One Belief Got Her Through Fame, Grief and Cancer | Melissa Etheridge

 20 years ago, Bono said to me,
 on Melissa, I want to induct you in the rock hall.
 I was like, get my ball, let's go, let's go, let's go.
 I had to believe in my own being.
 I had to feel like a rock and roll legend
 before anybody else is going to see it.
 Grammy winning singer, songwriter.
 Melissa Etheridge is another legendary woman of rock.
 Give it up for Melissa Etheridge!
 No, that's my dad back when it wasn't easy to believe in me.
 He did, he just showed up.
 But I remember, I was like, I really want to tell my dad this.
 I don't know if you're like, I have a secret.
 I said, I'm a homosexual.
 And he goes, is that it?
 I'm knowing that I had a family that wasn't going to disown me.
 So many kids don't have that.
 You're going to fall to the earth sometimes.
 You're going to taste the dirt.
 If you could call him today, and he would answer,
 what would you ask him, or what would you want to say?
 Then you're going to lie.
 In this podcast, we sit out with some of the world's most successful people
 who reveal a person that believed in them before the world did.
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 Can I first congratulate you because I was told right before we went on
 that you were nominated for the Rock n' Roll, all of fame.
 Thank you so much.
 But I mean, let's, for a moment, talk about the girl from Leavenworth.
 Did she dream of that?
 Oh, well, there was no such thing when she was a girl.
 When she was young, I do remember it was about 1985, I think.
 I was living in Long Beach, and I used to read Rolling Stone magazine
 just front to back every single article, everything.
 And I knew that this new thing that they were putting together
 this Rock n' Roll, all of fame.
 And that was, that was before I even got a record deal.
 And I remember thinking that's something to look forward to.
 I remember thinking, oh, it mean, it'll mean I'm old,
 but you're something like that.
 But it was, it was something that I knew would mean a lot to me.
 And it meant so much to me yesterday when I found out.
 We began the show the same way each time with a photo of the person
 who believed in you.
 Who is that?
 That's my dad.
 His name is.
 John Etheridge.
 Where does that photo, so first of all,
 describe the photo for people who are listening.
 All right.
 If you're listening, this is a photo of my father
 when he was in the Korean War.
 He is standing outside of the barracks.
 He is standing like a soldier with his arms behind him.
 At ease, he has a perfectly pressed white t-shirt on
 with his army pants.
 And he was always a very fit man.
 You're left out the word handsome.
 And he's very handsome, yeah, he really is.
 That picture triggers what memories?
 Oh, I was not born yet.
 This was, this was him before he met my mother, even.
 He grew up super poor in the, in the middle of Missouri,
 just out in the middle.
 He was a migrant farmer.
 He was a family, his family were migrant farmers.
 He came from, came, Missouri.
 Just old poor Missouri.
 And his father was a World War I veteran,
 who actually had a plate in his head
 and was very unhappy man and very, actually very abusive.
 So he came from, but he always talked about his sisters.
 He had four sisters that really took care of him.
 And so he was a, he always had big dreams,
 just of not being poor migrant farmer.
 And he went to college for two years,
 didn't know that he couldn't be drafted in college,
 got drafted, didn't know that he could have deferred.
 He went and served two years, then came back
 and finished college, and that's when he met my mom.
 Was it a teacher who helped him get into what was at college?
 Yes, he, again, extremely poor family.
 None of them had ever gone to college,
 barely an even finished high school.
 And he was on the swim team.
 And he was a really good swimmer.
 And his coach that he loved, he said his coach told him,
 hey, I can get you into a college on a sports scholarship.
 And he didn't got him into Henderson University
 in Arkansas on a sports scholarship,
 where he got a teaching credential
 and he was a teacher and a coach.
 Of all the people you could have picked,
 you picked him who believed in you.
 You know, my critical mind says,
 well, obviously, he's your dad, he believed in you.
 But why more than anybody else in your career and life?
 I really did try to think of,
 was there someone in my school?
 Was there someone?
 And every time I thought about someone who believed in me,
 back when it wasn't easy to believe in me,
 back when I was just a crazy Kansas kid with a weird dream,
 he did, and he let me believe in me.
 And every time I would think about maybe a teacher
 or someone else, my father was right there.
 So what did the belief beyond just being a parent?
 What did the belief look like?
 How did it show up for you?
 Every opportunity I had as a child to perform,
 to play the guitar, to get up in front of people,
 my father would make himself available to take me there.
 And when those opportunities became bars and clubs,
 and now I'm a 13, 14, 15 years old
 and I'm playing in bands of grown men,
 who gig on the weekend and make extra money.
 And these are musicians that didn't quite make it,
 but they like to play on the weekends.
 And I could go to those places.
 I don't even think you can go there now,
 but I could go and I could be in the band
 because my father drove me,
 because he was there to drive me to rehearsals,
 to drive me to these gigs.
 And it was an hour there and back, at least every time.
 It was in the pre-interview that you said something
 that sort of stood out to me.
 You said he genuinely liked what I did,
 didn't just support it.
 He genuinely liked it.
 Yes, he was not overly emotional.
 Or you can do it, kid.
 He just showed up.
 And I remember, they got my parents,
 they listened to great music.
 They had, it was great music in the 60s and the 70s.
 And they brought home the Janice Joplin album
 after she died, the Pearl album.
 And I would listen to that.
 And even though her music was like,
 oh, she's kind of intense, I remember me and Bobby McGee
 and I learned me and Bobby McGee
 and it was my father's favorite song.
 And he would just, whenever family would come over
 to some friends, he'd go, Missy, go play the guitar.
 Play me and Bobby McGee.
 And he loved that.
 But he didn't ever, I mean, he'd give me,
 he'd say, well, why don't you do this or something like that,
 but never like over-enthusiastic
 or uncensierly, he would always just, he just liked it.
 You mentioned Janice Joplin and me and Bobby McGee.
 What was the first song that spoke to your soul?
 What was the first memory of the first song
 that spoke to your soul?
 The Beatles, a-ha.
 Beatles 65 was the album.
 I don't know exactly the song.
 It was either I'm a loser or all the night before,
 but it was those harmonies.
 It was the way the recordings made you feel.
 My sister had gotten the album.
 I was, what, four years old, five years old listening to it.
 But I remember, I still, when I hear those old songs,
 the old Beatles songs, I still feel that way.
 Who's the first person you remember listening
 to missy sing, you sing, and being like, oh my God, wow.
 Who's the first member you have of a reaction like that?
 Probably my friends, probably my friends.
 I would, they were the ones I first started singing
 and playing, and I started writing, I started playing guitar.
 I learned three chords, then I said, that's a song.
 Three chords is a song.
 So I started writing and playing other people's stuff.
 What was the first song you wrote about?
 Oh, the first song I wrote about was about love,
 let's all love each other sort of song.
 It was folk.
 This is the middle of the folk, you know, it was 1970.
 Leavenworth Kansas.
 Leavenworth Kansas, yeah.
 But the first song that I wrote that was of meaning to me
 was after my mother's mother died, my grandmother.
 I just had a really great relationship
 with my maternal grandmother.
 And she died when I was like 11, 12.
 And I came back home and sat on my porch.
 And I felt, it was the first time I'd lost.
 The first loss in my life.
 And it hit me and I wrote a song called Lonely as a Child.
 And it was the song that I played for my friends.
 And it was the one where they were like,
 oh, it was the first positive reaction I got.
 And then they like to sing along with it.
 Did your dad encourage you to write your own music?
 He didn't discourage me, I would say.
 He would, he and I like to listen to music together.
 And he was a huge Neil Diamond fan.
 And he would have me listen to Neil Diamond songs.
 And not only was Neil Diamond a great writer,
 but he would also do great songwriter songs.
 And I remember there was a Randy Newman song
 that Neil Diamond did called,
 and I think it's going to rain today.
 And my father said, now listen,
 I mean, I just enjoyed listening to music with my dad.
 And he said, listen to that.
 Scarecrow's dressed in the latest styles.
 Pros and smiles to chase love away.
 Human kindness is overflowing.
 And I think it's going to rain today.
 He goes, that's what's called,
 and he didn't even know, metaphor, he didn't even know this.
 But he says, what he's saying isn't really what he means.
 What he really means is there being,
 it's people that are being cold.
 And he's calling him Scarecrow's.
 And this is how I learned about writing and metaphor
 and how you can make people feel something
 by singing, by making another picture of it.
 Wow.
 You've said he genuinely, well, let me go to this.
 In 1980, when you came out, right?
 He said, oh, is that it?
 Is that it?
 Just be happy.
 Yeah, right.
 And that was it.
 Yeah, he was great.
 Because my mother and I were a bit of strength,
 sometimes young women and mothers have a hard time.
 And my mother was having a hard time on her own.
 So it was more me and my dad the last few years
 of my living at home.
 And when I knew I was going to leave,
 and I had definitely was like, yes, I'm gay.
 I'm this thing, lesbian, this homosexual thing.
 That's me.
 And I was like, I really want to tell my dad this.
 I don't want to feel like I have a secret.
 I sat him down and got something to tell you, dad.
 I'm really, I've been thinking about it.
 I don't know how you, I just went on and on.
 And he's like, look at me like, oh my God, what?
 And so I finally say, and at the time, back in 1980,
 you don't, lesbian wasn't, it was just a weird word.
 So I said, I'm a homosexual.
 And he goes, is that it?
 And I was like, yeah, and he goes, oh, well, I don't understand it.
 But just be happy.
 And he always would say, be self-sufficient.
 That was his thing.
 Self-sufficient.
 It was important for me to be self-sufficient.
 When I read what your father had said to you,
 it's so resonated with me because when I came out
 at the age of 24, my father asked me to take a ride.
 And we were going down a rural highway in South Louisiana.
 And he said to me, you have 10 fingers, 10 toes,
 a good heart and a great personality.
 And if living with a man is what makes you happy,
 then I'm happy for you.
 And what I remember about that moment
 was realizing that he used the words he had at the time.
 Yeah.
 With all the good intention in his heart.
 And that was more than enough for me.
 More than enough.
 You don't have to join P flag or anything.
 You just have to go, you're happiness.
 So when your dad says what he says in the 80s,
 in the middle of America, in the heart of America,
 how did you receive that?
 Oh, I took it
 as a friend.
 And what helped me, it really helped me
 later in the 90s when I came out publicly
 because knowing that I had a family that was there for me,
 no matter what, that wasn't going to disown me,
 that's just huge.
 So many kids don't have that.
 And that I had a father who was like, well, no,
 I'm standing beside you.
 It means everything.
 It made me the person who was able to come out
 when nobody else was coming out.
 I remember thinking of my dad.
 He'll always be a hero in my eyes just for that alone,
 just for that alone.
 Did you feel that?
 Yes, that's so forward thinking for a man born in the 30s.
 And what I appreciate about you sharing that story
 is that you're also eliminating for the audience watching
 that sometimes coming out is a multi-step process
 because I too came out to my family,
 but I didn't come out publicly for several years after that.
 And people may not realize that.
 Coming out doesn't always mean worldwide.
 Just me, no, no, no.
 Because I always felt like even when I first got signed
 in 86, 87, I was playing a women's bar.
 I mean, it was obvious that I was gay.
 So there was the record company knew I was gay.
 Anybody who met me would meet my girlfriend,
 came to the bar, the women's bar was playing in,
 the lesbian bar.
 And you knew that I was gay.
 But they're back, I tell people it was don't ask, don't tell.
 You could be famous.
 No one's going to ask you if you're gay
 and you're not going to tell.
 It's just this agreement that the PR people and everybody
 had reporters, there wasn't people going, are you gay?
 They really wasn't.
 They left you alone.
 Were you OK with stifling that in order
 to achieve the dream?
 I never felt like I stifled it.
 I know that there was sort of a line I would come to in my writing
 and said, I'm not going to sing about guys.
 I'm not going to say my boyfriend, he, I'm just not going to lie
 like that.
 I'm going to be very general.
 I'm going to say, they, you, them, my love.
 I'm going to write like that.
 And I also, I told the record company, actually,
 when they signed me and they said, what
 are we going to do about this gay thing?
 And I said, well, I'm not going to walk down any red carpets
 with a boy or something.
 I'm not going to be what I'm not.
 But I'll just walk up to that line.
 And I always thought someone was going to ask me.
 I just really was like prepared.
 Because I mean, if you did a little bit of search
 and you'd find out the bar I was signed in was a lesbian.
 And it's just, but it wasn't until 93.
 I was like, you know what, my 4,000s get ready to come out.
 I'm, I just really want to be honest.
 And, and it was important.
 AIDS was a big thing that pushed all of us.
 And I had just friends who were great activists,
 Irvish Yvese, Kate Clinton, Alan Hergot, these guys
 who were in the front of the gay revolution pretty much.
 And it was important for me to come out when I did.
 Any regrets on not coming out earlier?
 Well, yeah, I mean, I don't regret it.
 I look back and go, you know, I think I could have said it all
 long, but I think it happened as it happened at the right time.
 It was very, it was a political, it was in a political situation.
 I mean, and, you know, it goes down the,
 Melissa Etherge came out at Bill Clinton's inauguration,
 which makes it sound like he was going,
 I Bill Clinton, and I'm like, wait, wait, I'm
 okay, but that wasn't, that wasn't it.
 It was at the inaugural ball that evening.
 Was there a person in your life at that time who,
 as you were saying, okay, maybe I should think about,
 was there a person who said something or did something
 that locked in for you?
 I'm a very light switch person.
 Like, I kind of go, I think, and then all of a sudden
 the switch hits and I'm like, okay, that's it.
 I'm doing it.
 Like, literally, I remember when I came out at 24,
 it was on my birthday.
 And my best friend was like, don't you want to not ruin
 your birthday?
 I was asking for a friend, right?
 And so was there someone around the time you came out
 that said something impactful that made you go?
 Okay, that's it.
 Doing it now.
 My father had already passed away.
 My father passed away when I was 30.
 And I came out when I was 33.
 And it wasn't something that someone said to me
 to inspire me to do it.
 It was actually an interview I did with a magazine
 where it was one of the first times I was on the cover.
 It was a music magazine called Music Express.
 And I had done an interview where I said,
 they, them, my partner, whatever I was saying at the time
 and they'd changed all of my pronouns to boy and him.
 And that's when I went, oh my God,
 everyone who knows I'm gay is gonna think I'm lying.
 Lying, yes.
 So I said, this is unacceptable.
 That was your red line.
 That was it.
 That was my red line.
 I always thought I was gonna come out on Arsenio Hall.
 I was actually my plan.
 But I opened my mouth at the inauguration instead.
 I was surrounded by, it was the first gay inaugural ball.
 And it was all us gays feeling like we had a part
 of electing a president to change the world for our community.
 So your dad died a few years after you came out to him.
 Yes.
 Did he ever get to see you in love with someone else?
 Oh, that's the, it's the one thing that I really wish
 is he could meet my wife that I have now.
 Because I mean, he saw, he did see,
 the relationship I had in the late 80s,
 he liked her very much.
 The one I had when he died, he wasn't exactly fond of,
 but he didn't ever make it a big deal, I just could tell.
 Linda is the wife today.
 What is it that you wish he could see about Linda?
 I know one of the things he said,
 he could tell when I was unhappy.
 And he would know, he just knew that I was at heart
 a very joyful person.
 And he would love how Linda makes me laugh every single day.
 How do you show up differently because of her?
 Oh, all the, it's funny because when we did this,
 I was either going to choose my father or Linda
 because for the past 20 years she has been someone
 who really kind of took on that role that my father did
 of just seeing me, seeing me as a person,
 as someone with talent who wants to do well.
 She is the first one I go to and say,
 this is a new song, doesn't make sense.
 Do you think people will like it?
 I trust her judgment.
 I trust, you know, I can see how she reacts
 if something, you know, that I do.
 And she's just, we were born on the same day.
 Same day same year.
 We're exactly the same age.
 For example, but here's what I'm getting at.
 My partner, Jeremy, the best thing that's ever happened to me
 makes me, he is nicer than me.
 He is more thoughtful than me.
 He is better like than me.
 But he just makes me a better person.
 So that's what I mean about Linda.
 What does she bring out in you?
 She brings a more social side and a, yeah,
 because I would, I'd probably sit home a lot if,
 and she's like, no, come on.
 And some of the best choices I've ever made
 has been because she has talked me into showing up somewhere.
 And do you do it because you're like,
 I'm gonna miss out on life
 or because you just love doing it with her.
 Oh, she makes everything better.
 I mean, she's here now.
 That's why she just makes, because after this,
 I get to talk to her about, hey, I get to go through it again
 and say, oh, this was fun.
 This was, she shares everything with me.
 It's a, it's a Gemini dream.
 We're both Gemini's.
 We, too, we are just so much fun.
 And no, she makes everything fun.
 She makes the family more fun.
 The kids lover, the, she's just, she's,
 she's more than I ever could ask for.
 Going back to your dad, you've said,
 you still miss calling him when big things happen.
 What was the last time?
 When was the last time you thought,
 damn, I wish I could call him?
 A couple days ago, when I found out about
 the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nomination first thought,
 and it's even, it's still like, oh, I gotta call that.
 It's still, that comes first and it's like, wow.
 Okay, I'll call him, you know, in my heaven right now.
 I'll send a message because he's always there with me.
 You learn that when you, when you lose people you love.
 I don't know how you feel about this,
 but for me, and this is me trying to soothe myself
 more than anything.
 I think we owe it to the people we love
 when they pass on to speak openly and loudly
 because every time we do their spirit is present.
 This is not woo-woo crap.
 Like I truly believe like his memory and spirit
 is present now as we celebrate him.
 With the years that I have now,
 I understand more about the essence of life.
 I truly believe having gone through a, a health crisis,
 having looked at death and gone, oh, realizing that,
 oh, this, this strong spirit, the solace inside of me
 does not end when I stop breathing.
 That it goes on, this is a forever.
 So this, this is eternal my, my life force.
 So I feel that easy with my father, with my loved ones.
 They're right there.
 You've said that you lost your fear of death
 as you watched him die.
 Oh, yeah.
 Yeah, he, I was there when he was dying.
 He had cancer, he was, it was liver cancer,
 which is pretty much like pancreatic cancer.
 It just happens real quick and there's not much
 anybody can do about it.
 And so we were, we were waiting around
 and he went to the hospital for the first time overnight,
 which he did not like.
 He was not a man to use a bed pan or see when he was,
 I knew he was gonna leave soon.
 And the nurse of the doctor said this,
 he'll probably in the next couple days
 or the next few hours might go.
 And so everybody, my mother, my sister, my aunt,
 they all went down to have lunch and I stayed there with him.
 And I just looked at him and he looked me in the eyes
 and I said, you know, dad, I think it's gonna be like,
 like cheesecake, it's gonna be like fishing.
 And I said, you can go, you can go.
 And you see a person's spirit leave the body.
 There was a difference between a live spirit in there
 and when it's gone.
 And then it took another hour for his body
 to actually stop and die.
 But there was a moment that I knew that his spirit
 went wherever all our spirits are connected to.
 And it gave me hope that, oh, this is not,
 this is not a, this is just not a blackness
 that we go into, we're all connected out there.
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 You talked about perspective.
 I want to show this picture.
 This is the Grammys 2006.
 2005.
 2005.
 The morning of you had had radiation
 because you were dealing with breast cancer.
 Take me back to the memories of that moment.
 Gorgeous picture of you, by the way.
 Isn't that something?
 Everyone says you have a good head for bald hair.
 Beautiful bald lady.
 Beautiful bald.
 Right.
 Yeah, I hadn't even been in front of,
 I hadn't even been in the public in four months
 when this was, let's say, October, November, December,
 January, almost five months.
 I'd gone through,
 before eight,
 a lot of chemotherapy.
 I ever get,
 I got a call a couple weeks before this,
 said where I had been nominated
 for one of my songs from my lucky album.
 And they said, we're doing a tribute to Janice Chaplin.
 Would you like to sing piece of my heart?
 And I knew piece of my heart like the back of my hand.
 I could sing that, I could sing it in my sleep.
 And I remember thinking, oh God, I'm,
 I mean, I was a wreck.
 They even the two weeks before that, I was weak.
 I was just, but I knew I had stopped the chemo,
 so I knew I had like two weeks to actually get
 a little bit of strength back.
 I'd started radiation, which you do every day.
 And I said, yeah, I'd like to do this.
 And it was, it was a tough day.
 I had to show up that morning.
 I had to do a dress rehearsal performance of it,
 which is where most of my energy went into that.
 And then I remember thinking,
 I just don't want anybody to make fun of me.
 And my guitar player,
 because of the baldness.
 Yeah, because the baldness.
 No one had, that wasn't so.
 There weren't even pink ribbons back then.
 They had just started back then.
 You didn't talk about cancer.
 If you were bald, it was sick.
 People didn't touch you sort of thing back then.
 And I remember telling the producer, I said,
 well, my head's going to be all shiny and bald, so.
 And my guitar player said, well,
 this I don't think you know what you're about to do.
 And Chris Christofferson introduced us.
 So he and I sobbed together for a minute
 after the first dress rehearsal.
 And when I walked out, the reception I got was overwhelming.
 And you could see in the joy that I,
 that there's a lot of joy in the, in this picture here.
 I probably would put that in one of my favorite photos of you.
 Oh, of the rock and roll photos,
 of the superstar photos.
 I probably would put that in one of my favorites.
 That's pretty real right there.
 That's pretty real.
 And the beauty, my friend,
 is that it is probably through that moment
 where you reach more people,
 or as many people as your best song.
 Yeah, right?
 Because you're connected with the struggle right there.
 Yeah, my, my mom called me the next day and said,
 listen, I think that was what you call like a lifetime moment.
 That was like a,
 a historical moment.
 I was like, well, thank you, mom, thank you.
 And to this day, a week doesn't go by.
 Someone doesn't talk about that.
 You mentioned in the pre-interview something
 about a heroic overdose from weed that I said in my produce.
 I was like, what the hell's a heroic overdose?
 It's, it's, it's, it's, tell me about that.
 It means I, so first of all,
 I was not a drug user in my younger days at all.
 I mean, I, I tried a little cannabis,
 I tried a little cocaine, I hated that, hated,
 I didn't even drink.
 I was really focused on my career.
 And I had seen, I mean, they're dying,
 left and right around me from drugs and stuff.
 So I'm like, okay, I think I'll make a different choice here.
 And right about the end of my thirties, about 39,
 someone actually gifted me a big ol' thing of cannabis.
 And I was like, oh, well, I don't smoke much
 but then I had a new girlfriend and it was fun.
 I was like, well, this is fun.
 It's, I'm more mature now taking it.
 And it's, it, it relaxed it, relaxed me.
 And my, my girlfriend at the time had not ever done edibles.
 I said, do you ever eat edibles?
 And I had it in the past a couple of times.
 And that was a lot of giggles and fun.
 And I said, let's do that.
 And she was a very good baker.
 And she was also a Midwestern girl who,
 if a quarter cannabis is good,
 well, a whole cup must be amazing.
 Why not?
 Right, why not?
 And so it was, I mean, many people have these stories of,
 and I had one cookie and you wait 20 minutes
 and oh, it's not, nothing's happening.
 Better have another one.
 Had another one then.
 It starts in the munchies come on.
 You're like, oh, those cookies are really good.
 And so I had a third one, which is,
 it's, it was very much of a heroic overdose.
 You can say it's, there are heroic doses
 that people take on purpose of psychedelics
 to reach corners of our collective consciousness.
 And that's what I'm saying with this.
 This was a journey, a trip that I'd never,
 I'd never been outside of my own consciousness
 in that way and observing life and getting the answers to life
 and getting so much that I was unable to bring back
 into my right, right, right, my left brain consciousness.
 When I came back, I could barely take all of it with me.
 I just knew that there was more.
 There was, and it sent me on a journey of reading,
 reading everything of philosophy and physics
 and quantum physics and it, yeah, it was,
 and it's not uncommon.
 People happens on psychedelics.
 It can happen on the yoga, meditation, just,
 there's many instances of it
 where a person really understands their true nature
 of their being.
 And it really helped me because it was right before cancer.
 And so when I sort of went into it, I was like,
 wait a minute, this is just me shedding a lot of old stuff.
 And I understood what stress is.
 And if you think badly about yourself
 and if you're stressed and scared,
 your body will eat yourself up.
 It will kill you.
 So it just made me really hyper aware of what health is
 and what a healthy mind and a healthy body is.
 You've said that stress played a role in your father's illness
 and yours.
 Yeah.
 So how do you live differently now with that realization?
 Well, I think the deepest stress I ever had
 was with my family, was the belief
 that I was bringing these children into the world.
 And I had two at the time.
 My two youngest weren't born yet.
 And I believe that it was up to me
 to teach them right and wrong and to be good people
 and I had a responsibility and you just start doing
 your best and then much like my father,
 who I have an older sister who made very different choices
 than I and was a source of great stress to my father.
 Because once again, loving, amazing person,
 but people make their own choices.
 People make their own choices
 from the beginning of their life.
 They come in with their own storylines
 with their own purposes.
 And my job as a parent is really to feed
 and water them and love them and love them
 and be an example.
 I would put everyone else first before me.
 I would, which sounds, well, that's what we're supposed to do.
 But then there wasn't anything left for me
 and I would get sick and I would constantly just make
 make myself the last one that I thought of.
 I used to eat a lot of sugar
 because sugar made me feel better
 and it was just this wheel that you can get on.
 You can mean well, but the stress just,
 the thoughts that you're thinking to yourself is,
 I say speak true, that's one of my sayings.
 I say speak true.
 It is so important that you're speaking true to yourself
 because we can really, really hurt ourselves by our thoughts.
 I feel what you're saying in the sense that my life
 has taught me that you can really manifest what you want.
 And I have learned that if I have the power to manifest
 some of the successes that I enjoy today,
 then I have the power to manifest destruction.
 Two, amen.
 We are a product of our thoughts.
 Our mindfulness is not both.
 It's not and I can show you one thing after another
 that I purposely manifested.
 And some people think it's you're,
 I'm going to do this, it's more allowing.
 Give me an example.
 Well, rock and roll hall of fame.
 I had to believe in my own being
 that I had done in this world that I had contributed
 music that has been meaningful.
 I had to feel like a rock and roll legend
 before anybody else is going to see it.
 I used to live my life waiting for other people,
 waiting for the charge to tell me that I was good,
 waiting for album sales to tell me I was good,
 waiting for the applause before I was good.
 I have to know, I'm good.
 I have to love what I do.
 Then other people see it.
 Damn, it's so many times, Melissa,
 that is misunderstood as arrogance.
 Yeah.
 When it's not, I so believe, I believe in what you're saying.
 If you are not watering this garden,
 how do you expect other people to come pick the flowers?
 Yeah, nobody's going to do it.
 Right?
 That's, people ask me all the time,
 what would you tell young people to do?
 I would say, love your music and love yourself,
 no matter what everybody else says.
 That is the only way.
 That's the only way and to walk through this life,
 it's your path.
 No one's going to feel it the way you do.
 No one's going to understand it the way you do
 and they're not supposed to.
 You mentioned the kids, how many are there?
 There's three.
 There's three.
 Now, living I had four.
 I lost my oldest son.
 Beckett.
 Yeah, about five years ago.
 How old was he?
 He was, he was turning 21 areas.
 Oh, he hates that picture.
 And how old was he there?
 He's at the age.
 He's probably 11 or 12 right there.
 And I feel like you guys look so much alike.
 Isn't that crazy?
 We, I am not biologically contributing to any of my children
 and they all have my smile, which someone told me
 that babies will learn to smile the smile
 that they look at when they're babies.
 They are mimicking your smile.
 And all my children have my smile.
 David Crosby's the dad.
 Yeah, he's, my two oldest, David Crosby was the father, yeah.
 Two oldest, okay.
 Yeah.
 So what happened to sweet Beckett?
 Oh, sweet Beckett was a being who, they're just are some
 who, they're just are some in the world
 that it is hard to be in the world.
 It is hard to, as a child, he would, someone else once said
 of him, when Beckett's happy, the whole room,
 the whole world is happy, but when Beckett's not happy,
 no one's happy.
 And his, his power, he, he should have been born 200 years ago
 and lived on the wild west and out and, and, you know,
 fought wild beasts and he, his, his energy was so intense
 that there was nothing that could hold him in this modern time.
 His, his one love was snowboarding.
 He was a monster snowboarder.
 He was training with the Aspen snowboard team.
 He was, he was 18, 17, getting ready to, to really make it.
 And he, he broke his ankle and he took a, a jump and broke
 his ankle in two places and it wrecked his foot.
 And, and he, the doctor gave him a bike and an, and he never
 got off of that.
 He went that and learned how to take, now, went on the street
 and it became heroin and a couple of years later it was fentanyl.
 You've said there's no words to express the loss of a child.
 I've heard people say it before.
 But what does that understanding mean to you?
 When you say that, what are you saying from your experience?
 There's no words.
 Well, it's a grief that you, you grieve.
 It's one thing when your parents pass, they live their life.
 And you feel like, okay, you know, maybe,
 well, I wish they had 20 more years or something,
 but to see a life cut short, you know, you, you always hope
 that they, they could have changed their choices.
 Something could have changed them and, and, and I remember
 someone once told me he's either gonna die or he's going
 to change the world, you know, he, he just, that was his energy.
 And, with our foundation, I'm trying to make his death
 actually change the world.
 So, he, yeah, how so?
 Well, after my experience with cannabis,
 I started realizing what plant medicine can do
 for the health of a person for the soul.
 Very powerful.
 Very, very powerful.
 It's psilocybin, the psychedelics that you hear,
 you hear of Ayahuasca, I began these things.
 And I had, had a couple of experiences with that.
 And I always felt like it could have helped them.
 And there are now, there are places outside of the United
 States, there's places in Mexico.
 In Europe, in Australia, that you can get treatment
 for opioid addiction, heroin with these psychedelics.
 And the results, we, we raise money for research
 because they're, they're schedule one in America,
 which means that they, there's no medical use
 and you can't ever have them and it's really horrible.
 And we want to bring this evidence to the government
 to the United States government and say,
 this can save lives.
 Let's reschedule this.
 Let's make it, let's have people understand
 what the facilitation of this is.
 And there's just a lot for us to learn.
 And so the Etheridge Foundation, you can find it
 Etheridgefoundation.org.
 You can, the money goes straight to these researching
 and the results we're getting back are amazing.
 You said that Beckett was your greatest teacher.
 Yeah, how?
 Well, he taught me that everyone has their own path
 that I cannot take guilt and shame on for a minute
 or it will kill me.
 It will, I found myself the, the devastation of losing him
 and then the public devastation of it.
 The world now knows, you know, that my son was having trouble
 and the way you feel is apparent.
 You're like, you know, I could have done,
 like what could I have done?
 I failed somehow as a parent.
 And that was about to kill me.
 And I knew that I couldn't take that on.
 I had to teach, I had to tell myself, it's okay.
 I'm okay, I did the best I could.
 I was the best I could for him.
 He made his choices.
 Everyone makes their choices.
 Yeah, but that's easier said.
 Yeah, it's easier, well.
 Sometimes you've got to live it every day.
 Sometimes, you know, sometimes the memory comes back.
 Sometimes I find myself going down a memory hole of gosh,
 if I just, yeah, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop.
 And I have to just come back and I feel, no, he's,
 he's in a loving pain, he's pain free now.
 Everything's okay.
 Let's talk about life philosophy.
 So you've said life is happening for me, from me,
 but not to you.
 What does that mean?
 You know, it, again, it runs that,
 that border of arrogance that people think
 and how we were born with, you know, pride comes before fall
 and you better do for everyone else and not for yourself.
 Sort of, sort of pure tanical way we were raised.
 When your life experience gives you the knowledge
 that, wait a minute, I'm not living my life
 so that some nebulous creature or over,
 some God is going to judge me or something is going to judge me.
 When you realize that you're judging yourself
 and the minute you allow yourself to love yourself
 and say, I want this, my choice is,
 we were choosing every day, whether we know or not,
 we were choosing, well, I'd rather have a nice cup of water
 than a hot cup of water, you know,
 these are things that bring me joy
 and the more joy you have in that life,
 the more joy you have in life.
 And it's day to day that I'm not being judged,
 I'm not, you know, we did that right or wrong,
 I don't ever get it done.
 I don't get it done because I can't get it wrong.
 Whatever choice I make, there's no wrong choices.
 You just make a choice until, you know what,
 that choice hurts or that choice is about to kill me.
 So I'm going to make a different choice.
 You can always make a different choice
 so you never get it done.
 Give me an example in your life of how that played out recently.
 Okay, let's see.
 I would say, I would say writing, writing music.
 I would say, I used to, before I really worked
 this philosophy, I used to want to write songs
 for people so that they would become hits.
 You would try to write a song, which is all about,
 you have to rely on what everybody else thinks.
 You need that outside judgment on your work.
 And the first few years when I had big hits,
 it was like, you know, there they are.
 But that was coming from me.
 Then there were a few years of, okay,
 I need to try to music's changing.
 I need to write like that or I need to do this
 or I need to do what other people want.
 And it would usually, I mean, it was fine.
 I have some great songs from the last 20 years, it was fine.
 But this album, this new album that I have,
 I sat down and went, no, this is,
 I can't get these songs wrong.
 All I have to do is love them myself.
 Want to sing them myself.
 Want to, they light me up when I sing it.
 That's all I have to do.
 It's coming from me.
 Life doesn't happen to me.
 That's not, oh, well, they didn't like it.
 So my career's over.
 No, no, I didn't like it.
 So my career's over.
 That's good.
 Okay, so let's talk about the album.
 The title is, rise.
 And so when I started listening to the music,
 rise was the first one I went to.
 And I took down the first lyrics,
 but I'm gonna put you on the spot.
 Okay, and you just sing from the beginning
 until you say, then you're gonna rise
 because this has been in my head,
 in my ear for the last seven days,
 and I love it.
 I'm gonna read it before you sing it.
 There's a raven outside my window,
 trying hard to fly against the wind.
 There's a voice deep down inside me,
 saying, let it go and let it in.
 You're gonna fall to the earth sometimes.
 You're gonna taste the dirt sometimes.
 And then you're gonna rise.
 Then you're gonna rise.
 That's another anthem song for me.
 I told you when you walked in my house,
 that in 2005, you released the song, I run for life.
 My mother had been diagnosed with breast cancer.
 And when I heard that song,
 it's something just about the way you sing.
 I was like, damn, let's just march in the streets
 to this song, right?
 And so it spoke to me, I needed it at this time.
 Rise is the same thing.
 Where did Rise come from?
 Well, Rise came from, actually came from the LA fires.
 I knew that experience I had,
 I was here when the fires broke out.
 We had to evacuate.
 It came right up to my neighborhood
 and got LA firefighters of some heroes
 if there ever was one.
 Yeah, and there was a moment when my wife and I
 who had evacuated up the coast a bit.
 It was like, okay, and the kids too,
 we all went, there's a chance our house might not be there
 when we get back, there's a chance.
 And you were in the palisades?
 We were just next, we're hidden hills.
 There was the Kenneth fire was coming the other way.
 We're like between the two fires.
 And we came to the point of, you know, we're all healthy,
 we're happy, we're okay, we've got the dog,
 we've got everybody's okay.
 If we lose our material things, it's okay.
 We'll come back again.
 And then coming back to LA, our house was fine,
 our house was okay.
 But we, I knew people that lost everything.
 I take kickboxing and my kickboxing instructor
 lost his house, his whole gym.
 He lost everything.
 And we take that, the situation, and we rise.
 We're gonna, and we're gonna fall to the earth sometimes.
 You're gonna taste the dirt sometimes.
 That's what this is about.
 It's, we're not supposed to get everything perfect here.
 We're supposed to be in the dirt and then make that choice.
 I'm gonna rise.
 I'm gonna rise back better than ever.
 Sing it for me the way you felt it when you wrote it.
 There's a raven outside my window,
 trying hard to fly against the wind.
 And there's a voice deep down inside me.
 Say and let it go, let it in.
 You're gonna fall to the earth sometimes.
 You're gonna taste the dirt sometimes.
 Then you're gonna rise.
 When I heard that I also thought about your dad,
 I know you wrote it for the fires,
 but I have to imagine the man from Leavenworth
 saying maybe not using those exact words,
 but saying the same thing.
 Oh yeah, very much so.
 He was a coach, he was the guy that was like,
 go back in there and do it.
 You can do it.
 He was the guy in his own way.
 He wasn't, again, he wasn't overly.
 You got a girl or anything like that.
 He was just, come on.
 This is what you do.
 You can do it.
 Yeah, they're all that sweet.
 Oh, this is, what is that?
 This is a plaque that is at a,
 it's a Leavenworth, I grew up in Leavenworth, Kansas,
 and it's a ball field down from our house in Leavenworth.
 There was four ball fields that I grew up playing softball
 on that my father would play softball and he had teams.
 And he also, after he was a coach at the high school,
 he became the athletic director.
 He convinced them to get a new basketball court.
 He was just the athletic guy and the city,
 the Parks and Recreation Department.
 I did a concert in the 90s and raised some money
 to help the baseball field there.
 And so they put a plaque of my dad up here.
 And he was a, from 1957 to 1990,
 he was a teacher and a coach.
 He was the basketball coach.
 He took him to a state.
 He was a swimming coach, the athletic director.
 And it's really nice that that's there.
 Yeah, that's him.
 Well, talking about him, you call yourself a dad mom.
 Yeah, what does that mean?
 I know, because my mother was an intelligent woman,
 a very, very intelligent, she was like hidden figure.
 She was the secretary that learned how to do the computer
 and ran the computers for the army base
 that's next to 11 worth, it's Fort Leavenworth.
 And she would go and she would program the whole computers
 with war games and scenarios for the army.
 And then the generals would take all the credit
 and she'd get paid half as much.
 And she was just kind of miserable woman.
 Didn't really, never really want kids, but had kids.
 And she'd, when she died, the years before, it was great.
 Here and I had a great relationship.
 So it's all good, but it was hard when I was young.
 And my father basically was the one,
 when I thought about being a parent,
 I said, well, I'm just gonna be like my dad,
 because I don't be like my mom.
 And so the mom skills were not there for me,
 but the dad skills were, the dad skills of,
 hey, you can do this, okay?
 Let's go throw the ball.
 Let's, you know, get out and do things.
 Let's, you know, just be yourself.
 That sort of thing comes from my father.
 And so I just call myself a dad, mom.
 I love that idea.
 There's girl dads, there's all kinds of things.
 I'm fair.
 You made a deal with yourself after the cancer
 that I'm not doing anything I don't love.
 Yeah.
 Right?
 How has that shaped what the career was after 2005?
 Everything, everything.
 I made, after 2005, I guess I probably made about five records,
 maybe, and all of them were deep songs that I never expected
 to be played on the radio, not many of them were,
 but they were songs that I loved playing,
 that I loved doing, that I got off my record label,
 I mean, the whole music business went through all kinds of,
 you know, it's, yeah, the stuff.
 And I just would make sure that every single thing I did,
 I loved.
 Well, I want to go to a couple of quotes that we wrote down here.
 You're quoted as saying, you once said,
 we animate our bodies, but we don't die with them.
 Yeah, I mean, just think when we lose consciousness,
 we're just a pile of, you know, blood and scan and bones,
 right, we're nothing.
 Our consciousness comes back in, we can stand up,
 we can do that, we can do everything, everything's online.
 So it's that, it's that consciousness
 that is what we call life.
 How do you animate that body today?
 Oh, I kickbox, I do yoga.
 Yoga really is an amazing practice
 that you can do at any level that is so good for you.
 Agree.
 Agree.
 Food, food is medicine.
 Water, you got to drink gallon of water every day.
 Crazy, you got to pee.
 We're supposed to pee.
 We are supposed to pee.
 We are supposed to pee.
 You're going to the bathroom a lot.
 It's a good thing.
 You're healthy.
 It's a good thing.
 These things, these basic things really keep my life
 in living and joy.
 You said earlier, they came in fully formed my children.
 I just need to feed and water them, right?
 That doesn't mean that you just sort of live in with no rules,
 right?
 But how does that perspective now frame the way
 you interact with your children?
 Oh, I've got to tell you, this is a time
 where free thought choices are so used to be,
 like I grew up in Kansas, and I wasn't bombarded with news.
 I wasn't bombarded with opinions costing all the time.
 I really got to kind of make my own opinions about life
 and people and what's good and what's not.
 And nowadays, my children from the age of 10
 were, I think, I let them have a computer at 12.
 And so they were open to every opinion in the world.
 And then they need to make it themselves.
 And when I see them coming into their own thoughts,
 like political conversations we'd have.
 And of course, our family's very left and liberal leaning,
 of course.
 But even my sons were allowing it,
 allowing their own thought and their own choices.
 Because the worst thing I could do was,
 like, no, you can't think that or no, you can't be that.
 And that's either going to crush a child
 or it's going to make them want to go way
 in the other way that you want to drive them away.
 Yes, yes.
 You've said the past, God, I love being alive.
 Right?
 Just straightforward.
 God, I love being alive.
 And on the new album, there's a song called Being Alive.
 What went into writing that?
 Well, that was, I was having conversation
 with an older woman who was a real mentor at the time,
 spiritual mentor.
 And we had actually just journeyed on Ayahuasca.
 And when you come back, you just realized
 that this life, this day-to-day breathing
 and living and creating and consciousness
 is the greatest thing in this whole universe.
 It is, I imagine another place of spirits and stuff
 that are just dying to get here so they can live and die.
 This is, yeah, this is it.
 We have free choice every minute.
 We have, we are free enough that we can choose bondage,
 that we can say, I need to be so bound that I find my way out.
 That's my, that's, we are here to have great adventures.
 Whatever they look to anyone else, it's only up to us.
 And this is a very exciting place.
 What would the 18-year-old missy think of what just came
 out of the 60-year-old Melissa Ether just now?
 Oh, I wonder.
 I always had a kind of openness.
 I had a spirituality without religion, really.
 I had played guitars in so many churches.
 I was, I was a big church goer.
 I went to Methodist Church.
 My parents took me there, which is just white bread church.
 And then, then I'd go with my best friend to her Baptist church
 and we'd sing the song.
 You know, it'd be crazy and, and, and just seeing the fire in people.
 So I wouldn't, my 18-year-old would go, huh.
 All right, let's see what happens.
 But yeah, I, I, I think I'd be okay.
 Would the 18-year-old think you were a little out there?
 Yeah. Or elevated.
 Hmm.
 A little elevated out there.
 A little elevated out there.
 What adventures have you not done that you want to do?
 Oh.
 You know, I've reached the part of my life where I've done a lot of things.
 And the joy is now
 being surprised and delighted
 by what happens next.
 I, I, I don't have any more like,
 well, I want to be a rock star.
 I want to, you know, so, I mean, right, right, you know,
 you, you reach a point, but I'm not done.
 I'm so far from being done.
 Now, I don't even know what those amazing things that are coming
 are.
 I would love to see my, my foundation really make a big difference
 in this world.
 I would love to see us, you know, bring healing and comfort
 to, to the, the world.
 Any dreams about being a grandmother?
 Well, not yet.
 I'm sure it will happen.
 But do you think about the joy that will come from that?
 Oh, yeah, I could so much joy from my family.
 My family is, I just every night go to bed so grateful
 about how much I love and how much fun I have with my family.
 You're cool enough to wear your daughter's thoughts.
 You should sing at her wedding.
 Yeah.
 So you still have cool points.
 But I could only sing once on.
 Oh, what did you say?
 Which one did you sing?
 Well, it's on the album.
 It's called More Love.
 I wrote it for her.
 Oh, yes.
 It's a song about, um, about watching another's life,
 watching your child's life and how, you know, you, you hear them
 the first real breakup they have and you're, and you're like,
 oh, honey, and you remember yours and like, really, you'll be fine.
 You know, oh, you'll be fine, but at the time, they're just,
 they're breaking, you know, they're, they're just the worst
 thing to happen to them.
 And so it's, it, the chorus is, you know, and you keep searching
 for more love and more love.
 And you finally find it in yourself.
 Yourself is the only one that can give you the love you're
 searching for.
 Did you write a song for Beckett?
 Oh, yeah, I did.
 When I wrote a song for me and Beckett, it's called Call You.
 It was the first one I wrote on this album.
 I had to really get that emotional blanket.
 I had to address it and fold it up and put it away to let
 the rest come.
 And it's just, it's, it's, since I can't call you anymore,
 I'm going to take a drive.
 I'm going to, I'm going to, I will think about you.
 I'll keep you in my heart.
 I'll, you know, whisper to the wind, you know, since I can't
 call you anymore, but I will not stop living for what I'm
 living for.
 There's also a song about wives.
 What is it?
 Looking for what, what's the song, a woman looking for a woman?
 Oh, it's a to be a woman.
 There's two songs.
 There's don't you want a woman.
 Right.
 Okay.
 I'm talking about don't you want a woman.
 Okay.
 Don't you want a woman?
 Don't you want a woman?
 Don't you, don't you want a woman?
 Don't you, don't you want a woman?
 That's not what opens.
 And so, you're so, does Linda rock your soul?
 Oh, every day, every day, every day.
 And it's just, it's, it seems now, you know, you get a lot,
 sexuality and all this stuff.
 And what is a woman?
 And what is, what's the feminine masculine, all this?
 And people just get all tied up and nots.
 And it's just, we, there's, there's these two beautiful polarities in the world and each
 of us has it inside of us at different degrees and, and it's just really clear.
 And, and the woman's part is, is, is, is, it, I mean, you, you see, it's clear, you
 know, the, the male has the, the power and the, you know, the, this, I'm making signs
 of my hands for those of you who can't see, but, you know, and that a woman is, don't
 you want a woman who's as wild as the rain, a little insane?
 And come on, don't you, a woman has, you have to have the, the female part along with
 the male part in everything that you do.
 That's what that's about.
 And I love that.
 I just remember listening to song open.
 Don't you want a woman?
 And I was like, no, I know, I know, just no fellas, fellas in my community.
 I'm talking about just that female spirit.
 I loved, I loved that, that's why I kept playing it, all right, and over and over again.
 What do you not want to do anymore in your 60s?
 I'll tell you, for example, in my 40s, I deplore small talk.
 Oh, I stay away from it.
 I don't engage in it.
 It's why I host a show called The Person Who Believed In Me for deeply human conversations
 with extraordinary humans.
 Yes.
 What are you not doing anymore?
 I don't, I don't participate in gossip that's, I, I will, I will take myself out of a conversation
 that is, is going down and either, either gossiping or talking badly about someone or someone
 talking badly about themselves.
 I can't, that hurts my soul, yeah.
 I don't drink, really.
 I don't have any, I don't find any good in alcohol.
 Uh, what else don't I do?
 Well, I have a lot of things I do do, but, uh, what do you love to do?
 What is it that sets your soul on fire?
 I love to sing.
 I love, I love, I love singing a song that thousands of people know and they're singing
 it with me.
 There is nothing on earth like that.
 All right.
 I'm going to ask you the question.
 I'm sure you hate.
 It is your favorite Melissa Atherich.
 Okay.
 And don't tell me there are many.
 Okay.
 I won't.
 I won't.
 But I will tell you there's, there's my favorite song to listen to, like a recording
 that I have, which, um, right now it's on my new album, it matches.
 I think that's one of the greatest songs I created on, uh, on record, you know, recording.
 But my favorite song to sing live is like the way I do.
 Never lets me down.
 I can play that song anywhere in the world.
 And even if they've sat through the whole concert or just observing, they will stand
 up and dance to that song.
 So like the way I do is my favorite.
 Is the stage still as electric today as it was when you were first the big celebrity?
 Yeah.
 Yeah, it is.
 More so.
 I am more present for it back in the 90s when I was playing arenas and, and stadiums.
 It was, I was, I, I, I didn't let it in.
 You, it's funny, you know, when you, there you become a bit of a blur.
 There you go.
 It's a blur.
 Yeah.
 You have your, had your own success and you know, you're like, and if you're not, if
 your relationship's not right, if, if you're hope that you're not taking it in, you're
 not your, it's just, and then next thing.
 And I knew I turned around and went, well, that was my moment.
 There it was.
 It's gone.
 And then I was like, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to be present now.
 And now every time I walk on that stage, I look and I'm like, that's right.
 They're enjoying it.
 They're enjoying it.
 And I see it.
 And I feel it.
 And I take it in.
 I take that applause in.
 Hmm.
 Do you get to, in any way, plan or help plan the rock and roll induction ceremony?
 You know what?
 I don't know.
 I would hope so.
 I hope.
 What do you want to put it together?
 Like, who would you want to come and rock out with?
 I have so many thoughts.
 20 years ago, Bono said to me, he goes, oh, I can't do his accent, but, oh, Melissa,
 I want to induct you in the rock hall.
 I was like, okay, whatever.
 You know, so I get my ball.
 Let's go.
 Let's go.
 Let's go.
 It's time.
 Right.
 Right.
 You know, I would love to have Bruce come sing with me.
 I would love to have Taylor Swift.
 Taylor Swift has said I influenced her to play the guitar.
 And, you know, I would, I just would, that would be nice.
 Beyonce, Beyonce's always been incredibly nice to me and incredibly humble with me.
 It's a real, interesting experience.
 And, but I just want whoever wants to really, whoever's like, yeah, I really want to be
 part of this with you and celebrate it.
 You signed your first album at your dad's house.
 Is that, is that the record contract?
 Yes.
 Yes.
 Yes.
 It was 1986 or seven and it takes forever to get these things done.
 And I had decided in 86, I was so wanted to do a tour, but I've been playing these same
 clubs for five years.
 I booked my own tour across America.
 I just called basically coffee houses in gay places and went, hey, can I come sing and
 for 50 bucks?
 And they're like, yeah, sure.
 And so I, I was gas money back then.
 You could get somewhere on $10 a gas.
 And I went all the way across the nation and stayed with friends and stuff and then I
 came back through my home.
 So they fed X, it was finally done.
 They fed X, the contract out there and I signed it on my kitchen table with my dad.
 It was really fun.
 You have celebrated and honored the gay community several times in this conversation.
 How much have they meant and how much have they been a part of getting you where you are
 everything, everything, the any strength and confidence you see in me comes a lot from
 the people that surrounded me.
 When I first moved to Long Beach in Los Angeles, in the 80s, incredible women's community
 down there.
 Incredible.
 Politically, I started playing it like the women's music festivals.
 These were deep feminists that knew the politics, that knew the laws, that knew the, that
 just had a long line of, like, you know, probably burned at the stake, you know, 200 years
 before that.
 But these were women who were just really, really powerful and then meeting the whole gay community
 in the late 80s and early 90s that were fighting for AIDS, you know, the AIDS awareness and
 to, you know, for our lives.
 And it really made me see that there was a lot more here than just me wanting to be famous.
 I wanted to be famous because I wanted my community to be proud of me and, and I wanted
 to help lift us up and see, look, we are, we are contributing the people that we love
 and, and it's silly to hate us for who we love.
 That's just kind of silly.
 As a member of the gay community, my heart did a happy surge when you said yes to this.
 Thank you.
 I want to be an asked.
 So I thank you.
 I have a few more than I want to talk to her.
 I mean, that, like, what a hottie you are there, what is that?
 This is my first photo shoot I ever did.
 Okay.
 This is me and my leather jacket and hair, okay.
 This hair, I, 19, this is 1980s, it's about 84.
 Okay.
 Yeah, this is, the mullet is definitely happening.
 That, you know, it was, it was all about spritz for days.
 If y'all want to listen and y'all got to go watch this on YouTube.
 Hairspray is hairspray.
 This is, I haven't changed much.
 I still wear the same necklaces and-
 What was that girl's dream?
 Oh my God.
 That girl is looking saying, just let me write songs that you want to sing.
 I want you to want to come rock and roll and move to music.
 I want to be taken seriously.
 I want to have fun.
 I want to love a lot.
 She's fun.
 I'd like to end where we began.
 Yeah.
 You say you wish you could call him.
 Oh, yeah.
 If you could call him today and he would answer,
 what would you ask him or what would you want to say?
 I'd say, Dad, I'd just spend all day talking about you.
 And I want to say, thank you.
 Thank you for everything you did.
 Every choice you made, every weekend that you just dedicated to driving me around.
 It means so much.
 Thank you for never telling me I couldn't do it.
 Thank you for just being a good human being.
 He was able to see me nominated for two Grammy Awards.
 So he got to see the success just to be getting at it,
 but he got to see it.
 So he knew he'd done well.
 Last question.
 Who do you love like or respect that you would like to suggest for this podcast?
 Oh.
 Oh, that's a great question.
 Give me a second.
 Love, like or respect.
 Yeah, that you think would appreciate the show about the person who believed in them
 and the questions that come from it.
 Wow.
 Wow.
 Um, you know, I think it would.
 Ellen DeGeneres is a deep old friend of mine.
 We've known each other before we were both famous.
 We both have been through a lot.
 She has been judged and criticized.
 And I think her looking back on some people in her life and some gratitude would be good.
 It would be a good thing.
 Melissa Atherich, thank you.
 How has been this been for you?
 This has been wonderful.
 You have the most beautiful eyes and you're a very kind person to talk to.
 Thank you.
 My hope with this show is that people see themselves either in you, the dreamer,
 or in your father, the helper, right?
 That's the takeaway from this.
 Amen.
 So thank you for helping us celebrate John Dewey Atherich.
 There he is.
 May he rest in peace.
 Thank you.
 Hi, I'm Melissa Atherich.
 And the person who most believed in me was John Dewey Atherich, my father.
 I thought you might want to know, but this podcast is at the heart of a company I found
 and called Do Good Crew.
 I've spent 25 years telling stories.
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 The everyday heroes who are doing extraordinary things.
 You can join us.
 We do live events, but we also have a newsletter.
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 You can sign up for it by going to www.TheDoGoodCrew.com.
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