287 | "You Be the Baby!" — What to Do When Kids Assign You Roles — Staying Child-Centered During Dramatic Play
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this episode, I answer a question from Laura, a grad student in Canada who's navigating how to stay fully adherent to the CCPT model during dramatic play—especially when a child assigns her a role and expects her to act it out. I walk through how we maintain a reflective stance even in highly structured, imaginative play by using techniques like whispering, wondering, and deflecting responsibility back to the child.
I also share how to handle situations when children try to reverse roles or assign the therapist decision-making power. These moments are rich with therapeutic potential—but only if we stay rooted in the model. From session one, we set the tone by never taking the lead, never making decisions, and always allowing the child's cues to guide the play. This episode will help you confidently navigate dramatic play scenarios without ever stepping outside the CCPT framework.
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If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
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0 00:00:00,469 --> 00:00:04,309 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks, 1 00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:08,220 your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,510 --> 00:00:08,670 Hi, 3 00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:09,750 I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, 4 00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:10,470 The Kid Counselor. 5 00:00:10,579 --> 00:00:12,550 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get 6 00:00:12,550 --> 00:00:14,979 a master class in child-centered play therapy 7 00:00:14,979 --> 00:00:17,149 and practical support and application for your 8 00:00:17,149 --> 00:00:18,819 work with children and their families. 9 00:00:19,270 --> 00:00:20,069 In today's episode, 10 00:00:20,149 --> 00:00:22,979 I am answering a question from Laura in Canada, 11 00:00:23,549 --> 00:00:26,459 and Laura is a grad student, 12 00:00:26,790 --> 00:00:28,989 and in the last couple of months of her practicum, 13 00:00:29,469 --> 00:00:31,040 And she is at a site, 14 00:00:31,180 --> 00:00:31,760 oh my, 15 00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:32,689 what a gift, 16 00:00:32,860 --> 00:00:34,849 with a fully equipped playroom 17 00:00:35,380 --> 00:00:39,130 and is learning alongside child clients 18 00:00:39,419 --> 00:00:41,580 as well as supervis and sorry, 19 00:00:41,659 --> 00:00:41,900 gosh, 20 00:00:41,979 --> 00:00:46,290 as well as therapists and supervisors trained in CCPT. 21 00:00:46,659 --> 00:00:47,740 What a blessing, 22 00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:48,669 Laura 23 00:00:48,779 --> 00:00:50,680 I wish everyone had that experience. 24 00:00:50,779 --> 00:00:53,009 So that's something to celebrate for sure. 25 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:57,020 Her background is in education and teaching experience 26 00:00:57,020 --> 00:00:58,939 was always in a play-based program. 27 00:00:59,790 --> 00:01:02,430 So discovering CCPT has been really meaningful, 28 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,000 and she said that it feels like home, 29 00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,989 which I know so many of us have said those words and felt those words. 30 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:07,440 So 31 00:01:07,839 --> 00:01:09,790 very much understand that idea. 32 00:01:10,309 --> 00:01:13,699 So her question is about dramatic play specifically 33 00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:17,699 when kids have you kind of participating in drama, 34 00:01:17,910 --> 00:01:23,470 so you are in a role and you are supposed to participate in the child's 35 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:24,459 cues, 36 00:01:24,790 --> 00:01:25,519 what that looks like. 37 00:01:25,589 --> 00:01:26,790 So we'll dive in, 38 00:01:26,870 --> 00:01:28,339 we'll read a little bit about this, 39 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,029 but before I get into that, 40 00:01:30,110 --> 00:01:32,540 I wanted to give you all a little housekeeping update. 41 00:01:33,110 --> 00:01:35,080 I just was informed 42 00:01:35,589 --> 00:01:37,000 that the 43 00:01:38,059 --> 00:01:44,370 Process or the requirements I suppose for RPT credentials have changed 44 00:01:44,650 --> 00:01:45,480 as of 45 00:01:45,930 --> 00:01:46,769 today as a matter of fact, 46 00:01:46,930 --> 00:01:47,790 April 1st 47 00:01:48,089 --> 00:01:50,230 was when this all switched over. 48 00:01:50,569 --> 00:01:53,519 They have now changed the 150 hours 49 00:01:53,849 --> 00:01:57,120 and how you can break down those training hours. 50 00:01:57,430 --> 00:01:59,120 So as of today, 51 00:01:59,330 --> 00:02:00,120 April 1st, 52 00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,720 they are requiring 75 face to face hours 53 00:02:03,970 --> 00:02:05,199 and 75 54 00:02:05,489 --> 00:02:07,480 non-contact or virtual hours. 55 00:02:08,619 --> 00:02:11,080 So I just wanted to let you know I'm aware of that. 56 00:02:11,449 --> 00:02:12,080 And 57 00:02:12,289 --> 00:02:12,720 you, 58 00:02:12,729 --> 00:02:16,360 many of you know that I've said I'm working diligently on 59 00:02:16,570 --> 00:02:22,729 providing every CCPT a path toward RPT exclusively in CCPT CEUs. 60 00:02:23,770 --> 00:02:28,589 So that has changed things a little bit because where it used to have different 61 00:02:28,929 --> 00:02:30,929 ratios of how you could get your hours, 62 00:02:31,089 --> 00:02:32,649 now it's a fifty-fifty split. 63 00:02:33,419 --> 00:02:36,250 So here's my commitment and here's my question. 64 00:02:37,399 --> 00:02:38,309 We will 65 00:02:38,679 --> 00:02:40,039 switch our plans a little bit. 66 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,990 We will accommodate the new rules, 67 00:02:42,279 --> 00:02:46,720 and we will do everything in our power to provide you with all 150 hours 68 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:49,070 in CCPT exclusive training 69 00:02:49,509 --> 00:02:51,520 so that you're not taking all kinds of theories, 70 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:53,710 all kinds of models just to get your hours. 71 00:02:54,059 --> 00:02:56,910 No one should have to do that if you're fully adherent to a model. 72 00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:00,210 So that is 100% our commitment to you. 73 00:03:00,339 --> 00:03:02,000 Corwell is fully on board. 74 00:03:02,169 --> 00:03:03,360 We are fully on board. 75 00:03:03,649 --> 00:03:05,600 We are going to figure out how to make this work. 76 00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:08,160 The 75 non-contact hours will come easy. 77 00:03:08,250 --> 00:03:09,759 I can just continue to do 78 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:11,399 the workshops and the trainings, 79 00:03:11,770 --> 00:03:14,639 but the live hours are going to be a little bit different. 80 00:03:14,729 --> 00:03:16,210 So that's my commitment. 81 00:03:16,250 --> 00:03:17,130 Here's my question. 82 00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,729 Please shoot me an email, 83 00:03:20,270 --> 00:03:22,330 brenna@thekidcounselor.com. 84 00:03:22,779 --> 00:03:26,339 And or if you're in the Collective or if you're in one of my coaching programs, 85 00:03:26,419 --> 00:03:27,470 you can message me. 86 00:03:29,050 --> 00:03:30,389 Please let me know 87 00:03:30,850 --> 00:03:33,360 what level of interest or desire 88 00:03:33,610 --> 00:03:34,839 or feasibility 89 00:03:35,039 --> 00:03:35,960 you have 90 00:03:36,369 --> 00:03:37,360 to attend 91 00:03:38,089 --> 00:03:40,009 a live conference weekend. 92 00:03:40,910 --> 00:03:42,139 In Florida with me. 93 00:03:43,020 --> 00:03:46,070 So if I put together a Tampa-based 94 00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,149 12-15, 95 00:03:48,259 --> 00:03:49,330 some odd hours, 96 00:03:49,460 --> 00:03:49,619 you know, 97 00:03:49,699 --> 00:03:51,770 every quarter or twice a year 98 00:03:52,059 --> 00:03:53,210 or something like that 99 00:03:53,419 --> 00:03:54,570 in CCPT, 100 00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:56,210 would you come to Florida? 101 00:03:56,339 --> 00:03:58,009 Would you hang out with me in Tampa, 102 00:03:58,449 --> 00:04:00,259 and would you be willing to get your 103 00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:04,619 live contact hours if Corwell and The Kid Counselor partnered 104 00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:07,020 for live in-person events in Florida? 105 00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:10,699 And if there's enough interest and enough people would be 106 00:04:10,699 --> 00:04:14,119 willing to come to Florida and do live training, 107 00:04:15,029 --> 00:04:19,269 Corwell is open to extending this to other areas of the country. 108 00:04:20,178 --> 00:04:22,609 So we've already been talking about New England, 109 00:04:22,750 --> 00:04:25,260 we've already been talking about a couple other locations. 110 00:04:26,190 --> 00:04:28,339 So I think Florida will be the pilot test. 111 00:04:29,209 --> 00:04:32,899 But if you all are interested and you want your hours and you want to hang out with me, 112 00:04:32,980 --> 00:04:33,100 look, 113 00:04:33,179 --> 00:04:34,299 Florida's not a hard sell, 114 00:04:34,420 --> 00:04:35,010 OK? 115 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:36,570 We hit 90 today. 116 00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:40,660 For all of you in frigid spring temperatures where there's still snow falling, 117 00:04:40,820 --> 00:04:42,570 please know we hit 90 today 118 00:04:42,859 --> 00:04:44,329 and the beach is lovely. 119 00:04:44,540 --> 00:04:46,890 Clearwater Beach is just down the road from Tampa, 120 00:04:47,059 --> 00:04:50,010 one of the top 10 beaches in the world every year, 121 00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,809 hundreds of years running. 122 00:04:52,579 --> 00:04:53,540 Powder white sand, 123 00:04:53,619 --> 00:04:53,980 oh my gosh, 124 00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:54,470 it's lovely. 125 00:04:54,579 --> 00:04:54,899 Anyway, 126 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:56,579 The point is 127 00:04:56,910 --> 00:04:57,109 I'm, 128 00:04:57,220 --> 00:04:57,649 it's not, 129 00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,190 I don't have to convince you to come to Florida. 130 00:04:59,230 --> 00:04:59,940 I understand, 131 00:05:00,510 --> 00:05:01,820 but will you come 132 00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:02,859 to do 133 00:05:03,149 --> 00:05:06,079 live in person CEU training toward your RPT? 134 00:05:06,519 --> 00:05:07,670 So please email me, 135 00:05:07,709 --> 00:05:09,739 let me know if you would be interested. 136 00:05:09,950 --> 00:05:11,230 This is kind of our pilot test. 137 00:05:11,309 --> 00:05:12,910 I'm gonna throw this out in the Collective and in 138 00:05:12,910 --> 00:05:15,359 the coaching programs as well and in the newsletter. 139 00:05:15,510 --> 00:05:17,470 So I'm gonna try to get all kinds of response, 140 00:05:17,670 --> 00:05:18,459 see where we are, 141 00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:21,230 and then we would likely expand that to other areas of the 142 00:05:21,230 --> 00:05:23,470 country if this is something that you all want to do. 143 00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:24,760 OK, 144 00:05:25,079 --> 00:05:26,350 so that's my housekeeping stuff. 145 00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:29,510 So now we'll dive back into Laura's question. 146 00:05:30,429 --> 00:05:31,579 So she says, 147 00:05:31,670 --> 00:05:33,299 my question is about dramatic play. 148 00:05:34,109 --> 00:05:37,109 I have a few children who often choose to engage in this style of play, 149 00:05:37,149 --> 00:05:39,190 and I'm used to following children's leads, 150 00:05:39,429 --> 00:05:40,230 tracking their actions, 151 00:05:40,269 --> 00:05:42,070 and allowing them to direct the roles. 152 00:05:42,190 --> 00:05:42,500 However, 153 00:05:42,549 --> 00:05:43,579 in my previous work, 154 00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:48,339 I also integrated additional elements such as modeling and encouraging language, 155 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:49,459 extending play, 156 00:05:49,829 --> 00:05:52,859 supporting social emotional goals like sharing and turn taking, 157 00:05:53,109 --> 00:05:56,750 which is an obviously very different lens compared to CCPT. 158 00:05:56,910 --> 00:05:59,570 I'm sure you can hear and predict my growth edge here. 159 00:05:59,910 --> 00:06:00,070 Yes, 160 00:06:00,230 --> 00:06:00,600 I get it, 161 00:06:00,630 --> 00:06:00,950 Laura. 162 00:06:01,390 --> 00:06:03,420 I'm still working on staying in a reflective 163 00:06:03,420 --> 00:06:06,670 role using tracking rather than directing or expanding play 164 00:06:06,899 --> 00:06:10,410 and being mindful to minimize questions or problem solving for the child. 165 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,450 I feel comfortable with this style of play, 166 00:06:12,579 --> 00:06:14,420 being playful and following their lead. 167 00:06:14,709 --> 00:06:17,339 But where sometimes I get stuck is when a child assigns me 168 00:06:17,339 --> 00:06:20,690 a specific role and expects me to fully act it out. 169 00:06:20,940 --> 00:06:24,690 Once we hear from the child what our role is and how they want us to play it out, 170 00:06:24,899 --> 00:06:25,380 for example, 171 00:06:25,459 --> 00:06:27,010 a misbehaving baby, 172 00:06:27,339 --> 00:06:31,850 how do we stay adherent to CCPT while actively participating in the play, 173 00:06:32,179 --> 00:06:33,549 such as restaurant house, 174 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:34,100 puppets, 175 00:06:34,179 --> 00:06:34,559 etc. 176 00:06:35,220 --> 00:06:37,059 I wonder if you could speak to how you engage 177 00:06:37,059 --> 00:06:39,859 in this type of play while remaining aligned with CCPT. 178 00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:44,000 I think where I struggle is finding the balance between embodying the character's 179 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,269 role and still maintaining my reflective stance and presence as a therapist. 180 00:06:48,519 --> 00:06:49,000 For example, 181 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:52,790 I have a child who every session wants to create missions for me to complete, 182 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:57,190 and he has stated that I have to make the decisions so that he can judge. 183 00:06:57,519 --> 00:06:59,910 He decides if I fail or succeed, 184 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:01,829 and then he determines the outcome. 185 00:07:02,399 --> 00:07:06,470 He will request that I play a specific character and tell me how to act, 186 00:07:06,679 --> 00:07:08,059 but once I'm in that role, 187 00:07:08,239 --> 00:07:09,890 I get in my head about what I'm doing. 188 00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:12,529 I truly appreciate any insights that you can offer. 189 00:07:13,369 --> 00:07:13,850 OK, 190 00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:14,839 thank you for the question, 191 00:07:14,850 --> 00:07:15,089 Laura. 192 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:17,480 That's actually a really helpful thing for us to discuss. 193 00:07:18,290 --> 00:07:18,690 OK, 194 00:07:18,970 --> 00:07:19,480 so 195 00:07:19,730 --> 00:07:23,720 let's kind of unpack this and dive deep one layer at a time. 196 00:07:24,910 --> 00:07:29,500 I 100% agree with you with your education background and all different 197 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:34,130 kinds of agenda and directives and objectives in your earlier work. 198 00:07:34,500 --> 00:07:36,859 I can see how this would actually be quite challenging. 199 00:07:36,940 --> 00:07:39,220 It is very challenging for almost everyone that 200 00:07:39,220 --> 00:07:41,010 has come out of the education system. 201 00:07:41,459 --> 00:07:44,779 I was on a coaching call this morning and we were discussing. 202 00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:46,200 In my 203 00:07:46,329 --> 00:07:48,160 work when I was in the school system, 204 00:07:48,230 --> 00:07:53,679 this and this and this so it is a huge deviation and a very big mindset shift. 205 00:07:53,769 --> 00:07:55,609 It's almost like rewiring your brain to 206 00:07:55,609 --> 00:07:57,760 speak and act and think completely differently 207 00:07:58,089 --> 00:07:59,290 so work in progress, 208 00:07:59,350 --> 00:08:00,000 of course, 209 00:08:00,209 --> 00:08:03,230 but the fact that you're aware of it and you're 210 00:08:03,489 --> 00:08:04,779 trying to remain adherent, 211 00:08:04,970 --> 00:08:06,000 that will get you there. 212 00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:07,059 OK, 213 00:08:07,410 --> 00:08:07,760 so 214 00:08:07,929 --> 00:08:09,839 you're trying to stay reflective, 215 00:08:10,010 --> 00:08:11,089 tracking rather than directing, 216 00:08:11,119 --> 00:08:11,450 etc. 217 00:08:11,609 --> 00:08:11,769 yes, 218 00:08:11,850 --> 00:08:13,250 that's absolutely what we wanna do. 219 00:08:13,980 --> 00:08:18,660 So once we hear from the child what our role is and how they want us to play it out, 220 00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:19,130 for example, 221 00:08:19,269 --> 00:08:20,730 misbehaving baby, 222 00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,049 how do we stay adhering to CCPT? 223 00:08:23,339 --> 00:08:23,950 OK, 224 00:08:24,459 --> 00:08:24,890 so 225 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,609 this is established 226 00:08:26,899 --> 00:08:28,250 from session one 227 00:08:28,579 --> 00:08:30,299 and I actually don't bring this up very often, 228 00:08:30,399 --> 00:08:33,539 but this is an ideal scenario to make sense of this. 229 00:08:33,659 --> 00:08:34,140 So thank you, 230 00:08:34,229 --> 00:08:34,489 Laura. 231 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:35,140 I really appreciate it. 232 00:08:36,190 --> 00:08:39,760 We need to understand that we set the tone and the expectations, 233 00:08:39,890 --> 00:08:42,239 the very first session that a child walks in. 234 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,909 So if from the very beginning, 235 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,789 every time a child 236 00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:49,119 tells you to do something, 237 00:08:49,210 --> 00:08:50,409 asks you to do something, 238 00:08:50,479 --> 00:08:51,640 ask you what something is, 239 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:53,150 ask you what something's called, 240 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,390 asks you to guess, 241 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:55,630 ask you to choose, 242 00:08:55,799 --> 00:08:57,030 asks you to do whatever, 243 00:08:57,309 --> 00:09:00,909 if your every single time consistent response 244 00:09:01,239 --> 00:09:03,150 is a returning of responsibility. 245 00:09:04,070 --> 00:09:06,229 A deflection of the answer. 246 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:09,250 Or a whisper or an I wonder. 247 00:09:10,119 --> 00:09:13,840 The child learns from the very first session with you 248 00:09:14,330 --> 00:09:16,650 that you're never going to take initiative to 249 00:09:16,650 --> 00:09:19,359 do anything and therefore they adjust accordingly. 250 00:09:20,059 --> 00:09:22,039 It is far more difficult 251 00:09:22,289 --> 00:09:24,479 if that is not established early on 252 00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,330 to then try to backtrack that. 253 00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:30,859 So I think my suggestion first and foremost is it 254 00:09:30,859 --> 00:09:33,809 has to be very clear from the very first session 255 00:09:34,380 --> 00:09:37,820 that we are never going to make decisions we're never going to take 256 00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:39,659 initiative we're never going to have 257 00:09:39,659 --> 00:09:42,640 answers we're never going to provide information 258 00:09:42,880 --> 00:09:46,219 if that is established that will remain consistent in 259 00:09:46,219 --> 00:09:48,729 a child's mind and they will fight it less 260 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,559 so I think that's really helpful to just start there. 261 00:09:52,020 --> 00:09:54,700 So if you are told to be a quote misbehaving baby. 262 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:56,330 That is 263 00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:57,369 subjective. 264 00:09:58,359 --> 00:10:00,309 So while the child has said, 265 00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:02,750 you're supposed to be a misbehaving baby, 266 00:10:03,359 --> 00:10:04,400 that is a cue. 267 00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:09,260 But it is not complete enough for us to know how to be a misbehaving baby 268 00:10:09,590 --> 00:10:12,450 because my view of misbehaving baby is different than yours, 269 00:10:12,460 --> 00:10:15,070 Laura it's different than the child's and it's different for 270 00:10:15,070 --> 00:10:18,099 every single listener of this entire podcast all across the world 271 00:10:18,580 --> 00:10:20,020 because what I view, 272 00:10:20,309 --> 00:10:24,190 misbehaving baby behavior is going to be very different than everyone else's. 273 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:28,969 So just because we've been told you have to be a quote bad baby. 274 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:31,989 Your immediate response is, 275 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:32,929 hmm, 276 00:10:33,239 --> 00:10:35,559 I don't know how a misbehaving baby acts. 277 00:10:36,750 --> 00:10:37,900 Or 278 00:10:38,590 --> 00:10:41,020 I'm not sure what a misbehaving baby does. 279 00:10:42,409 --> 00:10:43,440 I'm not sure. 280 00:10:43,650 --> 00:10:44,679 I don't know. 281 00:10:44,890 --> 00:10:45,869 I'm confused. 282 00:10:46,049 --> 00:10:47,969 Those are really helpful segues. 283 00:10:49,090 --> 00:10:52,380 Because you're not necessarily saying what do I do, 284 00:10:52,570 --> 00:10:54,440 which you can't if you're going to whisper. 285 00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:56,570 The whisper technique is used for that reason. 286 00:10:56,650 --> 00:10:59,080 It's that conspiratorial tone like, 287 00:10:59,090 --> 00:10:59,289 hey, 288 00:10:59,489 --> 00:11:00,400 I need your help. 289 00:11:00,530 --> 00:11:02,239 I need you to get me on board here. 290 00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:05,000 What is the misbehaving baby do? 291 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:05,450 OK, 292 00:11:05,570 --> 00:11:07,169 that would be a really helpful whisper technique. 293 00:11:07,409 --> 00:11:08,570 You can also wonder that. 294 00:11:09,280 --> 00:11:12,530 I wonder what I'm supposed to do if I'm a misbehaving baby. 295 00:11:13,710 --> 00:11:14,070 All right, 296 00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:16,349 so you have whisper technique you have wonder technique, 297 00:11:16,469 --> 00:11:18,219 but if you're not gonna use one of those, 298 00:11:18,580 --> 00:11:20,090 if you say I'm not sure, 299 00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:21,140 I don't know, 300 00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:22,619 I'm confused, 301 00:11:23,229 --> 00:11:26,140 kids love to be in the role of expert 302 00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,859 kids love to be in the role of educator. 303 00:11:29,469 --> 00:11:31,309 So when you feign ignorance, 304 00:11:31,429 --> 00:11:33,219 when you feign confusion, 305 00:11:33,429 --> 00:11:35,780 when you say I just don't know, 306 00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:40,419 they almost always will give you more cues and if those cues aren't enough, 307 00:11:40,590 --> 00:11:42,190 then you ask for another cue. 308 00:11:42,679 --> 00:11:44,640 Without asking because if we know enough to ask a question, 309 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:45,909 we don't have to make a statement. 310 00:11:46,159 --> 00:11:46,630 So 311 00:11:46,799 --> 00:11:49,599 we get more information by use of whisper, 312 00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:49,979 Wonder, 313 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,049 or I'm not sure. 314 00:11:51,929 --> 00:11:52,849 So let's say he says, 315 00:11:52,929 --> 00:11:53,130 OK, 316 00:11:53,169 --> 00:11:54,640 you're gonna be a misbehaving baby. 317 00:11:55,140 --> 00:11:55,799 You're gonna say, 318 00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:56,400 oh, 319 00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:58,640 I don't know how a misbehaving baby acts. 320 00:11:59,419 --> 00:11:59,429 He 321 00:11:59,650 --> 00:12:00,840 cries a lot. 322 00:12:01,409 --> 00:12:02,000 Oh. 323 00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:06,619 I wonder what kind of cry a misbehaving baby makes. 324 00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:13,669 See how you're constantly drilling down because you could go waaaaa, 325 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:18,359 and that may not be at all what the child has in mind for a misbehaving baby's cry. 326 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:22,780 So you're going to constantly get more information 327 00:12:22,780 --> 00:12:25,849 until you feel that you have very clear cues 328 00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:27,429 of what you're supposed to do. 329 00:12:27,659 --> 00:12:29,099 Then at that point 330 00:12:29,659 --> 00:12:31,890 you make a statement that confirms, 331 00:12:32,340 --> 00:12:32,940 OK, 332 00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,049 so I'm a misbehaving baby 333 00:12:35,340 --> 00:12:37,640 and I have a loud angry cry 334 00:12:37,940 --> 00:12:39,530 and I have to keep saying 335 00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:41,250 I don't want to. 336 00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:43,979 And then the baby and then the child goes, 337 00:12:44,190 --> 00:12:44,669 yeah. 338 00:12:46,239 --> 00:12:47,270 So then you go, 339 00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:48,679 I don't want. 340 00:12:49,549 --> 00:12:49,559 Oh, 341 00:12:50,659 --> 00:12:54,179 because you were given very direct cues of how that 342 00:12:54,179 --> 00:12:56,609 looks and what that sounds like and what to do. 343 00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:59,330 So I think where you're getting stuck in your head, 344 00:12:59,409 --> 00:12:59,650 Laura, 345 00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:03,200 is you're trying to figure out how much liberty you can take with this. 346 00:13:03,729 --> 00:13:03,890 You know, 347 00:13:03,969 --> 00:13:04,799 do I just 348 00:13:04,969 --> 00:13:05,750 kind of go with it? 349 00:13:05,809 --> 00:13:06,929 Do I just kind of roll? 350 00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,119 Do I just kind of like play a 351 00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:10,450 play a part here? 352 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,580 No to all of the above. 353 00:13:12,619 --> 00:13:16,729 You are always waiting for very clear cues and directives, 354 00:13:17,099 --> 00:13:19,299 so you know exactly what the child has in mind, 355 00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:21,049 and I tell this story all the time. 356 00:13:21,349 --> 00:13:22,489 I was early, 357 00:13:22,500 --> 00:13:24,049 early on in working with a little girl, 358 00:13:24,299 --> 00:13:26,940 and she tells me first time she collaboratively played with me. 359 00:13:27,020 --> 00:13:28,130 She invited me to play. 360 00:13:28,450 --> 00:13:28,739 She says, 361 00:13:28,799 --> 00:13:30,609 come over here and play dollhouse with me. 362 00:13:30,890 --> 00:13:31,929 She hands me a figure, 363 00:13:32,059 --> 00:13:32,250 says, 364 00:13:32,299 --> 00:13:33,289 I'm the mom, 365 00:13:33,580 --> 00:13:34,650 and she's gonna be the girl, 366 00:13:34,739 --> 00:13:35,330 and she says, 367 00:13:35,380 --> 00:13:35,590 OK, 368 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:36,580 so be the mom. 369 00:13:37,539 --> 00:13:38,440 And I said, 370 00:13:38,690 --> 00:13:40,559 I'm not sure what the mom says or does. 371 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:42,869 Now, 372 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:43,789 that's 373 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,070 the lead in to the most significant piece of this. 374 00:13:47,989 --> 00:13:48,929 I am a mom. 375 00:13:49,020 --> 00:13:51,010 I've been a mom for 15.5 years. 376 00:13:52,369 --> 00:13:54,500 I have been a CCPT mom 377 00:13:54,929 --> 00:13:56,799 for the entirety of my son's life. 378 00:13:57,909 --> 00:14:02,349 He has only ever known child-centered play therapy as a parenting approach. 379 00:14:03,869 --> 00:14:08,070 I work diligently and I pray for God's help every single day 380 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,070 to be 381 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:14,679 kind and patient and understanding and validating and gracious and forgiving 382 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,559 and loving and all the things that I want to be, 383 00:14:16,599 --> 00:14:18,969 all the things that I want my son when he's an adult. 384 00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:22,039 to say about me when someone says, 385 00:14:22,210 --> 00:14:23,679 what was your mom like growing up? 386 00:14:25,010 --> 00:14:27,090 Every day that's my aspiration, 387 00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:29,409 and every day I ask God for the strength to do it. 388 00:14:30,489 --> 00:14:33,559 So my view of being the mom 389 00:14:33,729 --> 00:14:35,460 in that session with that little girl. 390 00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:36,869 Was 391 00:14:37,190 --> 00:14:39,500 kind and patient and loving and gentle 392 00:14:39,919 --> 00:14:41,659 because that's who I try to be. 393 00:14:43,130 --> 00:14:45,809 And when I said I'm not sure what the mom says or does. 394 00:14:46,739 --> 00:14:47,580 And she goes, 395 00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:49,070 get in your room right now. 396 00:14:49,150 --> 00:14:51,719 You're grounded. 397 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:54,330 did that take the wind out of me 398 00:14:54,979 --> 00:14:56,419 because I would have never, 399 00:14:56,669 --> 00:14:57,340 never. 400 00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,840 Said that in play if it was up to me, 401 00:15:00,979 --> 00:15:01,890 never. 402 00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:04,809 I wouldn't have yelled I wouldn't have been angry. 403 00:15:05,059 --> 00:15:06,489 I wouldn't have had that tone. 404 00:15:06,609 --> 00:15:07,809 I wouldn't have threatened. 405 00:15:07,979 --> 00:15:08,580 I wouldn't, 406 00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:09,859 I wouldn't have done any of it. 407 00:15:09,969 --> 00:15:11,690 I hated playing that role. 408 00:15:12,919 --> 00:15:15,130 But that was her view of mom. 409 00:15:16,270 --> 00:15:18,320 So if we don't have the cue, 410 00:15:18,929 --> 00:15:23,409 we should not make leaps and take liberties because it undermines what 411 00:15:23,409 --> 00:15:26,359 the child is actually trying to do and what the child needs. 412 00:15:26,489 --> 00:15:28,640 She needed to play out getting yelled at. 413 00:15:28,929 --> 00:15:30,239 She needed to play out 414 00:15:30,489 --> 00:15:31,599 an aggressive 415 00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:33,520 and angry mom. 416 00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,760 She needed to play out that kind of power differential. 417 00:15:37,049 --> 00:15:39,440 She needed to do all kinds of things through that play 418 00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:41,210 and as much as it sickened me. 419 00:15:41,479 --> 00:15:43,950 I couldn't be the mom I wanted the mom to be. 420 00:15:44,030 --> 00:15:46,109 I had to be the mom she needed the mom to be. 421 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,210 So Laura, 422 00:15:48,260 --> 00:15:53,330 don't get caught up in trying to figure out what you need to do in the role. 423 00:15:53,739 --> 00:15:56,219 Get caught up in figuring out exactly what the 424 00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:58,820 role is intended to be through the child's eyes. 425 00:15:58,940 --> 00:16:00,809 That's gonna be a really helpful piece of this. 426 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:02,260 And then finally. 427 00:16:03,020 --> 00:16:04,820 You said you have a child every session that 428 00:16:04,820 --> 00:16:06,539 wants to create missions for you to complete, 429 00:16:06,619 --> 00:16:10,010 and he has stated that you have to make the decisions for him to judge. 430 00:16:10,260 --> 00:16:13,210 So he decides if you fail or succeed and determines the outcome. 431 00:16:13,380 --> 00:16:13,580 All right, 432 00:16:13,799 --> 00:16:17,210 that's actually really fun and that's so power and control hungry. 433 00:16:17,380 --> 00:16:18,619 It's so role reversal. 434 00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:18,789 There, 435 00:16:18,859 --> 00:16:21,330 there's so much going on there in the dynamic of that play. 436 00:16:22,150 --> 00:16:23,090 That's super exciting, 437 00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:23,469 but. 438 00:16:24,479 --> 00:16:25,950 When he says that 439 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,950 you have to make decisions for him to judge. 440 00:16:29,869 --> 00:16:29,890 Hmm, 441 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:33,169 I'm not sure what decision you would want me to make. 442 00:16:33,739 --> 00:16:35,210 That's your ninja trick. 443 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:35,940 OK. 444 00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,229 I talked about this in the coaching several times, 445 00:16:38,260 --> 00:16:39,900 but I don't know if I've ever said it on the podcast. 446 00:16:40,780 --> 00:16:41,590 So not, 447 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:43,500 I'm not sure what I should do. 448 00:16:43,669 --> 00:16:44,510 That's very different. 449 00:16:45,669 --> 00:16:49,119 I'm not sure what decision you would have me make. 450 00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:54,049 Or I'm not sure what activity you would have me do. 451 00:16:55,229 --> 00:16:58,510 Now all of a sudden it's not you don't know what to do, 452 00:16:58,609 --> 00:17:00,409 you don't know what he would want you to do. 453 00:17:01,179 --> 00:17:03,570 And that necessitates him giving you a cue. 454 00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:06,558 So how do you spell this? 455 00:17:06,739 --> 00:17:07,448 Oh, 456 00:17:07,739 --> 00:17:11,568 after you give it like 3 rounds of returning responsibility and oh, 457 00:17:11,578 --> 00:17:13,198 you're not really sure how to spell that, 458 00:17:13,779 --> 00:17:13,979 you, 459 00:17:14,058 --> 00:17:15,298 you would really like me to tell you, 460 00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,858 but you can decide when you go 3 rounds of 461 00:17:17,858 --> 00:17:20,249 that and they won't give in and they won't concede, 462 00:17:20,698 --> 00:17:21,888 then your go to is 463 00:17:22,178 --> 00:17:24,058 I'm not sure how you would spell that word. 464 00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:26,520 Notice that that's truthful. 465 00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:29,130 Don't lie to your kids and play sessions. 466 00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,359 When a kid says what's 4 + 2, 467 00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:33,140 don't say you don't know. 468 00:17:33,729 --> 00:17:34,689 That's a bald face lie, 469 00:17:34,770 --> 00:17:35,520 you do know, 470 00:17:35,689 --> 00:17:36,319 I hope. 471 00:17:36,770 --> 00:17:37,329 I know we're, 472 00:17:37,530 --> 00:17:40,199 I know we're not stellar mathematicians if we go into therapy, 473 00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:42,489 but I'm gonna hope that you know 4 + 2, 474 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,069 OK? 475 00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:44,280 So 476 00:17:44,890 --> 00:17:46,280 don't say I don't know. 477 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:48,280 We're supposed to feign ignorance, 478 00:17:48,290 --> 00:17:48,719 sure, 479 00:17:48,890 --> 00:17:50,479 but don't lie to your kids. 480 00:17:51,170 --> 00:17:54,719 That fractures relationship and it betrays trust. 481 00:17:55,410 --> 00:17:55,839 But 482 00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:58,359 I don't know what you think 4 + 2 is. 483 00:17:59,569 --> 00:18:00,880 That's a truthful statement, 484 00:18:00,969 --> 00:18:04,290 and it's a workaround for when a kid is trying to get you 485 00:18:04,290 --> 00:18:08,040 to take charge or to give an answer or to figure something out. 486 00:18:08,869 --> 00:18:10,650 So when he says 487 00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:13,689 you have to do missions and you have to decide what 488 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:14,209 you're, 489 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:15,920 what you're supposed to do, 490 00:18:16,369 --> 00:18:16,520 oh, 491 00:18:16,650 --> 00:18:18,280 I'm not sure what you would have me do. 492 00:18:19,020 --> 00:18:19,040 Huh, 493 00:18:20,290 --> 00:18:21,489 you really want me to decide, 494 00:18:21,569 --> 00:18:22,060 but I, 495 00:18:22,130 --> 00:18:23,719 I don't know what you would have in mind. 496 00:18:24,589 --> 00:18:27,640 And if you keep down that road enough times, 497 00:18:28,020 --> 00:18:29,650 the child will give in and go, 498 00:18:29,739 --> 00:18:29,939 OK, 499 00:18:30,020 --> 00:18:31,089 I just want you to jump, 500 00:18:31,219 --> 00:18:31,369 or, 501 00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:31,579 OK, 502 00:18:31,660 --> 00:18:33,439 I just want you to leap onto Bobo, 503 00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:33,900 or OK, 504 00:18:33,939 --> 00:18:34,750 I want you to blah, 505 00:18:34,939 --> 00:18:35,449 oh, 506 00:18:35,579 --> 00:18:35,829 OK, 507 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:37,930 so my mission is to leap on Bobo, 508 00:18:38,219 --> 00:18:39,569 and then you leap on Bobo, 509 00:18:39,699 --> 00:18:41,770 then he decides whether you passed or failed, 510 00:18:41,979 --> 00:18:43,939 and then it was fully adherent to the model. 511 00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:45,619 So Laura, 512 00:18:45,680 --> 00:18:46,439 I hope that's helpful. 513 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,030 I hope that's helpful for all of you. 514 00:18:48,199 --> 00:18:50,189 The Ninja tricks really are effective, 515 00:18:50,319 --> 00:18:53,479 so hopefully you can kind of file those away in your toolbox. 516 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,469 And 517 00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:56,260 obviously, 518 00:18:56,310 --> 00:18:56,510 you know, 519 00:18:56,589 --> 00:18:57,859 the more adherent we are, 520 00:18:57,979 --> 00:18:59,719 the better the gains are for kids. 521 00:18:59,829 --> 00:19:02,270 So these discussions are important and so thank you 522 00:19:02,270 --> 00:19:03,869 so much for the emails that you all send. 523 00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:05,569 All right. 524 00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:07,050 It was lovely to be with you. 525 00:19:07,140 --> 00:19:08,160 Thanks for hanging out with me. 526 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:08,900 I love y'all. 527 00:19:08,979 --> 00:19:09,859 We'll talk again soon. 528 00:19:10,060 --> 00:19:10,260 Bye. 529 00:19:11,339 --> 00:19:14,209 Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. 530 00:19:14,369 --> 00:19:15,290 Brenna Hicks. 531 00:19:15,449 --> 00:19:17,410 For more episodes and resources, 532 00:19:17,569 --> 00:19:22,290 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.