We Have an UPDATE! | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: How are you doing, Susan.

00:00:08
Speaker 2: We're back again. We miss it and you guys have missed a lot. If you haven't been following us, and you know how to do it, just search for a Bachelor Happy Hour in the podcast and hit the follow button. We have had so much fun. We've talked about our surgeries, we've talked to Jonathan. I mean, we've had some good episodes.

00:00:30
Speaker 1: If you found us. If you're listening to us today and you haven't followed us, I don't know. I'm not sure why. So make sure you do that. And if you follow us, I know, I don't get it. There's just you know, it's one.

00:00:43
Speaker 2: I think a lot of them are Kathy, don't you. I mean we read them every week.

00:00:46
Speaker 1: So what they have to do now is tell all their friends to go and find us under a Bachelor Happy Hour. Yes, and we might just.

00:00:54
Speaker 2: Have you on one day.

00:00:56
Speaker 1: All right. So we've got some great questions today, but you know, Susan, first, we have to sometimes in today's one of those days playing moral quandary. No, just kidding, I'm going to start this. Okay, question of the day, Question of the day.

00:01:11
Speaker 2: Okay, I hate that game, as you all know, Okay, here we go. What was the transition into being a real adult, like for you living on your own for the first time, managing your own finances. What advice do you have for young people that are about to make that transition themselves soon?

00:01:34
Speaker 1: Wow?

00:01:35
Speaker 2: First thing comes to mind is my father.

00:01:38
Speaker 1: Oh tell me why.

00:01:41
Speaker 2: Because I used to spend an entire paycheck on a pair of shoes, and he said, Susan, I don't care if you're not making good money, but every single time you make money, you have to put a little bit away.

00:01:53
Speaker 1: Oh see, you and I are so different. I first of all, as everyone knows, I got married to my husband when I was twenty years old in Pury, right, So so for me being a real adult, I mean, I went from college and I subsequently graduated, but at the time I was married, I hadn't finished. And I remember this sounds bizarre, but I was thinking about this last night. When my husband and I got our first apartment, I would just clean it top to bottom every day. I loved going shopping like I love taking on all those roles of an adult. Because you know, I didn't cook at home. I still don't cook, but I tried when I first got married to learn how to cook. And I think when people for those of you who are, you know, contemplating going out on your own, I think Susan has a great point. You have to remember to save and budget. That's a big one. That's just in today's In today's world.

00:02:52
Speaker 2: Kids are different today. I mean the advice that we received and the advice that we give. I mean base it's the same structure, you know, but they do things way different today. Well, I think a lot of kids live at home a lot longer than when you certainly do so we do. But the advice you have to realize where every penny goes. You have to I'm not a budget kind of person.

00:03:17
Speaker 1: Somebody, really, what was your first clue?

00:03:19
Speaker 2: Look at how much you're making what you can afford and still have luxuries in life and still be able to do things. Don't don't be mortgage poor if you will. But the first time out is like so exciting.

00:03:33
Speaker 1: It is you know what, You're going to make mistakes. You're gonna make mistakes, You're going to spend too much on something and not have enough for something else. But I really do think learning to budget the money you have, whether you're working you know, twelve hours a day at minimum wage, or you know you've lucked into some fabulous career with a great salary. You still have to budget.

00:03:56
Speaker 2: And if you want this, you know it's coming, maybe wait a little longer, because you're always supposed to have six months worth of rent or slash mortgage in the bank.

00:04:06
Speaker 1: In case of I thought it was six months of living expenses total, like food, electricity and all this stuff.

00:04:13
Speaker 2: You can add all that up. They'll never leave.

00:04:15
Speaker 1: I mean, Susan will be living at Susan would still be living at home.

00:04:20
Speaker 2: I tell my kids at a certain point after college where they were still here, Okay, you have to pay rent. They're like what I said, just you know, it wasn't a lot. It was not a lot. And I kept it in an envelope and then lest safe and when they were ready to go, they go, Momma, are you gonna help us out? You're gonna help us out. We're getting their own place. I said, yeah, I have every penny you ever gave me. My right son knew immediately Christopher goes, what that's nothing like?

00:04:46
Speaker 1: No shit? I think, you know, I think parents can do a lot to help here too. I don't think this is I think kids who have never had any responsibilities or that kind of thing, they haven't. Like my kids had cars that we gave them to drive, but they had to help pay for the insurance. They had to help pay for the gas because I think I'm signed, I'm sorry, I'm saying no, I meant pay help pay for the expenses of the car. So I think sometimes parents, and I'm guilty of it too, we want to do so much for our kids that we actually stunt them learning how.

00:05:25
Speaker 2: To pay some of the car insurances.

00:05:27
Speaker 1: I know, yeah, so so it's but it's fun. It's fun getting out on your own.

00:05:32
Speaker 2: It is get to decorate the way you want it, not the way your mom has it, you know.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: I just I loved all those laundy I loved saving up and buying, you know, a duvet for my bed or shopping. I mean, I did a lot of secondhand stuff. When I was married, we didn't have any money. My husband was in graduate school. I remember we lived in one apartment that didn't have closets, and it did, I mean had closets. Sorry, I didn't have closet doors. So I went and bought It's some you know, at a target discounted whatever sheets and I sowed them to make to make a company. And I was so proud of myself our beads.

00:06:09
Speaker 2: Back in that day, we could use beads like it's right, all right, goodness, all right, you ready, cat, We're going to give some advice time, all right today, I'll start today. So Anonymous asks, Hi, ladies, my fiance and I recently got engaged, and we're so excited due to our beliefs. Our plan has been to move in together after we are married. But if I'm being honest, I'm starting to get really anxious about that. Neither of us have ever had roommates before, because we've always lived at home. Do you think we should consider moving in before the wedding. We just got engaged, so we won't be getting married for at least another year. What do you think is best for our relationship and ship? We will be fine if we don't move in together until we're married.

00:07:05
Speaker 1: Thanks, Will we be fine? Yes, you'll be fine.

00:07:09
Speaker 2: Oh well, I mean they've done like that for centuries. Although the modern way I think living together is not a bad thing privately.

00:07:19
Speaker 1: Okay, But Susan, I know so many people that of my age and my daughter my kid's age. They moved in together.

00:07:29
Speaker 2: And it decided not to get married.

00:07:32
Speaker 1: Well, no, that it was fine until they got married and then it blew apart. I don't think living together necessarily is the prescription for a good marriage. So if you guys have made the decision to not live together until you're married, marriage is an adjustment and living together is an adjustment, and you're gonna you're gonna go through it, so you know.

00:07:53
Speaker 2: And then what about if you decide to move in with them and your parents and everybody's paying for this wedding and it's not working right?

00:08:00
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, I mean that's creating that's creating a scenario that you know, Like.

00:08:06
Speaker 2: However, take a vacation with them, spend the weekend somewhere together. See what it's like waking up next to this person every day.

00:08:13
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you will be fine. The answer the question is will we be fine? And you will absolutely be fine. Anonymous. It just takes time to wish you luck. Yeah, everyone takes time to get to know each other and work it out. You will work it out, all right, Let's go with the next one. Anonymous from New Jersey rights. Hi, Kathy and Susan. I'd love to hear your thoughts on something that happened with my mother in law about a year ago. During my birthday celebration at home. She was quite rude and dismissive towards both my parents, siblings, and me. It was really awkward. She didn't greet anyone and things turned hostile midway through the celebration. My family is always treated her with kindness and class, and it was disappointing to see her behavior. My husband addressed it with her a few days later, but she just criticized everyone instead of taking responsibility. Since then, I've felt distant and can't trust her anymore. I've talked to my husband about my feelings and I'm trying to move past it, but it's tough. Once someone disrespects my family, it's hard for me to maintain respect. Kathy, I know you've dealt with a similar situation with your mother in law. What are your thoughts on this and how would you approach moving forward? Well, actually, I was thinking about my situation the entire time I was reading this, Anonymous, and it is I'm going to say, it's really tough. What you don't want to do is put your husband in the middle of it, because that just doesn't go well. That's his family and he knows his mother's shortcomings. My mother in law did not like me. I had very different sister in laws. One was great, one was, you know, a sweet one. The other one was very difficult and my husband knew it so and they did criticisize my family. And you know what I did. I saw her as little as possible. I kept my distance. I made sure I made time for the kids. On summer vacation, we would go and see them. But honestly, a ten day vacation with them, I was tearing my hair out by the end. So honestly, there's no good answer other than do your best to be polite and respectful and don't get into a fight with her. Just you know, take a walk saying you know, I'm going to go out and take a walk, and just as how lucky you are to have your family and your husband.

00:10:47
Speaker 2: And I don't know that I would invite her to everything anymore. If that's how her behavior is going to be, then we don't want you to be there.

00:10:55
Speaker 1: Well, but you got to remember, well, first of all, my in laws did blessedly didn't live near me until later in their life, and my husband and I to be just to be clear, my husband and I took care of not his sisters, not their daughters. It was my husband and I who took care of my mother in law. So I think if she lives very close to you, that makes it a little more difficult to.

00:11:20
Speaker 2: Writer doesn't live in her house. If she's going to treat my family rudely, then next year's celebration, you're not invited.

00:11:27
Speaker 1: What are you going to say to you that's going to cross a problem?

00:11:29
Speaker 2: Well, her husband, see what I don't understand, she says. My husband addressed it with her a few days later, but she just criticized everybody instead of taken and Anonymous Anonymous, what I mean, it's not going to change, but it's his don't have her there? Well, I think it's unless you can treat people with respect, then I mean you still got to be her daughter in law. You go through the motions. It's a shame because she ruined a relationship.

00:11:58
Speaker 1: I think that's right, and that, unfortunately, anonymous happens a lot. And I will tell you I work my tail off to be kind to my son in law and my daughter in law because I want to spend time with them. So those of you out there who are struggling with your in laws, be nice. Be nice to your daughter in law, your son laws. Be nice. Because you bite your tongue and anonymous, I hope it gets better for you. It's it's just tough.

00:12:24
Speaker 2: I you don't get try to your husband, you know.

00:12:28
Speaker 1: That's what I said. That knowledge because your husband it's his family. It's hard. I wish you, I wish you, I wish you luck.

00:12:36
Speaker 2: Okay, we have a lot of anonymous today. Here's another one. I just turned sixty four and have scheduled at breast reduction surgery for next May. I am nervous, but have wanted to do this for a long time. I have been told about all the complications et cetera to having surgery, as well as the good I was thinking I was too old, but since I always have to muddle through negative first to get to the positive, I am rethinking my decision to go through with the surgery. How has your surgery gone, what negatives have you experienced and are you happy so far with the results. Thank you for listening, and I love listening to you ladies. Always such good advice, Anonymous. I wish I could address you by name. It is the best thing ever to do for yourself, To be perfectly honest with you. I am sixty seven and this is my second breast reduction. What happens is, after minute pause, we put on a few pounds and your boobs get bigger.

00:13:37
Speaker 1: They just do yeah. And I will tell you, Anonymous, I had a breast reduction done about twenty two years ago. I never ever. I can't speak for Susan's situation. She had a little more pain than I did. I had no pain except the drains, and Susan didn't even have drains. They put drains in me and that was a little sticky for a few days. That wasn't the most far, but it was sore. But if you want to do it, it will make you feel good about yourself. Do it for yourself. You're gonna come through the surgery. You know. It's like all I can say to you, Anonymous. It's like reading a tail in all bottle right. It'll tell you all possible all the possible difficulties and complications you can have. But you know what ninety nine point five percent of people come through it just fine, and you're not unlucky enough to be that five percent.

00:14:27
Speaker 2: You ask me, what negatives have I experienced? Absolutely? None?

00:14:32
Speaker 1: Right, all good, it's all good, really, Susan concie her toes. Now, so good luck.

00:14:39
Speaker 2: You want to see my stomach before my breast there, well, you know, but good luck, but you do it and let us stark. The only other thing that I noticed that when she wrote I am the kind of person that look for the benefits and the positives first. Well, she'll get there, look at those negatives, but you're dwelling on those.

00:14:58
Speaker 1: Okay, that's okay, Anonymous, get the positive quick, just you know, get there, do it. You'll be glad you did.

00:15:04
Speaker 2: She's wanted to do it for a long time.

00:15:06
Speaker 1: Yeah, you should go. All right, well, let us know how it goes, all right. The next one is from Kennedy, which, by the way, I don't know if Kennedy is a boy or a girl. It's a girl. It's a woman and my daughter. Little known fact, Susan, I don't think you know this. My grandmother's last name she was a Kennedy, and I was going to name Caitlin Kennedy, but I didn't. All right, it did, I didn't. Hi, Kathy, but it's not the common name. Hi Kathy and Susan. I've listened to every episode that you have aired. It is an absolute blast listening to and following along with you all. Well, thank you. Yes. I recently got married a couple of months ago. Congratulations. My husband and I have been together for a while. Although we saved sex for marriage, recently we haven't been intimate as much as the first few months of marriage. I am truly exhausted from work a teacher and other life things like keeping physically fit, aaron cooking. My husband has a very difficult work schedule and expectations than me. That does not make sense. I think he has different expectations from her. Okay, we've had conversations about this, but my husband is having a very difficult time with it. How normal is it for newlyweds to not be intimate every day every other day? Should we be worried? What advice do you have? This is so easy, Kennedy. For me, whatever works for the two of you is what's normal. And if you if your husband wants sex more than you do, I'm going to be honest with you, there's sometimes that it's not going to be the most long romantic interlude that we think of when we have sexual Sometimes it's just going to be wham bam, thank you ma'am and making your husband, you know, go to.

00:16:48
Speaker 2: Sleeping, your husband satisfied.

00:16:51
Speaker 1: Right they say, goat and sometimes it's going to be the best sex you've ever done.

00:16:55
Speaker 2: What you can also talk about, like what you're telling us not too schedule it, but like when you go back to date night, Like there's one or two nights out of the week you know you're going to go out and be romantic.

00:17:08
Speaker 1: Well, she's a teacher, so I'm guessing she's not going out during the week.

00:17:12
Speaker 2: Maybe just once a quickie, take care of him in the morning. I don't know.

00:17:15
Speaker 1: I'm saying sometimes it is just quickie. But I think the biggest thing here is I know you're exhausted, and you know you want to keep physically fit, but I'm telling you you have to put intimacy. It's an important element of marriage. So you know what, pick up the dry cleaning next week and give it, have sex for ten minutes.

00:17:35
Speaker 2: Just try kissing, making you both differently, do that little French kissing.

00:17:42
Speaker 1: It we had. We had aisode we talked to got too tired to have sex.

00:17:47
Speaker 2: If you start making out with him, that will change. Then you will might want it every day every other day.

00:17:54
Speaker 1: Well, Kennedy, good luck. Let us know, but seriously, let some of the errands go. Take some time for your husband and their relationship, because that's what really matters. All right, Susan, we are switching things up today. We're going to spend the last twenty minutes playing moral quandering instead of ten minutes. All right, we're instead of a game. To end this episode, we have some updates from some listeners that we are dying to read. I'll start with you.

00:18:28
Speaker 2: I say that after every time we read a question, I love us.

00:18:33
Speaker 1: So here we go. Here's the first one. On our episode Get out There Girls, Tanya wrote to us about struggling with being an empty nester and was looking for advice on what her and her husband can do. Now here's her update. Susan and Kathy, first and foremost, I love you both, and your podcast is one of my absolute favorites. I tune in every week. Well, thank you so much, Danya. I wrote you several months ago. Struggling with empty nesting. I remember this question, sud I do too, struggling with empty nesting. Since my adult children have moved out of the house, I wanted to give you an update. You aired my question on your podcast and encouraged me to find experience new things. My husband and I started a bucket list of weekly activities which consists of trying new restaurants, weekend getaways, and just learning to enjoy one another. I love it too. I would love to report that we are having the best time and now enjoying this new season of our lives. Thank you both. Oh my gosh, I have goosebumps, truly, thank you both for encouraging all of us, showing us that life isn't over as we get older, and we each can find ourselves in the midst of life changes. We are not invisible. Yay Tanya. We are not invisible, and our best days are not behind us, but they're right here in front of us. I love you both. I also really loved your episode with Jenny Garth. Thank you again. Oh so happy that it just makes my day. It's true, It's very true. And to say, Kathy, this is our best chapter. The last chapter and the longest you and Tanya, you are proving that getting up and doing things is it's just fabulous.

00:20:23
Speaker 2: It is important because you find each other again. And then you're like, oh, the kids are coming for how long?

00:20:29
Speaker 1: Yeah? Kids, we'd love to have you. We have a three day limit. You start stinking, yeah, we won't be here, we won't be here. I do that to my daughter doesn't go, oh my.

00:20:38
Speaker 2: Gosh, that's so awesome. Thank you so much for letting us know that we have another one. Okay, This next one is from Sophie. We gave her advice on our episode episode Soothing the Sting where her boyfriend refused to pay the things for her. Remember that.

00:20:57
Speaker 1: Yes, here's her. I'm dying here this update.

00:21:01
Speaker 2: Hi, Susan and Kathy. I wanted to update y'all about the situation with my boyfriend. We have worked things out over the past few months and now he lives with his friends in their own college house. He always pays for my food whenever we go somewhere, and I try to as well when I can. He is very kind and understanding of my situation now. He helps me out in a lot now and I love and appreciate him. So much for that. I can't wait until I graduate and get a big girl job so I will be able to pay for us a lot more in the future. Thank you, ladies so much for the advice. I loved it and it really helped my college roommates and I listen to it over and over again. We love you, guys, Love Grace, Mattie, Kenzie, and Sophie. Okay, I'm a little I have to address this right now.

00:21:59
Speaker 1: You know what you're brain.

00:22:03
Speaker 2: I would love to know how the conversation went and what made him turn around. I'm glad he's seen the light. But when you sit here and say you can't wait to a big girl job so you can pay for more, it's not like I don't want you to pay for something. Absolutely it's a great thing to do. But don't worry about that.

00:22:24
Speaker 1: And that's so Susan. You and I are right on the same patriarch, Because Sophie, I was thinking, is this like a tip a tip for tat guilt? Thing Like I'm going to get a job and then I'm gonna I've got a I've got a record here of everything you've paid for, boyfriend, And don't worry because when I get a big girl job, I'm going to start paying for us. Don't don't promise something. Don't don't do that.

00:22:46
Speaker 2: Sophie, you're doing good. We're glad you're happy. We're glad you took our advice.

00:22:50
Speaker 1: And I'm glad he's helping you with things. Take it's left. He should, he should. You're worth it, Sophie and Grace, Maddie and Kenzie. He love you too, all of you. To all of you, and write us in your questions. We'd love to answer yours as well. All right. Our last update for the day is from Renee. On our episode Putting Yourself First, We gave her some advice on how to manage conflicting beliefs in friendships. Hello, Golden ladies, thank you so much for answering my question about different belief systems and friendships. After I submitted my question, my friend reached out to me. She asked a simple how are you, and I was very honest, not filtering any aspects of my life, including my psychic reading business. We exchanged ten or so messages and she was brief in her replies and follow ups. Never once did she address my business, even when it was the bulk of the text I sent, she just talked around it. It's clear to me that she's still not open to discussing not only this new business I've created, but my past and current lived experiences. As a highly intuitive person, I'll continue what I've been doing and what you also compassionately and advised, and keep focusing on my work, passions and finding joy. If she's meant to stay in my life for another season, then things will change. If not, then I'll have my answer.

00:24:15
Speaker 2: Thanks again, Yes, girlfriend, Yes you did good.

00:24:19
Speaker 1: Ah Renee, I think will you let us know if we ever want a reading? Because you said that you were more than happy to give us one, and I think that is so sweet.

00:24:29
Speaker 2: I think I'm ready for reading.

00:24:31
Speaker 1: Are you ready for reading? I don't know. I think it's right.

00:24:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, we were absolutely right.

00:24:36
Speaker 1: Can I just say, yeah, it's okay.

00:24:38
Speaker 2: Not everybody's going to love everything you do, whether it's your business or your lifestyle. Yeah, but if you're meant to be friends, then they'll be friends. They don't have to talk about it, and I wouldn't force that on them.

00:24:51
Speaker 1: Right well, and also, as I said to her when we answered this before, some friends come into your People come into your life for a reason and a season. Not everyone is meant to be in your life forever. And I think you're doing a great job of reaching out to her. And you know why, Susan said, let it go. If you can be friends, great if you can't, and that's okay. Listen, the reading I want, Renee is when I'm going to meet my guy, and when Susan's going to meet her guy? What do you think?

00:25:21
Speaker 2: And is it going to be on TV at the airport it's the grocery store? Taking online or all? Do we have to go back online? Kathy? Let's talk about that for a minute. The other day, I had an urge and I pulled up the ten best dating sites, and I've been on mostly all of them. I picked one randomly and I started to fill it out and I shut it down. I just can't bring myself to going there again.

00:25:50
Speaker 1: You and I are the sister. We are right there together.

00:25:53
Speaker 2: To meet people.

00:25:54
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think I'm going to go stand. I don't know. You and I are both struggling with this right now. But we were talking earlier about lying about our age online. You know we both have a ton of energy and you know face lists. Notwithstanding, we don't actually look our age, and we want to find someone who's active and enjoys life. And you know, it gets harder the older you get. If you're we're young in mind and spirit.

00:26:22
Speaker 2: So so if anybody out there has some advice for us, you can submit that to us too, and we will read them out loud and talk about how we're going to follow that advice. I mean, I mean, maybe it is the answer. Maybe we just needed a couple of year break. My fear is going back on and seeing the same faces.

00:26:40
Speaker 1: You know what, I swear you're reading my mind. I mean, if I see the same guys, it's not going to be fun. But in the meantime, in the.

00:26:50
Speaker 2: Meantime, what does it for this episode of Bachelor's at the Hour's Golden Hour? Thanks for joining us in special Thanks for you guys writing in and letting us know we love.

00:27:01
Speaker 1: We love answering your questions, and we truly do love hearing how your life is going. So please keep those updates coming and make sure that you submit your questions to us. It's you know how to do it. You go to Bachelor nation dot com slash Golden Hour, hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour. Please reach out. We love hearing from you. It makes our.

00:27:21
Speaker 2: Day absolutely does. Listen to Bachelor Happy Hours, Golden Hour, and the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you listen to your podcast. Thank you guys for tuning in.

00:27:30
Speaker 1: Have a good week.