390 | Room Wrecks: The Moment That Tests Every Child-Centered Play Therapist (A CCPT Guide for Understanding and Handling Them)

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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we are going to talk through

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room wrecks.

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Everything

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that we absolutely love about CCPT in one episode.

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All right,

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I digress.

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So,

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we

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inevitably

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have kids that are going to wreck our rooms.

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That are going to

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swipe shelves,

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that are going to take every single thing

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down to

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the cards and pieces in your board games

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and chuck them all over God's creation.

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And it looks like a bomb went off in your playroom when they're done.

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And

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there are certain circumstances

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in which parents end up seeing it.

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So,

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based on the configuration of your office,

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based on where the lobby is in relation to your playroom,

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based on,

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there's just different things that can

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End up in

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parent seeing your playroom.

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Now,

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sound is a whole other issue related but separate

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because sometimes parents hear the room wreck,

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even if they don't see it.

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They hear

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crashes and

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booms and things sounding like they're breaking and things hitting walls.

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And

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so sometimes

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they experience a room wreck without necessarily seeing the evidence of it,

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and they're going to ask questions about what they heard,

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but especially if they hear it.

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It can cause a lot of issues,

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and I want to talk through that.

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And so not only do we

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have to safeguard

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kids from parents'

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awareness of it,

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sight of it,

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and comments therein.

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But also how we're going to explain

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room wrecks to parents,

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articulation of why it's necessary,

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so on and so forth.

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So,

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whole episode on all things room wreck,

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specifically related to parents

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and maybe a little bit for ourselves because

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Ain't nobody got time for that.

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Let me tell you.

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There's,

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there is not one of us

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that's like,

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you know,

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it just doesn't bother me at all when someone room wrecks.

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You,

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you,

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you can't help

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but go,

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oh my word,

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are you serious?

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I have to clean all that up.

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Oh my gosh,

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I'm gonna have 10 minutes to try to take care of that entire thing,

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and you just can't.

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So,

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there's,

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there's a small part of us,

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as accepting as we are,

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as unconditional as we can be,

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there's always a part of us that even

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Deep inside it's like,

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oh no,

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even if it doesn't cause any kind of fracture,

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any kind of resentment,

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we might be totally OK with it.

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But there's still a little bit that's always like,

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oh my gosh,

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please stop.

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So,

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I want to just make sure that we have a handle on room wrecks because

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you choose to be CCPT or

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sometimes when CCPT chooses you,

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you don't have a say.

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I actually had a therapist

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that

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was in the

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forum in the Collective a while back posting about a kid that room wrecks

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and

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made the comment.

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I just,

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I can't

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tolerate room wrecks.

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And I

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hopefully,

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gently and lovingly,

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I,

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I don't know how it came off.

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You can't read tone in text,

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so

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it,

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it might not have come off as lovingly as gently as I meant it,

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but

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There's also accountability and confrontation that's required.

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So

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it may be a balance of both sides of that.

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But I basically,

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I'm paraphrasing,

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but I basically said you don't get the luxury of

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saying that you can't tolerate room wreck as a CCPT.

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If you can't tolerate room wrecks,

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then you can't be CCPT.

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It's just that simple.

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I'm not saying you have to like them because we don't.

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I'm not saying you have to

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be filled with glee as a kid is literally ruining every single thing in your room

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and all the time that you spent making sure that every miniature was facing forward,

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and they're all lined up exactly where you would like them to be and they're.

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According to their purpose,

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and all of your

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shelves are,

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I,

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I know y'all.

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I,

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not all of you are like that,

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but some of you are,

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and you're nodding your head right now because that is you.

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I'm talking directly to you.

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Yes,

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I am.

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So y'all

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that made every single thing in your playroom.

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Square and plumb

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and organized and structured and just delightful aesthetically to look at.

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And then a kid comes in and every single thing in your room ends up on the floor

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in a topsy-turvy heap.

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There is nothing about that that is pleasant.

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But choosing to be CCPT.

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And embodying the principles of CCPT.

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Being CCPT.

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It comes with the territory

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that you're going to have to deal with room wrecks.

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And you don't have the ability

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to resent it.

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You don't have the ability to lament it.

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You don't have the ability to say,

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I can't tolerate this.

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You have to.

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So,

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let's dive in,

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now that you've had your

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pep talk

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to

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to get us ready for this lovely topic.

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All right.

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Why does a kid room wreck?

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#the why matters.

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Why?

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Why does a child come in and room wreck?

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There's always always a reason.

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And oh my word,

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here,

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this is probably not loving and gentle.

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Don't you dare.

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Not loving and gentle at all.

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Don't you dare.

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Assume

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That a child is being manipulative,

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that a child is trying to irritate you,

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that a child

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knows what they're doing,

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and they're just purposefully.

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That's what all the other adults in that kid's life says.

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You're not going to be the one that says that.

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So we are not pathologizing,

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we are not accusing,

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we are not blaming,

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that there is none of that.

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The why

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is

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subconscious,

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the why is deep.

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Is the child testing boundaries?

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Is the child testing relationship.

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Is the child resisting

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you or therapy or the work that they need to do?

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Is the child attention seeking?

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Is the child power and control hungry?

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Is the child an anxious wreck,

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and they are just coming untethered

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because of how overwhelming this process is,

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and they need to show you

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how big their feelings are.

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The why matters always.

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We don't always know it.

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We can't in a moment as a kid is trashing our room.

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We can't necessarily pinpoint,

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oh,

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I suspect that this is because of such and such.

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Sometimes we can.

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We don't need to know,

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but we need to think about it and consider.

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Because

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what that does for us

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is instead of going,

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oh my gosh,

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this kid just purposefully blah blah blah.

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We shift from that to,

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this is therapeutically necessary.

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There's value in this

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There's,

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there's a why.

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There's something going on here.

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This is actually a positive thing.

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This kid needs to do this.

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This will be a means to an end.

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You reframe it,

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you shift your thinking from the negative to the positive,

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and you see it in light of what it is,

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which is progress.

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Not every kid has to room wreck.

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So you can have progress without a room wreck

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on certain cases,

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but certain cases,

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a room wreck is

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the path through which the child starts to heal.

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So we have to be careful with the way that we

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receive it,

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and we always are considering the why.

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Here's another factor

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We set limits when needed.

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But

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room wrecking is not a necessary limit.

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Let me say that again,

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cause some of you,

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your mouths are on the floor right now.

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So,

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pick your jaw back up.

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Sometimes we need to set limits on certain behaviors.

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Because

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they're needed when they're needed.

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But

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A room wreck is not a necessary limit.

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Why?

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Because

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if you're safe,

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if the child's safe and things aren't getting broken.

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We're not meeting criteria for a limit.

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We have to build tolerance and acceptance.

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And

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contentment.

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When kids come in

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and throw things around the room.

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It's something that gets easier with time,

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I would say.

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The first few times a kid wrecked my room,

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I think I was a little more unnerved than I ever get now.

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But all the while,

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you recognize it for what it is,

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it's needed work.

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So,

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we're not going to set a limit on a room wreck.

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Now,

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I have said in other episodes,

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if a kid trashes your room.

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Like 5 times in a row.

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You can set a limit on.

284
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:34,260
Them cleaning up with you.

285
00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:36,099
So

286
00:09:37,039 --> 00:09:39,580
You really like to throw everything on the floor.

287
00:09:41,159 --> 00:09:44,419
But then I don't have time to get ready for my next kid to play with.

288
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,760
So if you choose to put things on the floor without using them or playing with them,

289
00:09:49,239 --> 00:09:51,679
you choose to help me clean up at the end of the session.

290
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,440
Very small limit,

291
00:09:54,559 --> 00:09:55,359
very subtle limit.

292
00:09:55,479 --> 00:09:57,299
Notice we're not setting a limit on

293
00:09:57,799 --> 00:09:59,679
the toys are not for throwing on the ground.

294
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:02,460
It's,

295
00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:04,059
you choose to help me clean up.

296
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,140
That is only if you have many,

297
00:10:07,260 --> 00:10:07,479
many,

298
00:10:07,580 --> 00:10:08,880
many weeks in a row

299
00:10:09,179 --> 00:10:10,659
of a child room wrecking.

300
00:10:13,039 --> 00:10:16,929
And it's for the flow and preservation of your schedule.

301
00:10:18,039 --> 00:10:20,580
It's not about you don't want the kid to

302
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:21,919
throw stuff all over your room.

303
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:22,940
It's,

304
00:10:22,989 --> 00:10:23,739
I can't have.

305
00:10:23,830 --> 00:10:24,309
So if you,

306
00:10:24,469 --> 00:10:27,309
if your room wrecker is at 2 o'clock.

307
00:10:28,450 --> 00:10:29,750
You're 3 o'clock.

308
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:33,590
5 weeks in a row comes in to.

309
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:35,909
Uh,

310
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:37,890
how do you even describe,

311
00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:38,409
uh,

312
00:10:38,750 --> 00:10:40,289
sort of cleaned up room wreck?

313
00:10:40,429 --> 00:10:40,700
Um,

314
00:10:40,869 --> 00:10:44,150
a marginally prepared for that kid playroom,

315
00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:44,849
like

316
00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,349
stuff shoved in the corner,

317
00:10:46,469 --> 00:10:47,989
stuff in piles against the wall,

318
00:10:48,070 --> 00:10:49,619
like hardly anything on the shelves,

319
00:10:49,669 --> 00:10:51,159
only a few things have been put back.

320
00:10:51,260 --> 00:10:51,570
Like,

321
00:10:52,190 --> 00:10:52,590
you,

322
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:56,690
you are now doing a disservice and it's detrimental to the 3 o'clock kid.

323
00:10:57,510 --> 00:10:58,500
5 weeks in a row.

324
00:10:58,729 --> 00:10:59,549
Couple weeks,

325
00:10:59,710 --> 00:11:00,450
you can just say,

326
00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:00,869
oh,

327
00:11:00,950 --> 00:11:01,989
I didn't have time to clean up.

328
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,270
There were so many toys out,

329
00:11:03,390 --> 00:11:04,299
so I,

330
00:11:04,390 --> 00:11:05,669
I didn't have time to clean up.

331
00:11:06,010 --> 00:11:06,289
Well,

332
00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:08,669
you don't want that to be that 3 o'clock's

333
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,929
reality week after week after week after week.

334
00:11:12,369 --> 00:11:13,159
So

335
00:11:13,650 --> 00:11:14,469
you would set

336
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,070
an if then limit

337
00:11:16,530 --> 00:11:17,229
on that behavior.

338
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:19,049
OK,

339
00:11:19,169 --> 00:11:20,510
let's talk about something else.

340
00:11:21,210 --> 00:11:23,270
If a parent were to ever see.

341
00:11:23,979 --> 00:11:24,919
A room wreck

342
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:29,419
You try as much as humanly possible to prevent that,

343
00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:30,080
by the way.

344
00:11:30,909 --> 00:11:35,760
You do not want a parent to get a glimpse into a room that looks absolutely destroyed.

345
00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,369
Now we know it's not destroyed,

346
00:11:38,659 --> 00:11:39,840
but a parent doesn't know that.

347
00:11:40,719 --> 00:11:42,190
A parent gets embarrassed,

348
00:11:42,530 --> 00:11:43,859
they get defensive,

349
00:11:44,210 --> 00:11:45,890
they go into discipline mode,

350
00:11:45,950 --> 00:11:47,409
they go into correction mode.

351
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:48,830
They go into teach a lesson mode.

352
00:11:49,130 --> 00:11:50,549
They go into questioning mode.

353
00:11:50,849 --> 00:11:50,989
It,

354
00:11:51,010 --> 00:11:53,849
it puts them all up in their heads and they just

355
00:11:53,849 --> 00:11:55,969
need answers and they want to do something about it.

356
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,960
And none of that is CCPT aligned.

357
00:12:00,650 --> 00:12:02,390
None of that is relationship preserving.

358
00:12:03,710 --> 00:12:04,369
So,

359
00:12:04,869 --> 00:12:06,369
as much as you can,

360
00:12:06,729 --> 00:12:09,130
try to make sure that a parent does not ever see.

361
00:12:09,799 --> 00:12:11,179
A very messy room

362
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:12,500
if they do.

363
00:12:13,869 --> 00:12:16,210
You stop them before it even begins.

364
00:12:16,969 --> 00:12:16,979
Because

365
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,969
as soon as they see it,

366
00:12:19,489 --> 00:12:21,330
they're going to have an immediate reaction.

367
00:12:22,169 --> 00:12:23,450
They're going to gasp,

368
00:12:23,890 --> 00:12:26,150
they're going to put their hand over their face.

369
00:12:26,369 --> 00:12:26,809
They're gonna say,

370
00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:27,719
oh my gosh,

371
00:12:27,890 --> 00:12:28,640
they're going to start,

372
00:12:28,729 --> 00:12:29,940
what did you do?

373
00:12:30,530 --> 00:12:34,390
Whatever the reaction that immediately wants to erupt.

374
00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,140
You're going to shut it down instantaneously.

375
00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:42,169
Because what we're doing

376
00:12:42,789 --> 00:12:44,150
is we are implying.

377
00:12:45,229 --> 00:12:46,619
This is normal.

378
00:12:46,789 --> 00:12:48,030
This is appropriate,

379
00:12:48,469 --> 00:12:51,510
and we're reassuring the parent that they do not need to be concerned.

380
00:12:52,770 --> 00:12:53,750
We're also

381
00:12:53,969 --> 00:12:56,729
not ever going to talk about a child in front of a child.

382
00:12:57,169 --> 00:13:00,489
We're not going to address a child's behavior with the parent.

383
00:13:01,580 --> 00:13:02,500
In front of the child

384
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:05,520
And parents are want to do it.

385
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:07,239
So

386
00:13:07,909 --> 00:13:08,150
Why,

387
00:13:08,260 --> 00:13:09,830
why didn't you tell them they couldn't do that?

388
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:10,309
Oh my,

389
00:13:10,429 --> 00:13:10,510
well,

390
00:13:10,549 --> 00:13:12,109
they're gonna have to stay and help you clean up.

391
00:13:12,270 --> 00:13:12,309
Well,

392
00:13:12,390 --> 00:13:12,539
I mean,

393
00:13:12,590 --> 00:13:14,010
I'll come in and help pick it up.

394
00:13:14,750 --> 00:13:15,609
The stuff that

395
00:13:15,830 --> 00:13:17,520
they suggest as solutions.

396
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:18,950
It's laughable,

397
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:19,559
really,

398
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:20,229
but

399
00:13:20,599 --> 00:13:22,799
we're preserving relationship at all costs.

400
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:26,229
The relationship we have with that child,

401
00:13:26,479 --> 00:13:26,960
the

402
00:13:27,729 --> 00:13:30,369
Environment we've created where they have permission,

403
00:13:30,570 --> 00:13:31,369
where they have freedom,

404
00:13:31,450 --> 00:13:32,640
where they have autonomy,

405
00:13:32,929 --> 00:13:34,270
where they get to be in charge.

406
00:13:35,099 --> 00:13:36,200
Giving a child

407
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:38,729
control and saying you get to be in charge,

408
00:13:38,979 --> 00:13:40,010
guess what comes with that,

409
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:40,599
y'all.

410
00:13:41,849 --> 00:13:46,479
Their luxury of room wrecking if they choose and need to do so.

411
00:13:47,770 --> 00:13:50,719
If we didn't want our kids to be in charge,

412
00:13:51,010 --> 00:13:52,469
we would give them worksheets,

413
00:13:52,770 --> 00:13:54,280
we would give them directives,

414
00:13:54,609 --> 00:13:57,270
we would tell them to do deep breathing exercises,

415
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,849
we would make feelings wheels with them.

416
00:14:00,989 --> 00:14:04,630
When we say you get to decide what we do and you're in charge and you can

417
00:14:04,630 --> 00:14:07,119
choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want to.

418
00:14:09,380 --> 00:14:11,080
When they choose or need

419
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:12,219
to room wreck,

420
00:14:12,859 --> 00:14:14,059
that's part of the deal.

421
00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,340
Our response

422
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:19,479
to a parent.

423
00:14:20,799 --> 00:14:24,340
is going to give the parent cues as to what their response should be.

424
00:14:25,599 --> 00:14:26,599
So if we sigh,

425
00:14:26,679 --> 00:14:27,679
if we roll our eyes,

426
00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:28,380
if we go,

427
00:14:29,130 --> 00:14:29,650
Yeah

428
00:14:31,849 --> 00:14:34,630
That communicates that we're not OK with it either.

429
00:14:36,289 --> 00:14:37,809
And that breeds.

430
00:14:38,650 --> 00:14:39,409
Issues

431
00:14:40,390 --> 00:14:41,690
So our neutrality,

432
00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,830
our acceptance,

433
00:14:43,030 --> 00:14:43,729
our smile,

434
00:14:44,010 --> 00:14:44,809
our tone of voice,

435
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:45,469
all of it.

436
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:46,919
Yeah,

437
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:49,479
we had a lot of stuff going on in there today.

438
00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:51,539
We played with a lot of things today.

439
00:14:53,030 --> 00:14:54,080
That's the response.

440
00:14:55,510 --> 00:14:57,559
And you shut down any judgment,

441
00:14:57,669 --> 00:14:58,479
any criticism,

442
00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:00,239
any confusion from the parent.

443
00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:02,479
Oh my gosh.

444
00:15:02,659 --> 00:15:02,919
Oh,

445
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,719
we played with a lot of things today.

446
00:15:05,179 --> 00:15:06,200
That's how it goes.

447
00:15:07,809 --> 00:15:08,989
We're making it clear

448
00:15:09,450 --> 00:15:10,369
I'm not reacting.

449
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:11,390
You shouldn't either.

450
00:15:13,419 --> 00:15:15,690
And be very thoughtful

451
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,340
about the things that you say to a parent,

452
00:15:18,750 --> 00:15:20,239
the words that you use.

453
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:25,070
Because I've said them on this podcast because you all are clinicians

454
00:15:25,409 --> 00:15:25,869
and

455
00:15:26,250 --> 00:15:28,729
we know how much it sucks to have a kid come in and room wreck,

456
00:15:28,770 --> 00:15:29,049
OK?

457
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:29,510
So,

458
00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,669
amongst our circles with

459
00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:33,390
CCPTs,

460
00:15:33,729 --> 00:15:34,630
you can say,

461
00:15:35,280 --> 00:15:36,599
The kid destroyed my room.

462
00:15:36,679 --> 00:15:37,859
The kid trashed my room.

463
00:15:37,989 --> 00:15:39,239
It was a disaster.

464
00:15:39,549 --> 00:15:39,799
OK,

465
00:15:39,919 --> 00:15:40,619
those are

466
00:15:41,159 --> 00:15:44,140
understandable terms because we all know what it's like.

467
00:15:44,359 --> 00:15:46,119
We would never say that stuff to a parent.

468
00:15:48,070 --> 00:15:49,030
And here's what happens.

469
00:15:49,109 --> 00:15:49,890
We go out

470
00:15:50,030 --> 00:15:50,849
and we say,

471
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:52,349
Oh man,

472
00:15:52,429 --> 00:15:53,609
I'm sorry I'm running late.

473
00:15:53,979 --> 00:15:57,570
The last kid that I played with absolutely destroyed my room.

474
00:15:59,919 --> 00:16:01,460
There's an implication there y'all.

475
00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:04,520
An implication we would never want to give.

476
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:06,780
Or we'll say,

477
00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:07,679
oh,

478
00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:10,580
my room was absolutely trashed.

479
00:16:12,340 --> 00:16:13,119
In front of a parent,

480
00:16:13,179 --> 00:16:14,239
in front of a child.

481
00:16:16,520 --> 00:16:18,390
That's not unconditional acceptance.

482
00:16:20,559 --> 00:16:21,820
So we might say,

483
00:16:22,559 --> 00:16:24,479
There were a lot of toys to clean up.

484
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:25,580
Or

485
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:28,390
I had a lot of stuff to put away.

486
00:16:29,650 --> 00:16:29,659
But

487
00:16:30,409 --> 00:16:32,299
those are neutral sentences.

488
00:16:32,729 --> 00:16:33,739
Your words matter.

489
00:16:34,630 --> 00:16:36,390
CCPT is wordsmithery,

490
00:16:36,429 --> 00:16:37,659
if you haven't figured that out yet.

491
00:16:38,070 --> 00:16:38,520
So,

492
00:16:39,070 --> 00:16:40,270
one of my coaching folks,

493
00:16:40,390 --> 00:16:40,950
Jonathan,

494
00:16:41,070 --> 00:16:42,890
told me that I need to do

495
00:16:43,150 --> 00:16:46,219
a conference on the word smithery of CCPT.

496
00:16:46,309 --> 00:16:46,549
I'm,

497
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:46,869
I'm,

498
00:16:46,950 --> 00:16:47,890
I'm pondering that

499
00:16:48,030 --> 00:16:48,390
notion,

500
00:16:48,510 --> 00:16:48,820
but

501
00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:50,049
You,

502
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:53,570
you have to learn how to say things and that your words matter

503
00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,090
and your word choice

504
00:16:55,469 --> 00:16:56,530
makes a huge difference.

505
00:16:57,369 --> 00:16:59,679
So keep that in mind when you're thinking about room wrecks as well.

506
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:01,200
And then finally,

507
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:03,770
When

508
00:17:04,010 --> 00:17:06,390
a child is actively

509
00:17:06,719 --> 00:17:07,760
swiping shelves,

510
00:17:08,050 --> 00:17:09,709
throwing everything on the floor,

511
00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:13,098
making as much of a mess as they possibly can.

512
00:17:14,420 --> 00:17:17,920
And be mindful that a room wreck is different than

513
00:17:18,339 --> 00:17:19,430
mess-making play,

514
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,618
but sometimes mess-making play can end up in a room wreck.

515
00:17:22,858 --> 00:17:23,199
So,

516
00:17:23,270 --> 00:17:26,140
know that there's some similarities and crossover between those two.

517
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:28,088
But when that's going on,

518
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:32,380
When you're watching more and more and more and more

519
00:17:32,739 --> 00:17:34,619
accumulate on the floor of your playroom.

520
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,339
And you know how long it's going to take you,

521
00:17:37,869 --> 00:17:38,880
and you know

522
00:17:39,020 --> 00:17:40,239
the amount of work

523
00:17:40,540 --> 00:17:41,359
and effort

524
00:17:41,550 --> 00:17:43,719
that's going to require to reset everything.

525
00:17:45,469 --> 00:17:46,390
That's when

526
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:48,880
Your feet are held to the fire.

527
00:17:49,790 --> 00:17:51,670
And that's when you find out what you're made of.

528
00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:53,780
Because

529
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:55,260
we crumble.

530
00:17:56,109 --> 00:17:56,599
Under pressure.

531
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,270
We are on

532
00:18:00,689 --> 00:18:02,430
the Summit Framework

533
00:18:02,750 --> 00:18:03,709
at the level

534
00:18:03,810 --> 00:18:06,310
to which we can sustain the skills

535
00:18:06,650 --> 00:18:07,969
in any circumstance.

536
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,219
So as you're sitting there watching

537
00:18:12,599 --> 00:18:13,359
what's happening.

538
00:18:14,790 --> 00:18:17,229
Is the pressure causing you to drift?

539
00:18:17,280 --> 00:18:19,339
Is the pressure causing you to resent?

540
00:18:19,630 --> 00:18:22,119
Is the pressure causing you to get all up in your head

541
00:18:22,349 --> 00:18:24,069
and you're not even paying attention anymore

542
00:18:24,069 --> 00:18:25,989
because you spent 5 minutes figuring out how

543
00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:28,589
in the world you're going to get all that cleaned up before your next kid?

544
00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:31,339
When

545
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,800
pressure is introduced,

546
00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:35,199
that's what you're made of.

547
00:18:36,160 --> 00:18:37,800
Are you fully CCPT

548
00:18:37,959 --> 00:18:39,680
when a kid is room wrecking?

549
00:18:41,760 --> 00:18:43,640
Do you still unconditionally accept that kid?

550
00:18:43,729 --> 00:18:44,880
Do you still like that kid?

551
00:18:45,010 --> 00:18:46,859
Do you see that as meaningful work?

552
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,319
Do you see the why behind it and you celebrate internally that the child

553
00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:55,260
is finally tackling some really big stuff that they need to work through?

554
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,520
Are you seeing it as normal?

555
00:18:57,599 --> 00:18:59,040
Are you seeing it as a means to an end?

556
00:18:59,119 --> 00:18:59,520
Are you going,

557
00:18:59,640 --> 00:18:59,920
yep,

558
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:02,479
this is what happens sometimes in CCPT?

559
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:04,939
That's the test.

560
00:19:06,160 --> 00:19:07,790
Cause when you have easy sessions,

561
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:08,900
let me assure you.

562
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,839
You are not being tested and you don't know what you're made of.

563
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,119
You find out what you're made of

564
00:19:16,319 --> 00:19:17,420
when things get hard.

565
00:19:18,079 --> 00:19:19,160
That's true of everything in life.

566
00:19:19,239 --> 00:19:19,400
That's,

567
00:19:19,439 --> 00:19:20,819
that's not a CCPT

568
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,260
helpful tip.

569
00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:22,439
That,

570
00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:23,979
that's a helpful tip for life.

571
00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:27,000
You go do a,

572
00:19:27,040 --> 00:19:28,099
a lame workout

573
00:19:28,719 --> 00:19:29,939
and you're all proud of yourself.

574
00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:30,439
You're like,

575
00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:31,160
oh man,

576
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,310
I went to the gym and I did like 30 minutes

577
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,339
and you basically did nothing the whole time you were there.

578
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,760
You flexed in front of the mirrors and you're like,

579
00:19:37,829 --> 00:19:37,920
yeah,

580
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:38,750
I'm looking pretty good.

581
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:39,869
That's not a workout,

582
00:19:39,920 --> 00:19:40,420
OK?

583
00:19:41,040 --> 00:19:42,359
That's not when you're tested.

584
00:19:44,910 --> 00:19:48,180
You have to be put into difficult situations

585
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,579
to realize

586
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,000
how CCPT you truly are,

587
00:19:52,239 --> 00:19:52,920
and a room wreck,

588
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:53,250
I don't know,

589
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,170
I don't really know of any other scenario

590
00:19:55,319 --> 00:19:57,319
except maybe when a kid is physically injuring you.

591
00:19:57,420 --> 00:19:59,300
I would say those are the two hardest moments

592
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,400
when you've got a kid that is wrecking your room and

593
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:03,540
when you have a kid that is consistently hurting you.

594
00:20:04,550 --> 00:20:05,650
That's when you realize.

595
00:20:06,780 --> 00:20:08,119
Where your skills are,

596
00:20:08,619 --> 00:20:09,900
and you're tested.

597
00:20:11,030 --> 00:20:13,890
And my hope and prayer is that we prove

598
00:20:14,109 --> 00:20:16,780
to be fully CCPT even in those moments,

599
00:20:16,829 --> 00:20:18,050
or at least we're getting there.

600
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,339
So room wrecks are necessary.

601
00:20:21,550 --> 00:20:23,060
Room wrecks are powerful.

602
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:24,979
We do not want parents

603
00:20:25,119 --> 00:20:25,579
to

604
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,709
insert themselves into that process.

605
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,540
We need to be careful with the way that we say things about it to parents.

606
00:20:32,640 --> 00:20:35,739
And we have to be careful of the way that we internalize it ourselves.

607
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,780
Because there is no escaping them.

608
00:20:39,040 --> 00:20:39,560
I mean,

609
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:41,300
it is certainly my,

610
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:42,859
my wish for you all.

611
00:20:43,489 --> 00:20:45,219
My wish for you.

612
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,040
Every time I say stuff,

613
00:20:47,130 --> 00:20:48,000
songs pop into my head.

614
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,819
It's like my superpower and curse.

615
00:20:50,219 --> 00:20:50,520
OK,

616
00:20:50,599 --> 00:20:51,060
so

617
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:52,579
my wish for you

618
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:54,189
is that

619
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:56,420
you don't have room wrecks very often,

620
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,140
and those are outliers.

621
00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:00,030
But when you get them,

622
00:21:00,199 --> 00:21:02,589
I hope that you come back to this episode and you're like,

623
00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:03,339
OK,

624
00:21:03,839 --> 00:21:04,560
I know what to do.

625
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:05,359
I can handle this.

626
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,380
It's gonna be fine.

627
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,199
And look,

628
00:21:07,239 --> 00:21:08,300
at the end of the day,

629
00:21:08,619 --> 00:21:09,380
when a kid

630
00:21:09,719 --> 00:21:11,739
has put every single thing that you own on the floor,

631
00:21:12,709 --> 00:21:14,689
You learn how to clean up fast.

632
00:21:15,069 --> 00:21:17,790
If you haven't mastered the art of resetting a playroom quickly,

633
00:21:17,869 --> 00:21:18,910
you need to work on that.

634
00:21:19,469 --> 00:21:21,170
You get all the big stuff put back.

635
00:21:22,150 --> 00:21:26,579
You put all the little stuff in a bin in a box and you slide it over against the wall

636
00:21:27,079 --> 00:21:28,640
and you put your next kid in the room.

637
00:21:30,670 --> 00:21:30,829
You,

638
00:21:30,910 --> 00:21:33,390
you don't spend hours and hours when you

639
00:21:33,390 --> 00:21:35,800
don't have them trying to sort everything out.

640
00:21:36,119 --> 00:21:37,069
All the little things,

641
00:21:37,189 --> 00:21:40,880
they get scooped up into one big box or bin and they get shoved against the wall,

642
00:21:40,989 --> 00:21:42,689
and all the big stuff gets put back.

643
00:21:44,229 --> 00:21:44,969
And then you say,

644
00:21:45,390 --> 00:21:47,060
if you're looking for something and you can't find it,

645
00:21:47,069 --> 00:21:48,569
it's probably over there in that box.

646
00:21:48,989 --> 00:21:51,430
And then the next kid comes in and if it's a one-off thing,

647
00:21:51,550 --> 00:21:52,329
no one cares.

648
00:21:53,390 --> 00:21:54,469
Don't let that stress you out.

649
00:21:54,550 --> 00:21:55,270
It should not.

650
00:21:56,390 --> 00:21:57,560
So I hope that encourages you.

651
00:21:57,680 --> 00:21:58,520
I hope that

652
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,949
you at least have some solid foundation under your,

653
00:22:02,319 --> 00:22:03,040
your plan

654
00:22:03,319 --> 00:22:03,939
because

655
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:05,500
it's not an if but when,

656
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,180
and we need to be ready for those because

657
00:22:08,319 --> 00:22:09,709
the more ready we are,

658
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,060
the more we will handle it in an adherent way,

659
00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:13,140
and that's always the goal.

660
00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:14,199
I love y'all.

661
00:22:14,319 --> 00:22:14,979
Hope you have a great week.

662
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:15,839
We'll talk again soon.

663
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:16,239
Bye.

664
00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:21,089
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

665
00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,260
For more episodes and resources,

666
00:22:23,420 --> 00:22:28,180
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.