It’s Not a Relapse

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous. It's Lala Kent. Welcome to untraditionally, Lala, Hello, gorgeous, Welcome back to untraditionally, Lala. I have my rider die here Easton Birmingham.

00:00:15
Speaker 2: I'm here.

00:00:16
Speaker 1: So it is shocking how many people wrote in to be like, I'm trying to kick the vape too. Everywhere I looked, someone was like in their car vaping and I was like, oh my god, that looks so freaking good. After a meal Eastan, I would look at each other and I'm like, what I would give, What I would fucking give to just smack the shit out of that.

00:00:39
Speaker 2: I'm weird. I like eating like all stuff my face.

00:00:43
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I'll sit back, hit the vape and I'll dive back into that meal.

00:00:47
Speaker 1: Baby, Oh yeah, dive straight back and look at mom.

00:00:52
Speaker 2: I think it's nauseating.

00:00:56
Speaker 1: Tried it. I'm like Chandler, Chandler being on front when Rachel starts smoking and she's like, I actually feel like I could throw up, and he's like, but you gotta gotta push past that. It's about to get so good. And then they're talking about how discussing songing is he goes, yeah, it is the best and I'm like, I relate. I relate, and guess.

00:01:18
Speaker 2: What, I also relate because he went five years. I made it five days.

00:01:23
Speaker 1: Okay, so back to that we this is my reward. It has not gone well, Ethan. Let's talk about your moment of caving back to the wape. How many we went a week? We went a week. I went a little more than a week.

00:01:37
Speaker 3: And I'm proud of you for that. Oh my god, there's so many things just traveling back to this little old mind of what is it?

00:01:45
Speaker 2: I don't even know.

00:01:46
Speaker 3: It's like I was. I was never content. But when everybody this is the fucking thing. I hate when people are like it's hard. I know it's struggling, but you can get through it because you're sipping your mocktail or your cocktail.

00:01:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, fuck you.

00:02:00
Speaker 1: We have we have a friend who, by the way, calls us buzzed while he's smoking a cigarette, telling us that we can do it, we can give up the bape.

00:02:13
Speaker 2: I was like, if I.

00:02:14
Speaker 1: Could come through the phone and you punch you in your throat so you cannot speak anymore, I would I'd punch you with two fists. Easton's very new in his sobriety journey, and there was a moment where he was like, I'm tweaking out.

00:02:28
Speaker 2: I need some good.

00:02:30
Speaker 1: So he went and bought one. But the day that he bought it, he was like really down, you remember mom, And he had like called his sponsor and he talked.

00:02:38
Speaker 2: To him as down for good two days, three days.

00:02:41
Speaker 4: I was not you know what, I would much rather have you smoking a vabe than relaps that time.

00:02:47
Speaker 1: I just cannot deal. I cannot deal with a fifth relapse.

00:02:50
Speaker 2: No, but this is your journey.

00:02:52
Speaker 1: And I'm here to support you through the thick and the thin.

00:02:55
Speaker 2: There it is, Here's what kept me from a relapse.

00:02:58
Speaker 1: But Easton, he kept saying that like going out and buying the vape, he felt like he had relapsed.

00:03:05
Speaker 3: And I was on, I mean, I don't, I I don't I like sharing. I like was a speaker at a meeting in you know, our program. Yeah, and I told a lot of people that like that I felt like I relapsed. And I can't tell you how many people were like I felt the exact same way. Really yeah, because you know, you're it's all in the same You gave up drinking, you gave up smoking, you gave up whatever, gone another unhealthy. Yeah, you don't have advice, and now you give it up, and like you feel like you're doing these things and it's like, you know, you have pink cloud moments of like okay, I gave up the vape. Now I'm doing it, and then when you hit it, you're like everything that you just worked for feels like it went down the tube.

00:03:49
Speaker 1: And I can completely understand.

00:03:50
Speaker 2: I had to call multiple people.

00:03:52
Speaker 3: I had to call my sponsor and I was like, I feel like I relapsed, and everybody the meeting is what made me feel good. They were like, now this is you know, this is what we're this is what we're in here for, and we gave up the things that alter us and this does not alter you.

00:04:08
Speaker 1: Now. I was like, okay, that's okay, mom, come a fucking joy. It makes me need to hit the vabe.

00:04:19
Speaker 2: I know, and then she I just that's why I also feel bad. I just like it.

00:04:22
Speaker 3: I'm like, it's either a cocktail or this vape and then I hit it and Least says over there, it's.

00:04:28
Speaker 2: Like, fuck, let me live. I can't condon. I'm your mother and I don't want you. No, no, no, no, no, no, I don't.

00:04:36
Speaker 1: I don't want you to condonate. I want you to point out all the horrific things because guess what, you guys, I am going to have to give it up. Like I'm having surgery in a little over a month, Like it has to be done on top of I know what it's doing to my body. I have two little girls that I need to be around for. That's important to me. Okay, hear me out, because I know everyone's gonna think I'm insane. I got sober and it was pretty much I woke up and said I was not going to live this way anymore. And that is when the vaping started. I didn't go buy one, but I was hitting other peoples and it was happening long enough to where I in moments of stress or I would need to go out, and the people I was going out with weren't drinking. And I was very heavy in the entertainment. Like now I'm more of a homebody and now it's a full on addiction. But back then it was like We're going to can for a film festival or whatever it may be, and I'm like that is triggering. People are drinking. There's social lubricant happening. I need something. Then I get pregnant. Because someone pointed this out in the comments section, you quit for nine months and then you breastbud. Yes, I did quit for nine months with Sosa well before that, because I knew that I was having to prep my body for it, right, so I gave it up. There was something very big on the line that you can't be vaping for and then breastfeeding, and why I then go back to doing it is because it's an addiction. And I said to someone in one of my meetings, I was like, I'm gonna give it up because I can. This was a very long time ago. If I can quit drinking, I can quit vaping. And she goes, well, have you ever given up heroin? And I go no, and she goes, that's it's the equivalent. I was like, oh my god, so yes, I want to give it up. And I'm seven years into my sobriety. Easton is relatively news. We have to keep him where he is for me. Easton had a friend come over the other night. Her name's Dina, Little Dina shout out, and she brought me this little like anti vaping device which I'm going to have to implement. I'm going to San Francisco this weekend. I don't think I can be without it. I'll be the vape, just letting you know. Mom. I can see her face shift. Her energy is undeniable right now, it's suffocating. Worry about you, guys, I worry about me too. I worry about me too. After that, I come home Easton. You gotta hide that ship from me, and you can. If I say, let me have a smacky smack, which is what I do every morning, let me have a shmacky smack. You have to deny me of that. I will and after this, because even when I got pregnant, you guys, I was like, oh the moment I dropped this kid and I'm done with her on the boom, I'm fucking smacking a shit out of that stuff. Seriously, I know this round, this round, I'm telling you what it is going to be a we are giving up the vape and there is no timeline happening where you get through recovery of the boobs and you get to hit it. No, it's gone, it's done. It has to be done well.

00:07:51
Speaker 4: If my dad, your grandfather, look for fifty some odd years and give it up cold turkey with hard candies.

00:08:00
Speaker 2: I think anybody can.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: I finished a pound a pound of popcorn flavored jelly bellies in less than thirty six hours, chewing it the whole thing. It's just where. We'll do what we have to do. I may gain a little weight, which is fine. I'm trying to get a fat ass.

00:08:23
Speaker 2: I'm gonna just hit this verbe.

00:08:25
Speaker 1: The fattest of asses. I'm gonna walk in looking like moving party. B apologies, Okay, I'm gonna have like twelve boyfriends moving on. People have asked me, how's the vave going?

00:08:40
Speaker 2: It's going great?

00:08:41
Speaker 1: You know what I say, Drenda Medley. Not well, bitch, it's going well. What are you thinking? Mom?

00:08:58
Speaker 2: I know I feel like I'm just.

00:09:00
Speaker 3: Judge, judging.

00:09:02
Speaker 2: I'm not judging at all.

00:09:03
Speaker 1: I'm thirty five years old, you guys, and have to hide my vaping from my mother.

00:09:08
Speaker 2: We don't do a very good job.

00:09:10
Speaker 1: It's because I finally give up. I'm like, I can't, I'm tweaking, and she knows I'm going to Easton's black House way too much.

00:09:16
Speaker 3: I know, did we even tell that story? When I found the vape? In my bag and Mom walked into the room.

00:09:21
Speaker 1: No, but that's so funny.

00:09:23
Speaker 2: Oh, we were in it.

00:09:24
Speaker 3: We had just given it up, and it was maybe day two or three, and the attict I am.

00:09:31
Speaker 2: I was like, I'm gonna give it. I'm just gonna throw it away.

00:09:34
Speaker 3: I hit it the final time, and I thought, I'm gonna put this in my Duffel bag just in case.

00:09:38
Speaker 2: Just in case.

00:09:40
Speaker 1: Don't like vitamins, Like you don't know if you're gonna get sick on vacation, so you gotta throw the vitamins just a case too.

00:09:46
Speaker 2: So I like threw to the Duffel bag. I forgot about it.

00:09:50
Speaker 3: And then when I was in my room, I was like getting my clothes out and I see this grain thing at the bottom, and I thought, there's just no fucking way, and I grabbed it. And I'm not kidding you, standing straight up.

00:10:01
Speaker 1: Was it a freshier and oldie like?

00:10:02
Speaker 2: It was pretty freshy. It was the worst.

00:10:04
Speaker 3: And I looked at it and the what went through my mind was do I hit this and not tell anyone, or do I go find my friend?

00:10:12
Speaker 2: So we hit it together, meaning me meaning my sister.

00:10:14
Speaker 1: He wanted to bring me down with him.

00:10:17
Speaker 3: And right when I'm thinking this, I'm looking at it and Mom walks.

00:10:21
Speaker 2: In and I was like, I'm trying to pape. I just ratted myself. I was like, I didn't know what to do.

00:10:27
Speaker 4: You had a babe because I didn't have my g She didn't even care, but I just looked at her.

00:10:30
Speaker 2: I was essentially blind, like jilty, and I was.

00:10:34
Speaker 1: Like, what though, I don't know, he looks like in the headline.

00:10:38
Speaker 2: I wanted to hit the fape but knowing it wasn't right. But I A, so you did. No. I I wanted to hit it but knowing it wasn't right, And so I was like, do I ask my friend kid with hen and the cook or do I I was.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: I was like, oh no, and Lisa comes out. She goes, he hit it. I know he hit the vape and I was like, he says he did it. Mom, No, he looked guilt. I'm like, that's just contemplating, and that contemplations like that, the thoughts.

00:11:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you want to know, it's so sadenalty.

00:11:07
Speaker 3: After that happened, we threw it in the trash, I know, and then that's when the real downhill spirals.

00:11:13
Speaker 1: So you guys. It was such a struggle to not hit it that I had to put Sosa's dirty diapers on top of it in the trash outside the big daddies that get emptied by a garbage truck, just so I wouldn't hit it, and that garbage it filled diapers. And even then I was like, chlorox, I still could if I can still reach it, chlorox white, and whatever comes with it comes with it. So instead of anybody riding in wanting to shame us, my mother does enough of that for all of you. So I'd prefer to hear about your guys' struggles so we can relate and work together. But I'm getting rid of it. No, yes, you can. To people who are like I'm.

00:11:58
Speaker 2: Trying, but a cocktail night it helps me.

00:12:00
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, please, if you can drink, please, don't please. If you can, then you just make me angry.

00:12:08
Speaker 4: You just got that zero alcohol was shot.

00:12:15
Speaker 1: You started taking shots of non alcoholic beverages. Very disgusting. Didn't look good.

00:12:24
Speaker 2: It was.

00:12:25
Speaker 1: It wasn't good. It tasted the equivalent alcohol.

00:12:29
Speaker 5: It scratches the itch of just the but it's just the hand motion, sobriety. It's just its own different journey.

00:12:40
Speaker 1: So anybody who's like smoking the vape but can also like go and have a drink, it's just different. Like I can't even take night Quill without because it puts you into you know, I mean people like sip that ship on ice off medicine. There there's nothing that I can really do if I'm having anxiety or I'm struggling with depression going into a doctor and having them prescribe me something like slippery slope. So the vape is just what I turned to in a time where I was just trying to like not pick up a drink, and it was the worst move that I ever made. But then I think about the alternative, which could possibly have been drinking again. So I'm not trying to justify smoking the vape.

00:13:30
Speaker 4: It's just I'm trying to justify my sobriety, trying to explain, trying to keep the mind of yeah, like it was.

00:13:40
Speaker 1: I have only had this moment one time where I was in Puerto Rico and I was newly sober, and I was really tweaking out on the mini bar and I kept thinking no one would ever know, like I could drink right now and no one would ever know. And it got to the point where like, even after calling my sponsor, it didn't help, and she said, you have to call room service right now and have them clean out that many bar. And that's what I did, because I was going to drink and I didn't have a vape on me. In fact, my ex's dad sent an entire box of vapes from Miami to Puerto Rico because I was tweaking out so badly. So cut to when I'm in Mexico with the girls. It wasn't that intense, but we were driving into Cago, like the town where you go and you can go to little bars, and we were going on a boat and the girls had started drinking, and I was passing these like really fun Mexican restaurants and bars with these people and I'm like, oh, they're like bar hopping and that looks like so much fun. And there was a moment that I was not thinking of picking up a drink, but a thought process that I have not had. And by the time we were getting off the boat, I was like, well, I'm glad I don't drink, but that was scary for me because I haven't experience that before.

00:15:01
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, those people most most of those people in those little bars know their limits exactly right.

00:15:08
Speaker 1: That's the difference, That is the difference. But that's the alcoholic mind of like, I've beat this, I can have one, and then I have to walk myself through my rock bottom moment of once you have one, you're going to love the feeling and you're going to continue and tomorrow you're going to wake up and regret every second. And not only will you regret it, the shame is going to sink in. And you've started at your twenty four hour bitch again in the program and that I just don't want to have.

00:15:34
Speaker 4: Well, I'm proud of both of you, so you know, I know that you're vaping, but I'm proud you don't pick.

00:15:38
Speaker 1: Up a drink. I will give up the vight mom for my for my children. And this is going to sound horrible. Unfortunately that has been very hard. Even thinking like my kids need me, you know, and I should give it up for that. That hasn't worked me. Saying that it's I have to do it for myself and vanity is what I think is going to catapult me into having to give it up.

00:16:09
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you have a good reason to give it up.

00:16:11
Speaker 1: No one ever pick up the vape. If you have not picked it up, don't pick it up. It's awful, it's disgusting, and it's so good, as everyone knows. I've talked about this on vander Pump. My my ex and I don't co parent. We parallel parent. What happens at his house is none of my business. What happens at my house is none of his business. But there was something that bothered me so much over the weekend. And this is where it gets really hard when you can't have a co parenting relationship. As you know, we communicate the app. Still there's like no calls, no conversation, even though I did attempt to call this weekend. So it was a Friday, and I'm getting all of these calls from moms at school and the school saying Ocean has invited the entire or has invited a few friends to her birthday party that's happening on Saturday, and moms are expressing concern because it's like not even twenty four hours before this party is happening, and I'm confused because I'm like, well, number one, I know that this school has a policy that if this is a birthday party, or even a party in any capacity, you have to invite the entire class. You have to be inclusive, either the entire I love I love it. I have no issue with that at all. So you can either invite the whole class or it can just be girls. But you can't invite one boy unless you want to invite the entire class. So my daughter's walking around talking about this. I get a call from one of my friends and she's like, I just feel really badly because she's inviting everybody. But as you know, I mean in our group chat for the school, people are already setting out save the dates for birthdays that are happening in March and April, so people are planning ahead. There's a lot of planning involved. So I'm blowing him up. I'm blowing the nanny up. I'm like, hey, this carnival sounds amazing, Just to let you know, I don't want you catching smoke from the school. You have to invite the entire class. Well, no one responds. I have multiple people saying that they can't go, and now I'm tabbing into I'm pissed off because while this is amazing, you have given people no time, and my daughter has walked into school talking about this, inviting everybody she's going to think tomorrow at her carnival, which at this point in time she thinks is her birthday party, and no one shows up that this is a her thing, and not that her other parent just didn't send out the info in time. And I'm trying to convey this over and over again, and he's like, I think it's adorable that she invited the whole class and her teachers, And in my head, I'm like, it's not adorable. It's adorable that she did that. They have no fucking details, all right, So I'm angry. Then I get a call from Amber that Riley has one hundred and three fever and is suffering from the flu. And now I'm even more pissed because not only did you not send out invites, but you continue to have the party when my freaking child was exposed to her sister. She's now going to expose her friends, who are now going to expose everyone else. And I'm like, you have to keep her at your house. My you know, Sosa is seventeen months old. She gets this. This is a really big fucking problem. So I just continue to try my best to keep everyone in the loop. It is so hard to co parent. It is so hard to navigate just like your child's feelings. I'm I'm on edge, being like when she comes back to me, she's resilient as fuck. You know this, mom, She's gonna come back and she will have had the time of her life. She could have had one friend show up and all is good. But I just keep thinking, like, thank God that ocean is the product of the two of us, because if so so were the product of the two of us, this would be really, really bad. Just knowing personality is.

00:20:44
Speaker 3: A very delicate Yeah, this is delicate. You hurt her feelings by telling her no, or putting your finger on her, or you look at you look at her, tell her no. She looks at you and goes whatever. There's just something about words. Yeah, she listens, but you can't affect her.

00:21:03
Speaker 1: I think everyone, I think everyone has experienced a point in parenting where you explode and feel very badly about it. So I'm gonna tell a story and I don't care if anyone judges me. It was not a proud moment. I cried and prayed for many days because I felt so terrible. But Ocean does not pick up. And this has happened a really long time ago. Low are very low. All right, Ocean's playroom was a mess, and I'm trying to tell her you need to start picking up. So I pick up a toy and I stand up and turn and I just smack my head on the corner of the ceiling, and I'm like a little disoriented and now very pissed off. I yell at her. I yell at her, clean up your playroom in a very aggressive way. Okay. At the end of me saying this three times, my daughter puts up her two hands like this and goes okay, like she was so unfazed by me.

00:21:59
Speaker 3: Lauren went on a good thirty second random This is why I asked you to pick up after yourself, so there isn't a huge mess.

00:22:06
Speaker 2: I tell you and.

00:22:07
Speaker 1: Tell you, but I was very very toys.

00:22:11
Speaker 2: And Ocean sits there for five seconds and goes okay.

00:22:15
Speaker 1: Like in other words, calm the fun doesn't care.

00:22:17
Speaker 3: She's Laurence. Not only that, Lauren comes in, she has to take a minute.

00:22:25
Speaker 2: She's disoriented. She walks into her room.

00:22:27
Speaker 3: I'm just in there Ocean is doing no picking up, by the way, She's just playing some more.

00:22:32
Speaker 2: Unfaced Lauren comes back in.

00:22:33
Speaker 3: La La comes back in after what five minutes and continues to pick up the room after she had her moment. After Lauren puts the last toy away, I see Ocean go up to her and go, mom, I did it.

00:22:48
Speaker 2: Oh I would have she did it. She did it.

00:22:52
Speaker 1: I had just cleaned up the entire playroom and she looks around and goes.

00:22:56
Speaker 2: Mom, Mom, I did it. I did it.

00:22:57
Speaker 1: The vap really helped me get through it. Oh, the vape just all roads lead back to the vape. My love Easton. Thank you so much for being here and participating My loves. Thank you for listening to another episode of Untraditionally, La La. I know being a parent is rough. I am here to tell you you're doing a fucking awesome job. Let's go out there and show our kids some love, but show them who's boss. I'm gonna catch you guys on Monday and again next week.

00:23:27
Speaker 2: Bye bye,