205 | Aggressive Play in the Playroom & Transitioning Kids to CCPT: Three Questions Answered

Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy

In this episode of the Play Therapy Podcast, I respond to three insightful questions from Texie in Michigan. She asks about managing aggressive play where a child consistently "kills" her in the playroom, handling what to do when the therapist is "dead," and transitioning children from directive therapy into child-centered play therapy. I break down each question, offering practical guidance for therapists navigating similar challenges in their sessions.

For the first question, I discuss the importance of understanding the deeper themes behind aggressive play and how we, as therapists, should follow the limit setting criteria. Texie's example of good guy versus bad guy play is a powerful theme, and I emphasize the significance of not interfering with this processing work unless it violates our personal boundaries.

Regarding the second question about being "dead" in the playroom, I highlight that therapists should continue engaging with the child, even if they've been "killed," unless the child explicitly tells them to remain silent.

Lastly, I provide a step-by-step approach to transitioning children from directive therapy to CCPT, ensuring parents are on board and helping children adjust to the new approach where they are in charge of the play.

If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.

Ask Me Questions: Call ‪(813) 812-5525‬, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast

Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.

2024-10-02 15 min Transcript

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Transcript

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class and child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I am answering a couple of questions from Texiee

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in Michigan

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and she has written in before. Actually, Grace had written in before as well.

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So thank you for being repeat question

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requesters. I don't really know what I should call you all.

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Thank you for listening as long as you've been listening,

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but thank you for sending in repeat questions as well.

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So Texiee and Michigan had three questions and again, just to kind of make it easy,

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I'm going to answer all of them in one episode.

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So let's read through a little bit of her

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email and then we'll talk through some of these.

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So the first is I have a child who is definitely in work and aggression

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for the past several weeks. She has come in and set up a scene of good guy versus bad guy

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depending on a moment by moment basis.

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Sometimes I'm a good guy with her and sometimes I'm a bad guy

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when I'm a bad guy.

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Typically I get shot and killed and then she revives me within 20 to 30 seconds

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overall. I think I'm ok with aggressive play.

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What I'm struggling with is how she's killing me.

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Most of the time she holds a gun to my head and shoots me point blank

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In the podcast.

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I've heard you say things like the play

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room is where kids can engage in socially unacceptable

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behaviors as they work their aggression in a safe

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place where they're accepted unconditionally by the therapist.

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Yes, Texie, thank you for hearing that in earlier podcasts.

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However, in one episode,

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you talked about when children want to reenact sexual trauma with a therapist

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and setting a limit around this type of play for obvious reasons.

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I've run through the litmus test and I feel

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that I can accept the child with this behavior.

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We have a good relationship and good rapport and what started

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as 15 to 20 kills per session is lessening each session.

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Last week. I only died three times

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huge win. We will celebrate that

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overall.

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I'm wondering if this is a type of behavior that

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warrants limit setting by nature of the type of killing.

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Ok. Absolutely not. Unless

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you go through the three questions and assess that for you personally,

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it warrants a limit.

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So let's tease that apart.

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First and foremost,

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play is relative

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what I mean? By that is

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shooting you point blank in the head.

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OK, let me go back a second.

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Point blank is also relative. So

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I think what I'm trying to say is I've had kids

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literally hold the gun up to my skull and fire.

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And then I've had kids hold it a foot in front of my face and then I've had

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kids hold it 2 ft in front of my face and 3 ft in front of my face.

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I would consider all of those point blank range.

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But I also feel that when they hold it up to your skull and then pull the trigger

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that seems more intense and more menacing and more aggressive.

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So I don't know where she's falling in this point blank range. But

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I think the ones that I feel are the most

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heavy if you will

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are the ones where they actually hold it right

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up against your head and pull the trigger.

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Ok? But

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let's get back to play is relative.

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So for her,

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that might not mean anything other than

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she knows that she's gonna shoot you. So she's gonna walk up and just shoot you.

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There might not be a deeper, darker,

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heavier meaning for her.

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If I'm gonna shoot you, I'm just gonna shoot you close.

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Why would I go stand on the other side of the room to shoot you?

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I might miss if I'm this close, I know that I can hit you.

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So we don't really know why she's playing this way.

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In that case,

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we have to provide unconditional acceptance as a CCPT therapist number one.

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And we grant in fantasy, what we can't grant in reality.

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You alluded to that earlier in that portion of the email.

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So by unconditionally accepting her

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and by granting in fantasy, what we can't grant in reality

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if she wants to come in and shoot us at point point blank range.

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there's a reason for it and we already know

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why you mentioned she's doing good versus bad play.

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That's huge. Work.

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Good versus bad play is a very, very important theme.

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And the fact that she goes back and forth between who's good and who's bad,

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that's also significant.

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And the fact that we've seen a reduction in the number of times that you're dying,

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that's hugely significant.

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So

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all everything you're describing, Texie is she's doing really, really impactful,

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meaningful work and the fact that you've not set limits,

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it's clearly allowing her to process and deal with the things that she needs to.

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But getting back to your question,

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I'm wondering if this is a type of behavior that

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warrants limit setting by nature of the type of killing

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for me. Absolutely not

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for other therapists maybe.

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So our litmus test if you will is,

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is this limit necessary?

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Can I consistently enforce this limit?

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And if I don't set a limit,

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can I allow this behavior to continue and still accept the child.

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And what you mentioned in that part of the email is

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it sounds as though you've realized that you can accept her

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and you don't feel that the limit is necessary.

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So therefore, the only reason we would set a limit in that scenario would be to quote,

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impart a lesson

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and that's not CCPT adherent.

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So if you're ok with the behavior,

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you're ok with the aggression and you can accept the child

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how she kills you becomes irrelevant.

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We instead catalog

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the root issue.

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We catalog the theme, we catalog the progress, the shifts, the changes.

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Those are then what our focus shifts to

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because

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whether she strangles us, stabs us, shoots us point blank.

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It doesn't really matter. There's all kinds of ways that we can die. I mean, you know,

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there are really not pleasant ways to die. Let's be real.

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You can suffocate, you can drown, you can burn, you can

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jump off a bridge, you can get shot stabbed.

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I mean, none of these are pleasant and enjoyable.

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I think they're all pretty aggressive and

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heavy really.

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So the only way that we would need to set a limit on the way that she's killing you

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would be to somehow impart some kind of lesson or rule.

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But in this scenario, as evidenced by her progress,

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we know that the fact that you haven't been setting

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limits has afforded her the opportunity to work through stuff.

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OK.

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Number two, she says sub question to my initial question when I'm dead,

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should I be silent or should I still be reflecting, content and feelings?

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Also a question, we talk about a lot in the coaching and in the collective.

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All right. So we are always going to still respond

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if we're dead

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unless the child

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blatantly refuses to let us do. So.

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In other words, if we try to say something and they go, you can't talk, you're dead,

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then we've been given a cue that we need to be silent for longer.

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It doesn't mean we stop talking.

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General,

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I've mentioned this a lot. We cannot do our job if we don't talk.

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So whether a child kills us and we're dead or they tell us

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we're not allowed to speak because it's a power and control scenario,

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regardless of the scenario,

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we cannot do our jobs and we are not therapeutically engaging with a child

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if we are not talking.

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So then in that scenario, we whisper our response,

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we space out and give longer amounts of time in between what we say,

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but we never are completely silent,

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even if the child has said you're not allowed to talk.

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So then we would whisper

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and we would take a little longer before we would respond

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because

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we want to make sure that we are still engaging in a therapeutically valuable way.

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Even when we're playing a role or when we've been commanded not to do something

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and related aside, to that

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if they move on. So if they kill you

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and then they get up and start playing with legos,

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if they have moved on in their play,

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so they're no longer playing out whatever had happened to kill you.

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So if it was good versus bad Texie

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in your scenario,

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if all of a sudden we've moved on from good versus

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bad play and now we're doing competence play in LEGO building,

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you assume that you are also able to move on.

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So if you had been shot dead

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and you were laying on the floor, as soon as she moves to legos,

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you are no longer dead and you assume that you

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can rengage as if that was not a factor anymore.

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Now, every once in a while the child will go. No, you're still dead

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and then you go, oh gosh, I'm still dead. Ok?

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And then you lay back down.

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But unless they correct you and tell you that you

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still have to play that role or in that capacity,

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you wanna make sure that you transition with them

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because I've watched lots of play sessions where the therapist is still laying

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on the floor or still has their eyes closed or is still kind of

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in that earlier play.

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And the child had been doing something else for 10, 15, 20 minutes.

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It's really,

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really hard to engage and toes follow your nose

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and use the reflective responses and use the pillars.

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If you are still stuck in a scenario that we've long moved past.

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All right. And then third question.

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I have a handful of kids that I started with CCPT

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and a handful of kids that I started with regular run of the mill.

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Uno playing, calm down jars CBT worksheets type of therapy.

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Ah,

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with my own.

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Oh, ok. That's enough with my own little mini experiment.

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My CCPT kids are making progress.

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Thank God

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and my hodgepodge kids are not.

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And then she puts in parentheses, I'm sure you're shocked. Actually. Texie,

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I'm not. But I'm glad that you realized the difference.

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Is there a way to transition my hodgepodge kids into CCPT?

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And if so what's the best strategy to do that?

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I am so happy that you're asking this question.

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I actually get asked this question a lot too.

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So I'm so glad that we're talking about this.

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Thank you for wanting to transition all of your kids into CCPT.

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Once it finds you and once you're in the lane,

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you're all in

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always and forever.

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So I'm really, really happy that you want to and I really like the hodgepodge.

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I love the whole that whole scenario, my hodgepodge kids.

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I might steal it from you Texie.

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All right. So here's, here are my thoughts on that. Number one.

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You have to have a conversation with parents first.

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So you have to sit down and you have to provide rationale and why

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you're going to switch and what that's going to

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mean and what that's going to look like.

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Parents have to be on board. Parents have to be supportive

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and you have to sell them. I'm air quoting

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you have to sell them on the idea

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of going in a different direction therapeutically.

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So that's about articulation, that's about communication.

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You need to give them the why and in your case,

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you can actually use

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your real life kids as a story you can say.

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So some of my kids, I found out about CCPT.

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I've really been diving into the theory and

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I started working with your child before that happened.

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But in the, in the children that I've recently started working with

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and the ones that I've been CCPT from the beginning,

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I'm seeing huge growth, I'm seeing huge progress.

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There are big changes taking place.

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And that leads me to believe that that is the approach

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that I need to do with all of my kids.

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So I would like to transition your kid out

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of the more directive therapy that we've been doing

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into CCPT. Here's what that looks like.

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Here's the explanation that you need to be aware of, et cetera, et cetera.

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So then it would essentially be like an initial PC all over again

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where you are giving them an explanation of what it is

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and et cetera, et cetera.

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If parents are brought in and supportive.

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Then you sit down with the child as soon as they come in for your next session.

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And you say,

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I know in the past

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that

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I've had some things planned when you come in

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or I know in the past we've done worksheets or I know in the past we've done.

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What did you say? Calm down jars. I don't even know what that means.

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So

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I know in the past we've done fill in the blank.

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But

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moving forward,

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you're gonna get to be in charge when you come here

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and you just get to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want to,

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I'm not gonna be in charge anymore.

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It's just as simple as that.

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It's that simple of a conversation.

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Now, is there going to be some push back sometimes?

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Is there going to be an adjustment? Of course, is

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it going to require a little bit of a new initiation and warm up stage and phase?

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Yes,

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because they went through the process of building relationship

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and rapport and trust with you under one context

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shifting it where they're in charge that changes things.

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So is there going to be a little bit of a reboot that needs to take place? Yes.

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Are there going to be some fluff weeks where they're just kind of trying to figure

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out what in the world this whole I get to be in charge thing is all about

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Yes.

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So do we stall progress and momentum? Just a smidge in the interim,

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probably.

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But

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so many of my CCPTs in the coaching program and the Collective,

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even podcast listeners have reached out

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many of you all and gosh, this makes me so happy to say, literally,

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my heart sings to say this out loud.

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Many of you

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have said I'm all in and I, I'm going to right midstream, convert my kids.

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I'm not gonna wait until I finish and start with new ones,

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even the ones that I've been directed with, I'm going to completely change.

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I'm going to be all in. I'm CCPT adherent

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forever. Now. Therefore, my kids have to transition, what do I need to do?

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And it has been extremely successful once you get over the little, you know,

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adjustment period, right?

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So change is a little bit hard,

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but parents need to be on board first. You help children understand what to expect

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and then you stay adherent. If you tell them, you get to be in charge in here,

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you don't go back on that and you don't suggest something and

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you don't have an agenda and there's no curriculum and there's no,

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hey, let's do this coping skills, whatever

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you stay adherent to CCPT.

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Because if you say you're gonna be in charge from here on out,

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that needs to mean something

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and the child needs to come to expect that that is true.

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So, Texie, that would be what I would suggest to do that. I promise you.

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I've watched it happen over and over and over again with so many therapists

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and it has worked.

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So I really do encourage you to do it and I think you'll be so pleased

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with the results.

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I've had, gosh, dozens of therapists say

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as soon as I switch to CCPT

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and as soon as we got over the hurdle of it being new and different and strange

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kids just took off and it's very clearly what they needed all along.

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And that's why we do this.

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That's why CCPT is effective because this is what kids need.

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So, Texie, thank you so much for the questions.

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If you would like to reach out to me,

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I'd love to hear from you brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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You can also leave a voicemail question at 813-812-5525. If you're in the States

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and I look forward to talking with you all again soon. Love you. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks for more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.

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