354 | The Resistance Phase No One Talks About — And Why YOU Must Go Through It

0
00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:04,280
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

1
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,239
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:08,760
Hi,

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:09,840
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

4
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:10,630
The Kid Counselor.

5
00:00:10,750 --> 00:00:12,720
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

6
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:15,020
a master class in child-centered play therapy

7
00:00:15,199 --> 00:00:17,360
and practical support and application for your

8
00:00:17,360 --> 00:00:18,940
work with children and their families.

9
00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:20,860
In today's episode,

10
00:00:21,209 --> 00:00:22,139
I am talking

11
00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:23,500
through

12
00:00:24,159 --> 00:00:25,059
struggles

13
00:00:25,540 --> 00:00:26,559
as a CCPT.

14
00:00:28,139 --> 00:00:29,100
Not all struggles.

15
00:00:29,219 --> 00:00:31,040
I think that might be an eternal podcast,

16
00:00:31,379 --> 00:00:32,319
but a couple.

17
00:00:33,099 --> 00:00:37,680
And not particularly struggles to dwell on the struggles,

18
00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:41,759
but how struggles are actually the pathway toward mastery.

19
00:00:42,799 --> 00:00:46,659
I've had 2 conversations in the last week that really got me thinking about this,

20
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:47,200
and

21
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:48,799
I want to take time to share it.

22
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:50,009
Also,

23
00:00:50,090 --> 00:00:51,049
on a personal note,

24
00:00:51,330 --> 00:00:54,950
my 97-year-old grandfather passed away on Saturday,

25
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:56,349
and

26
00:00:56,590 --> 00:01:00,069
I've been reflecting on his life and

27
00:01:00,529 --> 00:01:03,509
he passed away 5 years to the day after my grandmother did.

28
00:01:04,589 --> 00:01:07,730
And my grandma was my favorite person in the whole world,

29
00:01:08,069 --> 00:01:11,260
and both of my grandparents were the most incredible people.

30
00:01:12,180 --> 00:01:14,650
And so I've kind of been in a really pensive,

31
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:15,500
reflective,

32
00:01:15,580 --> 00:01:17,760
grieving kind of mood the last few days.

33
00:01:18,459 --> 00:01:19,599
But I will say,

34
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:21,889
since we're talking about struggles,

35
00:01:22,180 --> 00:01:26,489
one of the things that I keep coming back to every time I think about my grandfather,

36
00:01:26,819 --> 00:01:28,059
and then therefore my grandmother,

37
00:01:28,139 --> 00:01:29,680
they were married 72 years.

38
00:01:30,459 --> 00:01:31,120
And

39
00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,080
every time I think about them,

40
00:01:33,379 --> 00:01:33,730
and,

41
00:01:33,739 --> 00:01:33,900
you know,

42
00:01:33,949 --> 00:01:35,599
I was 39 when my grandmother died.

43
00:01:35,660 --> 00:01:37,459
I'm 44 when my grandfather died.

44
00:01:38,370 --> 00:01:38,919
And

45
00:01:39,180 --> 00:01:39,569
actually,

46
00:01:39,580 --> 00:01:41,059
I was almost 40 and then I was,

47
00:01:41,099 --> 00:01:41,180
I,

48
00:01:41,319 --> 00:01:43,559
I'll be 45 in a couple of months.

49
00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:44,040
So,

50
00:01:44,300 --> 00:01:45,760
almost 40 and 45

51
00:01:46,500 --> 00:01:47,449
years of my life,

52
00:01:47,500 --> 00:01:49,139
I had grandparents,

53
00:01:49,339 --> 00:01:50,839
and I'm so grateful for that.

54
00:01:51,339 --> 00:01:51,860
And

55
00:01:52,059 --> 00:01:54,040
I'm grateful for how incredible they were.

56
00:01:54,220 --> 00:01:55,720
I'm grateful for

57
00:01:56,139 --> 00:01:57,459
the things that they taught me,

58
00:01:57,580 --> 00:01:58,110
the

59
00:01:58,339 --> 00:01:59,800
way that they poured into me,

60
00:02:00,220 --> 00:02:02,559
the way that they supported everything that I did.

61
00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:03,750
I,

62
00:02:03,839 --> 00:02:04,540
there's just

63
00:02:04,839 --> 00:02:05,639
story after story,

64
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:08,139
moment after moment that just plays through my head.

65
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,850
And I just keep saying,

66
00:02:09,960 --> 00:02:12,940
in the midst of me struggling with losing them.

67
00:02:14,110 --> 00:02:15,380
I'm so grateful

68
00:02:15,679 --> 00:02:17,139
and I,

69
00:02:17,559 --> 00:02:18,660
I definitely feel

70
00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:21,300
content in the midst of the sadness.

71
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:22,960
And

72
00:02:23,199 --> 00:02:24,389
so that got me thinking,

73
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:24,679
well,

74
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,539
isn't that kind of CCPT sometimes

75
00:02:28,039 --> 00:02:30,360
everything in my life ends up coming back to CCPT in some way,

76
00:02:30,479 --> 00:02:30,910
shape or form,

77
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:31,320
I think.

78
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:32,880
And

79
00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,899
so in light of what I've been going through personally and then in

80
00:02:36,899 --> 00:02:39,960
light of these last two conversations that I've had in this last week.

81
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:45,149
I really want to take a little bit of time to process the struggles

82
00:02:45,809 --> 00:02:48,550
of being CCPT because

83
00:02:48,850 --> 00:02:49,440
they're there,

84
00:02:49,690 --> 00:02:50,630
they're inevitable.

85
00:02:51,399 --> 00:02:53,509
And if we are prepared for them,

86
00:02:54,089 --> 00:02:57,679
we at least understand it's part of a process and it's part of a greater whole,

87
00:02:58,009 --> 00:02:59,630
and it doesn't feel so isolating.

88
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,750
And I think she was kind of saying this tongue in cheek

89
00:03:03,089 --> 00:03:04,250
and largely in jest,

90
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:04,949
I hope.

91
00:03:05,770 --> 00:03:08,970
But one of my coaching participants told me today that

92
00:03:09,270 --> 00:03:11,679
she's second-guessing everything about CCPT and she

93
00:03:11,679 --> 00:03:13,149
might go work at a grocery store.

94
00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:14,350
So,

95
00:03:14,850 --> 00:03:15,169
I was like,

96
00:03:15,250 --> 00:03:15,529
wow,

97
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:15,929
all right,

98
00:03:16,009 --> 00:03:17,110
this is hitting pretty hard.

99
00:03:17,369 --> 00:03:17,610
Let's,

100
00:03:17,649 --> 00:03:18,710
let's dive into this.

101
00:03:19,539 --> 00:03:20,679
And here's

102
00:03:21,139 --> 00:03:22,100
what I'm noticing.

103
00:03:22,220 --> 00:03:23,300
Here's what I'm observing,

104
00:03:23,339 --> 00:03:26,380
and here's what I've been processing and concluding.

105
00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:31,309
Just like I've mentioned several times that self-actualization

106
00:03:31,729 --> 00:03:32,589
takes place

107
00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:34,059
within us as well.

108
00:03:34,410 --> 00:03:37,250
You can't help but become a better version of yourself,

109
00:03:37,369 --> 00:03:38,729
not only professionally,

110
00:03:38,770 --> 00:03:39,990
but also personally.

111
00:03:40,979 --> 00:03:42,800
When you are wholly CCPT.

112
00:03:43,699 --> 00:03:46,800
And we self-actualize alongside our kids.

113
00:03:48,190 --> 00:03:49,690
But then I realized.

114
00:03:50,639 --> 00:03:53,610
Every single one of us hits a wall with CCPT.

115
00:03:55,149 --> 00:03:55,750
I did.

116
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:58,149
Every person I've ever trained has.

117
00:03:58,429 --> 00:04:00,479
Every clinician that emails me

118
00:04:00,820 --> 00:04:01,570
has either

119
00:04:02,190 --> 00:04:02,690
hit a wall,

120
00:04:02,789 --> 00:04:03,509
they're hitting a wall,

121
00:04:03,539 --> 00:04:04,669
or they're going to hit a wall.

122
00:04:06,220 --> 00:04:08,520
And I was on a discovery call this week.

123
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:10,720
And someone said to me,

124
00:04:11,699 --> 00:04:12,179
You know,

125
00:04:12,259 --> 00:04:15,639
I realized that I was going through the same phases

126
00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:16,970
that

127
00:04:17,130 --> 00:04:17,980
my kids do.

128
00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,790
And that kind of caught me off guard,

129
00:04:20,809 --> 00:04:21,170
a smidge,

130
00:04:21,220 --> 00:04:21,450
and I,

131
00:04:21,529 --> 00:04:21,850
I said,

132
00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,549
I'm not sure I understand what you mean.

133
00:04:24,130 --> 00:04:24,660
And she said,

134
00:04:24,769 --> 00:04:25,269
Well,

135
00:04:25,769 --> 00:04:25,929
you know,

136
00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:28,589
I started in the initiation phase and I was

137
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,839
all excited and it was kind of our honeymoon,

138
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:33,720
and everything was really positive and everything was really exciting,

139
00:04:33,730 --> 00:04:34,070
and

140
00:04:34,410 --> 00:04:36,359
I was just all in and I was consumed,

141
00:04:36,369 --> 00:04:37,109
and it was amazing,

142
00:04:37,209 --> 00:04:39,220
and it was just everything I've ever wanted.

143
00:04:40,170 --> 00:04:41,709
And then I just kind of

144
00:04:42,329 --> 00:04:43,640
hit the bottom and I was like,

145
00:04:43,769 --> 00:04:43,929
whoa,

146
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:44,570
wait a minute.

147
00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:46,100
This is hard.

148
00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,140
This is frustrating.

149
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:48,100
This is confusing.

150
00:04:48,179 --> 00:04:49,079
This is difficult.

151
00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:49,559
This

152
00:04:49,739 --> 00:04:50,489
is stressful.

153
00:04:50,549 --> 00:04:51,660
This is a lot.

154
00:04:51,890 --> 00:04:51,959
I,

155
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:52,720
I don't feel,

156
00:04:52,899 --> 00:04:53,570
and she said,

157
00:04:53,700 --> 00:04:56,079
and I realized that it was resistance.

158
00:04:57,079 --> 00:04:59,299
I was resistant to trusting the process.

159
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,470
I was resistant to giving in,

160
00:05:01,799 --> 00:05:02,420
to

161
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:03,660
letting go.

162
00:05:03,839 --> 00:05:05,459
I was resistant to

163
00:05:06,429 --> 00:05:08,630
allowing the child to just do what the child needed.

164
00:05:08,679 --> 00:05:12,399
I was resistant to humbling myself enough to work through it.

165
00:05:12,519 --> 00:05:13,140
I was res,

166
00:05:13,149 --> 00:05:13,540
and

167
00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,500
I'm listening to this going,

168
00:05:16,170 --> 00:05:16,950
oh my gosh,

169
00:05:17,029 --> 00:05:19,179
this is every single one of our story.

170
00:05:19,309 --> 00:05:21,859
And I had never understood before.

171
00:05:22,079 --> 00:05:22,320
I,

172
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,059
I made the connection with the self-actualization piece.

173
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:27,859
Thanks to some of my coaching participants that

174
00:05:27,859 --> 00:05:29,730
were mentioning how much they'd grown and changed,

175
00:05:29,779 --> 00:05:30,179
and I was like,

176
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:30,380
oh,

177
00:05:30,459 --> 00:05:31,239
there's something here.

178
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:35,470
But then thanks to this discovery call in this last week,

179
00:05:35,809 --> 00:05:36,309
I thought,

180
00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:37,559
oh my gosh,

181
00:05:37,769 --> 00:05:40,850
we all go through the phases just like our kids too.

182
00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:43,230
And

183
00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:45,149
it starts out dreamy

184
00:05:45,250 --> 00:05:46,190
and glorious

185
00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:47,929
and exciting and wonderful,

186
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,450
and this is the right fit,

187
00:05:49,459 --> 00:05:50,799
and this is what I'm meant to do,

188
00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:51,190
and

189
00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:54,829
God gave me this calling and I have found my place and

190
00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:55,730
all of that.

191
00:05:56,640 --> 00:05:58,910
And then the bottom drops out

192
00:05:59,209 --> 00:05:59,730
when

193
00:06:00,399 --> 00:06:01,010
A kid

194
00:06:01,959 --> 00:06:04,619
refuses to come back to the playroom 5 sessions in a row,

195
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,350
or parents pull the kid after 12 sessions because,

196
00:06:07,399 --> 00:06:07,559
quote,

197
00:06:07,630 --> 00:06:08,940
they don't see enough progress,

198
00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:09,980
or

199
00:06:10,640 --> 00:06:13,200
you get yelled at by the school because the

200
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,040
kid is continuing to throw tantrums in the classroom

201
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,339
and play therapy is obviously not working

202
00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:22,480
and you feel like you're failing in the playroom and

203
00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:24,760
you don't have the execution of skills that you want.

204
00:06:25,029 --> 00:06:28,209
And you have to clean up 3 room wrecks in a week,

205
00:06:28,429 --> 00:06:29,329
and

206
00:06:29,470 --> 00:06:31,869
a kid dumps water on your head or worse,

207
00:06:31,910 --> 00:06:33,190
sand on your head,

208
00:06:33,429 --> 00:06:37,260
or a kid throws up in your playroom or they pee on your rug,

209
00:06:37,269 --> 00:06:37,649
or,

210
00:06:38,390 --> 00:06:39,779
and then you start to go,

211
00:06:40,070 --> 00:06:40,730
OK,

212
00:06:41,220 --> 00:06:41,459
uh,

213
00:06:41,589 --> 00:06:41,989
nope,

214
00:06:42,109 --> 00:06:46,290
this is absolutely not what I signed up for and I don't want to do this.

215
00:06:46,309 --> 00:06:48,500
And now I'm questioning everything about my life.

216
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:49,589
And I thought this was it,

217
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:50,730
but maybe this isn't it,

218
00:06:50,750 --> 00:06:52,790
and I just want to run for the hills right now.

219
00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:56,410
And just like with kids,

220
00:06:56,790 --> 00:06:58,149
that is a means to an end.

221
00:06:59,510 --> 00:06:59,519
Because

222
00:07:00,109 --> 00:07:01,720
just like with kids,

223
00:07:02,230 --> 00:07:04,029
resistance doesn't last forever.

224
00:07:05,140 --> 00:07:09,260
And the courage to stay the course emerges from the depths.

225
00:07:10,299 --> 00:07:13,350
And the courage to dive in and face it

226
00:07:13,690 --> 00:07:15,070
comes bubbling up,

227
00:07:15,329 --> 00:07:17,739
and all of a sudden if you say,

228
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:18,540
well,

229
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,339
Let's just keep at it.

230
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,790
The work begins.

231
00:07:25,859 --> 00:07:27,579
And change happens.

232
00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:29,579
And all of a sudden,

233
00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:30,899
there's growth

234
00:07:31,239 --> 00:07:32,940
and there's expansion,

235
00:07:33,170 --> 00:07:35,980
and there's acquisition of new skills,

236
00:07:36,359 --> 00:07:39,420
and there's all the things that we watch with kids in their work phases.

237
00:07:41,579 --> 00:07:43,709
And as she was sharing this with me,

238
00:07:43,869 --> 00:07:45,369
I was just marveling at

239
00:07:46,269 --> 00:07:47,649
how CCPT.

240
00:07:48,369 --> 00:07:48,799
I

241
00:07:50,510 --> 00:07:54,519
A parallel to so many other things in our lives.

242
00:07:55,739 --> 00:07:59,049
And it influences in the most positive ways,

243
00:07:59,470 --> 00:08:01,809
so many other aspects of our lives.

244
00:08:02,869 --> 00:08:05,549
And it becomes who we are.

245
00:08:06,459 --> 00:08:07,720
Every single moment.

246
00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:09,230
And when,

247
00:08:09,269 --> 00:08:11,589
if you are in that place where you would say,

248
00:08:11,670 --> 00:08:11,850
OK,

249
00:08:11,940 --> 00:08:12,269
you know what,

250
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:13,959
I think I'm in resistance phase.

251
00:08:14,839 --> 00:08:15,820
What would you say

252
00:08:16,359 --> 00:08:17,260
to a parent

253
00:08:17,559 --> 00:08:18,559
whose child says,

254
00:08:18,679 --> 00:08:19,760
I'm not going to therapy.

255
00:08:19,910 --> 00:08:20,899
Therapy is stupid,

256
00:08:21,119 --> 00:08:23,239
and all we do is play anyway,

257
00:08:23,399 --> 00:08:25,070
and she doesn't ask me any questions,

258
00:08:25,239 --> 00:08:27,790
and he doesn't tell me anything that I'm supposed to do,

259
00:08:28,070 --> 00:08:29,380
and this is not helping,

260
00:08:29,559 --> 00:08:33,039
and I think this is the most ridiculous thing you've ever signed me up for,

261
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,630
and they won't get out of the car or they won't get in the car,

262
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,039
or they won't come into the playroom,

263
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,020
or they come in

264
00:08:38,239 --> 00:08:40,419
and they wreak havoc

265
00:08:40,599 --> 00:08:42,539
in your room because there are testing limits.

266
00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:43,859
And they're angry

267
00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:44,950
and the parents like,

268
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:45,440
yeah,

269
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,440
I don't know that this is the right fit.

270
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:49,179
What would you say to those parents?

271
00:08:51,020 --> 00:08:52,520
Thank you for screaming it at me.

272
00:08:52,739 --> 00:08:53,859
Trust the process.

273
00:08:55,650 --> 00:08:57,130
We have to trust the process too,

274
00:08:57,169 --> 00:08:57,659
y'all.

275
00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:02,000
You are in the throes of your own resistance

276
00:09:02,270 --> 00:09:04,349
if you feel like you are up against a wall and

277
00:09:04,349 --> 00:09:06,090
you feel like you have no idea what you are doing.

278
00:09:07,030 --> 00:09:07,830
And guess what?

279
00:09:08,260 --> 00:09:09,409
Kids hate resistance,

280
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:10,229
so do we.

281
00:09:12,789 --> 00:09:15,659
Therapy creates a visceral reaction.

282
00:09:16,619 --> 00:09:19,559
Who wants to willingly and intentionally

283
00:09:20,010 --> 00:09:22,119
go through hardship and suffering

284
00:09:22,580 --> 00:09:23,520
with the promise

285
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,780
of something getting better on the other side.

286
00:09:26,840 --> 00:09:27,900
Who signs up for that?

287
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:30,880
Oh,

288
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:32,099
I gotta tell you a fast story.

289
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:32,630
So,

290
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,020
I get a massage every week.

291
00:09:34,640 --> 00:09:35,590
It used to be every other week,

292
00:09:35,599 --> 00:09:38,270
and that wasn't enough because CrossFit 6 days a week is,

293
00:09:38,359 --> 00:09:40,099
is hard on these bones

294
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:40,940
and muscles.

295
00:09:41,359 --> 00:09:41,760
So,

296
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,489
I go every week on Wednesdays,

297
00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:44,539
and

298
00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:46,960
my son is the most immobile,

299
00:09:47,119 --> 00:09:48,000
inflexible,

300
00:09:48,119 --> 00:09:48,659
tight

301
00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:49,380
human,

302
00:09:49,919 --> 00:09:53,229
and that really is not ideally suited for being an athlete,

303
00:09:53,559 --> 00:09:55,020
and he's a fantastic athlete.

304
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:55,510
So,

305
00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:59,510
one of the things he's been working on for his baseball regimen is mobility,

306
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,500
flexibility.

307
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:01,929
Conditioning,

308
00:10:02,130 --> 00:10:03,010
strength training,

309
00:10:03,150 --> 00:10:03,729
stretching,

310
00:10:03,780 --> 00:10:05,030
all kinds of stuff because

311
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,280
his ligaments and tendons are very tight.

312
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,710
His muscles kind of tend to run tight,

313
00:10:11,049 --> 00:10:15,070
and he just doesn't have the mobility that he needs and wants to pitch.

314
00:10:15,609 --> 00:10:15,969
So anyway,

315
00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:16,650
long story short,

316
00:10:16,719 --> 00:10:18,320
he's part of this year-long program,

317
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:21,469
and one of the things is he's supposed to do these

318
00:10:22,210 --> 00:10:22,729
exercises

319
00:10:22,969 --> 00:10:24,469
and sometimes it's

320
00:10:24,929 --> 00:10:25,549
muscle

321
00:10:25,729 --> 00:10:26,270
related.

322
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:28,000
So stretching,

323
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,190
massage,

324
00:10:29,609 --> 00:10:30,090
whatever.

325
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:31,580
So,

326
00:10:31,590 --> 00:10:33,190
he asked me to

327
00:10:33,809 --> 00:10:34,650
massage,

328
00:10:35,049 --> 00:10:35,770
I forget where,

329
00:10:35,830 --> 00:10:37,210
I don't know if it was his calf muscles.

330
00:10:37,289 --> 00:10:38,869
I think maybe it was his calf muscles.

331
00:10:39,419 --> 00:10:40,020
And

332
00:10:41,289 --> 00:10:43,190
He is just writhing.

333
00:10:43,690 --> 00:10:44,229
And

334
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:44,770
if,

335
00:10:44,929 --> 00:10:45,039
look,

336
00:10:45,049 --> 00:10:46,690
if you are not massage people,

337
00:10:46,849 --> 00:10:46,960
you,

338
00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:48,309
this is what you need to know.

339
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:49,590
The people

340
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:50,289
that

341
00:10:50,979 --> 00:10:54,340
need massages the most are the ones that say that

342
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:57,020
it's the most awful thing because they're so tight,

343
00:10:57,099 --> 00:10:57,940
they're so rigid,

344
00:10:57,979 --> 00:10:59,239
they're so inflexible.

345
00:10:59,619 --> 00:11:00,760
It is hard

346
00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:01,400
to

347
00:11:01,859 --> 00:11:05,049
enjoy a massage when you are that tight and uncomfortable with it.

348
00:11:05,460 --> 00:11:07,289
But the more you get massages,

349
00:11:07,419 --> 00:11:09,719
the better it feels because your body is looser,

350
00:11:09,739 --> 00:11:10,020
etc.

351
00:11:10,059 --> 00:11:10,419
etc.

352
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:10,799
So

353
00:11:10,919 --> 00:11:12,210
it's like a catch-22.

354
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,619
It feels awful because you're so tight,

355
00:11:14,729 --> 00:11:18,200
but you're not going to become less tight unless you just suffer through the awful.

356
00:11:18,859 --> 00:11:20,299
So the whole time.

357
00:11:21,159 --> 00:11:22,080
I'm massaging him.

358
00:11:22,159 --> 00:11:22,840
He's going,

359
00:11:23,359 --> 00:11:24,500
people pay for this.

360
00:11:25,039 --> 00:11:27,020
People really willingly do this.

361
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:28,760
Why do you do this every week,

362
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:29,229
Mom?

363
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:31,039
What is wrong with you?

364
00:11:31,080 --> 00:11:35,099
Do you think this is a good thing to willingly do to yourself?

365
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:36,609
And he's just

366
00:11:36,719 --> 00:11:37,640
lamenting

367
00:11:37,760 --> 00:11:38,520
the entire time.

368
00:11:38,599 --> 00:11:39,200
And I'm like,

369
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:40,880
would you like me to continue this?

370
00:11:41,039 --> 00:11:42,880
Because if you choose for me to continue,

371
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:44,739
you choose to stop complaining about it.

372
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:46,219
And

373
00:11:46,559 --> 00:11:46,750
anyway,

374
00:11:46,849 --> 00:11:48,320
he gets to the end and he was like,

375
00:11:49,190 --> 00:11:49,739
Whoa,

376
00:11:50,030 --> 00:11:51,450
that actually feels so much better.

377
00:11:51,549 --> 00:11:51,789
I mean,

378
00:11:51,909 --> 00:11:53,229
it was not good at all,

379
00:11:53,469 --> 00:11:54,510
but now that it's over,

380
00:11:54,549 --> 00:11:55,289
it feels better.

381
00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:57,479
Is this not

382
00:11:57,979 --> 00:11:59,049
the means to an end?

383
00:11:59,460 --> 00:12:00,489
It's not good

384
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:01,340
in the moment,

385
00:12:01,630 --> 00:12:03,210
but it's way better at the end.

386
00:12:03,869 --> 00:12:05,530
That's what we know about

387
00:12:05,710 --> 00:12:07,169
what happens with our kids.

388
00:12:07,869 --> 00:12:10,130
And now look at this parallel.

389
00:12:10,309 --> 00:12:12,210
We know that will happen for us.

390
00:12:12,710 --> 00:12:14,130
I have never once

391
00:12:14,710 --> 00:12:16,070
had a CCPT.

392
00:12:16,979 --> 00:12:19,000
Get through their own battle

393
00:12:19,260 --> 00:12:20,309
with resistance,

394
00:12:20,859 --> 00:12:22,429
get to the other end and go,

395
00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:22,859
yeah,

396
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:24,900
I don't think I'm going to be CCPT anymore.

397
00:12:26,609 --> 00:12:26,849
No,

398
00:12:27,010 --> 00:12:30,729
not one human being I know has ever said that or felt that.

399
00:12:31,820 --> 00:12:33,559
They're more invested than ever.

400
00:12:33,739 --> 00:12:35,429
They're more grounded than ever.

401
00:12:35,659 --> 00:12:38,719
They're more able to execute the skills than ever.

402
00:12:39,690 --> 00:12:44,030
There's immense buy and why because they've grown through the process.

403
00:12:45,080 --> 00:12:48,150
And because resistance is a means to an end.

404
00:12:48,599 --> 00:12:50,940
I describe it to parents as a crossroads.

405
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:54,059
You're walking this path and there's a Y,

406
00:12:54,289 --> 00:12:54,880
and you say,

407
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:55,619
well,

408
00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,659
I'm either going to

409
00:12:58,280 --> 00:12:59,320
go this direction.

410
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,679
Or I'm going to try to go this direction and avoid it,

411
00:13:02,729 --> 00:13:03,500
but guess what?

412
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,559
The Y hooks

413
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:06,469
So,

414
00:13:06,479 --> 00:13:07,359
if you think about,

415
00:13:07,479 --> 00:13:07,599
you know,

416
00:13:07,679 --> 00:13:09,469
a left and a right fork,

417
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:10,440
if you,

418
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:11,549
if you take right fork,

419
00:13:11,599 --> 00:13:12,400
that's resistance,

420
00:13:12,409 --> 00:13:14,520
and you're going to go through resistance and then keep going.

421
00:13:14,799 --> 00:13:15,909
If you take left fork,

422
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:16,799
which is avoid,

423
00:13:16,919 --> 00:13:19,020
I will not absolutely do this one bit.

424
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:20,239
Imagine the,

425
00:13:20,309 --> 00:13:23,099
the left fork going left and then hooking back right

426
00:13:23,289 --> 00:13:23,599
and,

427
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:24,940
and teeing back into

428
00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:26,140
the other one.

429
00:13:26,630 --> 00:13:26,760
You,

430
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,099
you can't avoid

431
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:29,229
the resistance.

432
00:13:29,349 --> 00:13:30,780
It's part of the process.

433
00:13:31,239 --> 00:13:33,059
It is the therapeutic journey.

434
00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:36,489
That every person in therapy is on.

435
00:13:36,869 --> 00:13:39,409
And because we are providing therapy,

436
00:13:39,909 --> 00:13:41,309
we're on our own therapeutic journey,

437
00:13:41,390 --> 00:13:42,229
whether we like it or not,

438
00:13:42,309 --> 00:13:44,049
we self-actualize because of this

439
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,030
and we go through the phases because of this.

440
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,739
So please be encouraged,

441
00:13:49,159 --> 00:13:50,780
please feel supported.

442
00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:52,840
Please feel that you are not alone.

443
00:13:54,419 --> 00:13:58,239
And this is something that we all are forced

444
00:13:58,619 --> 00:13:59,159
to

445
00:13:59,369 --> 00:14:00,299
reconcile.

446
00:14:01,239 --> 00:14:03,099
Resistance is never fun.

447
00:14:04,109 --> 00:14:05,650
But boy is there

448
00:14:06,750 --> 00:14:07,849
such incredible

449
00:14:08,150 --> 00:14:10,030
outcome on the other side of that.

450
00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:12,609
We trust the process

451
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:14,030
and we wait it out.

452
00:14:15,150 --> 00:14:15,830
You watch a kid.

453
00:14:15,909 --> 00:14:16,020
I,

454
00:14:16,109 --> 00:14:17,489
I watched a play session today,

455
00:14:18,030 --> 00:14:19,530
one of my coaching participants.

456
00:14:20,609 --> 00:14:22,780
I've seen her child multiple times.

457
00:14:23,140 --> 00:14:25,369
The first time that kid came into the playroom,

458
00:14:25,659 --> 00:14:27,099
he stayed in one place,

459
00:14:27,460 --> 00:14:28,419
barely spoke,

460
00:14:28,570 --> 00:14:29,679
barely moved,

461
00:14:29,969 --> 00:14:31,000
50 minutes straight,

462
00:14:31,659 --> 00:14:33,299
rolled back and forth on a ball,

463
00:14:33,380 --> 00:14:34,440
and stayed on a mat.

464
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:36,359
Saw him today

465
00:14:37,429 --> 00:14:39,570
He's throwing balls and he's

466
00:14:39,789 --> 00:14:42,989
playing this game where he has this thing where he can touch her and freeze her,

467
00:14:43,190 --> 00:14:45,130
and there's money and there's

468
00:14:45,630 --> 00:14:46,250
power,

469
00:14:46,270 --> 00:14:48,659
and the gems give you power over your powers.

470
00:14:48,669 --> 00:14:49,010
And

471
00:14:49,309 --> 00:14:50,830
it was the most active,

472
00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:51,549
engaged,

473
00:14:51,630 --> 00:14:52,460
exciting,

474
00:14:52,729 --> 00:14:53,190
playful,

475
00:14:53,469 --> 00:14:54,000
creative,

476
00:14:54,020 --> 00:14:55,210
narrative session.

477
00:14:55,750 --> 00:14:57,849
And I said to everyone on that call,

478
00:14:58,549 --> 00:14:59,729
you would never

479
00:14:59,890 --> 00:15:02,090
think that that kid that we watched

480
00:15:02,309 --> 00:15:03,450
would become this kid

481
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,849
unless you're a child-centered play therapist.

482
00:15:07,330 --> 00:15:10,229
No one would ever understand the transformation,

483
00:15:10,530 --> 00:15:11,130
but we do.

484
00:15:12,109 --> 00:15:13,489
It's the same for us.

485
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:17,309
We start in one version of ourselves

486
00:15:17,440 --> 00:15:19,630
and we end up a different version of ourselves,

487
00:15:20,250 --> 00:15:21,809
and there's phases along the way.

488
00:15:22,010 --> 00:15:24,010
There's self-actualization along the way.

489
00:15:24,820 --> 00:15:25,900
Don't be disheartened.

490
00:15:26,099 --> 00:15:27,919
Don't go work at a grocery store.

491
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:30,580
Stay the course.

492
00:15:31,510 --> 00:15:34,700
You're going to go through initiation where you love it.

493
00:15:34,909 --> 00:15:37,369
You're going to go through resistance where you hate it,

494
00:15:37,750 --> 00:15:41,130
and then you're going to get into work and you are going to be so grateful

495
00:15:41,349 --> 00:15:42,549
for the things that you're

496
00:15:42,989 --> 00:15:45,830
experiencing and that you're witnessing as a part of this journey.

497
00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,349
And then at some point,

498
00:15:48,530 --> 00:15:49,650
a long time down the road,

499
00:15:49,729 --> 00:15:50,469
I pray,

500
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:52,830
we're all going to realize that

501
00:15:53,130 --> 00:15:55,710
our time providing CCPT is over,

502
00:15:56,169 --> 00:15:58,260
and then we're going to go through the termination phase.

503
00:15:59,349 --> 00:16:02,940
But just like kids spend their longest bulk of time in work,

504
00:16:03,349 --> 00:16:04,049
so will we.

505
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,239
We're in this for the long haul.

506
00:16:07,090 --> 00:16:07,340
We're not,

507
00:16:07,409 --> 00:16:09,140
we're not gonna give up on CCPT.

508
00:16:10,849 --> 00:16:13,590
We're gonna be doing this until we can't do it anymore.

509
00:16:14,549 --> 00:16:14,559
Because

510
00:16:15,190 --> 00:16:16,109
that's who we are.

511
00:16:17,429 --> 00:16:20,289
There's just a little bit of obstacles and barriers

512
00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:21,450
in between

513
00:16:21,789 --> 00:16:24,260
when you get all excited about it and you dive in,

514
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:25,190
and then you're like,

515
00:16:25,270 --> 00:16:25,900
oh,

516
00:16:26,429 --> 00:16:28,969
this went way deeper than I thought it was going to.

517
00:16:29,309 --> 00:16:31,539
You have to do your own work to do this work.

518
00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:33,770
I can't overemphasize that enough.

519
00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:36,700
And your resistance is part of your own work.

520
00:16:37,979 --> 00:16:38,429
So,

521
00:16:38,469 --> 00:16:39,130
stay the course,

522
00:16:39,299 --> 00:16:40,520
trust the process,

523
00:16:41,059 --> 00:16:42,119
you can do it.

524
00:16:42,659 --> 00:16:43,659
You will get there.

525
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:48,900
Surround yourself with people that get it and can support you and can encourage you

526
00:16:49,099 --> 00:16:50,280
and can understand

527
00:16:50,460 --> 00:16:52,479
what it is like to wrestle with this kind of stuff.

528
00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:55,840
Don't try to get sympathy from a directive

529
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:56,900
play therapist.

530
00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:01,739
Don't try to get sympathy from a supervisor that doesn't know anything about CCPT.

531
00:17:03,359 --> 00:17:04,780
They can't provide that to you.

532
00:17:05,458 --> 00:17:08,759
But you have a community with this podcast and in the Collective,

533
00:17:09,458 --> 00:17:10,838
where we all get it

534
00:17:10,938 --> 00:17:11,917
because we've all been there.

535
00:17:13,038 --> 00:17:15,198
So rely on your tribe,

536
00:17:15,479 --> 00:17:16,898
rely on your people,

537
00:17:17,358 --> 00:17:19,398
and walk the path of resistance.

538
00:17:19,798 --> 00:17:21,718
You'll come out on the other side better for it.

539
00:17:22,739 --> 00:17:24,020
I hope that encourages you.

540
00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:27,319
I hope that you know how much I love you because I do.

541
00:17:27,939 --> 00:17:28,739
We'll talk again soon.

542
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:29,140
Bye.

543
00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:34,040
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

544
00:17:34,290 --> 00:17:36,209
For more episodes and resources,

545
00:17:36,369 --> 00:17:41,130
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.