287 | "You Be the Baby!" — What to Do When Kids Assign You Roles — Staying Child-Centered During Dramatic Play

Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy

In this episode, I answer a question from Laura, a grad student in Canada who's navigating how to stay fully adherent to the CCPT model during dramatic play—especially when a child assigns her a role and expects her to act it out. I walk through how we maintain a reflective stance even in highly structured, imaginative play by using techniques like whispering, wondering, and deflecting responsibility back to the child.

I also share how to handle situations when children try to reverse roles or assign the therapist decision-making power. These moments are rich with therapeutic potential—but only if we stay rooted in the model. From session one, we set the tone by never taking the lead, never making decisions, and always allowing the child's cues to guide the play. This episode will help you confidently navigate dramatic play scenarios without ever stepping outside the CCPT framework.

PlayTherapyNow.com is my HUB for everything I do! playtherapynow.com. Sign up for my email newsletter, stay ahead with the latest CCPT CEU courses, personalized coaching opportunities and other opportunities you need to thrive in your CCPT practice. If you click one link in these show notes, this is the one to click!

If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast

Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

2025-04-02 19 min Transcript

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Transcript

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Laura in Canada,

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and Laura is a grad student,

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and in the last couple of months of her practicum,

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And she is at a site,

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oh my,

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what a gift,

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with a fully equipped playroom

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and is learning alongside child clients

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as well as supervis and sorry,

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gosh,

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as well as therapists and supervisors trained in CCPT.

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What a blessing,

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Laura

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I wish everyone had that experience.

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So that's something to celebrate for sure.

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Her background is in education and teaching experience

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was always in a play-based program.

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So discovering CCPT has been really meaningful,

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and she said that it feels like home,

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which I know so many of us have said those words and felt those words.

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So

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very much understand that idea.

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So her question is about dramatic play specifically

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when kids have you kind of participating in drama,

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so you are in a role and you are supposed to participate in the child's

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cues,

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what that looks like.

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So we'll dive in,

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we'll read a little bit about this,

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but before I get into that,

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I wanted to give you all a little housekeeping update.

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I just was informed

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that the

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Process or the requirements I suppose for RPT credentials have changed

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as of

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today as a matter of fact,

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April 1st

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was when this all switched over.

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They have now changed the 150 hours

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and how you can break down those training hours.

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So as of today,

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April 1st,

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they are requiring 75 face to face hours

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and 75

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non-contact or virtual hours.

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So I just wanted to let you know I'm aware of that.

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And

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you,

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many of you know that I've said I'm working diligently on

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providing every CCPT a path toward RPT exclusively in CCPT CEUs.

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So that has changed things a little bit because where it used to have different

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ratios of how you could get your hours,

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now it's a fifty-fifty split.

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So here's my commitment and here's my question.

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We will

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switch our plans a little bit.

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We will accommodate the new rules,

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and we will do everything in our power to provide you with all 150 hours

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in CCPT exclusive training

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so that you're not taking all kinds of theories,

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all kinds of models just to get your hours.

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No one should have to do that if you're fully adherent to a model.

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So that is 100% our commitment to you.

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Corwell is fully on board.

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We are fully on board.

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We are going to figure out how to make this work.

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The 75 non-contact hours will come easy.

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I can just continue to do

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the workshops and the trainings,

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but the live hours are going to be a little bit different.

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So that's my commitment.

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Here's my question.

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Please shoot me an email,

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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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And or if you're in the Collective or if you're in one of my coaching programs,

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you can message me.

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Please let me know

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what level of interest or desire

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or feasibility

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you have

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to attend

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a live conference weekend.

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In Florida with me.

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So if I put together a Tampa-based

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12-15,

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some odd hours,

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you know,

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every quarter or twice a year

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or something like that

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in CCPT,

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would you come to Florida?

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Would you hang out with me in Tampa,

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and would you be willing to get your

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live contact hours if Corwell and The Kid Counselor partnered

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for live in-person events in Florida?

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And if there's enough interest and enough people would be

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willing to come to Florida and do live training,

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Corwell is open to extending this to other areas of the country.

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So we've already been talking about New England,

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we've already been talking about a couple other locations.

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So I think Florida will be the pilot test.

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But if you all are interested and you want your hours and you want to hang out with me,

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look,

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Florida's not a hard sell,

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OK?

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We hit 90 today.

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For all of you in frigid spring temperatures where there's still snow falling,

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please know we hit 90 today

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and the beach is lovely.

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Clearwater Beach is just down the road from Tampa,

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one of the top 10 beaches in the world every year,

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hundreds of years running.

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Powder white sand,

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oh my gosh,

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it's lovely.

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Anyway,

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The point is

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I'm,

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it's not,

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I don't have to convince you to come to Florida.

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I understand,

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but will you come

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to do

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live in person CEU training toward your RPT?

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So please email me,

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let me know if you would be interested.

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This is kind of our pilot test.

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I'm gonna throw this out in the Collective and in

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the coaching programs as well and in the newsletter.

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So I'm gonna try to get all kinds of response,

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see where we are,

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and then we would likely expand that to other areas of the

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country if this is something that you all want to do.

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OK,

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so that's my housekeeping stuff.

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So now we'll dive back into Laura's question.

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So she says,

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my question is about dramatic play.

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I have a few children who often choose to engage in this style of play,

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and I'm used to following children's leads,

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tracking their actions,

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and allowing them to direct the roles.

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However,

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in my previous work,

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I also integrated additional elements such as modeling and encouraging language,

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extending play,

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supporting social emotional goals like sharing and turn taking,

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which is an obviously very different lens compared to CCPT.

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I'm sure you can hear and predict my growth edge here.

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Yes,

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I get it,

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Laura.

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I'm still working on staying in a reflective

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role using tracking rather than directing or expanding play

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and being mindful to minimize questions or problem solving for the child.

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I feel comfortable with this style of play,

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being playful and following their lead.

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But where sometimes I get stuck is when a child assigns me

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a specific role and expects me to fully act it out.

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Once we hear from the child what our role is and how they want us to play it out,

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for example,

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a misbehaving baby,

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how do we stay adherent to CCPT while actively participating in the play,

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such as restaurant house,

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puppets,

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etc.

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I wonder if you could speak to how you engage

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in this type of play while remaining aligned with CCPT.

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I think where I struggle is finding the balance between embodying the character's

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role and still maintaining my reflective stance and presence as a therapist.

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For example,

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I have a child who every session wants to create missions for me to complete,

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and he has stated that I have to make the decisions so that he can judge.

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He decides if I fail or succeed,

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and then he determines the outcome.

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He will request that I play a specific character and tell me how to act,

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but once I'm in that role,

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I get in my head about what I'm doing.

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I truly appreciate any insights that you can offer.

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OK,

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thank you for the question,

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Laura.

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That's actually a really helpful thing for us to discuss.

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OK,

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so

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let's kind of unpack this and dive deep one layer at a time.

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I 100% agree with you with your education background and all different

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kinds of agenda and directives and objectives in your earlier work.

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I can see how this would actually be quite challenging.

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It is very challenging for almost everyone that

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has come out of the education system.

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I was on a coaching call this morning and we were discussing.

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In my

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work when I was in the school system,

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this and this and this so it is a huge deviation and a very big mindset shift.

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It's almost like rewiring your brain to

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speak and act and think completely differently

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so work in progress,

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of course,

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but the fact that you're aware of it and you're

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trying to remain adherent,

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that will get you there.

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OK,

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so

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you're trying to stay reflective,

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tracking rather than directing,

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etc.

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yes,

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that's absolutely what we wanna do.

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So once we hear from the child what our role is and how they want us to play it out,

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for example,

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misbehaving baby,

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how do we stay adhering to CCPT?

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OK,

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so

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this is established

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from session one

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and I actually don't bring this up very often,

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but this is an ideal scenario to make sense of this.

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So thank you,

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Laura.

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I really appreciate it.

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We need to understand that we set the tone and the expectations,

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the very first session that a child walks in.

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So if from the very beginning,

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every time a child

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tells you to do something,

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asks you to do something,

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ask you what something is,

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ask you what something's called,

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asks you to guess,

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ask you to choose,

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asks you to do whatever,

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if your every single time consistent response

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is a returning of responsibility.

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A deflection of the answer.

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Or a whisper or an I wonder.

247
00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:13,840
The child learns from the very first session with you

248
00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:16,650
that you're never going to take initiative to

249
00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,359
do anything and therefore they adjust accordingly.

250
00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,039
It is far more difficult

251
00:09:22,289 --> 00:09:24,479
if that is not established early on

252
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,330
to then try to backtrack that.

253
00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:30,859
So I think my suggestion first and foremost is it

254
00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:33,809
has to be very clear from the very first session

255
00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,820
that we are never going to make decisions we're never going to take

256
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:39,659
initiative we're never going to have

257
00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:42,640
answers we're never going to provide information

258
00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,219
if that is established that will remain consistent in

259
00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,729
a child's mind and they will fight it less

260
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,559
so I think that's really helpful to just start there.

261
00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,700
So if you are told to be a quote misbehaving baby.

262
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,330
That is

263
00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:57,369
subjective.

264
00:09:58,359 --> 00:10:00,309
So while the child has said,

265
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,750
you're supposed to be a misbehaving baby,

266
00:10:03,359 --> 00:10:04,400
that is a cue.

267
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:09,260
But it is not complete enough for us to know how to be a misbehaving baby

268
00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:12,450
because my view of misbehaving baby is different than yours,

269
00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:15,070
Laura it's different than the child's and it's different for

270
00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:18,099
every single listener of this entire podcast all across the world

271
00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,020
because what I view,

272
00:10:20,309 --> 00:10:24,190
misbehaving baby behavior is going to be very different than everyone else's.

273
00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,969
So just because we've been told you have to be a quote bad baby.

274
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,989
Your immediate response is,

275
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:32,929
hmm,

276
00:10:33,239 --> 00:10:35,559
I don't know how a misbehaving baby acts.

277
00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:37,900
Or

278
00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:41,020
I'm not sure what a misbehaving baby does.

279
00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,440
I'm not sure.

280
00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:44,679
I don't know.

281
00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:45,869
I'm confused.

282
00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:47,969
Those are really helpful segues.

283
00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:52,380
Because you're not necessarily saying what do I do,

284
00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,440
which you can't if you're going to whisper.

285
00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:56,570
The whisper technique is used for that reason.

286
00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:59,080
It's that conspiratorial tone like,

287
00:10:59,090 --> 00:10:59,289
hey,

288
00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:00,400
I need your help.

289
00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,239
I need you to get me on board here.

290
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:05,000
What is the misbehaving baby do?

291
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:05,450
OK,

292
00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,169
that would be a really helpful whisper technique.

293
00:11:07,409 --> 00:11:08,570
You can also wonder that.

294
00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,530
I wonder what I'm supposed to do if I'm a misbehaving baby.

295
00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:14,070
All right,

296
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,349
so you have whisper technique you have wonder technique,

297
00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:18,219
but if you're not gonna use one of those,

298
00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:20,090
if you say I'm not sure,

299
00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:21,140
I don't know,

300
00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:22,619
I'm confused,

301
00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:26,140
kids love to be in the role of expert

302
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,859
kids love to be in the role of educator.

303
00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,309
So when you feign ignorance,

304
00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,219
when you feign confusion,

305
00:11:33,429 --> 00:11:35,780
when you say I just don't know,

306
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:40,419
they almost always will give you more cues and if those cues aren't enough,

307
00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:42,190
then you ask for another cue.

308
00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,640
Without asking because if we know enough to ask a question,

309
00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:45,909
we don't have to make a statement.

310
00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:46,630
So

311
00:11:46,799 --> 00:11:49,599
we get more information by use of whisper,

312
00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:49,979
Wonder,

313
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,049
or I'm not sure.

314
00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:52,849
So let's say he says,

315
00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:53,130
OK,

316
00:11:53,169 --> 00:11:54,640
you're gonna be a misbehaving baby.

317
00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:55,799
You're gonna say,

318
00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:56,400
oh,

319
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,640
I don't know how a misbehaving baby acts.

320
00:11:59,419 --> 00:11:59,429
He

321
00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:00,840
cries a lot.

322
00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:02,000
Oh.

323
00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:06,619
I wonder what kind of cry a misbehaving baby makes.

324
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:13,669
See how you're constantly drilling down because you could go waaaaa,

325
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:18,359
and that may not be at all what the child has in mind for a misbehaving baby's cry.

326
00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,780
So you're going to constantly get more information

327
00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,849
until you feel that you have very clear cues

328
00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,429
of what you're supposed to do.

329
00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,099
Then at that point

330
00:12:29,659 --> 00:12:31,890
you make a statement that confirms,

331
00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:32,940
OK,

332
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,049
so I'm a misbehaving baby

333
00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,640
and I have a loud angry cry

334
00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,530
and I have to keep saying

335
00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:41,250
I don't want to.

336
00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:43,979
And then the baby and then the child goes,

337
00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:44,669
yeah.

338
00:12:46,239 --> 00:12:47,270
So then you go,

339
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:48,679
I don't want.

340
00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:49,559
Oh,

341
00:12:50,659 --> 00:12:54,179
because you were given very direct cues of how that

342
00:12:54,179 --> 00:12:56,609
looks and what that sounds like and what to do.

343
00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,330
So I think where you're getting stuck in your head,

344
00:12:59,409 --> 00:12:59,650
Laura,

345
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:03,200
is you're trying to figure out how much liberty you can take with this.

346
00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:03,890
You know,

347
00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:04,799
do I just

348
00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:05,750
kind of go with it?

349
00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:06,929
Do I just kind of roll?

350
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,119
Do I just kind of like play a

351
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,450
play a part here?

352
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,580
No to all of the above.

353
00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:16,729
You are always waiting for very clear cues and directives,

354
00:13:17,099 --> 00:13:19,299
so you know exactly what the child has in mind,

355
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:21,049
and I tell this story all the time.

356
00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:22,489
I was early,

357
00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,049
early on in working with a little girl,

358
00:13:24,299 --> 00:13:26,940
and she tells me first time she collaboratively played with me.

359
00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:28,130
She invited me to play.

360
00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:28,739
She says,

361
00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:30,609
come over here and play dollhouse with me.

362
00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:31,929
She hands me a figure,

363
00:13:32,059 --> 00:13:32,250
says,

364
00:13:32,299 --> 00:13:33,289
I'm the mom,

365
00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,650
and she's gonna be the girl,

366
00:13:34,739 --> 00:13:35,330
and she says,

367
00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:35,590
OK,

368
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:36,580
so be the mom.

369
00:13:37,539 --> 00:13:38,440
And I said,

370
00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:40,559
I'm not sure what the mom says or does.

371
00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:42,869
Now,

372
00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:43,789
that's

373
00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,070
the lead in to the most significant piece of this.

374
00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:48,929
I am a mom.

375
00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,010
I've been a mom for 15.5 years.

376
00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:54,500
I have been a CCPT mom

377
00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:56,799
for the entirety of my son's life.

378
00:13:57,909 --> 00:14:02,349
He has only ever known child-centered play therapy as a parenting approach.

379
00:14:03,869 --> 00:14:08,070
I work diligently and I pray for God's help every single day

380
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,070
to be

381
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:14,679
kind and patient and understanding and validating and gracious and forgiving

382
00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,559
and loving and all the things that I want to be,

383
00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,969
all the things that I want my son when he's an adult.

384
00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:22,039
to say about me when someone says,

385
00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:23,679
what was your mom like growing up?

386
00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:27,090
Every day that's my aspiration,

387
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,409
and every day I ask God for the strength to do it.

388
00:14:30,489 --> 00:14:33,559
So my view of being the mom

389
00:14:33,729 --> 00:14:35,460
in that session with that little girl.

390
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:36,869
Was

391
00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:39,500
kind and patient and loving and gentle

392
00:14:39,919 --> 00:14:41,659
because that's who I try to be.

393
00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:45,809
And when I said I'm not sure what the mom says or does.

394
00:14:46,739 --> 00:14:47,580
And she goes,

395
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,070
get in your room right now.

396
00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:51,719
You're grounded.

397
00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,330
did that take the wind out of me

398
00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:56,419
because I would have never,

399
00:14:56,669 --> 00:14:57,340
never.

400
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,840
Said that in play if it was up to me,

401
00:15:00,979 --> 00:15:01,890
never.

402
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:04,809
I wouldn't have yelled I wouldn't have been angry.

403
00:15:05,059 --> 00:15:06,489
I wouldn't have had that tone.

404
00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:07,809
I wouldn't have threatened.

405
00:15:07,979 --> 00:15:08,580
I wouldn't,

406
00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:09,859
I wouldn't have done any of it.

407
00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:11,690
I hated playing that role.

408
00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:15,130
But that was her view of mom.

409
00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,320
So if we don't have the cue,

410
00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:23,409
we should not make leaps and take liberties because it undermines what

411
00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:26,359
the child is actually trying to do and what the child needs.

412
00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:28,640
She needed to play out getting yelled at.

413
00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,239
She needed to play out

414
00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:31,599
an aggressive

415
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:33,520
and angry mom.

416
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,760
She needed to play out that kind of power differential.

417
00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:39,440
She needed to do all kinds of things through that play

418
00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:41,210
and as much as it sickened me.

419
00:15:41,479 --> 00:15:43,950
I couldn't be the mom I wanted the mom to be.

420
00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,109
I had to be the mom she needed the mom to be.

421
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,210
So Laura,

422
00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:53,330
don't get caught up in trying to figure out what you need to do in the role.

423
00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:56,219
Get caught up in figuring out exactly what the

424
00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:58,820
role is intended to be through the child's eyes.

425
00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:00,809
That's gonna be a really helpful piece of this.

426
00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,260
And then finally.

427
00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,820
You said you have a child every session that

428
00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:06,539
wants to create missions for you to complete,

429
00:16:06,619 --> 00:16:10,010
and he has stated that you have to make the decisions for him to judge.

430
00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,210
So he decides if you fail or succeed and determines the outcome.

431
00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:13,580
All right,

432
00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:17,210
that's actually really fun and that's so power and control hungry.

433
00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:18,619
It's so role reversal.

434
00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:18,789
There,

435
00:16:18,859 --> 00:16:21,330
there's so much going on there in the dynamic of that play.

436
00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:23,090
That's super exciting,

437
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:23,469
but.

438
00:16:24,479 --> 00:16:25,950
When he says that

439
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,950
you have to make decisions for him to judge.

440
00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:29,890
Hmm,

441
00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:33,169
I'm not sure what decision you would want me to make.

442
00:16:33,739 --> 00:16:35,210
That's your ninja trick.

443
00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:35,940
OK.

444
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,229
I talked about this in the coaching several times,

445
00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,900
but I don't know if I've ever said it on the podcast.

446
00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:41,590
So not,

447
00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,500
I'm not sure what I should do.

448
00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,510
That's very different.

449
00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:49,119
I'm not sure what decision you would have me make.

450
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:54,049
Or I'm not sure what activity you would have me do.

451
00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:58,510
Now all of a sudden it's not you don't know what to do,

452
00:16:58,609 --> 00:17:00,409
you don't know what he would want you to do.

453
00:17:01,179 --> 00:17:03,570
And that necessitates him giving you a cue.

454
00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:06,558
So how do you spell this?

455
00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:07,448
Oh,

456
00:17:07,739 --> 00:17:11,568
after you give it like 3 rounds of returning responsibility and oh,

457
00:17:11,578 --> 00:17:13,198
you're not really sure how to spell that,

458
00:17:13,779 --> 00:17:13,979
you,

459
00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:15,298
you would really like me to tell you,

460
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,858
but you can decide when you go 3 rounds of

461
00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:20,249
that and they won't give in and they won't concede,

462
00:17:20,698 --> 00:17:21,888
then your go to is

463
00:17:22,178 --> 00:17:24,058
I'm not sure how you would spell that word.

464
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,520
Notice that that's truthful.

465
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,130
Don't lie to your kids and play sessions.

466
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,359
When a kid says what's 4 + 2,

467
00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,140
don't say you don't know.

468
00:17:33,729 --> 00:17:34,689
That's a bald face lie,

469
00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:35,520
you do know,

470
00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:36,319
I hope.

471
00:17:36,770 --> 00:17:37,329
I know we're,

472
00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:40,199
I know we're not stellar mathematicians if we go into therapy,

473
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,489
but I'm gonna hope that you know 4 + 2,

474
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,069
OK?

475
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:44,280
So

476
00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:46,280
don't say I don't know.

477
00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,280
We're supposed to feign ignorance,

478
00:17:48,290 --> 00:17:48,719
sure,

479
00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:50,479
but don't lie to your kids.

480
00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,719
That fractures relationship and it betrays trust.

481
00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:55,839
But

482
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:58,359
I don't know what you think 4 + 2 is.

483
00:17:59,569 --> 00:18:00,880
That's a truthful statement,

484
00:18:00,969 --> 00:18:04,290
and it's a workaround for when a kid is trying to get you

485
00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:08,040
to take charge or to give an answer or to figure something out.

486
00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:10,650
So when he says

487
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,689
you have to do missions and you have to decide what

488
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:14,209
you're,

489
00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,920
what you're supposed to do,

490
00:18:16,369 --> 00:18:16,520
oh,

491
00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:18,280
I'm not sure what you would have me do.

492
00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:19,040
Huh,

493
00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:21,489
you really want me to decide,

494
00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:22,060
but I,

495
00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:23,719
I don't know what you would have in mind.

496
00:18:24,589 --> 00:18:27,640
And if you keep down that road enough times,

497
00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,650
the child will give in and go,

498
00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:29,939
OK,

499
00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,089
I just want you to jump,

500
00:18:31,219 --> 00:18:31,369
or,

501
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:31,579
OK,

502
00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,439
I just want you to leap onto Bobo,

503
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:33,900
or OK,

504
00:18:33,939 --> 00:18:34,750
I want you to blah,

505
00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:35,449
oh,

506
00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:35,829
OK,

507
00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,930
so my mission is to leap on Bobo,

508
00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:39,569
and then you leap on Bobo,

509
00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:41,770
then he decides whether you passed or failed,

510
00:18:41,979 --> 00:18:43,939
and then it was fully adherent to the model.

511
00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:45,619
So Laura,

512
00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,439
I hope that's helpful.

513
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,030
I hope that's helpful for all of you.

514
00:18:48,199 --> 00:18:50,189
The Ninja tricks really are effective,

515
00:18:50,319 --> 00:18:53,479
so hopefully you can kind of file those away in your toolbox.

516
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,469
And

517
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:56,260
obviously,

518
00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:56,510
you know,

519
00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:57,859
the more adherent we are,

520
00:18:57,979 --> 00:18:59,719
the better the gains are for kids.

521
00:18:59,829 --> 00:19:02,270
So these discussions are important and so thank you

522
00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:03,869
so much for the emails that you all send.

523
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:05,569
All right.

524
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:07,050
It was lovely to be with you.

525
00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:08,160
Thanks for hanging out with me.

526
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:08,900
I love y'all.

527
00:19:08,979 --> 00:19:09,859
We'll talk again soon.

528
00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:10,260
Bye.

529
00:19:11,339 --> 00:19:14,209
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

530
00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:15,290
Brenna Hicks.

531
00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:17,410
For more episodes and resources,

532
00:19:17,569 --> 00:19:22,290
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.

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