Navigating Empowerment: Lucia Montanaro's Guide to Radical Responsibility and Veteran Leadership

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What if the secret to transforming your life lies in taking control and becoming the captain of your own ship? Join us as we sit down with Lucia Montanaro, a seasoned leadership and transformational coach who has journeyed through 65 countries, working on conflict prevention and peacebuilding. Lucia opens up about her personal struggle to balance professional demands with personal well-being and how seeking guidance from a coach shifted her from feeling like a victim to feeling empowered. We delve into the significance of self-improvement and leadership, particularly for veterans and their families, and get a peek into Lucia's vibrant personal life, including her multilingual talents and her affection for pets.

Discover the transformative power of radical responsibility and accountability, as Lucia shares insights on how to navigate life's challenges with empathy and effective communication. We discuss strategies to enhance self-awareness and self-regulation, which are crucial for veterans transitioning to civilian life. Learn about the E + R = O equation (Event + Response = Outcome) and how mindful reactions can improve emotional health and relationships. We also explore nonviolent communication techniques by Marshall Rosenberg, providing practical examples to handle conflicts constructively. Tune in to uncover how these principles can enhance your leadership qualities and improve your interactions with those around you.

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https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com

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2024-06-06 36 min Transcript 3 chapters

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WEBVTT

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome to your Thoughts, your Reality with Michael Cole, the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges.

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<v Speaker 1>Michael is a dual elite certified neuro encoding specialist in coaching and keynote training presentations dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life.

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<v Speaker 1>Join him as we delve into the profound realm of neuro encoding science, empowering these Hello, hello, hello everybody.

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<v Speaker 1>Society Forging a New Path Forward.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, hello, hello everybody.

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<v Speaker 2>So today I have a friend and a colleague.

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<v Speaker 2>I am super excited.

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<v Speaker 2>All the way from Belgium I have Lucia Montanaro and she is going to bring some gold today, so I'm super excited to have her on.

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<v Speaker 2>So a little bit about Lucia.

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<v Speaker 2>She's leadership and transformational coach with decades of experience across the globe.

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<v Speaker 2>When I say across the globe, I literally mean across the globe 65 countries she's worked in and passionate about contributing to a better world by helping people, which is amazing she is.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sorry she speaks five languages.

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<v Speaker 2>Obviously, 65 countries need to speak some languages.

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<v Speaker 2>She has extensive experience working on conflict prevention, mediation and peace building in conflict-affected countries, collaborating with security and armed forces.

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<v Speaker 2>So no joke, obviously.

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<v Speaker 2>So, lucia, I'm so happy to have you.

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<v Speaker 2>Tell us a little bit more about yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you, michael.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm very grateful to be here and to have this conversation with you and your audience.

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<v Speaker 3>So I'm, yes, based in Belgium, I'm half Italian, half Swedish, born in England, so that's already three languages without making any effort.

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<v Speaker 3>And and on the professional side, I'm a trainer, presenter and coach.

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<v Speaker 3>I work on kind of international, institutional and corporate level and with individuals.

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<v Speaker 3>And on the personal side, I have a beloved partner, and, and two sons and one stepson and lots of pets.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I need to hear about the pets Before we get into this what do you got?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, it's horse, cats, dogs, turtles, et cetera.

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<v Speaker 3>Awesome.

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<v Speaker 2>That's fantastic.

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<v Speaker 2>That's fantastic.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll talk more about the turtles, I'm sure.

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<v Speaker 2>Until then, let's get into some leadership stuff to help veterans and their families.

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<v Speaker 2>Before we do get started, I just want to mention on the top right-hand corner you have a blue QR code.

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<v Speaker 2>Please scan that or go to, if you're listening later on podcast forums empowerperformancestrategiescom, again empowerperformancestrategiescom, again empowerperformancestrategiescom.

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<v Speaker 2>I have lots of resources two books I've written that are free.

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<v Speaker 2>We have Facebook groups for veterans and their families to join and be part of community, and so on.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, please, please, get involved and please join that.

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<v Speaker 2>So should we dive in?

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<v Speaker 2>Definitely let's rock and roll, all right.

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<v Speaker 2>So first of all, if we can, can you tell us a little bit more about your story and how you got into the coaching and self-improvement realm, if you will?

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<v Speaker 3>So I think it's a combination of things in the sense that on one hand I mean, as you mentioned, I traveled a lot, I have been working in many different countries, and that can throw in all sorts of challenges.

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<v Speaker 3>Also, you know, between your personal life and your professional life and um you know many people um can have conflicts either in their working environments or or in um or in their personal lives yeah, absolutely and that was, that was definitely my case and and you know a situation where feeling kind of isolated and not understood and you know those tensions and lack of ideal communication, et cetera, and just feeling very frustrated.

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<v Speaker 3>And I I seeked help and I seeked help from a coach.

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<v Speaker 3>I seeked help and I seeked help from a coach and I learned how you know, blaming others and being in a victimhood makes you very passive, whereas when you take the reins of your life and you become the captain of your ship and you focus on what you can control, then you start managing to shift things.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's about kind of putting that, you know, in the SEALs talk about the Navy SEALs talk about extreme ownership.

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<v Speaker 3>I personally, as a civilian talk about radical responsibility, but basically we're talking about the same thing.

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<v Speaker 3>Right is is you take the power when you want to shift something in your life, in in the experiences of your life.

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<v Speaker 3>You want different results, where you have to start by yourself.

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<v Speaker 3>You have to start, you know you have to turn the mirror on yourself and what are your thoughts, what are your emotions, what's your energy, what are your actions that you're taking and that will have a ripple effect and impact the experiences that are unfolding.

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<v Speaker 3>So, yeah, that's how to take back control and have leadership within which will change your reality.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>So you say your thoughts are your reality.

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<v Speaker 2>Is that what you're trying to say in there?

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<v Speaker 2>Just a little play off, a little plug?

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<v Speaker 2>Honestly fantastic information.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, and it's something that I found as well is, if you're sitting there blaming everybody else, not taking responsibility for things in your life, you're never going to change, You're never going to grow.

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<v Speaker 2>You're really stifling, becoming that next person, that next level, if you will, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>So great point.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that, I really do.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, I almost forgot something.

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<v Speaker 2>I almost forgot something with you, and that would have been a shame.

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<v Speaker 2>You're a recent graduate with the Neuron Coding Institute, are you not?

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<v Speaker 3>Yay, and on my journey to the next level, I am indeed, and it's an incredible community and such powerful tools and strategies to help people default to their best version.

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<v Speaker 2>So very glad to be on your fantastic podcast of your thoughts and your reality because, as a fellow neuroencoder and contributing to helping others, yeah, absolutely, and I just wanted to stop and just congratulate you.

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<v Speaker 2>It's such a cool thing, it's such an amazing family and it's changed my life and that's where we originally met, so I just wanted to just take a second and just give you that Thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>So congratulations again.

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<v Speaker 2>So how can veterans harness the principles of radical responsibility kind of going right into what you're talking about, taking responsibility and self-regulation to navigate the transition from military life to civilian life more effectively?

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<v Speaker 3>I think I mean, I think it's, on one hand, it's about one accountability and kind of and you know how, and basically understanding that what goes on inside, like if you imagine the weather, you look at the weather forecast.

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<v Speaker 3>If you imagine the weather, you look at the weather forecast.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, here you're going to look at the weather forecast that you have going on inside, well, if it's stormy and dark and cloudy and whatever, well, that's what you're going to attract.

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<v Speaker 3>If you create an internal sunshine, then people react to that and you will contribute to that more external sunshine also unfolding in your life.

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<v Speaker 3>So you know, there is just like the name of your podcast, I mean there is a correlation between your thoughts and the reality that's unfolding and the reality that's unfolding.

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<v Speaker 3>And so you know, the easiest way is, you know, when you have a thought that is bringing you down a rabbit hole, what could you think instead that would make you feel better and what can you do instead to shift that emotion.

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<v Speaker 3>And so you know it's remembering the little poem of you know those little steps that can help you, can support you to, to be in a more conducive environment.

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<v Speaker 3>So you know what are, what are those meditations, what are those exercises that you can do, that that you personally make you feel better to start your day off.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, you know, it's like getting out of the bed with the right, with the right foot.

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<v Speaker 2>That kind of makes you want to jump and dance rather than feeling heavy absolutely, and you know our mentor, joseph mcclendon, you know I just you said get out of bed and that just brought to my attention.

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<v Speaker 2>When you get out of bed, just put a big old smile on your face and just creep out.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, just yeah, I'm gonna do some cool stuff today and then jump up and dance and it changes your physiology, it sends all kinds of hormones and things um throughout your body and really can change your entire day and if you do it every day, your life indeed, and it's it's, it's a hack, because it's been scientifically proven and chemically proven that you know that smiling and that posture, et cetera, releases the chemicals of serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin, and so you end up feeling better.

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<v Speaker 3>And then if you're smiling to other people you smile to someone on the street they'll smile back to you.

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<v Speaker 3>You look them in the eye and and and you know properly connect to the people around you.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, absolutely.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that and I just I got to share something really quick personally.

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<v Speaker 2>So when I'm just going, oh man, I don't want to get out of bed today.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I just want to sleep for 10 more minutes, right, I'll actually do that and do this that big old smile and I start laughing at myself literally and I just jump out of bed and like the day is totally cooled in.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I was like I'm glad I just got up instead of just out there thinking about my day.

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<v Speaker 2>So the great tools, so self-awareness since we were kind of talking about that, can you share some strategies for increasing self-awareness that veterans can use to better understand and manage their emotions during that transition period?

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<v Speaker 3>So both about one's own self-awareness.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, zach, I consider that both leadership of others starts with leadership of oneself, and so in order to be a better leader whether that's in your family, in your community, at your work or whatever and requires that self-regulation.

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<v Speaker 3>And so one simple way is checking in with yourself of, okay, on a scale from zero to 100, how are you feeling, in your energy, in your emotions today and how is your partner or your colleague, etc.

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<v Speaker 3>Feeling and getting you know.

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<v Speaker 3>For the first step is awareness, kind of um, acknowledging where you are, and then thinking of a few steps, of what could you do to to it to a little bit higher.

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<v Speaker 3>Not, you know, if you're at 40%, it's not about getting to 100%, but it's, you know, just getting one step further.

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<v Speaker 3>So you know, is that advancing on a goal?

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<v Speaker 3>Is that spending time with your dog?

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<v Speaker 3>Is that, you know, going for a walk?

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<v Speaker 3>You know just taking those steps.

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<v Speaker 3>So both the awareness on it and then taking a step towards, you know, bringing it one step further.

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<v Speaker 2>I love that.

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<v Speaker 2>So you know, I love what you said.

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<v Speaker 2>So play with your turtle is what you're saying.

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<v Speaker 2>10% difference is a much better day than being at 40%.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'd also like to add, if I can, is share that with your partner or your family.

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<v Speaker 2>If you guys know where you are, the conflict that arises usually because somebody's grumpy, they're playing at a 20%, the other one's an 80%, woo-hoo, you know, if you share that and communicate that with your partners, your family, for that matter, your kids even, it's a great skill to share that and that way everybody can know where everybody is and help pick up the slack.

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<v Speaker 2>You know I'm at a 20, or my wife's at a 20, and I'm at an 80.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, maybe I'm making dinner that night.

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<v Speaker 2>You know there's lots of ways to kind of help and so on.

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<v Speaker 2>So I love that you bring that percentages up and so on.

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<v Speaker 2>Fantastic Empathy and leadership.

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<v Speaker 2>So how does empathy play a role in leadership, especially for veterans again adjusting to new roles in civilian life?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, for instance, they're coming back from from the military whether that be male or female works both ways and they're really coming back and they're just, they're not themselves Everybody's, you know, everybody knows when military service ends, everybody's grown, everybody's uh, in a different place, you know.

00:14:59.072 --> 00:15:07.958
<v Speaker 2>So how does empathy kind of play a role in that re re, um, adjusting if you you will, and or I'm big on communication with the family?

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<v Speaker 2>How does?

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<v Speaker 2>How do you see that?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I think empathy is an absolute cornerstone in both leadership, in communication and in several things, and veterans have a unique experience from their missions of strength but also of adapting to change.

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<v Speaker 3>And so, you know, it's harnessing that and those strengths and that in civilian life, life transitioning to civilian life requires navigating change and understanding different perspectives, and so I think empathy allows us to, to connect to people, whether it's your family or in a professional environment.

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<v Speaker 3>So I think the first step would be, you know, I think it always starts.

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<v Speaker 3>I think the first step would be, you know, I think it always starts with oneself.

00:16:06.965 --> 00:16:15.875
<v Speaker 3>So the first step is kind of reflecting a self-reflection and a kindness to oneself.

00:16:15.875 --> 00:16:29.956
<v Speaker 3>You know, like we can say, when you go on a plane, you know, before helping a child, you need to take the oxygen for yourself and, and you know, if your cup is so low it's very difficult to give to others.

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<v Speaker 3>So so you know kind of understanding your own emotions and and maybe, and you know, being able to be vulnerable and share that to help others understand where you are.

00:16:42.284 --> 00:16:44.389
<v Speaker 3>and share that to help others understand where you are.

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<v Speaker 3>So basically I'm saying it starts with empathy, awareness and empathy towards yourself, and then the second step is active listening.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean so many people want to, you know, in a conversation, no-transcript and so really deeply listening and focusing on building that relationship, because it's not, you know, people can have different models of the world, different perspectives and different needs and, you know, focusing on what you want in that relationship, whether it's professional or personal, and building that relationship and then learning from each other.

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<v Speaker 3>So I think by veterans, focusing on empathy it will help them navigate as an approach to life, both personal and professional, help them navigate those transitions.

00:18:02.704 --> 00:18:06.732
<v Speaker 2>Love that, love that, and you know we all have different models of the world, right?

00:18:06.732 --> 00:18:20.435
<v Speaker 2>So, if I can just add on the fantastic information you just just gave us, it's okay to ask questions to find out where someone else is in their model of the world.

00:18:20.435 --> 00:18:25.448
<v Speaker 2>You know how does that look to you, you know how does that feel to you, et cetera.

00:18:25.448 --> 00:18:29.518
<v Speaker 2>So I think that's fantastic information, lucia, thank you.

00:18:29.518 --> 00:18:36.096
<v Speaker 2>So let's jump right into communication, since we're there.

00:18:36.096 --> 00:18:39.612
<v Speaker 2>I love the information you're giving us and the thought process and everything.

00:18:39.612 --> 00:18:41.097
<v Speaker 2>Just fantastic stuff.

00:18:41.097 --> 00:18:51.736
<v Speaker 2>What are some key communication techniques that veterans can use to improve their interactions with family, friends and potential employers, especially coming out of the transition period?

00:18:51.736 --> 00:18:58.713
<v Speaker 2>And I also want to address this the other way with the family's communication as well.

00:19:02.906 --> 00:19:11.740
<v Speaker 3>I would suggest two, two tools, two approaches um one, um I'm I'm not good at math.

00:19:11.740 --> 00:19:14.571
<v Speaker 3>I mean, we all have our different skills, but I'm not good at math.

00:19:14.571 --> 00:19:20.068
<v Speaker 3>But I'll give an equation um are we okay?

00:19:20.068 --> 00:19:54.638
<v Speaker 3>So, basically, you know, we all get, we all have desires of how we want outcomes to come, but sometimes we get triggered by different things, and so, basically, the equation to remember maybe the audience listening can write down this equation In fact is the letter E plus R equals O.

00:19:54.638 --> 00:19:57.491
<v Speaker 3>Can you guess what that means?

00:19:58.265 --> 00:20:00.954
<v Speaker 2>No, I just wrote it down and went for the answer.

00:20:03.307 --> 00:20:05.755
<v Speaker 3>So it means event.

00:20:05.755 --> 00:20:07.971
<v Speaker 3>E stands for event.

00:20:07.971 --> 00:20:16.151
<v Speaker 3>So whatever event in your professional or your personal environment, something happens, something happens that could trigger you.

00:20:16.151 --> 00:20:38.695
<v Speaker 3>You know whether it's good or bad, you know an event happens, an event happens, and then R stands for the fact that you have the choice to either react or respond conscientiously and mindfully in thinking about the outcome that you want.

00:20:38.695 --> 00:20:51.778
<v Speaker 3>And so it's not the event that creates the outcome, it's how you experience it and how you respond to it, the meaning you give to it and how you respond to it.

00:20:51.778 --> 00:20:58.009
<v Speaker 3>And so you have the power in that moment to to reach another outcome.

00:20:58.009 --> 00:21:02.673
<v Speaker 3>You know it's this thing of um so um, you know.

00:21:02.673 --> 00:21:18.877
<v Speaker 3>And the other element is, for those of you and your audience if you've ever heard of nonviolent communication, so by Marshall Rosenberg.

00:21:18.877 --> 00:21:33.121
<v Speaker 3>So it's about a four-step process of you observe, you express your feelings, you express your needs and then you express your requests.

00:21:33.121 --> 00:21:36.152
<v Speaker 3>So let me give you an example, please that'd be fantastic.

00:21:40.880 --> 00:21:46.166
<v Speaker 3>um, uh, my, my sons are adults now, but let's say they were.

00:21:46.166 --> 00:21:53.881
<v Speaker 3>You know, small kids, um, and you know small kids can have tempers sometimes, um.

00:21:53.881 --> 00:22:19.974
<v Speaker 3>So let's say, um, when my son slams the door in my face okay, yes, I can, and is angry because I said no about something, I can in that moment get triggered and find it shocking behavior and start screaming and whatever.

00:22:19.974 --> 00:22:21.237
<v Speaker 3>And start screaming and whatever.

00:22:21.237 --> 00:22:27.189
<v Speaker 3>But then I'm going to be out of control in my self-regulation.

00:22:32.476 --> 00:22:45.656
<v Speaker 3>He's going to get upset and we're both going to be in a bad place, whereas in that situation it would be.

00:22:45.656 --> 00:22:46.117
<v Speaker 3>You first state a fact.

00:22:46.117 --> 00:22:51.887
<v Speaker 3>Okay, when you shut, when you slam the door, when you, uh, suddenly slam the door, it's, and that's the observation, so it must.

00:22:51.887 --> 00:23:03.431
<v Speaker 3>It can't be subjective, it has to be a fact, so you can't put a judgment on it yep black and white yep it made me feel rejected, sad.

00:23:03.851 --> 00:23:10.723
<v Speaker 3>Whatever you know, you express your emotions, then you go on to your needs.

00:23:10.723 --> 00:23:22.528
<v Speaker 3>What I need is to feel connected to you, that we have a respectful, open dialogue, and then what I would like is that you know.

00:23:22.528 --> 00:23:41.028
<v Speaker 3>So the fourth one is your request is what I would like, and can we agree that when we're angry with each other, that you know we take a moment to calm down and then you know within the hour we come back and have a conversation about it?

00:23:41.028 --> 00:23:49.980
<v Speaker 3>So four-step process observation, feeling, needs and requests.

00:23:49.980 --> 00:23:54.609
<v Speaker 3>It really helps to handle any kind of conflict, because conflict is unnatural.

00:23:55.335 --> 00:23:56.819
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's absolutely fantastic.

00:23:56.819 --> 00:23:58.404
<v Speaker 2>Love that.

00:23:58.404 --> 00:24:05.596
<v Speaker 2>So would you do that immediately, or would you take a couple of breaths to a stop technique?

00:24:09.362 --> 00:24:14.589
<v Speaker 3>The stop technique is fantastic, but I'm sure, why don't you share it?

00:24:15.915 --> 00:24:16.436
<v Speaker 2>Um, you know what?

00:24:16.436 --> 00:24:17.579
<v Speaker 2>I do it differently.

00:24:17.579 --> 00:24:24.237
<v Speaker 2>So basically, um, I do, um, a, I invented my own thing, so I I'm gonna go stop technique, basically stop.

00:24:24.237 --> 00:24:32.601
<v Speaker 2>Technique is a way of training yourself to um, get out of um, stress, anxiety, all those things, uh, you know quickly.

00:24:32.601 --> 00:24:40.865
<v Speaker 2>So so, really, you're sitting, you think of an unresourceful state, you think of something creates anxiety, anxiety, et cetera.

00:24:40.865 --> 00:24:49.798
<v Speaker 2>You jump up, you stop, you smile, you celebrate and then you sit back down and you do this over and over again, faster and faster.

00:24:49.798 --> 00:24:51.544
<v Speaker 2>Generally it's about a cycle of 10.

00:24:51.544 --> 00:24:58.904
<v Speaker 2>And it trains your brain and conditions your brain to be able to remove yourself from that anxiety quicker or faster.

00:24:59.406 --> 00:25:06.086
<v Speaker 2>So I do something a little bit different where I teach my clients how to do it right when they're.

00:25:06.086 --> 00:25:17.760
<v Speaker 2>I have them do that, but I also have them do one where they literally can take themselves out of it in the moment, and that is generally it's when something's happening to you.

00:25:17.760 --> 00:25:20.526
<v Speaker 2>You take it in for a second.

00:25:20.526 --> 00:25:37.422
<v Speaker 2>You, you look up, you smile and when you feel yourself, uh, you change physiology, put your shoulders back, breathe, I'm sorry, um, and then when, when they feel that release, and you literally will feel the endorphins and all the good chemicals released from your brain.

00:25:37.422 --> 00:25:39.066
<v Speaker 2>You celebrate it.

00:25:40.115 --> 00:25:42.163
<v Speaker 2>And I teach my clients to celebrate it a different way.

00:25:42.163 --> 00:25:52.498
<v Speaker 2>Because if you're in public and do this and you're dancing around and you have aptitude, as everybody knows on the show by now, and you're patting yourself on the back and doing all those things, it changes it.

00:25:52.498 --> 00:25:55.586
<v Speaker 2>People start looking at you funny, they call people.

00:25:55.586 --> 00:26:09.203
<v Speaker 2>I teach my clients to condition themselves over time to pop themselves on the chest and smile, to squeeze their fist and smile, and so that they can literally do it in public at any time.

00:26:09.203 --> 00:26:11.541
<v Speaker 2>So that's how I did the stop technique.

00:26:11.541 --> 00:26:25.096
<v Speaker 2>So so that's when I said do the stop technique or whatever, but if you take a break, do you suggest taking that break or trying to deal with it if you're triggered, when?

00:26:25.297 --> 00:26:26.582
<v Speaker 2>I look in your face.

00:26:29.596 --> 00:26:40.465
<v Speaker 3>I do suggest taking a break, and, whether it's you know, if you've been practicing the stop technique, that's a fantastic way to do it in that moment.

00:26:40.465 --> 00:26:59.357
<v Speaker 3>If not, or if your five-year-old son hasn't yet learned the stop technique, then, just you know, a moment to breathe, to be able and then to reconnect, to be able to have that conversation, you know, so that we can actually hear each other.

00:26:59.738 --> 00:27:04.778
<v Speaker 2>Yeah because if walls are up, no one's hearing each other anyway, right, so fantastic.

00:27:04.778 --> 00:27:06.144
<v Speaker 2>Thank you for that.

00:27:06.144 --> 00:27:13.563
<v Speaker 2>So I want to go to global perspective, if we can, because you know 65 countries I've not had a lot of guests on here with that kind of experience.

00:27:13.563 --> 00:27:26.945
<v Speaker 2>So, having worked in 65 countries, what unique insights can you share about the different ways cultures handle conflict and transition, and how can these insights be applied to our veterans and family?

00:27:30.015 --> 00:27:30.836
<v Speaker 3>Effectively.

00:27:30.836 --> 00:27:55.008
<v Speaker 3>I mean, it's been a privilege to work in so many different countries and cultures, whether you know, thank you whether in the Americas or in the Middle East, in Africa, in Asia, in Europe or all across the globe, and there are similarities and there are changes, differences.

00:27:55.008 --> 00:28:02.368
<v Speaker 3>I mean, you know it's on one hand culture and references, but then you have different personalities and approaches as well.

00:28:02.368 --> 00:28:10.867
<v Speaker 3>I would break it up into five different approaches.

00:28:10.867 --> 00:28:26.351
<v Speaker 3>I mean one is, you know, handling conflict and transitions from a perspective that is much more normative and legalistic and structured and linear and hierarchical.

00:28:26.351 --> 00:28:30.584
<v Speaker 3>And you know, this is the right way.

00:28:30.584 --> 00:28:32.199
<v Speaker 3>I'm convinced of that.

00:28:32.681 --> 00:28:55.636
<v Speaker 3>Okay, that's the first way, more flexible and kind of variable geometry, where basically you adapt to what the circumstance needs in because you're solution orientated, and so you know, if something blocks, then you try something else and etc.

00:28:55.797 --> 00:29:18.548
<v Speaker 3>Okay, um, and I've seen that quite a lot in Asia actually and then you have an approach to conflict which is dominant, oppressive, manipulative, and you know, basically I'll squash you when you're weak, we can start to discuss.

00:29:19.136 --> 00:29:41.665
<v Speaker 3>We can start to discuss and then you have an approach which is a win-win approach and trying to see, you know, there can be a common ground where everyone's interests can be catered for and um and um.

00:29:41.665 --> 00:30:27.903
<v Speaker 3>And lastly, um is one where, basically based on the ethics of care, so where you focus on kind of that psychological safety, uh, and well-being and caring about the person, so creating that balance between, let's say, the pillar of well-being, equity, justice, fairness, you know where you're looking, not for a short-wind but a long-term solution, and you balance that with the needs of productivity, innovation, creation, et cetera.

00:30:27.903 --> 00:30:45.099
<v Speaker 3>You know whether you're in, you know in civilian life and in your personal, professional.

00:30:45.099 --> 00:30:51.381
<v Speaker 3>At the end of the day, you know we're not robots and we work, we're working, we're busy, busy, busy.

00:30:51.381 --> 00:31:01.962
<v Speaker 3>But you know connecting to, you know to the wellbeing as a human being, not as a robot, and that enables everything else to flourish.

00:31:02.885 --> 00:31:03.186
<v Speaker 2>Excellent.

00:31:03.186 --> 00:31:08.059
<v Speaker 2>So all those different perspectives, it comes back to your inside yourself, huh.

00:31:08.741 --> 00:31:09.021
<v Speaker 3>Indeed.

00:31:09.442 --> 00:31:14.301
<v Speaker 2>Pretty cool, awesome, so we are out of time with you.

00:31:14.301 --> 00:31:21.026
<v Speaker 2>It's been such a pleasure speaking with you and we didn't get to turtles, but we will next time.

00:31:23.519 --> 00:31:24.784
<v Speaker 1>Honestly, it's been fantastic.

00:31:24.875 --> 00:31:27.684
<v Speaker 2>So anybody that wants to reach out, how do people reach out?

00:31:29.816 --> 00:31:48.167
<v Speaker 3>So you can either so either reach out to me via LinkedIn or my revised website will be up soon in luciamontanarocom, but in the meantime, maybe the easiest way to reach out to me is directly by email.

00:31:48.167 --> 00:31:56.625
<v Speaker 3>So luciamontanarocoaching at gmailcom, and happy to answer any of your requests.

00:31:56.625 --> 00:32:11.535
<v Speaker 3>And I mean simply, if I can say a last few words, is that remember that you know your journey is a testament of your own resilience and strength and adaptability.

00:32:11.535 --> 00:32:26.261
<v Speaker 3>So you have already gone through tremendous challenges and now this is simply a different chapter of your life and another opportunity to grow, to thrive, to serve and impact positively.

00:32:26.261 --> 00:32:44.597
<v Speaker 3>So have that confidence that you can have that fulfilling and impactful civilian life and simply seek help from your, from who you need in your community when you need it, and and and remember your self-awareness to be the best version of yourself I.

00:32:44.818 --> 00:32:46.083
<v Speaker 2>I absolutely love that.

00:32:46.083 --> 00:32:47.006
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

00:32:47.006 --> 00:32:49.674
<v Speaker 2>So I normally ask for three tips at the end.

00:32:49.674 --> 00:32:55.487
<v Speaker 2>I think you just gave three tips, so do you have three more tips?

00:32:55.487 --> 00:32:56.548
<v Speaker 2>You want to go with that one?

00:32:58.096 --> 00:33:03.359
<v Speaker 3>sure, I mean, I would, yeah, I would, I would you maybe to clarify?

00:33:03.359 --> 00:33:10.404
<v Speaker 3>I mean, I talked about the, the equation of E plus R equals O.

00:33:10.404 --> 00:33:16.169
<v Speaker 3>I would say, you know, focus on gratitude rather than expectations.

00:33:16.169 --> 00:33:20.332
<v Speaker 3>And I would say, you know, choose.

00:33:20.332 --> 00:33:41.413
<v Speaker 3>It's a daily choice to choose to be the best version of yourself and be patient and empathetic with yourself.

00:33:41.413 --> 00:33:43.125
<v Speaker 3>That you know that there are different chapters in your life and they all are valuable and are part of your life journey.

00:33:43.125 --> 00:33:44.642
<v Speaker 3>And so, you know, choose to be the best version of yourself and dare to ask for help.

00:33:44.755 --> 00:33:49.020
<v Speaker 2>Sorry, that was full, but Go ahead, you all got three more.

00:33:49.020 --> 00:33:51.487
<v Speaker 2>I'll stop there.

00:33:51.487 --> 00:33:58.362
<v Speaker 2>As always, I always like to say that you know, as humans, time is the most precious resource we have.

00:33:58.362 --> 00:33:59.559
<v Speaker 2>We do not get it back.

00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:04.204
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much for spending the 35-ish plus minutes with us.

00:34:04.204 --> 00:34:09.284
<v Speaker 2>It's been an absolute pleasure, lots of golden nuggets and truly honored my friend.

00:34:11.295 --> 00:34:16.518
<v Speaker 3>A huge pleasure for me too, and happy to help, and all the best of luck for all of you, thank you.

00:34:16.518 --> 00:34:16.719
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:17.139
<v Speaker 3>We are out of here.

00:34:17.139 --> 00:34:17.219
<v Speaker 3>Bye.

00:34:17.219 --> 00:34:19.427
<v Speaker 3>All the best of luck for all of you, thank you.

00:34:19.929 --> 00:34:21.333
<v Speaker 2>Thank you, we are out of here.

00:34:22.414 --> 00:34:22.996
<v Speaker 3>Bye.

00:34:29.755 --> 00:34:32.019
<v Speaker 1>Thank you for joining us on another insightful journey of your Thoughts your Reality podcast with your host, michael Cole.

00:34:32.019 --> 00:34:35.268
<v Speaker 1>We hope the conversation sparked some thoughts that resonate with you.

00:34:35.268 --> 00:34:41.822
<v Speaker 1>To dive deeper into empowering your thoughts and enhancing your reality, visit empowerperformanceststrategiescom.

00:34:41.822 --> 00:34:46.867
<v Speaker 1>Remember your thoughts shape your reality, so make them count.

00:34:46.867 --> 00:34:51.942
<v Speaker 1>Until next time, stay inspired and keep creating the reality you desire.

00:34:51.942 --> 00:34:53.646
<v Speaker 1>Catch you on the next episode.