#47: Clarity Before Agreement: The Leadership Shift Most People Skip

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Eric:  Welcome to the Empower Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Pfeiffer, CEO of Empower. Coaching leadership isn't about titles or positions. It's actually about the influence and impact we have on our environments. This is where we get to learn how to operate well under pressure, lead with confidence, and drive meaningful results.

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We tend to think agreement is a sign that leadership is working, that if people on our team say yes, then understanding and ownership must exist. Agreement from our teams does not necessarily reflect clarity and understanding on their part, and many leaders ask  for agreement before we have fully articulated the vision and provided our teams a clear picture of what we're fighting for trying to accomplish the direction feels obvious to us as the leader, and so we assume it's obvious to everyone.

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Eric: Um, but our teams can't  commit to what they don't understand. And without vision and clarity and agreement or without vision and clarity agreement may feel.

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And it makes sense, right? Leader. We as leaders get frustrated when we come with a big idea that in our minds mm-hmm. It's very clear, very fully formed. Seems like a, a wonderful, brilliant idea. We bring it to our teams, um, and they all kind of nod along. And, and here's the thing. As I was reflecting on this topic, I realized this is an  area I've had to work on as a teammate, as a follower.

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But Eric, help us understand what is actually going on here. Why is this such a common refrain that we as leaders experience and how can we keep ourselves from finding ourselves in this situation? Hey Don here. I wanna interrupt for just a minute. If you've ever walked out of a meeting thinking, ah, I know better than that.

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It's about why leadership is so often won or lost in real time. In those tense conversations, emotional moments, and meetings where there is no pause button. We'll look at what pressure does to your judgment and emotional regulation and why reflecting after the fact isn't enough. We're also gonna take a look at what it actually takes to  lead well while the moment is unfolding.

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Like you had to prepare the soil, you had to plant the seed, you had to water it, it needed sunshine, it took time before that  little seedling becomes, you know, even a young plant. And I think oftentimes for people like me and for our listeners who may relate to this. We forget how much time these things took to take shape in us and then expect that we can show up and in 30 seconds or in a few minutes, be able to plant that same plant, not seed plant in our teams, and that we expect them to operate as, as if though they're now having the benefit of, uh, of what I've had over, um, over that same kind of time.

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Okay, let's, let's first address a few things that I think our listeners need to wrestle with, um, especially from a leadership perspective, right? So that's what we're gonna focus on in, in this podcast episode. Um, I think number one, we often move too quickly from the sharing of an idea. Two agreements. I think, you know, if, if, if our listeners out there anything like me, it's like  I wanna share the idea, the vision, the picture of what we're trying to fight for, and then I want us to like, okay, quickly move to strategy and then move on to execution.

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And so we  have to recognize that those, those plants, as it were, um, took time to shape within ourselves and are gonna need, maybe not the same amount of time, but are gonna need some time. To take shape within the people around us. Um, I think also to remember that what feels obvious to us is not necessarily obvious for our teams.

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To stay in this kind of half sleep, half wake space, where I have learned to enjoy my mind is kind of free to noodle on different challenges, problems, questions that I'm facing. Um, and so,  so by time I share anything with my team, I'm like, guys, how do you not understand this? How do you not get this? Like, is, is, is it not obvious?

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Eric: Um, without ever really having an opportunity to develop understanding and ownership. O of course, Don, I have never done this,  uh, with our team here at Empower Coaching.

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Because if we don't have clarity, then. Me in my own visionary ness is going to run to complete that project  out of my own paradigm, out of my own set of understanding, out of my own, what I like to call, obviously, where each of us are operating in a way that feels very obvious to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is actually not in alignment with one another.

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Eric: Yeah, that's  a great question. Um, obviously I was joking earlier when I said, you know, I've, I've never done this. I, I, I am in a terrible habit of doing this exact thing we're talking about and, and grateful over the past number of years in working together with you and or other folks on our team, when you guys have pushed back and, and, and come back and said.

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Eric: I, I, I'm absolutely guilty of having like this wonderful idea that that may be a really great idea, but it is half baked. It is not fully formed. It is, it is kind of seed below the  ground, nothing showing with kind of maybe some baby roots that are starting to push down into the soil, right?

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Um, and so I think for, for us as leaders, number one. We've gotta make sure that we're not assuming, that we are absolutely clear about what we're trying to accomplish and, and that, and that's okay. Um, and then number two, the, the, the other side of that coin is, um, making sure that we as leaders are not rushing,  you know, to the place of execution.

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How it's landing, how the other party's interpreting it. What, what, what, what Meaning they're pulling out of what we're saying. That's the other part of the, the equation. So we've gotta create this space, and I keep saying this space because if we acknowledge we needed space  between a, a, a new idea and you know, moving forward with execution.

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I need to draw that out of you. I need to sit in that space and ask enough questions.  Where I feel like we both have clarity so that then I can figure out, okay, how do I communicate this

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uh, reasons, thoughts, rationale that I know I experience very often as a leader. And then if there's anything you want to add. And I know our listeners out there are probably gonna think of some that they resonate with. Um, I think first of all, because when I have a picture of what I wanna,  an idea, when I have a bright idea, um, as a visionary, part of the way my brain is wired is that I see that idea as a reality.

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Eric: Um, so I think one is just our excitement, um, for those of us who are more visionary type folks, um, to, to kind of get  after it.

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Dawn: Yeah. Yeah. In fact, we just had a very similar conversation with a, a leader that we're working with, didn't we? And the frustration of, I, I know it so deeply in my core.  And I, and I ask other people, why can't, why don't they know it?

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Eric: Either clearly enough or often enough. Um, what we discovered was that  wasn't happening,

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Dawn: Yeah. So true. Okay, so how do we. How do we make this shift? How, like, take us back to that experience with that client or other experiences. How do we coach people to do this differently?  What is kind of our perspective on the appropriate way to make sure that we have alignment and agreement?

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It's not the starting point.  Just because our teams may love us, trust us, believe in us. I don't care how competent and capable that team is, but I think we kind of assume ownership. At the beginning of this process, rather than recognizing that ownership is something that is cultivated by creating the necessary space between, I have a great idea and execution.

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Because oftentimes, when we understand, when our teams understand the why of what we're trying to accomplish, what that does is it, it, it's like, it's like giving everybody a compass on the boat, right? Rather than us as a leader being the only person holding the compass so that we're the only person who can interpret our  direction and, and determine our kind of navigational engagement, right?

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I don't know why we're doing it. That's just the way that I was told to do it. Which as that moves down chain is  increasingly demotivating. It increasingly detaches the people down chain from the vision, from the why. Um, and then we as leaders are like, I don't understand why they're not as excited about this as I am.

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W why do you think this is so important? Why do you think this matters? And we need to have that conversation to ensure that we're all kind of more or less on the same page Now. Being on the same page does not mean that we all agree, um, on, on the language  or on the direction.

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That, that we don't, uh, we don't require agreement, uh, on everything as leaders to make decisions. The willingness to create the space for people to  wrestle is what creates, um, a greater degree of ownership on their part. Right? So we have the vision, we've gotta, what I call fight for clarity.

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Absolutely. Right. So when we get that buy-in at the beginning, now we, we can  really develop strategies, um, that everybody can own and buy into and feel like, Hey, we're, we're rowing in the same direction. We're doing this together. Um, and then obviously, you know, into execution. Um, but that, that creating that space for the dialogue, the hard questions, the tensions to brew, the misunderstandings to be massaged out.

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Dawn: That in this process, that's actually how we are fighting together for clarity and understanding. So, but, but it begs this question, Eric, how do we tell the difference  between that healthy tension where we're fighting together for clarity and kind of dysfunction or persistent misalignment? How, how do we know the difference?

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And, and  we know that there's a good hard when we're, when we're wrestling through communication and there's a bad heart. The bad heart is when we're operating out of insecurity, fear, anger, hostility, bitterness, resentment, unforgiveness, whatever. Right? And we have no interest in alignment where it's more about who's gonna win this conversation.

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In that space, but ultimately with the  deference that recognizes there is a leader in the room.

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Then that's what, that's what we start, have to look out for when people are turf protecting, when, when people become, what I would call inappropriately  resistant. When they're playing. When they're politicking, right. There's tons of examples of how people, um, become the reason that these conversations can get stuck.

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Dawn: and the interesting thing, we see this all the time over and over and over again. We get the benefit of  watching teams work through this stuff. You know, multiple times in a row.

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Yeah, but soon the team starts to understand, oh, this is part of how we  figure out how we're going to execute. This is actually step one in execution, right? Is fighting for clarity, understanding the vision, coming together as a team with alignment and then ownership on execution.

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Eric: You know, in, in, in any context imaginable. Like, you know what, what, what is, what are the  basic principles of how we engage So that, so that we have the best chance of moving forward together with the people that we're working with.

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Dawn: That's right. So what are, give us some, a few practical steps that we can take if, if  we as leaders are recognizing in ourselves, oh, this is an experience that I have on my team regularly or often, what are some things that we can start doing that will begin to create that space or cultivate the environment where our teams are understanding the vision and fighting for alignment and moving together, rowing all in the same direction.

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Uh, we, we have got to own the responsibility of fighting for the what and the why. What are we trying to accomplish? And why are we trying to accomplish it? Because those two have to be in alignment first and foremost.  Um, and then we've, we've gotta have the courage as, as leaders to recognize that we may not have a fully formed idea.

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Eric: And then  now what we're doing, what we call in our business.

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Eric: Like, come back at me, push back on me, ask questions, wrestle with this. Do you like it? Do you not like it? Does this make sense? Am I, am I, am I pulling this in, in a, in an unhelpful direction? All all of which I am guilty of.  And I've had to learn to ask you folks

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We experienced other leaders that  basically end a meeting with. Got it. Great. Got it.

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To engage, to wrestle. Uh, and I think when we skip that step as leaders, then we get confused and frustrated when our people don't push  back or ask the clarifying questions necessary. And really, we just didn't do the, we didn't give them the opportunity to do that work.

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Was with,  so a team, an executive team, uh, recently and we were, uh, working through a process that I've done probably for two or three years now with them where, you know, we kind of step back. Take stock of the landscape, of what's going on in their organization, what's going well, what's, what's not going well?

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most people would think that every great thing that's happened in that, through that organization has been that person's idea.

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And here was my thought here is this very powerful visionary leader who's already been wildly successful  but robbing themself and their team. Of the opportunity to harness the collective genius because here's the thing, no matter how great of a visionary leader this person is, they don't have all the vision in the world,

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Eric: Like, by, by challenging it, it's like how we grow our muscles. We only grow our muscles by pushing them to the point where they kind of tear a little bit and then they, they heal and, and they're stronger.

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Eric: I think many of those teams were showing the signs of what I call execution fatigue, which is I'm just doing what the boss asked me to do. 'cause I'm just trying to make them happy and make sure I get my paycheck rather than really  feeling the energy that comes from ownership

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Eric: Further devalued. And again, uh, you know, uh. It's hard because these, these issues aren't black and white. There's a lot of gray. I wanna be very careful about how I speak into this, but what I'm suggesting is there's more available to the leader in that team than what they're currently experiencing. And very often when we come into organizations, it's not because they're failing and floundering, it's because they've reached kind of, uh, uh, the peak of their  current capacity and ability to perform well.

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Just have this sense of like, there's more and we kind of are butting up against this ceiling and how do we get past it? And so this leader was recently describing to me a situation where. Several of their team's, top  performers basically just choose not to follow procedures. And for this leader that it was incredibly frustrating, right?

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Frustrating or redundant or whatever. When  was the last time you, you connected that process back to the vision of what you as a team are fighting for?

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Yeah, do I really have to do this? What's this? This stupid thing that I'm being asked to do? But what I challenged the leader to do was go back and reform that connection. Then  check for clarity. Do they understand, one, what you're asking them to do, and two, why it matters.

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Eric: And, um.  There's a lot at stake here in this conversation. Let, let, let's do this. Um, let's, let's jump into our takeaway exercise for our listeners. Um, we know that it's really difficult for you to learn while we're talking, and so we wanna take a pause and do our takeaway exercise.

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We wanna encourage you to just take a few moments of silence to consider what that is. Really lock it in your mind, write it down, put it on a voice memo, share it with uh, somebody that would be helpful. Go ahead and do that right now.

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Um, you can save your seat by going to mpw coaching.com/masterclass. And as always, the link  is in our show notes as well, if you're looking for it.

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Visit our website@mpwcoaching.com and follow us on socials for daily leadership insights. And remember, be the leader you wanna follow. See you next  time.