Clare’s Fearless Pursuit of Happiness

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Speaker 1: Welcome back Happy Hour listeners. I'm back at kou Friend and I'm Michelle Young, and we are ready to be back with you again this week because we have a very exciting guest for the podcast today. Yes, we're so excited today because we're gonna be catching up with the one and only Claire Crawley. I've actually never interviewed her. Yeah, I've met her once, but I've never actually like sat down and really had a chance to talk with her. So I'm excited that she's going to be on today. Oh. I am so excited when I found out we were having Claire and I was like, hell, yeah, sign me up. We haven't had her on Happy Hour in years. I mean it was really when she finished her time as Bad Cherette a couple of years ago, so it's been a hot second. And obviously we follow her on social media and we have our little Badchork group check going. But she is newly engaged, so I cannot wait to pick her brain about how that all went down. About her fiance. I want to know everything about him. He seems like a wonderful old man. But before we bring her on, Michelle, welcome back to California. You've been traveling all over the place, but you're settled. I want to see for a little bit. But I don't even know if I can say that. Honestly, I don't know if I'm ever settled for a little bit. I think I'm going to be, but then I just end up taking off. I was, for those listening, was talking Tobecca earlier today just about how I have like chronic spontaneous traveling issues where I just will get up and leave. I can never like stay in one place but too long. But okay, but here's the thing. You were a teacher for so many years, and it's not like you can just pack up and go. So this is a recent thing now that you have the time, and I would assume the means you know, you don't have a classroom full of fifth graders that are hold I'm not even holding you back, but you know, getting around honestly, Like I was talking to my mom about this the other day of just like I have this huge it's to travel. It's something that I've always wanted to do, and I've been able to travel for like sports back in elementary school or elementary school, but back when I was doing like competitive basketball and things like that. But what I will tell you is I feel like I've always just missed the mark with traveling. And so like in college, you're supposed to take that overseas trip and we had a coaching change and so I didn't. I was like the one person who didn't get to go in that four years. And then I was teaching and then you know, got on to Bachelorette and my traveling experiences were a little bit different, and as a contestant and as a lead, and so like I think right now, I'm just like I'm just gonna go. I'm just gonna take off and go. And it's not always gonna be like this, but but yeah, its pros and cons of traveling quite a bit. What are three places on your bucket list for just this year? For just this year? Um, Switzerland is a huge one that I've been drawn to, partially because of TikTok and the things that I've seen. It looks beautiful. Have you been You've been to Switzerland? Right, No, I've never been, But I'm actually going. I'm doing a cruise with my mom and sister in June, so we're going to be there for a couple of days, so I will I will report back. I'm sure it's going to be stunning. That sounds absolutely beautiful. Um, and maybe I'll make it there before or after. He'll really be there when I'm there, hopefully true Bamps Canada, Oh my gosh, it looks it's absolutely breastaking. Honestly, anything with water, really blue water, that's that's where I'm drawn to. Okay, okay, Um, all right, well, I would say the moldieves you went there in my season and it was beautiful, very crystal clear blue water. Um. I'm trying to think of where else, even like parts of Italy along the coast are so stunning, So anywhere anywhere with water. My mom has a great pond in her backyard if you ever need a little escape in Minnesota. You know, Minnesota does have quite a few areas of water that I could swim in. I was like ten thousand lakes. I'm like, no, we have like seventeen eighteen thousand. I think way more. It's so funny. I think it's like eleven thousand, nine hundred and forty two. That sounds so weird, that number. But like people, when I was on the show, people always would ask do you actually have ten thousand likes? I remember looking it up and the actual number right now? Please do It's like it's a closer to seventeen thousand. Well also, this was like over a year ago, so and they do count manmade legs, I think. Okay. As of twenty twenty two, the mndn R database suggests that Minnesota has fourteen thousand, three hundred and eighty lakes. So there's your fun act of the day, everybody. Welcome. Wow, that's a lot of places to swim and fish and a lot of water up there. I say, we like we still live there, haven't been there in years. Okay, as much as we could talk about lakes, thank you for tuning in everyone. We do need to bring Claire on because we're so excited to have her on. Michelle, Like, I know you said that you've only talked with her one or two times. She is just a lovely human being. So I think with that all being said, it is time to bring Claire on. I was just smiling so big because I'm so excited to have you on here again. Claire. No, I'm so excited too. Well, to all of our listeners. Before we actually started recording. We were just telling Claire how great she looks. You are glowing first and four moosts. We have to start off show us that rock because you are reasonly engaged. It is beautiful. It is not know, it is sparkly. Oh she is pretty. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It feels good to have input and a ring that I actually I'm like proud to wear this. You know, I love I love this. He worked for that ring. Heck, yes, yeah. Are you having like neck issues on like your left side because it's just so heavy, like is it bob down or like, are you like more toned from like carrying it just ripped on the left arm. Yes, Oh my gosh, it is. It is so beautiful. We and it's been a hot minute since we've had you on, but you are always radiant, glowing. It's been a hot second since we've had you on, and you are absolutely glowing. I know so much has transpired in your life since you came off the show a few years ago till today, and so we really want to catch up with you on everything that's transpired transpired, But I want to start with this engagement. Can you just give us a little bit of background about how you met your fancy Ryan and how he proposed to you. Absolutely, but can we I would love to cover something prior to your question, Yes, because I think it's important and I really do want to start not only this podcast off, but just speaking to other people. I have been on like for a while after the end of my previous engagement and relationship, I was in a really dark place, a really low place, and struggling really really bad post show, post relationship everything, and the glow you see now is not because of my engagement. It's not because of my relationship. It's not because of anything other than the tears and the sweat and the energy I put in to healing myself and being continually on the healing journey and being so happy with being myself and being alone and being in my own skin and being able to take care of myself and support myself. So all the therapy, I did, everything I did to get me to this point. That's where the glow is from. It's not from the engagement, it's not from appslationship. You know. Yes, I love that. I think that's important to say because there's so many women and people out there that even now there's there's a lot of comments and questions of like, how did you do it? I want to be where you're at, or you know, have the relationship you have and not give up hope. And the common denominator of it all is that it comes down to the type of person I am, and that I am somebody that just does not give up, and that's the important thing to become the woman that I am. It's like, it wasn't just because a relationship. By happy, that's not because of a relationship. It's an add on to it. But I want the people out there to know because I think there's this big lull and I'm not sure if either of you guys experiences. I'm sure you did at some point, but everybody wants to root for you when you're in a relationship. Everybody wants to have hope and it's beautiful and it's love, especially coming off of this show. But when you're single, where's all the people still rooting for you? Where's all the people that are saying your goals? You're what I want to be like, you are what I aspire to be like. Don't aspire to be like me or have what I have just because I'm in a relationship, right. People should want that and be happy with themselves for just being who they are and being a soul that doesn't give up and somebody that fights through their own happiness. Oh. I literally have chills over here, Claire, because you just you like knock that one out of the park. Honestly, I connect with that so much. I think I think so often, especially just in life in general and what you see on TV, what you see in like these are romantic novels, whatever it is, especially the especially television and reality TV shows these days, it's like women are casted as the damsel in distress, right, and that we need somebody to come in and to save us and to make us happy and all these different things. And you taking time just even right off at the beginning of the podcast to say this glow is because of what I worked through. Like I've been through my darkest times. I was the one that was by my side. I crawled my way out. And of course you have people who support you and you know you put in the work, but it's like it's not somebody came in to change that for you. You really recognize that you had to be your whole self before that, and honestly, frankly, I really I feel you on that whole. Where's the where's the support when I'm single? Or where's this support at this? And it's like, unfortunately in this franchise And when I say the word franchise, I don't mean like negatively all on the franchise in this in this aspect, but you are as followers things like that. You like, I'm seen as a failure because I didn't come out with a successful relationship, right, Like I'm the one that's seen as the failure. It's like, oh, hold on a second, Hold on a second, No, Like we're not a failure because we didn't come out with the relationship that you wanted it to work or honestly, frankly, we wanted it to work too, and it did it and we crawled their way out. But like, it is so crazy how people are so easily putting like a label on your failure or like this isn't you know? This is you Claire, Like this is Claire Crawley got herself out of everything that was put given to her and put on her way and like you created the glow. I love that, so props to you. I ask give you guys, sorry to pitch outing. It was like it's huge, though I think it's not. The failure is not showing up. The failure is not shining. The failure is not subjecting yourself to millions and millions and millions of people who will judge, throw shame, throw every word everything you can think of at you for your vulnerability and your decision to put yourself out there and you try so that to me would be like I wouldn't want to say failure, but going into this show if you're a success, because there's not a lot of people who would do that, who would put their vulnerbility. And the people that are throwing judgment and saying your failure, saying you're this, it's like those are the people that are watching and not right the arena with you. Yeah, exactly. You can't throw judgment if you're not in the if you're not in the boxing ring, if you're not getting knocked down and smag levin right right hook. Sorry. And I think what people fail to remember all the time when they're watching season after season is like, you know, we chalk it up to like success stories. If the couple ends up together or gets engaged or stays together, whatever might be. But like, people need to keep in mind, there's so many other people like behind the scenes and like with you as contestants, that like you form real friendships, like there is a love there regardless if you're with a significant other or not, And especially with you, Claire, I think one of the reasons why we love you is like you have always been who you are, real to the core. And I don't want this to sound cheesy, but like you truly are fearless in your pursuit of happiness, whether that's with somebody or not, and a lot of people coming from this franchise could take note of that, Like I think you are somebody and you you embrace the struggle too, and you turn it into a positive. It's easy. After the show, we've all felt down and alone and like, where do we turn to next? What do we do? It's a scary feeling, but you always turn that into something powerful, which I think is such an incredible quality that a lot of people coming from this franchise just frankly can't do. Both of you. I would say I'm in the midst of two badass women right here. But it was not yet. There's a lot of things that in choosing to stay public, in choosing to put yourself out there repeatedly, like it's a it's a hard thing to do, and it's a vulnerability we recognize and that we know what it's like. So I mean props to you guys too, because you guys are in the same boat as me, like this, women build each other obsession. Well, okay, so clear, I actually want to piggyback off of a sudden you just said then, and this kind of does go into your relationship. But because you were in the public eye and had those public relationships play out where of course everyone has their thoughts and opinions and criticisms, did you try to take into account this relationship with Ryan now and to try to keep it a bit more private and just very you know, hold onto it a little bit tighter, closer to your heart. Absolutely, as also like as a caveat to that, I made sure not only to keep it closer to my heart, but to keep it private for a while because I needed to ensure, because of previous situations, that this man was in it for me and me alone, and it even I needed to know that even if the spotlight wasn't there, even if the cameras weren't there, or even at the social media, the followers, the notoriety, like, even if all that is not there, are you still going to want to be around? Yeah? And I wanted to make sure that there was no ulterior motives and there was no reason for some sort of public gain, whether it be for their business to become successful or just not to pig back off of what I have kind of been through to get to where I'm at. And so it was I don't want to say, like a vetting process type of thing, but it's an extra precautionary thing of I'm going to keep this private. And if I kept it private forever, would he be okay with that? That he's not going to same out of it. He's not going to get the notoriety and the you know, headlines and the names and the articles and all that kind of stuff. It was important that. I think that's so smart that you did that. And I know that you use the word like not to piggy back off of your past experiences, but I'm a firm believer that, of course you are going to navigate based on what you've been through and where I think a lot of people go wrong is the fact that like when they've been through something to the extent that you've been through, and the heartbreaker the experience is not getting back out there. That's where the failure is taking your time to do your homework. Of course from the former teacher, I'm use that word, but like you did, you did your due diligence, You did your homework. And frankly, even when if you were to figure out that Ryan was in it for the right reasons really early on, the pressure of being in the public eye, not for the necessarily like the pressure for things to work, but just like the public attention, it's going to be hard regardless of the relationship. At times, it just it does. It can get to you at times, and so I think taking time to make it private or keep it private so that you can continue to learn and build that really really solid foundation. That way, when you have nast people on the other end of the line, it just it phases us because you have that foundation built it before you kind of like have the open house and let everybody in kind of And there were so many things that happened that I was they were all yeses. And it was even down to him staying private on social media to protect his children, to protect our relationship and not. I mean to this day, there are still the second women found out that who he is and that we're in a relationship together. The amount of women that have slid back in his dams from previous relationships or from that don't even know who he is that are sliding in now, it's like I have a man that is like laugh, looks at it and laughs. It was like, big, check this out. I didn't have that in my previous relationship. It was probably the opposite to do, honest, And it's like it's so nice of like, oh yeah, he's doing that, and it's not for my reassurance, but it's like transparency. That is what's beautiful to me. Is that transparency of like I love you and look at this stuff. Let's in bed and like laugh about this kind of stuff and share, be open about this, and how have that transparency. I'm like, check, that's what I get that he seems. And I'm just saying this without ever meeting the man, but like from what I know of you and have seen of you two together, like he just seems like such a kind, respectful man, so mature. He just has a good heart. It just like he's a man like he yea, like everything you have searched for leading up to you know now, it's like I feel like timing is really everything and everything aligned you and paved this weird, crazy off the beaten path track for you to find him. Absolutely, there was like there's been so many conversations especially the other day, we were in a conversation about this stuff. He's been through, the stuff I've been through, and nobody's looking or talking like it's about a perfect relationship. We're talking about all the Emperor kind of like pathaways we've gone through to get to where we are today, and it's everything that's out of our control, you know, And I think that's the special thing. And there was no I mean, trust me, I've been in those relationships where it's like you feel like you have to say certain things to get a response to your rise, to see if they care, and you have to do this. There's a lot of like overthinking with it, and this just came together easy for me, and it was it was one of those things that was always a yes with him because even when in the very beginning when it was I don't know if I've told you, if you guys know this, but in the very beginning of our relationship we were together, started dating, and then I needed to like I need to just go through my own stuff and heal and have my own space to do what I need to do for my own mental health. But even with that, it was always like, he's what I wants, He's got the qualities that I want. Yeah, how did you too meet? That's what I was going to ask you because I thought, I don't know if you've talked about it before. I don't know if I have either, But it's nothing cool. He I think he slid in my DMS social media a couple of years ago, and it was nothing that I was. I really was just like, Okay, it's not a big deal. But then I realized he lived close to me. When I because he was, I looked at his thing and I was like, he's hot. And then and then I was like, oh, he loves close to me. So I was like, oh, he's actually a real person. Actually he runs his own company. Okay, okay, So I started putting things together. But then I was like, I'm not into meeting people from social media, from the internet, Like, it's just kind of could be sketched. So we just we would kind of back and forth. I talked to a lot of people who writing me on Instagram, all writing back and forth and share things, and men women will just have conversations, and but he was just kind of different. I was like, he seems more of like a friend at the time then somebody the random off the internet. So what pushed you? Guys? Okay, so you're going back and forth and you're talking, so so what what at what point does it push you to being Okay? I normally don't meet up with people who I'm talking to on the internet. Right, It sounds really funny when you stay it out like out loud like that. But when did you, like, when did you realize that you actually want to meet up in person? Um? It was when after I went through my breakup, my last breakup. I was this I talked about this before, but I was super super low and like really depressed, and there was so much stuff going on in life, and I just I was at the point mentally where I couldn't get out of bed, and there was days where I had struggled having an appetite and just I didn't have any energy. I was trying my best to keep my head above water to do what I needed to do, but I was struggling really bad. And he was one of those friends that reached out and he said, I'm coming through Sacramento on my way up to Lake Tahoe, and do you want to grab a tea? And he I told him, you know, he knew what I was going through because we were friends, but he just said he asked me. He actually asked me to dinner. And then I was like, I don't have an appetite and I don't feel like putting human clothes on you. You're like that takes too much time in so he's like, do you want to grab tea and go on and walk and you need fresh air? And I was like, yeah, I'd like to do that. And I initially did not want to go, and I thought, I just need to get out of the house and do this for myself, just to get out of the house. And so I got out and we literally spent four hours at the coffee shop just dying laughing, and I forgot about everything in the world that was stressing out that was caught me grief that was insane and hard at the time. So it was like this guy is a breath of fresh air for me. He was that glimmer of hope. I mean, I'm sure everyone listening has gone through a breakup at some point in their life, whether it was if it was like with somebody you had only dated a little bit, or that you thought you were to spend the rest of your life. We've all, I'm sure had those moments like you just said, where you don't know what to do, you don't want to do anything, you don't know where to turn, You just want to kind of just sit in yourself and wallow in a way, and to have somebody I love that. That's how it started too. It's like you said that friendship, like you just had somebody could confide in who you didn't have to put on a front to act like everything was perfect and you could just be so okay. After that that first then coffee team meeting, were you still in the mindset of I had a great time, but like I still want to stay friends, or was your heart slowly opening to something more. I think my heart instantly was like kind of love being around this guy. I love being around this guy. And this guy is peace to me. This guy's happiness to me. This guy is bringing a light back into my life and helping me find my light again. And I loved it, and even down to like that first coffee kind of like team meeting that we grabbed tea or whatever together. He knew what I was going through, he knew what my struggles were, and he wanted I told him. I said, I my bucket is empty, like I have nothing to give right now except towards myself and like I'm barely keeping my head above water. And he said, that's okay. I want to be the one that will help fill up your bucket. And he would come to Sacramento three four times a week. He would drive an hour and a half just to go on a walk with me and just too. And it was this feeling that I've never had in a relationship recently, where I felt like I didn't have to be on for somebody. I didn't have to be Claire from the Bachelorette or Claire from TV, or Claire from This Strong Woman or Claire that whatever people's impressions of me are on social media, Like I didn't have to be on for him. I could just be myself and that meant sharing the hard things. That meant sharing the things that I wasn't so proud about or happy about, or that I was going through, you know, the realness of it. And so that's kind of what turned the corner for me, was like I can really be myself around this man and feel that I can let my guard down around and be vulnerable and open because he's not taking advantage of that. That's so beautiful. And also take I want to take time to acknowledge that that takes a different level of intelligence for someone to, you know, look at someone else who's going really hard time and know when to push and when to let things be with you. Like he knew that you needed to get out of the house, you had to breathe. They didn't push or force you to eat anything like this person who anxiety whatever goes straight to my stomach, Like it's so intense and it becomes this it's awful, it sucks, it's just it's it's awful. And for him to be like, okay, we'll compromise, like let's go get coffee or tea. That sounds that sounds like something that's actually achievable or just less intimidating. And for him to know that, Yeah, for him to know that and for that to be your first meetup is incredibly just beautiful. True, it was. It's so simple but beautiful. Yeah. It was everything I needed because I felt so used and so run dry for my previous relationship and this man came into my life filling me up, filling my soul up, and wanting or needing nothing in return. And even when I hit the point of saying, I need to take a step back because I need to really work on myself and I don't need this falsehood of happiness where you create my happiness. I want to be the one to create my happiness from within and I need to take a step back and do that for myself. And he was like, I got you, and he said take your time, do what you gotta do. I'll be here. I'll be here, And he was there for me as a friend, like there was no guilt. There was no guilt of oh, if I can't have you, like I'm out, you know, there was no It was like, do what you gotta do. I see it, I respect it. I'm going to do my own thing, but like, I'm here if you need me well, and Michelle, you're you know, you just arrived about Ryan being intelligent and having this like self awareness. I think the same ghost for you Claire as well. In that scenario. You're like, you recognize I have an empty bucket right now and I need to fill it for myself and to be able to get to any place in my life in the future if I want to be with somebody or not, Like, I need to do this on my own, and I think that also takes a It's risky and it can be scary, but also so much self awareness on your end too, to be like, you know, like this is one day where I would love to be and I'm sure you would love to have that partnership, but I got to get there on my own, and it seems like you did it. I feel like you guys just both balance each other out super super well, which is incredible to see in a relationship. Okay, one thing that I really want to ask you about, because I know you've talked about your mom and this is something that you and I have DMed a little bit about two in the past. But one thing that I really liked that Ryan proposed to you not only once, but twice, and one the second time encourage me if I'm wrong, But the second time was in front of your mom. Correct yea. And what was that moment like for you? Ah? It was a moment that's never happened before. It was a moment that I had never expected and anything with my mom because she has she is still on hospice for dimension Alzheimer's. That time is so valuable and time is so limited. There was a point a year and a half ago where we thought that was the end. And so to be able to this is gonna make me kind. But to share I never thought that moment was possible. And I was so upset for so long that my previous relationship because I felt like you took that moment and that time away from me and my mom. That was special that I had been waiting to share with my mom and that I thought my dad hasn't been able to be around for that obviously in spirit, but not physically to be there to say yes, to see to witness a proposal, or to witness that type of love. And I felt robbed of that before and take an advantage of that before and used for that before and not knowing how precious that is to me. And so this time with Ryan, it's like that moment was so beautiful and like he got emotional with me, made me so emotional, and he was so just respectful and loving and still is so kind to my mom. And so this is what makes me emotional, is that you never know, like where life is going to lead you. I thought it would be, you know, I waited so long as I'm forty one years old going on forty two almost, and I thought I was so lucky to have that moment with Ryan with my mom. But not only that, my mom's still here. My mom's still giving her best and comfortable and happy right now, and so she's not only able to see that moment, but she's going to be able to go willing soon be it my way. And not only that for other things that are coming up. Oh God, Okay, so you're gonna have to ask the next question because I am literally just I wow, that I never that's something that I haven't necessarily had to think about with just But like the pressure of that you must have felt, Claire, with time is of the essence, and like you're up against time almost like it's your enemy, and it's you're really wanting to find your person for you, but also for the people in your life to see that, like you are going to be taken care of, and for them to be around to see these huge moral markers in your life and for him to do that. Did you know Did you know that he was going to propose a second time in front of your mom? Is that something that you had talked spoken about or is that something that he took upon himself complict fully and kind of surprised you with. Now, we definitely talked about it, because he wasn't he wanted how do I say this? I wanted my mom to be a part of it. It was important to me to be a part of it, because I said, at the very bare minimum, we still have her here with us, and I want her to have a part in it, have a say, and she at least be there for that, even if she wasn't able to in the future be there because we don't know. I want her to be able to see that and to have him look my mother in the face and say, like, I will love your daughter forever. I want to love your daughter forever, like, can I have your permission? It was so pivotal. My mom very traditional, My whole family is very traditional. So it just meant the world to me. It meant the world. And I told him, I said, you have to be able to look my mother they're in the eye, and make that promise to her, and don't make that promise to me if you can't make that promise to my mom and look her in the eyeball. Did she I'm assuming she did, but did she give him her blessing? Totally? He just loves it. He always just said she said, well, she said, he's so handsome. He's so handsome, even when he's right there she's like, yeah, we're all over here crying. Well yeah, And I think about it too clear because I can relate to you, you know, like I lost my dad at a younger age, and he's he guess he's with me in spirit, and I'd like to think that he's so kind of guiding me along. Um. And there was something about like when I met Thomas, like even before my mom ever met him, like the way that I would talk about him. She's like, I feel like he's the one, and I think there's something And I'm not a parent, so I don't fully know, um, but I think there's something to be said about your parents guide you on this life journey and you know they raise you and they give you wings to help you fly. But I'm sure there's something so special about being your mother and seeing you go through all of the ups and downs over the past couple decades, especially like through the heartbreaks, and I'm sure your mom to be there and to see that and to see him just like hold your heart is probably so special, such an incredible moment to be able to incorporate her in Like God, I can't even like I have no words, like that is so beautiful, so special, like that is just and for him to take it to heart and want to have that moment with you both is just amazing, amazing. Thank you so much because it was like it really is something that's I just beyond special to me. And it was It's funny because it was he did it after he proposed to me, but he was like, I wanted to do it beforehand, but then I would ruin that I was surprising you, and he made it happen. Yeah, he made it. He made it work. Yeah, it was for He's so thorough. I love it, but so okay, So you talk a little bit about you know, we talk about parent Becca. You mentioned parenthood and Ryan he has two children, and how how has that been for you with navigating a relationship with somebody who has kids in those first moments where you're being introduced to them and you're also now you're not also also just getting to know him, but you're also getting to know these extensions of him and stepping into some sort of a role to them as well. How has that been? Can you kind of take us along the way of what it's been like? Yeah, I think I'd be lying if I said it was super easy, because it's not being a step parent, even being a girlfriend to a guy with children, being a fiance to man who has previous children who are old enough to know and they're they're nine and eleven. And I thought, going into this with my heart, I was like, I know, and he knows how much I love children. I have thirteen nieces and nephews, Like I more than anything in this world love children. And I thought this is gonna be great, like, no big deal, right, But also there's a lot of things as a stepparent to navigate not only from I think the children's side, because their sweet little hearts are going through so much already from a divorce and having parents and trying to comprehend all that as a child. It's hard enough as an adult to comprehend divorce and breakups and all that kind of stuff. So their little hearts are so special and so intelligent. But it's I worry about that for them, and saying the right things and doing the right things, and it's something that is like, I'm so honored to do for these girls because they are truly like the sweetest little things and have shown me nothing but love and shown me nothing but like open arms and welcoming And like I said, I thought it would just be this easy thing you just blend in, but yeah, there's so many things you have to take into account, and there's a lot of things too even that at the end of the day, it's like I always try to remind them too, they have an amazing mom. I'm their stepmom and I'm somebody who loves them, but they have an amazing mom. I'm not trying to be their mom. I'm trying to be another person that just is in their life to bring love to them. And I think when they understood that and when they really got that, it was like this shift in Okay, And even with the thing, I'm like, I did not break up your parents. I was not the reason, you know. Having to be able to like go through all the stuff. It's challenging, la la. It's longer, but it's a challenging thing, but it is a rewarding thing because it's a choice I get to make to be there for them, and it's a choice they get to be able to accept me into their lives. And I'm honored to be in l lives. I'm honored to be a person that can love these toodle girls because they really are wonderful. Well and I'm sure too, like this is just an added layer of or an added conversation that you have to have going into this engagement. And you know, I'm sure most couples, if they want kids one day, they have conversations of like, how do we want to raise these kids? You know, how do we want to rear them? And like what do we want to instill in them? And now it's like Ryan has those you know, He's done that for the past eleven years with these children, but now it's incorporating you. Have you both been able to have those conversation and I don't want you to have to give details, but have you been able to have those conversations of like, once we're married, you know, how do we want to help not raise, but grow these children? Oh? For sure, we have had, trust me, the hardest, most intense conversations that aren't easy. But it's conversations that need to be had because I want this to work. He wants this to work, and we both want what's best not only for ourselves but for the other people and for the girls. And so even conversations of you know, I'm trying to think of one off the top of my head, but there's been some really really even cautions still pop up. I'm trying to think like I'm trying to think of one and blanking on him. But we have had to have those hard conversations, and the gift of it all is that as hard as those are, I also have the gift of being able to see how he is as a parent already going into this relationship. He's the one that when I'm still asleep, he's up there making chocolate chip banana cakes, and waking up extra early to make sure that these goals have clean clothes for school, and making sure that they have their glue sticks ordered in Amazon at the door so they have them for their presentation the next day. Like he's the one doing all a lot of that stuff that I see on his behalf, And it's like, that's the kind of man I wanted to marry, somebody who's not just passive, not somebody who has even old school police of like the whoopan should be doing it all. Like he gets up and he does it. He will do what needs to be done for those girls, and I love it. I love him going to say, I'm sure it's a little turn on for you too, totally. And he just there's been so many moments too where I catch him with his girls and I look just he doesn't know that I see him, and I'm kind of a creek from the side looking, but I'm just like, that's the kind of daddy that you know, that's the kind of daddy I want for my children and that these girls deserve. Like he's a good father and he will always be a good father to these girls because of just how he holds them and he is like he physically just always hugging them and kissing them on the cheek and telling them how much he loves them, like he's such a good such a good dad. And you don't know that, you don't know that when you get into relationship with the guy, how they're going to be. And I gotta be such a relief though I can only imagine because and I'm just speaking for myself, and maybe you two can relate like I've been with Xes in the past where I'm like, I cannot envision raising children with you like there, it just we're not gonna be on the same page. It's that gonna work. It's gonna be more stressful than I could imagine. And now that, like you know, I have Thomas Lely, but now that I see him like with our nieces and nephews and how excited he is to be a dad, I'm like, oh, this is such a relief. I have like a partner, a teammate in this totally, totally that's huge. And I can feel you on that where I mean I'm still looking at you'll get the too quick quick, but I mean, Claire, it sounds when you're talking about it, you can tell that it hasn't been this perfect process of navigating through this experience with dating someone for yourself and also trying to figure out how to navigate parenthood or what life would look like in all the different layers that Becca talks about. If you could give a piece of advice to somebody who is in a similar situation or is kind of in the earlier stages of navigating through dating somebody who has children and having those conversations, what would your advice be to them? Okay, so the advice that we give here's the truth. I'm still figuring it out. I'm still learning. And the best thing that I can think of is make sure you have a partner that you are a team member with and that you are a family unit with, not just them and their kids and you separately. Make sure you guys work on it all together. Because I can tell you the thing that has gotten us through this and through the challenging conversations, through the challenging moments, it's where Ryan has had my back and as Ryan has supported me, and I support Ryan with all the stuff that were that he has faced in being a divorced parent in being you know, me being a step parent or soon to be a step parent. But it's it's it's challenging. But make sure you guys are one percent on each other's teams. I think that's the biggest thing because there's a lot of people and I've seen it. I have people that I know that like, I don't know how to explain it. Ryan Ryan puts me first as well as you his children first. It's not And I had somebody comment to me on social media, They're like, how does it feel being second? Like are you okay being second runner up to his kids? And it's like we're all first up. His kids are first up, I'm first up, he's first up to me, his kids are first up to me. There's no second best, there's no taken a backseat to his kids come first? Which children come first because they can't send for themselves, right, But in this relationship, he puts me just as much of a priority as those girls as well, and it means a lot to me. They gets through a lot. There's no hierarchy. It's like you are in that family unit. And I actually like how you keep already referring to yourself as the stepmom because it's like you are you know, like, yes, it's unofficial, you haven't tied the knot and signed to the paperwork, but like you are the stepmom, like this is your family now, and so I think that's a great mindset to already be in. Okay, do we cut out the whole leg get a connotation of stepmom? As you bring that up, Becca, isn't it like as you say, stepmom? What's so funny? Is like in my head, it's like in society we literally think like negget, why do we think negatively of Cinderella? Okay, that's what happens. Fucked up a lot? Okay, exactly a lot l and distress. But like, really though a stepmom, like it is such a beautiful thing and it takes so much to be able to navigate that and from like even a teacher perspective, if you think about all the like the number of percentage, what is the percentage of relationships that feel? Does anyone like? Isn't it like? I think it's like, well, it might be in the sixties, but somebody mustn't tell us. We will find very tell us. But it is so crazy because co parenting and all that has to take for that to like happen and function in a healthy manner. I feel like there's a lot of people who do not cope well, like there's a lot of just pain and the children typically pay and to hear you talk about just like the way you embrace being a stepmom and bring the positivity and like this like spotlight around it. It's like you're you know, you're not trying to take somebody as you know, you're not trying to one up anybody. You're not trying to slide in and like outrun an their mother who is, like you said, it seems a very wonderful mother. And so it's just like I love that you embrace that role double the love. I mean, those girls are lucky. I will say so okay, because I want to get into like some of the wedding planning stuff, but I guess now I want to know that we're also talking about the girls too. I'm assuming so, but are they going to have a role in the wedding in any sense? They definitely. I will tell you this because I don't like I like his privacy with the children, and I try to always on these respect their mother, respect them and if they're not here to sit to be able to share. I want them to be able to share what they want to share. And with the respect of that, I think I Ryan, I one percent gave them the choice to say and just like I had, we had the conversation with them of I know this is different, I know this is probably hard. But you can be involved with this as much or as little as you want to be whatever that looks like to you, whatever you're comfortable with. Let's rock that. Yeah, that's wonderful. How okay, so you talk about that, and I admire the fact that you already sat down and have Like Claire, if one thing well I will say about you is you've always been so transparent and you've always been just incredibly honest and vulnerable. And the fact that you kind of like brought that in and was willing to have allowed them that say and have that conversation with them with everything. How have they received if you don't mind sharing, how have they received with like the fact that you've been on television, like their bonus mom has been on the TV screen. They don't know and they don't care. Okay, that's amazing. They don't care. Yes, right now, having a conversation about it last night, What do you think about this? And he was like, do you think she knows what that it? Do you think she cares what that is? And I was like, you're right, perfect, You're not a cartoon. No, they could literally, they could care less. They kind of when when they're when we're like snuggled or whenever and hanging out and I'm on my phone and having to work from my phone and post on social media and stuff like that, They're like, what is that? And why do you have this? How do you have this many followers? Is it because you post all the time? Like? How do you have followers? I'm like, I'm not. You're like, we'll save that story for another day, honey, We'll wait till you're eighteen to get into that. Tell you this too. I will totally say this because it's not something that's like a secret or anything or like ashamed thing or like, oh, like I don't want them knowing. It's more of I love the fact that they just love me for me and like me for me and accept me for me. That's the whole purpose of like why I didn't really share with them. But I think at the end of the day too, though it's I'll be happy to share with them because this is not something I'm ashamed of. It's not something I'm embarrassed about being on the shows and being on a few times and multiple shows and it being a failure not working out or just some TV reality personality. That's not what this is for me, This show going on, this was a part of my life and a path that successful or not successful, was successful in my eyes because it changed the trajectory of my future. And that's I think even people listening like if you're going through things, I think it's and you're questioning like dang, that sucked or that was a hard thing, or why did I go through that? Or do you regret going through that? Not going through all that wouldn't get you to where you are today. And I'm proud of who I am. I'm proud of the woman I am today. I'm proud of what I have gone through and the strength I have to be able to be like Yep, I did that. Absolutely I should be and every step gets you to where you have to be. I hate always saying this, but like everything does happen for a reason, and had you not maybe done a season or did this time on the show, Like you might not be where you're at, you might not be a self aware, you might not know exactly what you want, and so it's like it all led you to this day and age totally exactly. And those things, all those things that are out of our control that may not be good or this or that or didn't work out how he thought they were going to work out. They fucking worked out. Yeah, sure and out and then down the road. I don't know, I can't keep thinking this, but it's like down the road then, like the girls, it's like a it's kind of like a plot twist of how I met your bonus mother, almost like it's a way for them. They're like, you know, I can learn all about that stuff when they're old enough. You know, it's so true. And even the girls about that, like how do you mean dad? Or how what about this? Or about that? And I'm like, how well, I'll answer them anything they want to know. It's it's nothing. I'm ashamed about nothing. I'm like, you know, I probably love it, Okay, Claire, I want to get into a little bit of the upcoming season of the Bachelor, because obviously that's what we do here in Happy Hour. Kay, First of all, will you be watching this season or have you watched the most recent seasons or have you taken a step off away from it? I've taken a step away, Um, I even I've taken a step away. For why I get it? I understand there. I mean, because you've been in the contestant shoes, you kind of know what going into night one and Uncharted season looks like. Would you have any advice that you could give to the women who are about to start Zach season? The best advice? I don't know if I'm want for advice on this, but I think it's probably going to sound so cliche. But be yourself. Just be yourself. You don't need to go above and beyond for anything extravagant to be noticed. And it's okay if you aren't a front runner or if you aren't noticed or you get some home night one, be authentically who you are because that is what people fall in love with, That is what people connect with, and that is what people appreciate. Is the realness. And I can only speak of like coming from a perspective of having a genuine interest to possibly find a good partner and not seeking out fame as my goal. I guess, have your goals and intentions clear, get clear, and rock with it. If that's who you are, then rock with it. If that's not who you are, like you don't need to go do anything crazy. If you need to do that to impress a man, he's not your man. He's not your man. You know he's not your man, and be okay with that, And that is nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong with that. The leads and contestants could take all of this advice to heart. Yeah, but I think the consensus is to just be who you are because if you're not, that's it's going to be found out very soon. So I love that you said that. Well, that is a great segue to our resource time and so Claire, this is kind of a newer thing we've added into Happy Hour. Basically, we love to keep all of our listeners informed and share important resources. So this week my resource isn't it's kind of like all over the place. It's not just one resource. But I have a couple of articles that I will share in link once this comes out. But it started because last week we had Jesse Palmer on obviously he used to be in the NFL still works in sports broadcasting, and he had mentioned last week that there's such a huge discrepancy between the coaching staff throughout the NFL, between black and white coaches, and so I took a deeper dive into this, but not only with the coaching, but also within the players. And I think also, I'm not a sports person by anything, So let me preface this entire conversation that I don't really know sports. I am not an athlete, but I want to still continue to learn more and educate myself in all aspects that I'm not familiar with. And so for anyone who doesn't know football or watch sports, there's a player, DeMar Hamlin who played for the Bills who got hurt I think two weeks ago now. So this is kind of like what spewed me going down a rabbit hole. But I took a look into et, which is basically, oh my god, I cannot talk. I'm sorry. It's a degenerative brain disease that's been linked to repeat It blows in the head, and it's very common within football, and the NFL has poured a lot of money into concussion and helmet research. But I went down this dive of looking into the players as a whole, and I didn't even realize this, but apparently there's a stat and I think it's about seventy percent of players within the NFL are black, and the league up until recently hasn't done a hard push for black players to get concussion settlements. They mainly would focus on the white players. And again I'm going to link a bunch of the articles that I read. They're kind of all over the place, but recently the NFL actually committed two hundred and fifty million dollars I think it was over a ten year period to combat semic racism racism. It will also work with players to identify and work with different programs that address not only things within the NFL and like the game itself, but into criminal justice reform, police reform, economic and educational advancement for African Americans. But they will continue to leverage the NFL network with that money and the media properties to promote the education of social justice issues for the fans as well. And so it was just a really interesting kind of a couple hours that I spent looking into this, because again, like I don't know football I don't know anything about sports, but to still play into you know, we see racism still throughout everywhere, whether it's in your face, very prevalent or not. And so again I will share those articles that I read up on, but just something for me that was very educational is something that I never usually look into. So that's kind of my resource as a whole this week. And so Michelle you if you want to share yours now, yes, no, I love that, Thank you. I have a podcast that I've kind of started listening to, and I'm not gonna tune into like a specific episode or anything, just that in general. But the podcast is called Momentum, and basically it's kind of talking about like race forward to the different things that need to happen to kind of move forward. But it actually does it in a way where it's tying it to pop culture and really like focuses and fine tunes like all these different activists, leaders in the community, celebrities, things like that, and works to tell their story and kind of like bridge that branch. So this is a good podcast, especially for people who are kind of just beginning their journey with becoming like an anti racist and not knowing where to start a lot of my resources that I've shared have kind of been around this, because that's the biggest thing that I've noticed is people are like, well, I don't know where to start, so then you don't start, and it's like, no, I'm gonna give you a place to start. So this one right here, it's called momentum Um. There will be a lot of different, like familiar names. I think that listeners will start to learn about um and just you leave with you leave the podcast, I feel like you leave the episodes feeling like you actually have like tools to put in action. And that's one thing that I really liked about this one is that you're listening and you're learning, but then it doesn't necessarily give you homework, but you have clarity of like, Okay, I know how to I actually apply this and go in this direction. So that's what I love. Application application is huge. You can learn a ton, but it doesn't do anything if you don't apply it right. So really kind of pushes the application. Cool momentum. I'm excited to check that one out. I want to check that too. That sounds that sounds awesome. Be excited to check that out. I'm starting for a good podcast. Yeah, oh yeah, say Birl all right, and miss Claire, you are up. If you have a resource, I would say the resource or the person I would suggest people turn towards listen to would be Yasmin Cheyenne. She's on Instagram, she has a podcast, she is an author. She speaks on all things that we're covering right now, and it's just even just as a woman, she is very encouraging and empowering. Yes men, Cheyenne, awesome, thank you. I will check her out, get her podcast to listen. Okay, well, Claire, we have one more thing for you before we let you go, and that is our rose and the thorn, and so basically overall in your life, like your rose, which is your high point, your favorite part right now, and then maybe a messy or awkward part that's going on in your life, I would okay, so I would say my rose. I will start with my rose. The rose is actually just where I'm at in life right now and being at peace. That is my rose right now, having peace in my heart, peace and where I'm at piece where I'm headed and to finally be a place or have answers to it all, and that is my rose right now, and then I would say my thorn is probably Oh can I tell you my thorn? This is a for real one for me right now? He's an old depression. Seasonal depression is for everyone in the back. I am telling you, I am a very happy sunshine soul on the ring. But I'm telling you the second I see a cloud in the sky for more than an hour and it lingers and lingers and rain and this and not like I can appreciate it all, but man, it has done me dirty this year and I have been struggling on the daily with it. It takes me a little bit longer to get out of bed, it takes me longer to want to exercise. Like, seasonal depression is a for real thing. And there's I'm singing, go a lot more in depth about it. For me, that's the thorn right now and just riding the wave and knowing that this two shell cast and that the sun will come out. Amen. Well, Claire, it has been so good just catching up with you again, seeing you again. I always love having you, so please anytime you want to come back or bring Ryan on, we would love to have you both. And I really do want to say on behalf of both me and Michelle. Like to see you in such a good place and just thriving just with yourself, in your relationship and so many aspects of your life is really really special. I'm so happy for you. I truly am. Thank you guys so much, and honestly to you Becca with your wedding planning and all that stuff, and you Michelle thriving has an independent, strong woman. Cheers to you too, like you, guys, because it's it's hard enough to be baseline, so anything about that, you guys are both killing it. So thank you. And guys, yes, we need to get together soon. Double dates her in order, triple dates maybe one day with Michelle, but we'll just like you know what I got it. We're gonna have a housewarming party once her house is done that I want you all to that. So yes, okay, Claire, we love you. We hope to see you very soon. Love you, guys. I love Claire. I absolutely love her. I don't and energy, just her energy. She always brings it. She's so sweet and she I The only other time I've spoken to her was when we were doing we were in the audience for one of the specials I just remember her being so just bubbly and just enjoy to talk to you. So she is someone who she really wants the best for people like she especially for women. She's such a hype woman, like truly wants everyone to succeed. Um and so like seeing her at this place in life just so. And I hate to say the word content because I feel like there's such a bad connotation around it. I think content is a great word. Like she's just happy with herself and that's really incredible. I mean, like she she's gone through it. She's been in this franchise for a few years, she's gone through a few seasons, especially when social media was like super prevalent, and and she's she's had like rough patches we all have. But to see her on this other side and like really know her self worth, I think is incredible for everyone to witness. Um. So, Claire, we love you. She's just so. She probably is one of the most genuine like people that we've honestly really had on this podcast, because I mean, I'm not an emotional person, but when you connect with somebody who is so genuine like that, like Claire had both of us crying today. Oh, my god. I know at one point I was like, Michelle, you got to take this kit cry and I'll usually cry. Yeah. She's incredible. Yeah, I love having her on. So thank you Claire, and also to all of our Happy Hour listeners. Thank you for listening to us each and every week, and everybody listening, please don't forget that casting is now open for men to date the next Boucherette, whoever that might be. I'm not sure, but if you are single or know someone who is single, go to the website to nominate or apply, and that website is boucher Nation dot com slash apply. Please also make sure to hit us up on social. You can follow us at Bachelor Happy Hour on Instagram and from there you'll find everything you need to know to follow us on Twitter and TikTok. And for all of you Prime members out there, you can always listen to about our Happy Hour ad free on Amazon Music download the Amazon Music app today, or you can also listen ad free with Wondering Plus in Apple Podcasts. And before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short servi at wonderree dot com slash survey. Thank you, batually happy our listeners. And we will see you next week. Cheers,