219 | Session Savvy: Reflecting Content Without Assuming Emotion

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class and child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, we are doing another Session Savvy series

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and today we're talking through

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not assuming that content is emotionally connected.

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So I'll make sense of what I mean by that in just a second.

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But before we do,

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if you are new to the podcast, welcome, we're so glad you're here.

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supportive community than the Play Therapy Podcast listeners.

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So, really excited to have you.

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If you have not, please go back and listen to the episodes in order.

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This is a seminal training podcast

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and it goes in order on purpose. So please go back and start at episode one

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so that you get all of the basics that

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you need before you dive into this series specifically,

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but all of the most recent episodes.

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Secondly, if you are planning to attend the Australia conference,

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please sign up for the meet up.

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So go to www.playtherapypodcast.com/meetup RSVP. It's free.

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It's just so we know how many people to expect

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and the Atlanta meet up was absolutely incredible.

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So, really looking forward to doing it on the Gold Coast in Brisbane

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next month

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and we are at the end of October,

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which is crazy to me and we're gonna be hitting the last

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two months of the year here in the next couple of days.

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So

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really interesting to think about this year in reflection.

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And I'll actually toward the end of the year,

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I'll do kind of a reflection episode if you will

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to go over

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just lots of things that we've done lots

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of things that we're looking forward to doing

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and kind of encapsulating 2024. But I hope that you have felt that this year was

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a year of shifts for you. And what I mean by that is,

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I hope that you

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feel that you have turned a corner on your skills.

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I feel that you have gained more information. I hope that you feel that you

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are

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looking forward to continuing to grow and learn the CCPT model.

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And

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for me, I it has just been one positive shift after another. So

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I hope that you're feeling excited.

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I hope that you are looking back reflectively over

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this year as it's coming to an end pretty soon

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with a lot of gratitude and a lot of excitement.

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And I'm just, I'm grateful for each and every one of you. So just wanted to

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let you know that those have been my thoughts as we're moving into November.

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Ok. So Session Savvy series,

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here's what I'm seeing in a lot of the videos that I'm reviewing and

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here's what I see in a lot of the sessions that I watch.

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We sometimes assume that when a child does something

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we're supposed to react in a certain way.

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And we kind of get into this

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habit of thinking that the content is emotionally connected

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and therefore we respond

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in an emotional way

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or in the way that we assume we are supposed to respond.

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Even when, what true CCPT is,

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is remaining neutral until we're given a cue or a directive.

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So let me give you some examples and I think this will start to make sense

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so often if a child handcuffs

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us, a child says you're gonna get handcuffed,

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we would want to neutrally react and respond with a reflection of content there.

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Oh, you're gonna handcuff me.

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But then we don't assume

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that we're supposed to not like it.

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We're not supposed to assume that we're scared.

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We're not supposed to assume that we want to be freed

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and here's what will happen.

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A therapist will get handcuffed and then go oh no, I don't wanna be handcuffed

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or

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oh, I want you to let me go, but I'm stuck

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or I don't like this. When are you gonna let me go? Things like that

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and

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we think that we're playing a role

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but unless the child has cued that, that is supposed to be our reaction,

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that that is supposed to be our response

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that is leading and its directive

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and it's assumptive

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and we don't want to be any of those things in CCPT.

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So when a child handcuffs us, for example,

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we wait to find out from the child what our response is supposed to be.

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So if the child says,

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yeah, and you don't want to be handcuffed,

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ok, now we have a role to play. I don't want these handcuffs on,

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but until a child gives us that directive, we don't want to assume that.

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Ok, another example is if we get shot

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either with

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the air because there's just a regular gun or with a dark gun or

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with a bow and arrow or with whatever we happen to get shot with

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in my room, it's a crossbow. But

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for whatever weapons you happen to have a slingshot, maybe I,

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I think there are some play rooms with slingshots

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if you get shot

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often, what will happen is

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I see therapists clutch their chests and fall over

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and stick their tongue out and they immediately die.

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Well,

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how are we supposed to know that we're meant to die when we get shot?

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We shouldn't.

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So in a moment like that, we're supposed to respond neutrally

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and Oh,

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and actually let me extend this to getting stabbed because

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I think stabbing is even worse because when we get stabbed

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we tend to go. what I make all these, I'm in pain. Dying sounds

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ok. We don't know that that is how we're supposed to respond.

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We can assume that

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but we don't want to do that in a CCPT playroom

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because it's the child's story,

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the child's narration,

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the child's direction.

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So we want to neutrally acknowledge what happened.

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Oh, you're stabbing me

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or you shot me

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and then we wait

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because if the child wants us to do something else, they'll tell us.

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And if they don't,

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then we can just watch how the story unfolds.

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And that usually gives us contextual clues.

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So

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the goal is always to either reflect content or track behavior,

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not assume emotion, not assume outcome,

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not assume charge.

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And then we wait to see how whatever that storyline is develops.

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OK. Final example,

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there will be sometimes that a child will tell you something

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that it's actually not part of the play, right?

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So these first two examples,

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you're getting handcuffed or you're getting shot or stabbed,

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that's in the moment in the playroom.

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And we can assume,

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but what if a child tells you something that

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has nothing to do with the playroom at all?

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So it's a connective moment. It's a relational moment.

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It's something that they're working through. So they want to talk about it

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I watched a session a while back where the little girl said

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it's my birthday on Saturday

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and she said it like that.

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It was just,

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my birthday is on Saturday

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and we have a tendency to go. Your birthday is Saturday. That's so exciting.

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But do we know that?

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What if this is a child that has never had her birthday celebrated her whole life?

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Because her family always forgets

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or her family's always too busy.

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And this was a child that was living with grandma. Mom and dad were not in the picture.

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So I'm not making up these crazy scenarios.

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This was a girl that her parents might not have ever celebrated her birthday.

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I don't know. And I don't know that the therapist knew either.

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And

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we have a tendency to connect certain things with certain feelings.

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Birthday parties are exciting.

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But for a child, they might not be,

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she might dread her birthday coming around every year.

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She might never want to celebrate her birthday because she never

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gets presents and she feels lonely and ignored on her birthday.

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So when we go, that's so exciting. Now, let's back up. Had the child gone.

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It's my birthday on Saturday.

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Ok. Well, that's clear excitement. So we could absolutely reflect that feeling.

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But if we're just told something,

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we can't assume

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that there's an emotion tied there unless the child has indicated that

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because that's our context.

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Birthdays are exciting, but they're not always exciting.

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Think about foster kids. Think about kids that have been adopted out of foster care.

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Think about kids that live in really dysfunctional households.

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Think about kids that have parents who are addicted to substances,

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birthdays might be completely forgotten, ignored and miserable for those kids.

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And I think we also tend to do it

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when

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a child is acting out in a certain way in the playroom. So for example,

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when a child

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hits their fist on the table,

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we might say,

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oh, you're mad,

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but

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was the child really mad?

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That might have been

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just an expression of I need to channel this stuff that's inside.

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It could have been

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a pounding victory kind of scenario without really understanding the emotion.

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We don't want to

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move forward with what we think might

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be an indication there.

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So we might say, oh,

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you're really angry or you're upset a lot of times when kids punch Bobo,

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we'll say you're angry

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but punching isn't angry.

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We've talked about that in an earlier podcast.

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So we have to be really careful about

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not connecting things that are not clearly connected.

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So

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going back to how we started this, we can't assume content is emotionally charged

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because we need to just neutrally

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reflect content or track behavior

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and wait for a cue

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and or wait for a child to express a very evident emotion.

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And then we're able to reflect that

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I hope that's helpful to you all.

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So many of you have given me feedback on this Session

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Savvy series and told me how much it has been

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valuable to you and how helpful it has been.

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So, I'm really, really happy

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to hear the feedback from you all.

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If you want to reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you,

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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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I haven't said this in a while.

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So for my vets, you know, this, but for my new listeners,

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a lot of times people ask who filters my emails or,

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does every email get passed to you or who reads them and vets them and who blah, blah,

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blah.

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The answer is no one.

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So if you email me, it comes directly to me, I will directly respond. I promise.

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I'm the only one that reads my emails. I'm the only one that responds.

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Sometimes it takes several days.

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So if you don't hear from me immediately, it doesn't mean I didn't get it.

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I just have a lot of emails,

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but I promise you, I will respond.

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And if you just want to say hello, if you wanna tell me a story,

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if you wanna ask me a question,

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I'd love to hear from you, brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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All right, y'all love you. Good to be with you. Talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.