Rachel & Kristina Schulman Answer Fans’ Dating Questions

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Speaker 1: All right, So I wanted to start this podcast off by addressing some things that were brought to my attention and to Bacca's attention and pretty much to the whole Bachelor Happy Our family about a recent podcast we did. Now, I know that when you have a public platform, you're going to say some things and do some things that aren't always well received by everybody. And I know also that not everyone's going to agree with everything you say or do. And I know also that you can't live your life by trying to please every single person or try to appease them when they have an issue with you. It's just life. And I know sometimes that I do things or Becca does things or whatever that may upset you. But one thing that we never want to do is offend you. And when we do Bachelor Happy Hour, every time we start our podcast, we end our podcast, or maybe somewhere in between. We are always telling you guys to reach out to us, to like what we do, to comment, to talk to us. Let's create this open community. And that shouldn't change if we do something that you guys don't approve of. This is when you are supposed to reach out to us and say something and this is when we're supposed to listen. And the response that we received in doing this podcast with Claudia it was overwhelming. And I think that there are a lot of things that have been thrown around and a lot of assumptions that have been made, and I think that the best place to clear everything up is to take it where you heard it from, right, Let's just go back to the source. So it's hard for me to address everything. It's hard for me to have seen all of your comments. So I'm just going to try to do the best that I can, and I just ask you guys to bear with me. So I am no stranger to Claudia. I think that if you've been following me, you known that I have been a guest on The Morning Toast, I was a guest on The Morning Breath when it was that, and I've actually hosted that show with them as well. I've spent time with them outside of the public as well. And so when you know someone and you have a personal relationship with them, then you are a little bit more understanding because it's not as black and white as it may be to a consumer or a viewer who doesn't have any type of relationship with them. So I'm prefacing that to say that I am aware that there were problematic tweets from Claudia back when she was a teenager, and I think it was in like twenty fourteen, fifteen around that time. And I am also aware that those tweets became public, and I think it was in twenty eighteen. And when those tweets became public, Claudia immediately took to social media and she was crying, and she apologized and she was held accountable. And if you follow me, I also talk about accountability culture versus the cancel culture of completely annihilating people, because I am I do believe people make mistakes, but I also believe in holding people accountable for those mistakes that they make. You know, which is what you guys did when you reach out to us and you commented about what you felt that we did was problematic, and I always appreciate that. I'm always receptive of constructive criticism. So anyways, she was held accountable for that. She lost her show from AOL. They completely canceled her, and she and her entire business had to completely start over with a brand new show a brand new network. They did it on their own and since then, I have seen Claudia, from what I've seen publicly and personally, completely own up to the mistakes that she made, completely disassociate herself with those tweets and say that that is not her. And I've also seen her had conversations with her personally. In fact, a lot of you have said, well, why did you not publicly say something? Well, in the same way that I privately went to other people in the past before, when I've said when I've called them out, I privately went to Claudia as well, and she immediately publicly apologized. So I'm not excusing what she did. What I'm saying is is that she was held accountable for her actions, which were deplorable. In my opinion, don't stand by it, don't agree with it, think it's absolutely disgusting. Another thing that I've seen you guys say is you talked about her mom. Well, that's a subject I'm not going to touch because I can only imagine what it's like to have a mother who stands for such disgraceful things. And there's really no other way to put it. I mean, the things that their mom is representative of, the things that she puts out there. The things that she writes about, does presentations about, is nothing that myself, backup, or Bachelor Happy Hour in general stand for by any means. It is my understanding that Claudia has disassociated herself publicly from her mother's actions and has said that she doesn't stand by them She's told I've seen that in public, and I've seen that privately. As far as people saying she should completely call her mother out, I don't get in a family business, and I don't think that we should either. I'm not going to sit here and tell somebody what they should tell their own mother to do. What's important to me is that you don't stand by what her mother does. You are not a representative of that. As far as their family business, I wouldn't get into yours. I'm not going to get into theirs now. The other thing I will address is that there have been I don't personally listen to the Morning Toast. I don't listen to every episode. I catch an episode randomly here and there, So I am not the Claudia Jackie Police. I have not seen all the things that you know has been brought to my attention. I haven't read them. I'm I'm not aware of all those things. There's no way that I can be accountable for every single person's actions, but I will say there have been things that have been brought to my attention where although I know their brand can be crass and that's what people like from them, there's some things that pointed out to me that I feel are offensive and insensitive. I was not aware of them, not in full detail like this. Some one viewer or listener was nice enough to provide me a laundry list of things, and I have to say that I found them offensive, I found them ignorant, and I found them insensitive and I don't agree with it. You've also heard me say on this podcast that if somebody is willing to listen, then I'm willing to help them grow. And I think that as friends, that is what you're supposed to do. I think a true friend calls somebody out when that friend out when they do something, and sees if they have it in their heart to be open enough to change. And so that is what I have done, not just in a friendship or a relationship with Claudia, with other friends that I've had that have maybe said something that's offensive to me, that's ignorant or insensitive, not just to me, but to another race, to another culture. And so I feel like I've done that in my friendship, but there were some things I will admit that I was not aware of. And so all that to say, when it comes to our community that we have with Bachelor Happy Hour and it comes to our listeners, we don't want to offend you by any means, and I deeply apologize if you feel not if you feel period you were a fend. You do feel offended. So I'm not taking that away from you. I apologize that we offended you. I truly do. And I want it also to be known that we don't stand by any racist, insensitive, offensive remarks, actions or people. And I don't want this thought and this stigma to perpetuate and to continue to be affiliated with Bachelor Happy Hour. That is not what we're about. That's not what we stand for. And I also don't want people to think just because I'm black and I'm a woman, that those are the only rights that I stand for. I stand for equality and I stand against injustice, and that goes for anybody, any race, any ethnicity, any culture, anybody that has been wronged. I am on your side, and so I just felt like it was necessary for me to address that on half of Bachelor Happy Hour. And this is also very representative of Becca as well. And I really just want to I really want to create a space where we are open, we can be honest with each other, and where we hold each other accountable. And so I'm not poking my chest out, I'm not standing proud. I am saying that we offended you and for that we apologize. And up next, you know, let's let's try to make this a little bit lighter. Got a really exciting guest for you guys on My Girlfriend My Home Girl. In the spirit of saying that we listen to you guys, one of the things that you constantly reach out to us about is dating advice. You just ask for relationship advice in general. And so I'm married. Yes, I had a blast and definitely had it out of my twenties even into my thirties. Yes, I went on National TV to date thirty men. Yes, I am married now, so I definitely have experience to bring in. But I thought it'd be nice to have a different perspective from someone who is currently single and who can relate to some of you single gals and guys out there who may be struggling right now and trying to figure some things out with dating. So before we get into this episode, I have to let you guys know that there's a little little thing called a tornado. I'm from the great state of Texas. I live in the Tornado Alley or lived there, so I am very familiar with this. But unfortunately, Becca is in the middle of a tornado warning happening right now in the Midwest, and for safety purposes, Becca will not be able to record this episode with me. So please send your thoughts, your prayers to not just Becca and her family, but everybody who is in this affected area right now. Duck and cover. I don't know if you guys had to do that, but being in the Tornado Alley, I'm not trying to make a joke out of this. I'm just truly saying this. If you don't know, I'm sure there's like drills for earthquakes, drills for hurricanes, but in Nano, Ali you have to duck and cover. So you know, if you're in Texas and you're actually in the airports, you'll see tornado shelters, and you like put your hands over your head. My guest is nodding her head like she knows exactly what I'm talking about. Who I'm about to introduce it a second, because because since Becca couldn't join us today, I didn't want to do this episode by myself. I thought, why not phone a friend, right, Like, why couldn't I I'm sorry, it's that dog in the background. Did my guest dog just work in the background? Listen, it's weird to even call you a guest because you're my friend. We met four lovely years ago on Nick Vile season of The Bachelor, and we are so lucky to have Christina Showman step in and help me co host this episode today. Christina, welcome to the show. Thanks rich Oh, thanks for having me. It's that time, I know, right, So it's just weird to talk to Christina in this way because we're friends. So we talk on the phone, we catch up, we got we talk about y'all behind your backs, and now we're being able to coord doing this thing. Yeah, i's but since we don't have a new episode of the Bachelor, Greatest Seasons Ever or The Bachelor, goat whatever you guys are calling it. Christina and I decided we would do something a little different, something fun, and something new, but most importantly, something you guys have been asking for. We told you, Beckham, I tell you, we listened to what you say. We hear it, we see it. We've had some guests on from the show, which was lovely, and now we want to answer some of your questions. So a lot of you guys have been asking us dating questions. You've been writing in and wanting to know all the advice that we have when it comes to dating. And I know some of you are probably thinking, Okay, Rachel, but you haven't dated in like three years. That is true, But don't think that I didn't do my fair share of dating to get to where I am. Now. There's there's I mean, you know I got here. I got to the point that you know, most people are dating are trying to achieve marriage, and through my twenties, I definitely made some mistakes. I also dated thirty plus men on National TV. And if the saying is true, nothing's new under the sun, and the more things change, the more they stay the same, then I definitely think that I would know a thing or two about dating, and so I'm super excited also to have my girl Christina. Yeah, because and I say this proudly, she's single, she's on the dating scene. Not a knock towards you by any means. So you can help with this advice as well, Like you can give a totally different perspective than me, and you can tell me if my thoughts are I think it might be my favorite segment. I've been looking important well, just like from my perspective, I feel like I've been looking forward to something like this to do with someone. So I think this could be really fun. Yeah, that's right, we are. We're gonna have a blast day. So before we jump into it, I know how you're doing, but let's let all our listeners know, like, how have you been, what have you been up to, and of course what's your love life looking like these days? I feel like everyone wants to know that kind of and I don't even know where to start with that. But I've been good. Great, Yes they're technically single, but I am. I guess dating or trying to date as much as you can in this the new normal. But yeah, I've been taking the past couple of months just to focus on myself, do what I like, and just zero in on that, and yeah, exploring other options when it comes to man dating, and yeah, I think that's great. Listen, and I want to know your perspective too about dating in quarantine, because I think that there's a silver lining to that. But again, what is Rachel Now It's been three years, but I just think that it kind of strips away some of the things that you're worried about when you're dating in person and you just do have nothing to do but focus on one another, to really engage in conversation, and it go below the surface, and I think you can tell really quickly if someone's into you, if they're not, or if they're even worth your time or if they're not. So yeah, I'm sure, like we got a bunch of questions here, and I'm sure there's gonna be some questions that touch on that, but if not, I'll just ask you and you answer, because I think it's a very relevant topic. Before we get to answering some of your questions. Though. With Christina, I wanted to answer a question that Becca and I constantly get in our inbox. Okay, for some reason, you guys are always asking us what was our worst dating experience ever? So to get myself back in the mindset of what it's like to date again, the good, oh, the bad, in the ugly. Both Christina and I are gonna go ahead and share each of our personal dating disaster stories. You're not gonna freaking believe my dating story. I don't think I've shared this on the podcast, at least not on this curio. My worst date ever. Okay, I'm trying to go back into let me go back into a time. You know that I'm buried deep. But Christina, I know I have not told you this. So I don't know where I met him. I don't even know where I met this guy. Maybe through mutual friends, maybe at a party, I'm not quite sure. But he was older than me, like seven or eight years older. I was fresh out of law school and oh no, I was about to go to law school, and so I was really in this mindset of I want to date older man because I'm going to law school, so I feel like I need like an older, mature man. So I'm dating Sky hasnt like eight nine years older than me, and we're clicking right, and it's just such a great fun day. We're having this deep conversation, so of course you're like, when a date is good, you want to keep the night going. So we go to dinner and then from there we go to like a bar kind of lounge where we can dance, and it was just like like some smooth R and B. I'm pretty sure there was a live band playing, and he was very smooth, very charming. I'm like, oh my gosh, I get so good used to this. This is so great. So he's like, you want to keep the night going. I'm like sure, like as long as your knights trying to keep the night going in your bedroom, Like, let's just keep the night going. So then he's like, oh, I want to take you to the spot. So I'm like okay. You know, he doesn't say the name of it, but I'm like, oh, it's an adventure. Fine. So he takes me to the spot and it's like really on a really dark street. So mind, this is the first day, so I don't really know him that well, and I'm like okay, and then he's like, oh, here it is, and it's you can see some people outside. There's a light, but the street isn't well lit and there are no signs. So I'm like, oh, like, maybe this is like a secret exclusive club. Like he's older, you know, maybe he's teaching me some things that I don't know. So we go into the club and immediately I knew I had stepped into a place where I immediately wanted to turn around and run out. Why Christina, it was a swingers club. Like, I walk in and I'm like, oh, these people look really friendly, those people on super Friendly. What are they doing behind those cuds over there? Oh? I was mortified. Now, Thank god I didn't say this. I drove, so I followed him, so we weren't in the same car, and I feel like uber wasn't really around it. Anyways. I bounced out of there as quickly as I came and never talked to that guy again, but it makes for a great story years later, A swingers clubs they never heard of such thing. Can you imagine, Like I'm trying to be on the Bachelor and they're like, oh, we did a background check that you used to freak with swingers clubs. Oh my god, top back, Christie. Oh I can't, I can't. I'm just wondering, like, what what did you give him for him? To feel comfortable to take swingers. These are the right questions, These are what I should have been asking. Whatever I said, I thought the day was going one way and he thought it was going another way. Yeah, so um, I nipped that in the bud real quick. I have so many follow up questions, like when did you did you all stay to? Should you explain why you bounce? Did you like ghosted him? Did you ironically I'm ghosted him? Ironically? He never heard from Rights again, and I'm sure he just stayed at the club, right Like, I'm sure he just stayed and joined somebody else's group or found somebody for himself. Yeah. Probably never. I never saw him again. I'm going to have follow up questions probably after this, because there's got to be more to the story. Um yeah, I cannot follow up to that, but I do remember. It was probably like a year and a half ago. It's my first move to California. It's in a couple of months and I meet the Sky and we just click and he wants to take me out on a date. So I'm like, okay, I'll go like, um, oh, oh, what is it? Roden my horizons? I don't know, just like over to dating now. So we're going a date. It goes fairly well. I'm thinking, like, you know, maybe i'll see him again, but if he doesn't like reach out again, I'm totally fine with that too. Well, he decides to ask me on another date, and I was like, okay, fine. It was kind of on the spot, so I was like, okay, fine, I'll go. And then he follows up and I'm okay, I'm busy. Follows up again. Hey, I'm busy. Get the hint. He decides to Anyway, then we'll go to a couple of same events. We keep bumping into each other and I was like, ah, damn, I guess I gotta go on this date with him. So we're in the have scheduling a date, and we go. I'm in LA. Traffic is crazy. I'm just learning all about it. Anyway, I show up to a date a little bit late, but I told him like, hey, I'm running late. We sit down. It's like a restaurant here in LA where you have probably like a three or a five course meal. It's sushi, okay, so fancy Okay, well okay, I don't know if I should say fancy, but it's a sugar fish, so you can choose your menu. Um, and I think we had like five five rolls come out, and I was like, oh damn, this might take a while. So I sit down. I'm like flustered because I've just been in a rush and I hate being late. So he goes like riches over grass my hand. I'm sitting kind of like this, and I like cringe. I'm like, don't touch me, just because of like over Also, I know who you're talking about, do you? Why not? I'm thinking somebody else? We go ahead. I think I would be if I've never told him about this, but if he is listening, I'll be mortifying. Long story short, it's this meal is probably supposed to take easily an hour and a half. I think I was out of there in maybe forty minutes because he was trying to make a conversation. Then he tried to say he was like, your eyelash is real. I was like, I gotta go, I I gotta At that point, I'm like, ask me about the weather, asked me about anything. Are your eyelashes real? No? No, that's the third fourth day question. Don't get all into itet with me like that, right, And then so I decided to like, okay, time to go. Hey, I have stuff to do. He decides to walk me out, and I'm like, okay, that's the gentleman thing to do. My car is like this way. He's trying to like body like push me and nudge me towards this sound and where you can throw in coins. I was like, I'm not about it. I'm like, my car is that way. Thank you for dinner, I'm out. And then I just if you see uncomfortable. Unfortunately, I've seen him multiple times since then. Well you know what, you try, it just didn't work. I hear dating in la is really tough anyway, So I'm sure unfortunately, that probably won't be the last of your stories. Well, I'm gonna set me back a little bit, just because I don't like to go on first dates to begin with, Like you, I like to meet people through mutual friends and maybe already know them from being in uh group settings, but their first like, hey, we're meeting for the first time. We talked just a tad bid here and there. It's just awkward for me. See, I love it, excuse me, loved past tense. I loved I was a serial dater. I loved it. Tell me who you are, where you've been, where you come from, Let me fill your energy, let me get this free meal, let me go like, yeah, you know me. It's so, it's so. I mean, it's true. It's true, especially when I was in law school and I had those you know, law school loans. Listen, you want to take you want to take me out? Right? I'm gay, No, it is, there's just I just love. You're either serial date or you're not. I loved it. I loved meeting people, love them and leave them, you know, two date max, and then I'm done. Yeah. I used to think, like I will start doing like I would do two dates just because I know me, and in the beginning I would be shy. I would be like the listener and just not putting my best foot forward on first dates just because again I don't think they get to know me for me, because I'm just a quiet and sitting there. So that's why I used to give guys two dates because maybe they're shy or they're talking because they're nervous. So and it just did not work though way, So now let me think of something else. So you have a two date rule. I used to now it's one and out. I'm like, what about a kissing rule? I because because I actually have a like a three time kissing rule, because I feel like the first time you might be And this really applied on The Bachelor as on the Bachelorette. You know, like the first time you're like, oh, they might be a little nerves this. The second time you're like, oh it's a little awkward. There's a camera person and a sound guy right here. But like, if I can't rehabilitate you by the third kiss, you're done. No one time, one time Christie. It's just you either feel the chemistry or you don't. They're either a good kid. It doesn't it can't be a peck like no, Like it has to be like a little bit maybe not the first day either. Look, it has to be like longer than a peg, but not like a full on makeout. You can be you can kiss well with it, you can tell, But I I like to, you know, like I had to rehabilitate some people, and then there's just some people. There's just there's a there's a whole you need to go find another bad kisser with you. I think that Look, um, yeah, I'm the person too. I'm like, this just doesn't work for me. But it's like you're open to like learning, Okay, sure, exactly exactly three times? Three times, ladies okay or somewhere in between. Christine's this one, I say three, so two two times? They can't get cut it after that let them go. Um oh so if you re mind say that if it's terrible the first time, but they have an awesome personality and make sense of humor, a thing that would play into me being enjoying the kids the second time better, just because maybe I'm more attracted to them them, that's what you're thinking. Okay, Christina and I we could keep going with that is a blast from the past. And now I feel like I'd like, you know, like, what's the what's the I'd like dusted off the I can't think of the saying you know what I'm saying. Anyways, I feel like I'm back in the game now, like my you're like my dating hat is on having to relive that terrible moment where I mean, geez, it just really could have gone the wrong way. Um, and you talk talking about this this guy who you just dumped at a sugarfish he's probably still sitting there somewhere. So we feel like now we're ready to give some advice to you. Guys. I'm sure you have your own terrible stories as well, but listen, if you can go from the swingers club to the married club like I did, there's home for you to Okay, So here's the first question. This is from a listener. During quarantine, I found it impossible to meet someone news, so I've gone back with an old fleeing that I know I have no future with, but I enjoy the company. Is this a mistake, Christina? What do you think? I think it is. I've been in those exact same shoes, and I was just with him because out of boredom. But now just be open. You're closing yourself off to new potentials the Worster time, right. I mean, you're using him, That's just what I'm gonna say. You're using him for whatever reason it may be for the company, for the physical part, whatever. I get it. It's hard. Quarantine is hard. No intimacy, a lot of them, you know, if you're not living with someone, no intimacy, no social interaction or human interaction. It's I mean, assuming that you're doing things in a responsible way, and it can be really hard. So I can understand the temptation to want to go back to that old thing. But if you know that you don't have a future, you're really you really are using this guy, and you're wasting each other's time. Because if this guy is really into you but you know there's no future, is that fair to them? And also is it fair to you? You're cutting yourself off from so many other people just because we're in quarantine. I'm pretty sure you can still swipe right or left. I'm sure you can click on a zoom meeting, and I'm sure that you know there are other ways to virtually connect with people. You know, you can slide in the DMS whatever. So I just like one thing I feel like I did in my twenties with dating has wasted my time on people and when I knew I was, and that's not beneficial for any party. But I do understand the temptation. Okay, yeah, don't work. You're done here is this tund You're focus on yourself? I mean, there's nothing there, don't lan don't do it? Yeah, okay, number two. Question number two Opinions on dating older man Okay, Flip's hair back. I'm twenty four years old and dating a thirty six year old. It feels right to me, but I'm scared of my family's reaction. Why why, I mean, is that not your first soccer Sya, I'm like thirty six, twenty four. To me, this sounds very compatible. It's not like you said, he's seventy six in your twenty four. That's something to be a little scared of, but more his family than yours. I don't see a problem with dating somebody twelve years older than you. I think that it depends what age you are, right, Like if she was sixteen and he was twenty eight, then we have an issue here, right, you know, like twenty four thirty six. I don't know why your family would have such a huge reaction, you know, I mean possible, I mean, it's possible whenever I still lived in Kentucky. I think I said that funny. When I still lived in Kentucky. It's the considered the stubwa of the southernstead state, Midwest, or whatever you want to call it. Whenever I got on a Bachelor I was twenty four. Nick was thirty six, So it's yes, So it was a little weird, I think for my parents to be like, like, are you sure? Are you ready? And I always consider myself a little bit. I hung out with the older crowd that just more mature for my age, and being in the South, it's like everyone already gets together in their early to mid twenties and then families by late twenties. So I think there's absolutely nothing wrong with dating somebody older than you. I mean I can easily count five of my friends that are currently and older relationships, So nothing nothing wrong with that. So wait, did your family have a reaction because Nick was twelve years older than you were? Because you went on National TV to find a boy? Which one was it? Fiance? Easy? Yeah, to whold different things, but probably both. I mean my siblings are in there would mid thirties at the time, so it's like I can see why they would be hesitant. I mean whenever starting to date date Nick, I still lived in my college apartment that I got in college. I mean I was better off. I was already starting off with my career and all of these things, and I thought genuinely I was ready for like that, that's next step. I'm engagement in marriage but then it's like I moved to California. I was like, there's so much more to just see today, to get to know. And yeah, it depends where you are in life. I bet the thirty six year olds in la I seem a lot younger then thirty six year old in Kentucky. Here's my advice to you. I would say, don't lead with the age first. You know, if this is a great guy and you see some future with him, then lead with all why he's so great to you, you know, like, let's exclude age, talk about why you guys are compatible, why you know you see a future with him, how he treats you and respects you, and then you slide the age in there, you know, just like talking oh yeah, you know, you know, like he's thirty six, and but you know he's he's got a great job. Whatever, however you do it, however you do it. I don't think that that's that big of a deal. I think that's the least of your concerns in twelve years with at that with that age, at that age, isn't that big of a deal. And I think your parents will support you. They see like their relationship and that you two are good for each other, so exactly, don't worry exactly, Yeah girl, he or she, I don't think this is what you do, um, but if it is a he writing in that question and shout out to the cougar who's got herself be younger man. Okay, next question, I've been having the worst luck with dating. How do I keep my head up when I'm not meeting anyone? Christina, I'll let you answer this one. Have been in those shoes too, and that's for longer a period of time. I think, just focus on yourself. I know I keep going back to that, but that's the best thing you can do. The more you know your likes, dislikes, your hobbies and interest you will find somebody along with those two. So don't just pick and choose because you're bored. Yeah, I mean it's pretty simple. I'd say, don't get discouraged like and I think I think you're giving great advice too, because one thing about quarantine, even though it can be really hard and you can get bored and it can be frustrating, is that we do have this time to focus on ourselves and what it is we really want in life. I will say that That's what was beautiful about The Bachelor is that you are in that bubble and you are stripped from TV and internet and music and just all communication your phone communication from the outside world. So even though you're around people, you are quarantine with these people. And I know you can agree, Christina, you do learn so much about yourself and what you want for yourself coming out of it, and so I feel like if you have that first, then you'll attract what you need as well. You know, And don't worry about so focusing so much on meeting someone. I think, I think, I know. I used to be in that state too, where I was so focused on meeting someone and afraid to end a toxic relationship because I was fearful at starting over And how will I meet somebody again when I put so many years and so much time into this. Don't worry about that. When it comes, it will come to you. It will be ready for you. You just have to be open to see it. Love yourself first, and everyone else will love you too. It's so simple, but it's so true. It's so true. Okay, I just I just saw a sneak being to the next question. Okay, ready, are you ready for this. I'm in love with two amazing guys. Uh is this a former bachelorette bachelor? Like, what's what's happening? And that was your question. I'm in love with two amazing guys. I dated Guy One until he had to go overseas, which is when I met my current boyfriend, Guy Too. Recently, Guy one returned and reached out to me. Although I am in a relationship with Guy Too, who is also amazing, I can't seem to get Guy one out of my head. Guy one is my fantasy and Guy Too is my reality. What do I do? First of all, I just want to say, you make a fantastic bachelorette. Okay, you get you, you fall along easily, you fantasize, you have that struggle between reality and fantasy. Signed this woman, fire and center up. But we're like, yeah, perfect, Okay. I can only speak from experience on this. I'm like, as I like, get serious. So I think a lot of times when and I'll speak from bachelor bachelorette, A lot of times you see relationships that don't work because people get caught up in the fantasy of the relationship rather than focusing on what makes sense. In the real world, and it's easy to fall in love with a lot of people when all you are fantasizing and focused on that. But that's what it is. It's a fantasy, it's not real life. So you have to strip yourself from that and objectively look at the relationships and say who makes sense for me? Who can I see a future with, Who meshes with my life, my family, my friends, Who has the same morals and values as me? And that's when you make the decision that you want. I don't fault you for falling for two guys, there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but you can't. It's not fair to them, or are you in the long run to date both of them. So at the end of the day, you have to ask yourself those questions. And it sounds like you've already answered it by deeming one guy a fantasy and one guy a reality. I think you know what you need to do here. It's a tough one. I mean, just did anything go wrong with the guy that left to go overseas If they had a wonderful relationship, maybe they could have worked through while he was gone, Or she might be also in a different place now than she was whether it was a couple of years ago or a couple of months. It's very tough, but center yourself and figure it out. What is that you want to send? Yeah, it's morals would compliment your life. And you bring up a good point too, Why did he go overseas he left? You? Can we just pause there? Well, maybe maybe it was for what is it their army or whatnot, So maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe, Tony, maybe it was worked fully understand but people do long distance relationships and y'all chose to separate. So at that point he had he was taking a risk that you're an amazing person and you might meet another person who recognizes that, which you Yeah, and so this guy guy too, he hasn't left you. He seems appreciate. I mean, let's just let me just put it here. It's a great problem to have. It sounds like it's two amazing men who are both into you. I mean, you can't lose here at the end of the day. Yes, somebody will be hurt, and that's always tough, especially when you care about people, But you girl are gonna come out thriving. Sounds like one apparently the other one will always come back. And if it doesn't work with one, set that amazing guy up with one of your single friends or somebody else you know, like, let him win too if he's a good one. Good guys are hard to find. Good women are hard to find too, Good people are hard to find. A just play it all out there? Very true? Um? Okay, next question, I am thirty eight years old and divorced. When do you think it is appropriate to tell that to someone I'm dating? I definitely am I paying it on this, Christina? What do you think? I just think. I mean, that's a tough one. Just um, how are you drinking wine? No? Datter now? Normally? Now? Normally I do drink wine. Um, and I probably will have to Chris water, Hi, drink first. I'm just finding myself time here. If you have an opinion on this, I think, I mean, if you're dating, I think there won't be a time. But it's not necessary to say the first date. If a guy's interested in you, he'll keep asking you on a date a date after data. If you tell him and he likes you. I don't think that's going to matter too much at all. I don't think. I don't think it should Well, maybe that's my perspective first only, I don't think if it should matter if you really are into someone and want to see a future with them, when you have a future with them, Yeah, if you're right, Christina, if they like you, they like you. So you're thirty eight and you're divorced, big whoop. I don't think that those are dealbreakers out of all. Like I think there was a time where it was like taboo. Maybe, but these days, you're thirty eight years young, I might ask, Okay, I'm right there with you, I'm right around that age, and yes, and divorced. Okay, so what Like, you fell in love, you got married, you were committed to someone, and for one reason or another it didn't work out. That shouldn't be a stain on your record. That shouldn't be a knock against you. And I think that maybe you don't get into the full details as to why the divorce happened. Maybe that could be a bit heavy for a first day. But you saying that you're thirty eight, thirty eight and proud of bet you don't look thirty eight. Bet you don't look at it all. And then and then you give them the opportunity to say that thirty eight, Oh my gosh, you don't look a day over twenty eight on a point right, yut it over that. But no, honestly, I think that I think that there's something beautiful about being forthcoming. But I think that there's also a balance to not be too heavy. Say you got divorced and it didn't work out, and leave it there, and if the relationship continues, then you can get into the nitty gritty of why that divorce happened, and just divorce happened and move on. Next, next crush, next crush. You would think I was drinking wine, right, okay, and I know you were. You were looking for an excuse. You were like, wait a second, is that a glass of wine? Let me join because you know you're by your wine's drinking buddy. Yeah, now this is this? Really is water? Wow? Here? So much? Go ahead? Um okay, next question. Have either of you ever used dating apps? And do you have advice for people who are I will tell you right now, I've never used dating app. I went straight from meeting people the old fashioned way to meeting them on reality TV, which is me, which is me in real life. There's no in between you know what I mean, like, yeah, I'm here or here hey we I well, yeah it worked, it worked for me, so i'll you you you're the expert on dating apps. What's that if it doesn't work on dating apps? Going to reality TV? Or am I not? In my case? Um? No, So I've signed up on dating apps, but I've never like really used it, not even like a swipe. I take my friend's phone for them. No, I'm not. Um, my name might be on one, but I'm never on it, So don't try to match with you. And I thought that you did dating apps for some reason, so I find out you can get on it anyway. I wait, what's that secret dating app? It's not really a secret anymore because everybody ya riya? Were you? Ya? No? I tried to stign up for it and they're not accepting me. So I'm like, cool, guys, But I think it was I think it's honest, it's I think it's lost its bizzazz. I really don't care. I feel like my Instagram works with mine. There you gotta you want to hit up Christ of those dams, so you would you right answer? So would you say that that's a good way then to meet people because shout out to Vanessa Grimaldi who just announced her engagement. She looks, Okay, I'm gonna take a little bit of a detour, you guys, So shout out of Vanessa. She just got engaged. So happy for her. And I literally, maybe five hours before she posted it, I was watching her stories and it wasn't her engagement stories, and I was like, gosh, Vanessa just seems so happy over the moon. The happiness was jumping through the phone that I couldn't pass through her story without writing her, Like I was so compelled by it that I wrote her and I said, your happiness is contagious, like you just seem so happy. I'm very happy for you. And in four hours later she posted she was engaged. I said, Vanessa, am I a witch? I said, Did I know that this was gonna harun? She was like, hello, all things magic. So I hope that you are, and if you are, I love that any more. No, seriously, but I okay, coming back to what I was saying. The reason I said that it took that detour with Vanessa and we want to congratulate her, and we were so happy for her here on Bachelor Happy hour is because I believe her now fiance slid in her DMS. Yeah, and that is how they met. So Christina, please it sounds like this is this is the way you do it. Well, I think it's way to kind of filter out too, because like when you get messages, have a couple of conversations back and forth and it's like not vibing, and it's not like I have to keep talking to them, but if there is and it's nice, I'll continue on and then it goes to the phone number. But I will say I don't think there's anything against dating apps at all. I think it can really work also, like just in higher quantity. But I do personally still believe in traditional like friends introducing friends, and especially I think in my circle majority of them are in already like relationships that are going to go to engagements in marriages, so I trust that they will set me up with somebody who is also ready. Yeah. I think the ideal way is to be introduced through friends you know, or meet it like a friends party someone. That's definitely the ideal way. Brian was a frequent dating app user prior to me because he worked all day so he was always at work and just a clients. So the best way for him to meet someone was through a dating half. Um. Yeah. Like frequently someone's like really and he's like, oh yeah. And there's a fake user out there now who pretends to be Brian all the time. Because people always write us about it, I have to ask you this, Christina, Oh dear, who is the most exciting person to slide into your DMS? Huh huh? I know. No, there have been some good ones, there's real Yeah, there's been a couple, but it's just like it tested out you, Um, no names, no names? Okay, did they if they had one hand in their pocket? Would the other one be dribbling a ball, throwing throwing a ball or singing a song? Um or acting? There's tells on herself or thank you or um? Yeah, I mean all of them solved. Chris Data's d ams are popping. You heard it here. First we'll have another conversation because yeah, I only know a couple of people, and I got to know more. Okay, they'll just make me nervous a little bit, like if I am looking for something more stable. It's sometimes at leastes are not known to have the best reputation, So they're not. That was definitely a twenties period for me, and they're not. I remember I specifically said on the Bachelorette, do not give me any athletes, and they gave me Kenny, a wrestler, and I was like, okay, I can take a wrestler. Yeah, I didn't want Yeah, I didn't any any of the others. Um, okay, so you heard it there. For whoever had that question, try the DM as well. It seems to work. Our girl Vanessa just got engaged. And I feel like there's somebody else. Um, dich Nick, Jonas and Preanca didn't didn't somebody s somebody's dmc guys, this is the way to go. Okay, I can't guarantee you your dms will be as popping as Christina's, but they still might pop. They're not. I cannot wait for this conversation. Okay, how do you navigate first dates while social distancing? This is a very relevant question. How do you I do a hike? I mean, hikes are super easy. Oh that's so wait is that? I'm sorry? Did the other day you post a picture of a shadow of a man on a hike? That's just a friend. Everyone that's a friend. Did Yeah, I did. Yes. I was like not to ask, like what kind of friend is Rachel? She's over because I need to ask you that. I mean to dmu when I saw that, Okay, so I do what I was like, fact what I was getting into before. So it's like, I mean, I felt like it was an attractive shadow. I don't know, it looked looked attractive. I think there's so many people also, like I think I probably never meet anyone. It's just I like to date in private. It's not everyone. I'm Danny. I'm going to vote on my social media. That's just weird, not even like three four months and so like, give it time. I just wanted to smart girl. Okay, yeah, that's a great idea. Walks hikes pretty easy, right, I think just you get to I mean, you can sit down and get a coffee. Honestly a little bit apart, but there's nothing wrong with doing something that's physically musn't. Hikes is great. Pis is actually a really great Like I feel like Brian and I should go on a hiking date that's actually really hike sunset to make it a little bit more romantic or during the day, it's whatever float about. I really liked that idea. That's great advice. Okay, during COVID is it okay to kiss on the first day? I don't even do that on the regular like the first date to be deal with? Not really, I guess I'm such a kisser. Um, okay, how long? But then how many dates? How many dates do you wait till after they get a COVID test? And then how do you what? How do you know? Do you do you show them the results? It's almost like being intimate with someone. You technically don't ask people, um, have you been tested? And even if you do ask, you're taking their word for it. You know, you don't necessarily say pull out the test. Oh my gosh, I'm just realizing this. This is this is important you guys. Also goes for being intimate with your partner. So what do you do? I think, I like, I need to see those papers? Where where's your where are your COVID papers? And they can like I guess it's like you're supposed to trust them to say, tell the truth, but then you're like, show me the papers. Yeah, Like, I don't know you it's it's it's the first day the second day, right, So this is what I'm telling you, like maybe going a couple of days, get to know each other. So that was like, uh, yeah, I truse this person. So yeah, and then if the problem with it, if they yeah, I kiss them. That's still close, Like yeah, like forehead, here, my forearm, kiss me on my forearm, I feel like. And if the person has a problem with it, then you know that that's not the person you want to deal with. Okay, So so you got a problem with with being responsible with COVID. Okay, you're not my type anyway. Thank you, Thank you, you're one of those. Next question, is it I think we knows it's it's not okay? Yeah? Is it okay? Not? Not? Not without dating? So keep your papers in your pocket. Um, you can get yours to whip it out on the spot and see your favorites. Is it necessary to tell a guy that you are a version right away? No? None of his business right away. No, look at your thing again. I cannot emphasize this enough. It's just get to know the person. I feel like I was in a position speaking from personal experience, and now like I'm coming to a point where I'm realizing like they don't have to know everything off the bad like lift some mystery, get to know each other and it's sometimes it's you in thus three four days and it just not there. It doesn't work. The excitement was there in the beginning, so you think that's slightly they want, but it's not. Just yeah, just get to know them a lot of it, right, don't tell all your business, all right, don't tell all your business on the first day. You don't need to lead with the fact that you're a version. That's that's to me, that's something that's very personal because usually people are versions for a reason, and it's a personal reason, whatever your journey, whether it be religious, whether it be you know, for health reasons, whether it just be something a personal decision that you have decided to make. So I don't think that you need to just give all that information away right away. Right. This isn't The Bachelor, This isn't like first day, second day, which I still personally, if you want me to be honest, don't think that that is something that needs to be shared. That shouldn't be your story and it shouldn't define you. And that hasn't just happened to one person. It's happened to multiple people. Why do you want to be defined as the virgin or the person who's never been kissed or something like that, Like isn't there more to you? Like I just if you know that there's going to be a storyline attached to you, why would you want to lead with the virgin? It's like a hard thing to shake, you know what I mean? It's hard? Yeah, Like, keep keep some things to yourself. Stop telling everybody everything. You know something sacred. Your virginity is sacred there, you know what I mean? Like you kept it this long? Whyt's you keep it as a secret as well? Not a secret, but just not right away? And also like all right when they got through the time if there's some involved, and be a little bit transparent, like okay, I'm not ready for the best for the end if there's move but still you don't have to say like exactly why you're not ready? Right? Right? And I'm not telling you to not be proud of it. It's just like right, you don't have to lead with it. Um, okay, expect What are the best questions to ask on a first date? Are you a virgin? Wow? No, that's that's that's awful. Anybody who says that you on the first day just get up and walk out. Don't say another word after that. Right, the best questions to ask our first day, I think, what's your credit score? Okay, not on the first date, I'm good. Where are your papers? Where are the papers for the papers? No, I would say first day. There's so much you can ask on a first date. Because this is why I love them so much exactly. I feel like this is more your thing. Yeah, like you, there's so much to explore. You don't know anything about this person unless you were set up, but still you only know what someone else has told you. So this person is a blank slate and you get to I don't know color in that slate based on the questions that you ask and how they answer it. That's how I look at it. So I just like, it's just so exciting to me today, do you miss No, I don't. I happy to not be in the wilderness anymore. But that is how I look at it, and I think that that's a positive, exciting way to go into it. So the first questions I guess or best questions to ask are I want to know what makes this person tick and you can go like their questions to ask it are too deep with that, But I would just say, like what do you like to do for fun? Rather than where do you work? Because that can be a turnoff question because people might think that you're just into what type of job they have or their status, Like what do you do for five what puts a smile on your face? What are your hobbies? Um? I even like to ask where you're from, because you know, depending on where people are from, there's certain things that you can ask about that, Like I try to connect with you based on some of the things that you're telling me, your interests, where you're from, what you like to do? Um? Yeah, to me, those are the best, not like interview style questions. Yeah, where do you see yourself in five years? I don't know where I see myself tomorrow. Please don't ask me that question. To I like to ask questions maybe something to do with travel, too, because that kind of sets them. I guess mine to like exciting, something to look forward to, where you want to go do something like uplift thing. If you ask somebody about a job like you mentioned, maybe it's the status, maybe whatever it is. But sometimes if they don't have a good they don't like their job, it puts them in a mindset of like, oh I gotta talk about my job. So that kind of stammers are on a day too. But like get the lighthearted think of uplifting questions more so. I yeah, no, you're absolutely right now, I love to travel one that's too. And then if they're not traveled, then the question like while traveling, would you want to go anywhere? Yeah? Where would you go? Like I I just think that that's actually probably the best question because I think it'll say a lot because then there's a lot of follow up questions, right, I want to ask them there's a lawyer me. You want to ask open ended questions that they can't say yes or no too. It's they have to, you know, elaborate on what it is that you're asking, and then you can fault why that place? You know, what would you do there? But yeah, there's just so much. Sometimes it could read too like samorary ties and like oh my yeah, soul made it. Follow up questions open it? Yeah, absolutely completely. This is a top question. What is a good outfit for a first day? I love it? Oh, I love all means what go ahead? What's a good outfit? I personally like, I guess it depends again, if you're doing dinner, are you doing drinks? Are you going doing coffee? But my basic one has been like it's either I'm like literally looking at my clothing rack right now, it's how fancy the restaurant is. If it's like somewhat cute, casual, I will say a black pair of jeans pants I always wear heels like swimming swimming, and maybe look at basic talk cute. If you want to show a little bit of your personality and that you're GIRLI maybe like a blouse that has maybe a small print flowers on it, don't I shouldn't say going like in the past, also personal experience, I've worn very basic tops but they were a little bit lower cut, and I think it's sent the wrong message. Okay, which I'm like, I'm still looking pretty like she cute, but like the one we're top, I think it was just not that I have much to show you guys, but it's still kind of I think pretty their own seed. But anyway, yeah, pretty basic, um, not too much. But it's like you having dinner, but maybe you'll be able to go to a bar afterwards for another drink. Swingers, So it's like you want to dress to almost like be able to do anything very good at guys, you can't go wrong with black chains, right, They're slimming, it's sleek. They go with everything into heels, yeah, and heels on I or I would even like the high lows, like okay, maybe you wear a skirt, not too sure, but then a more a top that isn't low cut, so it's like a high eno like oh I'm showing legs, but then I'm not giving you the chest um. I like. I like the black jeans though, that's a really good staple. Yeah, everybody looks good in black chains. And also maybe a little bit like more natural and not come I'm I know, I'm like stumbling over my words just because I've had the trial and eron many times and going a little bit more natural so that way the next time they see you and you doll up a little bit more, they'll be like, oh wow, like that's smart. I know. First impressions are everything and whatnot, so like make an impression with your personality whatnot draw them in and then sure, why I'm banging on the second ding great advice Christina smoking like a true expert in the beginning of dating. How can you tell if a man wants to be with you long term? What are some of the signs? None? Really sorry, this is like correct you just you. I mean you either feel it or they feeling so guys again, personal experiences. That's why I'm able to give the advice. So hopefully that help. Um, they can be really into you, but they're putting on the front. So just like you think, oh my gosh, yes they weren't to be with me, they're asking all these questions and then afterwards that will even or even during your day, they'll almost like plan into a head like all next time, or let's go hiking, or next time, let's check out this bar, and you're thinking, oh, there weren't to be with me lung term, but they never follow up. So it happens. Just be president in the moment and don't find a don't project into the future like all next time we're doing this, take the moment as it is and enjoy it. And if there's a follow up, you're right, you are so right. You don't know. You don't know, because the men will tell you what you want to hear. Women to women to men lie, women lie. It goes both ways. I don't want to stereotype. Um, it's it's hard to tell if you're dating someone and and you know, if they want to be with you long term, I would say more so, pay attention to what he doesn't do you know that will give you signs that he's just not that into you. It shouldn't be that difficult. You shouldn't be forcing him to spend time with you or to contact you. Men are very simple. If they want to hit you up and contact you, they will. Period. If you're having to ask or you're wandering, they're probably not that into you. Also, if they want to date you privately and they don't want to bring you around their friends, or they just want to give it at home, those are signs that it's not long term. You are for now, you are for a private I think it's more paying attention to what they're not telling you than what they are, because honestly, as women, we try to make excuses and we try to say, oh, he's just busy, Oh he had to work. Oh no, oh he's just not that into you. Period. It's very very simple with men, Stop making excuses for them, stop trying to figure the figure it out. I promise you if you read the writing on the wall, it will tell you exactly what you need to know. Make sure they're consistent with their awards and actions, and usually actions do speak louder than words. That's we all know. I promise exactly. No, no, very very true. Here's another question. If you're just getting to know someone, how do you address an issue best without starting an argument? What's the issue? Well, that's true, okay, so that look communication right like right, like figuring out what the issue is. I would say. What not to do is say I'll tell you what i'd like to do, I need to talk to you, or I got something, you know what I mean? Like you already put the person on edge like they're trying to figure out what they did. It's just a little tense. Just I think the best way to address an issue without starting an argument is just to address it head on. Don't beat around the bush, don't try to catch them in anything. Just address the issue, like, hey, it really bothered me when you know you didn't you didn't write me back the other day or whatever it is, or it really bothered me when you said this, and let me tell you why it bothered me. Be in a calm voice. Don't interrupt the person while they're doing something, while they're busy. But I personally hate when people are like I got to talk to you about something later or you know what I mean, like that type of thing, because then I'm like, well, just tell me what did I do? You know? Don't make me stew don't make me wonder all day. I get to the point. I also would almost suggest whenever there is an issue, focus more on from your perspective, like I feel this way, I perceived it this way, instead of like, oh you did this because and it comes off like aggressive and like it's all on them all the way, on them and whatnot. Just focus on you and because they'll end up respecting you more for sharing your feelings and being vulnerable, if that makes sense. Very good, very good. No name calling, no curse words. People can't hear you when you do those type of things. Also, tone tone is a thing with me, like I have to like take a couple of deep breaths in and out and say, okay, I feel like we do, but I can't help it. I can't help it, like the Russian the like the sarcasm doesn't translate though it's nothing. So here's a hend written node and then they misinterpreted to so listen, we're not perfectly okay, we're just simply telling you what you should do, not what we actually do. Good, right, you know, as they say, not as I do. That's it. Okay, Okay, here's a good one. What are some good what are some go two ways to flirt via text and in person? Her emojis are creative for a reason. Oh, emojis, that's alirty? M h. What about this? Sorry? What about gifts or jifts? What do you call them? Gifts or gifts? Oh? God, I just dated myself. What do you do about them? Gifts? A gift? Just I think gifts jeffs can say a lot about a person in their sense of humor. So yes, if you can use them appropriately, you go for it. See this, it's that's almost like cheap flirting. Like back in the day, you didn't have emojis or right jifts as the kids call them, to flirt with people. It was like you had to be creative with your words, you know, or maybe send a picture a tasteful picture, I might add, Okay, not bad um there, yeah, like it's that's your right that I guess emojis are because I guess that is brandon a communicate that way too. Okay, But what about a person there's no picture, there's no emoji. What do you do? I'm not sure, but I think I'm doing something rights on this, but I don't know exactly what I'm doing. Um, I think what I've noticed that may work. Certain things that you can do yourself, and you know, you can let the other your significant other or something feel like they have to do it for you. But that way they feel needed and valued and like wanting. Like if you left the jacket, you can carry your own jacket, but like leave it on purpose, walk away and be like, oh should my jacket? Will be like I'll get it for you. Christie with the game. Yes, I'm like, I don't know like or else. I'm trying to think, um, are you? Are you? I'm a touchy feeling person, so I feel I like think a simple way to flirt is like a soft caress. So if they laugh, like maybe likes put their hand, put your hand, like laugh and touch their you know, chest or shoulder or maybe their legs very very quickly, but just like very engage. It's like a very engaging thing. It's it's almost a little bit endearing and men love that or like, oh she's into me, Oh she thinks I'm funny, you know, even with the eyes like the slight smile lack of a bit of a smile, wasn't and and laugh not cackle? Okay, like don't don't throw your head back, because that's how I don't. Don't throw your head back and that where we're amongst friends here. Don't I laugh like that all the time. It is not cute, it is not sexy. Don't do that just like a little like a like a coy little something little playful. I do agree. I agree with the touching clear, but I was, I guess hesitant to said now during this time, like how much cheching can be done. But they're arts like the back here, the four arm do one of these, I mean very gently, but you don't want to like it's been anyway. Can I tell you what's not cute? Ladies, listen hear me out on this. Do not smile with your tongue in between your teeth. I'm like like they stick their tongue out and like, you know what I'm saying, just go scroll through Instagram and and look at people like they like stick their tongue out and smile through their teeth. I'm not doing a very good job at it. I'm not good at it. And I'm not saying it because I'm not good at it. I just like, I don't think that's cute. I think I don't really think that. I wouldn't really think of a picture right now, and I'm like, I probably did that. It's not cute. It's no, not not like sticking your tongue out and like the pizza and not like the Instagram post. Just like people do that, they do like they stick that they think it's cute. I see it on the Bachelor. I see it on the Bachelorette. I see it's not cute. Right, just smile, just smile blow little yeah teeth or no teeth. That's all. No time, no time hold that learning gosh, I haven't had to flote him so long. I feel like, right, I don't flirt anymore. You flirt with her husband? Can you have her at her husband? Yes? You can? Oh gosh, well that's what I feel bad. I'm like, when this is over, Worth, let me go flirt with Brian. He'll be like, what are you doing, bro, I'm gonna go smile at him with my tongue into bat. Oh you record the reaction, please? Okay? Do you think it's healthy to leave doors open after a breakup? I tend to shut it first to kind of give myself somewhere on the healing time process, and then I'll reopened the door just because, like, I don't want to hold any resentment. Just because things didn't end the way that I anticipated them too doesn't mean that we can be on good terms. But I think it's healthy and in your best interest to close the door first until you stabilize yourself and get to a point where you're okay to reopen it, but don't reopen it with intention to like date again. Just like a friends, do not harbor any that feelings. That's my take a perfect advice. I wouldn't even say anything to it. I will just say from personal experience, like just like telling a story when I got out of like a really long relationship, I would bury my feelings or what I was going through in another relationship, not even in a relationship, just in dating, just to try to feel that void that I lost in a last relationship until it was just too much for me and I was just like losing myself in dating all these people. I wasn't happy because I wasn't dealing with how I ill. So what Christina is saying is so on par You've got to make sure you're okay. You can't be ready for the next person until you're okay yourself, and disguising it by dating other people or partyings. That's what I would do. It's just it's honestly unhealthy for you personally and just unhealthy for the next person that you're trying to be in a relationship with. Last question, and I think this is a good one. How do you put yourself out there more? Oh, it's a question for me. Just eat either one whoever wants to take it. Um. I think what I've I think personally noticed that if you're out going out, whether it's to dinner with your friends or getting drinks, and you're genuinely happy to be in the setting with all your girlfriends and whatnot, or just your friends, somebody who is interested and is also I was kind of looking they'll notice you shine and they'll I think they'll gravitate towards you, so a little bit putting yourself out there like that. But maybe I'm not the right person for this to us this. No, you're the perfect person. I don't think that you should focus on necessarily putting yourself out there. I just think that you should focus on being the best version of yourself, and I truly believe that then you will attract what is necessary for you. I think a lot of times we get caught up in what we don't have and what we want for ourselves, and we look at the things that we want and what we don't have that we want, if that makes sense, and so I think that rather than putting so much focus on that, it's just more important to just be you, like, get yourself right, and eventually those things will come. It's like we want things when we want them. But patience is really really key when it comes to this. I know, for me and for myself, I had a life plan like all Aneagram eights do for themselves, and I was supposed to be I'm thirty five, so according to my life plan, I should already be. I sho already have three kids, or should be pregnant with my third kid, and I'm married without kids right now. But I'm glad that things happen as they should because now I'm with the person that I want to be with, doing what I want to do. Even if I didn't it didn't go according to the life plan that I had originally planned for myself. So, you know, put yourself out there as far as obviously getting yourself right, but then also just you know, if the question is more how do you put yourself out there more? Like, you know, maybe you're an introvert and you want to do things that are more outgoing, focus on the things that you enjoy doing, and start putting yourself in those places with those type of opportunities, if you understand what I'm saying. I'm not sure exactly what the question is pertaining to, so I'm going to answer it both ways. I think it's that helps you. Sorry, I think it's it's perfect. I think can you hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Sorry, my headphonees died, so I have to hear you from the phone now. But yeah, I mean, if you enjoy cooking, take a cooking class, whether it's with your girlfriends or whatnoledge and then there maybe someone up there taking a sushi class. That's like you know what, Like you can find people if you're doing a yoga class or do things that you enjoy doing, because there's bound to be someone in that same class course that I probably enjoys doing the same thing. So common interests exactly. All right, you guys, I feel like we got through a lot of questions and I hope that I know, Christine and I we took detours quite a bit, but I think, well, I think it's helpful to share personal experience and stories and for you guys to realize when you ask these questions, they're not falling on deaf ears. We understand what it is that you're asking what you're going through. Even though we might not be in that current situation, there was a time that we were, and so I think that it's healthy. You know. I like to think of our bachelor happy our listeners as our girlfriends or you know, boyfriends. And I mean that in a way of like you know, like friend boys, and this is just like a good opportunity. You guys have sent in your questions. You've wanted to know our opinion on it, and so I feel like we're sitting here talking to you. We can't see you, but we know you're out there. And so I hope that this conversation about dating and putting yourself back out there and how to get yourself right for dating has really been helpful, especially during these trying times with quarantine and social distancing. And we also got to do a little gossip and be a little shady too. That's always fun and entertaining. Christina, I hope you enjoyed your time co host. See you've got hosted before, but it's been a while. It has kind of while this is a little different just through the screen, but I really enjoy hanging out with you to begin with. So this is almost nothing different, nothing nothing different. We were we were a little um. We toned it down a pit right like I feel like we we did. We did well um and behaving for the most part. We have some fun conversations. We have someone and and we're about to have some more because you know I'm about to be in LA soon. Back and forth, so more more to come. Don't think I forgot about hitting you up about who's been in your DMS. That's absolutely coming as soon as we get off this call you guys, DM Christina bug her too and ask her, ask her who's in a DM just asked for a hint? Do that? Do that? I challenge you today to do that. Ah you guys to thank you. Thanks for having Ray Rachel Oh, thank you so much for being in here, for stepping in. We always appreciate, appreciate you, and I know our Bachelor Happy our listeners do as well. Thank you guys so much for tuning in today. We love when we can do these up so it's like these and just get you guys involved, feel like you're in the room and we're just having a big old pow wow. So we hope you got some of those answers to the questions that you sent in and we plan on doing this again. So keep writing into us so we can have more moments just like this. And the way that you can keep doing that you can keep liking and commenting and messenging us on our Instagram account at batter Happy Hour or on Facebook and Twitter at Batch Happy Hour. And last but not least, please don't forget to subscribe to our podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening to this right now. Buy you guys, take care of be safe,