no problems paying your rent? Hello.

00:01:50
Speaker 1: God.

00:01:52
Speaker 3: So I'm like, I'm super proud of you. I watched your journey. I don't think it was fast for either of us. I watched both of us my skip any steps, and so I just like, I know, you come on here and give people their flowers. But like I was excited to do this to you because I.

00:02:07
Speaker 1: Was like, Oh'm so happy for her, because you were you saw it. A lot of people.

00:02:11
Speaker 2: If you didn't know me, know me during that time, you would just be like, oh, yeah, she seemed like she was cool. But like to know what I was going through and the struggle, and just like trying to make it in that time, and then to see how we both.

00:02:23
Speaker 1: Made it, it's crazy.

00:02:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you were I never looked at it like struggle. You were always creating. So yeah, I literally like it's terrible the internet, like how we keep up with each other. But like, I've never felt far away from you because I'm like, oh, I have a crystal doing yep. Oh, I'm trying to do my natural hair in the pandemic Chrystal, we posting videos about doing natural hair, and you were always creating content. And so now to see you at the highest level of what content is, it's like, oh, that just makes sense. Wow, I love it.

00:02:51
Speaker 1: I love it. I want to talk about you. Okay, oh my gosh. No, seriously, so proud of you.

00:02:58
Speaker 2: But in college you started I'm promoting parties.

00:03:02
Speaker 1: Yes, now, what even brought that about?

00:03:05
Speaker 3: I wanted to go to the club for free.

00:03:07
Speaker 1: Really, I was like, you know, so, how can I do this?

00:03:09
Speaker 3: Seriously? Like you No, that's how it started, I think the first. I'm from Atlanta. I've been going to the club since I was like fourteen years old, the real club.

00:03:19
Speaker 1: Like the group.

00:03:21
Speaker 3: Yeah, like started early, but there was a point like when I was going to team parties and stuff, and I would go and then I had a lot of friends there. I would go to the party, I would have a good time, and then I would leave and there were other people that were staying, and I was like, well, why did they stay? What do they stay for? And they have to count the money it's just their party, and I'm like, oh, I want to stay. I want to count the money. Basically, I've always been extremely business minded. I never really knew how to have fun. I would have fun, but if there was some business that I could attach to fund, I'm like, what is this? And so I really started promoting parties because I was like, cool, if I'm going to be an entrepreneur, this is easy. I get to have a good time. I don't have to pay to.

00:04:02
Speaker 1: Go to the club anymore.

00:04:04
Speaker 3: I want to learn this skill that I didn't even know. You know, I didn't know how valuable it was back then. But yeah, and then I just wanted to be a little business owner. I didn't know what the hell I was doing, Like I'm gonna make me an LLC and like do the thing.

00:04:15
Speaker 2: Oh wow, that is crazy. What were you majoring in? Were you a business major.

00:04:20
Speaker 3: So I don't I have no clue what I was majoring in. I did a year and a half at Kennessall, maybe two before I officially dropped out, and just wasn't going I spent way more time at Georgia State throwing parties and like networking and literally like meeting all the people that I work with now. And so you know, I never told you, like stay in school kids, but I never tell anybody like, oh, drop out of college. But that experience that I had, and like the choices that I was making, they worked out for me. I knew what I was doing. I was on a mission, and so that was like a time for me to connect with people. But I was not inspired in my economics class or just any any of those things. I was like, where, guys, where am I gonna use this? I'm not gonna right now type of person right and right now. This is not This is not helping me at night when I'm counting money and trying. It wasn't helping me with my business. And I'm like, no, this is like getting rich quick ski it makes sense. And so I don't know if I ever even picked a major. I just like I knew I was gonna be major, so I was like, they, I'm gonna try this thing out, But I don't think this is for me.

00:05:34
Speaker 2: Gets you were you always like that, even as a kid, like in your early years.

00:05:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I'm I don't want to call it stubborn. I've always been focused, like always down to try stuff. When I was in high school, name a club, I was in it, junior beat of Speech and Debate. I was the president of the school fricking for three years. Like if there was something I could do, I wanted to do it. And I just like didn't want to do anything that I didn't want to do, and I wouldn't. You couldn't force me to, And if I had to learn a lesson about it later, that was fine with me. But I've always made my own decisions. And I think I maybe don't give my mom enough credit for like allowing me to make my own decisions, right cause she was just like, fine, you in the school play. Cool, do the school play. You don't want to join the band, Fine, don't join the band. Yeah, it was like, cool, this is my life is in my hands.

00:06:26
Speaker 1: That's cool. I love it.

00:06:28
Speaker 2: And see where it's taking you now, making those in staying down business at a very young age.

00:06:32
Speaker 1: You kind of set those principles early.

00:06:34
Speaker 3: But I've learned things too. So my mom tried to get me to get braces when I was in middle school, and I was like, no, I'm gonna be rich and there's these things called veneers and I'll get veniers and she was like fine. And so my sister got braces, her teeth were perfectly straight, and I had to pay for my own visual line last year. Should have listened to my mama, But it took me over a decade to learn this lesson, so I'm still I'm still growing.

00:06:59
Speaker 1: Mama, know its good. Listen. You should have listened to your moob. That is so funny.

00:07:03
Speaker 2: So you're promoting parties in college and then you tap into the music industry.

00:07:10
Speaker 1: How did that even come about? Uh?

00:07:15
Speaker 3: First of all, in Atlanta, it's all like this, right, So it really is everything except for film until now. Right. So if you're in Atlanta, your aspiration, if you don't want to go to ugen and become a lawyer, is to be a music That's what I know. That's why I moved here to throw parties.

00:07:32
Speaker 2: Yes, a lot of money because they are doing it for no literally and making a lot of money.

00:07:38
Speaker 3: Doing it, which that's somebody's cup of tea. But for me, I just like I I never really like wanted to be something specific. I've never been like that. So like if I was younger, like oh, what do you want to be? I wasn't on no, like I want to be a firefighter want I was never on none of that. I'm like, I like then, I'm like, I like to tell people what to do. So wherever I gotta work and whatever I gotta do, where I can be the ball, That's what I want to do. And I think as I started trying things in college, I would just like roll into the next thing. So when I was promoting parties, I had somebody come to me and say, hey, if you can promote a party, you could probably promote an artist. And I'm like, yeah, cool, well, Flyers A Flyer CD's a CD. I could pass that out too. DJ Scream is actually the person who gave me my first check and was like, can you promote a mixtape? I'm like, hell, yeah, give them to me. I'm passing all out by myself. And so then someone else came to me and say Hey, if you can promote a artist, you could probably manage an artist. And I'm like, that's cool, Like give me an artist to manage, let's do it. And that's literally how I ended up meeting Booth Wow. And so he's like, if you can run around with this artist, you could be my assistant. I'm like, yeah, I can't. Come on, let's do it. And it was just like I really take that getting your foot in the door thing very seriously, Like a lot of the younger generation like really want to skip steps.

00:08:49
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it.

00:08:50
Speaker 3: And I think if maybe I had the opportunity to the way the Internet wasn't built like this, I might have. But I'm so fortunate that I didn't have the opportunity that it was like always one foot in front of the other. And I believe that I got to where I'm going faster and will always have more longevity because I never skipped over.

00:09:11
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I want to talk about those moments. What were some of the defining moments as an assistant as you're taking these steps, because being an assistant is not the same as being the boss that you are. Now, you know what I'm saying, You are like running things, what was that like, because some people they I feel like the younger generation, they want to skip right to the boss. What were some of those defining moments as an assistant where that made you either feel like I don't want to do this or no, this is exactly where I want to be.

00:09:39
Speaker 3: I think that my assistant experience was unlike many people. My boss at the time, Boo, who you know very well, was really challenged me and he was really tough on me. And because he was who he was, he required me to have a lot of knowledge about what I was doing because I would have to show up as him a lot of the time. Whatever it was he was doing, and I got I got fired. He probably fired me like two or three times. Bring me back because you don't know his social Security number and I haven't. Yeah, he fired me one time for doing something with a contract. I forgot what I did. It was it was something stupid, but I didn't know. This was my first time in music. I'm like, yeah, everyone can read the contract.

00:10:29
Speaker 4: Right, and they're like, no, everybody can, and he's like, you know, he fired me, and then you know, I think it was like two days later he called me and was like I needed you to book a flight and I didn't say nothing.

00:10:40
Speaker 3: I just booked a flight and I went back to the office.

00:10:42
Speaker 1: The next day.

00:10:44
Speaker 3: So there were those challenges, but also just like he made me him had access to meeting people, I was able to be in the room. I was on the call, so like I'm hearing how La Read is talking and and why this song, why Rude Boy is the song to pick? And I'm booking flights and seeing him like travel around with Lehanna, what does it take to be on a tour? And I just saw everything in that position, like I have more visibility than I would ever give anybody who assist me, because no, but yeah, he showed me everything, and thank God for him that I was somebody who was responsible. But that is always going to be the most important job I ever have. It will always be the most impactful position that I've ever had. I have never met more people in my life, including you, through anybody else or any other job position, that have come back around to help me in some way or vice versa than in that position. So I'm always so grateful for it. And yeah, I just like I became the boss that I am by watching somebody do it. But he allowed me to be it in a humble way, so you can come and play as me so you understand what's going on. But I never overstepped as like, oh, I'm ready, I'm ready for this. It was more like I'm not, so what more do I need to know? How do they do this? How I was taking notes?

00:12:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so important.

00:12:13
Speaker 2: But I love that because there is such an importance of honoring every step that you're in. I was a production assistant, and then I ended up becoming not passing a few things that I did, but I was an assistant, a personal production assistant. Then I became a background costumer. Then I became a costumer, then a costume designer. But quite like your experience with Bu as his assistant, that was my experience with Tyler as his stylist.

00:12:39
Speaker 1: Not being him or like stepping.

00:12:42
Speaker 2: Into his shoes, but being around him, like hearing how he ran business, seeing how he carried himself around fans and around business people, and the conversations that I was privy to helped me to be the businesswoman I am today. And I do not take that lightly. I never did. And the places that he took me, the exposure that I got from being around him things that I would have never experienced at that age or at that time, or even with what I was bringing in, I would have never gotten to do those things. And it really helped shape who I am today and help handle what I'm doing now. So I know exactly what you mean about that.

00:13:16
Speaker 3: Yeah, Well, And it's funny cause I took that m Like. I didn't ask for that type of treatment, cause at the time, I was like, why are you being so mean to me?

00:13:25
Speaker 1: Right?

00:13:25
Speaker 3: But now I appreciate it. But I really took that. And when I had an opportunity to work with Nick Cannon, the only reason why I did that was because I was like, oh, I know what happens when you're around somebody like this, Right, So if you're a person that I respected, Meyer, I wanna do anything like what you do.

00:13:42
Speaker 1: MM.

00:13:43
Speaker 3: I just want to be around you. And so I had at that time taken a step back in my career to force myself to have the same experience that I learned that worked, cause I just wanted to move around with him MM and see and see what that was like and how you treated people and how you show up to things. How are you I want to know how the hell he was getting so many things done.

00:14:03
Speaker 1: That man, and it days busy. That's a listen, I need Nick, what's up? Man? I actually need to come shattery you myself because it'll.

00:14:10
Speaker 3: Bring him here.

00:14:11
Speaker 2: Like I went and did his show, but he needs to come here because that is insane. That man has so many jobs and I'm like, how are you in all these places?

00:14:19
Speaker 3: But it was a wonder right and so when I had the opportunity to see it, I know how he shows up to everything on time. You have a great experience when you come in. He comes and he does the job he says yes to. If he cares about you, he'll say yes to anything that you ask him to do. And he'll say you have an hour. I'll be there at three o'clock and I'm leaving at four o'clock cause i gotta get on a jet to go see with the twins. But like, I'm committed to you with what you need to do. And I took a lot of things from him about it was like less business stuff but more about how to show up and be a good person and make sure that people have a good experience with you. So it's not about him being busy. He's booked and busy because he's a great experience. When he shows up to the.

00:14:58
Speaker 1: Job, he is that he is a shout out Nick Cannon. That's amazing.

00:15:04
Speaker 2: I used to do music and I was trying to get a record deal and all these things. And I remember one thing Boo told me when I first moved to Atlanta. He said, Crystal, give yourself a set period of time of how long you're gonna chase this and if it doesn't work, find something else. He was like, because this industry is crazy. And what I found was that it's such a male dominated industry and it was tough navigating that as a woman who didn't have a big team behind her to kind of protect me. You know, with you working in such a male dominated industry, how did you navigate that?

00:15:35
Speaker 3: He's so tough. Yeah, I'm like a lot of crazy ass advice, just like he did you at a very young age, where I'm like, oh shit, all right, cool yep. I So one thing that I try to make very clear is like I do not push the agenda that it is hard to be a woman in the music business because of your womanhood. I don't like that. I respect everything that every woman that went through anything to get into this business before me went through. They are the people that made it easier for me or for me to have the experience that I had. But I hate pushing the narrative to any young person. It's going to be hard for you because you're a woman, because when you go into it like that, you already set yourself up to experience this thing that you fear so much. And I believe in that you experience what you fear. Nobody ever put that on me. No one ever made me think that. I came into it working at a male dominant company with Bo and Lee and all the you know, everybody that was around. They respected me, They taught me like I said, They allowed me to be in rooms. They didn't allow anybody else to disrespect me. And my experience was I'm valuable because I'm a woman. Like, what can I bring Because I'm a woman, y'all don't know something that I know. You can't do something that I can do. And so my thoughts has always been it's been easier for me because I'm a woman. I'm not competing with you, I'm not competing with the sex. That's dominant in this field. I'm not. I'm also not competing with the women. So I just like I've never I never put that on myself. So I didn't experience that, and I experienced it. This is me being stubborn again. I did what I wanted to do, and I experienced it how I want to experience it. And I want to encourage anybody, doesn't matter what age you are, and that's coming into it to like figure out what you appreciate about you instead of going into everything thinking about what you don't have or what the lack is. But on this, I'm from there, I'm this old whatever. It's like, why is that a good thing? That's how I've tried to think.

00:17:51
Speaker 1: It seems to Yeah, it's working, Yeah it has.

00:17:55
Speaker 2: You ended up deciding to leave Atlanta and moved to Los Angeles. Was that the first big pivot that you made in big wrists and jump and say hey, I'm leaving?

00:18:05
Speaker 1: Or had you left Atlanta before?

00:18:06
Speaker 3: I left Atlanta? As soon as I quit working with Boo, I left Atlanta to take a job at a talent agency. I had snuck off child. Me and Boo fell out. He was mad at me. He would get mad, but he always he's like, all right, we did, but he was mad. I ran off to La as I got to get that hell out of here. I have to changed my life. I was reading a book called Conversations with God, and I was like, I'm out, I'm taking a risk, and I took a job at a talent agency in LA and I was sleeping on my homegirl Ozzie On's couch at the time, and it was not for me.

00:18:49
Speaker 1: That two weeks.

00:18:50
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, y'all got me messed up. I don't want to have to go to jail in La so I need to come back home. And they got cried and lied to my boss at the time that like, Lord, I probably I think I put death on somebody. I was like, I had a death in the family. I have to go. It's an emergency to go. My stuff just made it to La on a truck. I turned around and moved back to Atlanta and was like, never mind, yeah, about two weeks, give it take. I wasn't ready. And you know, on the one hand, I'm like, I wish I would have stuck it out, But everything worked out so perfectly. That's when I went back and started working with k Camp and mother friends that I grew up with, and surprising enough, because his career was blossoming, he was spending a lot of time in LA. So now when I started going, I would stay for like three months at a time, but I was with my people and I was doing things I was supposed to be doing and I was meeting the right people, and so that helped me adjust when I made the big decision like no, I'm just gonna move and there is no turning around.

00:19:54
Speaker 2: Wow, And what was that like once you get to La whole new world?

00:19:59
Speaker 3: Oh, I was ready?

00:20:00
Speaker 1: You were ready this one?

00:20:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was my mind was adjusted. I had got my job at Spotify, and I was I was very proud and I'll always be proud that I didn't have to leave to be successful whatever I thought success was. I got that job here and I worked here for a year doing it. And then there was just one point, for two different reasons. One, when you leave Atlanta, you really realize how many people you don't know. When I lived here, I said, this is it, like I'm popping. Ain't nobody else for me to meet? And then I started traveling in New York and traveling in LA for this job, and I was like, I don't know anybody and they don't know me, which is like that that was my thing in Atlanta. I have a great reputation here. If you've worked with me, you love me. If you if somebody asked about Ambergrints, I know what you're gonna say.

00:20:51
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:20:52
Speaker 3: I got up out of here and people were like, who the fuck are you? And I was like, oh, that's a problem. Okay, this is a new challenge. You don't know who I am? Well, you know, get ready right, that's me? And yes, I was ready to move because I was like, there's this whole new world out there and I need to jump into it and get this to be this process up right, they have to meet me. I'm a great girl. And uh. And then I just realized that my husband wasn't in Atlanta. I was like, you're not here.

00:21:19
Speaker 1: He mine, girl, Listen, I ain't convinced he's not here.

00:21:25
Speaker 3: I have to take us straight off of business. But really that was a deciding factor. I was like, love love y'all. Everybody who I ever dated or whatever you call that in Atlanta talking because it don't really be I don't know what we do got to get it together. We got to get it together. But whoever I was talking to one point where I was like, yeah, like, it's not going to happen for me here and me being in a relationship was important. I also am not one of those girls that want to work, work, work and have no personal life and end up. But I don't like cats, So I intentionally was like, my husband's not here, Sonny to go find out maybe where they reside, and.

00:22:05
Speaker 1: There wasn't there.

00:22:07
Speaker 3: And then my job. I was in my job at Spotify, but I already knew that I wanted a new opportunity and whatever my next opportunity was, had no idea what it was. It also wasn't here for me.

00:22:21
Speaker 1: The realization I love that you were aware that it's not here, and now, yeah, you were right.

00:22:28
Speaker 2: You were onto something now because I've been saying it's so ghetto in this dating pool here in Atlanta, and I hear.

00:22:34
Speaker 3: It's ghetto everywhere, right, Yeah, I really hard, That's what I hear. But I me and my boyfriend started dating my first official day there, so.

00:22:46
Speaker 2: I didn't experience that was wow, y'all met your first official day in La.

00:22:50
Speaker 3: Yes, I knew him not well, so he was somebody that was around. He has a totally different story of how he met because he was like, I had emailed you. I was already like trying to and I'm like, I don't know if he pulled up the email, He's like, you never responded. I was like, that sounds right, that sounds like, but I'm very intentional about well, at this moment in my life, I got very intentional about dating because I was like, I want something different, I want someone different. I went through like a lot of frogs, so now I actually know how I want to be treated. And I was, I was on the apps. I was like, I'm willing to put myself out there and do whatever it is that I have to do. I'm reading books, I'm doing whatever it is I have to do to prepare myself for whoever it is. To recognize him, right, because I don't have problems dating. I know people do so, but I had a problem and I think many women do recognizing your person, yeah, because they wouldn't be needing them to break into our house, right.

00:23:48
Speaker 2: No, literally, it's ridiculous, and so it wasn't.

00:23:52
Speaker 3: I was very intentional that like when he shows up. I don't really care what he looks like. I have my like three non negotiables. I think you should only half five, but I have my three non negotiables. And as long as you were you were cool and not that, I'll give you a chance. And that's the energy I came out with here. And the first person who asked me on a date was a white boy with a ponytail, and I was like, okay, what's up?

00:24:15
Speaker 1: Run it right, shake off?

00:24:18
Speaker 3: What's up?

00:24:19
Speaker 1: Take me to dinner? Baby, literally asked me to dinner.

00:24:22
Speaker 3: I was like, let's go tomorrow, and we went and that was it from.

00:24:26
Speaker 1: Wow, that is crazy. Okay, So John need to go to LA.

00:24:34
Speaker 3: Six years right.

00:24:38
Speaker 1: See, that's what I'm saying. She left New York. It's the intention.

00:24:43
Speaker 3: I tell him all the time. He doesn't like when I say it that like I made you in my mind, like shout out to your mom too, but like I I created you, and then you showed up to me as the person that I created. Because I wasn't like I mean him to be six months high and that I didn't care what you came in at the time. I was like, I will recognize it when I see it and that was it and I received it instead of so I was playing lovers blind. I didn't even need to be in the pod child. Everybody needs to get it together.

00:25:13
Speaker 2: I need to get in together because I've had people say I hope this guy's interested and the first time like.

00:25:20
Speaker 1: Like, so I need Yeah, I definitely. Look.

00:25:22
Speaker 2: I'm like cause the first thing you do is you see you know what I'm saying, So I see it.

00:25:25
Speaker 1: I'm like, Nah, that ain't And then I go to the Instagram and I'm.

00:25:29
Speaker 3: Like, you're so lucky as a woman that we we can grow to be attracted to people.

00:25:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, because they did unattracted guys And then actually was like he's just so like I just loved it.

00:25:41
Speaker 3: Maybe unattractive to you, but it's like, girl, I don't need you to be attracted.

00:25:44
Speaker 1: By attracted to you.

00:25:46
Speaker 3: Yeah, I hope he's ugly like whatever, but it's like, uh, the my favorite thing about my boyfriend is his uh financial literacy. M Like when he started telling me about credit and money and what I need to do, and I was like, wow, so so cute. You were cut before, but express I was like, this card is really hard, Like I'm gonna have one of the easy like, yeah, that's easy.

00:26:18
Speaker 1: Apply.

00:26:19
Speaker 3: But he taught me so much stuff that like nobody was teaching me. I was at Spotify at the time. He could tell me what to do with by Stock. That was interesting conversation to me. I don't want to talk about TV shows and stuff with somebody. I was like, this is cool. And so while I thought he was attractive the whole time, he began to get more and more attractive and more and more husband like as the conversations went on. And if you don't give somebody a chance, you never get there.

00:26:47
Speaker 1: You don't. That is so true. Okay, she's getting that. You give me advice? What are you thinking?

00:26:54
Speaker 5: Because because you've said and I made a note here about the three, but you believe that woman should have five and I think that.

00:27:02
Speaker 3: You mat more than five. Right, how do you get to a place.

00:27:07
Speaker 5: Where you even begin recognizable?

00:27:09
Speaker 1: What are your non negotiables for you?

00:27:11
Speaker 3: Right? And then and then.

00:27:15
Speaker 5: Yeah, how do you how do you begin to how did you begin to establish like, Hey, these are the I set the intention that I'm going to move and I want to find love, and then you set the intention of like and these are my non negotiables.

00:27:29
Speaker 3: There's a process there. Yeah. I think it's it's like having sitting down and having a conversation with yourself, right like when you're later in your dating life. I guess it's like you have experience. So instead of dating the same person, why would you take some time and reflect, yes, and like think about what you really didn't like, or would you maybe you know, could have dealt with Like if you went on one date with somebody and you're like, oh, red flag, because I know we do that, Like I could have went on a second date with him, Like I don't. I don't even have the information. I hadn't ask enough questions. I ran away. I think people need to stop and reflect, especially when they have the data. And the reason why I say the five non negotiables is because like one thing that I know we do is make a long list of all the things that we want. And this is so long that the person isn't a real person. You're actually an alien literally that lives on Mars. It makes no sense. So now you've committed to this list that nobody can live up to, and every single person that you date, you put this list against them, and girl, they could have twelve out of the eighteen things that you have on there, and you write it off because you're like, well, this is this is very important. So I have stuff together. I know what I want to not so the I say the five non negotiables because I'm like, what don't you really want? Like what in that experience are you not willing to deal with? And it can't be a laundry list or you're probably the red flag right that you're expecting so much out of something, And maybe make a list about what's wrong with you because somebody's gonna have to accept these things about.

00:29:09
Speaker 1: You exactly, somebody.

00:29:11
Speaker 3: If I want somebody to wait for me because I'll be late, I maybe can't complain about X y Z that they do because this is who I am. I'm gonna have to take somebody as who they are. But like, one of one of my non negotiables is not smoking cigarettes. I just don't. I've dealt with somebody who smoked cigarettes before. I didn't like it. I don't like cigarettes. That is on my I only get fired. That is it is very important to me. Won't do it, can't do it.

00:29:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like it doesn't even have to be that deep, but I just like, I know what I don't want, and women.

00:29:44
Speaker 3: Were usually good at that because we do it with food. We don't ever know we want to eat, but what I don't want. You're right, it's the same concept, like figure out what you were totally not willing to put up with and everybody else is worth having a conversation. Yeah, it's worth going on a second date.

00:30:01
Speaker 2: Where did you get that concept from the five nine negotiables?

00:30:04
Speaker 3: My mind?

00:30:05
Speaker 1: Well, you just created it. Yeah, I love that.

00:30:08
Speaker 3: I read a lot of books and so I feel like there were different pieces that came to me about how I like creating a process of how I'm going to be intentional. So this was my process. Getting on the apps was a part of the process. I've never been on a dating that never acted. I was like, I'm not. I was like, cool, I've never tried that, so how could I say, I'm really trying and there's this whole arena where I don't exist And it was cool, it was fun. I was on rye up, let's do the stuff. But I think just putting myself out there in that way brought somebody to me that had nothing to do with the app. You attracted it, but we shut ourselves down in a lot of different ways where we're like, oh, I'm so much trouble finding me and I can't date. I can't and you're like, well you're not.

00:30:55
Speaker 1: I wasn't leaving the house like I was.

00:30:57
Speaker 3: Going to break in. I think everybody should make their own plan. And I'm always open and I love talking to I love talking to my friends about me. This is like my secret passion in another life. I am like a dating coach or whatever you call like a matchmaker, and I just help us get it together. But I feel like I got to be married or nobody's gonna trust me and my advice. Like I'm really good. You got to create your process. You have to create what works for you. And I know a big example. One of my friends came to me and you know, she's looking she was looking for love, and she's like she's meeting people, but like you know, it's very important to her that someone be very close to God like they need to be, and she is that person. To me, she is very close to God. She has given me every book on spirituality that I ever read, and she taught me everything I know about my relationship with God. And I'm like, you have been that person for me and you never cared, as one of my closest friends, how close I was to God and you offered me the best that you have to give and we are close because of that. So why when you meet a man do you want him to come with what you have to give so that you provide no value to him because he is already as close to God as he needs to be. When this is the most special thing about you, somebody's gonna fall in love with you the way I did as a friend because you have to share this. So if you change that person's life or bring them closer to God, you guys are going to have something amazing. But you you want him to come with all the all the information, and I'm like, that's your gift. Why does it matter? I mean not atheists like that, but I just like that was one of those moments where I was like, we just kind of set ourselves up in the wrong way, and we need to think about the things that we say sometimes and the things that we do and why, Yeah, certain things matter.

00:32:50
Speaker 2: That's so true because I feel like as women, I know I'm talking to one of my girlfriends before because she was kind of harping on some things that her boyfriend was doing. And I was like, well, you don't get mad when I don't call you, or I was like, so why is it?

00:33:04
Speaker 3: Like?

00:33:04
Speaker 1: Why are you?

00:33:04
Speaker 2: Why do we put certain stipulations on our man that we don't do on our friends. And we love our friends, you know, and a lot of times we choose our traditional unconditionally. Yeah, And and it made me think sometimes should we bring that same type of a gope love that we have for our girlfriends into our relationships with our men.

00:33:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you have to figure out where your mind is right at the point where it's a respect issue, you know, I do have standards for my friends. If you say you are coming over at two, I expect you to come over too, if you don't be like where was you at? If I tell if my man say he's coming home at midnight and you come home at five am, I'll be like, where there was you at? So it's like, you don't you know, in healthy friendships, you don't just let your real friends slide with shame. You guys have boundaries. But I agree with what you're saying. It's no different than friends, I have a There's so many things I should keep to myself, but.

00:34:09
Speaker 1: I uh.

00:34:11
Speaker 3: I've had really what I thought were deep relationships with people in the past, and the one time that I realized I really loved a person, which is my current boyfriend, It's like, I don't experience a missing him when I'm gone because I know when I come back, he's going to be there. I just left you. You're doing your thing. I'm doing mine, and I don't experience this like, oh I'm long and pretty, Oh it's been till three days. And with other people I might have been with that because I felt like I owned them. Oh. Ever that that that missing thing to me, and everyone doesn't agree. That's why I say, sometimes keep my fucking trip to myself. When you when you feel like you own somebody or they're yours, you're like, I want my thing back.

00:35:01
Speaker 1: Where's my thing?

00:35:02
Speaker 3: Like it's supposed to be in your back pocket? And when you love someone very freely and unconditionally, they can go away. They can go away for months and you're like, yes, I miss you in the sense of like I wish that you were here. I love to watch TV with you whatever we do. But I don't feel like I own you. I don't feel like your mind you are yours. I am me, and when we come back together, we are us. But it is not like a I need you here on my lap. It's sick, actually, And I had to because I thought I was being weird, like, oh why am I not having this feeling? And I was like, it's actually healthy to not feel like that. Yes, So I have to unlearned that high school love that I was used to of like somebody that you see every day in the hallway, so you feel so passionate about them. You don't care if they work at Burger king Jaw. You just like I love them. When you grow up, it's not high school the things that you need to care about.

00:35:55
Speaker 1: That is so true.

00:35:57
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that was really good.

00:36:01
Speaker 1: I'm glad you.

00:36:01
Speaker 2: Oh no, because that that's so true because I feel like even with friendships, we feel like we own our friends sometimes and I had went through that. But to bring that into like our relationships with men, that is so important and I'm gonna work on that because I've definitely I feel like society has.

00:36:19
Speaker 1: It's this whole concept of.

00:36:21
Speaker 2: My man, my man, and my man he will and even my therapist, she goes, that is objectifying someone. She's like, you're literally like making basically what you just said, you like, like you own them, like it's your thing.

00:36:34
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I never thought about that.

00:36:35
Speaker 2: I thought it was like endearing, like this is my man like, but no, she was like, that is literally you're making him an object.

00:36:42
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, and vice versa.

00:36:43
Speaker 3: I don't want that from somebody. I don't want to give that energy to anybody. I like, I really believe in the cup, the cups being fulled. Yeah, and so it's like when you have to pour into somebody, then you don't have something left. So then you begin to resent somebody because now they're over here full and you're glasses half empty, but they pour it back into you. Now you're like, I feel great, Yeah, And that person's like everybody, I feel your own glass. There's water everywhere, like you gotta you gotta fill up whatever it is for you. And if we both come to each other, oh, then there's nothing but overflow. Yes, you know.

00:37:17
Speaker 1: And I do wanna ask you something, Being.

00:37:19
Speaker 2: That you stepped outside of dating a black man, do you feel like that had an impact on that feeling because dating black men can be different than.

00:37:29
Speaker 1: They just because they have different experiences.

00:37:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, I I can't. I I can't say I don't. I don't think so. I think that I have matured so much in my and let me tell you, I don't discriminate. I've dated my first white boy when I was in kindergarten.

00:37:47
Speaker 1: I know that's right.

00:37:50
Speaker 3: I've never discriminated. And then there was a Columbia one and then you know, so it was always like I've I've dated them all and I love black men to death honestly, like in every single way. But it was about who loves me. I don't care what you look like. And I think I had just I was being so intentional. I had grown, I was on the end of a lot of bad relationships and learned lessons that I was just ready to love differently and to be loved differently, and I didn't It definitely didn't matter about the package that it came in. Yeah, it was just like, and anybody could have got this work. I had worked by myself, and I was like, I'm ready to share it with somebody.

00:38:32
Speaker 1: I know that's right.

00:38:33
Speaker 3: Period.

00:38:35
Speaker 2: Tyler always tells me that my husband either isn't in the United States, or have you ever thought about you know? And I have a lot of friends like, because have you ever thought about dating outside.

00:38:44
Speaker 1: Of the eras? And I am still holding a coat for the black man.

00:38:49
Speaker 3: As you should.

00:38:50
Speaker 1: I'm holding it on, but y'all, I'm getting to my fingers are starting to let up.

00:38:57
Speaker 3: If ever, if ever, you get a little weary. I talked with my friends about this all the time, and like the biggest thing is like, oh, but it's so different. There's there's so many cultural differences like taking him home, Hey, mom, well, I guess since you dated different races all of your whole life. And they're like, yeah, my grandma's married to a white man named Terry or something. That we were cool. He was, if that matters, But no, never had any problems there. It was obviously a concern to me about his family. Okay, cool, Like except on this site. If accept me on that.

00:39:32
Speaker 1: Site, the best amazing, they're the best.

00:39:34
Speaker 3: They're amazing, Like they don't play that ship. They from New Jersey, like they were nothing more than welcoming. And I went in to make sure and he made me very secure in that. But I tell my friends I'm like, it's cool talking to somebody that you don't have everything in common with, like that comfort that you're looking for, Like you've seen Friday. Yeah, I seen Friday too, Funny, right, I get to show you Friday, and I'm like, let's make a night of you. Like and he had seated already, but like, I'm like, cool, Now I get to share this thing with you. And if you want to show me some hall and notes, then come on, we can play this record. And I'm like, oh, I actually know that so oh Diddy sampled that record, but you're sharing something with me that I didn't know. And I think one of the we traveled early. I'm big on that, by the way, Yes, that was a part of my process, travel early. So you know who somebody is. I'll come back to that. And we just talk and talk and talk, and we never run out of things to talk about because we have two different perspectives on a lot of things. You find out that there's so much in common, and then all the things that are not you get to talk about. Yeah, And so I don't see us falling in that world where we have every We already know everything about each other and everybody's world where we're just sitting at the dinner table and we're silent. You know, I I don't love to see that couple when I'm out at dinner. We will never run out of things to talk about.

00:41:05
Speaker 1: It's amazing.

00:41:07
Speaker 3: Everybody don't like to communicate though they do not.

00:41:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're something traveling traveling, yes, and learning a person travel early.

00:41:16
Speaker 3: Everybody make your own intentional dating process. This was mine, so my non negotiables, you know, putting myself out there. And as soon as I find somebody that I'm like, okay, I kind of like you, let's go somewhere because I'm going to find out who you are and you were going to meet me during the stress and strife of traveling. And I invented that show. Okay, That's why Love is Blind resonates with me because I'm like, I did this already, okay, the right way that they trimming. They need me to help. But we went to the Bahamas. I was like, cool, let's man, so many issues with this trip, but like I'm like, yo, my friend has like a time share there, like we get stay for free, let's go, let's do it. Love my friend to death and so We're like, cool, we're just going to stay at this random house. We've never seen it before, but like, let's do it. As soon as we land in the Bahamas. I'm reading a book. Put my passport in the book as a you know, bookmark. Leave the book in the taxi.

00:42:23
Speaker 1: Oh man, it's gone.

00:42:25
Speaker 3: Passport's gone, the book is gone. And we just pulled up in front of the house. The taxi drives off and I'm like, wow, where's my things. I'm never going to see this taxi driver again in my life. That is me. I do stupid stuff. I can be careless at times, like you might have to deal with that. Well, there's nothing we can do about it now, So like you want to just like get in the pool, have a good time. We'll figure out where the embassy is and we'll straighten it out tomorrow. And I was like, that's it. You don't want to like, you know, not mad. You don't want to be like, oh, how can you do nothing? Nothing? And I was like, that's how I want to be treated. I want to be giving grace when I do stupid things, because I do stupid shit. And that, you know, the next day, came to the embassy, with me. We sat and waited, spent half of a vacation like learning the process of getting over the border, which is not right and not fair to other people. Americans. They treat, let me tell you something, Let me tell you something. I tried to go up to that border, be in the let him sleep, I'll figure it out. Went to the embassy by myself with my homeboy who joined us on the trip. So we didn't know it was going to be a three person trip. So the trip, the trip is a rat. Kids like what's going on? But I went with my homeboy. I'm like, yeah, you take me. You're from here, like show me. They I got to that border and they were like Rihanna, please turn around. What are you Seriously They were like no, I don't know what type type of scam you're running, but yeah, we'll see you later. I went up there with my white boyfriend and they were like please, Like I was just here with Tyrone and okay, perks tough. But sat up in there with me all day long and took me to get the passport picture or come back, do all the things. And I was just like, yeah, this is I just want somebody who is nice. He laughs at me for saying that. He's like, were people mean to you? I'm like, yeah, yeah, me, maybe me. Sometimes I wanted I needed somebody who was nice to me, and he was always nice to me, and that was one of my non negotiables. Don't be mean. That's it in whatever way it shows up. I don't need that. And so yeah, that that Bahamas trip, I.

00:44:40
Speaker 1: Was like, she's so cute.

00:44:43
Speaker 3: She's like, I'm in there.

00:44:47
Speaker 1: He's the guy. I love it. I love that. I want to talk about your book club.

00:44:51
Speaker 2: Okay, you just started a book club because I can stay on dating all day, honey.

00:44:56
Speaker 1: I know.

00:44:56
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. I'm like, I've ruined the show.

00:44:59
Speaker 2: No, you literally babies, it's so good. Oh my god, No, it's so good, so good. But yeah, what made you want to start a book club?

00:45:11
Speaker 3: Really? I started the book club because I'm in another process of my life right now. I love processes, as you know, yes, and I'm trying to detach my personal life and my purpose from my work.

00:45:25
Speaker 6: Wow.

00:45:26
Speaker 3: I love my job. She's on your street right now.

00:45:34
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that's good.

00:45:36
Speaker 3: I love my job. I love my clients, I love my life. I love every piece of every moment that I've spent over the last fourteen years completely dedicated to becoming the person that I am today in business not anymore. I don't think that I'm going to be able to continue to be successful without desiring to have a personal life.

00:46:04
Speaker 1: And so I sacrificed a lot.

00:46:06
Speaker 3: He sacrificed a lot, and so, like the relationship thing is one of the things a lot of women immediately go like, yeah, Okay, it's fine, I'm gonna work work work. I don't need That was not one of the things that I was wanting to sacrifice. A baby was focused on that, but it was that in my work. So I'm like, well, at least I'm happy personally, but like work, work, work, work, work, And I really had like started struggling with why I don't have anything else that like just I enjoy that's just for me. And the only thing that I enjoyed doing for free is reading anything else I'm gonna charge you, period. But I'm like, you know, there's a lot of young people that look up to me or young girls who have asked me to mentor and I'm like, girl, like I tell you a lot of things, but everything that I learned is in a book, and so you can't have coffee with everybody, You can't sit, you know, you can't do the zoom with everybody. So I'm like, how can I create a space where I can answer those questions more people, or they can go and discover and get their own perspective and I can just share with them what helped me. And if you get something from it, amazing. If you don't, and you just discover a love for reading, then I'm happy to have given that to you too. But I think that is my purpose and whatever I thought my purpose was before, Like I was confusing my purpose with my job.

00:47:35
Speaker 6: Get off of the North Street. We just had this conversation in the card the other day. Yeah it's crazy, that's crazy. Yeah, it was a trick.

00:47:49
Speaker 1: The trick. Yeah, No, that's the real thing.

00:47:52
Speaker 2: And I'm guilty of And I think it's easier for me to be like I'm just going to stay single and work because I don't have anybody. You know, if I had somebody, because I love love and I feel like if I had someone, then I would try to find that balance. But even with I feel like, now, even with this podcast, I'm finding my purpose because I didn't feel like acting. That's a dream and I'm touching people in that, but not the way I touch people with this.

00:48:17
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.

00:48:18
Speaker 2: So if you had three books that you would tell people, I know you said, Conversations with Gods that's number one.

00:48:23
Speaker 1: That's number one.

00:48:24
Speaker 2: What are two more books that you would advise or recommend for people.

00:48:28
Speaker 3: To Conversations with God? Number one? The second is Return of Love, and then the third just simply because I'm a creative is always damn good advice for people with talent to read it in a day. It is literally just like you know about taking risk in your work and showing up to work differently. Yeah, I enjoy my job because I get to be myself a lot of people don't have that. And so I've worked and like I said, I'm proud of my career amazing. Like you, I wouldn't have done anything different.

00:49:00
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:49:00
Speaker 3: This is the time, though, where life is begging me to do something different because I don't even think that I can be better for my clients or the book I read, my book of the Month last month, Diary of CEO help me be a better leader at my job. I'm like, Wow, these concepts are mind blowing, you know. And I gave a big speech to my staff about failure and like I was motivated to teach them. And so I just like, your purpose will fuel your dreams and all these things that you're doing. But we're thinking the other way around, Like if I stick to the dream, I'll it'll fuel my purpose, and like that is not how it works. It's like very ass backwards.

00:49:37
Speaker 2: It is.

00:49:38
Speaker 1: That is my goodness.

00:49:40
Speaker 2: So you rep with your label love Renassignce, you represent Black Summer, Walker, de Vito, Alex Vaughn, just the name a few. How do you find the balance because these are some big artists. How do you find the balance in your relationship, your passion now and just your personal life and literally running a whole record label.

00:50:02
Speaker 3: Yeah. So one of the things that I had as a non negotiable that I took out a long time ago was I don't want to date somebody in the music industry. I don't want to date somebody that does what I do. I could not date anybody else. My boyfriend owns a record label. He understands everything that I do. He understands my stress, he understands the whole I don't explain anything to him. He might have had the same day as me because of his artist or whatever he's going through. That helps me in my relationship that like, you know, you're not somebody who has to wake up at six am, so you go to bed at eight o'clock when I'm at the studio till midnight, and so when I come home, it's like you see.

00:50:39
Speaker 1: Where the disconnects starts.

00:50:42
Speaker 3: We live the same life, so we can ask each other for advice, we can listen to music together, we can do the things that we both love together and separately. So I was able to do my personal thing in a relationship because I made sure that it fit with the thing that I care about most or that I cared about most is my career.

00:51:02
Speaker 6: Yeah.

00:51:04
Speaker 3: And then yeah, with the you make time for what you doing to make time for. When I started the book club, it really taught me like, dang, I was being lazy before because you had because I had time. Yeah, you make time everybody. People, the artists sleep, they do regardless of what they said say right. And I've always been big on how I use my twenty four hours. And I think that I do more than most people. But I still had a little bit of time, and so I wanted to I'm not doing less at my job. I'm just doing more in my life. But if this, like other two hours of you know, shooting content makes me feel fulfilled when I wake up on Monday morning, I'm a better person to have on the zoom. I'm proud of myself, and so I come to work happy and ready to do the things. I'm more inspired. I'm making content. So I'm telling my artists like shit, this has worked for me, so like we might need to. I'm learning still, which is so important to me. When you stop learning, it's over.

00:52:08
Speaker 1: Yes, it's over.

00:52:10
Speaker 3: Like that's when you're lost, and it's really boring. And so I found, you know, my own I've always had to self teach. I didn't finish, and so I feel like I'm in school again.

00:52:21
Speaker 6: Yea.

00:52:22
Speaker 3: And yeah, I'm just excited now. And I was getting when you're bored and miserable, you show up like that and it shows up and everything you create. You have that towards your staff, you have that towards the artist they're trying to make music. You can't put that energy on somebody. Yeah, and so yeah, I just wanted to make sure I needed to I did what I needed to do to be the best for everybody, and that would make me happy.

00:52:48
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I love that. I love that. So you started your record label with five of your friends.

00:52:54
Speaker 3: They started it.

00:52:55
Speaker 1: Then you joined it.

00:52:57
Speaker 3: Yeah, Oh wow, I ampiltrayed it.

00:53:01
Speaker 1: I'm coming alone this dope.

00:53:03
Speaker 2: So what is because I know a lot of people like they come up together, like you look at Lebron and with him and Math and Rich and Randy have all done together as friends and just really been amazing excel together. But I know in that there can be hardships, but there also it can be beauty in that. Have you guys had any situations like that?

00:53:25
Speaker 1: Yeah?

00:53:25
Speaker 3: I think for me and you know how I started, Like my first job felt like family. So it's people that I know. When you join the Charm family, you're in there.

00:53:35
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:53:36
Speaker 3: So I've never up until Spotify, my first corporate job, had a job where I wasn't working with people that I don't know. Yes, ever, and that was my experience because in Atlanta, we don't have a lot of buildings, So if you got a job, it was because your friend was coming up or this song popped off or whatever they wanted to work with you. That was my experience. When I left that experience again because I wanted something different, I went to a corporate setting. Luckily for me, at Spotify, I fell in love with everybody that I work with, still friends with everybody to this day, and incredible community. I loved that went on to keep that going. And you know, corporate America is not family, you know, and I think that my priorities. I've always done what I have always done what makes me happy. And I didn't start trying to trade my happiness for money until I stopped working with people that I love. So then I was like, well, this doesn't matter. I'm willing to do this.

00:54:36
Speaker 2: Because I'm making all this money right.

00:54:40
Speaker 3: And that was stupid, and so I just love her stupid. Yeah, but you got to go through it or else I would have no, I wouldn't know. I love a good a b testing. So I went and I did that and ran away from there because I knew that I didn't like the feeling and like somebody always does the same way that when I quit that agency job, somebody that I love was there to be like you can come home, yes, And you know, I had grown a lot in my personal career. And then these guys that you know an array of times, but all of them I've known between being sixteen years old and twenty one.

00:55:23
Speaker 1: Wow, so like these are life.

00:55:27
Speaker 3: Yes, they know me, and I watched them build an incredible business over the last ten years, ten plus years. They watched me become an executive that they could trust, work with do things together. We've done all types of crazy stuff together and support each other over the decade. And then it was like very serendipitous that they're like, hey, we need this structure and a woman because it's five guys. It's first it's five first generation immigrants.

00:56:00
Speaker 2: Wow, so you know what the mood.

00:56:03
Speaker 1: Is absolutely yeah good and one.

00:56:06
Speaker 3: One's Nigerian, my favorite one, my best friend and I did I did my twenty three and me and I found out I'm Nigerian too, So that's why we right, So that's the problem. We're the problem. But no we uh, you know, just they said I could come home and I still live in La but just mentally physically spiritually, like I could find a place there and you know, not to be you know, forward or braggadocious. But I also learned in that experience that when you do, you know, give up the little teddy bear for the bigger teddy bear, the bat the money thing, works yourself out.

00:56:44
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:56:45
Speaker 3: Always, always it always, always I was willing to. I would not give up any amount of money for my happiness. And I would work with them for free. Don't tell them and are you some time? Because I love Chlo, but I would. I would do what I'm doing with them for free because being able to hang around and to work with and to create things with five people that you trust and think like you, that will challenge you, that'll be like now that's whack. Like shoot again, like that's our thing, right, and uh it helps you grow in so many ways. But every day I just like, uh, I don't feel defeated because I'm like, I know you, I trust you, you love me. And then they we go to therapy together. Okay, yeah we have. We've been in therapy together as a group.

00:57:40
Speaker 1: That was something that.

00:57:41
Speaker 3: They were doing before I joined.

00:57:43
Speaker 1: Five men. Yeah that is amazing.

00:57:46
Speaker 3: And so I'm you know, when you talk, oh, what's the hardships, like I'm I'm dealing with some extremely elevated beings. They a lot of them the men ship that you that you immediately think, oh, you're with five men. What's the problem. The way that they communicate with each other. When I'm a fly on the wall, there's no way to come into this group and not elevate yourself. Yes, and how you communicate. You can't bring toxicity into this environment because it's very healed. Everybody individual.

00:58:19
Speaker 2: She said healed me, And she said you come.

00:58:28
Speaker 3: To the office and all right, me by the office. Whatever happens happens right right. And when I get back, we're going to down to the office. You know, I can't speak for what everybody got going on in their personal life. It has come to the LL, but they come with their own set of problems too. But like we can talk to each other and that fixes everything.

00:58:58
Speaker 1: That's one of my non negotia.

00:59:01
Speaker 3: Have to be but like immediately too, not like I'm holding on to something we just had too.

00:59:07
Speaker 1: I can't.

00:59:08
Speaker 3: I'm not a rug sweeper. You can't be like that. You start to I'm an aquarium. So I'll start overthinking and attributing what you just said to your whole personality, like this is the type of person you are, because I'm ready to fall out I'm all ready to fall out with anybody all the time. And we talk and so tune today. Like I said, that is that is the person who brought me into this. I've known him since I was sixteen years old. He was letting me in the club and like, if I piss him off, if he does something, piss me off. Were on the call. As soon as we hang the zoom up, I'm like, hey, what you meant by that? Immediately and he's like, oh you you you were getting emotional to her. You gotta you gotta handle it this way, and all right, fine, yah good. Yeah, it is never any residue.

00:59:56
Speaker 1: I love that.

00:59:57
Speaker 3: And you can build a friendship like that, you can build a business like that. You can have longevity with somebody or with multiple people or whatever you do. As long as there's no residue after y'all clean up, there's always gonna be something to clean up. Yeah, But they respect and appreciate what I bring as a woman, and I respect and appreciate being able to I respect and appreciate not having a fight. Like I'm a black woman, I'm young for my role, and I'm a college dropout, Like I don't have no paper to wave in somebody's face about what I know and they don't question me about anything.

01:00:46
Speaker 1: I love that. Shout out to our five Black men and love renaissance. Yes, like, let me stop thinking.

01:00:56
Speaker 3: Shut if you listen, if you didn't want to and they do you wrong, I don't want to hear about it. Yeah, they're great business man. I stay at everybody's business, so's I understand.

01:01:14
Speaker 1: Listen and that's listen. We are being giving.

01:01:16
Speaker 2: Each other grades because I'm gonna need it too.

01:01:19
Speaker 3: So see, look you're learning.

01:01:25
Speaker 1: The progress already. Right, give myself some grace.

01:01:29
Speaker 2: But thank you Amber. This has been amazing. Seriously, you're amazing.

01:01:33
Speaker 3: You made very easy.

01:01:34
Speaker 2: No, you made it easy because, like we were talking about sometimes like it feels like an interview. This feelt like a conversation, you know, and I really appreciate that.

01:01:43
Speaker 3: I don't get to just talk to people a lot. That's why I like, that's why I hit you up, like y'all want to come talk to you? Yeah, I was like, well, come on, I don't want to see how you're doing, because, like I listen, you doing it and I like women that are doing it, so checking in, but I just want to come and talk to you because a lot of the times I don't get to just have real commerce about anything besides my work. And I've told you a bunch of the things that I shouldn't have told you and things that I haven't said out loud before. And I'm very comfortable and yeah, this is a part of my mission of detaching myself from everything. Being about work is like being able to come and have this conversation with you. Is that you've only added on to my journey and let me know I'm going the right way you are.

01:02:21
Speaker 1: I am so damn proud of you.

01:02:23
Speaker 2: I seriously you've inspired me today and I know you've inspired Donor as well.

01:02:27
Speaker 3: Listen, I want those five non negotiables. Text it to me.

01:02:32
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you a report.

01:02:33
Speaker 3: Okay, hold yourselves accountable, you know, make your I have three, it's five, max can max it out if you want, and just build y'all's process. I want to see y'all be happy to you will be more successful when you have a man the myth that they told you that you don't need one, and you stay focused, you will be more successful when you were more fulfilled. And I'm excited for you guys, you come to office.

01:02:58
Speaker 2: Were coming to that if honey, we're gonna pull up on you today. My sole's going to wrap this up so we can get on that.

01:03:07
Speaker 1: So we can get over there now.

01:03:14
Speaker 2: All right, So now we are going to do one of my favorite parts of the show. It's called positive Outcomes, where the listeners write in and we give them advice.

01:03:21
Speaker 3: Okay, so all right.

01:03:22
Speaker 1: Let's see what this one says.

01:03:23
Speaker 2: All right, it says, Hey, Crystal, I found your podcast like a week ago, and I've been binge watching all of your videos. You are really positive light and seem genuine in your faith with God. I am twenty two years old and I'm about to graduate college in May to be a civil engineer. I started taking my walk with God more seriously in my in early twenty twenty three, and I can definitely see the difference He's made in my life.

01:03:47
Speaker 1: But life do be life, and sometimes yes it does.

01:03:50
Speaker 2: And I realized it's not an easy thing saying consistent with my faith. Do you have any advice for younger people like me who are just starting their walk with Christ on how to say consistent and balance that lifestyle? There are so many young black women stepping out into the real world who don't know how to navigate being a woman of faith in a country that never wanted us to thrive. Thank you so much for just being a role model for those of us who don't have any positive role models in our families.

01:04:17
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you so much for writing in what I know. That's crazy.

01:04:24
Speaker 2: Wow, And you're why about to graduate to be a civil engineer. Congratulations. I would tell you one thing for sure is for me, I know, with trying to balance my walk with God, and I talk about this all the time in my career and trying.

01:04:43
Speaker 1: To make sure that the lifestyle is aligned can sometimes be a battle, you know. But I would tell you just to continue to focus on God. Listen to cause God talks to you.

01:04:53
Speaker 2: There's a thing called discernment that you will feel in your spirit, and that's the Holy Spirit talking to you. I would say, just listen to that and follow that. And if you feel like you're doing something wrong, something that I learned yesterday, if you have to question it, that's the answer.

01:05:07
Speaker 1: So that's what I would tell you.

01:05:10
Speaker 3: I think that when I hear the way she wrote it, that question, I think it's the wrong question, right. I don't. I don't think that she has an inconsistent relationship with her faith, like it's always here. Yeah, it's always If you're a faithful person, it's very consistent. You can have a conversation with God anywhere, at anytime. You don't have to be on your knees at all. She's trying to build a habit. She's trying to build a practice.

01:05:36
Speaker 1: That's good.

01:05:37
Speaker 3: You know, you're you're you're asking about the wrong thing. Your your consistency is not the question. Actually, you desire to be more disciplined. And so this is what I mean when I say, Okay, I have to build myself a process to get to something, because I need to know the actionable steps of what I have to do to get what I want. And she just sounds like she needs to build a habit so that she feels connected.

01:05:58
Speaker 1: Connected.

01:05:59
Speaker 3: That could be yoga, that could be meditating in the morning, so that you consistently are doing something. Yeah, but don't you don't have to question your faith because you didn't do something to me. Yeah, that's your question and your ability to build a habit.

01:06:14
Speaker 1: Question. That's so good. That's so good.

01:06:20
Speaker 2: All right, So next we're gonna do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. Okay, in this season in your life, for me, I am wow.

01:06:30
Speaker 1: I am going through one.

01:06:35
Speaker 2: We just talked about me being single, you know, and wanting love, and I'm gonna come by your office later because I'm being more intentional that after this conversation, I'm gonna make my list and I'm gonna head on over. But for me, I'm going through just not putting so much emphasis on wanting a man.

01:06:55
Speaker 1: I'm fasting right now.

01:06:56
Speaker 2: And we were talking about somebody had a little chustional last night.

01:07:00
Speaker 1: You know. After I thought of it, I was like, maybe I should wait. We're doing what it's called seek season.

01:07:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we're seeking God to like reveal some things in this season and.

01:07:11
Speaker 1: And I'm still seeking a man, but what I'm.

01:07:19
Speaker 2: I'm seeking a lot son. He's gonna keep it real, Okay, speak blowing while I'm seeking, you reveal him?

01:07:33
Speaker 1: Okay, can you do that?

01:07:35
Speaker 2: But and that just keeping the fade to know that I'm not supposed to be alone, you know, and staying not letting that anxiety creep in. I used to like be like, okay, my clock is ticking. Lord, I'm getting older, like I need like why hasn't this area of my life been fulfilled?

01:07:51
Speaker 1: And I'm just finding peace.

01:07:53
Speaker 2: And where I am right now, that's really where what I'm going through, what I'm growing through, I want that, I really do.

01:08:00
Speaker 3: I don't know going through. I think I'm just going through like another process, like I said, of like change, and I'm fine with it. Like I've been through a lot of processes and it's exciting because there's like always something incredible on the other side. But I'm not on the other side yet. I'm still actively working on this process of my purpose and making sure that I'm admitting that out into the world. But yeah, I'm going through how to commit to that, how to stay focused on and how to make the time for it. And what I'm going through is like directly connected to that, because I find that everybody can't always understand what that is or what's changed about me, you know, because I'm focusing in this way, or I can't hang out because I'm doing this and I'm kind of growing through. You know, everybody can't come. Everybody it's not supposed to come. People are great, you can find people again later. Some people shouldn't have been around at all and just kind of just growing through being okay with what I got. Yeah, Oprah only got one friend, okay, and that man and okay, okay, but she she's got one friend. And for me, I'm just like again, I'm an Aquarius. So like, if you're my person, you're my person. I can spend every day, every hour with you. And if you have the same vision as me and you see me because sometimes my I think my vision can be so big and unrealistic to somebody else that they can't see it, they don't understand. And so then somebody's looking at you like you crazy how you're going through this?

01:10:03
Speaker 2: Right?

01:10:04
Speaker 3: You imagine you imagine you telling somebody while you're styling Tyler that I'm will have my own show, and you see that for yourself. Even your closest friend might look at you and be like, okay, you can't. Well, like, don't lose this job with those bit you know whatever they whatever that fear is if they put on you. And I'm going through the process of learning how to like not let what anybody else can't achieve have anything to do with what I'm gonna do.

01:10:33
Speaker 1: Right, because people love that they do they should do so.

01:10:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got a big vision. I don't need anybody to help me see it. I have eyes.

01:10:42
Speaker 1: I love it. That's so good.

01:10:47
Speaker 2: And to close it out, we do what we call fill in the blank. Keep it blank, sweetie. And I'm gonna say for this one, keep it purpose driven, sweetie.

01:10:57
Speaker 1: It's all that I really.

01:10:58
Speaker 2: I loved how you touched on purpose and finding purpose, so that's the one I'll say today.

01:11:03
Speaker 3: I'm gonna say, keep it intentional, sweetie.

01:11:05
Speaker 1: There you go, there we have it. Amber, like you are a delight.

01:11:10
Speaker 2: Seriously, just to see how you've blossomed and grown up since I first met you. It's just beautiful to see. Thank you so much for stopping by.

01:11:18
Speaker 1: Thank you, yes, Nazan, thank you of course. Guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I know I did.

01:11:24
Speaker 2: If you want to write into our Positive Outcomes Open Listener letter, write in to keep it positive Sweety at gmail dot com and that it's sweety with an Ie. You can follow me on all platforms that love Chris Rahna and that's l u v.

01:11:36
Speaker 1: Amber. Tell the people where they can find you.

01:11:38
Speaker 3: You can find me at Ambergrimes A M B E R G R.

01:11:41
Speaker 1: I m. E. S.

01:11:42
Speaker 3: And at Amber's book Club.

01:11:44
Speaker 2: That's right, Ambers Club. Make sure you tap in. I'm gonna tap in, please, I am. I got all these books back here that Emma had posted, and I was like, I'm gonna read all these books.

01:11:54
Speaker 1: I haven't. I started reading one.

01:11:56
Speaker 3: The first step is just getting them in the house and you can see, oh they are here, yes God, they will.

01:12:04
Speaker 1: Yes, oh my god. In the meantime, in between times, you know what to do.

01:12:08
Speaker 2: Keep it positive, sweet it let you guys By