The Santa Clause 2 with Grace Freud

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Speaker 1: On the Dog Cast, the questions asked if movies have women in um, are all their discussions just boyfriends and husbands or do they have individualism? The patriarchy? Zef in best start changing it with the Bell Cast. Caitlin, Yes, Jamie, do you know how we have a podcast? Yeah? And if we don't release an episode every single week, will die. Yes, well there's another rule. There's another rule. What what is the new rule? We have to have sex with each other by midnight or the podcast will explood. I mean fine, Look, I've got a magnifying glass. Do you want to You can read it? Okay? Oh wow, yeah, I see it. The fine print is right there. Will you marry me? Yes? Or no? Yes? No pressure? But Christmas will die and children will hate each other if you don't do it. Okay, fine, So why don't you do it? Why don't you say yes? Imagine that like when Jesus went back up to heaven. You know, he had a lot of free time on his hands. So I'm listening. God was like, all right, well, Christmas is your deal, you know, like whatever you want to do with it, feel free, Like all of this mythology and ship and all these different holidays and ship and so that like in my mind, the Santa Claus tri the g is a biblical epic that its origin it was carved out by Jesus Christ himself so that he would have something to do up in heaven. Yeah, who decides what the Santa Claus is much less the Santa Claus the other ones. These clauses were written by him. These clauses were capital by the lamb, by Jesus Christ himself. Does that also apply to the escape clause? Certainly yes, And because like Jesus, it's not really this is it's why Christmas is so secular. It's because Jesus whole life is being Jesus. So when he was when he approaches Christmas, he's like, I want to have some fun with it. So that's why you have the escape clause and the MRS clause, etcetera, ETCeteras. It's all right, we're starting to depressing, so it's the last one. This is Look, we're going out on top, which is I mean, what's the point of continuing after we're we run out of Santa Claus movies. I honestly, I was getting sad as I was preparing for this episode because I was like, damn, what are we going to do next December? We're out? I haven't. I do have an idea. I want to do all the Rank and Bath specials at once, Ranking Bass like claimation specials, an episode that's about all of them. Wow, like heat mis or snow Mies or Santa Claus is coming to town. There's a gnarly Ranking Bass special about the Easter Bunny that involves like, yeah, like royal intrigue and like the royal family is trying to kill the Easter Bunny. Is pretty wild. My favorite one is Jack Frost, which is Ranking Bass like truly strong rebuttal of the of communism, must put our put down. We need to make a claimation special about why the Soviet Union is a threat. I mean, okay, maybe we can't cover them all in one, because there's that's that's adicious. And there's also the not very much seen Little Drummer Boy too, which is about market economies and barter. Really, yes, Chris, how do you know this are? You may be the only person who's ever watched these. It was I was alone a lot as a kid. That's if you have any question about me, usually the answer is I was alone a lot when I was a kid. Sorry, Grace and I were actually just catching up. We were supposed to get dinner before she left town and we were we both got busy, so we're just kind of catching up right now. So the Santa Claus too, Okay, so I let's go. Let's let's take it back a little bit and say that I nailed the introduction and I think that I brought Je killed the introduction, thank you so much. And I don't think I've been introduced yet even Okay, So let's do that and then we introduced the show, and then we'll do other stuff. Okay, So we're doing an episode on Santa Claus to. Our guest is comedian writer. You remember her from our episodes on The Santa Claus and The Santa Claus three, and now it's time for the Santa Claus to It's Grace Freud. Hello, and welcome back, Welcome back. It's great to be here. Now, can we just recap really quickly why we went one three too? I know the answer, but I just want to make sure our listeners in case we have listeners that have come in the past year. Grace has I would say if you haven't listened to the first two Santa Claus episodes, maybe stop this episode stopping back because we've we we covered it in a very particular order based on how much they interested us, and so we went one three too, and this is the last one available for now. I really hope that we get to see. Two hours ago, I literally texted up yeah, both my managers and also the most famous person who was a friend of mine, and was like, let's make a new the Santa Claus. What do you say? I really want to make a few of the Santa Claus. It seems like a safe bet, and I think we're going to make it happen. Let's see if Eric Lloyd is available, you know, is he that It seems like maybe he's retired, but would he come back to play uh thirty seven year old Charlie. Let's see, Let's just see. Let's hope. So yeah, Okay, So the show that we're doing is called The Bechtel Cast and its movie podcast where we where we analyze movies through an intersectional feminist lens. We've been doing what we've been doing it. I don't I think we should just skip what the Bechtels Test is we're short on time here today. This doesn't pass it right. Let's they don't even need to know what it is. Watched through it twice and it does. So we're just going to kind of gloss over what the show is. Because here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna go back and listen to the other episodes and then you'll learn you'll find out it's you need to Mrs clauses to talk to each other about the only female elf who works at the North Pole for two lines of dialogue and they both have to be named Mrs Claws and that doesn't happen in this movie. And it's there. There is so many it's so like this one is like, wow, Scott is like there are so many daddy plotlines in this movie, and Scott's the daddy every single time, so many people's daddies. He really is, He's really gosh like he's even like Neil's daddy. When do you think about it. Yeah, this movie has such like interesting sequel energy where it's like, oh, all these like pretty well developed characters from the first movie, now it's eight years later and they're parodies of themselves and some of them are not the same person anymore. This movie has inside of it the perfect Christmas movie, but it really like, in a weird way, the Santa Claus sequels kind of try to like emssy you themselves, Like they like pull in all of these other like mythological figures. They're like, here's a bunch of cannon that we're going to spew at you, the whole council of legendary figures. Yeah, exactly. They lean into the small magical parts of the first movie, which which really were kind of just sprinkled on and made the film beautiful and magical, but then they leaned into it so hard that all of a sudden, the North Pole has the fucking like blackwater. Yeah, you know, like their own military. They militarized the North Pole, and Santa Claus the news that he like self identifies as a despot multiple times. It was I was like, oh, this is the fascist Santa Clause. The Santa Clause, to you is maybe the most important work of art for understanding what nine eleven did to America. I honestly don't think you're very far off there at all, because you're just like, why did you what happened between and two thousand and two, because this came out okay, so so for the audience, this came out Christmas season two thousand and two. So I don't know. I mean, let's see when it was shot. Um, I'm not quite sure. Oh it was this. It was supposed to be. Okay, this is interesting. I don't have an inside look. I have two sentences on Wikipedia, but I'm going to run with this. It was supposed to come out on November one, two thousand one, was postponed until two thousand and two. Wonder what changed, if anything, in the movie between you know, when it was made pre nine eleven, in two one and two, when there's a despot that needs to be overthrown and there's a heavily militarized you know, Nutcracker army, and there's at the end of the day, all I care about is is David Krumholtz there? And am I still in love with him? And it's yes, and yes he's still there, but not quite enough. No, he's a prisoner, he's a pow in this one. They make David Krumholtz a p o W in the Santa Claus too. I would say, you know what, I'm gonna lay it on wine and say probably fifty percent of the movie change, I mean a big change. I noticed was speaking of David Krumholtz. His wig is no longer white guy with dreads. It's now just tight curls, yes, yes, tressing, and I think that's a big improvement. He still looks good. Someone talked like someone talked to the Alps had to get a sensitivity training. There's a there. I was talking to something. Did did you see that? Ashley Ray tweet about about how Bernard the Elf was like a formative sexual experience experience for like a large swath of yes. Yeah, Well, I really do think Bernard the Elf transcends gender, Like I don't think that that is a non binary character on screen, And I think just that in and of itself makes you ask questions of like, well, if it's not a binary, then what does it mean to like someone who isn't going to fit into that? And that's where Bernard comes in. I like that. Um okay, so real quick, Grace, what's your relationship with this particular movie and the franchise as a whole. I believe that this movie is the last movie I saw with my dad before he died. I said this before, but I think it was it was this one. This is yes, Uh, my dad died in two thousand three. Wait a second, wait when did this movie come out? So that does Christmas season two thous Oh you know, I don't know. No, No, it wasn't it was. I saw this with his brother, my uncle Mark, and I think he was there. In my mind, he's there, But that doesn't quite add up timeline wise. Okay, I'm so sorry if I just messed with the mythology as fans absolutely perably added it up in my head before. I mean, my dad died so like really, not that you couldn't do something worse to me, but but at some point being this movie came out at a very tumultuous time of my life, and I do remember seeing it and thinking, oh, you know, maybe my dad just needs a wife. I guess we'll never know if, like my dad would still be alive today if he had simply gotten a wife by Christmas Day. It makes you think. It makes you think. So you have a very interesting relationship with this movie, is what you're saying. I mean, And yeah, and hopefully everyone has listened through the first five hours of information we have on this franchise on this podcast, Jamie, what about you? What's your relationship? Oh? I remember seeing this movie in theaters. I remember being like, wow, Charlie's bad now huh oh, Charlie's bad. Oh. He's putting a big old red circle with a line through it over Christmas tree. That robbed me. I was so shocked. I remember being him a theater and being like, Charlie, what, no, what are you doing? He's the cutiest cutie pot and he's so I mean, it's like this movie did come about eight years later. So, but for a kid that was watching the Santa Claus every year, very jarring to see Charlie b preteen bad boy about to give a girl a kiss because she's like sometimes it feels good to be bad, and you're like, whoa, okay, So that is um. I mainly remember this. I mean also, I just remember there were so many movies in this specific era, like all the time, but in this era there were a lot of Disney movie these with this premise where it's like kind of like the Beautiful Perfect intro I did, where it's like, if Santa doesn't get married at midnight, we're going to cut his head off, and you're all fucked like this say this similar premise was in The Princess Diaries too, that came out I think a couple of years after this, where it's like, she's not going to be royal anymore unless she gets married tomorrow, so what's she gonna do? Huh? And then that's the whole movie. Um, And this is kind of a more militarized version of that story at the North Pole. I don't know why these movies came out within two years of each other. I don't know why these steaks are so it's so weird because it's like these these are steaks that are associated with like times where women were considered property and not like middle school principles, but this movie overlooks that and they're like, well why not both? Why why not both? Yeah? Fuck, it's fucking weird, Like it's truly fucked up. I think it would be significantly less fucked up if the ending was slightly different. But the way that he presents, the way that he convinces, well, what we can get to that later, we can that proposal is oh my god, we wratch it. And it takes something that like, yeah, we can analyze it by like you need a woman, as if you need like like a house or something, and like as if like a piece of property. But before that, I think that like it's it does come off as in general like kind of sweet, Oh, this is a cool little rom com, and then that happens, and it's like, Jesus Christ, Santa, what did you do? It's very scary, Like at the very end, there has to be some way to navigate around this clock like get a lawyer, Santa. There has to be a way around this. You don't need to put the literal weight of the world like and I like how they I don't like, but like they try to frame it as a joke. They're like, ha ha, no pressure, but all the joy in the world will disappear unless you marry me, all right now, And she's like, well can I? And then the way the girl bought this character is honestly ahead of its time. What's your relationship to it? Sorry? Yes, yes, I had never seen this one. I grew up with the first Santa Claus movie and I watched it a ton as a kid, but by the time this one came out, I had aged out of this type of movie. So I didn't see the second or third Santa Claus movie until prepping for last year's episode that we did on Santa Claus three. You never saw the marriage at gunpoint Santa No, I did, so. My My history with this installment in the franchise is quite brief. But let's talk about it. Um, let's talk about it. This is the hereditary of Santa Claus movies. I will say, I do like as horrifying as it is, I do feel like I got a little bit of nostalgia that I that I'm dubious about. But I was like, Wow, there's a lot of body horror in this film franchise. I feel like, you don't. You don't get that kind of body horror in children's media today, although maybe I'm just not watching enough and they are doing very scary things. Well, Paddington certainly doesn't have any body horror. I'll tell you that right now. Um, let's take a quick break and then we will come back for the recap and back. Okay, I'm going to try to get through this as quickly as possible. Good, here we go. Okay, So Santa Claus two opens with a plane flying over the North Pole and almost detecting Santa's workshop with their like radar or whatever. So Santa Claus ak Tim Allen, all of this infinite magic cannot block an oil planes ar like beautiful magic cannot do the same as soundproofing, you know, like I guess they should have put some foam, just put a jacket over the North Pole and that probably when yeah, does not add up. But Santa Claus and Bernard and several other of the ELF employees have to go to ELF Con one. And during this we meet Curtis. Okay, that's Spencer Breslin, ELF Cohn one. Like pump the brakes, there's an alf Cahn one. Because it's it's the winter of two thousand and two and everyone is in a very negative place on these issues, and let us let us recognize for a moment that alf Khan one is normal. That is what they are at in times of peace. Because at the end of this sequence, Santa goes, let's go back to alf Kahn one. They are always on a light. They are always prepared and in fear of the specter of a terrorist attack on the North Pole. And not only that, but Santa multiple times references military strategy, which suggests to me that Tim Allen Santa Claus is a well right military general. Now I'm okay, So now I I I recall that in the Santa Claus one there is a hint at militarized Elves. I believe that there's an ELF. It's like a CIA or FBI kind of thing. So there's like not no precedent for this. Well, it's as special forces. I think it comes off more as like as like a swat team almost, you know, yes, yes, yes, but it's fun. The difference there is it's goofy, you know, it plays more like power rangers and less like the US military. And the scale feels much smaller than ELF Khan one. Yeah, it's like it's like five elves. It's a small operation. Not not saying it's the best thing in the world, but ELF Cohn one is definitely an escalation from militarized elves. But at the same time, this is all an aesthetic thing because Sudden Santa is in military garm with with a special military hat with metals and shouting out orders and they go all the they eventually go up all the way to ELFCN for but nothing. They don't do anything. They do nothing but tell people to be quiet. They don't launch missiles or anything. It's a waste of taxpayers money. It really waste of taxpayers money. It's a waste of health tax fair money. What's also wild about this is that this has nothing to do with the rest of the plot of the movie. Yeah, it's like Santa needs to get married. That's shitty, but that's enough to do the movie. You don't need to add a war. Like if anything, it's softens the b plot of the film, which is this toy Santa that militarizes the North Pole. It's like, you see that happen, and you're like, what do you mean? Like that already happened, Like we already saw the real Santa bring it all the way up to of con four. In this scenario, the real Santa is Barack Obama and the toy Santa is um George W. Bush. Like Barack Obama still did a lot of drone strikes, you know, but when he came into office, people were like, all right, it's chill. The wars are going to be good now, you know. Right, And then we go to and then that carries through to the Santa Claus three, which you can pause this episode right now and go back, and Frost is Donald Trump exactly exactly. Wow. I'm also realizing that Spencer Breslyn was also in The Princess Diaries to meaning that he's really um kind of a popular choice for this exact premise. If this premise is happening on the big screen and there's a forced there's an arranged forced marriage happening on screen, you gotta get this kid around to get Spencer, And yeah, really, there wasn't an era, there was a Spencer Breslyn era. So Spencer bres plays Curtis, who is an elf, and then we see Santa playing a game of football with the elves. Basically everyone is having fun, except there's one little thing where Curtis and Bernard have something that they need to tell Santa very soon. We'll put a pin in that. Meanwhile, Santa's son Charlie, who is now a teenager dar kind of a rebel. Don't you not love the I've hope it was written for the movie. Whatever the funk that song is When he's doing his little graffiti where it's like I've been a knot, I don't deserve a toy like it was like fat Boy Christmas. It was so funny. It's like they just they gave someone's uncle five d bucks. You're like, go off, King, he's been a naughty boy. It's just you and your guitar man. Just fuck and do what you need to do. Dude. I love bad boy Charlie. He's such a good graffiti artist. He's so talented. Get this kid in art class. Direct this energy. He's spray painting on a wall at school to impress a girl and also like call out the principle for hating Christmas, pro Christmas and everything that happen. Jarley's continually eats in trouble for spray painting pro Christmas messages for half of school. It's very funny, and he gets caught by the school principal, Principal Newman. So then back at the North Pole, Santa finds out that not only is his son Charlie on the naughty list for getting in trouble at school, but also there's another Santa clause with an E. There's an another legally binding clause that says miss Clause. Little Spencer Breslin really has to do a lot of heavy lifting exposition wise in this scene, because the line they give him is so funny. He's like, I know there's a Santa Claus, but guess what, there's another Santa Claus. And I'm sorry, and I should have let you read it, but I didn't have a big enough magnifying glass. Here I have five magnifying glasses and now you can read it. And that's the movie. And like he has to say all of this in like one breath, but he doesn't. And then after he's after Santa's looked at the closet, found out he needs to marry a woman. It's also specifies a woman, very very clearly. It does not say just Mary. It says you need to pick a woman and then Mary are And that's on Jesus Christ for writing that down, on Jesus Christ for writing I would also know nowhere in that clause isn't specified they have to love each other correct, which is which me is almost not very Christmas Eve, Like you know, like you would think that like true love. You know, it would be like an important power, like a little engine of Christmas cheers. Wow, that didn't even occur to me. But but that's not what it's about. What it's about is is the marriage. And then after that, Spencer again is given the acting challenge of his life and he goes big, maybe too big, I don't know if it quite works, and goes kudos to him, and he goes like the decanification process has be gone. Yes, And it almost takes me out of the movie to tell you he goes that pig, but he really does illustrate the steaks certainly so to provide the context here, Santa has to find a woman and get married to her, and if he doesn't do that by Christmas Eve, which is only twenty days away, he will ceased to be Santa, and as Curtis points out, the decantification process has begun, where he has started to look less and less like Santa and more and more like his former self, Scott Kelvin. Immediately after this, there's a meeting of the Council of Legendary Figures. We've got Mother Earth, We've got Father Time, the Easter Bunny, Cupid, Sandman, Tooth Fairy, No Jack Frost. Jack Frost only pops up in the next movie. It's like, if I feel like I do feel like that the Council is better utilized in the third movie and this one, they're kind of like, I'm thrilled to see them. I love a good Aisia Tyler performance, but it's like they're not doing much except with the exception of the tooth Fairy. Whoever forgot became intimately involved this This scene seems to only happen because we need to establish that the tooth Fairy is a person because that's going to pay off later. So we didn't You didn't actually need that. You could have just like it wouldn't have blown my mind if the tooth theory is showed up and I'm like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. There's like three movies fighting to be the movie. One of the movies is a rom com. One of the movies is a grand mythological Christmas movie, and then another one of the movies is essentially the Christmas version of Thin Redline. And if it had just been the rom com, it could have been one of the best Christmas rom coms. Ever. It still would have been super dated, but it would have like made sense. Yeah, it could have been really fun and cool, you know, like the concept of like they're needing to be a Mrs Claus, like I think they could have played it in a way that didn't quite come off as property. You know, if if they had given themselves that, if they had taken away from the fascism plot line and maybe characterized and fleshed out the rom com plot line, maybe it would have been a little different and change the wording of Jesus Christ's clause to make it less menacing. Yes, exactly exactly if Jesus had if the diagetic Jesus of this universe had been a little more thoughtful he wrote these pauses, it would have been a better movie. Well, I mean, I don't know what we're talking about, because it took five whole men to write this movie, So I don't know. There's I just think it's I mean, I know that that's how these movies work, but it just it is always funny to me to see how many writers are credited on movies like this, and they're just like really hard to understand, Like who I'm like, Okay, So which of these writers, Don Sinko, ken Ed and John really wanted the fascism plot to happen, Which of them wanted the rom comp, which of them wanted bad boy Charlie like I I want plot points attributed so I know who to avoid in the future. Gosh okay. So so now Scott ak Santa has to go back down to Chicago or wherever his family lives to deal with his son Charlie and to find a wife his wife, but he also has, you know, santa responsibilities at the North Pole. So this is when Curtis gets the idea to use this machine that they have which will make a toy version of Santa who will run the North Pole while real Santa goes and does the stuff he has to do. Right, So Santa takes comment and they had to Chicago, where Scott link's up with his ex wife Laura and her husband Neil, and they immediately fall go said links up, and then after that go and meet with Principal Newman to talk about Charlie getting into trouble. And Principal Newman and Scott have met before and they hate each other because she is a public school educator, which means that she's evil. Yeah, this hates public schools. Yeah, like with it with a fiery hatred that only five rich guys could have committed to the page. But the I thought it was interesting that it seems like all of the qualities that we're annoying to Scott about Laura in the first movie, she no longer has. In this movie, she her character has basically been like like sapped from her body, and those qualities now exists. In the principle, all she does is say, you're a good dad, Scott. You're a good dad and a better better father, and a good man and a good Santa. She can't stop saying what a good father he is, even though he is largely absent. Like it just like I just thought was very bizarre, how like her Like it's Neil's character was turned up to an eleven and her character was just like disattled it. Yeah there's nothing, Yeah, there's nothing there. She's only there to say you did nothing wrong, you are okay. And it's like, did you even see the first movie, Laura. It's very hard to like talk about, like really, what was Scott's emotional arc in this It's like constantly the movie is telling you there's nothing wrong with him and he did nothing wrong, but he he still has to do this ship. But he also he also see it seems like at different points they're implying like well, part of the reason Charlie's getting in trouble is because Scott is so absent, which I could conceive it, but then that kind of goes away and they're like, no, no, no, Charlie's just acting out because he's in love with Christmas and he hates that he can't tell everyone that his dad is Santa. You're like, well, a less interesting problem to explore. Really, Charlie's arc is is accepting that it's wrong of him to miss his father, right, Yeah, that's incorrect. That ending exchange was chilling to me. Between Charlie and his sister Lucy. Um where he what does he say? He says, knowing isn't a burden, It's a gift. You're like, it's it's kind of a burden for you, Charlie, Like, we got it, God, And the Lucy stuff is a whole another movie, honest to God, like that, that's that's compete. Lucy is Charlie's little little sister. She's a big Santa fn she loves Santa. Yeah. There are several new female characters introduced in this movie, and there's there's lots to talk about with all of them. Yes, and the thing it is like for a movie that is ostensibly about that's ostensibly that wants to sell it to you as a romantic comedy about Santa finding his Mrs Clause. The last ten minutes of the movie don't even have Mrs Clause in it, Like it's just a whole another deal, like wrapping up this other threat. And then she appears in the credit. Ya okay. So back at Laura and Neil's house, this is when we meet their young daughter, Lucy, who Santa Slash Scott has a very close relationship with, and again Santa, who is now looking more and more like Scott Calvin. He has started to try to meet women. For example, he goes on a date with Molly Shannon, who is obsessed with Christmas, but in like a freaky way. So it doesn't work out. Well. I mean, I'm not going to complain about that scene being there, because Molly Shannon is amazing, but huh. And then at the I liked her. At the end, she's like, oh, you don't support my music career, Well, you don't support women, And I was like, yeah, yeah, you're support women if you don't support me being annoying at a restaurant. That's exactly what I think is true exactly. It was almost like that joke, like a joke like making fun of me too, but like from like ultimately I agree with her. If you don't support me yelling at a restaurant, you hate women, period, Like believe women? Are you saying I'm supposed to believe that woman that thinks so singing voice is good? I don't think so. I didn't really know where that scene was going, but always happy to see Molly Shannon. She kills it. She certainly kills I would say that honestly, that scene doesn't go far enough, Like I wish they had really let her unleash herself, you know, but she's never full on belting, you know, which is disappointing to me. Maybe in Santa Claus four, we'll bring her back in my hard Rebootum, she'll be playing an entirely different character. Good good, good Okay. So meanwhile, up at the North Pole, Toy Santa is taking the rules too seriously and is becoming a bit of a tyrant. Basically, he wants all the kids to be on the naughty list. Then Charlie gets in trouble at school again, and we're more pro Christmas Graffiti for doing quite honestly, even better graffiti than he did the first. Yeah, by the way, it looks professional. Shout out to whatever production designer was doing that. It looks great, right, Really, I honestly, watching this, I was like, am I forgetting that At some point the principle or someone who's like, listen, Charlie, stop messing around. You're good, You're really good, but you gotta he got to stop at this graffiti and start picking up a paintbrush, you know. Also, I think the graffiti says trim a Trey go to jail as what it says. That's what the principle is saying, which is not even clever. I think it's I think it's very powerful and it's so odd to me that's such a a Christmas movie that does not mention Jesus once, that doesn't have a single cross also has a character, in this case hand to cause himself, Scott Galvit confront the principal and be like, wired there any Christmas trees in this school? There any lights and tinsel? And she's she's very gonna be like, hey, it's a public school. And he's like, well, gosh, God, God, darted, here's some money for a read. But she says it's a public school, therefore we don't have the funding for Christmas decorations. Not it's a public school because separation of church and state, like she cites the wrong reason and not for nothing, but like, I mean, my experience in public school was that there was a lot of holiday stuff. Like I did not find that to be washed out, I mean, and to the point where maybe it was warranted to be like, hey, why is there so much Christmas stuff and in the in this public school, separation of church and state school. But I never found that there was any lack of like celebrating literally any holidays, including the fund up ones that indoctrinate you into all sorts of mess up ships. So I don't even know like what it's supposed to be commenting on, because I don't really know of public school kids that didn't that weren't exposed to a ton of Christmas stuff at school. Yeah, I mean, yeah, we sang Christmas songs. Inqu Yeah, Santa came to school. Well, sorry, I didn't go to some fancy massive she's its private school with a school Santa. But that sounds pretty I'm telling you. I went to public school Grace but the Golden, Gilded State of the Union. God. I grew up in one of the Iconically it was voted two thousand five worst one places to live in the United States. Okay, so Charlie gets in trouble at school. Principal Newman, whose first name is Carol by the way, Christmas Carol. She makes Charlie and Scott do community service where Carol and Scott warm up to each other a bit, and then later that night or some night shortly after that, Scott shows up at her house and asks if she would like to get a bite to eat with him, but she was headed to the faculty Christmas party, so she invites him along, and she is so thirsty and she's like, yeah, yeah, weird, dad, I hated do this morning forty short. I think it's important to note that the Santa Claus Too is actually an adaptation of the novel The Price of Salt by Patricia Hismith, which many will know for its other film adaptation, Carol Um. So Let's takes a lot of liberties. Basically, all of polls from the Price of Salt is that this woman named Carol, and it happens that time, but it is it is cool at least that there's a Disney movie that was based on a novel written by a Dike icon. It's true. And we've we've covered Carol on this very show. Yes, we have some shout out to the movie Carol. Yeah, but he shows up. He's like, there's so many points in this film where it's like you really couldn't beat that, you know, like jokes where you're like you really couldn't beat him being like, oh, I just want to ask do you want to go get noodles and pie? Like you couldn't beat that? Come on? So he so he shows up invite She invites him to her Christmas party. He uses some of his Santa magic to take her there in a horse drawn sleigh and they chat along the way. They get to know each other a little bit better. Then they go to Christmas based trauma. She's like, oh, yeah, it's when my parents told me grow up because Christmas reasons. And she's like, and that's why I didn't someone at school. Yeah, yeah, who was saying Santa isn't real? Yeah, Like there's so many not so many, but like two or three moments in this movie, where it's implied that like it is a deep psychic wound that has led Carol to become a public school teacher, Like I don't know why this movie hates public school teachers so much, because it's also implied that her like weird Christmas traumas, like and that's why I'm the meanest teacher in the whole world. And you're like, well, I desire. I had a Christmas committed psychic wound um that led me to becoming a comedy writer, which was that I found out Santa wasn't real because I was reading the Sunday Funnies and there was like one of those It wasn't the Far Side. It was like a far Side rip off, you know, like single panel comic, like like F is for fake or something, and there was a comic about how Santa wasn't real, and for whatever reason, like I got the like I read the Funnies every day, I got the joke, and the way this joke was positioned for whatever reason, really convinced me. I was like, Wow, that must mean I mean, this joke wouldn't make sense if he was real. I don't know, like I was just like Wow, Santa for real definitely doesn't exist. And because of that, I became a comedian because I want to prove that you can do good comedy without telling kids that Santa isn't real. So any kids are listening to this right now, Santa Israel. Actually we've just been goofing, but Santa Israel. Yeah, I hope that if kids are still listening to this, um Santa Israel. I feel like I double and triple down on finding out Santa wasn't real each and every year by adding more Santas to Santa University, and just you know, adding a multiplier to the number, the sheer number of Santa's that are real but also very mortal, you know, true, much like these Santa's, much like Scott. Scott will die if he doesn't find a wife so soon, which is why he goes to the party with Carol and it's and the party is She's back, doll. So Scott uses some more of his Santa magic to liven it up, and he gives all the party goers a bunch of gifts classic retroad toys. Right, and he's running out of his Santa magic, which means he's gonna have trouble getting back to the North Pole. I forgot to add that part in there. But Carol is suspicious of Scott and all the magic he seems to be using, but she's also dazzled. And Carol and Scott kiss and it's a bad kiss. Sorry, it's a really bad I'm like, we can't get a second take on this kiss. They're just like sometimes you're just like wow, kids, Like it's a kiss that made me think wow, a kisses just two faces next to each other. I mean, to be fair to the filmmaker, is Scott is like I haven't done this in a while, but truly, I mean, like, come on, man, like, I mean, Tim Allen is disgusting. And also like I would say that the original Santa Claus suggests that he kind of has a game. I'm not saying that's a good thing. I'm not saying he has a respectful games. I'm not saying he's a good person, but I am saying that the original Santa Claus kind of suggests that Scott Calvin has game. Yeah, I agree, And it's it's like this, I mean, I feel like, you know, you do have the evil Tim Allen represented in this movie through fascy Santa Claus. I feel like I can see fashy Santa Claus easily texting carl Marks Communist Manifesto Wikipedia every single morning. Probably no problem. But Scott Calvin, the centrist Santa Claus, if you will, um, yeah, just a sexless weirdo in this one, really doesn't really plant one on the woman he will very soon basically forced to marry him. If you are ideologically standing on sand and your dick's going to be as wobbly as your legs. Which, Scott Calvin, when you say that like that, I can just see that in like a cursive font on a picture of Okay, so there's a there's a gross kiss. Uh. And then he tells Carol that he is Santa Claus, but she thinks that he is mocking her and she doesn't believe him, so she kicks him out of her house. Then Scott and his son Charlie have an argument because Charlie is resentful of having to keep the secret that his dad is Santa and he's also upset that his dad is seeing his principal and didn't even tell Charlie about it. Oh fuck, that means Charlie's in danger of becoming a public school principle, right with all this Christmas related trauma that he's got to come on, you don't want your kid to be a public school principle, want to be a charter school principle so they can defraud the school out of hundreds of thousands of not the dream. I would also like to say that, interestingly enough, Carol says something maybe like the only thing I've ever seen in a Disney movie that approaches being like really body fat positive whatever, at least from that time, from when I was growing up, not like the more recent ones Disney as Queen. You're really doing it? Thank you now? Like you girl. So at one point, Scott tells Carol before he says that he's Santa, He's like, I'm usually a lot more bigger than this, and she goes, that's okay, I am sometimes too. Yeah. I thought that was beautiful. But because she's seen him when he's really fat before, like that, you know, she's And I was like, I love Carol, Yes, Carrol, and I've actually the whole movie. I liked Carrol as a character. I thought she was like fun and that's that's that's what makes what's about to happen even more tragic because like in the ending bit of this, they do what they did to Scott's wife, They lobotomized Carroll and turn her into like just another little like one of his wenches, right right, And I do I do think it's like Carol, I agree with that. I feel like, I mean, I don't. I don't love how she's written at a lot of points. And I feel like they really like make her evil at work in a way that feels pretty gendered of like, oh, you know, like women have to be really mean at work or people won't take them seriously kind of thing. But I feel like there is an angle from which you can see Carol where it's like, you know, she projects this very intense image at school, but then like among among friends, she's chill, she's fun, And I feel like that is actually a real teacher archetype exists in the world. I've had teachers like that who are like friends with my parents or like friends with were like neighbors, and they're not scary in a neighbor context, but when they're like dance fast or Jamie, and so I just wanted to shout out miss Carol Thomas from Brockton High School who was yelling at me to dance faster. But she was my cousin's neighbor and she was nice. Okay, carols like that exists. So at the North Pole. Back of the North Pole, Toy Santa is now a fascist dictator who has built an army of toy soldiers and he is hell bent on giving all the children in the world lumps of coal. He says, I am a despot. He does, yes, he just says that out loud on purpose. I really think that if they if they wanted to actually do that, they should have gone all the way and they should have had him killed Bernard, I mean, don't even take I have so few things off and held it up over the alums and screamed, you want to you. I guess he really is the Headolf now, And that would have made sense too, because Bernard isn't in the third film Wow. Instead, Instead, toy Santa just arrests Bernard. Yeah, and he's a he's still a pow yeah yeah. Yeah. So then Curtis the Elf goes to Scott and tells him about the problems with Toy Santa, but Scott can't get back to the North Pole because he used up too much of his Santa magic and comment cannot fly because he ate too much candy and gained a lot of weight. So even though there's that one moment in the movie, there's still quite a bit of fat phobia in this like yeah, in like the most like I mean, and this is not the worst part of that scene because it's like a very like a fat phobic moment um. But the fart sound effect that they choose really does sound like fart dot MP three. It is the most uninspired fart sound I've ever heard in all of cinema. I'm like, you gotta make your farts custom with this. What wait, let's check in on the budget this movie had. It was sixty million dollar budget and they played fart dot MP three unconscionable m m and in two thousand and two. So they can't get back to the North Pole Son. They have to call upon the Tooth Fairy to get Scott back to the North Pole. Meanwhile, Charlie shows Carol the magic snow globe that Bernard had given him in the first movie to get her to believe that Scott is Santa. And I don't understand how that works, but it does, and now she believes it just shines. A bright light comes out of it and she's like, fuck, dude, your dad is to Holy shit. So back at the North Pole, Scott tries to confront Toy Santa, who captures Scott and Curtis, but then the Tooth Fairy shows up again with Charlie and Carol, who untied Scott, and then he and the Elves go to try to stop Toy Santa, but it's too late. Toy Santa has already left to deliver all the cold to the children of the world because I guess now it's also Christmas Eve. Question mark. Yeah, that happened pretty quickly. I wasn't clear on that either. But Real Santa chases after Dictator Toy Santa on this reindeer and training named Chet, and he successfully stops Toy Santa and then the Elves the most uninspired action sequence. It's really bad. It's oh my god. Tim Allen does a line from Toy Story that you're what is it like, you're sad strange children. The Toy Story came out seven years ago at that point, why is he doing I'm not sure? Hard to say well, they had five writers, but they were still missing the line when they turned it in, so the producers had to copy and taste something from one of those. Should have said Carl Mark's Communist Manifesto Wikipinia. That would have been. That would have really, you know, Gussie did up. He should have been like a quote from Benito Mussolini. He should have said something about how he kept the sleigh running on time or something. Oh, that is on par with the beheading Bernard's suggestion. Okay, So then, so Christmas is saved, but Scott has to tell Carol that he can't keeping Santa unless he finds a Mrs Claus. So then he proposes to Carol and she says yes, and then they get married that night, and then he delivers the toys around the world, and then movie ends with Scott and Charlie and Lucy having a nice tender moment. That's the end of the movie. Let's take a quick break and then we will come back to discuss and we're back. Okay, So what haven't we covered at this points? Quite a lot. I would say, there's so much stuff to talk about. It's the fucking the proposal. Okay, So yeah, let's talk about what happens to poor Carrol, who I do agree. I essentially like care. I feel like there is enough written about her that you're like, I like this lady. I I see why she and Scott are mostly I see like I it's not the least chemistry I've ever seen between two characters. So there, So there's that, There's that. There's the fact that the whole premise of this movie hinges on Santa needing to find a his wife. But like, we don't know why that's it's never established why that's part of it? Why is heteronormativity? What Jesus said, is Jesus, why don't they ever challenge this institution that is creating all of these clauses? And who is it? Like Mother Earth? Like who's in charge of this? And why can't they defy it? I would say, I would say maybe it is Mother Earth, because there are a few suggestions that she is essentially God, you know, throughout. Yeah. So another thing about this relationship is it's another example of like two people who will end up in a romantic relationship, but they start out hating each other. I don't know why this is such a common premise for a romantic storyline, and he's two lovers. Baby. I personally never had that happened to me. I'm personally never in my life started out hating someone and then ended up like marrying them. Oh wait, do you want to like fuck like I think wait, not too long ago quote? Oh I think it was in the It was that you've got male episodes. Yes, there's like a Nora Fron quote about how nonsensical to set up is, except that she's like, well, but it's a movie, so you have to do it. Where it's like, yeah, I've certainly never absolutely fucking hated someone upon meeting them and then later realized that it was they were my one true love. It's not something that happens. And I would say, if it is happening to you, maybe maybe take a look at what's going on, you know, could be maybe a red flag to suddenly be like, actually, I don't fucking hate you, I fucking love you, you know, yes, and then and then her flipping and deciding that she, oh, he's not so bad after all. I don't I can't really track that evolution. The most disturbing part I think of that whole arc more than like her flip and being like ude or whatever is in the proposal, Santa essentially says that he groomed her like He's like, it's so weird. He's like, I've been with you since you were a kid. I've always been there for you. I've always loved you, haven't I, Carol, It's really good. So, yeah, that is like perverted to say. And also it wasn't him. It was one of the old Santas. He's only even Santa for eight years, which is Cannon in the movie. But that makes him feel like hereditary. It makes me feel like feel like she was bred for this, you know. It makes you feel like she was designing for this. And it's weird to have all these owls to be like, come on marrying him, marry him like you can. You can almost see her saying no and then then grabbing at her and like eating her, you know. Yeah, and then she's transformed into something inhuman, which we see in the credits when she is like turned into this Mrs Claus, a totally different person than who she was just dancing around, fattened up, totally different hair. The Santa Claus her insformation in the original film to me, does come off as magical, but the Mrs Claus transformation comes off his body horror to me at least. And that's not me being fatphobic. I'm I'm just saying that, like, this woman was kind of forced into turning this in human mythological character that's not her right and and then like the the it's supposed to be okay because well she can still teach, and so in that way, uh, you know, has she really lost anything? It's like, well, yeah, what about her like family and life and also a choice in the matter. Um yeah, because the elves, I mean, the elves would have so really eat her if she said no, because their whole fucking ecosystem relies on her saying yes right now. And there I also thought it was the abbey, Abbey the elf there's still I mean, look, the North Paul is a patriarchy in this movie. There are no girl elves in high up positions. It's Bernard and it's what's his name, little Spencer Breslin flopping around Wait wait wait wait, it's a really high up position to be Santa's waitress. She's get his full time waitress. And then he's so like emotionally unintelligent that she has to start proposing to Carol. For him, it's his little child made that he flirts with time, you know, it's so creepy. And then yeah, part of that proposal is him guilty Carol into marrying him, saying like, hey, you know pressure, But if I don't get married, you know, Christmas won't happen, the children everywhere, we'll stop believing in Christmas and Instanta, that the elves will lose their job. So she like basically has no choice but to be like, I guess I have to marry you now. And it's it's like the steaks being this high is presented as a joke, and then she kind of responds like ha ha ha, well I guess what else am I supposed to do? And then she don't come home too late and then and then he turned back into Santa before her very eyes. It's very like there's an instant God. And this also means that Carol now has to sacrifice everything in her life, which does get commented on. He's like, I know, I'm asking you to leave everything behind, but this place is worth it. But she like has to leave her life, her job, like her family say goodbye. It doesn't seem like she's like it to go back get her stuff. And as we've we've spoken on before in the Santa Clause three episodes, it does feel like the school she teaches was kind of just created so she had a place to teach. I mean, these are immortal, like how does this work? You know? And also it's like she doesn't she can't teach what they need to know. She's like a mobster buys a nightclub so that his girlfriend has a place to sing. This This does get suggested at the end of this movie because he's like, and yes, um, you can be the principal at the school here that we definitely have at the North Pole for sure, we already have that wank wang. Yeah, so they're clearly lying about that. But bottom line, she has to sacrifice everything in her life before that. I mean, the romance leading up to this very bizarre, scary proposal is again him showing up at her house to ask her out, and they go on one day. They have the worst kiss in all of movies. Yeah, I was worried that he was going to wait a long time because I didn't remember how this movie hands out exactly. I wasn't sure about the like specific plot points, and I was worried that he was going to wait a long time to tell Carol that he is Santa, because that's the type of thing where in a movie like this, the character often a man would keep this secret and keep lying to his love interest. So I was surprised he's a friend about it. Though he's a friend about it, he tells her very quickly. It's like at the end of their first and only date, what he should have done is invited her back to the house. He was saying at his his excess house, brought her to the backyard, been like, here's a reindeer, look at him fly. That would have been the same moral thing, like him revealing a secret. But in a way that's like there you go. You know that makes sense, Like here's your decision. I would say, honestly, telling someone your Santa at the end of the first date, it's too soon. I mean, it's I don't want to know at the end of the first date. I would want to know, but also I want to know on a second day. For some reason, it's confusing that she doesn't believe him because she's seen what is clearly magic on display that he is doing in front of her very eyes. But then when he like contextualizes it, she's like, no, you're making fun of me because I told you about my Christmas trauma. Yeah, and that's such at least she like, I told you that I like, I liked Christmas, but then a kind of bad thing happened that maybe a lot of people would probably not still be caught up on. But why and you're making fun of me by Like if I never been hurt by that too, Like even if he was Joe game right, Like, how dare you joke that your Santa Claus? You know? She was really put on? I mean I almost got there with understand because she was. But she's like, what are You're making fun of me because of my Christmas trauma and now you're telling me you're Santa Claus? Like, I don't know that that would be an antagonistic response. It would be a weird one if he were making it up, But I don't. I don't, Yeah, but who cares. Also, in the scene where they're bond, I guess we're supposed to think that they are bonding over their love of Christmas or their former her former love of Christmas. I don't know what. Whatever they bond over is like, definitely not enough to build a marriage on, because it's like pizza crust and the model of some random car. But the clause doesn't require, as Grace pointed out, a happy marriage. It just requires a marriage. And this is just to go to my point that if this whole movie had just been about that romance could have been good. But they have, like, I don't know, ten pages of the screenplay allocated to developing this romance, so you hardly get any of that. And then the movie just like presents this very weird, rushed saying where he's like, by the way, I came here to find a wife, but I didn't expect to fall in love because that's not detailed in the clause. I don't need to do that, which is also so bleak. And then she's like, wait a minute, you love me? Oh my gosh, wow awesome. But I mean the way romantic love is depicted in almost every movie is upsetting. It's not good. Can we talk about Lucy? Yes, which I think Grace, did you say that sounds like a whole other movie. Yeah, I mean, like the first movie was all about Charlie and Santa's relationship. This movie tries to get that again. So Lucy, I don't know if we've been clear enough. Is is Neil and Neil and Laura's kid? Yeah? And I like that. I like that we see that Lucy has a good relationship with Scott. Yeah, that's cool. That is cool, Like and the road strokes, I guess it's cool. Like they keep like kind of gaslighting her about like how Scott is in Santa, Like maybe that's too severe for worried about like they keep telling being like, oh no, that reindeer and all that, but he's not Santa. But the thing is, they really try to have their cake and eat it two in a million ways in this movie, including by trying to have another Charlie Santa story engine but with Lucy, and Lucy has like twelve minutes of screen time, you know, like it just isn't it's just not there. It's it's not And Lucy doesn't she come back for three She's back and she does. She does. Yeah, And she doesn't really have much of a of a character, and she loves Christmas. Charlie had more. Charlie had like some SATs Tom, some comedy about him and Lucy is just like like when they need a kid to be like, but Chris on Christmas, we're not supposed to fight or YadA, YadA, YadA, that sort of thing. Right, there she is and there she is baby. I don't yeah, I I wish that there was a lot because that that kid is so cute, and I liked the idea of like building a relationship with her and Charlie, but that the end scene you get with them is so bleak, where Charlie just sort of is just like the knowledge that your stepfather is Santa, don't let it be a burden, let it be a gift. But if you fucking tell anyone, the whole family is screwed. Like it's just oh, there's all of these like burdens on this family. And then Laura has been like incepted by some someone. Where did she go? I I just I wonder what the like, what the thinking was behind that that like totally removed. I'm like, can you not have two adult women with opinions in one movie? Like do you have to take them and then give them? In the Santa Clause movies, it seems part of the Christmas magic is an enchantment in the North Pole, where if you're a woman who goes there, you are lobotomized, forever, servant, dossile, not good. It's a very yeah, it's a very sinister vibe. When an adult woman is taken to the North Pole, it never ends well for them. All right, what did? Is there anything else people want to touch on? Just that? I mean, yeah, I guess we We talked a little bit about Abby the elf seeming to be an important elf, but only in the sense that she brings Coco to Santa, whereas like Curtis and Bernard are the ones making important decisions. I feel like there's still kind of weird vibes between her and Santa, But at least it's not like in the first movie where they like explicitly yeah, that will never leave me that it was awful, Like so good, good on you the Santa Claus two writers for not having that happen right. Also, at the end, she has to be saved by Charlie when the Toys soldiers are attacking the elves, and that doesn't make any sense. He just play he raffles down right from where because that's my new thing? Oh bad boy? Charlie, we love him. Yeah, And then also I mean it's like this is an extension of what happens in the first movie, but every like because Neil's goofy nous is turned up to an eleven. Like in the first and in all movies of this era, any therapist character is like what a what a loser? This person is doing nothing for no one. Therapy is for weak people and we don't believe in it. And like this one goes even further. At one point, Scott is like, have you ever helped a single person? And Neil does says nothing, like yeah. It's it's like cartoonistually over the top in terms of like that I don't know, but that was again like so many Disney movies at that time, because it's I always think of the Jamie Lee Curtis Freaky Friday character too, where like the people who come to her when she's a therapist and that are like so overplayed and so like mothered and demonized. And you don't see any of Neil's patients, but you just see him being absolutely like read to ship over and over and over of like your job isn't real, like and from Santa Claus Santa Claus is saying, I don't consider your job legitimate. Like, that's that's dark, that's fucked up. Uh. Mother Earth played by Asia Tyler, the only woman of color with a speaking role in the entire movie. And while she is in a leadership role because she's maybe God, she is God, she's playing the roll of God and yet has nothing to do, nothing to do. The Tooth Fairy has way more narrative significance than she does. Although I think it was an interesting and subversive choice to make the Tooth Fairy a man in this franchise, and I wanted to just shut out. The actor who played the Tooth Fairy died this week, the week that we record. He died very recently, Art la Fleur. So he's been in a million movies. Truly a great character actor, really, really a great character actor. So if you don't know who he is, like from from us saying his name or whatever, if you see his face, you'll you'll have a million memories of him. Yeah. I like the Tooth Fairy character of but I wish that they'd use the whole league a little more because they have so many good like, yeah, they have Michael Dorne I always forget Michael Doran is Sandman, and Michael Doran's like work life balance is important, and that's sort of his whole role in this movie. I don't know. And Frank from Everybody loves Raymond, but his Scott's boss from the first film is the Oh yeah, it's their time, right. I didn't even connect that Wild Wild Everyone at the North Pole only speaks English and with an American accent, as if the first movie British helps I mean English, but there are British elves in the first movie. This time. It's just like, I think it would have been much cooler if they had summoned Mother Earth to help them travel by like cutting off the head of a sheep, like exactly, rise from the dirt and suck them up. Grace, save it for your Santa Claus four pitch um. I don't really have anything else to say. Yeah, I mean it doesn't pass the back tol test like that, and I don't think it's even close. Okay, okay, if you consider, if you consider that she's building an argument, I can see the wheels. Wait, wait, wait, there is a There is a scene where Lucy goes Mom and Laura goes yes, and Lucy says, I lost another tooth. Should I put it under my pillow? And then Scott we goes the same class too. No, not meaningfully. No, but that tooth is important. That is a narratively important tooth. No, it passes. Oh my god, I don't feel great about it either. I don't feel good about that at all. But it's perfect. It's perfect. But this is our I need this recognizing the SAA class too passes the petal task. I mean that mean that meets every criteria. It is like, you can't deny that that tooth is important. Yeah, I know, sod. The verdict is in. It passes unless there's a secret clause to the Bechtel tests that we don't know about and we are just finding out. Get Spencer, Get Spencer in here where we need just magnifying glasses. The let's write the movie on our nipple scale zero to five nipples based on an examination of the movie through an intersectional feminist lens. I'm gonna give this. I guess like one nipple a half nipple between the ludicrous romantic storyline that is creepy and based on absolutely nothing aside from Santa needing his wife to continue justifying his existence. Carol being forced and guilted into a marriage after going on one date with the guy, her having to sacrifice everything in her life as a result. I hate it. Um. The movie does introduce several new female characters, but well some some have are now just a husk of their former selves. But technically, yes, there are men, there are there are women in the movie, but um, most of the women who are present are not really contributing much to the story, or they don't have any agency, or they get coerced into a marriage with Santa Claus at the last minute. So I don't like it. I'm going to go down to a half nipple. I'll give my half nipple to comment the reindeer. Oh my gosh. No, wait, well, I mean I can't tell you what to do. I just wanted I just I forgot to say. Comment was a I've talked about this in the show many times, but this specific era of like combining animatronics with c G I used to scare the living ship out of me, and comment is a is A is a formative example of like I can't look at this, or it's gonna haunt me. Like really haunt me. Comment is a scary looking the eyes, the way the eyes, it's it's not good. I feel absolutely fucking defeated by the fact that this movie passes the Bechdel test. It kind of blows my mind. Uh, And it really is like giving me a headache to think about. And you know, like when you're at a point where you're like you can feel in your sign, You're like, I could get a noseblade at any second. So I'm going to give it five nipples because this has been a three year journey we've been on with the Santa Claus movies. We went one three too, because we're not like other girls, We're not going to do it in the order. Um, I'm going to give it five nipples because I think that this is the first one that passed the Bechdel test um and and is it my least favorite of the three by a long shot. Absolutely. I I don't like this one. I don't enjoy watching it. I won't be returning to it, unlike the Santa Claus one and three, which I will be coming back to for years to come. Sure, I can't fully I just hey, I lost a tooth. Should I put underneath my pill. Yes you should. And then so I have to give it five nipples. I have to give it five nipples, and I'm giving them all to Bernard again, very good grace. I also have to give it five nipples. Oh my god, sorry, cause it's now in the top five percent of movies we've ever come. How could I give any less than to score? How can I give any less than five nipples to the very air that I breathe? Santa Claus films are inside of me and outside of me, and they're like Santa Claus films are what what my pastor told me, Jesus was like, always with me, always there for me. And how how am I supposed to give a negative review of a building block of life itself? I just don't think that I can do that. Thought of that before she care for her. I just don't think that that. Um, I'm going to give my five nipples. I'm going to give each one of them to a different one of my close friends and have them take care of them as if they are each a key that one combined what is able to unlock something in me that is like a pure or joy that might need to be unlocked. In the future, in a dark time. So I'm going to disperse these nipples amongst my friends that will be keepers of the Santa Claus two nipples, and they'll be able to use them in in time at a time of great need in the future. And if I pass away before that time comes, I hope they use the nipples to unlock a great Christmas joy in somebody else, like say a fascist dictator, you know, like if Trump gets reelected, use those nipples to teach him the true meaning of Christmas. That is so beautiful, and I'm crying, really really beautiful. She really is listener as she really is, Jamie, I can't, I can't look. There's a waterfall going on across Jamie's face right now. I can't stop fucking crying. And this is really hard for me. Jamie. I'm sorry you're crying. Thank you, Grace, thank you for coming back, and thank co cleating the trifecta of the Santa Claus trilogy and making this the best holiday tradition I've ever participated in. Yeah, maybe the only holiday tradition I've ever participated in. Really, I love Christmas, but I have I had a hard childhood, so We've got five hours of audio on that. I actually think, where can Where can people follow you online and check out your stuff? Well? Two things what I never mentioned that I rewatched it with motion smoothing on because it's I'm watching it on my in laws television. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off, and that made it even more surreal and weird and like stumming redgen And I suggest everyone should do that to really be able to like look at the world and what it is in a new way. Um, where can you follow me? I'm at Grace g Freud on Twitter. Um, I have a newsletter to you that's like Timey letter dot com slash Grace Freud. I am part of a comedy duo called Girl God Um and we are doing a never ending tour. We're in Chicago in December, Los Angeles and January. We're back in New York in February. We've got more shows to announce soon. Also watch Rick and Morty in two years when there's a banger. Thank you, Thank you guys for having me. I've really loved this so much. Uh and I'm glad that we This is the only thing I've ever completed in my life. So thank you, Grace, we love you. That's beautiful. It's a it's a Christmas miracle. Uh. Speaking of shows, we're gonna be at San Francisco Sketch Fest. We keep forgetting to promote this show that is actually quite soon. We're gonna be back. It's on January nine, and you can come if you're in San Francisco. We're gonna be uh releasing additional tour dates soon, so you can just imagine once around San Francisco. What's directly you know, above San Francisco. And also Caitlin and I want to go to Vegas. To go to Vegas, the North Pole is directly a post. We're going to the North Pole. You know, I know that we've said adult women shouldn't go to the North Pole, but we're just going to see what happens. Well, Jamie, I've been proposed to by Santa and I have to say yes. So we're going to Wow. I'm gonna I'm gonna try my luck with Bernard see if he'll have me best of luck. I'm i fe