Oh My Boundaries! | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Bachelor Happy Hours, Golden Hour. Thank you for joining us. We are so excited to be back for another episode of Golden Hour. How are you doing today's Susan.

00:00:18
Speaker 2: I'm doing great. And these guys got to check out what we've been doing. I mean, we've had some great guys on here from Jones show. You all have to listen. It's we're having a great time answering all of the questions. We had some wonderful questions.

00:00:32
Speaker 1: So I got a little stuck on, you know, but don't you aren't you amazed at how nice these guys are.

00:00:39
Speaker 2: They're great. They're really are great.

00:00:41
Speaker 1: And tall and tall.

00:00:42
Speaker 2: I know they're all tall. Oh my gosh. So in case you're forgetting how to submit your questions and Susann, we like a broken record.

00:00:50
Speaker 1: We aren't broken people. If you have not figured out yet, I don't know where are you? Like? What podcasts are you listening to?

00:00:57
Speaker 2: And you know the reason we say this, guys, is because we get people DM and US saying I don't have to submit a question. So Bachelor Nation dot calm slash Golden Hours submit away, baby.

00:01:12
Speaker 1: Really, but listen, we don't only want to hear your questions. We want to hear your comments as long as they're nice about us. We want to know how your lives are going. Those of you whose questions we've answered, please send us updates. We really really want to hear. You can also hear. Yeah, you can also dm us on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour. All right, we're ready to get into this episode. There we go. All right, Susan, is there a time in your life that you had to draw a necessary boundary in a relationship? And if so, how'd you do it? It can be you know, no, listen, not just It doesn't have to be a guy. It can be friends, not me. There's no boundaries between us, but it could be friends, kids, or partner.

00:02:00
Speaker 2: What tell me and necessary boundary? I mean, like don't cross that line or else?

00:02:10
Speaker 1: Yeah? But what in one situations? And what's it? All right? Give me one.

00:02:14
Speaker 2: Friendship with me and a friendship now? You know what if I tell you not to cross.

00:02:21
Speaker 3: The line, Susan would draw that line in Italian pasta sauce and say do not cross or I will turn you into a slice of spaghetti.

00:02:32
Speaker 2: In every relationship, there's been times. God, I gotta think things I don't appreciate somebody doing. Yeah, and that I would say, please, don't don't do that in front of me, you know what I mean? Like interesting, interesting, I don't know a person, why a person acts, or something like.

00:02:53
Speaker 1: I'll tell you I've I I can't think, well, I can't think. I can with my kids because I have learned, you know, since my husband died. Initially it was like tell them everything. But now I've learned, especially about dating. I tell my kids very little, very little about where I am, what I'm doing, who I'm dating. Oh wait, am I dating? That's a whole other conversation. But if I were dating.

00:03:24
Speaker 2: But what's a necessary boundary in like a relationship? Have you ever had that?

00:03:31
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm just throwing something out there that first came into my head. I think if I were dating a guy, actually this did happen to me. I'm going to have to be honest. I was dating a guy and you know who he is for a very short period of time, you know, a few months, and he started telling he didn't know how much money I have, or how much money I don't have, how much of my mortgage is you know, my car payment, he didn't know any of that, but he thought that he could tell me how I should invest money and what I should be doing with it. And I remember thinking, did I ask? Did I ask a boundary? That was about it? And so I finally, after about this, I let it go, as I am prone to do. The first time, I'll let it go. But I think it was the second time. I said, you know, you brought this up before, and I don't remember asking you. That is my business, and you know I appreciate it. I mean I tried to soften it, which you know it is hard for me sometimes. I said, I appreciate that you care, but this is something that I have to do alone or on my own or whatever. But I didn't like it. It was like that gave me kind of an icky feeling. Nothing like that's ever happened to you.

00:04:56
Speaker 2: My boundaries like more like don't why? And I know you're like, and that's even worse. Oh, well, be guilty. I bet rather you be guilty of something and admit it than lie. But that's not really a boundary.

00:05:11
Speaker 1: Well it is, by quite It would be a boundary if you say you can un dating. You know, I can put up with a lot for me. For example, another boundaries would be cheating. If I'm dating a guy and I found out he's dating somebody else, I'm out. That's a boundary.

00:05:28
Speaker 2: That's we were talking earlier on another podcast, and whoever's listening, you might have heard this when we talked about when is it time for relationship? Like when does that conversation happen? Remember, I said, when we become more intimate, And that has a lot to do with that, Like you wouldn't expect somebody that you're dating to be seeing somebody else until you have that conversation. You know what I'm saying. I didn't come as such a shock or sting. If you will, I'm sure many people out there deal with that.

00:06:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I dated a guy again for a short period of time who I didn't know at the time, but I was the cheese, the grilled cheese between the two slices of bread. He was dating this woman. They went on a break which don't even get me started on what that means, and then we dated it but I didn't know about her, and right, that's what I mean, and then he went back to her and I we're friends. Now, I mean, you know, we see each other as friends, and I asked him, I said, you know, what the hell and he said, well, it was not a good answer. He said, I wanted to see if there was someone out there who was better, who I liked more. And by the way, they're broken up again, So to me that was like major red flag, but also about me, like, uh huh, I'm not your feelings.

00:06:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll bet you people listening to us right now have gone through this or maybe perhaps going through Yes, you know, that'd be a good question to submit. All right, Kathy, We're going to do some fan questions. Are you ready? I'll read the first one. Let's Cheryl asks, Hi, ladies, I have a bit of an odd situation I'm in and I'm hoping you can help me out. I was opening my mail today and discovered my mother in law had a whole photo shoot with my baby and sent it out as a holiday card. I had no idea she was doing this, and neither did my husband. What do I do about this? I am just so caught off guard, and I honestly feel really weird about it. Am I overreacting? My husband thought it was a sweet was really sweet at first. But is second guessing now that he's seen me spiral Lol, would really love to know your thoughts. Well, I got weird of that when I was reading it.

00:08:02
Speaker 1: I'm I wouldn't tell you your share, tell you how about ask your permission? That's I mean, let me just say if my mother in law were not dead, I know.

00:08:16
Speaker 2: It's really cute, but I would want to know.

00:08:19
Speaker 1: Let me just say it's not cute if it's your child and she didn't talk to you about it first. Interestingly, Cheryl, I just had this conversation. I have two grandchildren, my two married children each have one biological child. And I used to send up Christmas cards every year with pictures of my family. And you know, since my husband's gone, I have not sent out a Christmas card this year. I said to my kids, you know, next year, I would love to be part of your photoshoet and just because then I could send them out. What am I going to send out a picture on me and my cats? You know? Yeah? I know I would love to, but but I asked my children I would no more think Cheryl of taking my granddaughter.

00:09:07
Speaker 2: She is she's asking us, what is she? What do you do you address that, what will.

00:09:13
Speaker 1: You tell me what I would do? No, not tell me, ask me.

00:09:18
Speaker 2: It doesn't matter, as it's already done. That I'm saying, she's wanting to know how to deal with her mother in law. What does she do?

00:09:25
Speaker 1: Hey, Ma, here's the thing. You never asked my and my husband's opinion. You know your son, she asked, Am I not at all? You're not at all?

00:09:40
Speaker 2: Cheryl, You're not?

00:09:41
Speaker 1: And I will tell you. Cheryl Susan and I often, not often, but sometimes think that people are overreacting. We are in one hundred percent agreement that you get your husband together, it's weird, and you go sit with her and you say, not only is it weird, it's inappropriate, and why would you make it is an appropriate student?

00:10:03
Speaker 2: That's how you would handle it. But I would be just like, first of all, i'd tell my husband to do it first because it's his mother.

00:10:08
Speaker 1: Yes, I would do that.

00:10:09
Speaker 2: Seriously, why wouldn't you tell me this like that? That's kind of weird. I mean, I love that you love your grand daughter or son, whatever it was, But don't you think you should have let me know?

00:10:23
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm going to pick an argument with you here Susan, I took a Christmas card with your children. It's not letting you know, it's saying it should have been Cheryl. I am. I'm guessing Cheryl's mother in law. You know it is alone. So because she says with the baby and Santa's a holiday card, doesn't mention a father in law. I would never do that. I'm saying to you. If mommy darest had come to Cheryl and said, hey, I would like to do a Christmas card with your baby, you know, my grandchild, what do you think I would have said. That is the sweetest thing ever. But here's the why don't we do this? Why don't you come on our Christmas card? We'll do a photo shoot as a family, and then you know what, you put one picture with granny and the kid and picture. That's what I would have done. So offer that to her, Cheryl, have your husband offer that for next year and say we really do not ever want you to do this again.

00:11:26
Speaker 2: I don't blame me for feeling weird. I felt weird reading it.

00:11:30
Speaker 1: It's very weird.

00:11:32
Speaker 2: But you can't make it so that there's an issue between daughter in law mother in law either.

00:11:37
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? There's all right.

00:11:39
Speaker 2: I mean, how did she get the baby by herself? Maybe she baby sits have to do with it, that's when she did it. It's not like she stole the kid to take a picture. And your point is, I take pictures with my grandkids all.

00:11:52
Speaker 1: The time, and your point is, and I post.

00:11:55
Speaker 2: Them all the time. That is my daughter never says a word, Chris, I do, by the way, By the way I do.

00:12:03
Speaker 1: And you know what you should ask your daughter. My kids are very private about their kids. I never I think a lot of people will be surprised to know I have a twenty month granddaughter. Twenty month old granddaughter. My daughter will not allow me to post any pictures of her. And let me just say to you, one of the people, because it's her child and it's her privacy and I respect her wishes. I don't put anything up on the internet that has my children or my grandchildren without their permission. So that's that's the way it should be. So if your daughter doesn't care, that's fine, And clearly she doesn't because she's never said anything to you.

00:12:41
Speaker 2: But not at all. Yeah, so I'm saying a lot of times, we're doing it together.

00:12:46
Speaker 1: That's different. She's there. If she asked you not to, would you well, of course, very absolutely. The point here is, Cheryl, your mother in law needs to ask in the future anything that pretends to your daughter unless she giving her a million dollar you know, life insurance policy or you know, a term to your whatever. Then keep your mouth quiet, Cheryl, and just enjoy it. Let us know. Sorry, but hope Christmas card is better. Okay, moving on alley rights, ladies, this is really going to be TMI for all you old people out there. That's too much information. But I need someone else to chime in on this. Okay, here it is. Oh, this really is TMI. My husband has hemorrhoids and is insisting I have a look at them and help him with this medication application. I'm going to be honest, I can't do it. Like are we allowed to have any boundaries in our marriages or is this necessary? I want him to feel his best, of course, but this is a big no for me. Am I being fair to him? Thanks and sorry. Hah, go ahead, says what's your answer on that one?

00:14:04
Speaker 2: No, you're not being fair. You're his wife. Who is he going to ask? Yes? You do that? Absolutely, Susan what if you get old and your independs and you're.

00:14:16
Speaker 1: Taking care of you. This is probably going this is probably going to be erased and edited by the powers that be. But I'm going to give you a little, a little analogy.

00:14:31
Speaker 2: You go right ahead.

00:14:33
Speaker 1: When girls become women.

00:14:37
Speaker 2: Get their period, Yeah.

00:14:38
Speaker 1: Do they ask someone to shove a feminine product that it is exactly the same thing. Get a mirror, her husband, I don't care by my daughter's mother, same thing. Get a mirror and figure it out. Buddy, Absolutely not doing it.

00:14:56
Speaker 2: You wouldn't do that for your husband. I'm asking Kathy, you're you're silent because I'm sitting here with your husband was here and he was struggling on Kat's take a look at this. I don't know if I'm doing it right. You couldn't.

00:15:12
Speaker 1: You wouldn't. That isn't what she said. She said she wants him, he wants her to apply the medicine. I'm going to hand him a mirror and say figure it out. Exactly. It's that time. I'm handing him a mirror.

00:15:25
Speaker 2: It's all so put on gloves at your husband. Dammit, you got to be able to do that. Absolutely.

00:15:31
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, let me say, would I do it? I probably would do it once andwie Ali, and then I'd hand him a mirror.

00:15:42
Speaker 2: It's your husband, honey, Yes you have to.

00:15:45
Speaker 1: I mean look at No, she doesn't have to.

00:15:48
Speaker 2: Yes she should. She's not being fair to him.

00:15:51
Speaker 1: Why why can't he use a mirror?

00:15:54
Speaker 2: It's because he can't figure it out?

00:15:56
Speaker 1: Obviously, you do a demo. Here's the appoint man, here's a mirror.

00:16:01
Speaker 2: Really, you go through all that rather than just bend over. Let me say boop, but it and you're done. That's all. I don't think, okay, that I would do it for you. I would do it for my kids. I do that for anybody.

00:16:16
Speaker 1: Susan. When I come to see you, I don't understand the last thing you like. You can take this to the bank. The last thing I am ever effort going to ask you to do is to first. I don't have hemrhoids, but if I did, you are the very last person I will ever ask. I would if you ask me, you know, I seriously, and I love you. You know I really would help you in any way I could. But my first course of action, my first deal would be, Susan, here's.

00:16:45
Speaker 2: Mars pounds and can't bend over it. There's a lot of meat.

00:16:49
Speaker 1: What do you catch?

00:16:50
Speaker 2: Wait, if we grow old together, Gotha, that's where we're heading, okay, and I need some help down there. You're not going to do it, then I'm going to rethink rowing.

00:16:59
Speaker 1: Old this friend, Susan. Let me just say to you, if this is where we are in our friends. First of all, people already think that we're a couple, and I keeping we are not.

00:17:11
Speaker 4: At that record, we are not. We're not a couple of we're so much we fight like one. Wait, we're so much not a couple. I could care less of Susan as hemorrhoids. Sucks to be her.

00:17:23
Speaker 1: She's cold, I'm cold.

00:17:28
Speaker 2: Go on, So like everybody that's actually listening to this, Please, if you've never dmd us before, do it now, because I really want to know how many people out there would do that for their husband. I bet you at I'll bet you dinner or a bottle of wine water.

00:17:44
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, I said, Susan, I said I might do it so much. I said I might do it once and then hand him a mirror.

00:17:54
Speaker 2: I've done it, Yes, she's might. Yeah, but in the beginning it wasn't might. I'm just saying, yeah, go ahead, moving on. I'm anonymous. Hey, ladies, I have a work problem that I could really use your help with. My boss is way too honest with me.

00:18:10
Speaker 1: Oh god, he's talking about his hemorrhoids with her.

00:18:12
Speaker 2: Probably it's impacting my performance at work. How do I talk to him about this? Basically, whenever I do something that warrants critiquing, he never all caps holds back. It's so discouraging, and I don't think he does it on purpose. I just catch myself listening and wanting to yell, I get it if you can't, if you can stop now. But obviously I can't do that. Any ideas on how I bring this up and go about talking about it. Thank you. I love you guys so much. To wait a minute. She said it very nicely. My boss is way too honest with me.

00:18:53
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what she means. I think no. I think what she means is he you know it's okay to critique. I think what she's really saying anonymously, I think what you're really saying is he does know when to stop. He makes his point and he beats it to a pulp. He just keeps saying it. He reiterates it, he says in a different way, you know, and you know what, he's your boss. You're screwed. You gotta listen a little bit. You are screwed.

00:19:21
Speaker 2: But if there, if you do have the relationship that you can get them alone and sit him down and say, listen, I know I make mistakes, and I know you're here to teach me, but I heard you the first time. Now if you repeat the mistake, then he might have a right, you know, but you're embarrassing me, or you're making me feel inadequate, or whatever word you choose to use. But you need to tell him because he's never going to stop. I can't. I can't imagine what his wife goes through.

00:19:52
Speaker 1: As you were talking, Susan, I was thinking back when I had a boss, and I would never have said that because the boss unfortunately you know, you don't like it, go find a new job. I think you could say to him, Anonymous, I think you could say, you know, I'm really trying hard, and I heard what you said, and I'm really going to try hard. And if you can find a way to politely interrupt him before he goes, you know, on the fourth and fifth time, you know when he starts down on the second time, Yeah, you could, you know? In other words, yeah, well no, see, that's what that would be rude. Say. You know, mister Jones, you know what I hear you. You said it, So another word's compliment him on his critiquing. I heard you very clearly. I'm going to work really hard on that. I'm going to get back to work. Thank you so much for pointing it out. In other words, try to interrupt him in a polite way after the second time instead of just listening and.

00:20:55
Speaker 2: Do it privately.

00:20:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I'm sure, I'm sure he's I'm sure he's talking to her privately, because no boss critiques you in front of other people.

00:21:05
Speaker 2: Well yeah, and he never all caps holds back. It's discouraging and I don't think he does it all purpose. So she's given him an out at the same time she's bitching about him.

00:21:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, So either you.

00:21:18
Speaker 2: Got to get a new boss and go somewhere else and work don't make mistakes, or sit down and talk to him. I don't have to because I would end up resenting him.

00:21:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, good, I'm guessing this as a relatively young new worker to the workplace.

00:21:35
Speaker 2: Maybe anonymous.

00:21:36
Speaker 1: Yeah, so good luck. Let us know how goes. Try to talk to him and see how it can. See if you can.

00:21:43
Speaker 2: She's catching herself wanting to yell, I get it. You can stop now, well, you know, say it nice. She obviously feels bad because she made a mistake and sat Susan say it nicely.

00:21:57
Speaker 1: But wait, I want to.

00:21:58
Speaker 2: My daddy always told me you get a lot.

00:22:01
Speaker 1: More much honey than you do with zena. See we have the same line, salt honey.

00:22:07
Speaker 2: And all right, So today, Kathy, we are going to play a little game for twenty twenty five ins and outs, and what I mean by that, We're going to list off things that we think are in for this year and things we want to leave in twenty twenty four.

00:22:34
Speaker 1: All right, you go, you start seism Okay, So.

00:22:40
Speaker 2: I want to leave in twenty twenty four negative thoughts about dating, And once you're in my inn is be open. I don't know that I'll go back on the dating sites just yet, but be open to meeting some new people, all right.

00:23:02
Speaker 1: An in for me will be trying to cook more meals, eat, I eat healthy, but that's gonna be an in for me in twenty twenty five, giving more thought to what I'm eating and trying to cook for myself. What's out for me is a big one is spending time with people that I don't want to spend time with.

00:23:29
Speaker 2: Ay Man, I agree with that one. And in for me is to focus on eating healthier yeah, and fresh vegetables and more of them. What's your out fast food?

00:23:44
Speaker 1: Oh? Whoa serious for all of you. That's gonna be a tough one for Susan there, Okay. What's in for me is spending more time with my grandchildren. But what's out for me is uh, well, it doesn't have to really relate to that. What's in for me is spending more time with my grandchildren. What is out for me is feeling that I have to go to the gym every day and there's something bad if I don't like. I'm gonna give myself a little more grace about not going to the gym every day.

00:24:20
Speaker 2: Good for you, Good for you. An in for me is to focus more on go into the gym. An in for me is to be more conscious about my budget, oh good one, and my spending.

00:24:39
Speaker 1: Habits what's what's the out.

00:24:43
Speaker 2: Not to spend it like I did last year?

00:24:48
Speaker 1: Oh, you're just for me. I had such a good in and out and out Oh my gosh, I really had a great one. And that just blew blew my mind. Uh, because it's an in for me, and in for me is to I really want to be thoughtful about where I spend money and how I spend it. You are well, but I want to be better about it. And out for me is oh, I don't even know. I'm I you know, honestly, for me, this game is hard because I'll tell you why. I try during the year to evolve and navigate situations and make improvements. It's the same reason I don't do New Year's resolutions, because.

00:25:38
Speaker 2: That's kind of how it feels like, yeah, bit of a revolution. But I'm not saying okay on January first, right.

00:25:45
Speaker 1: And that's what like, so one of my biggest things, and it's not a resolution. And I tried it in twenty four so in twenty twenty five it's going to be the same. And in for me is to try to listen more and talk.

00:26:00
Speaker 2: He took the words out of my mouth. I'm going to try to slow my role and pay attention and get let I do, let people talk, and I do listen. I told you this story. I believe I told you this one time a man that I was dating years and years ago, and we were pretty thick, and he made a comment and I was paying attention. That was the worst part. He said, now's your chance to listen. It was like the demons coming out of me. I turned my head like the Exorcist. I said, what did you just say to me? How? What the hell did you do? I was listening, So I think that was just rude, you know what I mean. So I'm always conscious about hurting people's feelings or something like that, but that's what that just.

00:26:49
Speaker 1: Made me think. I think, yeah, I think you know. An inform me is I think I'm a kind, nice person, and I know you know I am. I think sometimes i'm But what's out for me is like I don't I already said I don't want to waste time with people. I don't want to waste time with But I also I want to be even more I made great strides in twenty twenty four, twenty twenty five. I want to even be more live and let live like I don't care what you do. You're happy, you know, so I'm fringing on me. Go for it, you know. So you're right these feel like resolutions. But you and I both but we try to live our best life, you know, all the time, every day, every day, and so you know what's in and out it fads, trends. You know, I really don't care.

00:27:43
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't see that's my weakness.

00:27:46
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, Susan. In for Susan is whatever's in the fashion magazine. It's not only Susan in. She's one thousand percent in in every color. What's out for Susan is what she wore last year, and you know it's in for Kathy. Susan's closed from last year. It's perfect.

00:28:04
Speaker 2: Those blue pants that I bought when we were on our show, yeah that one.

00:28:10
Speaker 1: I still want them.

00:28:11
Speaker 2: I still want hundreds and hundreds of it, and.

00:28:14
Speaker 1: You know what I wanted to I want. I want them. You know. Now they'll be too small on me or too big or something. I wanted them. All right, Listen, I don't know what's enter out for twenty twenty five, but here's what's in for me. Our friendship is in for me. Yes, and what's out for me? I don't care. Friendships as we get older, they're so valuable. And people make jokes about us dating. We're not dating. I think we're just at an age where we know the value of friendship and having some know it's.

00:28:47
Speaker 2: So important people. Everybody listening, ladies and gentlemen about friendships is you can bear your your soul. Yeah, you can tell each other's secrets that you're not proud of maybe, or you're excited about whatever, and you always know you can call your friend and share it with her, you know what I mean.

00:29:09
Speaker 1: And that's and you know what's sad is that when you say that, some people think, oh, they must be together. We're together. We're together because we support each other through our lives. But anyway, I hope everybody like.

00:29:22
Speaker 2: To entertain people. I can't wait to get together and do some videos.

00:29:25
Speaker 1: Oh, I know we're gonna we're gonna be together in a few weeks. That's gonna stay too.

00:29:29
Speaker 2: Going away our annuals.

00:29:33
Speaker 1: All right, well, we speaking of got to think about packing for that. And that's going to do it for this episode of That's Our Happy Hours, Golden Hour.

00:29:42
Speaker 2: We love.

00:29:43
Speaker 1: We hope that you love as much as we do listening to us chat and hope to get you know, we get to know each other better. We hope you enjoy hearing tidbits about our life, our love, our lack of how about love?

00:29:55
Speaker 2: How about them telling us their ins and outs?

00:29:59
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, give us some ideas of your ins and outs. Maybe we'll adopt a few of those. But in the meantime, thanks for tuning in.

00:30:06
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and be sure to follow Bachelor Happy Hour as we have lots of things to talk about and we come out every week, so you don't want to miss one. I mean imagine missing that.

00:30:17
Speaker 1: I know, really right, Make sure you submit your questions, your ins and out. It's your comments, your whatever, your ideas for dating. For us, it's just resol resolutely or or tell us why you don't make resolutions, because that will feed me. I don't make resolutions. But anyway, if you want to reach out to us, and we hope you do, go to bachelornation dot com, slash Golden Hour, or dm us on Instagram at Bachelor Happy Hour

00:30:45
Speaker 2: And listen to the Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio Apple wherever you listen to your podcast