Reframe Your Past: Ignite Your Greatest Love Story

Robin Fisher Roffer: I know myself well and what I need and I think maybe that's it is you write out a list of what you need and you manifest that. That's not very woo woo but I think a lot of people will enter in a relationship and they'll give up certain needs and that's not cool, right? So really naming what you need. Not that you're not gonna get everything on that list but I think you can have a very beautiful life with somebody. Welcome to Plenty of Husbands podcast for women who are older, wiser and hotter. This is where we inspire women in midlife to believe they can love again. And I'm your host, Robin Fisher-Roffer. Now let's meet today's guest. Anne Randolph is a writer. She's a performer and a teacher with a core expertise in reframing stories, your personal story. Anne is also a solo performer. shows that have toured the US. Her breakout solo show was produced off-Broadway by none other than Mel Brooks, and she's also known for her outrageous humor and heart. Most recently, Anne co-wrote a one-person show with Alanis Morissette that opened at Caesar's Palace. Alongside performing, she is deeply committed to helping others tell their stories, which is what Anne has done for me. She teaches a course called Unmute, Your Story Matters, which is both an online course and a live week-long workshop that takes place in spectacular retreats around the world. I've personally attended many of Anne's workshops, which gave me the space and the inspiration to write not one, not two, but three books. It's because of Anne. She gives people that boundless permission to be themselves creatively. Anne, my friend, I am so grateful that you are here and my guest today on Plenty of Husbands. Thank you, Robin. I'm so excited to be here with you. So Anne, I want to get started with this storytelling piece that you know so well. You have invented a methodology. I know that you have a strong point of view on storytelling and something that we have to do when we're on a date. and it gets harder as we get older, I think, is answering that question, tell me about yourself. I mean, where should a woman start of a certain age? I mean, she's lived a long life, and I'd love to know what she should maybe say or not say in her story. That's a great question, Robin, because I feel like, ⁓ my God, when I'm meeting somebody, I have to really like, there's so much history, you got to just let little bits out at a time. And I think if you go into like, this happened to me, this happened to me, this happened to me, people start to tune out. think in that first date, it's just like the story that got you there with the date, that you're there, that you're excited, you're open to meeting somebody. feel like first dates, you go into, well, this relationship didn't told your relationship history or anything like that. I think that's challenging. I think that can come later, but I think initially you want to have fun. how do you have fun? I mean, you're nervous, you're on a date with somebody possibly you're excited about, you know, Where do you begin to find that part of you that can have fun and let go? I mean, you have to get on stage all the time. You do these solo shows. How do you just let go of the fear and just have faith and have fun? Tequila. Well, that can help. Do a shot and then let me drink more. I think that does help. A glass of wine, something. I mean, yeah, when you're older and you're, you know, look, there's not a lot. of interesting prospects and probably guys would say the same thing as you get older, you get in your ways. And I think in between there's like, for me, there were long periods of time before I wanted to go out with somebody again. And so when you really do meet somebody, you're super nervous. So I think the first thing is, you know, maybe having a powwow with some girlfriends before you do it, just getting out that, that nervous jitter, right? And it's kind of like going on stage too. I'm terrified. I'm about ready to go out on stage and I don't do tequila before stage, but I have a lot of anxiety, a lot of stage fright. It's very much the same thing. And I just try to breathe, feel myself in my body, ground myself. And then also before I go on stages, I pump myself up and tell myself, you know, self-talk that's very positive. And I try to do the same before I go out on a date, you know, of what I have to offer, the gifts I have to offer. And also I think because I'm a storyteller and a teacher, I'm really good at listening. So I feel like my safe zone is I could get a man to talk and probably not shut up, right? What is it? You can hear a lot of man, man's playing man's playing. Well, I think like if I got in any sort of nervous position, I could just, you know, ask a certain question and I could get off the hook. Right. Okay. So let me just read. These were so many good ones. You've got to first of all, do a warmup with your girlfriends, right? Call your confidant and kind of Get yourself ready, right, for that date. you know, cause if you just walk in, you've been isolating, you've been alone, it's gonna be trouble. It's gonna be hard. And you're gonna maybe look needy and desperate, right? And fearful. So get warmed up with the girls, have them pump you up. Also pump up yourself with self-talk, I heard you say, right? And if all else fails, just shut up, ask him a good question and listen to the answer. And that will lead. you to probably your own story and where to jump in. So I think those are great ones. Is there anything else that you would say for storytelling on a first date? Well, I think remembering that they are just as nervous probably as you are. hate fun. That's a good one. I was just saying, ⁓ my God, just sitting down at the table, I'm so nervous. Are you? Just like get it out of the gate, right? That's so great. That's fantastic. I love that idea. When you met your sweetheart Jim, who you, I know you've been with for three years and he's just wonderful. five. What? ⁓ my God. How did, okay. I'm living in the past. Almost five. That's amazing. Yeah. What did, how did that happen? Tell us your love story because this was five years ago. You're, you know, you're both in midlife. You're both free. Where were you? What were the circumstances? I was living in Kauai and it was during the pandemic, right? So I met him right after the, you know, people were allowed to fly again and run around. In Kauai, it was paradise because nobody was on that island. They didn't let anybody on the island. We had no COVID maybe later. So it was just like, and I love Kauai. I had the perfect job. I lead retreats in Kauai. I also do shows in Kauai. I had a beautiful house in Kauai. That's a long story, but I didn't want to go. I didn't ever want to leave Kauai. And I came to Santa Fe to visit my girlfriends that live here. And I had lived here when I was 28 years old. so I was so excited to see them. And we went to the Cowgirl, which is this local bar in town. And I was there and I have to tell you, Kwai, the men are like, they call it monk island. The men like are, there's nothing. They're either super dudes, super dudes or monks, right? There's nothing there. And I was like, ⁓ God, ⁓ no. I remember one time I put myself on Tinder in Kwai. And I got one guy, an 82-year-old man. And I'm like, that's it in Kauai. And actually, have to tell you, Robin, I went out with him because his profile said he was a concert pianist. I'm very into classical music. He had composed. He was a famous composer. And I said, well, I'll just go meet him just to have a friend that's into classical music because it's not a very stimulating, creative, intellectual island. I shouldn't say that it is, but you've got to find the pockets. And he says, let's meet at the food court. Now let's tell how romantic a food court is on a first date. We got a Hawaiian food court. A Hawaiian food court. So we go to the food court and I'm looking for him and I'll see him. And I'll see him, you know, because I know what his picture looks like. And all of a sudden I see this man dressed in this full on Arab chic outfit with a, I mean, and people in the food quarter, they're scared and they're looking and he's motionless, like looking at people and I'm like, what is going on? And I go up to him and I, I realized this, him and I goes, is that you John? And he rips off the turban. says, I like to role play. And I'm like, this thing, so I knew this guy wasn't somebody I was going to be interested in, but for them, I'm a creative person. The next hour he just role played. Then I started going over his house and we improvised piano and the character, not dating, but I had a great time. And, but that's the kind of, that's the kind of man that was on call. You told that story because a lot of people won't go on dates. because they're looking for the one instead of just wanting to make a connection and wanting to make a friend. And you ended up making a friend with somebody who touched your creative heart with the role playing, with the piano playing. You made a great friend who was really fun. You just never know who you're gonna meet. You gotta get out there. This is crazy, Robyn. No longer I got to, and I think because I come from improvisation, I'm big on yes and, meaning I'm there to play. I look at the date as another sketch, right? Improv. I'm going to play and I'm going say yes in and explore. I'm not going to do any sort of like, this sucks. I was very intrigued by this person that was a classical pianist. It turns out he was bisexual. He had a lover 10 years younger than me. I'm like, my God, things like that. So Robin. Yeah, you got to meet somebody that's showing you a lifestyle you don't even know about really very much. That's very cool. And you said something else about Yes And, and for those of us, of course, I've been in your workshop, I've done your improv, and I know what Yes And is, but tell our listeners and our viewers what it is. It's like when somebody offers some information, I went, you know, I went to this play and you go, yes, and you would add, bet. Tell me more, you know, it's like more like a tell me more and you're adding on to what they're sharing rather than trying to take the conversation back to you or doing a yes, but you're adding on, you're adding information that is along their storyline, if that makes sense. You're not- It sounds like really good advice for a date. You know, you've asked a good question. Maybe it's, you know, tell me how, where you grew up and he gets into it and, and then you say, yes, and. I also grew up there or I grew up that way too. Instead of all of a sudden taking it over and going into another direction, you're having this flowing conversation with that great improv tactic of yes and. Yeah, I think it's really good because man, you can get in some situations probably where you're with somebody that just might say yes, no, yes. Or but no. But no. But no, but think the other thing is asking questions. know, people love to have people ask them questions, you know? Love, that's a tell. Tell me about what it was like to meet Jim at the Cowgirl in the middle of COVID and you are living in Hawaii and you're just there visiting your girlfriend. So here's this very handsome man. What happens? Well, first of all, there was a handsome man. Yeah, wow. That's different than Gly, right? Yeah. So I think, know, I felt like I was a teenager going into that cowgirl because I felt like, my God, there's men everywhere. Yes, ladies in their 60s. No, I was in my 50s and can still be in heat. So I suppose that's what it was. I saw him right away and I was immediately attracted to him because I'm attracted to a very kind of because I think your opposites attract. I saw he's like a He looked like a captain or something. He looked very serious and very... And I just kind of... He was at the bar and I just went behind him and there was a band playing and I was like, I'm just gonna stay here and I'm just gonna wait till he turned around and then hopefully he'll ask me to dance and that's what happened. Amazing. And then he asked you to dance and then Yeah. And then it was... We had some small talk and then at the end of the night... You know, I kept talking with him, my girlfriends did, and there was tequila involved, right? And I, look, I didn't drink at all in Kauai. And when I get with my girlfriends that I've known since childhood, and then we were in college together, ⁓ we go back to that. we're drinking and having a good time. So I probably had two tequila, two shots of tequila, and they were having a, it was just like a super fun night. And at the end of night, he asked for my phone number. And I was really excited, Robin, about that. Now, I was supposed to go back to Kauai. Right? At the... in two weeks. So we have another date and it's awkward, Robin. It is so awkward. And I'm so attracted. I felt like we were like this thing about asking questions. He's not one to probe. So I felt like I was doing heavy lifting on asking questions, but I also saw, ⁓ my God, this man is so kind and so gentle, but I also was not going to leave my kawaii digs. That would be a big move, right? Yeah. But I did get this... incredible opportunity to do this performance out at Ghost Ranch. And I was also studying tango at the time. This is kind of crazy. I, and I was, wanted to stay and keep studying with this teacher and this teacher, a female teacher, and I'm a horrible dancer, but I love tango. And she'd say, Anne, I can feel you changing. I feel like you're letting in intimacy now as we dance. And this is big because I think I have major intimacy issues, Robin. I've never, I was so career focused my whole life. I'm like, I had three marriage proposals. like, I'm not going to, I just wanted my career. so, but as you get older, I'm like, ⁓ my God, I'm realizing I'm really out of balance. So this teacher's saying, I think you're, she's also like a psychologist, tango, somatic teacher. So she's helping me. So I'm feeling this as I'm studying with her and then I'm having a date with Jim, I can see my own issues coming up and I can see his issues too, right? And so I keep extending the trip. So now I need a place to live. I move into the Tango studio and I'm living there and I'm seeing Jim still going back and this happens, I say this goes on for, it was like a gradual falling in love. I seriously, it wasn't like a, I think most people would have probably like, why are you trying either? But he would say the same for me. I didn't have sex with him for a while. And I think he's probably like the last date I wasn't. He's like, I'm over her. She's not giving it. I'm just like. I wasn't sure. had so much and that lasted, even though I did fall in love, I still was uncertain. Like, well, where am I going to live? I love Kauai. So for a year I would go back and forth. Kauai, Santa Fe, he came out to Kauai and then it just was right. It was right. But it was not like this instant. I know I was instantly attracted to him, but it wasn't, I think, because of my own stuff. I think it was really hard for me to really let go. Yeah. Feel like maybe you deserve. to have a love that was this real with somebody this solid? Yeah, I think that probably could be the case too. I mean, I feel like I had good relationships with men. I just had this single pointed focus for career. Yeah, I was really hard to, and I do think if you know about attachment theory, I think I definitely had that mixed one, which is really messed up where you're anxious and then you're avoidant. avoid it. And then when I met Jim, I said, I know you, you're an avoidant, because I'm an avoidant. Like, I knew his numbers. He said, was the first time he was ever called out. I mean, not that he knew that that was the word, but I think we really just have grown beautifully together. We just name these things. But I couldn't do it. Like when I first met him, Robin, okay, here's the thing. He said, I will never marry again. He was married before and I will never live with somebody. And I'm like, bingo. Because I've been a solo independent artist my whole life and I love my own space, my own creative space. And I feel like different men that I've met, they would want to move in and cook, clean, maybe old school. I don't do any of that. I eat out. You have so much more to offer than cooking and cleaning. I mean, that's terrible to say about men. Jim would never want that. He wouldn't want that. like, thank God. And he cooks for you. Right? And he cleans. He's a neat neck. He's a neat neck and a mouselade. So it's the odd couple would not do well in the, I don't think in it. So we're together three to four nights a week, I'd say. And then I retreat back and do my little thing here. And it's my place super messy, is super neat. Well, and I think that's really interesting because the New York Times wrote an article on this trend of being completely committed to another person, which you and Jim are. You've been together almost five years. I have a feeling you're going to be together for the rest of your lives, don't you? I mean, you're solidly together, but you're living apart and you've chosen to live apart. You've chosen not to get married. You kind of made a deal. on that first date, know, at first or second date when he said, I'm never gonna live with anyone. I'm never gonna marry anyone. But he has so been right there with you in every aspect. You are a couple, you are together. You're just living apart because of your independent streak. And because you're more, like you said, I'm not gonna brand you. You said it yourself, messy. And he's really like... a neat neck, very fastidious. So that would never work. This is working for you, right? Yeah, it's totally working. I mean, there's a whole movement of older people that choose to live apart because they're settled in their ways. And it would be different if I probably lived with somebody or married in the past. I mean, it would be really like a challenge for me, think, Robin, to live with somebody. And there may be listeners or viewers right now saying, wanting to shake you, Anne, and going, but you can do it. It's time, you know, and it's so wonderful to live with somebody and they would impose or project their feelings onto you like it could be inconceivable for them to live apart. But what we need to do as we move through life and we become wiser is accept all these different forms of relationship. And actually, I think there's also another set of listeners and viewers who are probably cheering you on going, That's the one thing I don't want to do is live with the man. Hey, Ann's teaching me. I can do it differently. I hope so. Because when I talk to girlfriends, sometimes they're married. I'm like, and they'll tell me what they do during the day. I'd shoot myself, Robin. I couldn't do it. There is no Me with Brian, who I've been with now going on nine years, I absolutely love being in a home with him and having a life with him. We're not married, so that's something we do that's a little untraditional, you know, but we are, we own a home together, we have a dog together, we have all these things together. We are completely committed, our kids are all bonded. We just haven't taken the leap. I just want everyone to know that there are different ways to be in love as we go later in life. We have our whole past experiences. Now we can define what love is for us. And we need to be confident about that. and step into the 21st century way of being together, not necessarily the 20th century way that we grew up with. So do you think that having said all that, that living together is one of the barriers to finding love in midlife? And do you think there's others that maybe women will be, I just watched, I watched, what's the show that we love with the costume? Bridgerton, I watched Bridgerton last night and one of the, the sisters, she says, I'm gonna be put on the shelf. I wanna be on the shelf. So for those of the, I know it's shocking, but for those back then, for those of us who are saying, I don't wanna date, I just wanna live my life alone. I've had plenty of husbands, the name of this podcast. I've done it all, I'm fine on my own. What do you think is, besides living with somebody might be those other barriers that are keeping them from? I think people lose hope. think they lose hope or they've been in a bad relationship and it's very sad. It's hard to get that mojo back, right? If you've been burned in a relationship, it is not easy to go back out there again. And I think it's whatever it takes. And people justify, I don't need it, I got my cat. The cat is fine, but a cat can't give you an orgasm. not that that's what it, but that's just that human. mean, I love the being, being Jim and having that connection and these conversation and the intimacy of, just having somebody. I know he has my back and I have his back. That's a, you know, we're really in a lonely disconnected world right now. And people I think are afraid more than ever, but at the same time, there, there's so much loneliness. And I think you got to take that risk. You really have to take the risk and go back out there and look, your ego and all those are going to give you negative beliefs. Like, what are you thinking? You're too old. You're da, da, da, da, da, know, and you really have to work through those because what you get, like I'm so happy in my relationship. I'm, I feel like, ⁓ my God, it came late in life and I was ready for it. And I'm finally getting in balance. And look, I've done tons of therapy. Even my therapist is like, and I don't think you'd be good moving in with somebody. She's, she knows that. I know myself well and what I need and I think maybe that's it is you write out a list of what you need and you manifest that. That's not very woo-woo, but I think a lot of people will enter in a relationship and they'll give up certain needs and that's not cool, right? So really naming what you need, not that you're not going to get everything on that list, but I think you can have a very beautiful life with somebody. Yeah. And I really like... having an is is not list, my soulmate is, my soulmate is not. So 10 things that they are and 10 things that you don't want them to be, you know, and those can actually align with each other, right? The generous of spirit, not an avoidant, right? You used that word earlier or, you know, accepting, not boundary lists, you know, so they match the words. And then I also love the idea And we do something like this when we're working in your workshops is scripting out that vision of love and allowing yourself to really breathe into, I'm not going to live with them, but we wake up in the morning together three nights a week like you do. Or we live in different cities, but we meet once a month. You have a student, I think, that does that. I'm a student that does that. Yeah. It works for her. It's taking out the idea of what is traditional because we are older, wiser, and hotter now. ⁓ We don't have do all those tropes and traps. So I love the idea of writing out what you need. And again, in your workshops, you're writing your story, you're reframing your story. And I think another thing, and I want to get your, cause you talked about taking risks for love and that we have to be taking that risk to be open and ready for love, matter. the possible pitfalls that can happen. You could get hurt, that's true, but you could hurt somebody else. But I think it's worth the risk. And talk to us a little bit about how storytelling can help or reframing our own personal story might help. Well, I like using what you were talking about is scripting it because Joey Cameron, who wrote The Artist's Way, right in the direction you want to see your life going. So you... I think the more specific you are, now look, I didn't do this on this one. I'm not a man, I did it with my career. But I think it's a super helpful tool because I've seen it happen with my students where they call in exactly what they want, but they have really envisioned it down to the detail and written it out and looked at it every day. And I've done that with my... like I remember I wrote exactly, want this producer that's going to take me to New York that's well known, that's in comedy and boom, Mel Brooks. But I wrote it out and I looked at it every single day. And I think you can do that with a man, you can do it with a dream house, whatever you want to manifest and really committing to that. But I think the more specific you are in the writing, the better the outcome for sure, Robin. I think so. And I absolutely agree. And I also think in your workshops, You get to also role play and do improv and be, you know, you and your highest self. Maybe even confront that deeply hurt, that deep hurt that you have, you know, who deeply hurt you. And you just tell the story a different way through role playing. There's all kinds of methodology in what you do. I think that could be really interesting. You know what we should do? We should do a love workshop where we're doing- I love that, Ravid. That would be amazing. And you re-frame your story. When we do those improvs, we have two people facing each other, right? Yes. One of the lines I'll say is, I want you to stay, I need to go, right? And some people just say, I need to go. And they're out. Like if I would have done that in this relationship, and the same with Jim, like a lot of people get the first hint, oh, I'm an avoidant. He's an avoidant. This isn't going to work. I'm out, right? But if you stayed in this improv dance for a while, which I did and he did, right? You're not bailing at the first little sign. You're working it and dancing it, if that makes sense. And in these improvs that we do in the workshop, people sometimes become very clear of patterns that are unconscious, that they didn't know they held. They might think, well, yeah, of course I bail on the first sign. And then we'll have a discussion. Is that really helpful in your friendships and your relationships? But they might not have been aware until they acted it out within this improv line. So I feel is very helpful. And I saw that in my own self. kept my friends were huge in helping me stay in this in the beginning because I had that I'm out of here. That's a default. I'm out of here. It's going to ruin my career. I'm out of here. It's going to, you know, and they were like, they were super encouraging to keep going there. think it helps to have friends that are rooting for you in your love life. And if you have friends that are naysayers or say, you're right, I don't like the way he treated you last night and they're sabotaging. your happiness, they might have to exit stage left right now. You know, because you need people cheering you on. I'll never forget coming home from dates with Brian and my 18 year old daughter, you know, in bed with her homework, her laptop on her lap. How was the date mom? And I'd say, I just don't know if this is going to go anywhere. I just, I don't, you know, I don't get this guy. He's just so different. And she goes, that's great mom. Don't fuck it up. Like it's good that he's different. and unfamiliar because those other guys did not work, including my own father. So stick with it, mom. need someone in your corner cheering you on, whether it's a therapist or it's your girlfriends or your own daughter. Yeah. ⁓ Robin, I love that. She's the truth. Yeah, because it's not like you're normal, right? And that's the other thing. We go to what we know and then... I mean, I remember I called early on psychics and astrologers and I'm saying, he's a total this, this and this. And then they go, no, it's you. And I'd say, give me my money back. No, it's you is interesting. Yeah. They said it's your issue and it's your, what was underneath it was as I think I wouldn't even admit that I was falling in love. then abandonment comes up. Uh-oh, got the same. Exactly. Exactly why I wanted to run. And I was like, he's too good to be true. Yeah. When's the other shoe going to drop, right? All these things that, because we're used to being maybe with a narcissist and now we're with somebody stable and normal and it feels weird. Where's the drama? Yeah. It's great when there's no drama, but it takes a minute to be with somebody who's not creating drama and who's actually stable and a good guy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was, it was, ⁓ I'm so glad I stayed in. didn't like do the, I'm out of here. I'm so glad you did too, because we really enjoy being with you too. And now Anne lives in Santa Fe. it all, been over a decade at workshops all over the place and she ends up moving to my hometown. So that was totally meant to be too. I love that. I love that. I know. So how, how, if you're afraid of falling in love again, how can you actually let go of what's holding you back emotionally? Like, what are some of the things that you do to just let go? Whether, you know, whether it's with Jim, friends, work, not get all caught up in the drama and the emotion. Well, I think, think letting go. I mean, as much resources as you can have. Like if you're afraid to go back out there again, I get it. It's like the therapist, like to have friends, like to, you know, one of the things I realized in this whole process, I've got codependency that came from mom, right? I started going to 12 steps around that. And I just think anytime that you can learn to express and communicate clearly, it's just going to help your relationship. But I think also being in groups and working with people and working with, just letting your friends tell you the truth. Look, it's easy to get defensive because I know I'm like, what do you mean? Like when they would say it's me. But really can you put that aside, just really take what people see in you and ask for honest feedback and also let people know you need help. You need cheerleading. This is big at all. And that emotional wound is so deep. It's deep, And I think we'll be working with our wounds from what happened early on as long as we live, right? You work them out in relationship. People say I'm fine alone, but I don't think I really would have addressed this wound had Jim not come into my life. Like that's a biggie, right? I'm seeing it clearly and I'm working with it, but I don't think you can see those things unless you're partnered with somebody. think Harville Hendricks talks about that. He's a psychologist, famous psychologist about the people you pick you're working out something with. and I'm glad to be working it out. don't know if Jim knows I'm working it out, but I am. You said that because working it out with someone gets you further faster. A lot of people have said to me, I'm going to fix myself and then I'll go back out there. And so they isolate and they do this navigation of thy belly button. My dad would always say, why are you navigating your belly button? I just love the visual on that. Like, yeah, it doesn't really help when you're just looking at your stuff in an isolated way. It's great to get out there. I love what you said about 12-step programs. Absolutely. If you have things to work out, being in group dynamic, going to workshops, having a coach, friends that are cheerleaders. These are all the ways that you're going to be able to get out there again, even if you had a painful breakup, a painful divorce, and you want to be better, not bitter. This is something that my coach, Sara, said to me the other day, who's going to be coming on the show. I love that idea because if we isolate, we can become bitter and we need to reframe our story. So that's the last question that I wanted to ask you is how can reframing your story change your own personal outlook and bring you luck in love and in life? And do you have any examples of how somebody's reframed their story and it's brought them everything? they've wanted or needed like a magnet. Well, you did Robin. You are the one. You're the master. You did. And I do think it's it. think it's, and people say, well, I do these, but I don't believe in like, really have to work it you have to feel it and feel that experience in your body. The body is so much the key. And I just think listening and affirming, like whatever work, like I'm telling you, I would not be in this relationship had it not be. for the friends, the therapist, the crazy psychic saying it's you. You need to have outside resources helping you. Just because I think I was really messed up in being able to be in intimate relationship. So if I can do it, hello, everybody out there. Everybody can do it if Ann can do it. If I can do it. I wanted to say something about reframing your story in relationship. about, I think I was about five dates in with Brian. when I had to confess to him that I had been married three times. And I was so nervous, because he had only had one divorce. And here I was with this track record, right? And I felt like, as a perfectionist, as a person who likes to be the straight-A student, I thought I was incredibly flawed. Three strikes, you're out-flawed. So he prepares for me this beautiful chacuterie and a bottle of wine, and we're sitting out on his portal. with the lilacs blooming. It was so romantic. And I just decide to say, I need to tell you something. I've been married three times. He leans back. He takes a breath. My heart is beating out of my chest. I believe it. Leans forward and he says, so let me get this straight. While I was in a miserable marriage, you were having an adventure? God, Robin. It was literally life changing. That's incredible. What a reframe. Right? But I could have never gotten all the gurus, all the workshops. Nothing could have given me what he gave me in that moment. That is an amazing story, Robin. Yeah. Acceptance is love. Yeah. That's everything. So, Anne, on that happy note, and I hope everyone is encouraged to... Go to one of your workshops or at least sit on an unmute session, which you have daily. You go for a month and everyone can jump on and do the storytelling. You don't have to be a writer. How can they find you and sign up for these wonderful online and live workshops that you do? AnneRandolph.com, Robin. I just have to have one thing since you said you felt like three times. Well, it's also people taboo if you've never been married. What's wrong with you? Are you a lesbian? Right? So I think either way. Too many husbands, no husbands. But when you're with somebody who actually loves you and accepts you, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Right. So we got to let ourselves off the hook for all of that. Well, this has been so much fun. All right, everyone, that's a wrap for today's episode. Thank you, Anne Randolph, for bringing your wisdom and your storytelling. Until the next time, I'm your host, Robin Fisher-Roffer, inspiring all of you older, wiser, hotter women to believe you can love again. Bye, everyone. Thank you. Thank you, Robin. I love you. Bye. Bye.