Defying Expectations | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. We're so excited to be back again, Katy, thanks for joining us.

00:00:15
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I am so excited. But can we just talk for a minute about exhaustion. Before we are going to answer your fan questions, we want you to submit them. We love reading them.

00:00:29
Speaker 1: It's so easy.

00:00:30
Speaker 2: It's easier than getting a plane back to the States from Saint Martin. All you have to do is go to Bachelor nation dot com slash Golden Hour and submit away. Send us your questions, your comments or updates.

00:00:45
Speaker 1: Take it away, maybe all of it. We want all of it and the updates, especially because when you're writing these questions, we love answering them. We love giving advice, but we always are curious how you made out. Definitely do that for us, and just remember you can also dm us on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour. All right, Kathy, let's start with hometowns. Oh my goodness, what did you think of this week's hometown?

00:01:13
Speaker 2: Okay, first of all, the best thing starting with Juliana and her dad Carl, who I actually loved, but I did you just got did you get home?

00:01:25
Speaker 1: Hoick?

00:01:26
Speaker 2: Go Newt and go Boston? I was the accent. When people say to me, oh, I can tell you from Boston. I want a clip of this episode just to play them and say, no, no, this is a Boston accent. Carl has a Boston accent. I just loved it, though. I mean, you're the Italian, so you got to weigh in on this about how Italians. But I thought they were so welcoming.

00:01:48
Speaker 1: They were one two. They were we are That's how we are. They eat, they gather, and I loved that he accepted and he liked them. Yeah, what did you think? Though?

00:01:58
Speaker 2: I had to laugh when they at the pizza store and they bring home four pizzas. I'm like, there's a crowd of like sixty there. I'm sure those four pizzas went far. But you know it's funny because I wish they had shown just me being me. I wish they had shown more of Newton, more of Boston. I just wish they had, you know, had a nice date other than just going to a local pizza place and try to spin pizzas.

00:02:21
Speaker 1: But you know, I think she's very happy. She's giddy, like, yeah, she doesn't want to get hurt. I mean, when I said it was the first time in seven years she's brought a guy home, I know, And I watched it thinking, oh, are you going to get hurt? I don't know, So we move it on each date. I kept looking for that moment that tells us right, yeah, the modeling with Zoe and all that was cool and she is a beautiful, beautiful girl and not feeling that one.

00:02:55
Speaker 2: Well, we'll get to her, but but I just want to know. On of course, I told you Juliana is my hometown girl. I still think it's going to be Latia. But I loved the way they really welcomed him, and I think that meant a lot to him, because this is a guy that seems to really care about family and what he Yeah, and did you hear him say Juliana I think said to her dad, you know he's my guy. We were aligned and they feel safe with each other. I mean, those things really matter, and and you know the previews, he says, he's really struggling. I'm going out on a limb here. I think he's going to be struggling between Juliana and Litia. All right, let's move on to to Zoe. Wait one more? Thanks? Did you wait? But did you hear him tell her I started this. He said to Juliana, I'm falling for you. It could be a fit. And Juliana said she'd let down her walls. So and when he kissed her goodbye, it was not a.

00:03:59
Speaker 1: Wasn't a pack, No, it was good kids. Yeah, it's not the one I wanted. I like her.

00:04:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, so let's go to Zoe who it's definitely not the one. But I don't think it's Zoe. I would be surprised. I think she's lovely, she's got a great life. She's very strong, and he likes that about her. I think Zoe's beautiful.

00:04:20
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

00:04:21
Speaker 2: I think doing a wedding photo shoot, I do not think that was a good idea. I mean, just for does anyone think that was the good idea to do a wedding photo shoot? Wait?

00:04:35
Speaker 1: Do you remember when they tied the knot? Who was that that tied the knot?

00:04:40
Speaker 2: Latia?

00:04:41
Speaker 1: Latia? Yeah that was so. I remember when Joan and Escale? Yeah I remember that.

00:04:50
Speaker 2: Well, wait a minute, do you when they did, like, they didn't just do a wedding shoot, they did a proposal. They did she came out in a wedding draw.

00:04:59
Speaker 1: I have how she was posing. She's a fabulous She's a beautiful model.

00:05:03
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. I think everything you're saying is right. She's a beautiful model. However, Grant did say you could see he felt it was a little bit weird to be doing a photo shoot with an engagement ranging the whole nine yards. I mean, just practice Grant really and I think it was foreshadowing. I think you know he's scared. It was like, what the hell, why are we doing this? He said that he was so proud of her for doing being modeling. I didn't see him talking about them at all. It was, Oh, she's a great model. You know, she's beautiful, she's so good at her craft. Kind of thing that was. It was almost like it was there was I didn't feel anything other than damn, I look, I wish, but don't you look like she does in a wedding gown?

00:05:49
Speaker 1: God? I mean, you are beautiful. If you're listening to this.

00:05:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you are absolutely gorgeous. Love it, but I don't see it happening. Okay, my most.

00:05:59
Speaker 1: Favorite dat or do you want to go to Dina?

00:06:02
Speaker 2: Uh, let's go to Let's.

00:06:06
Speaker 1: Wear for Dina? Her parents didn't come. They refused to come. Okay, I don't remember that her dad was a religious man.

00:06:16
Speaker 2: I didn't catch I don't think that's what it is necessarily, I think. But can I just say to you, I think that's what we call a red herring. Again, I don't know why I go out on limbso I'm talking to you about this stuff. I just tell you what I really think, because I figured nobody else is listening. Just I'm just telling Susan here. But I think that, uh, that is that was just a red herring. I don't think her parents been there had anything to do with it. I think for her to send her home, well, it may have put a thorn in it. But I'm saying I didn't see the connection. I saw her and him as companions. As you know, he trusted in her, he believed she was saved sage advice. Yeah, he was impressed of all that. And you know she was the one that talked about Carolina and he listened to what she said. But again, no no connection. But I don't think.

00:07:08
Speaker 1: He said like them both.

00:07:10
Speaker 2: But but I don't think he sent her home because her parents weren't there.

00:07:14
Speaker 1: I think I don't think that's the main reason. But that was a sour start. But I was feeling I felt so bad for her.

00:07:24
Speaker 2: Oh I did too.

00:07:25
Speaker 1: That's embarrassing. It's it's like, but you have to respect your parents' wishes.

00:07:31
Speaker 2: Well, I don't whether she respects the wishes or not. She was there with you know, her friends.

00:07:35
Speaker 1: I wonder if she went home and said, thanks a lot because of you.

00:07:39
Speaker 2: She probably went home and said, you know what, he sent me home.

00:07:42
Speaker 1: He married.

00:07:44
Speaker 2: That's right, because you didn't and they said, and they probably said to her, no, we knew it was going south. That's why we didn't show up. I mean, that is a no. That's a no win for anybody. But I let's talk about Latilla going to Wyoming. Can I just say the big the big thing in that room.

00:08:00
Speaker 1: I put it on my bucket list, cath I gotta go there. Oh it was so beautiful.

00:08:04
Speaker 2: We're gonna go and ride horses. I'm gonna go skiing. You can ride horses, you and faith faith. If you're listening, Susan's coming to ride horses with the no never happening.

00:08:14
Speaker 1: I mean, and I love the people the Mormons deal.

00:08:18
Speaker 2: It's not an issue no.

00:08:20
Speaker 1: I love that. Oh my god, here it comes, here it comes. And they all were open. He is a man of faith, That's all that mattered.

00:08:28
Speaker 2: He did say to her and about Juliana, and again I'm paraphrasing here. He said about Letia, she would make a great wife and mother, and that has been his parade, you know, lyric about family.

00:08:40
Speaker 1: And I think that's why her family loved that part. She is so pure, that smile of hers, and she's so falling for him.

00:08:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, I see the music. I don't know who does the music, whoever, who's ever the music? Good job, a great job, really a good job. You can use that term for so many things. That's an inside joke. They both seem so genuinely happy. And I love that Grant opened up about his own mother's strict religious beliefs. He seems comfortable with her. I think he seems, Oh I've been Oh no, you're now you're doing turncoat again on me. You kept saying Juliana and you'll get gold.

00:09:31
Speaker 1: I like, I don't know who he picks, but after this and she will not sleep with him on the overnights? Did you hear say that? Uh?

00:09:43
Speaker 2: I don't have she will or won't. I mean, I've heard.

00:09:47
Speaker 1: That her faith. And she also said that would be difficult if he sleeps with other women.

00:09:53
Speaker 2: Well, he's a man and she's got some pretty women, and you know, get over at Ladia, it's happening. Forgive him, start playing father, Forgive him for he know not what he did.

00:10:05
Speaker 1: He knew not what he did.

00:10:08
Speaker 2: Okay. So the other thing I wondered though, is how Grant's family would fit into the Mormon faith. I have friends who are who are Mormon. Literally, I mean they they it's people. They're good people, but I think the most I think they'll I think they.

00:10:30
Speaker 1: Such a doll baby, I didn't look like any of them.

00:10:34
Speaker 2: Well, wait, did you hear him tell Lettia's mother that he's falling in love? He said that he hasn't said that to any That's why saying these little things.

00:10:44
Speaker 1: Well, the way he looks at her and she looks at him, she feels him.

00:10:49
Speaker 2: Okay, I can't believe said hopeful, hopeful. Okay, So y'all need to hear. Susan and I were the other night and Susan was saying, we were talking about, you know, those things in life in general, and soon said, oh, you know me, Kathy, I'm just a hopeless romantic. And I said, no, Susan, you are a hopeful romantic. So we're now coining that Susan is not a hopeless romantic. She is a romantic.

00:11:16
Speaker 1: I'm just here.

00:11:18
Speaker 2: That's it's coming this year for both of us. And so it was the taxman on April fifteenth. Okay, wait, I can't believe you didn't bring up Wait, I cannot. I was. I was waiting for you to do it because you know, I thought this was in your wheelhouse, but you didn't. So I'm taking it over Letilla's grandfather. Oh god, I.

00:11:38
Speaker 1: Kid Susan, what happened?

00:11:40
Speaker 2: I was like, I was up about his wife and how much they I thought, is this this is family who knows what love is? They wouldn't want to be a part of that? Who would not want to be part of that? I was just like you said, that whole hometown was perfect. Do you wait?

00:12:00
Speaker 1: I didn't care for Kathy. Can we be honest, dear.

00:12:03
Speaker 2: Tell me the horses no, no.

00:12:06
Speaker 1: No, no no. Every time he goes to leave them and they know he's going to the next woman. Yeah, it's not a warm and fuzzy goodbye. He's quick, little kiss and off he goes next.

00:12:20
Speaker 2: Well, mishopeful, romantic. He didn't have time to do a friend a stare, dip and bow and makeout session. You know, the car's waiting times running, money's time. Spend a minute with them before you leave? Wait? Can I also wait the one? I got to get back to Grandpop's here for a minute because I was crying. I've hung around you too long, as Susan, I permitted, some.

00:12:41
Speaker 1: It is sentimental.

00:12:44
Speaker 2: I am becoming. I am well. No, I've always been sentiment. I just don't show it as easily easy to do, he said, were you can work out anything with love, and that kind of love that they had never goes away.

00:12:58
Speaker 1: Yes, no, I just.

00:12:59
Speaker 2: I just made me cry. You could see how much he missed his wife, and so you know she The other thing I want to say about Letia, she says. The depth of what she says to him. She said she wants to give him everything. Fam I'm getting goosebumps again.

00:13:17
Speaker 1: I'm family. I want to marry them, plug it away.

00:13:20
Speaker 2: Oh Jesus, Okay, Grant and Litia, should you be the lucky too? I want to be the mc at your wedding, and Susan wants to be the officia make it happen. Wait, the last thing though, that she said they both told each other. Did you hear that they're falling in love with each other? Yes, So let me just say Grant it's got in mind that.

00:13:40
Speaker 1: A lot for her.

00:13:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Grant's kind of a big problem if he doesn't choose her. I mean, he's got a big problem anyway, because he's told he's told uh Juliana that he's fall in love with her too, And in the previews he's telling Jesse that he's in love with two women. That's what I think. I mean, these other two or just wallpaper right now, they're on well, I mean they're lovely women, and Zoe's beautiful and so is so is Dina. But you know they're just.

00:14:10
Speaker 1: So Zoey's They're all going to go in the Wait then I'll buy you.

00:14:16
Speaker 2: I'll buy you a new capsule wardrobe. If he doesn't send Zoe home if she's not next.

00:14:23
Speaker 1: I agree, I agree, that's how I feel. Any I would be quite surprised.

00:14:28
Speaker 2: I just I think he's I think he's a great guy. But you know, we have to remember I sit here watching the show, and I have to remember that these are young adults. They haven't had enough life experiences yet, so I could see they're in love with two.

00:14:46
Speaker 1: I mean, I couldn't have Has Latia ever been in love?

00:14:50
Speaker 2: I didn't ask her when I called it.

00:14:51
Speaker 1: It was quite some time before since she brought anybody around the family. I remember hearing that, but Juliana said, I know.

00:15:00
Speaker 2: Juliana was like she had brought somebody home in seven years. I don't remember the saying that. But again, you know, this is one of these things where I go back to to Leslie and Theresa on our show, like, remember you and I talked about this. We were glad that we didn't make it to the end because who wanted.

00:15:19
Speaker 1: To be kind a heartbreaking place to be.

00:15:21
Speaker 2: What a horrible heartbreak, you know, because you.

00:15:24
Speaker 1: Open yourself, you've become vulnerable. Yeah, and then you believe him.

00:15:29
Speaker 2: Well, I would believe if a guy tells me, If if a man tells me he's in love with me, why would you not believe that?

00:15:36
Speaker 1: Right?

00:15:38
Speaker 2: Unless he's got his phone list out and there's ten other women that he's dial called the bachelor? Why because he remains the bachelor. That's why it should be you know, first first time wedding or something. I don't know, but I think it's I think it's a great show. I frankly am ready for Zoe to go home, not because I don't like her.

00:16:03
Speaker 1: I think she's lovely, Zoe. I think you're lovelyhead version.

00:16:07
Speaker 2: I think you are an incredible model, and I would focus on that some man will sweep you off your feet and you will be wearing that white wedding gown for the man of your dreams. But I just don't see it for one minute being grand. So I can't wait. So next week it's.

00:16:21
Speaker 1: Going to break my heart between the two. In my world Zoe left. Yeah.

00:16:27
Speaker 2: Oh, in my world, it was always boiled down to those two.

00:16:31
Speaker 1: This be good.

00:16:39
Speaker 2: Okay, Susan, it's time to get into the episode.

00:16:43
Speaker 1: Here we go.

00:16:44
Speaker 2: We're going to start with my favorite day.

00:16:49
Speaker 1: Here we go.

00:16:50
Speaker 2: All right, what advice Susan, would you give young women who are dealing with gossip, rumors and all things? Mean girls? Oh? How much can we talk about this? Oh?

00:17:04
Speaker 1: My god? I could start with just raising my kids, my daughter, what she went through and to be honest, Kathy, you and I on the internet, people are mean. If everybody was kind, it would be a well.

00:17:16
Speaker 2: Not everybody's mean. And I will say to you, let me tell you how I deal with it, and the advice I would give to young women I've had. And You're right, Susan, We've both had a lot of people write just mean ass comments to us. Usually ignore them because you know what, if you ignore them, they go away.

00:17:36
Speaker 1: But very occasionally I will address it.

00:17:40
Speaker 2: And somebody wrote something so mean the other day about you and me and our friendship, and I wrote back to them, Susan and I have such a great relationship, we are such good friends. I hope someday you find a friendship like Susan's in mine. And in the meantime, I have a great day. It was same person that said that I need a news job.

00:18:08
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, that's a first.

00:18:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm just saying people can be mean. My advice though, first of all young women.

00:18:15
Speaker 1: Takes harder for young women, but I wouldn't We're seasoned. If you will, okay, it.

00:18:20
Speaker 2: Shouldn't be hurt. Feelings are hurt feelings about young people. My advice to them is ignore it first and foremost ignore it because people are either jealous, they're angry about something else. It's typically about them, not about you. It's the point.

00:18:37
Speaker 1: When someone's spreading a rumor. I think that would be harder than just hearing mean things. When someone spreads a rumor, you're going to think people are believing this thing, you know whatever.

00:18:48
Speaker 2: And you know what, Susan, You're right, some people are going to believe it.

00:18:51
Speaker 1: But guess what.

00:18:53
Speaker 2: We can only control our own reactions to things. We can't make people think a certain way. We can't make people behave.

00:19:02
Speaker 1: A certain way.

00:19:03
Speaker 2: All we can do is control our own behavior and do the best we can to control our own thoughts.

00:19:08
Speaker 1: I got to give you a story. Okay, I was thirteen years old. I don't know if I ever shared this with you. I was never allowed to go to the splash party they were called at the pool because there was a live music and it was for teenagers. So I turned thirteen and I wanted to go. Mind you, I developed in the chest area very late. I used to pray to God, I want.

00:19:31
Speaker 2: Wait a minute, wait a second, I don't believe that. Yeah, it was this happened to you overnight.

00:19:36
Speaker 1: Overnight, Kathy, and I did, I must, I must, I must improve my bust. You know all those exercises we used to cry to my dad.

00:19:43
Speaker 2: We must develop our bost the bigger, the betters. We must, we must, we must.

00:19:49
Speaker 1: So anyhow, I'm finally allowed to go to this thing. I am so excited. And the development was starting. I mean it came overnight. Like I said, I went into the bathroom at the splash party and it said, Susan Vocolo stuffs. I was wordified. What well you do? MENO me right? Please tell me you did not pull down your baby. I don't think before I do things. A lot of times I came out I'm burst open the top of my baby to cry my eyes out, to show everybody I was not stuffing, and then called my mother crying hysterical and come get me. Now.

00:20:32
Speaker 2: Let me just say to the young women out there, don't Susan. Let me just say give you one word of advice here, don't.

00:20:40
Speaker 1: Hey, it worked, it worked, it, but he believed I stuffed anymore because there they were.

00:20:46
Speaker 2: And that was your golden life, to make sure that people did not know.

00:20:50
Speaker 1: Can you imagine walking in and reading something about yourself and it was. It was mortifying, and it's.

00:20:55
Speaker 2: No worse than for a good time, going in to a bathroom stall for a good time, call Kathy when my phone number. No.

00:21:03
Speaker 1: Seriously, though, it does hurt, and it does thing, and women are girls. Don't let it get the best of you. Be the better person. You're off your bathing suit. Yeah you can if you want. If they're talking about stuff, and go for it. Can we please gut?

00:21:19
Speaker 2: We're going to the fan questions right now.

00:21:21
Speaker 1: We're just leaving that. We're going.

00:21:24
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to start us off with the first one. It starts, Oh guess what, Susan. We have update.

00:21:30
Speaker 1: We just said that today. We love the update.

00:21:33
Speaker 2: We love the updates. Okay, this is one from Maggie. She wrote in I don't know if you all remember, but we certainly do. She wrote in asking for ways she cont can connect with her boyfriend outside of food and cooking while she struggled with brain surgery. If you want to go back and listen to it from our episode, it's the one called We're All in the Same Boat. Okay, here it is, Hi, Kathy and Susan. I have an update I wanted to share with you. After a question I submitted back in the summer. It was about my inability to eat after brain surgery and the strain this had on my relationship with my boyfriend. Your advoice, your advice really helped. I listened to it several times because your kindness and sympathy brought me so much comfort. Thank you so much.

00:22:26
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:22:26
Speaker 2: Okay, so we took your advice and found other activities to enjoy together over the summer and fall besides our usual eating, cooking, and dining out together. But I've since improved and can finally start to eat some foods again. I wanted to share this progress and good news with two of my favorite ladies who really helped in my time of need. I have goosebump. Susan makes me.

00:22:50
Speaker 1: I'm so happy for it.

00:22:52
Speaker 2: Yay, Maggie, We're so happy for you.

00:22:54
Speaker 1: Wow. Goodness, So it did it? Did work? Help? She did try? She was in an ugly place right, Yeah, I just I love it. Now they're doing it now. I just want to say that you, you and I've talked about this. Food is not a big thing for me, and so when we talked about like what she could do besides eating and dining out, we were coming up with ideas. There are lots of ways to make connections, and I'm just so glad that they found other ways besides the usual, you know, cooking dinosas not telling me what they are though I want to know what they did.

00:23:33
Speaker 2: I'm guessing they went to the beach and she pulled off for bathing suit tops.

00:23:36
Speaker 1: So stop it. But just just the simple fact that she's feeling better is the main thing, exactly it really.

00:23:43
Speaker 2: So, Maggie. We are so thrilled that you have improved health, that your relationship is going well, that this is great news.

00:23:50
Speaker 1: That is the best one. Importantly, that you're doing good and you want to keep on going with him because you are going to make it. It just took time, and it was a scary time. We prayed for you, we thought about you, and we're so thrilled that you came back to us and let us know.

00:24:07
Speaker 2: That means, Maggie, let us know if you have time, let us know what activities you did. We'd love to know. Write us in another update. We would love to hear from him. Absolutely absolutely.

00:24:18
Speaker 1: Okay, now let's get into Maggie's question. Maggie asks my boyfriend and I have been together twelve years. I'm thirty one and he's thirty three. I know time to get engaged. Due to my unexpected brain surgery and all the post of complications, I've been unable to work for a year and he's had to cover us financially. He wants to get engaged too, but keeps putting it off for the financial reasons. He's holding off because he's determined to get me a fancy, expensive ring. It's hard because of everyone's expectations and comparisons when it comes to engage rings. Where's where's Neil Lame when you need him? We could call him for you? Actually, any advice on how to move forward with our relationship despite these financial barriers.

00:25:13
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm hearing two things here. Yeah, one I'm hearing their financial issues and the other one I'm hearing, Uh, it's about a ring. You can get engaged, Maggie without a ring. I know it's not customary, but you know the ring is a symbol of love. If the love is there, do you really need the ring right now?

00:25:35
Speaker 1: Well, they're also talking about comparison, So get a cz for now and he could make it a real one.

00:25:41
Speaker 2: I got a friend. Wait, Susan, I've got a friend, Maggie, reach out to me. I have a friend who deals in lab diamonds. But they're beautiful, they're sort of well, they're a lot cheaper than a real one.

00:25:51
Speaker 1: Ye, well they are real, they are, They're just not natural. So I don't know.

00:25:57
Speaker 2: I can't figure out here though, if if it's the ring or the financial stress.

00:26:03
Speaker 1: The financial because she says, any advice on how to move forward with our relationships, you keep it going with these financial barriers. So I mean, that is what it is. As long as you two are happy and.

00:26:15
Speaker 2: Love each other. Who cares about the ring? Listen, Maggie, reach out to me. I've got a diamond from my husband. I don't have him anymore. I could maybe lend.

00:26:23
Speaker 1: You the ring, I like I said, get a CZ if that's what's what it's going to take or no. I could always replace the stone or do the lab diving. But other than that, that's not everybody's expecting you to get engaged, like there is there a time limit on this. You too are in love. You two know you have a future. That is the most important part. But I get it when everyone else is a diamond you want one to.

00:26:49
Speaker 2: That's totally go the lab diamond room. But here's something I sense. Maybe I'm wrong, Maggie, but I feel like I'm hearing that you said he's been supporting you for a year that you know you've been out of So maybe there are some other financial constraints right now. And if that's the case, get yourself back up on your feet, you know, and get and go back to work at put money back in the bank.

00:27:13
Speaker 1: You're gonna be kicking.

00:27:14
Speaker 2: Trust me when I tell you, Maggie, a ring is worth nothing if you don't have the love to go along with it, So celebrate the love.

00:27:23
Speaker 1: I'm glad you're recovering. I'm glad you're feeling better. It's great.

00:27:28
Speaker 2: I think it's all good, Maggie. All right, let's move on to question number two. Ray asked, I think Ray is a girl. It's spelled r a Hey, Susan and Kathy. I wanted to say that I love this podcast and have loved watching you on The Golden Bachelor. Listening to your podcast is one of the favorite parts of my week. Do you have any advice for someone who struggles with their relationship with their dad. My dad is great, but my dad is also so hard to be around. He is always negative and thinks of the worst case scenario, and I feel like I can't tell him anything because he's very critical or doesn't seem to care. It seems like I have a dad who is there but not actually there. If I don't do something right, he yells at me and gets upset. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he doesn't really apologize and doesn't seem actually sorry. I just don't know what to do. Have you any advice.

00:28:28
Speaker 1: He's your dad. You have to accept him like he is. You cannot change him. And I think she's doing the right thing by not telling him everything because.

00:28:39
Speaker 2: My question she's I don't know how old she is. But I'm sorry, Susan, I don't accept that a dad gets to yell at you.

00:28:51
Speaker 1: Uh, I don't know it doesn't say, she said.

00:28:56
Speaker 2: If I don't do something right, he yells at me and gets up set. So Ray I would say to your dad, I'm really sorry you're so angry. I'm going to step away, and when you can come and speak to me respectfully and calmly, I would be happy to resume this conversation. Everyone deserves that, Susan, whether it's a friend, a mother, a daughter, a father, a son. You don't get to yell at people unless it's me yelling at you, and then it's all fair game.

00:29:24
Speaker 1: Yeah whatever. So it is her father, and I would like to know how old she is because that would make it a little bit easier. And as you mature, you're able to say and yet somebody in the eye say, this is really disrespectful. Daddy. I don't want to share with you anymore because you're always Debbie down or a negative you know, right, or Dougie down one. Do you want us to have a good relationship. I can't change who you are.

00:29:51
Speaker 2: You know what I'm guessing, Susan, I'm guessing he's a worrier, a worrier.

00:29:58
Speaker 1: Maybe he's worried about her, that could be, but he is negative, she's saying.

00:30:07
Speaker 2: Sometimes people are negative because they worry about what. You know, she's on a date. What happens if you know he's worried.

00:30:16
Speaker 1: He's out there, but he's not actually there. He's there. He's old school. He thinks the way she thinks. Enlighten him, you know, tell him that that's this isn't.

00:30:25
Speaker 2: What you just said five minutes ago, Susan stick. We'll just pick your story here and stick with it. Is he gonna change, well, you said, Dad, he's your dad and he's not going to change now, he said, Well, then she can't.

00:30:37
Speaker 1: Enlighten, enlighten him how she's feeling.

00:30:40
Speaker 2: He doesn't care.

00:30:42
Speaker 1: Well, he will when she silences in.

00:30:46
Speaker 2: I hope you're right. I think there's more to this story of Ray. I want to know how old you are. I want to know if he's siblings. I want to know if your dad is married. I'm guessing this has something to do more with interpersonal role.

00:31:00
Speaker 1: I wonder if he's a freaking old Italian because they're stubborn. You can't get them to change. Make up a pan of gravy feet them. He'll be fine. There's stuck on their ways. But you know what right I offer you good luck And if it were me, I would try to have that conversation and then i'd pull back. I mean, it's a shame to say, but I would share everything with him. I wouldn't want to hear his big mail. He's negative.

00:31:28
Speaker 2: You guys, sometimes, Ray, you got to be you have to respect yourself. Yes, he is your father, but nobody gets to treat you. You shouldn't allow anyone to treat you disrespectfully.

00:31:38
Speaker 1: Anywhow But thank you for writing in let us know if there's any break in this al righty. Question number three is from an anonymous Hi, golden ladies. I hope you both are having a fabulous day if and when you decide to read this. I'm staying anonymous on this question because I honestly am a little embarrassed by don't be embarrassed. I have not told any of my family or friends that this is going on, So here we go. My husband and I have been married for around five months. For contents, we did not live together long term before marriage, only around a month due to how rent contracts lined up. Overall, I think we have a great marriage. The only issue that still weighs on me is we struggle to sleep in the same bed. He snores and is very sensitive to movement, and I struggled to sleep with snoring, so do I as well as Dawson turned a lot subconsciously as I'm sleeping, So not a great combo. We bought a king sized bed to help, but it hasn't helped much. We've been sleeping separately for a few months now, but I guess I always thought we'd end up trying it again. I brought it up on time and conversation and he told me that he also wants us to sleep in the same bed, but he's come to realize that it may not be possible. He says that getting good sleep is more important because then our waking time together is much happier and better. I cannot pretend that I don't enjoy the freedom of having a bed to myself, so it is not him just making me do this. But I always thought when you get married, you share a bed, and despite the freedom of separate beds, deep down I do still want to share a bed. I know I shouldn't care what others think, but it makes me worry that people think we're having issues, and also that when we do have struggles in the future, as all marriages do, that being separated at night will only make us feel more separate in general. Good point. I also worry that our sex life will suffer, especially once we have kids. What do you two think? Is it possible to have a successful marriage and sleep separately? Any tips for sleeping together that I haven't already thought of, and any advice on having the conversation with my parents, my friends, et cetera, if we decide to continue down this road. I am sorry for the long question, but I so appreciate it if you decide to answer it, love y'all and keep up the good work. Wow. Well, wait a minute.

00:34:32
Speaker 2: First, there's so much to unpack here. Since when do you have to talk to your parents? And that's what stood out to me the most. Listen, listen, listen, Anonymous. If I said to you you, when you talk to your friends and parents and tell them how many times you have sex a day or a week or a year, you might want to mention you're not sharing the same bed, are you kidding? You do not owe anyone any explanation about where you.

00:35:02
Speaker 1: Sleep, and you can have a fabulous sex life. Do it in his room, and then you could go to your nice, clean bed and sleep sound. There's also I don't know if he's a person that could do this, but that they have the sleep thing that helps them not snore. There is a.

00:35:23
Speaker 2: Thing, so there's sleep apnea. You know who knows. I would say to you, Anonymous, he needs to go and get diagnosed. Does he have sleep apnea? Is he overweight? Is he you know what? Does he have obstructive? Does he deal with the issue that constructive? Are you impressed? I knew that obstruct.

00:35:43
Speaker 1: I'm just saying in turns too and their mattresses out there that you can't feel the other one moved. There are ways around that. Butt. All in all, the whole thing taken in, there is nothing wrong with having separate rooms. It is early for it, but older people do it all the time.

00:36:01
Speaker 2: That's the points isn't right there? I wasn't going to say it, but of course you know now I have to. I think it bodes if if you're sleeping separately every night. I think part of a good marriage, especially when you're young. When you're older, you know, take your snoring and your journey socks and get out of here.

00:36:23
Speaker 1: To go to the bathroom.

00:36:24
Speaker 2: Yeah, but when you're young, I think that could be detrimental to a marriage.

00:36:28
Speaker 1: I do they do you? Like she said, If we're not doing it now, we're not together. Now things happen in the marriage, and when you have kids, it's like two separate lives.

00:36:40
Speaker 2: I mean, I know that when I was newly you know married. Uh you know, in the dark ages, we used to lie in bed at night before we go to sleep and we talk about our day. It was like the intimacy without the sex part. But you know that was different. That was sex and they could still have and then but.

00:37:00
Speaker 1: Think about it.

00:37:00
Speaker 2: You're lying there and you're talking and you're getting drowsy. Oh got to get I mean, I don't know.

00:37:05
Speaker 1: It just feels a little and I understand our concern. But the main part for me, you don't have to Nobody has to know this unless he's telling people that, yeah, I don't.

00:37:14
Speaker 2: I would definitely get him to a doctor. That there's things that they anewer device that you implant in the skin that has that swam.

00:37:21
Speaker 1: With the button you press the button under your chest. Yes, yes, yes, yes, but talk to him now. I heard when you said he said sleep is important. It is because if you wake up too tired and you didn't have a good night's sleep, you're cranky and that's when you start bickering, or you go to work and you don't give it one hundred percent because you can't because you're tired. These are all important issues, So start from scratch. And find what's causing the snort. I mean, if you can ear plugs those things, try.

00:37:57
Speaker 2: All these so sexy and your you know, there's the other.

00:38:00
Speaker 1: Thing that's easily happened in the seventy sixty and seventy year old. Really did you see though? That?

00:38:05
Speaker 2: She said, she kind of likes it that it's not all him, and then later she said, but I'd like to share that. I think anonymous, your feeling can select him. I feel you're feeling conflicted. On the one hand, you know, you like your good rest, but I really think the issue here is get him checked out. If there's something that medically can be done, that's what I would do. And when athogs, and just in the other.

00:38:30
Speaker 1: One, how about five days a week during the school I mean the school week, the work work great, and then the weekends are you know you do well?

00:38:38
Speaker 2: Let me ask you wait, let me ask you another question that she has not thought of. What happens when the kids come? You can't roll over and tap them go. It's your turn to get up because he's in the other room.

00:38:48
Speaker 1: But that's a problem in his room unless he's breast and lock your door when you go to sleep.

00:38:56
Speaker 2: So when the kids are coming mommy daddy. I feel sick. They gotta go to Daddy.

00:39:03
Speaker 1: I totally get why you wrote in because it is something. It's a little early for that to happen, and I hope you guys get to the bottom of it and figure it out at least.

00:39:13
Speaker 2: And by the way, congratulations on your wedding. On your marriage, I wish you a lifetime of love and happiness.

00:39:20
Speaker 1: When you travel and there's one bed in the room, I mean, I'm sure.

00:39:23
Speaker 2: They ask for two queens and she can hear them, and they get up grumpy and they go home.

00:39:31
Speaker 1: Anonymous, we wish you the best, but try to figure it out, okay.

00:39:43
Speaker 2: Question four is from Aurora, and she says, Hi, Kathy and Susan, I love you too so much. You have so much experience and insight into life. I wanted to ask your opinion on my current situation. I've been with my boyfriend for almost three years. Things have been mostly great between us, save a few hiccups centered around small arguments here and there. Long story short, my mom doesn't like him. She doesn't have much of a reason, in my opinion, but I can't help that her disapproval ends up making me question whether I'm in a relationship that can stand the test of time if she and him can't get along. My mom and myself have had a somewhat contentious relationship ourselves, mostly due to her poor choices in staying with a man that wasn't good to my brother and me and ultimately choosing her marriage to my stepmother or a stepfather over her two kids. Anyway, back to the issue, I'm just going to interrupt myself here, Aurora, that is the issue. Okay, back to the issue at hand. Can I truly count on and commit to a relationship when my mother doesn't approve of him? How would either of you feel in my shoes? Do I trust my own judgment and continue on with this relationship or read more into my mom's disapate approval. I would genuinely appreciate your perspectives. You two are the best. Thank you so very much in advance for any advice you have to send my way.

00:41:11
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I want to know what her mother's judgment and issues are. As she's stating important facts about what's something that she's seeing the way he's treating her daughter, like, what is it? This is a pretty general she just doesn't disapprove. But there's a reason someone wouldn't disapprove I mean, would disapprove am I right, not always that she just don't like them. Well, that's possibility, Yes, I ask yourself. Why is she saying this? Well, because sometimes when we're falling in love, love is blind, baby, we don't see the red flags you would for me.

00:41:52
Speaker 2: And guess what when you see the red flags and someone else tells you don't pay attention.

00:41:56
Speaker 1: This is true, but you bring it to their attention and it gets in their head and they will notice eventually. It takes a long time, But there's that other than that.

00:42:05
Speaker 2: Wait a second, My mom have had a contentious relationship due to her poor choices.

00:42:13
Speaker 1: Why.

00:42:13
Speaker 2: I don't mean to be rude here, Aurora, but if your mom has made poor choices and stayed with a man who didn't treat you and your brother, well, really, you're going to value her opinion over your own feelings. This is your life, Aurora. You need to learn your own lessons. You need to do what makes you happy, and if it doesn't work out, you have no one to blame but yourself, not your mom is your mom.

00:42:43
Speaker 1: And I've seen cases like this where people the kids don't like the stepdad and there might be nothing wrong with him, they just don't care for him. She's claiming that he didn't treat them well and she chose him over them. We don't know exactly. It's that there was some issue that's a big.

00:43:07
Speaker 2: That's what I think. That's why I interrupted when I read the question. I think, Rora, there's more to this relationship and more to this story than she simply doesn't like him. It may be tainted, she may just have issues around who knows what, But I think you have to trust your own gut, trust your own heart. I'm going to tell you a little story. When I met my husband, my mother in law and father in law, God rest their souls did not like me. They did not like me. My husband and I were married for almost forty six years. My in laws had their own really tough marriage issues, in fidelity, all kinds of things, and I couldn't fight it. They just never liked me, and yet we were married for forty six years.

00:43:58
Speaker 1: So what did you do? What did you do about it? Did it bother you that they didn't care for you? Did you speak up?

00:44:05
Speaker 2: Did you try to I spoke to my husband about it. I my husband once said to them, you know, they didn't change. He once said to them, Kathy and I have been married. I don't know at the time, it was like thirty five years. We've been married thirty five years. Do you think you need to get over it and start I love her? Do you think maybe you need to get over it and start loving it?

00:44:27
Speaker 1: Don't believe beginning beg when you knew they didn't like you, you never went to her and talked say what is it? What is it? Oh?

00:44:35
Speaker 2: Well, yes I did, and she would say, oh, no, we do. We do. But you know she didn't and it was very clear. I'm not going to get into details, but trust me, it was very clear that they didn't like me.

00:44:47
Speaker 1: And their marriage lasted forever. So an our statement, Yes, that's what I'm saying.

00:44:52
Speaker 2: So, so, Aurora, do what makes your heart sing and if it, if it doesn't work out, guess what. It's not because your mother didn't like him. It's because you and your boyfriend went ultimately down different paths. But be respectful to your mom.

00:45:08
Speaker 1: But yeah, but or even have a conversation and figure it out. Why mom, why do you feel like this about him. And another important thing that is in my mind. Does your mom realize how you and your brother felt about the stepdad? You know, she's claiming her story right now. There's two sides to every story. Not that I'm putting you down. I'm glad you wrote in and I'm wishing you all the best. But open your eyes and take a clear picture of everything around you. But do what makes you happy. Mom can't control that, you know what I mean? All right, now, we're gonna play you ready, gat what would you rather? We're gonna switch off reading the prompt and we're both going to answer it, and I'll start us off. So never been able to use your phone again or be unable to have physical touch with another person for a year? You know what? I know this girl named Susan, and she always says, no, you're not answering for me, You're answering for you.

00:46:17
Speaker 2: You didn't let me finish. I'm adopting her answer. She always says both. I'm I'm saying neither. I couldn't do either one of those.

00:46:27
Speaker 1: I could.

00:46:28
Speaker 2: No. I know you're going to say you could not use your phone?

00:46:32
Speaker 1: Yeah? Absolutely, I want.

00:46:34
Speaker 2: To be able to say that, Susan, but think about it. I need to be able to hear from my children in the romantic world.

00:46:41
Speaker 1: I would say, to pick one.

00:46:43
Speaker 2: You know what, pad wings sayd fly, I can't pick.

00:46:46
Speaker 1: One, all right? Take the next one, all right?

00:46:48
Speaker 2: The next one is oh, it had my word in it. Would you rather have an unlimited supply of wine but only be able to drink it from a sippy cup? Or a lifetime supply of coffee but it's always lukewarm? There's no brainer. I take the wine, lukewarm coffee.

00:47:07
Speaker 1: Warm coffee is gross. That was a no brainer. You're right. Have a partner who's amazing in the kitchen but terrible in bed, oh god, or great in bed but can't make a single meal. That's fine, I'll cook.

00:47:21
Speaker 2: And I just said, while you're reading, I'm going, well, I'm the ladder. Great in bed, can't cook. I mean that's an easy one too. We gotta get. Would you rather have the hiccups during an important meeting or sneeze uncontrollably during a first date? Since I don't work, I'm sneezing.

00:47:47
Speaker 1: What about you? I said, hiccups. I'd rather have the hiccups, all right, have a public fight with your ex on social media, or accidentally send an embarrassing text to one of your kids that was meant for your partner.

00:48:03
Speaker 2: Well, let me just say, let me just say, you know what, I'm writing the rules here. I would never have a public fight with anyone on social media ever, So so you know, I'm pleading.

00:48:17
Speaker 1: I would not want to accidentally send either what ext So we're moving on.

00:48:21
Speaker 2: We're not doing that one, all right.

00:48:23
Speaker 1: God we suck? Okay, all right? Have to share your search history or our text meaning Susan and Kathy, Okay, text with each other with your first date.

00:48:36
Speaker 2: Oh, I'd share my text with you with I mean our text with the first you know what our text usually are, Susan, call me.

00:48:43
Speaker 1: Back, help me pick this up? What should I wear? Susan?

00:48:47
Speaker 2: Are you cooking tonight? Our text? If we are talking about stuff, it's on the phone, it's where nobody can record us. Or it's not it's not in you know, imprinted.

00:48:57
Speaker 1: For how do I say this in French? What? Yeah?

00:49:00
Speaker 2: Really? Almost Francis, which is how do you say in Spanish?

00:49:07
Speaker 1: That's what we were doing? Okay, take the next one, all right?

00:49:11
Speaker 2: Would you rather be perpetually stuck in an awkward elevator ride with your ex or before what, or be forced to share a bed with your least favorite past coworker for a week.

00:49:25
Speaker 1: I'll take that elevator with me.

00:49:27
Speaker 2: I'll take that elevator all day long, all day long.

00:49:31
Speaker 1: Okay. Sit in a puddle and it looks like you peed your pants, or actually pee your pants, get away with it unnoticed?

00:49:39
Speaker 2: I mean, can I just say this happened to Susan while we're on vacation.

00:49:43
Speaker 1: So I peed my pants when I leave to ord?

00:49:47
Speaker 2: You know there's surgery for that.

00:49:49
Speaker 1: No, I did it. I don't see anymore.

00:49:50
Speaker 2: But yes, oh really you didn't pee. You're on vacation, crying, laughing. Okay, so you do pee when you have sometimes not the world wants to know? Okay, all right? Would you rather call out your oooh since? Would you rather call out your boyfriend for cheating and be wrong or be cheated on once but you never find out about it.

00:50:16
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to know. I wouldn't want to know.

00:50:23
Speaker 2: I think if it was calling out my boyfriend for cheating and I was wrong.

00:50:28
Speaker 1: I.

00:50:30
Speaker 2: Don't know. I don't know. I don't want to be cheated on.

00:50:34
Speaker 1: Well, you would never know, So what you don't know, don't hurt you. That's an easy one. Okay, burp in your dates. Oh man, he tries to kiss you, now, God, or try to pass off your guess on your boyfriend's dog and totally get caught.

00:50:53
Speaker 2: Blaw, I'm all with that woof woof ooh, oh my god. I' you're gonna pass off You're gonna I mean, excuse me.

00:51:07
Speaker 1: You're gonna burp in the Oh no, you're not. I'll blame the dog. I'll blame the dog. You're mixing the two? I mean, what are you gonna do? Should happen? Sometimes you have the belch Why the guy's trying to kiss you? Well, no, like maybe he's on his way. Excuse me, I don't know. I don't your's face when he tries me to kiss I probably try to blame the dog.

00:51:34
Speaker 2: I'm definitely blaming the What if he doesn't have a dog, I'm still blaming the dog.

00:51:40
Speaker 1: Did you do you smell that? E? Did you for it?

00:51:44
Speaker 2: And what your plants? Your plants are excreting something?

00:51:48
Speaker 1: Blame my partner you for what?

00:51:50
Speaker 2: Is that so disgusting?

00:51:54
Speaker 1: Oh my God, I can't believe it. But that does it for today's episode. Key, these things are flying by. Are we just having fun or what? I think?

00:52:01
Speaker 2: We're having a lot of fun. But you know what I want other people. I hope that other people are laughing with us, because you know what we've learned, life is short. You better laugh and have fun along the way.

00:52:11
Speaker 1: Enjoy the ride. And that does it for this episode of Bachelor Happy Hours. Golden Hour, thank you so much for tuning in, and I hope that you guys are enjoying it as much as we are.

00:52:23
Speaker 2: I mean, if you have not tuned in. First of all, if you're listening to this, you are tuned in. But tell your friends, your neighbors, your aunts, your uncle's be sure to tune in to Bachelor Happy Hour because we have new episodes.

00:52:36
Speaker 1: All the time.

00:52:37
Speaker 2: And who would want to miss this talking about burping and farty, I don't know who'd want to miss this.

00:52:42
Speaker 1: And don't forget to submit your questions to us. You can go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or just dm us on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour. It's easy.

00:52:52
Speaker 2: It's easy, so easy. In the meantime, listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app, or where where you listen to podcasts. Until next time, Take care for now

00:53:07
Speaker 1: Mm hmm