2019 - Year In Review.

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercam. I'm a mother of four, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and twenty five, which is first airing on December twenty fourth. So not a lot of people celebrating the holidays this week and perhaps not commuting and listening to podcasts. But maybe you'll make a chance to listen to us while you are on the treadmill or otherwise, you know, cooking, doing laundry, whatever it is that you do, driving around visiting relatives. We are going to do a year in the review episode, but just a little heads up. Neither Sarah nor I are feeling one hundred percent right now. Sarah has an unfortunate illness that is going to make her sound like she's got a three pack a day habit. That's not true. She does not. But in case anyone is wondering where that one came from. And I am unable to sleep because of the baby being you know, all kinds of fun. It's really great. I were recording this at night because we had to in terms of our schedules, and I managed to fall asleep both directions on a train today. That was That was lovely. I wake up at another stop anyway, did you miss your stop? I did not miss my stop. But we are dedicated, Sarah, We are kind of are dedicated. We do not want you to be doing your holiday travel and wishing that there was a new best of both World's episodes and being disappointed. And also Laura is a streaker, as we know. I'm not meaning but in terms of running, yes, but in like we've had a podcast streak, we cannot break through. We're not going to break this streak. So we are going to soldier through. Everyone's going to going to get through this. So Sarah, you're in review. I mean, this was sort of a transitional year for both of us. You went from Genevie being a baby to being a real kid now, yes, speaking in full sentences and everything. So we had no pregnancies this year, but I do feel like we kind of crossed the bridge. We got past my least favorite stage, that lovely eighteen months to you know, twelve to twenty months. But I say so, I'm kind of excited about that. And you know, next year will be my big milestone birthday year, so this was like a warm up perhaps, but transitional year, that's true. I guess I technically had my my milestone in the at the end of last year, at the you know, yes, that's true summer. So it was twenty eighteen, not twenty nineteen, although twenty nineteen was the year that I was, in fact forty for the whole year pretty much except for right here at the end. But yeah, no, it was a transitional year for me as well. I spent most of it just dating, so that added a certain special something to the experience of being forty years old. The kids are Yeah, it was, you know, a year of big kids, except that knowing we're going to be plunging back into the newborn world. So I think maybe it's good you can like appreciate it. Well, yeah, Yeah. Now I've been appreciating certain things of like they all go disappear on weekends to places like around the house and I could just do whatever, and that ability is going to disappear. And you had a civilized dinner out. We had a civilized dinner out. That was a development, a milestone. We went out to a restaurant. The six of us sat at a table. Nobody got up, nobody screamed and yelled, nobody threw anything like. We all ordered food, we ate it, we paid for it, and left it. It was a meal with no drama whatsoever. Quite exciting. But that's one reason I'm, you know, figuring out the sort of childcare puzzle to make sure we have some availability to have those experiences still with you know, I love the babies, but they're not good in restaurants, and it's nice to be able to do stuff with the big kids as well. So we're going to start that out awesome. Well, we also moved. I guess it's funny when I moved. Yeah, your list that I was seeking that happened last year, but I guess we didn't officially move into this house until January. And I did switch jobs in the middle of the year as well, kind of, so it was a lot. Yeah, it was an adjustment year, all right. So let's talk about our highlights and low lights. So we we both took Disney cruises this year. You so that was a highlight for you. Yeah, I guess it wasn't as much for you, But yes, I would say most successful f only trip that we took. We didn't take that many, but it just felt like it was right for our stage, and I think we really enjoyed going with friends. And it was my first ever cruise, so I realized I kind of always suspected I would like cruises because I love the idea of just being stuck somewhere doing nothing. So that was my favorite trip that we took. But for you, it was more of like a midlight, right you were. Yeah, Well, the kids really liked it. So I went with my mother in law and the three big kids, and they had a great time. The kids, I assume my mother in law tolerated, but the kids loved it. I had never been on a cruise before either. I can't say that cruising is probably going to be my favorite form of travel. I don't necessarily like the boat was fine, I don't know, but it's just like the whole idea of like, well, here's we have all this food, but it's not really that good of food. And yeah, the food is the food is not the best. I don't know. I guess maybe I just like it with the young kids. I like it everyone sort of forced containment and like it as an extended playdate. I like that you can get off at ports, but then like, I don't know, somehow get back on to home, baby. I don't know. I kind of enjoyed it. I felt like every time we got off the boat it was this huge production that it wouldn't have been in other circumstancescept like getting out of your hotel room, out of our hotel room would not have been like that. So yeah, I don't know, but your your low light of a trip was your your Amelia Island terrible, terrible. The irony is that we are actually in the process of booking an Amelia Island trip for this summer. Okay, you decided to go back to it. Okay, well we're not going to stay at a hotel. We're going to stay like in our own beach bungalow type thing. There's like villas that are part of a larger resort, but like you have your own buildings, so't you know, I won't have a baby crying and disturbing the peace. I also won't have a baby. I mean, I do feel like Genevieve is already different now than she was then, even though it was only a few months ago. And we're not going to combine it with Lego Land because I think everyone was kind of tired out by the time we got to Amelia Island time. We're just gonna go straight for a beach trip because we really did love the location and we loved how uncrowded the beaches were, and it felt a little bit different than South Florida. It's like on the very northern northeastern side basically. So we're gonna try it again, but in a very different style because I feel like we learned. Yeah. Yeah, we wound up taking quite a bit. I at least took quite a bit of trips this year. Partly Jasper had asked for the San Diego trip for Christmas last year, and so I took him for Martin Luther King Day weekend in January, and that was actually quite a bit of fun. He and I had a good time together. We you know, did the San Diego Zoo Safari Park and got to feed rhinos, which was pretty amazing. And also just like running on the beach in January is one of those things that you probably take for granted in South Florida, but it's not something that ever happens up here, Like it would be a pretty miserable experience to run on a beach in January here, but it was. It was awesome in California. So I quite enjoyed that we did Disney in February. That was you know, that was actually really did We did pretty well. I was a little nervous about it, but every one was old enough that it was tolerable, you know, So so that was that was not bad at all. Uh. Yeah, and I agree with you the whole whole. Like getting a villa, like an actual which was standalone instruction alone property, like when we did our our Caribbean trip, that was something that was definitely key that you know, we can just that's my new thing. Yeah. I actually i'll report back is for next year we're going to do our first Arabean b so you see how that goes. Yeah, it looks lovely better. And you guys took a couple's trip, right, you went to so Josh and I did a weekend in Nashville and it was short but sweet. We saw Casey Musk Graves and concert. I love couples trips. I always want to do one every year. Did you guys get to do one this? Yeah? We did a baby moon, a mini baby moon this past weekend. From when we were recording, I was smart, Yeah, I mean I gotta say, like, if anyone's pregnant and listening to this and thinking like I should take a baby moon, you should not do it when you're eight months pregnant, because by that point you're just too uncomfortable to like have that much fun in it. I mean, you know, I was like, I mean I still enjoy like going to the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. I love to see it, but I was literally like sitting on every bench that you're like half months. I mean you're like, yeah, it was it was rough, you know, and it's shockingly you don't feel all that amorus either. If you are in that uncomfortable what are you talking about? It so amorous? When I'm thirty seven weeks pregnant. So if the point is to enjoy a couple of time with your significant other, like you should probably take care of this before you reach that point of being just like you know, whaleish. So yes, just like the work service announcement for others to public service. Yes, I want to see Casey Musgraves. So I've been listening to I would go see again in a heartbeat. And actually it is December twenty fourth when this is airing. If anyone has not heard her Christmas album yet on all right, it's writing down it's like perfect, Oh okay, a very key Christmas. Actually I didn't really go to any concerts. Michael went to brad Paisley with boys and yeah, I was supposed to go, but I felt like crap. So I'm very much looking forward to the day then, but that like one of my kids wants to go to like a teen idol come yeah, I will secretly be like, oh that's the name. I'd be like, yes, I think I wanted to go, Like Adel, that's good. Maybe we'll do that whenever she tours again. I don't know, she has to probably have another album out for that. I got to get the kids into Billie Eilish because she's coming. Yeah, it'd be fun. I have some friends with like teen daughters who did the whole Taylor Swift thing, yes, or that that would be Yeah. I would probably enjoy that myself, but I think Ruthie is a little young. We'll have to we'll have to get there. What oh, what did you saw dear Evan Hanson this year? Yes, not New York. I saw it here, but it was pretty good. And I think we're gonna see Mean Girls is our next show. So there's a pretty good performing arts center here. I do track all this stuff, By the way, do you how do you like when you go like I, I have pages in my little accessory notebook that otherwise I don't think I would remember, Like I wrote on movies that we saw, or like little trips that we took and I had I had a section for shows this year, and I think it was the only one of these I made its own collection in your bullet journal. If it's only going to be one, yeah, you can make a broader one like of like I think it's movie movies and shows or culture, you know, put art museums in there too, or anything like that. Yeah, that's true. We saw Hamilton this fall, so you know, I got to see what all the hype. It's pretty good, right, It's pretty good. Yeah, we enjoyed it. We thought we would too, We like really liked it. Yeah, No, it was fine. I've been listening to the soundtrack and you know, on planes and stuff, and so I'm enjoying that. But yeah, so professionally, you've had a great year. Sarah got promoted. As she said, she got her new job. She has been rocking it with that, also growing her blog audience. Well, I mean, I don't know if I'm rocking it at my job. I'm learning a lot all the time, and I am I feel like it is a role. Like a lot of people say, it takes a few years to really feel like you are rocking it. So I don't know if I'm rocking it. But it's been fun to transition. It's been fun to be in charge of something. I feel like I own something a little bit so, a little scary at times, but but fun. And I've done a lot of it's funny. I actually don't have a good way of tracking this, but I've submitted, I've like done more. I think it's because like I got past the pregnancy and the pumping and stuff. So this year I said, I've had a lot of pent up stuff. Submitted a poster, submitted a couple workshops. One of them got rejected. We'll see if the other one doesn't. That it's somewhere else, right, can't she just you know, keep Yeah, I repackaged it and then collaborated with somebody, so maybe they'll like the collaboration better. And yeah, I feel like my CV got a lot of lines, so that's great, that's awesome. Sarah should be in management. That's the right place for her. So I think that's that's good. And you sold the house, so I'm looking at your list of accomplishments. This is an announcement for anybody who is keeping track. Our house is no longer our house. We are not homeowners, may never be again. We're cool that, We're very happy. Yeah, that might have been my favorite thing is off my off my shoulders. There's no more house. It's spent like three hundred and sixty nine days on zillow. Yes, that's that's one of those scary statistics. Like I've looked in our neighborhood too. Just because I mean, we've we've looked at houses, right, you know, and we're kind of limited in where we can look if we're going to stay in our schools. And yeah, all the houses that are of sort of similar size and you know whatever, or have been on the market for like three hundred days and so on. Okay, well that's a sign, I think, But maybe you're a house would be different. Different. Yeah, somehow we'd be we'd be different, we'd be the people who had the bidding more on day two. I doubt it. We can always advertise on the podcast. Speaking of advertisements, you're about to hear my voice sound a lot better for just a moment, an ad that was recorded at a separate time. Are you struggling to sleep these days? If so, you're not alone. One in three US adults doesn't get enough sleep, and if you're not sleeping enough, this can affect your cognitive functions during the day, like learning, problem solving, and decision making. A good night's sleep can be considered like a magic remedy for your brain and body. When we sleep well, we're more focused and more relaxed, and best of all, sleep makes us happier. 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We are doing our Year in Review episode with both of us semi sick and otherwise incapacitated, but soldiering through as we said, so that we would not deprive anyone of their Christmas Eve episode Best of Both Worlds, which I'm sure everyone was looking forward to immensely. I almost suggested that we like copy the how to money guys and have a beer. And then I was like, oh wait, right right, No, it's just not gonna works, not gonna work. It could have been just me. But when I was like, oh, well, she's pregnant, I'm six. That's a bad idea. Although they've been repeating episodes so after they both had their their babies in this fall, the true had their babies, but the couples had had their two babies, they they repeated some old episodes, which is an interesting idea. I guess we hadn't really. Don't worry though, we're not doing that because we plant well we could, but we could, yeah, maybe we could. Okay, well that's the thought. But if we don't, then you'll know. Actually, we've worked pretty far ahead, so we're we're not to ruin of the moment nous of the episodes coming up, but we are prepared so that should Laura go into labor, you will not be without the dually hosted episode of About exactly. So you also read thirty three books in the year four yes recounted yesterday? Yeah, yeah, and I read some really good did I put my books in here? Did so? Kitchens of the Great Midwest? I think that's been on my Did you read that? I have not yet. No, Yeah, i'd spend Ryan's since or something like that. Actually, it's it's great. It's like a little melancholy, a little legy, but not too much, so I enjoyed it a lot. I just finished Fleischmann Is in Trouble, which you kind of have to be in the right mood read because it's also it's a little harsh, but it's it's interesting and there's an interesting twist to it, which I enjoyed. And then The Gifted School I mentioned that in a prior episode. I loved it, The Mother in Law, and then of my non fiction picks, I, like everyone else, I liked Atomic Habits, and then Couples that Work Jennifer particularly. Yeah, one of our guests. It's always good when the books reached the top of the list and we have the guests on that's it. That's good, happy, happy overlap. When that happened, I abandoned four books. Ooh, another breakthrough in twenty nineteen. How many did you read? You probably read a lot? Yeah, I did. I haven't added it up yet, but I think it's north of fifty, so that's good. Definitely I can tell from your list from my list. The thing is, though there weren't that many that I was really taken with. I put on my list of some that were sort of out of the box that I enjoyed for whatever reason. I read a lot of baseball books this year. I read Kay a History of Baseball and Ten Pitches, which I would definitely recommend if you've got a baseball fan in your life. That might be a good holiday gift if you doing last minute shopping here, I guess you have to give them like the ebook at this point, but I read that. I read George Will's baseball books, his Men at Work and A Little Place on the North Side, which is his history of the Chicago Cubs in their stadium. You know, I really appreciated Men at Work just because, I mean, he makes some really good points, you know about like people talking about certain certain men as being like natural athletes, and how this so underplays like how hard they work, Like these these guys work like crazy to get to where they are, and and the fact that people think it's natural is just because we can't fathom how you know, much of a skill it is that they've been working on these things and I found that so fascinating to read. I really enjoyed that, you know, I read. I read a couple of novels that I know have made other people's lists of best books. Like I read Station eleven, which didn't come out this year, but you know, you didn't like it. I didn't like it. It was it was so well constructed, and I so as a as a piece of art and craft. It's it's like the baseball players. I can see how much work went into it, how carefully constructed it is. I am incredibly impressed with that. I also realize it's like, just because something is amazing doesn't mean it's a good book for me. I don't like dystopian literature. I just I just don't. And I'm sure that's a moral failing on my part, but no, it's not. It's not. I mean, so I haven't read it yet. Actually, but when I recently posted like books I was interested in for next year, that was I mean multiple people. I just I feel like that's been a constant recommendation for me. So I actually just reserved it at the library. I will say I don't in general dystopian. It's not that I don't enjoy them. I actually find them kind of fascinating, but they bother me. I don't like watching dystopian movie like images will haunt me for much longer than they should. I other people think it's like fun and can sort of like get pasted it easily. I can't. It's like a little too real, like even the scenes from Ready Player one, and I loved that book, Like I still just picture the stacked up things and like, I'm like, the world's gonna look like I no one know what it's worth talking about. But yeah, I agree, it's it's a genre that can be not them. Yeah. I also read The Hobbit this year, which is another one that I'm like, again, great literature, such a place in you know, literary history. Not my favorite. The sort of dark fantasy genre also not my cup of tea. You know, again, wonderful for other people. You can appreciate it, Harry Potter. So I've read the books. I enjoyed them, but yeah, some of the I actually remember. I didn't finish Book five, like because it was just so dark in the middle and I can't. I don't want to deal with this, Like it's not fun for me anymore. Five did feel like it lasted a long time. Yeah. Yeah, so there you go. That's the book. What are you listening to in terms of podcasts? Yeah, so I guess I've been more like the financial podcasts have made their way onto my feed in addition to like the typical Planet Money and for economics that I listened to before. We've talked about how the money, but also marriage, kids and money. I find that guy, I feel you like him fascinating. Okay, well, I'm curious, what's what's your I'm not saying I don't, but I'm just I'm curious what drew you to him. I don't know because we live very different lives. But I find him fascinating and I think there's something very unabashed about him, like he's just like whatever, I'm just gonna be this crazy guy. And I'm like wow, but he seems sincere about it, so I kind of like that. That's good since he and his wife both work, and he, you know, he's very into financial independence type of concepts. And yeah, he paid his mortgage in five years. I just learned, and I thought that was pretty cool. Though I don't have a mortgage. That's true, I don't have a mortgage either, but exactly the lazy genius I've been enjoying. So that's also sort of not my normal wheelhouse. I don't remember what me me pick it up. But she is a mostly stay at home mom, but she's well, I don't know, she's a work at home mom because she has a podcast and like a lot of content creation type stuff, but she's kind of scrappy. I like that about her. She comes up with a lot of interesting solutions and kind of her tagline is, you know, be a genius about the things that matter and is about the things that don't, which I think is sort of a best of both wor that's the best of both the worlds exactly. I like her. The Mom Hour I greatly enjoy. The Girls next Door is my other fun conversational one and my super recent find. So I don't know, like I haven't delved so deep, but I've enjoyed a few episodes of Simple Families that I've listened to. We I'll have to check some of those out. I've mostly been listening to How to Money Happier. Yeah, Yeah, I enjoyed it, yeah, which I haven't really added a whole lot of new stuff to my rotation this year. But fortunately a lot of these you know, they produced a couple episodes a week, and so I can listen to to those. All right, So Sarah, let's talk about what we learned in twenty nineteen. Oh, yes, well number one, get enough childcare? Yes, always good. I already knew that, but you know, it's always good to refresh yourself, you know, figure out make a mistake again by thinking, oh, I don't need it, and then realize that your life is better when you get it. Yeah, and we did move our nannies hours later because we kind of figured out that we need her less to be home alone all morning and more to be there when I'm putting the kids to bed. How How odd is that? How odd is that? Now? Well? I think that was It's a breakthrough. I realized this, like, because once you can get the kids out the door, it's like, but then you've done it right, and then you could sort of go about your day and then you have this reward in the evening of not having to do it solow. Yes, and I actually, I mean she doesn't stay for the big kid bedtime, but it's that Genevieve bedtime that's just key that I don't have to do that while I'm sort of trying to keep the other too quiet and all that. So it's been great. Yeah, the podcast is a mini job, and it's nice to have a little anue coming from it. That was my saying, So, yeah, I mean this, I love doing this podcast. It was just I think we both realized it was. It was not not that it's not a huge endeavor, but it's not nothing either, So it feels nice to get a little bit of a reward. Yes, kids are always changing, So anytime you feel like you're in a phase forever, like our trip this past summer, I think we're out of that phase already. So there you go. I can't always muscle through low moods, which I'm not I'm going to say that whole discussion for future episode, but okay, it is a learning point, yes, And then I've just been really interested in all things about finance and different kinds of investing in portfolios and things you shouldn't do, and just I really never spent a lot of time thinking about that at all. And most doctors are like the world's worst when it comes to that, and so I'm just soaking it up very interested. Yeah, well that's great. That's a good thing to good thing to learn about. All right, what did I learn in twenty nineteen? One thing that stands out is that there's no perfect housing situation. Uh that this is I mean, I know you guys have had this, you know, when you're looking at your rentals, like what would be available, Like what could you move into? I mean, what's open, what's in the price range, what's in the right place that like you have to compromise on something and whether that's you know, pay a lot and rent or you compromise in some ways on what the unit is you're renting. I mean, there there's just it's got to it's got to be something. And we've been realizing this too with looking at houses that there's nothing that's going to be perfect. And you know we've looked at some stuff that's like new construction even, but then there's something the builder did that you're just like why, like why did you do that? Because you have to go in and mix it. Any examples I want to hear, I want to hear a builder mistake, well just I mean, you know, taking a kitchen that was actually pretty decent and then making it in some way hip with like furnishings or you know, textures that just it just screams like like going so trendy that you're like, oh, China a twenty twenty house. Yeah, it's a twenty twenty house, you know, have to renovate it in like twenty twenty one because it's just that was the color of the year or something and or just but it's it's made me appreciate things about our house too. And of course our house is not perfect in any way, shape or form, but we've done a lot of work to make it more like what I want. And then there are some things that we are looking at other houses that are much more expensive and they don't have, and it's just you realize, Okay, there's no perfect situation. Do more people pick love it on love it or list it? Or do more people pick listening? I think more people pick love it because by the time they've made a house that you chose before look decent and all of the problems that were really bothering you, Like you're like, why would I move? I mean, it just seems like a total pain to move. That makes sense because you like you grew into your place, and you probably got halfway there, and then that's probably easier than starting from And I've done a few things too, Like I realized when I was walking around these houses that of course they've all been staged, and that makes them look better than my house that has six people living in it. And so one of the first things I did after all this is I finally got the dining room like stage looking. You know, we'd had an ugly tablecloth sitting on the table for like five years because you know, we didn't want to get the table dirty. But I'm like, oh, I want to look at the table, Like I bought this table because I liked the table. I want to see the table. So I took it off and put like a runner on it, nice candles, and got rid of boxes and excess clutter that was around the room. It Now now it looks pretty decent. It looks like one of these dining rooms in the houses that I was touring. So I'm like, Okay, that's great, that's awesome. Any any other big learning points. H turns out that you know, he could have a baby head age forty one. That's a happy discovery, So good, good, good discovery, discovery. Yeah, I can't wait till we get to post baby, you know, baby pictures. It will be fun. Can't wait. But yeah, so excited about that. What we would change? What are we gonna change? Or should we just skip to our question? Yeah? I feel like the changing and the learning points are like the same. Well, you want to stop multitasking at work? Right? That was your so hard? It's so hard, and yeah, but I do. I'm going to someday. Someday, I don't know or not. I mean, no, it's really inefficient. It's terrible. I'll be doing something clinical. I'm like writing a note. But then the problem is, I mean I've said this before, but half the time it's like somebody else inter rel It's very hard to get like control of your inputs. And when you're on call, actually you have no control, which is why I call is very stressful. So yeah, but and I have to remember that, like I don't have to make every minute like I'm on call, like I have control when I'm not on goal. When you're not, No, that's true. It's not a medical emergency like outlook, and then you'll be femaling it. It's not Yeah, an emergency. Yeah, I'm making progress. Actually I've had I've had some good chunks. Okay, but I guess that's a continual goal. All right, Well we'll talk about twenty Yeah. Yeah, we've got all sorts of episodes of suggesting it. We were talking about that, we're going to talk about the mustling through bad moods or not mustling through it as the case. Maybe we'll probably do something on that and magically stopping time because Laura's figured the next Ted talk will be about time travel and it won't be a dystopian novel and it'll be great, it'll be awesome. All right, So should we do our Q? And Okay, so this question comes from our listener who says, what should you do if your parents are very vocal about the number of children you hope to have? And in this case, it's not saying that she should have more, it is saying that she should have less, which is slightly more awkward. Anyway, context is that she is the only child, and she was fine with being an older child, didn't feel like she was deprived, and she got to do cool stuff. Now cut to her grown up years and she has two kids, a one year old and a three year old, and she's quite enjoying seeing their sibling dynamic develop. She says her parents have been tremendously helpful with the kids, flying in from out of state to visit frequently watching them on the weekends if they go out of town. They recently went on a ten day trip to India for a friend's wedding, and her parents watched the kids for ten days, which is pretty heroic right there. She says she is on the fence about having a third child. I love the idea of a big family and doesn't feel like her family may be complete yet. However, when she says this to her parents, they are very vocal about saying that three kids seem crazy. They will bring up stories of friends of theirs whose grandkids. The third kid always seems to have some sort of medical problem. I guess if that's trying to warn her off of this or something, I don't know. Anyway, she says it's upsetting to her that her parents are saying that they don't think they'd be able to help. It feels like it's too much. She says it would be harder to travel, of course, but she'd be willing to put that on hold for a while until the kids were older and easier to manage. I know they'd bite their tongues and love another grandchild, she says, if it were to happen. But I don't know how to manage these conversations in the meantime. Would love to hear if you two got any grief from family members about having big families. Well, so, yeah, I did not personally get any grief. I think maybe there was some surprise, but it was very supportive surprise. But my feeling is that a lot of this comes down I think to that ten day trip to India and your parents thinking, oh my god, now they want us to watch all three kids, and they're like overwhelmed by them. Your thought of that, so their reaction is to just be like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, like they're overwhelmed by that. So I do feel like you probably have to separate out and reassure them that, like, if you choose to do this, you totally understand if it means that they're not going to be able to help in the same way, or that perhaps you would maybe they could watch the older ones and you would hire the younger one, if you ever chose to go away. Yeah, because I just I wonder if a lot of this comes from that, like ten days watching the two kids. I mean, I gotta be honest, like I can't. That's amazing, Like I never have experienced in that kind of help. So you are lucky, and they do sound awesome. So in order to get them pass, I think probably emphasizing you know what your plans are logistically might be helpful. I also have this sneaking suspicion that once this child is reality, even like an ultrasound picture, they would probably get super super excited because they'd realize, oh my god, as another grandchild, Like they all the overwhelment just melt away when they were realizing it was a new baby. Yeah, that was my thought. Yeah, I think Also, I mean, because this woman was an only child, she probably has a very sort of the relationship she has with her parents, maybe different than people who were part of bigger families growing up, that she may assign a certain value to their input that other people might not. You know what I'm saying. Just that's hard because they were your whole family. It's not like there's anyone else but part of adulthood is realizing that you don't need parental approval or permission for your life choices. And as she said, they live out of state, I mean they flew into help with the kids on special occasions, so it's not like they're providing forty hours of childcare every week, and thus might even have more of a sort of say in this, like they don't. If you want to have another kid, that is between you and your partner. It's really not them. And if you want to travel, you'll travel. You'll figure something out. You may yeah, like Sarah said, send the older kids to the grant and parents and have a sitter for the younger one or something. I also suspect, like Sarah said, if you have a third kid, your parents will totally dote on the child. They will never ever suggest that this child should not exist, like once the kid actually exists, just in terms of thinking what's going on. I think it's also possible, aside from the ten day trip to India that they just lived through, that your parents may be hearing criticism of their choice to have one child. Every time you talk about how wonderful and amazing your children's sibling relationship is you know, we might wish that everyone was mature enough to be happy for other people without assuming that all such statements are judgments on them. But this is not the way human nature works. And you don't know that if this was maybe a sore point between your parents, maybe they argued over how many kids they were going to have, maybe their extended family gave them grief only having one, and so they've learned to be very focused on why that was the right choice, and just because it's not the right choice for you, they still have this conversation going. So you know, sometimes when people make sweeping statements, it's because they've had to work very hard at convincing themselves. The one last thing I would bring up is also possible is that your parents may be very invested in your professional success. This is another thing that can happen sometimes as an only child, that they are very proud of you and all you've accomplished, and they are very that's part of their identity that they've raised this person who's professionally successful, and they may think that a third kid will tank that. And because it's possible that they don't know any women who have big careers and have three children or more children. But because you are a best of both world listener, you know that it's entirely possible to have a bigger family and still have a big career. So well, yeah, maybe just tell them to listen to this podcast and ooh there you go. What a good plug, good idea. All right, so real quick, Sarah, Love of the Week. Yes, so we went on a movie date and it was so fun, So more movie dates. I enjoyed that and the movie I loved, which was Knives Out, and it was just like the quintessential movie date movie, just like a little, tight little story. It's perfect, perfect. Yeah. I in twenty my Love of the Week twenty nineteen, I've had a lot more to sort of interactions with other writers in terms of strategies, Like I have a strategy group that meets regularly. I went to a mastermind, Like there's all sorts of people I've gotten to know through that context and workshop ideas with and it's been really great, Like just this idea of creating your own colleagues in a business that is often very independent, and so I plan to continue to do more of that in twenty twenty. All right, Well, this has been best of Both Worlds. We've been doing our year in Review episode. We will be back next week with more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.