Stop Trying to be Perfect

Sometimes, the most insidious thing someone can tell you to make you feel better is the age-old phrase, “but you’re perfect!” While research suggests this may ease emotional pain temporarily, it might actually be holding you back from growth and, consequently, satisfaction.

In this episode of Office Hours, I explore why we avoid uncomfortable truths when feeling down, and why the better path towards fulfillment is honest self-acceptance—embracing your imperfections, and taking on the challenge to improve.

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Where to find Arthur Brooks: 

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• Email: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠officehours@arthurbrooks.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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Timestamps:

(00:00) Intro

(06:50) The psychology of self-enhancement bias

(10:39) Who suffers most from self-enhancement bias

(15:50) Why we protect others with comforting lies

(17:16) What the research shows about self-enhancement bias

(22:57) #1: You’re not perfect but you’re normal

(25:37) #2: Accept yourself

(27:05) #3: Work to improve

(30:03) #4: Don’t blame other people

(32:05) #5: Reframe imperfections as puzzles

(35:48) Q&A: People pleasing and happiness

(37:33) Q&A: Finding time for happiness in a busy life

(39:24) Q&A: Teaching happiness habits to young children

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Referenced:

• The Meaning of Your Life: Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness: themeaningofyourlife.com

• Meaning Membership: https://hub.arthurbrooks.com/the-meaning-membership 

• The Happiness Scale: https://learn.arthurbrooks.com/the-happiness-scale 

• The Pursuit of Happiness with Arthur Brooks: https://www.thefp.com/s/the-pursuit-of-happiness-with-arthur

• I'm OK--You're OK: The Pioneering and Bestselling Self-Help Guide: https://www.amazon.com/Im-OK-Youre-OK-Thomas-Harris/dp/0060724277

• Taking time seriously. A theory of socioemotional selectivity: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/10199217

• Comparative perceptions of driver ability--a confirmation and expansion: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3730094

• The Illusion of Moral Superiority: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5641986

• Age and the better‐than‐average effect: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2011-10557-008

• The dorsal anterior cingulate cortex is selective for pain: Results from large-scale reverse inference: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26582792

• ...References continued at: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.arthurbrooks.com/office-hours⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

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