Lady Miranda: Harmonizing Inclusivity and Autism in Music – Navigating Performance, Relationships, and Societal Norms with Resilience and Insight

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Today.
I have the pleasure of hosting Lady Miranda, a multi
award winnings a songwriter who excels in multiple genres. She
is dedicated to fostering a positive and inclusive music community. Additionally,
she shares her insights on autism and her personal journey
as an autistic singer. Thanks for coming on. Sure tell
me a little bit about yourself and what you're doing now.
Am a multi genre artist. I've won multiple music awards.
I write my own music, I write the lyrics. I'm
working on a new album right now, so that she'd
be coming out early next year. I'm excited about that.
Yeah, that's great. It's always nice to have new music
coming out when you're performing and recording. Do you prefer
any particular style.
I do a pretty varied amount. I tend to like
to mix genres.
Okay, all right, what's your performance schedule look like? Overall?
I didn't go on the road as much this year
because I took some time to travel through Europe. I
just got back December, maybe three weeks ago.
Okay, yeah, that's nice.
Two or three weeks ago. I'm still adjusting to being
back in this time.
So I understand that completely. I've done that many times.
Whether you performing and traveling, you're autistic. How does that
affect you when you're traveling in varied places around the world.
Yeah, everything bothers me. No, I'm sensory issues. When you're
navigating the airport, it gets really crowded, depending on whether
or not you're familiar with the airport. I can get
overwhelmed just trying to figure out where I'm at, where
I'm going. Sometimes people are helpful, sometimes they're not. But
depending on your timing, you don't always have a lot
of time to get additional help, and so that's a challenge.
Unless you need a wheelchair, they don't really meet you
at your gator at the desk would help guide you.
I always make sure that I'm there at least two
hours ahead of time, so I have time to find
where I'm supposed to go and then can settle in
from there.
I can just imagine the airport has overwhelmed me several times.
So when you're performing, how does that affect you? You
have the audience, there a lot of outside interference and
people getting ready for all that, for the show and everything.
How do you handle that?
I think before I'm gonna go on, I have to
mentally prepare myself. I probably don't socialize as much. Not
that being autistic we socialize a lot to begin with,
but I probably even more so keep to myself prior
to performing and then again afterward, just because even though
I've performed before and I'm used to doing my songs
and getting up in front of people, I still get
like that a little bit of sensory overload, and I
have to bring myself back down from that. So a
lot of times I'll leave the room and get some
air or make a bathroom trip. I have to do
things beforehand to make sure that I'm not gonna stress
out about something. I have to make sure I've eaten
and had water, because my brain will start to freak
out about the smallest things if I haven't taken care
of myself, and so it just requires additional steps to
make sure that I've done everything that I need to
do as far as my basic needs, so that when
I'm performing on not.
Thinking about that, I get that what are some of
the small things that can build up that could affect
you before the show?
Too many people trying to talk to me. I've gotten
used to it because being in the music industry, you
get used to talking to other musicians and people, but
sometimes you constantly get stopped. A lot of people don't
realize that all those little interactions take more mental space
for me. Sometimes that can give me additional anxiety because
I'm trying to be socialable, but at the same time
I need to be ready to perform. So it's really
a fine balance. It's nice when I can go somewhere
where there's a back room or something that I can
go into beforehand and be by myself where other people
can't find me. Not just non mean, because I like people,
but it can be a lot.
Sure, I understand that a lot of hustle and bustle
going on before I show. Now, do you have a
band or do you perform solo.
I'm a solo artist, so I normally perform with my tracks.
I have performed with live bands locally before. I've done
some guest performances, and I've done the live band scene
before I started working on my solo career, so I
am used to that scene as well. It's a little
bit more sensory overload for me with a live band,
but I have done it.
Okay. When you're on stage and you're doing a live thing,
you've got three or four musicians with you. What goes
through your mind. You're listening to the sound, you listen
to the band, you're trying to make sure that everything's
just right because you're trying to get your music out
there for people to hear. What goes through your mind
during that process, and how do you contain it so
you can put out the music that you know you
can do and you can be proud of.
I have to really block out a lot of things
around me, so provided that the people playing the instruments
are on key, because if they're off key, that does
something to my brain and throws me off. So it's
really important that everybody's in tune, but I have to
block out everything else. Because I love music so much,
I can listen to the music and block everything else
out to where I almost lose track that there's even
an audience. I've learned how to look to the back
of the room so that it looks like I'm looking
out at the audience, but I'm really not looking at
anything in particular except the wall maybe, and just focusing
on where the lights aren't directly hitting me in the eyes.
It does take a lot. I've had to learn a
lot of tricks over time how to block out different things.
I probably don't move around on stage as much with
a live band, just because I'm more focused on the
live music and blocking out the other distractions. It's harder
for me to multitask at that point, singing and moving
across the whole stage, so I tend to stay in
one spot a bit more with a live band. So
there's a lot of adjustments I have to make.
Yeah, that's a very very good plan, and the main
thing is it works for you. What about after the show,
You've got the fans coming up to you. They want pictures,
they want autographs. That can be very hectic as well.
It is, and I think that's why right after a performance,
I tend to take a little break and I need
to go somewhere that's more quiet, usually outside or the bath,
through them and take a few minutes to decompress. And then,
of course, after performances or shows like that, I pretty
much I don't go to a lot of after parties
if I do this for a very short period of
time and then I get to a point where I'm like,
get me out of here. I've gone to some of
the award shows where I'll go to the after party
and I'll get to the point where I'm like, Okay,
get me out of here. I will leap before anybody
even knows I'm gone, and I just disappear.
I totally get that. I've been to a lot of
after parties, and I'm with you as soon as I
can get out.
I do. I don't mean to be rude by not
saying goodbye, but I'd rather get out faster than risk
having a meltdown because I'm too overstimulated.
Yes, I totally get that completely. I'm glad you brought
that up. What do your meltdowns look like? Now you've
gone through them, you've aged with them. Do you know
they're coming Can you feel them coming on?
I can tell when they're coming on, depending on the situation.
Sometimes you can get yourself away from them, and sometimes
you can't. It really just depends as far as music
is concerned. Usually I can be like, you know what,
I gotta go and just take off, because a lot
of people don't understand what goes on behind a meltdown,
and they often take it as like I'm having some
weird overreaction and it's not really something I can control,
and so I'll start to fill this build up of anxiety.
My meltdowns usually look like me panicking. I tend to
I think sound like I'm getting a little hysterical, or
like I'm raising my voice. I cry so when I
get in full blown meltdown mode, I cry so. If
the tears are coming out, it's too late. I'm already
passed that threshold. We're not getting better from there.
I've talked with a lot of people that tell me
that most meltdowns last fifteen twenty thirty minutes. How does
yours work and how long does it take before you're
back to feeling better about yourself?
Again, I think that really depends. I know that something
that can help when you're having a meltdown is having
a supportive people around you or a supportive environment. If
people understand you're autistic and something is triggering you, having
someone help calm you down is helpful. When you don't
have that, it takes longer because you have to pool
yourself out of the meltdown enough a self soothe. It
is tricky when people talk a lot about depression and
how a lot of times people can't help themselves out
of depression. It works the same way. It's really hard
to help yourself out of a meltdown. Depending on if
you keep having triggers come at you while you're having
a meltdown, that can prolong the meltdown. So it varies
depending on the situation. If I'm able to leave once
my meltdown starts, I calm down much faster. Obviously.
Okay, that shure makes sense. How old was you when
you was diagnosed autistic?
I was actually diagnosed late in life as an adult,
which is actually very common for women. We present differently,
and since we don't present the way boys do, there's
not good criteria for diagnosing females. Right now, the criteria
is more male focused based off of the signs that
they show. There's a lot more research out now about females.
I was an adult and it was a very extranuating
testing experience.
Okay, that makes sense, and you're right about the females.
They do masks a lot more than the males. What
led you to get a diagnosis?
It was recommended to me by a group of psychologists
because even though I've been able to work in the
same area for many years, staying in one position for
longer than a year and a half to two years
has always been very difficult. Ideal of extreme boredom, so
extreme to the point where you build up a lot
of anxiety going to work. I would get so extremely
bored I'd want to cry, like physically cry. I was
also having some depth perception issues. I want to speak
to someone about it, and they asked me a lot
of questions. They asked if I would be willing to
do this lengthy questionnaire interview process. It was recommended by
a team of psychologist that I get tested or evaluated
for autism. I do have other autistic relatives. My nephew
is autistic, but he got diagnosed when he was young.
The boys again present more obvious than girls.
Sure, now, when you got your diagnosis back confirmed you
were autistic, what went through your mind?
It wasn't really surprised. I think it made a lot
of things make sense. And when I look back that
my childhood, things that I got in trouble for were
signs that I was autistic. Because I was a smart kid,
I was a gifted child. That masked the fact that
I was autism stick even more because people just assumed
I was just this really smart kid. They didn't really
factor in that there was something else going on. And
I feel like I really didn't have the childhood that
would have supported that. Back then, nobody really talked about
being autistic. Nobody really knew about how it presented in girls.
And it made a lot of things make sense. And then,
of course it meant that I had a long road
ahead of me learning how to not mask so much,
and how to be myself and how to manage all
the things that were difficult for me that I didn't
really know why before and now I do.
That makes sense. I spoke with a lady. She didn't
get diagnosed until she was in her late forties. Then
when she did the same as you, she looked back
and everything made total sense to her. Yeah, she's a musician,
such as yourself. She does a one woman show. She
told me that once she had faked get it out,
once she got it all together, that the next ten
years were the best, most productive youths she'd had. As
it turned out, it was the best thing that she
ever did by getting diagnosed, because it changed your life.
Yeah. I was diagnosed in my thirties, and in a
lot of ways it has made some areas of my
life easier to understand. I think the hard part now
is getting other people to understand, and that's always the
challenge because people have this strange misconception that I can
learn to be different, and I don't have that skill set.
I spoke with another guy over in England. He's six
foot one, two hundred and twenty five pounds, looks fit.
He says that when he tells people that he's autistic,
they don't believe him. He made a great analogy. He said,
if I told them that I had cancer, they wouldn't
question it. But yet I tell them something very personal
like this about his autism, and they still don't believe it.
Yeah, and I get that all the time. I Oh,
you don't look autistic and or you don't seem autistic,
and I'm like, what is that supposed to look like? Absolutely,
And the misconception, because there's different levels of autism and
I'm considered high functioning, the misconception is that because I'm
high functioning, that I should just be able to navigate
the world as is. High function is a misrepresentation. I'm
high functioning in some areas, sure, but in other areas
not so much.
Has it affected your relationships at all through your life?
Oh, dear God, yes very much. Relationships are very difficult
because communication for autistic people looks very different. I don't
know how to read between the lines. I'm terrible hints.
Whether it's friendships or romantic relationships or even relationship with
my family, I can't navigate them the way people want
me to. I have this joke with myself that if
you think you're a good communicator, you should talk to
an autistic person.
Yeah. Good point. Now you just brought up your family
when you did get diagnosed. What was their reaction to it?
Did they support you, did they help you? What was
the reaction when you gave them the diagnosis.
Unfortunately, and this is true for a lot of autistic people.
We don't all have very supportive families. And I've come
across a lot of autistic people who do not have
supportive families, and I fall in that category. I have
one sister who's absolutely great about it, but that's it.
And it was hard because there was a debate between
my mom and my aunt about where the autism came from.
And it was not a good debate. It was more
of that, oh, it must have come from your side.
Oh no, it had to have come from your side,
and it's you guys. I'm not broken. I don't have
a disease. I'm just wired differently. And my family at
a very difficult time accepting it. And I would go
as I would go as far as to say that
they got to a point where they acknowledged it, but
there's never been a true acceptance of it. That's really hard,
and I've had to pull away from my family for
my own well being.
Yeah, that's too bad. I really hate to hear that. Yeah,
what about friends? Have you had friends that have stuck
by you throughout your whole life or has that affected
that as well.
I've had some friends that I've had for a long
time only recognize that I'm autistic, and they don't seem
to have an issue if it the thing I think
with friends, you know, everybody, the society we live in
right now, everybody is so caught up in their own
lives that there's not a lot of communication between friends
that often anymore. And so people just always figure, oh,
if they want to talk to me, they'll reach out
to me. And that's true of most people. But what
they don't realize is that as an autistic person, it
is at least twice as hard, if not three times hard,
for us to be doing the ones reaching out all
the time. And so there'll be times where I will
go lengthy periods of time without speaking to certain friends
because I get to a point where I can't reach
out all the time anymore, and they're so caught up
in their world that they don't reach out either, and
it can be very isolating.
Yeah, that can be so true. I was talking with
a person the other day you brought it up, and
it's perfectly stated. Unfortunately, here in the US, we are
so caught up in everything that we're doing. Unless something
affects our family or us personally, it's not a crisis,
and then when it does, it is a crisis. Yeah,
some of the things that are needed, in my opinion,
is for people to understand more about the autistic community,
what their needs are, so that everybody can work together
to make the world better. So, how do you think
as a society, we can get that understanding to get
the neurotypical world to understand the neurodiverse world so that
we can make it a more inclusive world for everybody involved.
We need to change the dialogue. So there's a lot
of programs and information and therapists and research and whatnot
that are geared toward getting the autistic person to either
change their behaviors or try to change their thought process,
or try to help them fit into the neurotypical world.
And that's the problem. We don't have that skill set.
So no matter how many programs you develop or how
many therapies you develop to try to change us, we can't.
The dialog needs to change. Instead of saying, hey, neurodiverse people,
let's put you in this program so you can learn
how to do X, Y and Z, we need to say, hey,
neurotypical people, you need to learn how to communicate differently
because socially nootypical people have skill sets we don't have.
And it's not to say that typical people can't struggle
in social situations, but small example, if someone is trying
to start a friendly conversation with me, or even flirt
with me or whatever, I don't know that's happening. People
around me have to tell me, but they recognize that
it's happening, even though I'm the one that is happening
too and I don't recognize it. There's a skill set
that people who are not autistic have where they can
pick up on those little things that we can't. Rather
than let's teach you guys how to fit into the world,
we need to teach the world how to fit in
with us. How to open up these doors to make
things simpler for us. We need to have grocery stores
that have sensory hours, different things like that. The dialogue
needs to get reversed.
Absolutely. I think you're definitely spot on. Now, what's on
the horizon? You have a CD out, What do you
see in the next three to five years for you?
That's something I've really been trying to dig into I
think doing my traveling through Europe was actually very eye
opening because they look at disability very different than we
do in the States. Not necessarily in a better way,
mind you, I had a lot of struggles traveling in Europe,
but I've been trying to dig more into that because
as a musician, obviously right now, I'm trying to figure
out how can I grow my audience with my limited
social abilities because posting on social media for me, for
most musicians, that's something they do normally on a regular basis.
I struggle with that.
I get that social media can be so complex and
hard to deal with.
But I'm not any more wealthy than anyone else to
where it can afford all these promotional services. And so
that's always the challenge is how can I grow my
music and my brand without being able to post on
social media regularly? And so I feel like I've been
looking for ways to find more support within the community,
because if I can't do stuff like that, then someone
like me is going to need help to do stuff
like that.
Yeah, you have to create your own network and hopefully
get them to help you. Is tough.
I've also been looking at ways that I can get
involved in helping the workforce environment change to where it's
more inclusive of neurodiverse people.
That's a great area to help because that is so
needed for the autistic community for sure.
I've been trying to start some conversations with folks that
do stuff like that in the UK. I've been trying
to look into more programs and organizations. I'm back in
school to get my master's degree in philosophy because I
feel like part of my job is to help educate others.
That's just so good. Education, understanding and helping others is
really a good way to go.
Unfortunately, in this country you can't do that without a
master's degree. It's hard because you don't always know where
to start, and there's not always that supportive community around
you either.
Yeah, and I definitely understand what you were saying about Europe.
I've spoken with many people from around the world on
my podcast, and it's amazing how different countries look at autism,
and in some cases they don't look at it. It's
tough for a lot of people. Unfortunately. I had a
lady that just reached out to me from Bulgaria. Her
niece and her autistic son moved from Bulgaria to different
parts of Europe and then ultimately wound up in Belgium.
She sent a message to me on Instagram telling me
of her journey from Bulgaria to Belgium, the travels that
she had and the experiences she had. Was told to
me of how the European countries look at autism, and
some were night and day difference.
I can imagine. Yeah, I had quite an experience, even
going from like Finland to Poland and it was that's
not even that far between as far as countries. But
I travel with a service dog, who unfortunately is gonna
need to retire at the end of next year. But
there were airlines that wouldn't allow her on because unless
you're blind or death, they don't consider you disabled enough
to need your service dog, and they don't understand the
only reason I don't freak out navigating through the airport
is because I have her there with me. So yeah,
it was a big challenge.
Yeah, I'm sure it was. But the main thing is
that you did get through it. Man, this has been
really great. I really appreciate it coming on.
I appreciate you having me giving me the opportunity to
talk about it.
Oh, it's my pleasure. It's been a great conversation. I
really appreciate it. Thanks again, thanks for taking the time
out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today.
That you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing
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