The Heavy Wait Diaries: Chapter 5

Previously on Miller High Life presents The Heavyweight Diaries. I 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:09.520 want ten heavyweight pitches on my desk by Monday. It's 0:00:09.520 --> 0:00:12.920 coming along ridonculously amazing. I say, let's have a listening 0:00:13.000 --> 0:00:15.640 party in a week. I pray to God. Timothy Nelson, 0:00:15.680 --> 0:00:18.880 Timothy Nelson, Timothy Nelson doesn't burst in. We can listen 0:00:18.920 --> 0:00:36.000 while eating healthy treats. In the office on Monday, Timothy 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:39.840 Nelson is seated man spreadedly at a desk between producers 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:45.120 Khalila Holt and Stevie Lane hey Man. Timothy Nelson says, 0:00:46.360 --> 0:00:51.040 why is Timothy Nelson in our office? I ask, I'm 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:53.920 here to negotiate the number of heavy's weight you demand 0:00:53.960 --> 0:01:00.640 of your staff, says Timothy Nelson. We've unionized, says producer Holt, 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:05.800 tentatively raising her fist. Timothy Nelson is our union representative. 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.319 You have authorized this man to speak on your behalf. 0:01:10.640 --> 0:01:14.679 I ask why. I've never seen this man before in 0:01:14.760 --> 0:01:19.480 my life. We all know it's a boldfaced lie. I 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:22.640 had actually been stuck with Timothy Nelson in the office 0:01:22.680 --> 0:01:26.360 elevator that very morning, as I overheard him bore one 0:01:26.400 --> 0:01:30.240 of the studio engineers with a meandering story about how 0:01:30.720 --> 0:01:33.759 he and his girlfriend had ordered delivery from the subway 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:38.880 sandwich just below his apartment. It was a sad, punishingly 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:42.399 boring tale that, after what felt like fifteen or twenty 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:46.360 interminable minutes, climaxed in some sort of gift of the 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:51.480 magi nonsense in which her sandwich ordered sans olives was 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:56.600 presented with olives, and his order ordered with olives was 0:01:56.640 --> 0:02:01.040 received without a single one. By the time I finally 0:02:01.120 --> 0:02:04.200 exited the elevator, I felt as though my brain had 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:14.360 been soaked in white out. Now we both know that 0:02:14.520 --> 0:02:19.560 ten heavyweight pitches is ridiculous, says Timothy Nelson, no longer 0:02:19.639 --> 0:02:23.840 some elevator buffoon, but a genuine threat to my dominion. 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:29.840 Everyone knows, Timothy Nelson continues, the amount of care and 0:02:30.000 --> 0:02:33.839 craft that goes into a heavyweight it makes every other 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:36.880 Gimlet show sound like two leprechauns shouting in a barrel. 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:40.120 So I'm going to assume that such a proposal is 0:02:40.280 --> 0:02:44.639 just more of your inscrutable deadpan comedy. Now, what can 0:02:44.680 --> 0:02:49.560 you reasonably propose? Who pray Telle voted for this nightmare? 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:55.440 I ask, my voice trembling gimblet Media editor Jorge Just 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:59.720 Stevie says he was in the moment Timothy Nelson promised 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:10.240 expired yogurt and Miller Highlife in the Gimlet Media break room. Oh, 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.920 how will I ever find hopeful stories of sadness and 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:17.480 regret under these working circumstances? I shriek. The shriek has 0:03:17.480 --> 0:03:21.800 barely escaped my lips. When CEO and Gimlet Media founder 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:26.000 Alex Bloomberg cranes his six hundred dollars haircut through the 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:30.799 office door, knock, knock, he calls out in a sing 0:03:30.880 --> 0:03:34.400 song voice, are we all set for our listening party? 0:03:34.960 --> 0:03:37.240 Can't wait to hear the first episode of the new 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:42.120 season of Heavyweight Union. Bylaw three oh one, Adenda two 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:46.280 dictates that all listening parties must be supplied with olives, 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:51.360 both black and green. Says Timothy Nelson. I happen to 0:03:51.400 --> 0:03:54.280 have a few jars of colamadas in my file cabinet, 0:03:54.520 --> 0:04:05.560 exclaims Bloomberg. I'll be right back in mere seconds. Bloomberg 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:09.720 would return, dressed in his listening smock, ready for a 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:13.640 preview party, at which, save for the sound of Timothy 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:17.359 Nelson gobbling fistfuls of olives and the rumblings of my 0:04:17.440 --> 0:04:22.640 own intemperate bowels, there would be absolutely nothing to listen to. 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.800 This has been Chapter five of the Heavyweight Diaries. The 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.400 next season of Heavyweight will begin in four weeks on 0:04:32.440 --> 0:04:35.400 September twenty sixth. The best place to listen to Heavyweight 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.960 is on Spotify. The second best place to listen to 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:40.960 Heavyweight is over the stadium sound system during the Super 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:45.279 Bowl halftime show, Sitting quietly in rapt attention with seventy 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:49.920 five thousand tie eyed friends. Heavyweight is me Jonathan Goldstein 0:04:49.920 --> 0:04:53.880 along with Jorge just Stevie Lane, Khalila Holt, and Ba Parker. 0:04:54.560 --> 0:04:57.920 This episode was mixed by Emma Munger, music by Bobby Lord. 0:04:58.120 --> 0:05:01.600 Our ad music is Valdi Spring performed by the Wichita 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:05.120 State University Chamber Players. Will have a new chapter of 0:05:05.160 --> 0:05:07.280 the Heavyweight Diaries next week