Emotional Intelligence Is Key, with Sam N. | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thanks for joining us. We are so excited to be here today.

00:00:15
Speaker 2: Of course we are. Hey everybody, I don't even want to say it again, Kathy, I hope you've hit the follow button. I'm tired of telling you people you got to hit the follow button to pay a one's going on.

00:00:27
Speaker 1: Here's what I think, Susan. We have a fabulous guest today that we're going to get to in a second elic, but I think we should cancel him and we should explain to everyone now how to find the podcast. How to just hit the follow button, because when you do, you will be notified every time there is a new podcast out, and you can leave us a review, You can ask us questions.

00:00:51
Speaker 2: And you can check out our past episodes because I'm sure you've missed a few.

00:00:54
Speaker 1: Right why would they?

00:00:56
Speaker 2: Though? We've been having fun answering the questions, haven't we We have today going to have our guest to answer a future Okay.

00:01:01
Speaker 1: So, but before for those six people left in the world, this is what Who have you not found our podcast? What do they do?

00:01:09
Speaker 2: Bachelor Nation thought? Come slash Golden Hour, You got it? Writing your questions writing your comments. But now, oh, let's let's have fun.

00:01:21
Speaker 1: Let's have fun. Okay, we have a special guest today, the Love Virgin Sam, and I didn't that was written down. I would never have said that. Sam, I've learned to pronounce. Your last name is Sam Najad from Gen season Sam. Welcome to Golden Hour. How are you doing today.

00:01:41
Speaker 3: And doing great? Thank you for having me.

00:01:44
Speaker 2: He turned red there for a minute. Do you not like the love Virgin or the love?

00:01:48
Speaker 1: You know?

00:01:48
Speaker 4: It's one of those things, it's you don't know what love I want him to sell. I don't think anybody wants to relive that night there, but you know it's it's it's one of those things that sounds better in your head and then when you kind of say it out loud, Wow, I did not think about.

00:02:06
Speaker 2: We all have those first. Trust me.

00:02:09
Speaker 1: I mean, we're going to get in. We are going to talk to you about what you've been doing. What in God's name made you think to say that? You know, we won't torment you too much. We're gonna have some fun.

00:02:22
Speaker 2: Here, but we do start with it right an episode with a question of the day, and we'd like to know your thoughts Okay, so.

00:02:30
Speaker 1: We're gonna read the question and then you're going to weigh in on it.

00:02:33
Speaker 2: We're all going to talk about it.

00:02:34
Speaker 1: You ready, Yes, the question is what in God's name would possess you to say you're a lover? No, I'm kidding.

00:02:40
Speaker 2: We will get into this, right, we will a big issue in dating today, especially for young people, is trying to figure out if someone has asked you out on a proper date or just to hang out for a hookup, which I just learned what that was. What signs do you think young women can look for or look out for to see if they're being asked out on a proper date?

00:03:05
Speaker 1: So first I think he's going I think I think for Sam, you need to define in your world what a proper date is.

00:03:13
Speaker 3: You know, a proper date to me like that you're asking if like what's the most perfect date?

00:03:17
Speaker 1: No, well, like a proper date, I mean as opposed to a hangout or hooking up?

00:03:21
Speaker 2: Like, like, what advice can you give the girls like when a guy asked her out, how does she figure out what a is this a proper date or is he asking me just to hook up?

00:03:30
Speaker 1: Or? I mean I think you and I could figure it out. But you know, young women dating today don't always no. So what's the line you're going to use if you're asking a girl out on a proper date?

00:03:40
Speaker 4: Hey, you remember you're asking a love version on questions about love. I have no idea now I'm kidding. I would say, honestly, it is the guy's intention, you know, like if he wants to pick you up, depends, like there's a lot of actions. I feel like that's what that's your gut feeling, Like, what is your gut saying?

00:03:59
Speaker 3: You know, I feel like a lot of.

00:04:00
Speaker 2: Times, listen to your intuition.

00:04:02
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:04:03
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like if something feels right, then it probably is right, you know.

00:04:07
Speaker 2: So how do you ask somebody out on a date?

00:04:09
Speaker 1: Susan, He's not asking you out, he's Sam she's suffishing for a date. Here, don't take the don't take the bait on this.

00:04:16
Speaker 3: I would ask you right now on this podcast, right right right.

00:04:19
Speaker 2: Now, I say I know.

00:04:23
Speaker 3: Now to be honest.

00:04:24
Speaker 4: Uh, you know, if it just kind of feels right, you know, I feel like it's right now. I'm focusing on just kind of I guess communicating better has been like what I've been focused on.

00:04:34
Speaker 2: So Y want to do pay for the first day?

00:04:38
Speaker 4: I do personally yes, and it's a very Persian thing to do. But it's it's it's having raised for me. I think that if I'm asking you for taking you out, then I have to It's like you know, it's it's on me right.

00:04:51
Speaker 2: Italians feel the same way when a man asks you out.

00:04:55
Speaker 1: Of course, A wait a minute, I'm a heinz fifty seven month, and of I asked me out, I expect him to pay for the first day.

00:05:04
Speaker 4: Yeah, if you guys ask a guy out.

00:05:11
Speaker 1: Are you looking for a day? Are you looking for a date?

00:05:15
Speaker 2: Do you want me to ask you? Sam? Is that what you're getting at?

00:05:17
Speaker 1: I told you to be careful?

00:05:20
Speaker 3: Is that doing one deal?

00:05:21
Speaker 4: Oh?

00:05:22
Speaker 1: Trust me? Well, you can't handle us, I promise.

00:05:25
Speaker 3: Wait.

00:05:25
Speaker 1: We know some cute young girls though?

00:05:29
Speaker 2: Are you dating now?

00:05:31
Speaker 3: Right now?

00:05:32
Speaker 4: To be honest, I'm just focused on uh well, yeah, like I'm in the dating world as far as like like going.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: Out, like what's her name?

00:05:38
Speaker 4: Meaning?

00:05:38
Speaker 2: Where does she live? What does she do?

00:05:41
Speaker 1: We want details?

00:05:42
Speaker 2: Are you on a dating site or any of them?

00:05:45
Speaker 1: No?

00:05:45
Speaker 4: I actually never did any dating sites. I was there, Yeah, I just never you know, I never, I never, I never needed to. No, I'm kidding, it's it's more so I just never. I never saw the peel that I always thought it was more fun, like I liked it the more like in person interaction or.

00:06:04
Speaker 1: So wait a second, If so, you're you're not really dating, but I want to know, since gen season, is your approach to dating different? Yes, okay, so I'm not.

00:06:17
Speaker 4: So I've been focusing on communicating more because I don't know, like a layered individual that has a lot of emotions, and then I have to tell myself, like how do I articulate that right and the best way. So I've been focusing on first communication because I feel like communication is crucial for any sort.

00:06:32
Speaker 2: Of number one thing.

00:06:34
Speaker 4: It's just with anything in life with and in regards to partnership. And then also not the I realized because one of the beauties of going on and like you know, on national and television and doing this is you get it.

00:06:47
Speaker 3: You get it.

00:06:47
Speaker 4: It's like it's like watching like play you know what I'm saying, You're like, watch It's like I'm a football player looking back at some play tapement, like you know what?

00:06:53
Speaker 3: That is definitely not the boog. Oh my goodness. Oh yeah, it's like that is definitely not the move as far as.

00:06:59
Speaker 2: Like maybe I should have done that, right, Yeah.

00:07:03
Speaker 3: You know it's but hindsight's twenty twenty.

00:07:05
Speaker 4: But the point is is, like, how do I turn let's say that ell into a lesson and then like, I think the biggest takeaway I had from I guess fascin Nation and gen season is not to put so much pressure on these dates and on myself. You know, at the end of the day, I know, I'm like, like, I can you know, I have conversating all that stuff. I shouldn't just be like walking on the walking on limos saying you're my freaking wife. It's like it's at at that moment that's just me being Persian, Like what could I say, Like it's like one of my first life.

00:07:32
Speaker 3: How marriage woman?

00:07:33
Speaker 1: Wait a second, how important is it for you to marry someone with your similar background or and maybe you don't a marriage date I should have? You know, you don't have to jump the gun on marriage. Let's just start with dating.

00:07:45
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would stay with cultural background or having some sort of traditional uh type of values.

00:07:50
Speaker 3: Of course, you know that's how I was raised.

00:07:51
Speaker 4: I feel like whoever's going to click with me would have some similar values to that, you know, So I do think it's crucial, but that's just you know, it's just it's one of the attracted to you at the same time, right.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you think of the dating culture? I mean, it's so different from when Susan and I were dating, you know, I mean it was black and white TV and phones plugged into the wall.

00:08:12
Speaker 2: Have you ever been ghosted?

00:08:14
Speaker 4: No? So, like, uh, for me, I started company at a young age, right, So I started companying in nineteen and then I worked because that was kind of like the mentality, uh you were taught.

00:08:25
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then also it's kind of but it is a toxic masculine.

00:08:28
Speaker 4: It's very toxic, right to some extent, because I like deprived myself of going out, didn't see people or any of that stuff. And that's lore and behold that's why you think love version is such a great line on national television. This guy needs that more social interactions, yeah.

00:08:41
Speaker 3: And pretty much.

00:08:44
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I think nowadays what's really nice is we're putting there's a lot more emphasis on let's say mental health or like empathy for guys specifically and like being very communicative and not being set traditional like toxic type of way. And I think a lot like it's really nice, you know for me specifically, I I'm just in an era where it's I'm like learning day by day and taking a day by day.

00:09:12
Speaker 3: I'm not like in a rush too.

00:09:13
Speaker 1: Okay, so this is all very politically correct. You're doing a great job. Now are you dating someone?

00:09:20
Speaker 3: No?

00:09:20
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, so yeah, no, I'm for me, I do take a relationship serious. And that is one thing that was like I was authentic, like authentically myself to some extent, but it.

00:09:33
Speaker 3: Was exaggerated obviously, But that's that's the type of environment.

00:09:36
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, obviously the girl that I would you know, date is without putting as much pressure. I'm not putting a pressure like yeah it's a girl and married, but I have intentions that I want to do long term. You know what I'm saying, I'm not I and are Maybe our definitions of dating are different because the way I'm saying dating is like in a relationship, like this is the one girl I'm being exclusives.

00:09:57
Speaker 2: Some people dates, right, yeah, yeah, some people.

00:10:01
Speaker 4: Might define dating is like you know, you're like going around going out and seeing like different people. For me, when I when I when I define dating, it's it's about one person specifically.

00:10:10
Speaker 3: So whatever we want to come.

00:10:11
Speaker 2: You may go on a couple of different days you find the right person.

00:10:15
Speaker 1: Okay, what are your top three I'm just shooting from the handpair. What are the because you know it might be interesting. What are the top three qualities you look for in a woman that you'd be interested in dating. What are the three most important things?

00:10:29
Speaker 2: That's the first thing?

00:10:31
Speaker 4: Brazilian, Italian, Vietnamese.

00:10:33
Speaker 3: No, I'm kidding, it would be.

00:10:38
Speaker 1: It would be under the age of thirty. You're out, Go ahead, go ahead?

00:10:43
Speaker 3: How old are you guys? No, I'm kidding.

00:10:45
Speaker 4: Ambition is crucial for me. Ambition, good energy, I like that for me, Like good energy is the biggest priority. And having some sort of traditional values or cultural values and respect, right, I think those three are really What would be you have.

00:11:01
Speaker 2: To sit down with them to see all that. Like what attracts you to somebody that you want to learn more?

00:11:07
Speaker 3: It would be it would be the aura, right, how they hold themselves.

00:11:10
Speaker 2: And smiling, make an eye contact, things.

00:11:12
Speaker 3: Like like well, I'll be starry struck.

00:11:14
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Like I feel like if I saw a girl and I was like, you know, I like want, I want my head like turn twice.

00:11:21
Speaker 3: You know what I'm saying, Like I do get double tape. I say like, dang was that you know what I'm saying?

00:11:26
Speaker 4: And that's like that's that's that's all or and energy.

00:11:29
Speaker 3: I feel like, so how do you wait a minute?

00:11:31
Speaker 1: So you're saying you have to have that initial look, you know, seeing that person, you have to have that I you know what, don't keep those high standards, keep those high standards saying you don't ever don't settle.

00:11:53
Speaker 2: So I have a question. I have a question after coming off the show, what have you done differently for yourself learning to communicate and understanding what communication is all about? How did it change you or did it?

00:12:08
Speaker 3: Well?

00:12:08
Speaker 4: Yeah, no, it forced me to so I have ADHD so I like, don't we all it speeds.

00:12:17
Speaker 2: Up thinking I could get like the award.

00:12:20
Speaker 4: Yeah, And for me, I have focused on my pausing a lot more and thinking before I speak. You know, whether that's still involves with communicating or whatever, but that's been something I've been really trying to work on because I know my intentions are pure, you know, and I want to be like, how do I best represent Sam in a way that you know, I don't have to every defense or just be comfortable and be authentic with myself.

00:12:46
Speaker 2: And you don't think that way prior to going on? So that was.

00:12:50
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm conscious about today that I.

00:12:53
Speaker 3: Wasn't a year ago.

00:12:54
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that.

00:12:55
Speaker 1: How would you?

00:12:55
Speaker 3: So?

00:12:56
Speaker 1: I have so many questions if you were to do it again because your paradise or go on Paris, I don't know if you would would you do that?

00:13:06
Speaker 4: To be honest? Yeah, I love the bachfinations. As long as I'm single and I haven't been starstruck or whatever it is, I want to see why not? You know, I'm waiting for a starstruck moment?

00:13:15
Speaker 3: You know?

00:13:15
Speaker 1: Okay, well you're still waiting.

00:13:18
Speaker 2: Thing of sixty seven, I'm still waiting.

00:13:20
Speaker 3: Is that never gonna happen to me?

00:13:22
Speaker 1: Am?

00:13:22
Speaker 2: I just always going to be like, no, I want to be several times, it'll happen.

00:13:27
Speaker 1: When you least, if you're out there looking day after day. It's but I want to know how how do you approach if you're not on the dating maps?

00:13:35
Speaker 2: How do you have these young and handsomely they just go out.

00:13:40
Speaker 4: I also think like putting that pressure someone to put a ton of pressure on him.

00:13:45
Speaker 3: I think, you know, I got to marry you immediately coming out on the limo.

00:13:48
Speaker 4: I think also putting pressure on yourself when you're going out, like I have to find a husband, I have to go to church, I have to go to right, I.

00:13:54
Speaker 3: Have to you know, like wherever it.

00:13:56
Speaker 2: Is hell everything?

00:13:58
Speaker 1: Right? Wait, wait, wait, let me just say Susan and I have a much lower bar. We're looking for a guy who will let us go to happy hour and have a.

00:14:06
Speaker 4: Look for a six foot three Persian pounds.

00:14:09
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, where's your father, Sam, where's your father? He's five to six.

00:14:19
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, I was a chosen one coming out of the room. That's what my parents, Woul always said.

00:14:23
Speaker 2: So he's never ever been on the dating app. We used to be on them.

00:14:26
Speaker 3: No no, no, no, no no no.

00:14:28
Speaker 4: You gotta remember I grew up. I grew up with like hot or Not, right, that was like the dating app in like twenty thirteen, twenty twelve. It was Hot or Not and then it was Tinder and then it was bumble. I actually think from a product design standpoint, hinges like the best like application.

00:14:42
Speaker 1: That's when my son met his wife.

00:14:44
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's the app that's meant to be deleted.

00:14:47
Speaker 2: I think that's yes, Yes, I love that.

00:14:49
Speaker 3: Wait.

00:14:50
Speaker 1: Can I just say I am from Boston and I talked really quickly you with the award. What did you just say.

00:14:58
Speaker 2: The app that's meant to be deleted. That's him just saying that's there.

00:15:05
Speaker 4: Yeah, so I need to slow down. This is like, it's that's that's again.

00:15:09
Speaker 1: I know you're excited to be in the company of two beautiful, available women, but you can control yourself. There, Salem, this.

00:15:15
Speaker 4: Is my first conversation I had with with girls since jan.

00:15:22
Speaker 1: I will. I'm sure, what do you do? What your business was that you started when you were nineteen? What kind of business?

00:15:29
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:15:30
Speaker 4: So I first started with smog, but if I'm speaking at academia, I started a private equity firm.

00:15:34
Speaker 1: Oh excuse me, I know what that is. My husband was an investment banker.

00:15:39
Speaker 3: That's awesome. Yeah, so for me, I built and skilled.

00:15:41
Speaker 4: I started with smog smog something specific in California, yeah, missions, and then I got into audit repair. My actual background is in tech in SEO, and I just been doing that since twenty eighteen.

00:15:53
Speaker 3: You know, I do strap the website.

00:15:55
Speaker 1: So he's too busy. You're just too busy today. That's the real truth.

00:15:59
Speaker 4: No, to be honest, it was I was so focused on, like the truth be told.

00:16:05
Speaker 3: I don't want if this sounds talk whatever it is.

00:16:07
Speaker 4: I was just saying, like, you know what, I'm nineteen, twenty twenty one, I got a hustle. If I want to date like a high caliber girl, a high value girl. You know what I'm saying. That's really as bad as that sounds. That was how my mindset was.

00:16:19
Speaker 2: That was not a bad thing a bad thing.

00:16:21
Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's and that's where and that's where it led. Like for me, it was just like I'm going to grind and take this time now. And then the funniest thing is is that it's not like what girls want nowadays.

00:16:34
Speaker 3: Girls.

00:16:34
Speaker 4: I'm like an emotionally mature guy, and that'd be like that emotional immaturity aspect is at.

00:16:39
Speaker 2: Least emotionally available, you know, That's what I mean.

00:16:42
Speaker 3: That's what I mean emotionally, you see, this is what communicating is. That's what I meant.

00:16:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, that conversation, So what's the best part about being single?

00:16:52
Speaker 1: He gets the whole bed to himself.

00:16:55
Speaker 4: That that is that is actually like one of the biggest criterias for me is.

00:17:00
Speaker 1: Uh I do like having which is Wait a minute, if you found the girl, would you culturally is it okay? Would you move in with her before you're married?

00:17:08
Speaker 3: Uh?

00:17:09
Speaker 4: I'm thinking she comes, uh uh, I get the house and then my parents are her parents moving? You know what I'm saying that Are you seriously you guys want to do that now?

00:17:18
Speaker 1: I doubt if we don't have to wait, are you seriously talking about a multi generational living situation? Now?

00:17:25
Speaker 3: They have the full house? It would be a sitcom in that fan and like it would be camera.

00:17:29
Speaker 1: I definitely I would explain something to you. Girls don't want them, right the woman you choose is not going to want her parents or your parents changes dynamic.

00:17:41
Speaker 4: But for me, I'm a huge family guy. So whether they're during the same house, I'll just buy the house next door.

00:17:48
Speaker 3: That's a mentality.

00:17:49
Speaker 2: Do you live with your family now?

00:17:51
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:17:52
Speaker 4: Right now when I'm Carls, I'm here. Yeah, I also have a place in la as well.

00:17:56
Speaker 2: Oh maybe we could rent can right here, place here all the time.

00:18:00
Speaker 1: We need a place to rent? Is it available?

00:18:01
Speaker 3: It's down down I went to uh, I went to USC.

00:18:04
Speaker 1: So that's what though you understand, he's he's selling, Amy's going to give us we'll play all right, Listen, we lose family values though, I really do. And I want to know what's going to happen when you find the woman that is as uh as is incentivized to be successful as you are. Who's going to take care of the kids? And now have the answer your parents who are living next door.

00:18:28
Speaker 2: So wait, I have one question. Do you know what your love language is?

00:18:32
Speaker 1: Jesus? With the last I.

00:18:34
Speaker 4: Would say, uh, affirmation A cause of affirmation. I think for me, it's pulling me out of my head. You know, I get in my head a lot at moments, and that's why I here good energy, Like a lot of that stuff are like uplifting because I'm a very like environmentally based type of individuals.

00:18:51
Speaker 3: So if like my environment's very positive. Yeah, like the if I.

00:18:56
Speaker 4: Get the right girl behind me, the world is in for a real way.

00:19:02
Speaker 2: To man, you're not.

00:19:04
Speaker 1: Growing as yeah, Susan, Seriously, all right, Sam, what we do that happened a week week we give some advice. We have this advice segment and we're going to read some questions and then you're going to weigh in with us on the answers. Now, I watch you to be careful because everything that we say to people, they take it literally.

00:19:26
Speaker 2: They do it, write back back and tell us how it worked.

00:19:28
Speaker 1: Then. All right, so here goes the first one of your thoughts. This is from anonymous. Okay, Hi, Kathy, and Susan. I don't know what to do, and I'm hoping you can help. Say you're included in this. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and I really can't stand his gal pal. I met her when we first started dating and she really was not nice to me. Then it felt like she was always trying to bring things up that I couldn't really talk about, like trips they'd both been on in the past. She moved away for work, so that took care of that, but now she's moving back. My boyfriend knows I don't like her, so I'm not really worried about them hanging out one on one. But they're in the same friend group, so I know she'll be around. Any advice would be great. Thank you. What do you say, Sam?

00:20:19
Speaker 4: M hmm, this isn't interesting. It's a can of guy and girls be friends.

00:20:27
Speaker 1: Look at that right to the jugulary.

00:20:29
Speaker 3: That's that's what she's asking.

00:20:31
Speaker 4: I feel like, if your partner, truth be told, respected you enough, and actually had like immense love, this is from my subjective right. I would respect my partner and use you as a priority. So if I know that you don't like, say, say you don't like Susan right coming by or whatever, then I wouldn't have Susan come by.

00:20:53
Speaker 3: It's just one of.

00:20:53
Speaker 2: Those when she was there, you mean, or even in.

00:20:56
Speaker 4: General right, So it's one of those things I would have to talk with you Susan be like, hey, you know what's Susan?

00:21:00
Speaker 3: You're I'm pretty.

00:21:04
Speaker 1: Let me explain this to you. When Sam and I start dating, you're not coming around.

00:21:09
Speaker 3: Get it. It's a win.

00:21:11
Speaker 2: So is it okay for a guy to have a girlfriend, you know, just a friend like this, or a girl to have a guy friend. Would you be upset if you're I would.

00:21:23
Speaker 4: Say, of course that is But the I think really what the bigger issue here is that she doesn't like the girlfriend, right, So that's that's the issue here. And I think if that's the problem, if the boyfriend views you as a higher priority than the friend that's a girl, then he would basically respect your wishes.

00:21:40
Speaker 1: Yes, I think though that you get a very interesting point, Sam, which is does it breed in security? Of course, that's sort of the elephant in the room here. Is it really about insecurity? On where she stands with the boyfriend and worried that quote unquote the galpal is more or could become.

00:22:00
Speaker 2: More well and she brings up the things that they did together, the trips that they went on, and she wasn't involved at that.

00:22:06
Speaker 1: Right, I'm saying that the girlfriend might feel like, there's the galpal has.

00:22:11
Speaker 4: More definitely insecure, Like well, that's like I don't want to say she's insecure about the relationship, but you know, I think this is this is a very common thing, right, this is it's.

00:22:20
Speaker 3: A human nature.

00:22:21
Speaker 4: If they don't like it's something I feel like having to communicate with your partner, with the partner itself, and if he doesn't, if he's like yeah, I don't.

00:22:30
Speaker 1: Know, I think you make a conversation. It is a conversation. But Here's the thing I don't think. I don't think Anonymous. We don't know her name. Let's call her Susan. Why Susan cannot legislate that her boyfriend stops seeing the girl. You make the good point, Sam, that he has to be intuitive enough to want to make his partner happy. Therefore, uh, you know, maybe limiting the time he spends with with the galpal.

00:22:57
Speaker 2: And here comes Susan's advice. Yeah, I sit down with the girls. Sit sit down with the girl and say, what is your problem? She didn't like that, she didn't like the way she treated her. You know, maybe that would make things that would be right. I forgot sure, butter me up. Okay, Well, Anonymous, we wish you luck.

00:23:20
Speaker 1: Let us know what happens, and he needs.

00:23:22
Speaker 2: To step up to the plate if he cares that much.

00:23:25
Speaker 1: Advice, Sam, good advice.

00:23:26
Speaker 2: Okay, this is from Ashley. Hi, ladies and Sam, I really need your help. How do I get my boyfriend to talk about his feelings? Oh? We were just saying emotionally available, weren't we.

00:23:47
Speaker 1: Okay?

00:23:48
Speaker 2: It feels like every time I bring up a conversation that involves talking about how he feels, it's stiff and awkward. We've been together for a while, and it's not like we have these conversations often. I just feel like anytime I want to just check in on him and how he's doing, or I want to bring something up that's been bothering me, or whatever it may be, it always feels weird. He's never really been great at opening up, which is fine. That's bad. It's not fine, But I'm starting to get really frustrated. How can I get them to open up more?

00:24:26
Speaker 3: Is me?

00:24:27
Speaker 1: Or I mean, I was just going to say, I may have been up late writing these last night, but you know, go for what as I say.

00:24:36
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, what is it? Is it uncomfortable to say how you really feel? Or I think it's about a family, how you were brought up? Did your parents show emotion, did they show sadness? Did they show if something was upsetting them to their significance to their mother or father or vice versa.

00:24:57
Speaker 4: Yeah, I would also just the pity off that I would say repetition. Perhaps it might not be the answer she wants to hear, but I guarantee you, the more she talks to him, it's probably getting better each time.

00:25:12
Speaker 2: Is that how you would be that.

00:25:13
Speaker 4: I would that I'm answering for myself, you know, because the question is written about.

00:25:17
Speaker 1: Me, and you're doing a damn good job of answering. It's Sam.

00:25:24
Speaker 2: They want me to shut up about my feelings. I over express, I tell everything.

00:25:28
Speaker 1: But wait, don't you think culturally? You know, I don't know other than my French teacher in college, who I told you was Persian, who was as handsome as you are, I don't know that.

00:25:40
Speaker 3: I doubt it, but continue.

00:25:45
Speaker 1: But but I think in some cultures, you know, the men are brought up to be strong caretaker, cry you know, don't show emotions. So I think sometimes it's a learned behavior.

00:26:00
Speaker 3: It is.

00:26:01
Speaker 4: So that's what I was talking about before I was saying this. That's the beew at twenty twenty four. We're like the mental health and the like, you know, the emphasis on being empathetic and communicating.

00:26:09
Speaker 3: I think it's going to get better over time.

00:26:12
Speaker 4: So as she keeps answer and maybe asking the right questions instead of going so general, maybe she kind of like helps him to a point of how would she answer that if the question was reversed and kind of phrase it for him, And then maybe that might help.

00:26:28
Speaker 2: When she says, like, I want to just check in on him and see how he's doing a lot of members. I'm fine, I'm fine, but you can read it. You can feel a vibe.

00:26:37
Speaker 4: Well and as you ask like a girl like yeah, what do you want through? Like are you hungry? Now?

00:26:41
Speaker 3: I'm fine? Now it's the guys right.

00:26:45
Speaker 1: Well, and it's interesting here because she says he's never really Ashley says he's never been great to open up, which is fine, Well, clearly enough not fine with her.

00:26:55
Speaker 2: So she's just not that guy. He's not a communicator. Well, he can learn to be and she out himself anyhow to me and she says.

00:27:03
Speaker 1: It's fine that he doesn't hop up. It clearly is not fine.

00:27:06
Speaker 2: So actually can't get the word fine out of there, get fine, get on. You're frustrated, So how is that fun?

00:27:12
Speaker 1: Or you know what? Actually, actually listen, take it from me. If it's not working with your guy, this guy Sam that we're.

00:27:20
Speaker 2: Talking to, learn to communicate, learn to communicate, got empathy.

00:27:27
Speaker 4: We'll connect you with him, I'm telling.

00:27:31
Speaker 2: You, honey. We learn to the day we die. We learn till the day.

00:27:36
Speaker 1: Unfortunately, sometimes we have to learn the same lesson over and over again.

00:27:40
Speaker 2: That's called stuck on stupid.

00:27:43
Speaker 1: Before before we break care, wait, I have just a few more questions here, Susan. I want his eyebrows. You have the best eyebrows.

00:27:54
Speaker 2: Women would not like his teeth, A smile. You're a handsome man. You should not have a problem.

00:28:00
Speaker 1: I think I think he has been what's it called when you you know born?

00:28:05
Speaker 4: No?

00:28:05
Speaker 1: No, no, what's it called when you're you know you're ducking? You're saying, oh no, not what's the word? Anyway? I think you have women lined up. I think that door behind you, behind that door, I think are ten women.

00:28:18
Speaker 2: Wait, let them in answer the door, hands the door.

00:28:22
Speaker 1: I think sandbagging. That's it, you are sand bagging. I think there are ten women you've got to date. That whiteboard behind you, that's not a business No, no, no, that is not a business white board. I have now figured it out to all the women that you are dating when you have dates for them, so that you don't screw up and call Ashley season. That's what it is, all right.

00:28:43
Speaker 2: Tell me, though, if you're invited and you're not in a relationship to paradise, who if anybody would you like us for them to be there.

00:28:54
Speaker 1: Maybe we're going to be there.

00:28:55
Speaker 4: Maybe they like to the Golden crowd is.

00:29:00
Speaker 1: Love.

00:29:00
Speaker 3: You're kidding me, and that happen.

00:29:04
Speaker 2: When you have questions, you can come and we'll give you advice.

00:29:07
Speaker 4: We'll give you a literally what.

00:29:08
Speaker 3: I'm looking for.

00:29:09
Speaker 4: Uh, honestly, I've kept it. I've tried because I want to keep it as authentic as possible. I've actually haven't like dives super into the Bathroom Network like it's like weird, because it's like a Tinder basic of like any.

00:29:24
Speaker 2: They you get d M.

00:29:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, but for me, like, well I also made.

00:29:30
Speaker 2: Funny but we don't.

00:29:32
Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, not as far as uh women, you know.

00:29:36
Speaker 3: You get DMS. I promise you.

00:29:37
Speaker 1: No, we don't.

00:29:38
Speaker 2: No, we don't either.

00:29:41
Speaker 1: I don't know what wait, hold on here, if seriously, because some of the people on vaccination Women have slid into the guys and vice versa. If a woman, you know, maybe something from the show, maybe somebody else just looked you up and thought, oh god, he's a good looking guy. Liked his answers on Kathy and Susan's podcast, I'm Gonna DM. Would no, seriously?

00:30:02
Speaker 4: Would you respond yeah, of course, I feel like, uh, like that needs DMS, Like it depends on the type of d M, right, But if it's like a genuine authentic DM answer for me, that's like I give respect and respects to But as far as like, but as far as like whether that's going to turn into something, I feel like that's you know, I'm gonna be honest, it's just it's just here.

00:30:28
Speaker 1: Would you relocate? Would you move?

00:30:31
Speaker 4: Well, my businesses are here right in San Diego, so that's why I'm here. But as far as and I'm also I also grew up in Carls. I love Carls. Mad I would be some southern California. I always like that's like kind of like the best way to say, I'm always gonna be more so cal.

00:30:45
Speaker 3: I do want to go to East Coast and check it out.

00:30:47
Speaker 1: But from Phil never been to the East.

00:30:53
Speaker 4: I feel like my personality is a little bit more East.

00:30:55
Speaker 2: Coast, definitely. Definitely.

00:30:57
Speaker 1: I'm from Boston and Susan's from phil.

00:31:01
Speaker 4: Philly, Jersey.

00:31:05
Speaker 1: Oh I love it, really, come on, come on Boston. Clearly you did not major in geography.

00:31:11
Speaker 3: My major computer science.

00:31:13
Speaker 2: I'm about two hours from New York an hour and a half from the beach in Jersey.

00:31:17
Speaker 1: Massachusetts is about a three hour drive to New York City Philly to Boston's about a five hour drive. Probably it's a little bit.

00:31:24
Speaker 4: I gave you the most Carls Back California answer you only, that's the most West Coast answer.

00:31:30
Speaker 2: What if you would you ever entertain a long distance relationship?

00:31:35
Speaker 4: Most definitely if it's someone I like, that's just it's it's it's just my.

00:31:39
Speaker 2: Person, that one that turned your head and she had.

00:31:41
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying. I feel like loyalty itself.

00:31:45
Speaker 4: The way this is like the way I define love, you know, is it's like unconditional love is what you're like animals or your pets.

00:31:55
Speaker 3: So when I see, like, let's.

00:31:56
Speaker 4: Say my dog, and I see another dog out in public, I'm always thinking my dog, right, So I'm like, how do I find that kind of like love for a partner?

00:32:05
Speaker 3: You know? But is it?

00:32:06
Speaker 1: Sam? Sam? Trust me when I tell you the woman that you're going to fall in love with is going to be a very different love than the love you feel for your animal.

00:32:19
Speaker 2: And that is for the.

00:32:24
Speaker 3: Clips right there. Not it could be like that, but no of course no.

00:32:28
Speaker 1: My daughter and her husband they have a boxer, and when they got this dog and before they have one child, now before they have that child, my daughter came to me, she goes, Mom, I'm so worried. How am I going to love a child? I do this as much as I love this dog. And after I picked myself up, you know, go fawing on the floor, laughing, I said, Caitlin, trusts me, when that baby is born, you'll have the answer to that question. And I still they still.

00:32:58
Speaker 2: Say that about a second to how am I gonna love your heart? Not their child?

00:33:04
Speaker 3: Daughter's name?

00:33:08
Speaker 1: How do you think the kindergartener is going to learn to spell that? You can't do that to a child?

00:33:12
Speaker 3: Why do you think I go by Sam?

00:33:14
Speaker 4: I only saw him on it, you know I went through Anyways.

00:33:19
Speaker 2: We're gonna have to do this again. We love talking to you.

00:33:22
Speaker 3: You are.

00:33:24
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, and we'll probably see you in paradise baby.

00:33:29
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, and yeah, well we're hoping. So we're going to give you all the advice you want and a lot that you don't want. But thank you for joining us. Everyone be sure to follow us on Bachelor Happy Hour. Because if you like this episode with Sam, you got to see who's coming out. Every week we Havebulous too.

00:33:49
Speaker 2: I actually need to tell them again where to submit the questions.

00:33:52
Speaker 1: Do you think they get it? I know, Sam? Can you tell you where to submit questions?

00:33:55
Speaker 4: Do you know Bachelor Nation.

00:34:00
Speaker 3: Nation slash No, You're.

00:34:02
Speaker 2: Close, Bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour or.

00:34:07
Speaker 4: Yeah, bas Bachhornation dot com slash Golden Hour.

00:34:12
Speaker 2: You heard it from Sam?

00:34:14
Speaker 1: Or you can hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. So listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or whereever you listen to podcasts.

00:34:24
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you so much. We enjoyed you every honest this is it was.

00:34:29
Speaker 3: It was my pleasure.

00:34:29
Speaker 2: Thank you.

00:34:30
Speaker 3: You guys are super easy to talk with.

00:34:32
Speaker 2: Good