Angie Martinez IRL - Mary J. Blige On How To Transform Your Life Through Positive Self-Talk

00:00:00
Speaker 1: What you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself, and what you say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say or believe about you.

00:00:11
Speaker 2: So imagine you come, Oh, I'm I ain't this, I ain't that, I'm ugly.

00:00:17
Speaker 1: You are causing all of the insecurities. You are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful, and whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what, good morning, beautiful, good morning gorgeous. I love you, I need you, God loves you. I don't give you. What the hell with what everybody else has to say? What do you think? And it started to grow and it started to manifest.

00:00:51
Speaker 2: Thanks for watching, guys. Today's episode is brought to you by Boost Mobile. I says what up Okay? Today's guest is a once in a generation talent and powerhouse. She is a singer, songwriter, actress, producer, entrepreneur, cementing her legacy with fifteen ground breaking studio albums. She has earned nine Grammy Awards, a Primetime Emmy Award, six be Et Awards, twelve NAACP Awards. Headline Madison Square Garden received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, nominated for Best Supporting Actress for her incredible job that she did in Mudbound, both at the Academy Awards and the Golden Globes. She continues to just cement this legacy even further. She's hitting Las Vegas, Vegas for her residency that she just announced. She has assister. She is a friend, she is my girl. She is Mary J. Blige, Mary Angie.

00:01:46
Speaker 1: I'm here.

00:01:47
Speaker 2: You do all them things. As you was reading, I still didn't. Really, it didn't still like I did.

00:01:53
Speaker 1: Damn.

00:01:54
Speaker 2: And honestly, there's probably there's probably mad shit not on the card that you did.

00:02:00
Speaker 1: It's a beautiful thing, and you've been on the journey with me. I know. I'm seeing what the journey.

00:02:05
Speaker 2: Was today the valleys. That's why it makes me so happy. You walked into the here today. Your skin looks good, the hair looks good, like you just look happy and free. And I saw you on something You're doing the press round. So I saw a clip of you on something earlier and I was like, she's happy, Like I could feel it through the TV that you were really happy. And you know, I am I know you know me, you're so happy. It makes me so happy. I'm happy with me.

00:02:33
Speaker 1: I'm happy inside, you know, there's a joy inside that's like, you know, with my birthday here, it came like two days before my birthday. Not that I wasn't happy before, but two days before my birthday, it comes something settled in, like the oh, you're really doing this self love thing. You're doing it, You're really doing it. And I was like, motherfucker, right.

00:02:53
Speaker 2: I'm doing it. It's just good.

00:02:55
Speaker 1: It's good, it's good, and it feels good. It feels like a weightlifting when you don't have to like worry so much, you know, but you're self aware in your self checking and that's that's a gift.

00:03:08
Speaker 2: I posted a picture of us for your birthday and we look like we're twelve years old. And oh you hate this picture because you hate this hat?

00:03:16
Speaker 3: Right, Oh man, we want years old baby faces like what like ash, No, we're.

00:03:27
Speaker 2: Children, but look look look what we have drinks. We have a drink. Yeah, we so we drink. We keep drink. We enjoy a costaime we were and I think we were in Momba. Is that MoMA? That's that might we're in the club. Whereever we're old, we are in that picture and like, no clue with the next twenty it has to be thirty years ago, right, like we're close to it.

00:03:52
Speaker 1: Shit, maybe more than that, because Momba was like is that place even open?

00:03:58
Speaker 2: Store? No, God, that's been close for decades. When you look at that girl, like or both of us, I just I got so much joy seeing that and then seeing you so happy because there's been so much in your life that you've gone through, and I'm sure there's things that we don't even know, even your friends that. Yeah, it just makes me very happy for you, baby, Thank.

00:04:16
Speaker 1: You, sus I mean, you know, the stuff that you guys don't know about is the stuff that I had to weather, you know, like really really weather. But the stuff I come to y'all with is the stuff y'all help me. What y'all help me? You know, y'all still helping. We're still helping each other, You're still helping it. It's still not easy, but it's better than what it was before, for sure, you know, because we know what we're doing, we know what we allow.

00:04:40
Speaker 2: I love that you're back on the pod too. When was the Mary did that you were like one of our first guests when we first launched the pod.

00:04:46
Speaker 1: We've come a long way. Yeah, yeah, like three years in now. Yeah, right right in the middle of COVID. It was it after COVID. It was in Jersey and that restaurant.

00:04:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, we were just starting. Somebody let let us use their restaurant because we didn't have a studio or location yet. And I just feel like things are so much different from from even from then where we are in our lives. I was like, where were where were we in our lives at that time? You were like, why you say that, because that's what I was saying. No, you were.

00:05:14
Speaker 1: It was in survival mode. I was coming out of all the stuff. I was still unraveling.

00:05:22
Speaker 2: I feel like you'reming it before you were on your way to it, but you were and you were claiming it. You were like, I found it. I found what I was. But I feel like you were still in the process of sinking into it.

00:05:35
Speaker 1: What are you settling into it? Yes? And it just settled, like it just settled, like two days before my birthday is settled, Like oh yeah, yeah, damn you know what I mean. We we in this self love thing. But then it was like still uh, manifesting it.

00:05:54
Speaker 2: You went into your good morning gorgeous era at the beginning of the good morning gorgeous era. Yes, and now you like did that. Now you're like a pro at that.

00:06:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you have to do it every day. You know you still have to do it. But it's not like it's stressful as it was. It's just something you know that you have to do.

00:06:12
Speaker 2: So not doing it because you're in trauma. You're just doing it.

00:06:14
Speaker 1: Because I enjoy to maintain, to maintain that look that you have, that you love whatever that look it is that I'm loving. I gotta I'm not talking about hair and making it on, not talking about that. I'm talking about that look that inside when.

00:06:29
Speaker 2: You're like, what season are we in right now? I don't know.

00:06:34
Speaker 1: Freedom, freedom, freedom, like liberation. That's where we are.

00:06:41
Speaker 2: We are liberated, talk about it.

00:06:45
Speaker 1: That's what we are.

00:06:45
Speaker 2: It is the year of the horse, they say, you know.

00:06:48
Speaker 1: That, Yeah, And horses don't look back when they're running. They're not like this, they like this, And that's you know, whatever it is that was that was holding me back. I don't have any space in my new house for bullshit and bullshit. Is just the way that I thought of myself as inferior. Like people are even saying, wow, why she let me treat her like this? Because she's treating her like this.

00:07:18
Speaker 2: You see, you feel what I'm saying.

00:07:19
Speaker 1: So I'm not doing that anymore. I like the way I treat myself. I like the way I feel, and I like the way I'm being treated.

00:07:28
Speaker 2: I feel like this is the perfect time in your life to do this residency because when I think about Vegas shows, they're like big and grand and like bright lights. I mean, how is how is the Mary Vegas show going to feel?

00:07:41
Speaker 1: It's gonna be intimate and it's.

00:07:43
Speaker 2: Gonna be vague.

00:07:43
Speaker 1: It's gonna be big and bright, but it's five thousand seats. That's not a rena. Arena's like twenty thousand people in the path of the people. You don't even know half of the about five thousand people that really love you and respect you. The rest of them are like, oh, this witch is She's I didn't know that. You know, they're figuring out who you are. So this is gonna be.

00:08:05
Speaker 2: The funny thing is I can imagine you being on stage actually having those conversations the motherfuckers don't even know me right there, I can I know you to know to know that you do that.

00:08:14
Speaker 1: They be right in the front like the.

00:08:17
Speaker 2: What the fuck did you buy a ticket for? Like I just lost it? What are you here for?

00:08:22
Speaker 1: Anyway?

00:08:23
Speaker 2: So Vegas will be like that because you'll have five thousand of your closest.

00:08:27
Speaker 1: Fans, Diehard Mary J. Blige fans and and and it's gonna be light and bright and fun. But it's gonna be intimate like how Radio City used to be when I to perform there.

00:08:41
Speaker 2: That's fire. Yeah, did you see Have you seen any of the ones? Do you go to? Have you been to Vegas residencies? Have you seen other people?

00:08:48
Speaker 1: I saw Ushers. It was dope.

00:08:50
Speaker 2: Ushers was super dope. Definitely my favor.

00:08:52
Speaker 1: It was dope.

00:08:53
Speaker 2: He just catered to.

00:08:54
Speaker 1: His his life story.

00:08:56
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:08:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, he had the strippers there, you know, because Atlanta.

00:08:59
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta he did it well. It was dope. It was really dope. So you're thinking about upgrading to the all new iPhone seventeen Pro, designed to be the most powerful iPhone ever, but are you also thinking about the traffic on your way to the store or transferring all your data and all the time that takes well. The good news is that when you order a brand new phone online with boost Mobile, they'll send an expert to your home or to your work to deliver your brand new iPhone seventeen Pro and get you all set up. Boost Mobile can do that within minutes, no hassle. All you gotta do is visit boostmobile dot com to get started. Delivery available for select devices purchased at boostmobile dot Com. Terms apply. We're gonna have social I feel like where Usher did it, it was like every week we were seeing a social clip. I feel like we should do that for yours too. Okay, we want to see like I don't know, we have to make I mean, you're not gonna feed dudes cherries. But what I'm saying, the Mary J.

00:09:57
Speaker 1: Blige Show is gonna be about what do people love from me? You know what I mean?

00:10:03
Speaker 2: All right, let's think about this. What do people love? They love the Merry Bop, Yes, the Merry Box.

00:10:08
Speaker 1: So we're gonna do something with that wenna. We're gonna make people famous with the Merry Pop.

00:10:15
Speaker 2: They're gonna be who wants. It's gonna be crazy. It's gonna be like that.

00:10:19
Speaker 1: So what else? People I love that want to sing the songs people want.

00:10:22
Speaker 2: People want to wear a boot.

00:10:24
Speaker 1: And come with your thigh has. Come with your thighs, Come with your blonde wigs or bobs or whatever it is. Come with some good shades, hoops, hoops.

00:10:36
Speaker 2: Good ones. This is this is gonna be a vibe all right, Las Vegas, we are coming. Yeah. Have you seen this clip? There's a clip I don't know. On your birthday, I was scrolling and I saw a clip of it's you in the studio with an old crew. They were doing a mix and you weren't feeling the way the mix was going, and you were like, Yo, stop playing with me. It's some trickery going on in here.

00:11:03
Speaker 1: And I don't like listen to what I'm saying. When I sat down and here, I know what I'm hearing and I'm not trying to.

00:11:16
Speaker 2: Child. But something was so dobe about it because and I know you, we all know you like how you talk about second guessing yourself, but there was something in that moment where you could see that how much you believed in your gift and how much you know your gift and care nobody in this room tell you about your gift. You were like, no, I hear it. I know what it's supposed to feel like.

00:11:38
Speaker 1: I don't know.

00:11:38
Speaker 2: It was just an adulpte moment of you kind of like standing in your gift. Yeah, and not letting people fuk around with it.

00:11:46
Speaker 1: Yeah, I get like that when people are trying to mess with it like that, because so that's when I start going crazy.

00:11:53
Speaker 2: You really worried crazy.

00:11:54
Speaker 1: But you know what I mean, Like when I say crazy, that's when I start, you know, like getting a little shop because you're trying to that's with my head, and I know exactly what I'm talking about, Like I'm not going to go against my intuition. I'm not gonna go My ears are insane. I should have been a producer because I can hear very well. I can hear what mixes are great. I can hear things that people can when. I can hear things that people can't hear.

00:12:17
Speaker 2: But it was the description you were like, there's something that happens to me when I the rough version. That's something that the music does to me. That you said something like eat grits too or something like just that shit that you eat grits too. Wait and you said, and I feel it, and I know the difference, and my fans know the difference. I don't know. It's just in such a dope moment of you really defineing, like what makes you special and you not letting people fuck with that. I thought it was really dope to see.

00:12:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, because it is a gift, right it is? It is, and you know everybody has their gift, but that's mine. It's like, I know what my fans want to hear.

00:12:56
Speaker 2: What if you have to describe the Mary J. Blige gift, how would you describe it?

00:13:02
Speaker 1: It's just I know what I know, and I know what I don't know. I know what I know. I know when this thing starts going off, there's something going on there. There's either something good or something bad going on, you know. And when people are trying to trick me and this goes off, then I'm starting and you're trying to tell me something different, then I'm just start. I had to learn to pull back the I don't want to pull it crazy, but you know, when I get upset when people are trying to take that take advantage of me, I learned how to I have to learn how to pull that back. Yeah, and just know what I know and not get excited. But back then, I I was fighting for my identity and for my gift. I was fighting for my gift. I'm not gonna let you take my gift away. I'm not gonna let you be like you crazy. I'm not gonna let people do that to me. Do you understand I'm saying.

00:13:58
Speaker 2: Dude, yeah, you crazy.

00:14:00
Speaker 1: You don't know what you told me. I know exactly what I'm talking about. You just trying to get what you want, you understand. So I was really fighting for it then. Now I'll just be like, I know what I want and that's it. And I'm gonna get what I want and that's it. You know, you're gonna do what I said. My business, with my business, with people's lives, I don't try to push anybody to do whatever. But with my business, I'm gonna get what I want, you know. And that was my business. I was trying to put out an album, you know. I was going through this thing where everybody was like, oh, Mary's watch stuff, she's this, she's that. So I wanted my album to be great, and I said, this is the one. This is what my fans want. My fans want this color, my fans want this feeling. That's what we want to give them. So that's what I was fighting for. What I know feels good to myself and my fans.

00:14:48
Speaker 2: It's interesting that you say now, like when we're growing ups, it's like when you have the confidence to know, I feel like when we act out it's because people push us so much and you're like, nah, I'm not fucking crazy, I know what. But now when you know, when you're so settled into you, you could just be, like I said, not fuck out of fun, out of here. That's that's really the difference, though, exactly.

00:15:14
Speaker 1: You're gonna do this period period not It's okay.

00:15:24
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Speaker 2: First twenty four hours. Casino bonus credit has a one time wager requirement. Must be twenty one or older in president, Michigan or New Jersey to play gambling problem called one hundred gambler. This is probably we were talking about swords. The season of swords Jill Scott was on is on this last episode of I R L. She said, her sword, it's sharp. It's kind of like what you were talking about, Like things that don't work for you anymore, things that no longer make you happy, no longer serve you. What's that sword like of yours?

00:17:26
Speaker 1: The exact same thing. But it's mostly things that I need to get rid of within me. So before the new year came in, it was I just felt like I was shedding a lot of residue that that that insecurities had coused, you know, just just getting rid of the rest of the You ain't this. You ain't that in my own head?

00:17:52
Speaker 2: What this person? It's you?

00:17:55
Speaker 1: It's Mary. So I had to I'm shedding all me. I wrote this letter to myself. I was like, I was listen, Oh Mary, I don't want no parts of you. I don't have any space for you anymore. You're negative, you're you, You're negative, you're insecure. I don't want any more any parts of you. I love you, but you are not a luxury here anymore. You cannot be here anymore. So that's me still shedding the rest of your like it's in my phone.

00:18:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, put dear old marriage.

00:18:32
Speaker 1: I was like, I love you, but I can't. I can't have you here for this next level. I have to move. And you're holding me because you're afraid that someone might hurt you, that someone might take something. People took from you, but they will no longer take from me. So you out of here. I'm leaving you. I have to keep shedding.

00:18:54
Speaker 2: You, you know.

00:18:55
Speaker 1: So that's what that's where my sword is at, Like not know looking at other people and be like, well, okay, that's who you are, but it's not about who you are. It's about who I am and what I got to do for myself. So I'm just shedding, just shedding things that hold me back, that's inside of me, and that caused me to think of myself as inferior. And I'm not inferior. I'm loved, I'm blessed, I'm highly favored, I'm humble. I keep humility because I don't want to think of myself more highly as I ought, because then I'll start treating people bad and looking down on them. That's self awareness. That's a sharp sword.

00:19:37
Speaker 2: Oh my god, self awareness is the sharpest sword in the land. I wish that for everybody. Self awareness. You fix what you don't know is broken exactly.

00:19:47
Speaker 1: How can you fix what you refuse to acknowledge?

00:19:51
Speaker 4: Word?

00:19:52
Speaker 1: And that's the long, hard look that we take. And it hurts. It hurts when we're there, but it hurts worse we stay there. It hurts worse when you stack, when you stay stagnant. When we start moving a little bile little, that skin starts coming off, that old skin, and you still have residue, like right now, but it's not as painful now because you know that that's not a luxury, that's not a luxury anymore that old snake skin or whatever.

00:20:20
Speaker 2: It's not what I'm saying I do. It's not some people get comfortable in the snake skin. Some people use it as a like, oh, I'm just that way because of this, or or they use their past traumas as like an excuse to behave a certain way or an excuse to live their life a certain way because what they come from, right, And so it's easier for some people to not be self aware because they just want to sit in the shit that they always been doing. You know what I mean. It's it actually is harder to be a better version of yourself because it requires work. The fact that you're still writing yourself letters, the fact that for however long this is, this journey, this has been has been going on for you and you've been evolving, the fact that you're still waking up in the morning and saying I'm highly favored, I'm blessed, dear old Mary, like you are still working on yourself to this day. It's like a testament. It's harder to do that than it is to just be comfortable in some old shit. You don't think, so, yeah, it's.

00:21:12
Speaker 1: Hard, but think about when you was in the old shit, wasn't it always something? Knowing at you like something is wrong, but I can't do anything about it right now because I don't know what to do. This is what studying and self help books and good friends to tell you the truth is about. They help you unravel. But when you don't know what to do, you don't know what to do. And but once you get the information, now you're accountable for it. So people get the information and they stay stuck. I got the information. I was like, as soon as I got the information, I started to unravel.

00:21:45
Speaker 2: What was your number one information.

00:21:47
Speaker 1: That TDJ E set sermon?

00:21:49
Speaker 2: What was it?

00:21:49
Speaker 1: He said, what you think about yourself and what you believe about yourself. What to say about yourself is way more effective than what anybody else could think or say a believe about you. So imagine you come, oh, I'm I'm I ain't this, I ain't that, I'm ugly. You are causing all of the insecurities. You are causing all the pain you feel because your words are powerful, and whatever you speak to yourself is what you're going to have. And I started saying, you know what, good morning, gorgeous, good morning, beautiful, and not don't even believe it yet, but I just started speaking it, and good morning, beautiful, good morning, gorgeous. I love you, I need you, God loves you. I don't give what the hell with what everybody else has to say? What do you think? And it started to grow and it started to manifest you understanding, you know me, and you know, if I was still you know what I'm saying, i'd be not you know what I mean, you would still be trying. I just didn't want to be stuck in that. I don't like to feel insecure. It's not a cool thing. It makes you look ugly, it makes you act whack, it makes you treat other people terribly. So I have to keep working on that. You know.

00:23:12
Speaker 2: I like what you said too, about the things you tell yourself good morning, even as you're saying that, how you favored I don't know. Lately, I've been realizing I've been saying this a lot. You probably heard me say this, and I didn't even realize I was doing it. But i'd say something and I'd be like, God loves me. Oh, God loves me so much that could even.

00:23:28
Speaker 1: Make me like, yes, he does love you. And I think that we do ourselves a disservice when we do him a disservice. We spit in his face when we be like I'm ugly, how damn we.

00:23:41
Speaker 2: But I think it's whatever the things that I use that as an example because it really does feed how you behave right, Like even the other day, I was like, there was something going on. I remember what it was that day where I was like, I don't know, in a low I was like, this is not a good day. This is and then something small then I was like, God loves me so much. Wow, just for the one little thing, I'm like, oh, he loves me so much, And it takes the energy away from whatever the negative thing was happening before. And so I'm just using that as an example of like one way that what you tell yourself really shifts the program. Right. I know, we hear it. It almost sounds cliche how you talk to yourself? Could you hear that all the time? But really, what are the words that you say out loud that you really touch this up? It really is a big thing. I think people need to be reminded of that sometimes.

00:24:33
Speaker 1: One dred percent. Let me let me this is how another way I look at it angie. If God created us right, which he did, and they say he spoke everything into existence, Let there be light, let there be water, let there be land. Let he spoke the universe into existence. And if he's our father, like you have your mother's eyes, your mother's ears, your mother's whatever, why don't we have our father's power. He gave us the authority to speak. The power life and death is in the power of the tongue. That's all in the world. Think about this. Everything negative that I said about myself, I was living in it. So we come on. That's that's wisdom, and that's what we should now. I'm beautiful, I'm healthy, I'm wealthy. I'm a billionaire. I'm maturely air you know what.

00:25:26
Speaker 2: Bonaire for years. It's gonna catch up. It's gonna catch up.

00:25:29
Speaker 1: I'm a billionaire. I love them, miss and that everything. I'm on the right path. I'm on the right path.

00:25:35
Speaker 2: God loves me. He got me. I'm on my way. That's what I've been lately giving myself.

00:25:40
Speaker 1: God loves me. You know.

00:25:42
Speaker 2: It's so funny. We just I just watched Tianna Taylor win the Golden Globes. Yes, she deserves that, So she was here. She came to the pod at the earlier time when she had just done A thousand and one. It was her first film. But she you know, she's been through a lot. She was heartbroken by the industry so many times. She was like, I'm hire for music. I guess I'm gonna try this acting thing. I'm gonna really lean into this. And I could just tell she had been knocked down so many times. She's been added since she's fifteen. So to watch you're on that.

00:26:09
Speaker 1: Stage, I know, crying like the like like it's the ugly crawlinggy.

00:26:13
Speaker 2: It's just it really, it's just like a god's timing for everybody.

00:26:17
Speaker 1: It's just when it's your time, When it's your time, it's your time. When when it's your time, it's your time. And can't nobody stop it, can't nobody get in the way, can't nobody take it away?

00:26:27
Speaker 2: What is? What is? What is it going to be? I don't know what do you have for yourself? What is the thing that you're chasing now? When you think about like.

00:26:34
Speaker 1: I'm just chasing peace, like peace of mind. You just chasing this residency, getting it right, getting it up. You know and popping. I'm definitely gonna do some more acting. I would love to. I would love to win an Oscar one day, put it in the universe. But I did already. I put it in the universe, you know, you know, just for playing you know, somebody iconic, you know what I mean?

00:26:59
Speaker 2: You know you already know?

00:27:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, kind of do.

00:27:05
Speaker 2: All right, we let people guess. But we're gonna win an Oscar. What else we're gonna manifest? Uh, Tony, Tony, you want all the things. You want to be an ego.

00:27:14
Speaker 1: I want to be an egot. But if I don't get to, Tony, I'm fine.

00:27:17
Speaker 2: Do you really care about awards? That surprises me?

00:27:19
Speaker 1: I don't. But I always want it, you know, for for the acting, you know something. I wanted to see what I can. If I can, I got the nomination. It's a big you know, and that's great. But I would love to win an Oscar. I would love to. Oh, I got an Oscar, you know. And if I don't get it, it's fine. But it's something that you know.

00:27:42
Speaker 2: Why not, It's something to chase, Yeah, the fun goal to chase.

00:27:47
Speaker 1: There you go.

00:27:48
Speaker 2: But it doesn't make it. It doesn't make you an unhappy person. It's not a chase, but it's I'm like, oh god, I gotta have an Oscar.

00:27:53
Speaker 1: I don't care about it like that, but if I you know, when I got nominated for the Oscars, I was like, oh my god, I got nominated for Oscar. I said what if I win it? And then I got started to get scared, what if I win it? So but if I win it, I don't do If I don't, then but I would love it though, you see, yes, I would love it something to chase.

00:28:13
Speaker 2: I love that you're still chasing things at this point in your career. We read your introduction, You've done so like literally you could do nothing else and you have done enough. But the fact that you still have that fire. You know what I would like you to address because this fisses me off when I see the memes, because you know, you be on stage doing your little and they act like you don't want to be there. Yeah, they say Mary is unbothered, Mary, Mary doesn't want to be here, And.

00:28:37
Speaker 1: Let me see those memes some other ones are talking about. When I be uh, you'd.

00:28:42
Speaker 2: Be like yeah, So let me just let me just say this. Mary looked tie I was.

00:28:49
Speaker 5: Curse.

00:28:50
Speaker 1: I exhausted because I was on the thirtieth show of forty.

00:28:54
Speaker 2: Shows, so you actually were tied.

00:28:57
Speaker 1: I was. We was in Chicago or something like that. I was exhausted. I was kind of over everything in the world, was right, I was. I was just tired. I was tired, and I was just just kind of you know, it was the thirtieth show. Yeah, So I mean, I've been working hard all my life and sometimes you get tired.

00:29:17
Speaker 2: So for people to be like, oh, she.

00:29:18
Speaker 1: Looked tired, yeah, I was fucking tired.

00:29:20
Speaker 2: I was. Fuck you, I was tired today I'm not.

00:29:25
Speaker 1: But they always want to be like, oh, this person looks like they tired. Yoh, these women out here in this business are working really, really hard. You know. Beyonce has a hundred shows, so yeah, she's gonna be fucking tired on her fiftieth show.

00:29:38
Speaker 2: She gonna bug.

00:29:39
Speaker 1: Whatever she be doing, she gonna it's gonna look like she need to stop doing it because she's done it fifty shows. So if I shut up with that shit. Yes, sometimes we get tired, but when we rest we on.

00:29:53
Speaker 2: That's so funny. I didn't think that was gonna be your reaction. I thought you were gonna be like, nah, I was just my swag that day.

00:29:58
Speaker 4: No, I was.

00:29:59
Speaker 1: I was tired, and you know, you tell you how I try to do it. I was like, I was exhaustive. I was like, well, maybe you know it's gonna look like different.

00:30:11
Speaker 5: What it looked like, and in my mind it didn't. It didn't feel like it looked like it look and I've seen it back. I was like, oh, man, I guess that's how I really was.

00:30:24
Speaker 2: You know, that's really funny. I didn't expect you to answer that that way.

00:30:27
Speaker 1: We do.

00:30:28
Speaker 2: We all get tired and we worked hard ship. I thought you were gonna be like, nah, I'm never tired. No, I was tired. They caught you.

00:30:35
Speaker 1: Y'all got me exhausted. I probably was drinking the night before. You try to do that, like let me try to get some drinks in and then you have like probably a light hangover.

00:30:44
Speaker 2: Something you know what you're really good at that. We'll be out and you'd be like, I'm I'm calling dinner early tonight. I'm not drinking, or you'll even say, well, that's why it was at Lorena's house. You almost didn't even come over. You were like, nah, I gotta get up. I gotta get up tomorrow. I'm not coming over right as you're serious about your your.

00:31:02
Speaker 1: Ship, I am, But when you're on the road sometimes you just got you just need something other than sitting in the bus, sitting in the room. I can't go nowhere, I can't go where everybody else goals fucking nightmare. So when I get ready, I like, give me some wine and then I have to, you know, pay for it. You know way I pay for it, And maybe I had I don't know, but I was just beat.

00:31:26
Speaker 2: But you got a lot of energy. You take your fucking work seriously. And you you're back outside and you're about to do a long ass running Vegas. Yeah, how do you prep for that? You like, just rest.

00:31:38
Speaker 1: I'm about to go a little dry, you know, and alcohol for a little bit.

00:31:43
Speaker 2: Are you going to do that?

00:31:44
Speaker 1: I'm gonna try.

00:31:46
Speaker 2: Are you doing You're not doing? Drive January?

00:31:48
Speaker 1: No, I'm about to be drinking in January, but maybe drive maybe drive February, maybe like all the way up to March or something like that. You know.

00:31:57
Speaker 2: What I would like to talk about to is that I noticed that like whenever our birthdays are around. We always posted. People always like to see friendship, real friendship because I think everybody wants to. If you have real friends, you know what it is, so you appreciate it. So when you see other people, you're like, yes, I know a real friendship. Or sometimes people are disappointed by friendships and then they see a real real friendships and I think that inspires them. What do you think is the key to that?

00:32:30
Speaker 1: What's a real friendship?

00:32:31
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:32:33
Speaker 1: Respect, respecting, Like I'm gonna use you for instance, Angie, if we didn't know you love us, we wouldn't think you loved us because you because because when you go zero dog thirty.

00:32:48
Speaker 2: You mean, like, yo, where the fuck is she?

00:32:49
Speaker 6: Yeah?

00:32:49
Speaker 1: Did you hear dys I didn't hear from either, Like all right, well we know we know Angie, We know Angie. That's love and respect for your friend, knowing your friends and understanding her boundaries. That's how you keep friends for years. You know what I'm saying. We've been friends for years, but every time you go missing, I was like, Angie hates me? Well she just be an Angie.

00:33:16
Speaker 2: We love you.

00:33:18
Speaker 1: So that's keep friendships and not non judgment and not always trying to tell a person what they need to do. You know, sometimes you got to show your friend you love them and you trust their awareness, and you know, you trust that they're smart not to and if they choose not to be smart, you got to be there for that too. So no judgment. And then when it's some time, you know you need to slide something in that they really need to hear, you know, and then you slide it in. But the non judgment is what keeps friendship.

00:33:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, because sometimes any relationships, even like man woman relationships or even friendships, sometimes entitlement starts to kick in or like you just what you need to be doing? I don't know, they're just like an ego and entitlements can sometimes slip into friendships. Yeah, And I think that that's part of it, right. You want to tell your friend what you think they should be doing because you know better when you're like, you don't nobody knows better what the other person has to do in their life because you don't need to know what mistakes they need to make to be the version of themselves that they're about to be. So sometimes you get in the way of people's growths when you try to.

00:34:36
Speaker 1: Like over Yeah, protect like Irash, I don't harass any of y'all because I trust that you guys know who you are, and I love y'all and I know me. I don't want y'all over harassed me. I want to stupid, I'm gonna do something stupid. If I want to do something smart, I'm gonna do something smart. But if you do have something for me, I'm gonna be able to receive it, you know. And there's an invisible line, like I'm not like, oh, that's just Angie. I'm always like, yo, that's my fucking friend. Like I'm never too used to you. I'm never too used to Lauren. I'm never too used to Nikki. I'm never too used to anybody close to me. Like everybody and anybody that I'm around, I respect the invisible line, meaning like I always honor you, not oh you've been around me for so many years. It's just you know the fact that you've been around me. It makes me really honor you, Like I don't want to cross this invisible line and lose you, because that's your line.

00:35:40
Speaker 2: You see what I'm saying, Well, we ain't going nowhere, you know, but you I don't.

00:35:43
Speaker 1: Want to do that. I don't want to ever disrespect you or disrespect anybody I truly love by making them think I'm soulful. Oh that's just I hate. Now, that's just no. Don't if you got if you're gonna treat me like that, don't be my friend. Don't even try. Oh that's just her. Stop trying to size me up and figure out when you're gonna get used to me, to me enough to try to diss me or say some smart ship to me. That's not friendship. But we don't do that. We stay we stay fresh, and we stay fresh and new in our friendships.

00:36:15
Speaker 2: So it should be popping all the time.

00:36:19
Speaker 1: You got those shoeses, you know that's.

00:36:22
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's gonna tell you when to get some shoes.

00:36:25
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:36:25
Speaker 2: But there's there's there's I recommend to women or to it's to really like take those relationships seriously because I think in the up and downs of all our lives, that's what you come back to, right, are those friendships. It's like, yes, even if it's just even like you said, you let somebody go do whatever crazy ass ship whatever she wants right now and be right here when we're gonna be waiting right here, right here, But through the ups and downs of the life. It really is the friendships that that ground you and pick you up when you're.

00:36:57
Speaker 1: Down, and we get strength from each other.

00:37:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, I love you for that. I love you too for life and for life. But also one of the things about you that people might not know, and as your friend, I know this, you have really a gift of almost like a a sixth sense EmPATH Is that empathy or is that some type of gift, because because I'll call you on Tuesday and be like, yeah, I'm having a great day today. Yesterday though it was terrible, you'd be like, I knew it was terrible yesterday. I thout you yesterday, like you have a sense it's almost like a sixth sense. Or I'm probably you probably have this with Tania too. I'd imagine with your sister where if something's wrong with her, you can kind of feel it.

00:37:39
Speaker 1: Anybody I'm close to what I have it with, anybody that's been around me for a certain amount of time. I have it with. I don't know what it is. I don't know why it is. I think I just love people and care about them so deeply. The ones that I do that. I can just pick it up, you know, I can pick up when the energy's off, you know you can, and then I can just pick it up period. Yeah. I don't know what that is, but people call it a sixth sense, people call it just discernment, people call it being an EmPATH. Whichever one it is. I got something.

00:38:15
Speaker 2: It's interesting because being an EmPATH comes up a lot too, And I think that's an interesting thing to talk about because I am an EmPATH. Also, Yeah, yeah, you got it too. Yeah, I do and sometimes and I have cherished it. I think it's a gift. I'm grateful for it. But also I've learned you cannot be an EmPATH and not have boundaries because what happens is the world will suck you up, like if you don't have boundaries, and in friendships and relationships and or even what you put your energy into, the world will literally suck the life out of you.

00:38:51
Speaker 1: The value. Yeah, hey, guys.

00:38:53
Speaker 2: Support for this podcast is brought to you by Walden University. Have you ever thought to yourself, what if I could go after what I actually want and I could really make a difference. Well, you are not alone, and this is exactly why I want to tell you about Walden University. For over fifty years, Walden has helped working adults like you get the w with the knowledge, the skills and everything you need to build the future that you want. And you can make a difference where it matters most. If you've been waiting for the right moment, this is it. Head to waldenu dot edu and take that first step. Walden University set a course for change, certified to operate by SHIV. All right, we have some irls. This is our irl bowl with Mary J.

00:39:36
Speaker 4: Blige.

00:39:37
Speaker 2: Let me see in real life, brought to you by Walden University.

00:39:42
Speaker 1: What is something you used to be embarrassed about that you now own? All right? She said, Ah, I used to be embarrassed by the fact that I blink and stutter when I'm trying to comprehend something link when I'm trying to comprehend and I stutter when my brain is too far ahead. But I'm not embarrassed anymore. It is, it is what, it is cool with it.

00:40:12
Speaker 2: I own it. I love that and I never knew that. Well.

00:40:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to be embarrassed, especially in an interview, and I'd be like, uh, you know, stuttering the clip clip. Yeah, I stuttered and then I blink like crazy when I'm trying to comprehend something. Yeah, it's like a nervous energy, right, Yeah, I've seen I even seen it in my actor sometimes. I was like, oh, and you think that's what what do you think that is?

00:40:40
Speaker 2: Nervousness or insecurity or what do you think that is?

00:40:43
Speaker 1: I think it's a little of everything. Nervousness, insecurity and just at the same time trying to understand, trying to comprehend what's going on, the insecure about what it is that you have to do, and just nervous is everything all at once.

00:41:07
Speaker 2: That really is the byproduct of you doing the works like love yourself, like even that that you used to be insecure about.

00:41:12
Speaker 1: Now you're like, yeah, this is gonna happen. When it happens, and that's that's called that's you said. You just said that loving and embracing all of me, the good, the bad, the ugly, all of it. It's me. But the ones that I have to get rid of is the one I was telling you about, Like she's just she's just dark and crazy and offensive, and it's.

00:41:34
Speaker 2: Like, no, she's out of here.

00:41:36
Speaker 1: It's out of here like you're gonna keep working on this one.

00:41:41
Speaker 2: This one's doing great. Yeah, she's thanks and she's doing so great.

00:41:45
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:41:46
Speaker 2: Another segment we have is our voice memos. So this is usually like a fan or a listener or somebody from the pod that is, is this a fan question? And is it a question or a comment of both? All right, it's call the voice. No, it's Mary J. Blish common question. This person's Meg Hi, Meg Hi, Meg Hi Mary. My name's Magan, big fan.

00:42:11
Speaker 6: So my question is, as much as we see you dance up there with your boots on, do you think you'll ever have your own bootline one day? And I'm also I guess you could say a younger fan, but thank you for being the soundtrack to my mom's Saturday and Sundays cleaning or doing chores around the house and made my entire childhood grown up. So thank you for those wonderful memory.

00:42:37
Speaker 1: Thank you Meg, Thank you Mom. Everybody asked about boots though, well I did a bootline. Well you did a collab quick, quickly, would Giuseppe?

00:42:46
Speaker 2: You went and you went high?

00:42:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, and people went low, and a lot of they sold out on the first night they sold out and then after that people was like, shit is too expensive. So yeah, I'm definitely gonna do an affordable one at something some point for the fans. For people.

00:43:04
Speaker 2: You've done so many things earrings and sunglasses and tours and shows and we got a movie now too, right.

00:43:15
Speaker 1: Lifetime movie. Yeah, so I have a deal with Lifetime.

00:43:18
Speaker 2: What is your role in that, like your executive producer?

00:43:22
Speaker 1: Well, I have a production company that team that would Lifetime to do these movies. So then all the movies are like the names of my song. So the first one we did was Real Love, the second one was a Strength of a Woman, the third one was Family Affair, and now here comes Be Happy. Yeah, so that's what that's what's coming. Now Be Happy is coming and it stars Makai Pfeiffer, yeah, Russell Hornsby tshah Camp. Yeah. So yes, and the movies are pretty wholesome and relatable. Real Love is probably just it's a cute love story about you know people, kids going to college and falling in love this couple, and then Strength of a Woman is it's like a continuation movie. And you know Da Vinci and a Ganna from BMF. Yeah, they're the actors that play in those first three and the goals a continuation and this one has be happy Tsha Russell and Mackay cute.

00:44:35
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a love kind of a light love story, right, yeah, yeah, what is that's one of our real life in real life? Like where are you at with love? And like how do you define it? Do you think about it differently than a young Mary did?

00:44:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely differently than young Mary.

00:44:53
Speaker 2: Like what did you used to think love was? What do you think it is now?

00:44:56
Speaker 1: Well? Love, I used to think love was a consistent feeling and it's constant effort. Now it's just it's effort, and you have to really honor and love and respect the person who was consistent, because you know, when you've been with someone for years and they still honor and love you and respect you and have fun with you, that's that's a that's a blessing and that's a beautiful thing to have someone love you, because that is effort, you know, that act of love. Yes, exactly, the act of love. And that's that's that's how I see it. Even for myself, it's all work, you know, it's an it's effort because every day I don't feel like saying good morning, gorgeous, but I say it because I love myself. So that's where I'm at with love. It's it's I'm grateful for the effort, the action. Yeah.

00:45:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so that's interesting. Yeah, so we were young. It was almost just like a it's like a fantasy.

00:45:54
Speaker 1: Word, but love it's a It was a feeling and infatuation. But when the feeling of infatuation is gone, you left with the person you either love or hate.

00:46:06
Speaker 5: You know.

00:46:07
Speaker 1: It's it's not about sex all the time. It's not about but it's about friendship. You know, touching a person when you know you're just sitting watching a movie, or you know, just little things. It's about being appreciative for the little things.

00:46:24
Speaker 2: And love is a verb word.

00:46:29
Speaker 1: It's a verb. You gotta you have to continue to do it, but you're only going to continue to do it if you love the person.

00:46:36
Speaker 2: You know, that's yourself included.

00:46:39
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's common I'm in common sense love, common sense. This don't this makes sense? Right, It's like either you do or you don't, all right.

00:46:47
Speaker 2: I r L questions. I always like this is one of my favorite IRL questions. If God were to text you right now, Mary Jane Blish, What would it say today? Today?

00:47:03
Speaker 1: He would say, I'm proud of.

00:47:04
Speaker 2: You home about the store crying.

00:47:06
Speaker 1: No, I'm not hee wople say, I see you doing the work. I see you trying. I see I saw who you was, I've seen what you've been through. You had every right to be offended, you had every right to be on guard and and everything that you was. But I see you doing the work. I see you wanting to be better and not better. That's what he would say to me. And now you got me.

00:47:40
Speaker 2: I'm sorry. That was so beautiful.

00:47:48
Speaker 1: One oh god.

00:47:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, but those are like tears of joy, man. Yeah, those are not sad tears. Those are happy tears. These are definitely happy. Don't you love you? Don't you love? Happy tears are the best tears ever. Only you can do this. That's a good thing, really, because you've talked it and you've manifested it. But you're like, really here, you're really here now, amazing to see it, and I think people see it. I'm sorry, Well you're sorry.

00:48:21
Speaker 1: I'm just I'm really happy that you see it because you've seen me at my worst and nobody talk like me and you talk, you see me come through so much, and the fact that because you're like, you were hard when it was like a nigga, but now you're like, I'm proud of you and thank you for being hard on me in the areas where I needed to be. You helped me grow.

00:48:49
Speaker 2: Now I thank you. I love you, sweetie, thank you so much. Friendship is two ways, guys. Let that be a lesson because everything we do on this podcast, I made this podcast so that the real life experiences that we have as we talk about them and we share them, hopefully land for people in their real lives. And so, if nothing else from today's conversation, the importance of friendship, the importance of like being honest with yourself, being the best version of yourself, loving on yourself, so you could even have good friends or a good relationship, or show up in your job, or show up for press the way you've been showing up for pressed. No really, I put the TV on your hands. You just seem free and happy like that doesn't just happen. That doesn't just happen. It takes all that word.

00:49:36
Speaker 1: You gotta fight for it, though, you have to fight for your own peace. Everybody's not going to be what you want them to be. So you can't let that shake your world. You gotta stay in your world, stay in your joy, and you can't help the people that are going through their own stuff. That's not your stuff. This is your stuff.

00:49:57
Speaker 2: The one thing I would like to get to that we didn't get to before. It was like when we I was looking at that go back to that photo that we started with. When you look at that time and think about all the things you've kind of survived and witnessed and gone through and experienced, what do you think you're what do you think is the thing that just kept you going, that didn't break you, that got you here.

00:50:21
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm gonna just say it had to be God carrying me to my purpose, you know, because it was a lot of times I felt like I didn't want to live no more. But obviously God had another plan. And on the other side of that plan was two Oscar nominations, Like soon as I got the divorce, soon as I got out of that, two Oscar nominations was on the end of that, an envy with Doctor dre at the Super Bowl and a hit TV show, you know, Ghosts. I ain't see any of that coming, But I made it out, and you know I had to be. You ever seen that. It's a picture. It's called Footsteps. You ever seen it? And it has footsteps in the sand and it's supposed I guess its supposed to be Jesus's footsteps carrying you. So I guess that's what was carrying me.

00:51:19
Speaker 2: Was Jesus, because.

00:51:22
Speaker 1: I don't know how how else I would have gotten here.

00:51:27
Speaker 2: Are we just gonna have one big old celebration about that in Vegas? Is this gonna be like one o big old celebration? Yes, life and victory? And is it like a victory lap tour? I feel like it is.

00:51:39
Speaker 1: It's a it's a life story. You know, it'll start with childhood, you know, because all the stuff starts when you're when you're a baby, ship starts right away, like the bull the ship. The bullshit starts right away. People trying to hurt you, people trying to hurt your family. But as a little kid, people you know, was always trying to hurt me on my FLD, always trying to hurt me, or trying to hurt my mom, was trying to hurt my sister because we were my mom was a single parent mother, living in the projects, and it was just us two us, us three little women living in hell. So it had to be God because we've been fighting for our lives, you know, forever. Yeah, and then it got worse when I got in the music business.

00:52:26
Speaker 2: Well because you stepped into you've seen that.

00:52:30
Speaker 1: Video on Deep Inside. You ever seen the video. There's this part in the video Deep Inside where I said, don't judge me or think I'm bitter for the evil gods allow me to see. And I co directed this video and in the video, I don't know if you have you ever seen the Devil's Advocate. Remember when they was taking off their shirts and he was all monsters under the underneath they was showing like the demon eyes and the teeth in the video. I did the video like that as I'm walking on the red carpet and people are asking me questions, you know, like the press, and I made them look like monsters and demons, that's right. And I had a ya, I'm a discuss. I had a dream one day, like it was before I got into music business, and I was going to this event and when I got got there, everybody turned into like but it was a big, big, big event. And when I got there, everybody turned around and they was like like monsters and demons and ship. I said, oh, so this is I guess this is what the music industry is gonna be. And that's exactly what it's been. That's that's that's the majority of it. But far as like people that are close and that are friends, you know, but the majority of it, people you don't know who they are. You know, you can't tell their their other faces and monster faces.

00:53:58
Speaker 6: You know.

00:53:59
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're gonna do with this. I don't want to sound nuts, but it's it's true. You know. That's that's what I face, and that's what I came out of.

00:54:07
Speaker 2: M and made it to the other side. Yeah.

00:54:10
Speaker 1: I don't see too many demons and ship now because.

00:54:13
Speaker 2: Maybe that's what Maybe that's what that light is about.

00:54:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, they're not coming around. They're not gonna come around because the light is too bright.

00:54:23
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. That's a bar. Keep your keep your life right, guys, keep it. Yeah, that's God right.

00:54:31
Speaker 1: Amen. I love you too, sister, Thank you real life. This is Mary J. Blige in real life.

00:54:43
Speaker 2: Hey, guys, thanks for watching. Make sure you subscribe, like comments, and check out all of the other episodes we have on Edge. Martinez I R O Podcast