BONUS EPISODE: John Rushton: Navigating Human Emotions and the Power of Storytelling

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry, Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Why Not Me the World?
Join us today as emotions expert and author John Rushton.
Here's his experiences from over forty years of global travel,
revealing that people from diverse backgrounds face remarkably similar challenges.
He has recently completed a book featuring a fictional character
named Anti Bromwyn, who provides a safe space for individuals
to express themselves candidly. The book, entitled The Anthology of
Anti Bromwyn, explores a wide range of thought provoking topics.
His stories are remarkable and we're just so glad to
have him on. Thanks for coming.
On my pleasure.
Indeed, it's my understanding that you've written a book.
Yes, yes, I've written a few actually, but what recent one.
Can we get a little insight on your most recent
book and what it's about.
There's a story to it, but it's a long story,
but we're going to that. But it's a story about
people's aspects of people's lives. And it came about from
my sort of previous books, which all about emotions, why
people do what they do, or maybe they shouldn't do
what they do. This came to some radio programs which
I was on, and people were phony in about various
aspects of their lives. I mean not just oh I
feel like, not not that kind of but I mean
real problems which they were having to overcome themselves, some
with other people, families, friends, whatever. And it came to
a level where it was difficult to respond to them
all from a personal point of view, because everybody today
is waiting to be offended or upset or something like that.
You know, they're ac cews of people who are next
please offend me and all that kind of thing. So
we came up one evening with some friends and maybe
a couple of glasses of wine that we would actually
have a fictitious character and the formulated one, and we
call her Anti Bronwyn, and she had created her character
and helped that ground heedigree and she was an elderly
lady who has been around then It Senior got the
T shirt, the beanie cap, everything, and now she's come
home to retire, but she doesn't want to give up life.
She's full of life and wisdom and she likes her
gen and tonic late afternoon. So she's everybody's sort of
favorite aunt. But she doesn't take any rubbish from anyone.
She will say exactly what it is, not necessarily being offensive,
but she will say exactly what it is and how
it should be. She won't tell you what to do,
but she'll say, you know, why an earl did you
deal with that? And then when you do that, the
person who's actually asking you the question has to explain themselves,
and normally the answer comes out why they explain themselves.
And we did this and it was so interesting that
we decided I decided to make a book of the
transcripts of all the radio interviews that we've had. And
there was some amazing people, some type sort of taboo
subjects as well, but they went for it. You know,
we would listen and we would get other people's aspects
of life as to why it happened, how it happened,
and sometimes it was quite sort of heart wrenching as
to how it happened and why it happened, completely different
from a viewpoint view saying what about this, Oh I
don't like that, you know, but have you heard it? No,
So we would say, well, just listened and then make
your judgment. And so this is the book which is
coming out shortly. I think it's like fifty one hundred
and sixty chapters. So it's one hundred and sixty different
stories of people's lives and how they came about changing
their pis themselves.
When you hear people that call in, they tell you
about their lives. They go into different things that happens
during their life. How do you react to that? I mean,
you've got an unknown person calling in, bearing their souls
to you of the deepest heartfelt feelings and emotions. So
how does that affect you?
Maybe I'm just thick skinned, but I don't know. But
quickly I think whenin the first couple of minutes you
know the kind of person as to what some people
just want to a view about themselves. You gave them
three days at a time, they would be there three
days non stop talking about it. Other people just want
to talk about an aspect of life which is troubling them,
and usually you find the people who have that miniscule
part that aspect of life are the woes who are
the most interesting.
That's very interesting. I think I'm going to have you
expand on that, because when people are having problems within
their lives, they either go to a therapist or close friends,
and then sometimes the best therapy they can get for
their mental health is talking with someone just like yourself
that they don't know but have respect for what you've done.
And then they tell you their stories where they have
their emotions on their sleeves, as they would say, and
then you react, give them information and then hopefully it's
helped them to move on with their life.
That's absolutely bang on. That's why we actually developed anti Bromwn.
They say none of it person, and we found people
would actually talk more in debt to anti Bromwyn online.
I mean they couldn't see it, they could see a caricature,
and then when she replied, sometimes making fun of them,
I mean not masterly, but saying why did you do that?
What were you're thinking of at the time? Don't you
think that sounded a bit stupid, and there's a silence,
and then sometimes it burst out laughing, well it was,
but I did it. All of a sudden you have
this warm rapport which comes out and it's a free
as opposed to be telling you and you're telling me
and all of this kind of thing, and it it's
quite sort of elevating.
Have you had any people that have contacted you. You
listen to their problems, you listened to what they had
to say. Then you kind of thought that maybe they
had more issues than what you wanted to deal with,
but you kept working with them, talking with them, and
then all of a sudden things just changed, They changed
their way, which made you feel like you had really
helped them move forward with their life.
Yes, I think quite often people have a list of things.
It's like going to the doctor and saying, doctor, I've
got something wrong with my finger, and then when it oh,
by the way, I have this and a rash here,
and it's spot there and something that you it all
along and it's a bit like that at times. You find,
as you just said, if you just go through the
first couple of layers, then the rest seems insignificant if
you actually tell them something to the effect that, well, look,
there's one enormous thing in life which can help you,
which will make you overcome all of your problems, which
will give you the strength and the courage to go forward.
And it's called you go and look in the mirror
and see that person and think, wow, I am fantastic,
I am brilliant. I'm going to come out over on
top of all this. And sometimes it's not. It doesn't
happen to everybody, but a lot of people by putting
similar things in front of them, they realize that, you know,
what they're telling me is all about them, which is
quite right, but it is all about them. There's no
other person going to solve it but themselves. You know
the world. There isn't a muchan wand out there.
Yeah right, that's so true. Have you had anyone that's
come to you where you just thought, I don't know
what to do with them. They are just so far
off center. They really truly needed some professional help. How
did you handle that if you had a situation like that.
I'm quite blunt or anti blondin's quite blunt and saying,
you know, because some people come to you, telling you
really what is wrong with them, and within that framework,
they're also telling you what they want in return. No,
I'm not well and I want you to do this
for me basically, which of course will never happen. And
I know quite often say well, what I'm actually picking
up from you? And I give you all my sympathy
and respect and love and everything else, but I think
you need help over and above what I can give you,
because it seems you're in such a place where I'm
not qualified to go there or understand where you're from.
And sometimes when you said that, they back down like
a million miles. Uh, well, because what has happened. They've
built up they're coming, they're going to come on the radio.
So they've been on the phone or I'm on the
PC or whatever, and they built up a scenario as
an entree in their own mind. It's grown and grown,
and when I get on, when I get online, I'm
going to tell them, okay, you're online, and it helt,
it comes and it's just like the damn Gate's opening.
You know. It's more than your four set in your
kitchen or your bathroom. It just comes gushing out in
millions of gallons. And when you say that and you say, well,
I'm sorry, I can't help you, they suddenly backed most
of them suddenly back down, and they're they're quite meek
and mild after that. And it's not a lot of
it's their own fabrication of their own worth and value
and their own problems, and it's almost selfishness, like everything
is about me. Of course you've got to a degree,
it's got to be about you, because nobody else can
be about you. But it's always you know so much,
everything's about me, my friends, my family, the world everything.
Why do they doing this to me? How can they
do this to me? And the answer is quite easily,
because it's not about you. It's how you react to
what is happening. When you're not reacting well to anything,
this is your own making. And that's sobering.
When you've been on the radio, you've had people call in,
have you had instances where you could actually hear the
pain in their voice in what they're going through, and
you could tell that it was real and so real
that you had to just take a deep breath and
start for a second to formulate your answers so you
didn't push them over the edge and you could still
help them.
I And sometimes you can hear what they are not saying,
and quite often it's the people who are not saying fully,
they're being quite nice about their pain and everything else.
They're not screaming and sobbing and deep breaths and gesticulating
in all of this that you can say, they're saying
it in such a sort of a pleasant way. And
on a number of occasions I've said, Oh, Susan O'Brian
or whoever, do you know, if I was there, I
would give you the biggest hug ever. And then but
you start, then it's all gone. I said, No, in
your own time, just say bit by bit what it is,
and afterwards, invariably end up with when you say goodbye,
that you're laughing to each other on the line.
So you've created this online form where they can send
you emails and questions for the show. Yes, do you
find yourself getting a wide range of questions that will
be asked to you because in the States have a
deer abbey. This was questions and answers that was in
the papers where they send in questions and then deer
abbey would give them advice on what she thought that
they should do. Yes, she passed away and then her
daughter took it over. And I still believe that it
runs and select papers across the country. So do you
see a similarity between our deer Abbey and the one
that you've created in the UK.
Quite similar, quite similar the responses of Varu. You get
some weird people on board anyway, Hey, that's just part
of the course. And you get also those people who
want to tell you their live story, you know, and
you can't get more than twenty five pages before it
cuts off. Another people will give you two paragraphs or
a paragraph. It's quite succinct. Those are the people who
you find you can help the most because they don't waffle.
They don't tell you about the weather and when they
were going to the store and someone smiled at them
and they wondered why, And now they're getting to therapy
and all this business. The Antiprong is quite sharp with
their answers, because there's no good humoring people because you
absolutely know where I mean. They may not like it,
but that's not a problem anyway, don't like it. Next
for those in between, we had some very very good
responses back, saying well, I took your advice. I didn't
want to, but I took you wed well, it wasn't
as we would suggest. We took your suggestions, and it's
changed immeasurably. It really does work. I do feel better.
I feel more in charge of my life. And sometimes
they're very simple things, but you've got so wrapped up
in it. It's become habitual and it's sort of trying
to pull out of the habit.
How long have you been doing this online form as
it is today.
On and off? About ten years?
In the ten years that you've been doing this, what
kind changes have you seen from when you started to
the way it is today and the way they form
and phrase the questions that they ask you.
I think I can honestly say about ten years ago,
when I started, people were more wholesome, they were more
down to earth, They were more brisk with what they
had to say. They were you know, they had a
problem and they told you the problem that was it. Today,
there's so much social engineering picked up from Instagram and Facebook,
and so many people telling you, have you got this,
have you got that? Get this? This will help you
do this? You know, did you fall down and hurt
yourself when you're at school, you'll may be suffering from trauma.
I'm seventy four years of age. Hello, you know, haven't
you got over it yet? It's a bit late now,
And all of these kind of things, and there's they
put all where did you get all this from? Is
that true? Are you just copying and pasting it mentally
for somewhere else, because there's a lot of copy and paste.
You know, they've heard phrases and sayings from the internet
and they're reciting them. It's not smart, it's not good.
It has no bearing on you. It's just something you
think sounds good. And that's a bit of rubbish because
it may sound good, but it doesn't go anywhere once
you've got through all that. And people have told you that,
they said, well that your emails sounds absolutely amazing, But
I don't believe any of it at all. This is
not you talking. You're giving snippets of everybody else. So
whose life are you're living? Yours or somebody else's? And
what they said, well, I don't care what they said.
You know, if they died tomorrow, you would still keep
on living. So what is the problem. It's just getting
really down to brass tags.
So the book's been written and it's ready to go.
When is the release date for it?
It should have been this month, November, but we're hoping
it will be sort of December.
Oh that's great. So where do you see this going?
What type of person do you anticipate is going to
be the ones to go out and purchase this and
read it. Because you've got all kinds of stories with
different issues that people have gone through. So what are
you anticipating on that front?
I think there are three areas of There's the one
the person who's interested in sort of people's lives or
social understanding of people. There's the person who likes to
travel because you can pick up the book and you
can travel and read one chapter or chapter one, then
chapter fourteen, then chapter seventy three, then chapter one hundred
and twenty two, and then go back so you can
pick and choose from the index and what you wish
to read. And then there's the other person who really
just wants a sort of a more grounding knowledge of
a wide specter of the population as to how they
think and feel. When you've read a few from the
people are shown to already and they said, well, I
never thought of that. Gosh, that's opened my eyes a bit.
I never even realized that people like that would think
like that. And there is you know, and why not, Well,
it's because a lot of times things don't cross your mind.
You're living your life as best you can, and you're
not going around being an amateur psychologist to everybody around
you in the store, your friends, your family, or whatever.
You have a think or to live, which is called
your own life. And that's the most important thing, because
if you're not important to yourself, then nobody else will be.
And so it's just those three things. We've even had
an interest in a company doing some animation basically sort
of Simpson's style, but not not like that, having characters
and caricatures of the characters involved in various aspects. There
was work in particular. She was an elderly couple and
this is a religious thing, and the husband kept the
wife almost locked in at home. He would allow her
to go to the store and she was forty five
minutes and any more than that and he would hit
her and everything else. This went on, and one day
she had enough. She just got up literally with her
purse and left and she was walking up and down
the road outside in a coffee shop, and there was
a woman inside, and she said, you know, to her friend,
do you know I've seen this one walking up and
down half at times she just goes there. And of
course the woman didn't know what to do, She didn't
know where to go, she had no freedom, she didn't
know who's who, what's what. And so she went out
and asked her and said, ah, you are right. She said, no,
I'm not. She said, I'm lost. She said, when you
lived around the corner, She said, I've never been further
than the store. Anyway, they phoned her son, and her
son came and took her in, and now she's absolutely
enjoying a fabulous life. And there were lots of sort
of store is similar to that, where people have just
said enough is enough and they haven't gone hysterical or
being mental. They've just got up and moved. There's any
one person can.
Do this me. That's such a great story. When we
think of mental health, we think autism, ad eh D,
bipolar in all those things. Yes, we don't think about
mental health being just the everyday burdens of life that
some people have to go through.
Yes, that's it. Well, that's what the book contains a
lot of sort of everyday aspects of life which for
some don't go well. And it's not mental health. I mean,
both parties are all right, but one has a controlling
interest in the other or some other aspect, and it's
that person just saying I've had enough, I'm going, I
don't care why how I'm going, and they go and
it's quite a revelation in what they say and do,
and it's quite inspirationally to myself that they do that.
Yeah, stress and outside burdens like that put so much
on a person and that can affect their mental health
just like anything else can. It comes down to, like
you said before, how they view themselves, how they view
the world ultimately, how they view themselves in that world.
Hopefully stories like that that you're telling and their reading
will give them the inspiration to change their lives as well.
Yes, yes, yes, well there are quite a few like
that in the book, in different aspects. And that's one
of the reasons why I thought I ought to put
this down pen to paper and put the transcripts down,
because they were I thought they were inspiring and a
lot of these people were not loud or browse or anything,
but they've just had enough.
Yeah. Absolutely. Now you've been on TV, you've been on radio,
you've done all the press and all that. Have you
done book signings where people have come up to meet you,
where some of the people that told their stories that
made it into the book you got to meet face
to face.
I haven't because my other books were launched and there
were no book signings at all. But this one we
are geting too because we have a lot of interested
parties similar to what I just said to you, who
are interested in these aspects and they think you would
be very very good to make it available just for
other people to read anything. As you said, Wow that's me,
that's me to a tea.
Yeah, that's pretty awesome. Actually, I think this will be
a completely different scenario for you because you're going to
get a chance to meet some of these people that
will give you a completely different perspective rather than reading
something that you see in the forum, yes, or from
the ones that called in. I mean you can feel
the pain through words, you can feel the pain through
them calling in. This time, it might be a little
bit different because you'll actually see it in their face
as they tell you their stories.
Again, Yes, yes, yes, Well, the few people I've said
the book too for sort of reading prior to getting
it published came back and I was quite actually surprised
at what they said. It was quite an emotional thing
because some of them resonated with quite a few things
in the book, and then they also said on things
which they had never thought of before. Oh I never, gosh,
I never realized that, or it never came to mind.
Yeah, yeah, I get that. You know, people are all
the same. It doesn't matter whether they're from the US,
the UK, Europe, Australia, people around the world are pretty
much the same.
They are. Oh.
People don't realize this. They think they're different because they're
from someplace else, but they're really not. They may speak different,
they may have different things they do from day to
day life. Pretty much, no matter where we're from, we're
all the same. We all have the same problems. The
only difference is the location that we live and how
the country handles it.
Yes.
Yes, the beauty of this book as I see it,
is that it has common sense practices. You give great
ideas and great resolutions. People have the same problems worldwide.
So hopefully someone reads this no matter where they live,
gathers something from it and it helps them so that
they can move forward with their life wherever they are.
Well. In my previous life, I was traveling a little
around the world, So I've been to Africa, India, China,
and South America, Europe, across the State's Kindada, New Zealand,
Indian Ocean islands, all of these things. And I was
doing that because of my job. I traveling Nord stop
and just what you said was absolutely spot on. Everybody
in every country has the same problems. It's just that
they deal with them differently. In Africa they have a
lot of cultural differences, so they deal with because of
cultural differences. In the Middle East, because of their religious things,
they deal things, deal with things in a different way,
but it's the same problem. One thing I mentioned about
the lady who actually broke free, it was an Islamic
family and it was a very tight to Islamic sort
of control of women and men and all that kind
of thing. And she didn't and she did, oh she couldn't,
and she and all this this, this, these false barriers
which are created in your mind until that day she
broke them, and now she is well. I mean, this
is going back a while now, but since she actually
broke free and she went to live with her son,
she would never recognize her at all. She's a completely
new woman, I mean, and she's actually enjoying life.
Oh that's just great. I mean, that's really great. What
do you see for yourself in the next three to
five years, what's your future hold?
I would like to develop more on this book. I've
actually got another one in the pipeline, which I've been
writing on at a slightly different level, but it's it's
the same basic content because I think it's quite cathartic
listening to what other people have done, as opposed to
having somebody who's a psychiatrist or psychologist telling you this
and that and that and that and you should do
this and you should do that, because a lot of
them are not quite right themselves, to be honest and so,
but getting it firsthand from people who've done it, seen it,
got the t shirt, the caustic and the cutty toy
and everything they've done that for the heart, it's absolutely
one hundred percent accurate. And that is where the real
inspiration comes. That someone's done it, and you think, my god,
if you can do that, so could I. I'm in
a better position than you, but I I'm going to
do it. I think it's good.
Oh absolutely, What would you like to leave us with
that we might not have touched upon.
Just based on the book and the people in it.
The most important person in the entire world is yourself.
If you're not the most important person, are you the second, third,
fourth most important person? When you're number one, and you
don't have to have riches and grandeur. When you're number one,
you can help everybody, including yourself. If you're less than that,
you're not doing yourself any justice. When you become number one,
you're invincible.
Absolutely, I like it. This has been great, great conversation,
great information. I really appreciate you coming on.
Pleasure indeed very much so. I've enjoyed it too. Thank
you for the excellent questions.
It's been my pleasure.