The Less You Know, The Better? | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. We're so happy to be back. Thanks for joining us.

00:00:14
Speaker 2: And if you haven't heard Wednesday's episode, make sure to check it out. We had Natasha on with us and we had such a great time, didn't we.

00:00:22
Speaker 1: Catch Oh my gosh, how much fun is Natasha? I mean? And how much advice about dating? I feel like I don't have a chance after listening to her advice.

00:00:32
Speaker 2: Wait, how about that website she told us about to learn the questions to ask to get to know people on your first few dates. That was pretty interesting. I was jotting down notes over here that.

00:00:44
Speaker 1: Do you think that I don't know? I feel like you and I have asked some pretty good questions. But I like the fact that she's all about like we have to sort of moderate ourselves and figure out how we can be the best version of ourselves to meet other people. I kind of like that thought.

00:01:05
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, I did too. And the best of all was be comfortable in your own skin, like the woman that rode into us right seventy one years old, because she looks in the mirror and she doesn't see herself like when she was twenty thirty, forty and she feels like all the best parts are done. This is the best part.

00:01:24
Speaker 1: That's right this and did you love the love that Natasha said? She's leaving New York because men they don't want to commit. She's going to move to Florida. She wants better weather. I can't wait to do a remote with her during a hurricane.

00:01:37
Speaker 2: Oh god, all right, so you better learn how to play golf though. If she's real and Florida's gonna have.

00:01:43
Speaker 1: All pickleball stany you got it all right. Today we're back with another round of fan questions, and we have some really juicy ones to get into. But before we dive in, if you have a question for us, send it in now. We love connecting with you all and answering all your questions. It's really easy. Do it now. Just go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour, leave us a comment, write a question. We can't wait to answer them.

00:02:16
Speaker 2: Yes, keep them coming, please, because not only do we love them, we love talking about it and it gives us something to give you some feedback. So, Kathy, really quick, I do have to ask you know you were in my hometown, the Italy, the food. I just tell me about the food.

00:02:34
Speaker 1: I know you're not a foodie, Susan, I am not a foodie, but let me tell you. Let me give you the quick recap of my trip. Okay, first of all, it was Dickens novel. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. The sad part first, my daughter's husband father, my daughter's father in law, had a stroke, so please send prayers out for him. And then we had some other issues. But the trip itself, the countryside is beautiful, the cities were beautiful. The food, I'm not a foodie, I loved it's also fresh told. However, I will tell you I'm probably the one and only person who's ever gone to Italy and lost weight. I eat everything in my sight.

00:03:17
Speaker 2: God, don't say that out loud.

00:03:19
Speaker 1: The wine, the cheese, the I mean, the place was amazing. We had the beaches to ourselfs because apparently, you know, the vacation in Italy doesn't start until the end of summer. Sorry, but we just had a great time with family and friends and new friends. I gotta say one quick thing about the men Bachelor in Paradise. Any man who's looking for me, he's not coming from Italy. They are all such good looking men, but they all come up to my belly button, Like.

00:03:54
Speaker 2: But how about how friendly everybody is?

00:03:55
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. And the water, the color of the.

00:03:58
Speaker 2: Water, the architect like. The beauty is everywhere.

00:04:03
Speaker 1: The beauty is everywhere. We would sit out on plazas and have drinks. You know what. Nobody's in a rush there, nobody's saying, you know, we need that table. We sat and had drinks and chatted, and our family just grew closer it truly. I mean there were some sad parts too, family issues, but.

00:04:20
Speaker 2: What you know, everywhere they.

00:04:25
Speaker 1: I'm ready to move to Europe, I really am. We talk about the drivers though, question before we get on to the next the part here. These their cars are like matchbox cars. These cars, what do they do? Stuff that gets in the trunk? I mean, seriously, what do they do? And they don't have driver's licenses because if they do, it must be write your name, get you passed?

00:04:53
Speaker 2: They do?

00:04:54
Speaker 1: They do, Susan, They drive like maniacs.

00:04:56
Speaker 2: I was driving there, trust me, and I read a little convertible. It was so cute.

00:05:02
Speaker 1: I don't know the vespas, the motorcycles, I mean on a two lane road. It's really five lanes because there's three lanes of motorcycles zinging and zagging. I mean, truly it was. But it was an amazing trip. I cannot wait to get back to Europe again.

00:05:16
Speaker 2: I love it there, and I'll go back with you.

00:05:20
Speaker 1: Now I know why you left, Cook, Now I know.

00:05:23
Speaker 2: Well that's how I was raised. I mean my grandparents are from Italy.

00:05:27
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:05:27
Speaker 2: So yeah, I'm glad you enjoyed it, Kathy.

00:05:31
Speaker 1: I can't wait. We'll go back together and we'll have two guys that come up to our.

00:05:34
Speaker 2: Navels under the Tuscan sun.

00:05:40
Speaker 1: All right, let's get into it. Let's get into it.

00:05:43
Speaker 2: I have a question for us, Kathy. It's our question of the day.

00:05:50
Speaker 1: All right, let's do it.

00:05:51
Speaker 2: Susan, Okay, how long should you see someone before putting the boyfriend girlfriend label on it?

00:06:00
Speaker 1: Oh? Well, for me, I think that term is you know, it's it means different things to different people.

00:06:11
Speaker 2: What do you think boyfriend girlfriend means?

00:06:14
Speaker 1: For me? It means the impossible? Right now?

00:06:20
Speaker 2: For me, it means you don't see anybody else? Isn't that what?

00:06:24
Speaker 1: All?

00:06:24
Speaker 2: Right?

00:06:24
Speaker 1: Friend? I think for me, I can't speak for everyone. For me, I think it probably does, you know, have the connotation of exclusivity. Yes, sure, and but I think you know, if you're sitting there and you have to say, you know, hey, Joe, are we exclusive, then you know that. I don't think I'd be asking those questions. I think it's just something that develops naturally.

00:06:50
Speaker 2: So for I'm asking you, though, how long should you see somebody before you're ready maybe to put I say you hadn't know them, right?

00:07:02
Speaker 1: I think it depends on the person. I mean, in the mansion, you know we know them a month.

00:07:09
Speaker 2: I mean I don't know, Kathy, Kathy, you were the girlfriend within the first twenty four hours. Excuse me, wait with us became friends within the first twenty four hours. Not boyfriend girlfriend, But yeah, you know, sometimes you just click.

00:07:27
Speaker 1: I know. That's why I say it depends on the guy. I think. I think if you ask ten women, you would get ten different answers. And I can't answer without knowing the guy.

00:07:36
Speaker 2: I don't know. Is there a lall like? Is it three months? Six dates?

00:07:40
Speaker 1: Five?

00:07:40
Speaker 2: I don't know. All right, we're going to do some of those questions. Are you ready?

00:07:46
Speaker 1: All right? All right?

00:07:47
Speaker 2: Let me go with the first one.

00:07:48
Speaker 1: All right, here we go, Okay Macy from Boston Macie my hometown. Macy from Boston says, Hi, Kathy and Susan, I have a question about bachelor and bachelorette parties. I'm currently engaged to my fiance Tom. We've been together for four years and got engaged six months ago. Our wedding is still a ways away as we were enjoying the engagement phase and also wanted to take our time planning. Everything has been really smooth, but last week the conversation of bachelor and bachelorette parties came up. I didn't really think either of us would be into the idea of a traditional crazy party. I'm twenty eight and he's thirty one, so I thought we were a bit too old for this to be even up for conversation. But when it came up, my fiancee got so excited telling me all the plans he and his friends have been coming up with for Las Vegas. Uh oh. I've never had an issue with him in terms of trusting him when he goes out or his circle of friends, but the thought of a classic bachelor party with strippers and crazy partying really puts me off. He didn't mention strippers outright, but his plans are basically day club to nightclub with gambling and expensive dinners in between. We can afford it, so the spending doesn't bother me. I didn't really know what to say, so I just said, oh wow. He seemed confused by my reaction and asked what I was thinking of doing. I told him my plan, a long spa weekend away with my bridesmaids and maybe a brunch and a nice celebratory dinner thrown in. The conversation kind of ended there when I got a phone call from my mother just to chat. And we haven't spoken about it since. Is it controlling of me to not want him to go to Vegas? Am I overreacting? Should I bring it up again or let it go?

00:09:48
Speaker 2: It's human nature, You're definitely normal. But let him do what he's going to do. He's marrying you, and I I still believe what you don't know don't hurt you. So he's going to strip clubs and having dinners and getting trashed and looking like idiots out in Vegas. I like your idea, the spa weekend.

00:10:12
Speaker 1: I was gonna say, I mean every every First of all, you don't know. I mean they do call Vegas in city. But other than that, you got nothing to worry about. Macy. Here's the deal.

00:10:25
Speaker 2: He's been Vegas, stays in Vegas.

00:10:28
Speaker 1: First of all, he's thirty one. He can't party like he did when he was twenty. He's probably gonna have five beers and pass out, so don't worry. But you know, yeah, I kind of think the same thing. He's marrying you, Macy. He loves you. You know, it's it's going to be something that the story's going to grow with time. You know, at your tenth anniversary, he's going to get to this friends and he's going yeah, remember that time. The reality is going to be in bed at ten, four beers later, they lost their ten dollars at the blackjack table. It's over relas.

00:11:01
Speaker 2: Maybe this should be something for you to tell yourself. Do not ask any questions about it. You be the strong one, and maybe at the tenth anniversary you'll find out what he did. But get it out of your mind. Try to be the better person, the bigger person, and don't even ask, Just say, hey, did you have fun? You're back in one piece, Thank goodness, you're not in jail. Thank you for asking us. I hope we helped.

00:11:31
Speaker 1: Your upcoming wedding.

00:11:33
Speaker 2: And if you need an efficiant, you know guess what Cat's speaking of. Which, So, somebody did go to Vegas and it was the officiant for a wedding and I got a phone call saying that their efficient got locked up in Vegas? Can I do an emergency wedding?

00:11:49
Speaker 1: Macie? It was not your it's not your your fance. Don't worry about it. You're good to just the case. Enjoy your spa weekend, have a happy life, happy wedding.

00:12:01
Speaker 2: It's going to be great, and he loves you. That's who he's marrying. Listener question number two. This is from Tyler from New Jersey. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I love your podcast and I'm really hoping you see my question because I don't know what to do. I'm planning on proposing to my current girlfriend, Angela of five years. Her best friend Daisy helped me with everything from ring suggestions to how I should propose. Excuse me. They've been best friends since college and we're all in our late twenties early thirties now. Last night, my fiance mentioned to me that her and Daisy have been in a really intense fight that's apparently been going on for about a month. She hasn't told me because it was hard for her to accept what was going on. The breaking point was seeing Daisy comment something positive on an Instagram post from a friend that caused their fight to begin with apparently very long story short, Angela has expressed that she feels this friend is rude and does it like her, but Daisy has continued hanging out with this friend. Now I'm wondering if I can trust Daisy's opinion. Why would Daisy not mention this to me. We've been planning the engagement for the past month and a half, with most of the planning going on in the last two weeks. Should I be worried? What should I do? My buddies think that it's no big deal, and my sister thinks Daisy probably felt weird bringing it up to me. But Angela and I, for the most part, are good friends with all of each other's friends. They're all good friends, So it's weird for me that Daisy didn't say anything and just proceeded as normal.

00:14:03
Speaker 1: Uh Okay, I don't think this is weird at all. I think this is, to quote Shakespeare much ado about nothing.

00:14:14
Speaker 2: This is nothing to make it bigger.

00:14:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you maybe are getting a little bit nervous about the wedding, and Tyler, I would say to you just let it go, you know, let it go. I don't think this has anything to do with your wedding. I think it does. It's between them. It's probably nothing, and everyone's probably their nerves are on edge about the the wedding coming up, and you know, people have fights occasionally.

00:14:44
Speaker 2: It's and Kathy, if you didn't like one person and I did, that wouldn't come between us. So Angela feels that friend is rude and doesn't like her, but Daisy doesn't. She's just trying to play nice.

00:14:57
Speaker 1: I mean, and so what if she's rude, Who cares. Listen, Tyler, I'm with your buddies. It's no big deal. Let it go, all right, it let it go.

00:15:08
Speaker 2: We're proceed as normal.

00:15:10
Speaker 1: So moving on to question number three, Chelsea asks, Hi, Kathy and Susan, I love you both so much. You guys are the best. I'm twenty six years old and I live in Los Angeles. I've been here since college and I really love it. But I'm really fed up with dating. The dating apps are terrible, and the last couple first dates I've gone on have been horrible. They're all weirdly rude, immediately clingy to the point where I get kind of freaked out, or a combination of the two. How do I meet someone? I feel like dating the past few years has been really hard. Almost all of my friends are single, and the ones in relationships have been together for about three years or more. What can I do to shake things up and find a decent guy? Well, Chelsea, you tell me and we'll both know. But what you go?

00:16:04
Speaker 2: Sometimes, honestly, I would take a break from the dating sites and just do you do. You do what you enjoy, and sometimes when you least expect it, you can meet somebody or join different things, new hobbies. Maybe you'll meet somebody that way, Like, it can't always be. I was there, girlfriend, I was there, Chelsea, every dating site, and it was like homework coming home and trying to answer all these people. Some were just pen pals, others it just wasn't a good match and I needed to walk away from it. Yeah, how about you, Jeth.

00:16:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I think that's great advice. Chelsea, here's what I would say. You live in California, where the weather's beautiful most of the year. You don't have the excuse of it's snowing, it's raining, it's cold. I'm in the house watching Netflix. Get up off the sofa, girlfriend, and get outside. Go to the beach, go hiking, take a bike ride, do something. Because as much as I would love it, and I know you would too, Chelsea, the oldimple men are not going to come knock on your door and say, Hi, I've heard Chelsea lives here. Would you like to go out on a date? So you have to put a little bit of energy forward. And the way you do that is joining, like Susan said, joining some groups, getting out there. That's how you shake things up. It begins with you, Chelsea, nobody else.

00:17:35
Speaker 2: And I hope you find a decent guy. So do we?

00:17:38
Speaker 1: Yeah? So do we? By the way, when you find the decent guy, send me his father.

00:17:44
Speaker 2: Okay, ready for the next one, Kevy yep. This is from Kayla and she asks, Hi, Kathy and Susan. I'm such a huge fan of both of you and of the podcast. I really really really need your help. Two of my old friends Drew and Carly are getting married, and I know a huge secret about the relationship. Drew and Carly are part of my college friend group that I've had since my freshman year. After graduation, about seven years ago, I moved to New York City for a job, and everyone but Drew and Carly has since kept in touch. I was sad to see my friendships with them end, but they basically ghosted me immediately, and did so with a few others that I am close to. A Few years ago, my best friend and I hosted Michael, a good friend that was visiting from LA. They too are in this friend group. Michael immediately told us that Drew's birthday. At Drew's birthday party, Carly's best friend got drunk and told Michael that she slept with Drew quite a few times. Around two years after graduation. My best friend and I were, but none of us were really in Carly's life anymore, so we never thought to tell her. Now they're getting married, and Carly's best friend is her current maid of honor. We're all around twenty nine to thirty two years old, and it's been so long since everything happened. But I can just shake. I can't just shake how bad I feel for her being kept in the dark. I've talked to my husband and close friends outside of the group about this, and we're all torn on what to do. What do you think I harbor no ill towards, no ill will towards either one of them. But I get the suspicion that if I or any of my best friends from our group did say something, it would be easy to come off as bitterness and feeling excluded. We're not invited to the wedding, but we never expect it to be invited. I was genuinely happy for them until I remembered this awful secrets. Okay, Kathy, seven years ago?

00:20:01
Speaker 1: Wait minute, I know what you do. If it was your daughter, you take the guy downstairs with a baseball bat fast to the wine cellar.

00:20:09
Speaker 2: Wait, babe, let this go. Oh my goodness, it was seven years ago. People do things.

00:20:15
Speaker 1: It's simply not your business.

00:20:18
Speaker 2: Your business.

00:20:19
Speaker 1: It just it would be one thing, Susan, Do you agree? I think if if I knew the secret and it was you and we were great friends, I might then say something to you, even for what seven.

00:20:31
Speaker 2: Years seven years ago?

00:20:33
Speaker 1: I mean, is this the time, I'm going to tell you I slept with your husband. Oh god, it was good, just kiddy, and I'm sure why No.

00:20:44
Speaker 2: I would be definitely, not definitely, I don't know.

00:20:46
Speaker 1: I think she has to let it go.

00:20:49
Speaker 2: And I'm sorry they ghosted you. That sucks, but that you're right. They would think you were just doing it out of spite. You're exactly what you're feeling is absolutely right.

00:21:00
Speaker 1: Please you, Just because you know something, you don't always have to say it. And I think you don't know, cayleb that he hasn't told her. You don't know, so you know, let go, let them get married, let them begin their life together, and you move on with your life.

00:21:15
Speaker 2: That would be my suggestion, and I would you luck just move on, baby.

00:21:29
Speaker 1: Actually, I think we have time for one more question. This one is from Russell. He's sixty two from Wisconsin. Hi, Golden ladies. I have really enjoyed listening to your podcast. It's the first one I've ever listened to. My name is Russell, and I'm a sixty two year old dad of three. Seven years ago, I tragically lost my wife of thirty years to suicide. She was the glue of our family and we've been mourning and putting our family back together. Ever since. Over the past two or three years, I've gotten back into dating and have actually met a few women that I really like once they were my girlfriend. I have tried to introduce them to my kids, but they immediately resist anyone I bring home, even if it's someone I've been dating for a while. I know they want me to be happy, and I know they know I'm not trying to replace their mom, but it feels like they aren't welcoming these ladies with open arms the way I have their partners. I just want companionship and want them to be happy for me. Let me know if you have any advice on how to handle this with grown children. Well, Russell, I have exactly lived your life. I was married for almost forty six years. I also have three children, and I also lost my husband to suicide, and I've also had the same problem with my adult children. So my advice to you would be talk to your kids and do it slowly. Have them maybe just come over for you know, dessert one night. Don't force the issue. I have repeatedly said to my kids, I'm not trying to replace your dad. I will never have that kind of love again. But I have a lot of life left to live and I deserve to be happy just the way you are. It's tough for Russell. It's tough for our kids because they can only see us as a couple. They can only see you and your deceased wife as their parents, and it's really hard give it some time. Ultimately, you may just have to force the issue, and that is have the woman that you really care about spend time with you. I would say to you, don't be too cavalier about bringing too many women home too soon. I didn't see the one that's really special that you really feel a sincere connection with and then try to bring her home. I don't know, Souson, if you have something you want to add to that.

00:24:11
Speaker 2: Did it say how many years?

00:24:12
Speaker 1: It's been seven years for me, it's been five for him and seven.

00:24:18
Speaker 2: And it is time. It is time for him. He still has a life. Yeah, and the children, of course they're going to be like that in the beginning. But I would really think, wait till it's somebody really special to you before you And it's just like when you have smoked children and you're divorced, you don't bring every date home or every man that you're going to date for a minute to meet your kids. You want to make sure there's a lot of feeling there first.

00:24:45
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, Russell the other thing I just wanted to about him, Yeah, I just I'm sending you sincere condolences. I truly am living your life and you're going to get there. I'm going to get there. Just just know that these things take time, and your kids love you and they do want the best for you. They're just struggling, they're still mourning, and it's just hard. It's just a really tough situation we're in. But I really appreciate you reaching out, and I hope you reach back out to us and tell us how things are going. I only wish you love and happiness, and I really do hope you find the woman that you want to spend this last great chapter of your life.

00:25:33
Speaker 2: With absolutely and I wish you luck. And if anybody else has any questions for us, please please just ask. Go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour and ask away. You may even be featured on our podcast.

00:25:49
Speaker 1: All right for those those are some pretty intense questions, and we're really hoping for the best for all of you in these situations. But let's lighten things up and play a little game. Susan, we're here. It goes another round of moral quandary. This time we're going to switch off reading the quandary and give our thoughts on what we would really do.

00:26:12
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm ready.

00:26:14
Speaker 1: All right. You get home from a shopping spree, which in your case is a daily activity, and you realized the shirt that you asked to put back because it was too expensive is in our bag and you weren't charged for it. Do you bring it back and risk getting the employee in trouble?

00:26:37
Speaker 2: I got all the way home.

00:26:40
Speaker 1: Oh, come on, Susan, So here's the thing. I don't think the employee's going to get in trouble. How did the shirt get in your bag? You would think you stole it?

00:26:50
Speaker 2: Oh, you already got home, That's what I mean.

00:26:53
Speaker 1: I'd still take it back.

00:26:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think i'd have to. I couldn't live with myself, but I would like to think that I could have. Just would you wear it?

00:27:00
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, would you wear something with tags on it and take it back?

00:27:03
Speaker 2: Hell? No, No, I know people that do that.

00:27:06
Speaker 1: Though, Yeah I do I wouldn't do it either.

00:27:09
Speaker 2: Okay, you're at a coffee shop and you see someone yelling profusely at the barista while you're waiting for your coffee. Do you intervene and risk causing a scene? Or do you stay quiet and not get involved? That reminds me of that show. What would you do?

00:27:25
Speaker 1: I've done it. I have done this.

00:27:27
Speaker 2: I definitely get involved.

00:27:29
Speaker 1: I get him. I have gotten involved. And it actually was at a coffee shop. I looked the guy started screaming at the barista because he didn't think that the barrista was getting his coffee fast enough, and so I looked at him. I mean, he really was just blasting her. And I looked at him. I said, you know, sir, it's very busy in here, and she's working really hard, so maybe you could just be a little patient. And he looked at me and he said, I didn't ask you, and I said, I know you didn't. I just thought you might like to have a little friendly advice. She's working hard, give her a break. And then I turned around. Why didn't say that? I just turn around? But you know, I know some people. Would you do it?

00:28:14
Speaker 2: Absolutely? I've done it many times. Yes, that's a no brainer. All right, done it?

00:28:20
Speaker 1: All right? Next one, your best friend has started becoming more and more aggressive and testy with her husband, often yelling at him for small things like joining group discussions or asking her simple questions. Do you try to step in and ask her what's going on? Or just stay out of it?

00:28:38
Speaker 2: She's my best friend? You're damn right, yo? What is happening here? What has gotten into you? Why are you treating him like this? Is there something you want to talk about?

00:28:49
Speaker 1: Would you do it in front of him?

00:28:52
Speaker 2: Probably not? No, I'd take her aside. She's my best friend.

00:28:57
Speaker 1: Okay, you and I again, we always say sometimes we agree. I totally agree with you on this. I wouldn't do it in front of him, No, but I'd caller her the next day and grab a couple of coffee. Okay, what's going on?

00:29:09
Speaker 2: Come on outside with me for a minute. I want to show you something like what the fuck?

00:29:13
Speaker 1: What are you doing?

00:29:15
Speaker 2: I thought you loved this guy? What did he do?

00:29:18
Speaker 1: And let me tell you how hard it is to find a good guy. Stop screwing this up.

00:29:23
Speaker 2: You're an asshole?

00:29:26
Speaker 1: All right. Well that's all for today's episode of Golden Hour. We've had a blast. We hope you have as well. Thank you so much for joining us.

00:29:34
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you all so much. Be sure to subscribe. We have new episodes coming out every week that you do not want to miss.

00:29:42
Speaker 1: And please make sure to send us those questions. It's really easy. All you have to do is head to Bachelor nation dot com slash Golden Hour and submit those questions. You can write them, there's a place where you can voice them. You can send us a comment. We love hearing from you.

00:30:01
Speaker 2: We love it. Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Thanks again for joining us, We love it.

00:30:11
Speaker 1: Take care.