Selena Lanelle: A Mother's Tale of Resilience and Empowerment in Raising Three Children with Autism

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Manator. Welcome to Why Not Me the World?
Joining us today is a mother of four, three which
are autistic. Selena Linnell has such a great story to
tell us. Thanks for coming on.
I'm excited about the opportunity.
I pretty much wanted to express my whole my life
actually revolves around autism.
Okay, so I understand you have three children that are autistic,
one that's newer typical. What's the ages of the autistic
children that you have?
Five year old Giovanni and Sebastian they're twins, identical twins,
and then Benjamin.
Who is three.
Okay, so you have a daughter that's not autistic, and
then you have twins that you find are what led
you to believe that they might be autistic?
Well before I had the kids I had dated and
married their father. After three years we got married and
some of my friends had pointed out saying, I think
your husband has autism, okay, and I didn't.
I was unfamiliar with autism.
They actually pulled up on a computer and said look,
and I started reading about it and I said, oh,
my goodness, he is autistic. Okay, So it made sense
with a lot of things that he would do. He
was very brilliant and just into music. He was a
music producer. He was going to school for.
His master's for music.
Okay.
Would always have headphones on, very sensitive to lights.
We had blackout curtains, and noises would irritate him sometimes,
and it was a lot of things. So I started
getting more educated and learning about him by just witnessing him.
So in the midst of it, I ended up working
for an agency that provided services for kids with autism.
Oh okay, nice, But by accident.
Actually I thought I was going for an administrative administrative
assistant john uh huh, And it ended up I ended
up in the insurance authorization department trying to get authorizations
for services for the kids. And that started off because
I didn't know what I was doing. The doctor who
was the owner. He wanted to fire me, and my
boss took a chance and she stapped me down, and
she actually trained me and taught me more about the
process and how to go from getting a diagnosis and
how do you get them their assessment so we can
provide treatment for their services.
So I learned all the steps by working in this apartment.
Oh Okay.
In the midst of it, they promoted me to the
school department because they wanted to open up a school
section where they can provide.
Services in the schools.
Okay, So I started hiring and training people to place
them into the schools to assist students with ABA services.
Okay, what the mischievous I learned. Then I had the twins.
Okay, I was.
Actually working the day I delivered them in heels in
high Hills.
I sold my boss. I said, so, just doesn't feel
right today, I'm going to go to the doctor.
Wow.
And I went to the doctor and my blood pressure
was over three hundred.
That's scary. So what happened from there?
I called my husband, He drove me to the hospital.
They immediately an hour later, they're getting the twins out.
And I was scared because This was actually two months early,
and I wasn't.
Ready for them.
I can understand that.
I was unprepared at all. I mean, well he was,
he was more. My emotions weren't right. I had already
named the twins. I knew they were both boys. I
named each one of my stomach already, and so when
I saw each one coming out, twin baby A, I knew.
Giovanni he cried twin baby B. Sebastian came out, he
didn't cry. I passed out.
Wow.
The doctor comes to me and tells me all these
things that transpired after I passed out. Apparently my twins
had this rare syndrome where it's called twin to tun
transfusion syndrome, where they were in the same sack, and
Giovanni was draining.
The blood from Sebastian. He was born.
He wasn't breathing, he wasn't responsive or anything. So they
had to revise him and then give him a blood
transfusion because he had lost a lot of blood from Giovanni.
Wow, that's very scary.
The funny ironic party about it was Sebastian still somehow
weighed more than Giovanni.
You know.
It was the wrong green blood.
Wow, that's crazy, So I told I asked the doctor
after he told me the kids are all right, and
I said, oh, okay, so they're identical. So that could
have been a traumatic incident that maybe could have triggered autism.
I don't know.
So how old are they now?
They are five now?
So what led you to get them diagnosed for autism?
After I went through a whole traumatic experience of domestic
violence with the father that resulted in his imprisonment, I
had got them tested for autism because I noticed that
they had different behaviors that were not keeping up with
their milestones. Like I mentioned before, I have an older daughter, right,
so when I noticed they weren't doing the same things
and we're doing weird behaviors, I knew after all this
went down that I needed to get them diagnosed and tested.
So would you find out once the test came.
Back, I was right, there are severe level three autistic.
And oh, through the midst of this all, I'm going
through them who witnessed you know, the gruesome thing I
went through from the fat Wow, and so that kind
of traumatized them. And when you traumatized kids with autos,
them it's a different thing because they get set on
the certain behaviors. So they witnessed violent behaviors from their
father and their scenarios to act the same way towards
other kids.
So what happened from there?
I was unable to put them in a center with
other kids, and everyone told me that it was best
that I did home therapy with them. Sure, they were
going through attacking other people. If you were just in
the area, or if you had your cell phone or
something laying there, there's just would throw it at you
or grab your hair, and it was just really bad.
Yeah, it sounds like you went through a very difficult time.
How are they doing now?
Oh, they're now.
They're good because I have full custody of my kids
and ten years no contact for their father, so I
take care of them by myself, and I tried to
keep atmosphere and environments calm and positive for them, and
they are happy little things and enjoyabul.
Now you've got another child, and I think you said
it's a boy, and I think you said that he's three.
Is that correct?
Yes?
What led you to think that he might be autistic
to where you had to get him diagnosed?
Well, I started noticing different behaviors than what the twins
were experienced. And I was currently at the time getting
therapy in home for the twins. Okay, even the therapist
starts to mention that they noticed that I should get
him tested because of what he would do now on
his way, he's brilliant. At one and a half, he
realized one of his toys consisted of this magnet inside
that controlled the base of the lamp that was metal
and would turn off and on. So he just connected
that magnet from out of his toy and crawled over
and was going on an oscile lamp.
And I said, how did you know what to do?
At one and a half?
At two he painted rising Phoenix rising Fien. Wow, and
everyone thought.
That I did that. I didn't live.
And he's constantly in his mind and like he's creating things,
constantly acted like put multiple things in front of him
and say, okay, I've.
Been something with this and.
That's just really good. So tell me about your five
year olds. Now you've worked with them, counseled them, taught them,
how are they working out with their meltdowns? Are they
still having that issue?
Giovanni?
Because their father had actually suffocated him. Oh wow, he
had issues with people getting too close to him. Okay,
so he doesn't like to, like really eat in front
of people. Okay, so he'll go to another room and
eat his food and then come back. You know, I
have to calm him down because he's a tornado. Okay
when he gets upset. He doesn't like people yelling right
or getting mad or upset, So as soon as someone
raised their voice or gets mad or something, he flips
out like a tornado and starts attacking it.
Oh wow, Yeah, how do the three get along? Do
they do well together considering the differences?
Oh yeah, oh yeah, they're boys. They wrestle each other.
Okay, I now noticed they get more eye contact, they're happier.
Good, I left them. I left them.
Explore what they're good at, right, you know, like I
noticed my daughter had brought them a guitar a couple
of weeks ago, and without even me showing how the
kids that played a guitar, Sebastian grabs it.
He's looking at the at the at.
The guitar and just playing with the strings, listening at
each sound, playing each different string, listening to the sounds
and looking at it and then he starts trying to
play it as if he knew how to play it already,
and I said, wow.
Okay, wow, that's great Giovanni. Even last week I took
him as a friend of.
Mine had a hole party.
Okay.
You know, I take my kids everywhere. I don't I
don't matter, it doesn't matter just because they have autis.
I'm just cause I'm singing mom with three kids.
I don't care. I travel with them everywhere with them.
Sure, sure, And so I took him to a pool
guardy last weekend, brought them all in the pool and
Sebastian he kind of sits on the side and enjoys
is watching people and just smiles and laughs. And you know,
but Giovanni, he just jumps right in the pool and
just starts swimming.
Wow, that's great.
And I never showed him, and never he just was
watching the other kids and was like, oh, oh okay,
I got this, and.
Then he was just start taking on them.
Wow.
And I was amazed, like, wow, I've never shown him.
Okay, Now, now, how old is your daughter? She's twenty three,
twenty three.
Almost well almost like three in a couple months.
Yeah, okay, she's twenty three. So is there a good
connection between her and her brothers?
Try to because of the distance, It's it's hard, like
she comes to visit California in the summers. Okay, mmm,
so but they we do community like video chat and
things like that. So uh, it's funny because my daughters
is from my first husband. She's actually their father is Mexican.
My kids, the boys, their father is white. But somehow
they all look.
Like, oh okay, all right, So what about foods and
textures and that type of thing. Do they have any
issues with that?
Oh?
Wow?
Okay, yes, Sebastian, he doesn't need anything except specifically Gerber
multi grain oatmeal.
Okay, he will not move.
From anything from that.
I recently got him to try like yogurt that doesn't
have anything like you know, just smooth yogurt, right, and
he loves vanilla ice.
Cream from McDonald's. But that's the only thing I can
get them to.
Eat, right, okay.
And so luckily the multi grain has all the nutrients
and needs. So he's perfectly healthy. The doctors have said, so.
Well, that's good. That's good. Now what about the other
two do they have any texture issues or food issues?
So the other ones are different. Giovanni, he eats some things. However,
he likes chicken, if it's cold chicken, if it's cut
in the cubes. If it's cut in the cubes, he
will not eat it because it's a different shape.
Okay.
If it's pasta, it has to be spaghetti noodles, long noodles,
it's their little tiny macaroni noodles.
He won't eat it.
Okay, it's just he.
Has a visual kind of thing. If it looks different
to him, he won't eat it. Sure, And then Benjamin,
he eats anything.
Well, that's good. That's good, all right. So you still homeschool, yes, yes,
Do you foresee a situation in the future where you
might put them into school where they can interact with
others or do you think that probably won't happen.
I'm looking more into homeschooling, but I do want to
get them in programs because I'm noticing their skills very
I notice they all love like sports, like.
They love warning, okay, and things like that.
So I wanted to put them into extracurriclayers, like maybe
have them learn gymnastics or something, or you know, things
like that, right, and as well as you know, like
I said, I'm in the home school them too, but
I always all the time, I might take them to
various parks, let them meet different kids, uh, interact you know, socially.
And that has really been helping.
That's really good to hear. Now they've had meltdowns in
the past and you've corrected them and helped them. Do
they have any problems interacting with the kids at the
playgrounds with the parks.
No, Actually they're happy. They love being out in nature,
they run around. The worst thing I have to say
is actually I have more problems with the parents. Unfortunately.
It's like some parents, I guess they're not as accumunity
and autism okay, and so they act kind of weird.
So like, for instance, this one particularly instance, this little
girl comes up to Sebastian showing him or her bubbles
and she's blowing on. She's like like this and she's
trying to show them on blow and I go, oh, honey,
he doesn't want to blow and stuff. And then I
go over to the mom and I was like, yeah,
my son, he has autism. He doesn't know how to
blow yet and stuff. And as soon as I said that,
it was like she grabs her daughter and she's like, Okay, honey,
we're gonna go.
And I was like.
Wow, Wow, that's pretty sad because that's the biggest thing
that I see is people that have never been around
anyone that's autistic. They don't know how to act, they
don't know how to react, they don't know what to
say because they don't understand what autism is.
Yeah, exactly, and the fear in their eyes is just overwhelming.
Sometimes.
Well that's that's real sad because I've been talking with
so many different people that are autistic, and you've got
such a wide variety of people. And the old saying
is you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person.
Yeah exactly.
Like I have three different personalities with my kids. You know,
one is the highest functioning, and he's sort of.
The three year old.
He sort of bullies the twins because he comprehend things
a little bit more than the twins do. Okay, when
I repeat stuff, he gets mad that the twins don't
respond to me the first time, and he'll go and
he'll push them, okay, And so he tends to bully
because his brain is always moving.
He's looing, you know, right, So what's your approach when
he starts getting aggressive, a little bit more aggressive that
you want to tone that down? What's your approach and
get him to settle down so that he doesn't bully anymore.
Sometimes I'll yell at him, but sometimes I have to see.
I'll tell him, oh, honey, I got this, okay.
I don't mean your help.
Okay, you know, because he's actually responding because I'm repeating
myself and he doesn't like me to repeat myself to them,
and I have to tell him.
I have to remind him.
I said, honey, your brothers you know, I have to
repeat myself sometimes, Honey, I got this, okay.
Right.
He's like a little man. He tries to do everything independently.
And he's a five year old, right, No, the three
year old.
He's the three year old.
Oh, he's the three year old. Okay, sorry, yeah, all right,
all right, So the three year old is the one
that can tend to get a little bit more on
the on the aggressive side. Yes, yes, How about the
five year olds? Are they pretty passive or how do
they act?
Well, Sebastian is pretty passive. He's like a teddy bear, Okay,
he's just laughing. He'll laugh for hours, and he's so cute,
and so he's sort of passive when he starts to
do stuff. Right, Giovanni, he's the oldest, I mean oldest
by a minute, okay.
But he still has that power trip about it.
So when Benjamin tries to do that, he'll immediately attack back, okay,
because remember Giovanni was the one now suffocated and he
doesn't like people attacking at him, right, right, Yeah, So
now they're attacking each other, and I have to calm
the book down, and Giovanni has to calm him more
down because when he gets like I said, when he
gets excited and upset, he's a tornado.
He hits everybody that's in a room.
It's like, so what I do with him is I
just put his hands next and the sides of him,
and I said, calm down, honey, it's okay, We'll be okay.
You know, with Benjamin, I redirect by making them happy
and tickling over something.
Well, the main thing is that whatever you're doing, it works.
So many parents that have autistic children, they have the
struggles within their family of creating a good environment. How
is your social life because that can affect your friends
and family and all that. So having three autistic children,
how has that affected you? Or has it affected you?
Not at all? Everyone knows if you invite me somewhere,
is there coming along with me?
Okay, all right?
And that hasn't stopped my social life. Hasn't stopped my
business because I also run Hollywood events as well.
Okay, my friend had a film premiere. They know I'm.
Bringing the kids, so okay, you.
Know I'll have dinner with them on the rooftop in.
Beverly Hills with the kids, Okay. I just what I
did was to make it easier for me. I bought
a wagon, okay, and I carry them around the wagon.
And I remember I was on the roofshop of Bewy
Hills restaurant one time going through the tables with the wagon,
and a girls stopped me from what looked like.
Rihanna, and she said, oh my god, girl, that is
so smart.
And so that's why I always tell people when I
go to a restaurant table for four three high chairs please,
you know, and the wagon folds up under the table,
everyone's nice and comfortable.
Has it affected where you can take them or where
you can go at all.
Not at all.
That's good. That's good.
Not at all.
I let people know I'm coming in the door. I
just need a table for shore three high chairs? Do
they Everyone doesn't freak out? Sometimes people freak out they
see me coming three keys in the wagon, like, oh
my god, these kids are gonna be bad.
No, my kids a calm, well behaved.
Right.
If anything, I get stopped very often saying how well
behaved my kids are, and they're amazed.
Oh, that's great. So, even though each one's had their
different little issues when they go out in public, they
don't seem to have that.
No, they love traveling.
I mean when we had the twins, we've been on
the airplanes with them. I mean they love just looking
around and listening to music and things like that.
Right, So, what are your plans for them in the future.
Do you see any issues that they're going to have
to deal with, or are there any concerns you might
have for them moving forward?
They're all still nonverbal.
Oh okay.
We tried to do the sign language thing. They really
refuse to do it, okay.
I mean it was.
More of like they knew what they were learning, but
they just didn't want to do it, and they would
just be like I would tell you running, just do
them more already so she can stop saying it, you know,
and then no, good a sign language for more.
You know.
It's like they know what to do, they just refuse
to do it.
So I've been told that some that are non verbal
use pictures to communicate. Is that something that you use?
Does that help you? Or how do you handle that?
Actually, there's no problem, like if I say something, they
don't know exactly what I'm saying.
It's just they're not able to communicate it back.
Okay, So I'll say go get that toy over there,
or go get me that, and they'll do it.
Right.
They can pretty much stay the twins because Benjamin you
can dress himself now and everything.
Okay.
The twins have.
Been now moving up and getting putting on their shirts
and their fants by themselves and things like that. So
it's moved along. They're starting a babble too, uh. I
give them phonics training in the mornings. I put them
like through hour of practicing sounds. Sure these videos I
sound were to music. It sounds and you know Giovanni's
say he's a music person. So anything that music he's
tuned into.
Do you see them becoming verbal in the future. What's
your thoughts about that?
I think so because they've moved along. They've come a
long way.
Because before they weren't even say anything, and they would
always retreats. You asked them to do things, and they
didn't get eye contact and things like that. And now
they get eye contact, they smile, they laugh, they were
feel they're starting to repeat sounds after me. Yeah, Benjamin,
the sounds and movements after me. He's he's going to
be he's going to be an actor.
Okay, all right, well that's good. So now what about you.
Do you still work within the autistic community or have
you gotten away from that?
I moved away.
Well, when I resigned from the position because of what
was going on, I had to resign them. I was
actually afraid that their father was going to come to
my job and do so.
But I ended up using their services for my kids
in home.
Okay.
I was actually able to be witness on the other
side as a parent.
So when you first started working in your job and
you was helping parents that had autistic children, did you
ever think in your mind that you would flip it
around and you'd be going back to the same place
with autistic children yourself.
No I didn't, No, I did not.
I get that a lot from a lot of people
that had worked in a charity that they just never
saw that coming. So when you got the diagnosis that
your kids were autistic? What went through your mind?
So, like I said, I had found out after what happened.
So at that point I had resigned already. So when
I found out they were actually were like actually autistic,
even though I had suspected that, I moved forward with
the services. Now part of it was I had to
as well, because when I had had their father arrested
for trying to kill me in front of the kids,
they tried to take the kids away from me, saying
did I failed to protect them from their father?
Wow?
So they turned it around on me, and so I
had to show them, you know, as as well as
getting my life together with everything, and they didn't really
care where my income was coming and anything. At this point,
they said, well, if you can't handle the kids, we.
Could take them. So I already knew what to do.
I got them diagnosed for the autism, I got them services,
I got a place. A friend of mine helped me
get a townhouse. Okay, so I was able to have
the therapists. They each had their own therapists coming to
the house. It was luckily big enough for all these
people in the house every day.
Good, good, and.
So they were able to get the care and for
a year and a half they had therapy.
Okay, So it actually helped and work out.
Do they still have therapy or is this something now
that you're providing.
I'm providing because we had reached to a point where
I noticed we were plateauing.
Okay.
I noticed the kids were starting to not really respond
to the therapists and they were getting I think frustrated
from having too many.
People in the house all the time.
Okay, and so they were getting to a point where
they would lead the therapists.
Politely to the door, trying to tell them go.
You know, all right, So what kind of advice would
you give to a new set of parents that are
just finding out that they have autistic children for the
very first time? What would you tell them?
For one, you got to make sure they have a
definite diagnosis and then look around for agencies that provide
services to help them.
Through the treatment because what they do is if you
find an.
Agency, they'll do what you call is a functional behave
your assessments and they'll see you know where what the
behaviors are in certain areas for the kid, and that
way they can draft up a treatment plan for them
and provide them with certain amount of hours of services.
So now that's for the in home therapy. Also there's
some centers that have services. They provide it in a
sensor for people who don't want to do it at home,
and then also for the schools too as well selects
and our things too. But you got to make sure
you go through the steps, diagnosis, assessment, and then you'll
start services.
That's great information. I also think I remember you telling
me that you wrote a couple of books. Tell me
a little bit about that. Yeah.
Yeah, it's called Autism Avengers, a super parent kick Ass
guide to Bossing domestic Chaos in the Autism Superhero Squad.
What it is like, it's like an ultimate guide for
raising autistic kids who witnessed domestic violence or suffer child.
Abuse and it's like a good parenting guy.
That's awesome. Now where can they find it?
You can find them on Amazon as UH on Amazon, yes,
as well as my as well as my other book
to UH wrote. I wrote says as far as the
diary of the details of the counter what happened and
how my what my kids experienced and witness that I
went through. So I wrote a diary and published that
as well. It's called them Bailing Shadows, A Journey from
Darkness to Empowerment and and the books are under Selena
Lenell Lawrence.
Just to mention on Amazon that's great.
Now, how do people find you if they want to
reach out to you?
You can find me under Let's see, you can face
me on Facebook under Selena Linel. You can send me
a message a messenger or on Instagram at Selena dot
linell and next spelled.
S e l e n A dot l A n
e l l E Selena Nell. The books that I
have our sling Lanel Lawrence. That's what it's under.
And also thanks to you can view me and the
kids on YouTube as well. I created a YouTube channel
called City Mom Chronicles, and that way you can see
what our life, of our travels that we've been going through.
After their father was incarcerated, I took a lot of
traveling places, so I still did well.
This was a great conversation. I truly enjoyed talking to you,
and once again, thanks for coming on.
Okay, thank you so much. Well, it was great talking
to you.
It was my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking the
time out of your busy schedule to listen to our
show today. We hope that you enjoyed it as much
as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know
anyone that would like to tell us their story, send
them to tonymantor dot com. Contact then they can give
us their information so one day they may be a
guest on our show. One more thing we ask tell
everyone everywhere about why not me? The world, the conversations
we're having, and the inspiration our guests give to everyone
everywhere that you are not alone in this world.