Eric Dias: Hope, Recovery, and Finding Your Voice with Schizoaffective Disorder

Welcome to Why Not Me The World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make your laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Mantur. Welcome to Why Not Me The World?
Humanity of a Handcuffed the Silent Crisis special event. Joining
us today is Eric Diaz. He's a writer, YouTuber, comedian,
and dedicated mental health professional who recently celebrated the release
of his debut novel, I Got Sober. For This Eric's
life has been deeply shaped by his personal experiences, making
him intimately familiar with the profound struggles of addiction and
severe mental health challenges. Diagnosed with schizo effective disorder as
a teenager, he has navigated his complexity's firsthand, emerging as
a relentless and inspiring advocate for individuals with serious mental
illness and the families that support them. With his wealth
of knowledge, unique perspective and unwavering commitment to raising awareness.
He's a true asset to any conversation on these topics.
We're genuinely honored to have him join us today. Thanks
for coming on.
Well, thank you for having me.
I love doing advocacy and I love talking about my boot.
So it's win win, Yes, I love a win win. Well,
let's start with what led you to where you are now?
How did your journey begin, what path did you take,
and where did that path bring you to where you
are today.
Well, as a child, I enjoyed writing, and I kind
of somewhere along the way lost. I stopped doing it
for some reason, and then after I quit drinking, I
didn't know what to do with myself. I felt powerless.
I have a brother who was refusing medication for schizophrenia
at the time, and I felt so powerless to help him.
And I was talking to all these families in that situation,
and I was just writing. Was just it was this therapeutic,
it was I enjoyed doing it, and I felt so
powerless a writing I controlled the page completely is mine.
So it was empowering to write and tell stories.
And part of the.
Idea for the book was in twenty eighteen, there were
two inmates at the Ice Detention Center in Stuart County, Georgia.
At the Stuart Detention Center, there were two inmates with
schizophrenia that completed suicide. And I was kind of like,
hurt my interests, Like that's out in the middle of nowhere.
That's nowhere near where I live. It's nowhere near Atlanta,
it's nowhere near making And then I started doing research
and I was like, you know a lot of families
have loved ones with untreated schizophrenia, largely due to lack
of insight. But I was kind of like, what's what's
their story?
Maybe like how did.
They wind up down there from other states? They weren't
residing in Georgia when they were detained by Ice And
just telling the story of Carl Bentoncourt, the protagonist. His
life intersects with a lot of different people that they
have a common connection, but it's people that would wouldn't
otherwise know each other.
So in your book, what do you delve into Do
you touch on your brother or do you talk about
many different people? What's the scope of what you're doing.
Well, my book is, of course it's a book work
of fiction, and it's a novel it's a novel, but
it's mainly about the main.
Protagonists and just him.
He doesn't want his children, he's afraid his children might
wind up developing schizophrenia and being like some of the
clients he takes. He's a recovered alcoholic lawyer. And my
brother was a big inspiration for the for a lot
of the chapters in the book, and just stories of
people I know and stories that I've read about just
people that are powerless, Like you have people that are
marginalized that don't have a lot, and you have people
that are wealthy and they're still powerless to help their
loved ones. We kind of all were in this together.
And also writing the book was also just I like storytelling.
I used to do stand up comedy and I would
tell stories about being a movie extra, which is very
common in the Atlanta area. I was on disability for
most of my adult life for Schitzo effective disorder.
Being a movie extra.
Is a common type of employment for people on psychographic
disability around here, so it's very common. You work a
couple of days a week and it doesn't affect your
disability check and because it's under the amount, something were
lucky because not everyone has that as a tent work,
but in Georgia we're lucky to have that.
So both you and your brother have this diagnosis, then
is that correct?
Yes, and I'm not sure. I know I am schizo.
I have schizo effective disorder, and I believe I say schizophrenia,
but I'm not sure his exact diagnosis. I know early
intervention was key to my recovery. It was absolutely key.
And being paid to participate in a clinical trials study
at Emory University was vital because I did not believe
I was sick. No, I did not believe I was sick.
I knew of the absolutely certainty that there was nothing
wrong with me. I knew with absolute certainty that everything
I was saying was true. There was no there was
no if or maybe I knew. But I also had
the reality slapping me in the face and being paid
to participate in this study. And they were very nice
to me when I went down there, got me on
my medication even though I was still in psychosis. Psychosis,
in my view, is always toxic. I don't view it
as ever being good, as a disease to be treated,
not a right to be protected. But it was manageable
like I could kind of. I could go out a
little bit. I wasn't always saying things that would get
me in trouble because I wouldn't even know why people
were mad.
Okay, so how long do you think you had it
before you actually got treated.
I was under the care of a psychiatrists that we
knew because my brother is older. I was under the
care of a psychiatrists and seeing as social worker regularly.
And I believe I don't know because I was very
much out of it. I guess the best way to
describe it. I began taking medicares my senior year in
high school that our force schizophrenia, but I originally started
seeing the psychiatrist and social worker for depression. Okay, I
was having symptoms, but I was only forthcoming.
I still had a filter. It's called double booking.
I knew how bad, how bizarre the things I was
thinking sounded, so I was able to keep it to myself,
but it was still making me very depressed. I was
able to once for a short I took the medication
right off the bat. I just took it. I was
raised that when you prescribe something, you take it, but
the side effects were so bad, I dis continued it
and then for about I would say, if I guess
I don't remember everything exactly, it's hazy. But I would
say about close to a year, I was just no
medication period, just not taking my medication. And what was
so great about Emory University and the clinical trials was
that they never tried to make me admit I had
Skitzo effective disorder. It was just come in, tell us
how you're doing, and like, here's your prescription. And I
was very because I still very much believed things happened
in the past, but they weren't ongoing now in a
way that was threatening to me. It was just things
that had happened, and I still had a lot of symptoms.
But I wasn't employable at that time in my view,
But I was able to kind of go out to
a restaurant because there was a time when I couldn't
even leave my house.
I was so paranoid.
Wow. So I spoke with a guy who said he
spent a short time in jail, but it ended up
costing him nearly a decade. He struggled to figure out
what was wrong with him, Navigating the challenges of getting
in and out of the jail system searching for the
right medication. Now he's doing fine, but ultimately it took
him that whole decade to work through the maze of
it all before they finally found what worked. It doesn't
sound like you I went through anything like that, but
you did have the challenges that you had to work through.
That's partially true.
The medication was able to keep me out of the hospital,
but I still couldn't do a whole lot. So my
current medication, I believe I've been on since twenty eleven,
and then I added a medication about four years ago.
When I was on the older of medication, I kind
of had a greeving process because I couldn't do the
other stuff the other young men in their twenties were doing.
I was in a program for the cognitive symptoms of
like this memory impairment and just not being able to
I was in a program for special needis adults at Goodwill,
and I was placed at a job at Wendy's where
all I could do was make fries and clean the
lobby because my short term memory was so bad and
I was so dense that I couldn't really do anything.
Do a whole lot, and it was very lonely and isolating.
And then when I responded the medication, I was very
happy that I was able to get my ged and
go back to college.
I went toward junior college.
My church was vital in me being able to go
back to college because a man at my church who
was retired helped me get caught up. So I couldn't
at the junior college. I needed a lot of one
on one tutoring. But it would have been different if
I had been diagnosed and then as a teenager, and
then when I was twenty gone straight on the medication.
I'm all, now, do you think that because you did
not get diagnosed earlier that it affected your quality of
life at all? How do you feel about that overall?
I don't believe it did, because I believe maybe so.
I mean, it wouldn't have been better to have been
diagnosed sooner, but I believe that the medication I'm on
now wasn't on the market. If I had had that
medication I'd started taking in twenty eleven, say in two
thousand and one, it would have been a lot different.
But the whole gaining one hundred pounds on the medication.
Having the cognitive problems, being emotionally flat.
It was pretty much it was keeping me out of
the hospital. But I could survive and not thrive.
So I'm very grateful that there's newer medication out so
that if you don't respond. I don't like to say
the names of medication because I don't want to promote.
Yeah, that's fine, I get it.
But even if you don't respond to the medication I'm on,
there's a lot of newer medications out there. And the
reason I don't say what medication I'm on is I've
had friends see how well I'm doing, and the majority
of doctors want their patients to participate in their treatment.
But when people come in there and say, Eric is
my friend. Eric's doing really well in this medication, I
want to be hon it. Sure a lot of them
did not do very well on that medication.
Yeah, that makes sense.
So I'm very hesitating even though I love I mean,
everyone's body is different. Even though my body really responds
to this medication. Like I said, there's newer medicines out,
so hopefully everyone everyone will find the right medication that
works for their bodies right, or they can go out
and live a healthy, productive life.
Now, have you seen any differences or similarities between you
and your brother in your diagnosis and much of the
way that you live your lives?
Well, he he at right now because he was off
his med He was off his meds for a long time, Okay,
and he is not He's like the person you were
talking about. He missed out on a lot of stuff.
I'm currently employed and like he's, he's trying to go
back to work. But I said, I'm reluctant to talk
too much about him.
I totally understand that, and that's not a problem.
But yeah, as a right now, I'm able to do
a lot of things that he is currently not not
able to do.
I host a lot of autism podcasts. One shared a
story about his son. His son was walking down the
highway and because he was always seemed just like a
happy kid, the police assumed he was high on drugs.
They took him into custody, but after contacting the father
he explained the situation, they let him go and everything
turned out fine. Have you ever had any experiences where,
due to medications or other factors, you've had interactions with
a legal system where they just didn't understand what you
were going through.
I have not.
My brother has had a couple, but me, I honestly,
I've had My experience with the police has for me
personally has been has been mostly positive.
Oh, that's great in that I.
Was afraid to leave my house, so like I would
venture out at like two am and I go to
like ihop and steak and shake walf Wow's. I just
kind of hang out at night because there was less
people when I felt safe. And of course, like whenever
the cops would come in are always friendly and yeah,
and I'd say my personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive.
That's great to hear, especially since it's a common concern
for many people. Misunderstandings can escalate quickly when officers don't
fully grasp what someone might be going through. It's tricky
because law enforcement often has just seconds to assess a
situation and make a decision. So it's really reassuring and
awesome to know you've had no issues with that.
Well, let me tell you a story. I had an
emergency with my brother at my house. I was very
afraid to call a law enforcement and when the deputy came,
I was basically telling the nine one one operator. There's
no guns in the house. I'm only concerned for my
brother's afe and okay, And she's like I told the
I'm telling them to take the silent approach, but they
have that cock on parts a little bit up the street.
No siren didn't have his headlights on. And then when
I went to tell my brother that he was here
because my brother, some top was doing the same thing
I was doing back when I was having symptoms, going
to like the gas station and like say, waffle house
late at night.
Him and the cop already knew each other. So it
was very helpful.
It's very helpful when the cops like are part of
the community and they so it was very much like
I don't know if it would have been different if
they didn't know each other, but like they recognized each other,
and that was very helpful.
Yeah, that's really good that it turned out that well. So,
now that you've gone through everything, how long did it
take you to get stabilized? I mean, from navigating all
the different challenges you faced to finally having a job
working and selling into something like the American Dream, or
at least your version of.
It, Well took it took it happened in stages.
I went from completely refusing treatment to be just well
enough to not go to the hospital to take in
a different medication where I was able to get my
ged and it takes some classes and then I took
the medication them on now And it took a lot
of this tenacity and trial and error. But to answer
your question, a lot of it is just keep going.
Like twenty eleven, there's been a minor adjustment to my
medication four years ago, but it took. It took a
long time when your life is delayed like that, like
going to a four year college and like just giving
someone who's thirty medication and saying, hey, you're good. Now,
there's still a long road to catch up and there's
still it takes a lot of just learning. And one
thing that was vital to my recovery that I want
to talk about is I am a certified peer specialist
and the first week of the certified Peer Specialist training
was like a dal Carnegie seminar cater just for people
that have a brain disorder like schizophrenia or major depression,
and it really helped me connect because even though I'll
starting to respond to medication, my social skills had really
after feed So, like, the second week is a lot
of stuff on advocacy, but the first week was extremely
helpful just teaching me because I didn't realize how it
was coming across, and that really helped. And also it
helps my self worth because I had to study for
the test and pass the test. I'm currently working as
an employment specialist. I just starting a new job. I'm
going to help be helping people with brain disorders like
schizophrenia or bipolar's order find work, and that's something that's
very important because there's a risk of me going back
to the hospital if I get really stressed out. But
feeling worthless and not being able to participate and be
a part of society is also stressful and could also
lead to be going back to the hospital.
So it's one of those things.
Wow, you just brought up a great point. How do
you find the balance between two much stress and too
little activity where anxiety from being overwhelmed doesn't cause health
issues like ending up in the hospital, but depression from
nothing happening doesn't take over either. How do you figure
out that line so you're not tipping too far in
one direction or the other.
A lot of it. It was just trial and error.
Okay, a lot of it was trial and error.
And one thing that I was very blessed with is
I've always had stable housing, Like I've always my home,
the home I grew up in, has always been there,
so even.
If I move out.
I remember I called my mother when I was working
another job and always like I also go to a
full step program for drinking. And I called my mother
and I was like, I got to move back home.
I'm going to relapse if I keep doing this job.
I got to just go home and take a break,
and she was happy to have me. So I think
I've always had where if I don't succeed, I will
be on the street.
That was my next question was about your parents. Initially
they had to navigate your brother's difficulties with his issues.
Then sometimes you might have a few issues you have
to deal with. How did they handle that.
My father passed away in two thousand and three, and
we were very lucky in that he had a very
good job at Locke Martin. We were basically my mother
and even though she has two children that were disabled,
we're still able to keep our house and and my
mother has always been supportive. She's always been encouraging me
to do stuff. In fact, let me see if I
could find it here. The first part of my book
is actually a picture of me and my mother and
my graduation.
Nice and I have a nice tribute to my mom. Yeah,
and that's what I think is vital.
And I will say this though my church was very
vital still is very vital to my recovery, and my
supportive family is very vital to my recovery. But if
I had not been paid early on to being that
clinical trial study, it wouldn't I don't think it would
have made that much a difference because even though these
things are important, an asynosia, the lack of insight, even
if I say you could have the most loving family
in church, I know, I know people that I have
had different experiences with schizophrenic related disorders and their church
or other house of worship, I've been overwhelmingly supported and welcomed.
And that's something that has been I say, vital, and
at even in other people's churches, I've been invited.
Other people wouldn't bite me to things, not just mine.
So I feel like the faith community of Woostock has
been very, very welcoming to me.
That's really good to hear that you've been accepted that way. Now,
what about friends. I often hear that people start out
with a lot of friends, then the more they slip
into psychosis, the friendships seem to drift away. Has any
of that affected you at all?
I honestly think, you know how our word that that
was a big reason.
Not just the money.
I don't blame anyone, but I was saying things and
just the way I was acting was making people understandably
understandably so very uncomfortable. And the clinical trial program not
only paid me a small stipend, but they were really friendly.
So there was a time when I didn't have a
single friend in the whole white world, and going to
treatment was my only social interaction. And I was too
at that time, too paranoid to even leave my house.
So I feel like being that going every two weeks
for treatment was a very was something I'll look forward to.
Okay, that makes complete sense. Now, where you kind of
isolated yourself, didn't get out there at all, How did
you motivate yourself to get out there and be part
of society so that you could interact with other people?
After I was on medication. I started to on the
order of medication. I started to venture out a little
at a time. I was very lucky that I had
a brother who worked for a I think it was
a company that contracted with United Airlines, so I had
stand by tickets part of what I did. I was
very nervous about going out in public where I lived.
But I flew to California where my family, and I
was a little bit braver going out there.
Why didn't know anyone? Well, that was a nice.
Segue, going out there and socializing with my cousins and
then coming back and trying to apply what I learned.
But I was very nervous, and I did it a
little out of time.
I didn't do it all at once, and it helped when.
I started being on medication that alleviated my symptoms. But
it was it was very hard. It was very hard
in the beginning. Like I remember working at Wendy's and
it was very scary for me, very just very scary,
and even going to church. For a time, I wouldn't
even go to church because I was too too nervous,
and there were there was a long time where I
would just not go anywhere. Another problem I had is
I was so flat. I didn't really do anything for fun,
so that when I didn't really have the desire to
go out, even when I wasn't.
Paranoid, I didn't really have as much of the desire
to go out.
And because I didn't do anything for fun, it was
kind of like, what am I going to talk about
if I go out? At the time, I was watching
a lot of cable news. I mean, let's go to
talk about the news. Or sometimes I used to just
talk about my symptoms. I go talk about like kind
of Skitzell effective disorder.
Like that's how I'm going to go, And you can't.
You can't always do that. You can't just go.
I many people with other health problems don't go and
do that, And which is part of the reason I
love of creative outlets because I love this.
Talking about my art.
I love talking about like comedy or talking about my
book or having things that are more topical other than
just hey, I have Skitzez effective disorder.
Are you still active in comedy at all?
I'm taking a break. I'm taking a break.
I'm open to doing it in the future, but I
enjoy writing more and that's something that I would like
to in the future. Like I said, I like my
favorite movies or movies about the creative process, like Birdman
and movies.
Like that like black Swan.
Black Swan gave me a lot of anxiety. Is this
about a woman with anxiety? But put anything about the
creative process? So I like doing stand up about being
a movie extra. And I don't know, I could see
just doing stand up about self publishing. But right now,
my focus is writing and I'm taking a writing workshop
in late January and February. So yeah, so having a
who knows, maybe I'll do I'll write something about, like
I said, the creative process of self publishing.
Yeah, that's great. So tell us a little bit about
your book and tell us where we can get it.
Oh, well, thank you my book. I got sober for
this with the ellipses Eric E. R.
I C.
Jay Eric J.
Diaz nineteen eighty one at gmail dot com. And I
would be happy to respond to emails.
And that is.
Something that when you self publish is kind of I'm
doing everything. Yeah, like I said, I would love I
would seriously love to hear from anyone who's read my
book or has any questions.
Do you have a website or any way that people
can find you so that you want to reach out
about your book?
I think a lot of times, like with my book,
I didn't know the distribution tools available to self published authors,
and I was like, why am I writing this when
no publisher is going to want it?
Well, I don't. Publishers can't reject it if I don't
write it.
And there were a lot of times when I was
hopeless and I'm like why am I doing this?
Like nothing good is going to come of this? And
sometimes just.
Just keeping hope, keeping hope, keep keep going, keep going,
and just don't give up because a lot of times,
like when I respond to medication in my thirties, like
what's the point my life's over? Well, now that I'm
forty three thirty hearing my thirty year old self saying
that I think it's silly, like you know, and just
keep going and keep hope, keep hope alive.
Well, you never know, they just might reach out. Now.
In closing, what do you feel that people need to
hear about what you're doing?
Just keeping hope, keeping hope, keep keep going, keep going,
and just don't give up because a lot of times,
like when I respond to medication in my thirties, like
what's the point my life's over? Well, now that I'm
forty three, thirty hearing it took my thirty year old
self saying that I think it's silly, like you know,
and just keep going and keep hope alive.
Absolutely, well, this has been great, great conversation, great information.
Thanks for coming on.
Thank you so much for taking the time to interview me.
Oh it's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking
the time out of your busy schedule to listen to
our show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as
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