155 | Overcoming Separation Challenges: A Child-Centered Approach
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this episode, I address a therapist's question about working with a 9-year-old boy struggling with severe separation anxiety. The child's anxiety stems from an experience of an upset stomach while living in Tanzania, which he has now anchored to feeling safe only when his mother is present.
I explain the importance of understanding the root cause of the anxiety and how it helps guide our approach. Rather than viewing it strictly as separation anxiety, I emphasize the somatic nature of the child's experience and the need to desensitize him gradually through empowering choices.
I provide practical strategies for allowing the mother's presence in the playroom while slowly increasing the child's time without her. This involves giving the child choices about the duration of the mother's stay, thus fostering a sense of control and ownership over the process. I also highlight the necessity of coaching the mother on her role and expectations to ensure the child-centered model remains intact.
If you would like to ask me questions directly, check out www.ccptcollective.com, where I host two weekly Zoom calls filled with advanced CCPT case studies and session reviews, as well as member Q&A. You can take advantage of the two-week free trial to see if the CCPT Collective is right for you.
Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G. L. (2002). Play therapy: The art of the relationship (2nd ed.). Brunner-Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
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0 00:00:00,409 --> 00:00:04,289 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks. 1 00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:08,109 Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,250 --> 00:00:10,510 Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor. 3 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:14,119 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered, 4 00:00:14,130 --> 00:00:17,329 play therapy and practical support and application for 5 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:19,190 your work with children and their families. 6 00:00:19,639 --> 00:00:23,430 In today's episode. I am answering a question from Jemima in England 7 00:00:23,930 --> 00:00:26,559 and Jemima wrote in asking about a nine year 8 00:00:26,569 --> 00:00:29,549 old boy who she has just begun working with 9 00:00:29,799 --> 00:00:32,869 and actually when she wrote in it was a couple of months ago. 10 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:34,849 So at this point, I'm sure she's 11 00:00:35,139 --> 00:00:38,549 a little further into the process, but at the time, she had had two sessions 12 00:00:39,009 --> 00:00:43,349 and the little boy is struggling pretty intensely with separation anxiety. 13 00:00:43,919 --> 00:00:47,029 So her question was about that, how to handle that 14 00:00:47,259 --> 00:00:49,680 and what it looks like when a child really 15 00:00:49,689 --> 00:00:53,549 will not be comfortable leaving a mom or a dad 16 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:58,479 or whomever you know, they have their separation anxiety, attachment issues to, 17 00:00:58,869 --> 00:01:00,279 to come back to the playroom. 18 00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:03,279 So I'll read you parts of the email that she sent and 19 00:01:03,290 --> 00:01:05,360 then we'll be able to talk through that a little bit. 20 00:01:05,690 --> 00:01:06,860 So she said, hi Brenna, 21 00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:08,330 I've started working with a nine 22 00:01:08,339 --> 00:01:10,949 year old boy who's experiencing separation anxiety 23 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:13,800 and isn't able to be away from his mom without feeling sick. 24 00:01:14,230 --> 00:01:17,769 This started after the family spent some time living in Tanzania. 25 00:01:18,239 --> 00:01:20,709 He got a bit of an upset tummy when living there, 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:24,040 which then turned into feeling ill whenever he was away from his mom 27 00:01:24,169 --> 00:01:27,769 and he has been off school for an entire term since returning back. 28 00:01:28,220 --> 00:01:32,459 We've had two sessions so far and his mom has come back with him for both of them. 29 00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,360 She left for the last five minutes of each session. 30 00:01:35,370 --> 00:01:39,199 She tried to leave the session earlier and go wait in the reception a few times, 31 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,400 but he didn't want her to. So she stayed. 32 00:01:41,559 --> 00:01:42,760 How would you approach this? 33 00:01:42,769 --> 00:01:45,040 I'm not trained in having the parent in the room, 34 00:01:45,110 --> 00:01:48,400 although I feel I am able to work with him while she's present, 35 00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:51,260 but I'm not sure how this will work going forward. 36 00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:53,919 I feel it's important that I don't rush him as 37 00:01:53,930 --> 00:01:56,169 I want him to feel comfortable and safe with me, 38 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,610 which may take a while, 39 00:01:57,730 --> 00:02:01,849 but I am aware that there is an expectation from mom 40 00:02:02,010 --> 00:02:04,120 that he will come on his own. 41 00:02:05,169 --> 00:02:08,380 Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks so much for your podcast. 42 00:02:08,869 --> 00:02:13,229 All right, Jemima. Thank you so much for emailing and for sharing this question. 43 00:02:13,550 --> 00:02:15,100 It's interesting because 44 00:02:15,529 --> 00:02:20,160 we've talked a lot about lobby sessions and parking lot sessions and 45 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:24,270 when a parent calls and says I can't even get them to get in the car. 46 00:02:24,279 --> 00:02:25,559 I don't know that we're gonna make it. 47 00:02:26,539 --> 00:02:29,679 So we have all kinds of resistance for all kinds of reasons, right? 48 00:02:30,309 --> 00:02:34,410 And in this scenario, I think it's helpful to start with, 49 00:02:34,770 --> 00:02:38,029 this is really not so much about 50 00:02:38,750 --> 00:02:44,250 separation anxiety as it is the root cause and the anchored things that are going on. 51 00:02:44,259 --> 00:02:46,809 So let's tease that apart first and then I'll 52 00:02:46,820 --> 00:02:49,830 actually be able to dive into more specifics about 53 00:02:50,050 --> 00:02:52,369 practically addressing this in the playroom. 54 00:02:53,059 --> 00:02:55,720 But let's kind of track this backwards. Ok. 55 00:02:56,330 --> 00:02:58,279 So they went to live in Tanzania 56 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,759 and he got an upset stomach. 57 00:03:01,130 --> 00:03:01,610 Ok. 58 00:03:01,839 --> 00:03:05,039 So I suspect that was probably from the water he was drinking 59 00:03:05,380 --> 00:03:08,960 or it was from certain foods that he was eating, that he was not used to 60 00:03:09,490 --> 00:03:12,009 or he might have just gotten the stomach bug for a 61 00:03:12,020 --> 00:03:15,979 few days or there was some kind of somatic nature, 62 00:03:15,990 --> 00:03:19,029 maybe he was really overwhelmed being in a foreign country. 63 00:03:19,059 --> 00:03:23,679 And so he actually started feeling a little bit nauseous, but it truly was somatic. 64 00:03:24,449 --> 00:03:27,389 So at this point, we're not really sure what caused the upset stomach, 65 00:03:27,610 --> 00:03:29,339 but we know that it was present. 66 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:30,270 All right. 67 00:03:30,389 --> 00:03:32,899 So once a child experiences 68 00:03:33,309 --> 00:03:36,309 a feeling that is physically present in their body, 69 00:03:37,559 --> 00:03:39,690 they will naturally anchor that 70 00:03:40,210 --> 00:03:42,240 to certain circumstances 71 00:03:42,479 --> 00:03:46,020 and therefore they will anchor the resolution of that 72 00:03:46,339 --> 00:03:49,460 to other circumstances. So let's make sense of this. 73 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,699 Let's say he was feeling really bad, his stomach was really bothering him. 74 00:03:54,559 --> 00:03:55,309 And 75 00:03:55,440 --> 00:04:01,830 when mom came and gave him some juice or mom hugged him and rubbed his back, 76 00:04:01,839 --> 00:04:04,589 or mom put a wet washcloth on his forehead 77 00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,630 or told him that he was fine and there was nothing 78 00:04:07,639 --> 00:04:11,029 wrong and she reassured him and soothed him with her words. 79 00:04:11,500 --> 00:04:12,470 All of a sudden 80 00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,830 his physical symptoms abated 81 00:04:16,070 --> 00:04:21,678 which now I have an anchored sensation of being scared when I feel bad 82 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:26,410 and feeling not scared when mom is with me? Mom made it better? 83 00:04:27,660 --> 00:04:31,709 Ok. So are you tracking with how that unfolds in this child scenario? 84 00:04:32,390 --> 00:04:35,839 So understanding that that is probably the path 85 00:04:36,529 --> 00:04:38,279 that the child has been on, 86 00:04:38,899 --> 00:04:42,809 it makes sense now that mom has become the security blanket 87 00:04:43,649 --> 00:04:45,350 when mom is not around 88 00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:48,829 the stomach issues immediately reemerge 89 00:04:49,019 --> 00:04:51,630 and at this point, they truly are somatic. 90 00:04:52,130 --> 00:04:56,910 So whereas there might have been an actual cause when they were in Tanzania. 91 00:04:58,230 --> 00:05:03,519 Now it is an anxiety, fear, worry based, 92 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:05,660 upset, stomach or nausea, 93 00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,410 which therefore, 94 00:05:08,790 --> 00:05:09,329 somatically 95 00:05:09,619 --> 00:05:13,970 is going to make him feel the same thing that he felt 96 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:15,910 when they were living abroad. 97 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:19,609 And therefore, when I'm with mom, I feel relief. 98 00:05:21,390 --> 00:05:21,920 So yes, 99 00:05:21,929 --> 00:05:26,809 we can see this as a separation anxiety issue because he doesn't want to leave mom. 100 00:05:27,950 --> 00:05:30,329 But usually separation anxiety 101 00:05:30,529 --> 00:05:31,309 is 102 00:05:31,690 --> 00:05:36,049 not usually I shouldn't say that often. Separation anxiety is 103 00:05:36,399 --> 00:05:37,570 attachment related. 104 00:05:38,690 --> 00:05:39,739 It's relational. 105 00:05:40,649 --> 00:05:41,670 In this case, 106 00:05:42,059 --> 00:05:47,269 it's very, very likely tied to huge levels of anxiety 107 00:05:47,609 --> 00:05:50,149 and the somatic symptoms that go along with that. 108 00:05:51,720 --> 00:05:53,519 So once we understand that 109 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,970 that actually helps us kind of formulate 110 00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:59,179 some thoughts on what we do. 111 00:05:59,190 --> 00:05:59,559 Now, 112 00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:03,179 the child-centered model doesn't change based on whatever information 113 00:06:03,190 --> 00:06:05,049 or insight we can gather from a child. 114 00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:08,480 So I'm not saying that now that we know that it's 115 00:06:08,489 --> 00:06:11,070 probably somatic and it's rooted in high levels of anxiety, 116 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:11,549 et et cetera. 117 00:06:11,619 --> 00:06:13,230 We don't do anything differently, 118 00:06:13,529 --> 00:06:15,989 but it's helpful to at least be aware of what's likely 119 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:18,899 causing it because that helps us discuss with mom and dad 120 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,140 that helps us give them some awareness and perspective, 121 00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:24,630 that helps us give them tools they can use, 122 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,670 that helps influence what we might reflect to the child 123 00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:31,040 because 124 00:06:31,239 --> 00:06:32,200 we could say 125 00:06:33,029 --> 00:06:35,440 you really want mom to come back to the playroom with you. 126 00:06:36,549 --> 00:06:39,059 But is that really what the child's need or desire is? 127 00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:42,929 I would argue it would be more appropriate to say 128 00:06:43,220 --> 00:06:45,209 you feel really safe when mom's with you 129 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,890 notice how that changes the whole dynamic of how we're 130 00:06:48,899 --> 00:06:51,820 going to reflect once we have insight and awareness. 131 00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:56,859 So that's why we kind of dive into how did we get here, right. 132 00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,420 All right. So 133 00:06:59,040 --> 00:06:59,329 Jemima 134 00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,899 to specifically address your questions about how do we navigate this? Ok. 135 00:07:03,910 --> 00:07:07,980 So at this point, when you emailed it was two sessions in, I'm sure you might be, 136 00:07:07,989 --> 00:07:09,130 you know, closer to 10 or so. 137 00:07:09,140 --> 00:07:09,559 Now, 138 00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:13,940 but, and I have no idea whether the child has actually started to go back on his own. 139 00:07:13,950 --> 00:07:16,359 But all of us deal with kids that 140 00:07:16,690 --> 00:07:19,929 don't feel comfortable leaving mom, don't feel comfortable going back. 141 00:07:20,089 --> 00:07:22,690 Don't want to go back to the playroom for a variety of reasons. 142 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:24,089 So this is really important. 143 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:28,679 I've said it again. I mean, I've said it before. I'll say it again. 144 00:07:28,690 --> 00:07:31,760 We never ever, ever force a child to go back to a playroom. 145 00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:36,970 Under no circumstance. Will we ever insist that a child go back? 146 00:07:37,829 --> 00:07:39,850 So sometimes that means we have lobby sessions 147 00:07:41,299 --> 00:07:43,279 and they're just as therapeutically important and 148 00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:45,079 valuable as when we're in the playroom. 149 00:07:46,220 --> 00:07:50,239 But in this case, Jemima, he was able to go back if mom went with him, 150 00:07:51,529 --> 00:07:51,549 our 151 00:07:51,649 --> 00:07:55,829 policy at the center is that parents do not go back with the child. 152 00:07:56,010 --> 00:08:00,619 Sometimes the child chooses for the parent to walk them to the playroom door, 153 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:06,369 but they do not go into the playroom with the child. That's our center policy. 154 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:07,829 But in your case, 155 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,589 child and mom were both in the playroom. 156 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,989 So I will work with that scenario even though we would typically encourage 157 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:20,029 you to make sure that the mom can sit outside the door. 158 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:23,609 If the child really does not feel comfortable without a parent present, 159 00:08:23,649 --> 00:08:25,660 or they can walk them back to the door, 160 00:08:25,670 --> 00:08:27,829 but they don't actually enter into the playroom. 161 00:08:28,459 --> 00:08:29,359 But that said, 162 00:08:29,459 --> 00:08:34,140 once we realize the child is not willing or able to go back on their own. 163 00:08:34,609 --> 00:08:35,929 We will not force them, 164 00:08:36,409 --> 00:08:39,039 we constantly remind them of expectations, 165 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,450 but we don't necessarily set limits. 166 00:08:41,900 --> 00:08:43,359 So here's what that might look like. 167 00:08:44,989 --> 00:08:48,250 You aren't quite ready to go back to the playroom without mom 168 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:53,349 or you're choosing to spend some time with mom before we go back to the playroom. 169 00:08:53,559 --> 00:08:58,419 Or you're unsure if you want to go back and play and have mom wait out here for you. 170 00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:01,039 So we're just going to continue to validate. 171 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:05,890 And if and when the child is at a calm place. 172 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,979 In other words, they're not emotionally upheaved, they're not crying, 173 00:09:09,150 --> 00:09:12,059 they're not in panic mode, they're not overwhelmed. 174 00:09:12,599 --> 00:09:13,539 We might say, 175 00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:16,299 I wonder if you're ready to go check out the playroom yet 176 00:09:17,309 --> 00:09:18,450 because by 177 00:09:18,599 --> 00:09:19,679 checking in 178 00:09:19,830 --> 00:09:20,510 and 179 00:09:20,690 --> 00:09:24,539 letting them know that the expectation is that they will go back to the playroom. 180 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:26,489 It's making it known 181 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:29,460 that that is where the goal is to end up. 182 00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,969 There's no force, there's no push, 183 00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:35,150 but I wonder if you're ready to go back to the playroom yet. 184 00:09:36,250 --> 00:09:37,989 Now, in this scenario, 185 00:09:38,510 --> 00:09:40,159 you can offer choices 186 00:09:40,260 --> 00:09:43,070 for how the child chooses to 187 00:09:43,309 --> 00:09:45,219 have mom involved or not involved. 188 00:09:45,229 --> 00:09:45,719 So, Jemima, 189 00:09:45,729 --> 00:09:48,390 I'm going to go with your scenario where a parent 190 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,549 was actually already in the room at one point. 191 00:09:50,780 --> 00:09:53,340 So I'm going to give different choices than we would give at our 192 00:09:53,349 --> 00:09:55,940 center where the parent is never allowed in the room but I'm, 193 00:09:55,950 --> 00:09:57,510 I'm working with your scenario. 194 00:09:58,039 --> 00:10:00,809 So what you might do after you've had several sessions 195 00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:03,070 where mom was in there for all but five minutes, 196 00:10:03,669 --> 00:10:06,789 then you would give choices for a 197 00:10:06,960 --> 00:10:09,280 longer amount of time that mom won't be in there. 198 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:12,619 So let's say the little guy's name is Jack. So 199 00:10:13,289 --> 00:10:15,729 Jack, it's time for our play time 200 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,580 and you know that our playtime is just for kids. 201 00:10:20,690 --> 00:10:23,039 And I know you like to have mom back there. 202 00:10:23,059 --> 00:10:27,090 So you can choose to have mom stay in there for 30 minutes today 203 00:10:27,099 --> 00:10:30,630 or you can choose for mom to stay in there for 35 minutes today. 204 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:31,500 Which do you choose? 205 00:10:33,229 --> 00:10:36,690 Now? Of course, the child's going to pick 35 minutes, right? So that's a given. 206 00:10:36,830 --> 00:10:38,130 But here's what we've done. 207 00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:41,969 Mom is now out of the room for 15 of the 50 minutes. 208 00:10:43,570 --> 00:10:48,489 The child had control over it. The child doesn't feel like you tricked him. 209 00:10:48,570 --> 00:10:52,750 He made the choice I choose for mom to stay for 35 minutes. 210 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,580 So then 15 minutes 211 00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:56,859 are without mom, 212 00:10:57,510 --> 00:11:00,450 then you do that for a couple weeks and then you move to 213 00:11:00,750 --> 00:11:04,130 ok, you know that our play sessions are just for kids. 214 00:11:04,140 --> 00:11:09,179 So I wonder if you're ready to come back without mom today? If he says no, 215 00:11:09,380 --> 00:11:10,400 then it's ok. 216 00:11:10,409 --> 00:11:13,179 So I wonder if you choose for mom to stay in there for 20 217 00:11:13,190 --> 00:11:16,250 minutes or if you choose for mom to stay in there for 25 minutes. 218 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:21,780 I'm sure he's going to pick 25 and then he's in the room with mom for 219 00:11:21,789 --> 00:11:26,099 half of his play time and in the room without mom for half of his playtime. 220 00:11:27,309 --> 00:11:31,510 And all that's happening is the child has a measure of power and control. 221 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,130 The child has ownership over the outcome. 222 00:11:34,619 --> 00:11:39,530 And he is learning over time as a slow desensitization 223 00:11:39,780 --> 00:11:41,729 that he is ok without mom 224 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:44,650 and the time keeps increasing. 225 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:46,239 So 226 00:11:46,359 --> 00:11:48,239 that is a really effective way 227 00:11:48,340 --> 00:11:51,619 to help a child learn that he is capable 228 00:11:51,630 --> 00:11:54,630 of handling a scenario that otherwise is very, 229 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:59,030 very fear invoking and very overwhelming for a highly anxious child. 230 00:11:59,359 --> 00:12:00,950 Now, here's the caveat 231 00:12:01,440 --> 00:12:04,539 allowing a parent to be in the room. And Jemima, you mentioned, 232 00:12:05,159 --> 00:12:06,640 I'm trying to see where you said it. 233 00:12:06,909 --> 00:12:11,549 I feel I am able to work with him while she's present. OK. That's huge 234 00:12:12,239 --> 00:12:13,179 because 235 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:14,219 the whole 236 00:12:14,650 --> 00:12:16,739 child-centered model falls apart 237 00:12:17,119 --> 00:12:20,349 if your relationship with the child is not at 238 00:12:20,359 --> 00:12:22,539 the heart of everything that's happening in that playroom. 239 00:12:23,039 --> 00:12:26,880 So if there's intervention, if there's interference, if there's dialogue, 240 00:12:26,890 --> 00:12:31,739 if there's directive, if mom keeps undermining what you're trying to do, 241 00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:34,799 if there's anything going on from the parent in there, 242 00:12:35,119 --> 00:12:36,739 it is detrimental to the process. 243 00:12:37,469 --> 00:12:41,729 So with this, you can choose to have mom in here for X amount of time or X amount of time 244 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,609 on the side of this. You also have to coach mom 245 00:12:45,719 --> 00:12:49,929 on what to do, what not to do, what to say, what not to say. 246 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,570 Mom needs to be made aware of your expectations of 247 00:12:53,580 --> 00:12:56,380 her if he's choosing to have her in there. 248 00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:01,429 So that's a phone call or that's an email exchange or that's, you know, 249 00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,700 an independent 250 00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:05,299 interaction where the child is not present 251 00:13:05,559 --> 00:13:06,900 where you're able to say 252 00:13:07,320 --> 00:13:11,179 the child-centered model is that the child gets to be in charge. 253 00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:15,570 So please don't say anything. Please sit in the corner and remain quiet. 254 00:13:15,750 --> 00:13:17,460 If he engages you, 255 00:13:17,739 --> 00:13:22,059 you can do what he asks, but please do not ask questions. Please do. 256 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:24,500 You're going to have to give her some coaching 257 00:13:24,890 --> 00:13:26,099 on what that looks like 258 00:13:26,789 --> 00:13:29,890 so that she can support and co-operate 259 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,409 the work that you're doing 260 00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:34,010 rather than have it be detrimental. 261 00:13:34,890 --> 00:13:36,590 And as 262 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:41,150 the time goes by and as you have more and more sessions, I mean, you know, 263 00:13:41,159 --> 00:13:43,830 two sessions in, of course, the child is scared to death, right? 264 00:13:44,030 --> 00:13:47,000 You're a stranger. It's a strange place. It's a strange thing. 265 00:13:47,119 --> 00:13:50,340 You know, what is this play room about? Why am I going to play with this person? 266 00:13:50,349 --> 00:13:51,140 I don't even know 267 00:13:51,580 --> 00:13:55,280 all of that is very overwhelming over time. Kids get used to it. 268 00:13:55,289 --> 00:13:57,440 There's predictability, there's consistency 269 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,270 and they fall into their rhythm and their groove. 270 00:14:01,179 --> 00:14:04,820 But in a scenario like this, it's helpful to always remind a child, 271 00:14:05,219 --> 00:14:09,780 you know, that playrooms are only for kids. You really want mom to be back there. 272 00:14:09,789 --> 00:14:12,440 But you know that that's just a place for kids to play. 273 00:14:14,099 --> 00:14:15,799 And over time 274 00:14:16,109 --> 00:14:20,400 with that expectation set, kids are able to operate within that boundary. 275 00:14:20,890 --> 00:14:24,140 And the choice giving is the antidote to the fear. 276 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:26,640 Because when you have highly anxious kids, 277 00:14:26,650 --> 00:14:28,520 they're grasping at a measure of control. 278 00:14:29,289 --> 00:14:34,080 So we give them control in the process of giving them choices 279 00:14:34,549 --> 00:14:36,450 and then they don't feel so powerless 280 00:14:36,570 --> 00:14:41,710 and then they don't feel that they have to fight so hard to stay with mom because 281 00:14:41,719 --> 00:14:44,299 they know that they've already chosen to have mom 282 00:14:44,309 --> 00:14:45,549 in there for a certain amount of time. 283 00:14:46,719 --> 00:14:49,799 So I hope that you'll find that helpful if you have any questions. 284 00:14:49,809 --> 00:14:54,330 If you have follow up, I'd love to hear from you brenna@thekidcounselor.com. 285 00:14:54,669 --> 00:14:58,260 And I would also love to hear from you if you have questions. 286 00:14:58,340 --> 00:14:59,659 So if you are in the States, 287 00:14:59,669 --> 00:15:03,770 you can call 813-812-5525 and leave me a message and 288 00:15:03,780 --> 00:15:06,619 then I can answer your question from the voicemail. 289 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,820 You can also go to CCPT Collective 290 00:15:11,270 --> 00:15:16,099 and that's dot com, by the way, that's a website CCPTcollective.com. 291 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:17,349 My husband's like, 292 00:15:17,359 --> 00:15:21,109 sometimes you don't say.com or sometimes you don't say CCPT 293 00:15:21,119 --> 00:15:22,859 and I don't think people know what you mean. 294 00:15:22,869 --> 00:15:24,929 And I'm like, OK, I'll be better about that. So 295 00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:26,260 that was for my husband 296 00:15:26,549 --> 00:15:32,710 CCPTcollective.com. Is where you can find out about our online group. 297 00:15:33,090 --> 00:15:36,380 We're just shy of 100 members now. So exciting. 298 00:15:36,690 --> 00:15:41,859 And it's a community. It's a discussion. It's live Q and A twice weekly with me. 299 00:15:41,869 --> 00:15:44,390 I would love to have you there. Please come check it out. 300 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:48,630 We have people literally all over the world that have joined and what a fun, 301 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:51,320 inspiring, exciting place to be. 302 00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,119 So, if you would like to check that out, we'd love to have you. 303 00:15:54,359 --> 00:15:56,299 I'm really grateful that you send me questions. 304 00:15:56,309 --> 00:15:59,830 I'm grateful that you send me emails. I'm grateful that you call in and 305 00:16:00,169 --> 00:16:03,270 you all are the most engaged, passionate 306 00:16:03,570 --> 00:16:07,849 invested, excited group that I have ever had. 307 00:16:07,859 --> 00:16:11,760 The privilege of interacting with working with spending time with. I 308 00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:16,669 really cannot. Thank you enough for how much this matters to you. 309 00:16:17,030 --> 00:16:18,780 You know how much this matters to me. 310 00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,929 I wouldn't be doing this if I wasn't passionate about child center play therapy, 311 00:16:22,229 --> 00:16:25,580 but my passion is bigger because of your passion. 312 00:16:25,590 --> 00:16:28,989 So thank you so much for pouring into this 313 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,369 and caring about this so deeply and working to 314 00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:36,099 work on your skills and grow your ability and 315 00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:38,760 be the practitioners that you really want to be. 316 00:16:38,929 --> 00:16:43,559 It makes me so so happy every day to have you as a part of my life. 317 00:16:43,570 --> 00:16:46,739 So super grateful for each and every one of you. You know how much I love you. 318 00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:48,039 We'll talk again soon. Bye. 319 00:16:48,950 --> 00:16:51,869 Thank you. For listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr 320 00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:53,010 Brenna Hicks. 321 00:16:53,020 --> 00:16:55,090 For more episodes and resources, 322 00:16:55,099 --> 00:16:59,919 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.