195 | Session Savvy: Avoiding Detours from the Child-Centered Model

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy and practical support and application for

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your work with children and their families.

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Ok, y'all. So

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we have finished the summer school series

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and I was ready to go back to some curriculum content,

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which I planned out like two years ago.

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So I've been working from my outline of curriculum. Ok.

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So there really is a method to the madness, I promise.

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However,

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here's what

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I lie awake at night. No, I really don't. I sleep well.

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But if I were to lie awake at night, this is what I'd be thinking about.

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I watch

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tons and tons of therapist play sessions as part of my coaching.

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And I keep seeing consistency

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across what's taking place in play sessions

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all over the world from all educational backgrounds.

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It doesn't matter if it's social work. LMHCs

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LMFTs psychologists from every educational background

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all over the world.

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I'm seeing these common threads of things that are happening in play sessions

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and they're not fully adherent to CCPT.

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So I was processing that and I was like, you know what,

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there's always going to be curriculum.

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I think this is a little bit more of a priority. So we're diving into another series.

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I promise it'll be just as worthwhile as the summer school series was.

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But we're going into the Session Savvy series. Say that three times fast.

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I like alliterative things.

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Can you tell Summer School series Session Savvy series.

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All right. Here's what we're doing.

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I'm going to hit

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some issues that I see emerging in sessions and we're going to talk through

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why we don't want to do those things and what we can do instead.

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So it's not necessarily that we're

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seeing huge deviations from child centeredness.

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It's just sometimes a word choice or a very subtle nuance that

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has a different outcome than what we really want it to.

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So we have to be mindful of those things.

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So that's where we're going in this next series. The Session Savvy series.

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I want you all to be Savvy. That's the moral of the story.

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Before we get into that though. I want to read an email that I received

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and I always ask permission when I get something like

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this to share it and I was given permission.

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Joy in Australia. Thank you so much for first writing.

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But second of all, letting me read this to everyone.

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Y'all, I cannot tell you how meaningful it is to me

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to hear what CCPT is doing in your lives

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and to hear what this podcast has meant for you

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to hear the changes that you have implemented as a result of falling in love with CCPT

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it

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honestly, it fills me up to

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the brim and overflows me and I was actually talking to Eric, my husband tonight,

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we were in the car and I was like,

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do you know what a challenge it is to communicate from the other side of a mic?

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How much

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you all mean to me, I was struggling to

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process the notion of helping you all to understand

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how deeply I care for you all and how much you all mean to me.

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And so we're brainstorming ways that we're gonna try to make that

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a little more evident and clear on a semi frequent basis.

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So

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stay tuned for that.

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But I honestly,

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I hope that you hear it and sense it and know

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it and believe it in the depth of your beings.

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You all truly mean so much to me and the fact that you all care so deeply about CCPT

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and your kids and your families and your clients and your practice

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and your craft.

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It,

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it's just

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the most incredible feeling for me and I hope

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it's an incredible feeling for you because y'all,

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you don't know this

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because you just listen to me.

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But because I'm the one getting the emails and the

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texts and the collective people and the coaching participants.

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CCPT is a force to be reckoned with in the play therapy space.

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Let me just tell you and it's only going to keep getting bigger

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and you all are so committed and so adherent and so bought in

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and this is going to be a thing y'all. So anyway, let me read the email.

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I could go on about how much I love you all day.

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So let's try to curb this and, and get to the point.

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All right.

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So my name is Joy and I'm in Australia.

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I wanted to reach out and say a big thank you to you in your Play Therapy Podcast.

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A

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little about me. I graduated from my master's program two years ago.

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All right, here. This is, this is the most impactful sentence of the whole email.

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Thank you for helping me gain insight into my play therapist identity.

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Is that not

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the most incredible phrase

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to find your play therapist identity?

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And then she goes on to say, I'm proud to say that I am a CCPT play therapist.

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I'm so proud of that too. And it is an identity.

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This is what we have found

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in CCPT

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and inherent to the theoretical model, we have a play therapist identity.

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You don't have an identity

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when you're all over the map, you don't have an identity.

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When you have no theoretical foundation,

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you don't have an identity when you're eclectic,

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you only form an identity when you are all in on one thing.

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And your play therapist identity is CCPT

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Joy, that sentence just made me smile to the depth of my being. Ok.

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So let me continue with the email.

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To be honest,

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I once found it quite overwhelming to realize

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how many different play therapy modalities exist.

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And to acknowledge that I hadn't trained in all of them,

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I felt inadequate and a bit lost.

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Although I was eager to attend various play therapy trainings to enhance my skills.

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I felt wobbly without a solid foundation.

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However, when I had the opportunity to work with a traumatized child,

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reflecting on my learning,

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reinforced my belief that CCPT is a strong foundation for play therapy.

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Given that my training primarily focused on this approach,

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I'm glad that I firmly upheld my theoretical approach,

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even though I'm currently only practicing play therapy.

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One day a week, I've already witnessed the remarkable impact of CCPT.

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Thank you again for your inspiration.

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I have so much to share with you as a beginner play therapist

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and she's attending the conference in Australia where I'm speaking in November.

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So Joy, I can't wait to meet you. I'm so excited to see you in person

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and y'all how many of you all and you know, just raise your proverbial hand

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or yell yes, emphatically to the mic. I don't really care. But

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what,

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what I think goes on and why I'm reading this and

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sharing Joy's email is this is so many of our experience.

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We so desperately want to be trained and we so desperately want to

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feel confident and we want to get all the education that we can.

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And so we're taking all of this information in

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and it leaves us feeling inadequate, lost and wobbly without a solid foundation.

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But guess what CCPT provides the solid foundation

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and we fall back on its tenets and its principles and its theory

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because we know that it works.

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And once you land there and you say

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I'm all in on this,

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you find your play therapist identity.

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So incredible Joy. Thank you so much. And thanks for letting me read that to everyone

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and I'm sure all of you are nodding your head because I've heard your stories too.

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And this is why

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the Play Therapy Podcast exists because we go back to the basics,

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we go back to classic theoretical knowledge

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and that serves as the basis upon which we do everything

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and then we have our footing, we have our grounding, we know what we're doing.

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All right.

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So speaking of grounding footing and knowing what we're doing,

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let's make sure that we're savvy in our sessions, right?

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So what we're going to talk through today and this, this might seem a bit

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like I'm going after the

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people who work in the schools out there and I promise you,

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I'm not because you're not the only ones that do this,

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but you are primarily the ones that do this.

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So I promise there will be other things that have

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nothing to do with working in the school system.

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But if you are in the school, if you have been in the school,

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if you're a former teacher, if you're a former school counselor,

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if you've been a daycare worker, if you've been a preschool teacher,

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if you have served in any

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capacity of working with young children

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in an academic setting,

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this might be something that you're doing in the playroom and

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not even aware of it because the sessions that I've watched

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with my coaching participants that do this once I brought it up, they were like,

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oh my gosh, I didn't even realize I was doing that.

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So it's a muscle memory thing more often than not.

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And it's not even in your awareness.

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And sometimes the things that get us in the playroom

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are the things we're not even aware that we're saying and doing.

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So, that's why we're going through this Session Savvy series. All right.

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So if you are a person that came out of the academic environment

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or academic training background,

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you might refer to yourself in third person in the playroom.

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So what that would look like is I actually today watched a session video

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and one of my coaching participants referred to

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herself in third person in the playroom.

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And I was like, oh my goodness, you're such a school person.

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Ok.

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Not a dig on school people. It's just the way that you were trained.

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So you have to untrain yourself. Right? You're kind of

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de-wiring your brain.

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So what that looks like is if I'm in a play session with a child,

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I would say

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you want Miss Brenna to do that for you

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when the child says, will you

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grab the Nerf gun for me?

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Because they're holding eight other weapons and they have no hands.

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So they're asking me to grab the nerf gun.

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So rather than saying,

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oh, you're asking me to get that for you or you're choosing for me to help

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or you need me to get that.

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I would say you want Miss Brenna to do that for you?

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All right. So here's why

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we have to break ourselves of this habit. And if you're guilty,

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you don't know what you don't know. And so there's no shame or blame.

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It's just mindfulness and awareness moving forward, catch yourself, doing it

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and train yourself to speak about yourself in first person. Here's why

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we know how important the relationship is

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and we know how deep the connection becomes.

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And when we are in a play session,

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we work really hard to make sure that we refer to the child by their name

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and in first person,

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how often do we try to work in the child's name in sessions?

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Because we want them to know that our focus and our attention and our energy

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is fully engaged with them.

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So if I'm working with

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Alex, for example,

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at certain points in the session,

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I might say Alex, you did it

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right, because I'm trying to communicate the importance

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of the connection and the relationship and that we are in that together.

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We would never ever refer to a child in third person

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unless

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the child has already referred to themselves as

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someone other than themselves in that moment.

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So if they're playing a role, if they're assuming a character,

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if they told you that they're the

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army leader, for example, so they're no, it's no longer Alex anymore.

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It's the army commander.

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That's a different story.

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But until we're given that cue that it's no longer the child,

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we would never refer to Alex as

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third person.

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It would always be you.

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Similarly, it should always be I

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or me

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because we need that 1 to 1 connection and third person creates distance.

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This is why we see a shift from first

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person to third person in children's play sometimes,

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which by the way, that's going to be another

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topic in this Session Savvy series. So I'm not going to go too deeply into that yet.

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I promise we'll get there.

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But

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when you see the shift from third person to first person, that's significant

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because the child is owning that and it's becoming very real.

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So when we refer to ourselves as third person,

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there's almost a distance that's created.

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There's a disconnect that's there

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because they're in the room with you. And if you don't refer to yourself as I or me,

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it seems like you're separating from what's happening

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between the two of you in that moment.

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Listen to the difference.

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You want me to grab that for you.

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You want Miss Brenna to get that,

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do you? There's just a whole different vibe, right?

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And most of the time from the therapist that I've watched their videos,

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they are not cognizant of doing it.

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It's just so ingrained because in the academic world in elementary schools,

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daycares, preschools, middle schools, everyone is Mr or Miss.

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So everyone gets referred to as Mr or Miss even when

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if the person's right in the room,

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right?

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So this is just a pattern of behavior,

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something that gets conditioned and it's a habit

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of which many people are not paying attention. So

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I just want to let you know that we always need to be using first person

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when we're talking about ourselves for the connections sake,

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for the relationships sake and for the shared experience

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and it would be an inadvertent separation, an inadvertent disconnect.

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But we still don't want that division

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to be a part of our play sessions because we know how important the connection is.

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All right.

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So I hope that that's helpful for you all for those

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of you that refer to yourself in the third person,

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not a dig and encouragement to be mindful of it and change that.

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And so as I'm going through these,

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if you are listening to these in order and you're going, wow,

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that is absolutely something I do.

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Oh, that's something I do too. I promise it's not directed at you.

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These are universal. That's why we're talking about them.

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If I only saw this with one person, I wouldn't have included it in this series.

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It's something that I see consistently all the time. So you're in good company.

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It's just something that we need to be aware of and work to make sure

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that what we're saying is creating the outcome that we want

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and is aligned with the principles of CCPT

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and the principles of CCPT are relationship, relationship, relationship.

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So everything's going to go back to that.

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All right, y'all, thank you so much for hanging out with me each week.

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I hope that you've been enjoying the mostly daily questions.

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We have a ton more coming at you this week.

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So as much as possible, I'm gonna bang out these questions.

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If you would like to email me with a question,

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please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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If you wanna share your story, you wanna reach out just to say hello,

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you want to fill me in on whatever's going on in your life.

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You know how much I love hearing from y'all.

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You can also call the hotline if you have a question 813-812-5525.

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Have a lovely week. We'll talk again soon. Love you all. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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brenna Hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.