Kathy & Susan: Looksmaxxing and Men Who Are Great on Paper | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Hey, everyone, We're back for part two with more fun with Susan and me. So let's get right back into it. All right, Let's get off of reality TV and get onto our Golden Hotline where each week we answer questions from listeners and that we give them our expert golden advice.

00:00:27
Speaker 2: Okay, Susan, start us off here.

00:00:28
Speaker 3: Okay, I've been dating this guy for about four months, and on paper, he's everything I've been looking for, stable jobs, super kind, treats me well. But I've noticed that I'm the one initiating almost everything. If I don't text first, we don't talk. If I don't suggest plans, we don't see each other. When we are together, he's fully present and affectionate. Is what's confusing me? Is this just his personality or am I ignoring a bigger issue where I'm doing all the emotional labor. Laura from New York City, what do you think? Isn't I think he's just slow and maybe doesn't know how to do it? I mean, I always I want to see the positive in something before the negative, Like when he's there, he's fully present, he's affectionate. She's getting confused because she's doing all the planning. Some guys just aren't good planners, or we have a conversation. If he's good with that, you take the lead. If you're a type A, that should be no problem.

00:01:41
Speaker 1: Well, clearly it is because she's saying, am I ignoring a bigger issue?

00:01:45
Speaker 3: She clearly when somebody has said something, Yes.

00:01:48
Speaker 1: She clearly wants him to take some ownership and date planning. Here's what I'm going to say.

00:01:53
Speaker 3: What does she mean by emotional labor.

00:01:55
Speaker 1: The emotional labor means she's taking it all on to plan the dates for them to go to dinner, where they're going to go for dinner. That takes emotional right. I think that much as we've talked on other podcasts about this, men are used to being taken care of. It is a rare man that will make all the plans. Most men are like, whatever you want to do, honey, where do you want to go to dinner?

00:02:23
Speaker 2: Whatever you want to do?

00:02:24
Speaker 1: So again, Laura, you gotta communicate with the guy and say, you know, I'm just feeling a little bit awkward here because I'm planning all the dates. You know, I'd love it, says Laura, if you would plan a date or two and surprise me.

00:02:42
Speaker 2: I would love that.

00:02:43
Speaker 1: See if he doesn't, and now, if he doesn't do it, then you might have a different problem on your hands. He's lazy, he doesn't want to do it, in which case you might not be a good match.

00:02:51
Speaker 3: And I know myself, I would actually say, Babe, if I don't text you, then we won't talk. Like what is that? I'm starting to read between the lines and getting in my own head. This is not a good place to be, So talk to me, like you said, communication.

00:03:05
Speaker 1: But what you're saying is exactly what you would do and what I would do. Laura hasn't done it, And Laura, Laura, here's the deal. Your boyfriend might be affectionate, loving, generous, all that, but you know what he can't do. He cannot read minds. So if you feel a certain way, you need to tell him and then see what happens.

00:03:26
Speaker 3: Then you can manage stupid. They don't get.

00:03:28
Speaker 2: It, big dumb animals.

00:03:30
Speaker 3: We think about what they're thinking, what we're thinking, and what the person looking in we're doing.

00:03:34
Speaker 1: All the thinking, we do, all the thinking. Let's just cut it there, all right, Laura, Let us know. Hopefully it works out with you and your guy, we wish you the best.

00:03:43
Speaker 3: Okay, it's a good thing. I think this is fully present, affectionate, that everything needs just lazy.

00:03:49
Speaker 2: He's just lazy.

00:03:50
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, here we go. The next one, This is from Kat in Washington, d C. I met someone at a friend's birthday party, and we had insane chemistry right away. We've now been seeing each other for a few weeks, but I recently found out he got out of a long term relationship only two months ago. He says he's completely over it, but he still brings her up in little ways. I really like him, but I don't want to be someone's rebound. How do I tell the difference between someone who's ready to move on versus someone who just wants to be.

00:04:26
Speaker 3: Okay, girlfriend, I'm like you, I'm struggling with it. I'm the wrong person.

00:04:31
Speaker 2: To ask why because you jump in?

00:04:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's my style. Like if we have that insane chemistry, which I love that about meeting somebody and you jump in with both feet, not one foot where you Kathy, I know you've tried to school me. Protect your heart, Protect your heart. I don't know how to do that.

00:04:51
Speaker 1: Well, no, no, no, I don't say to protect your heart. That's a term I think Leslie used on a show with somebody. No, I never say protect art. I say take it slower. You jump in, go rush down. It's it's you need to just in my mind, take it slower. Here's the thing though, with Kat, I get you, Susan, if you have in saying chemistry, I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing.

00:05:16
Speaker 2: Believe it. I know I'm going to surprise you saying this.

00:05:19
Speaker 3: I agree.

00:05:20
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a bad thing that he got out of a long term relationship only two months ago, because what we don't know Kat is maybe it was on the rocks for six months before that, you know, and it just like you, Susan, you.

00:05:31
Speaker 2: Said it takes you a long time to get out of a relationship. So and it may be.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: Right.

00:05:37
Speaker 2: So it may be that.

00:05:39
Speaker 1: The only little question I have here is that she says that Kat says that he brings her up the X up in little ways. I want to know what little ways are. So Kat, if he brings it up when you make him spaghetti ball and AI's and he sits down and he goes, you know this sauce is or whatever is so much better than my ex.

00:06:00
Speaker 2: I got a problem with that.

00:06:01
Speaker 1: That's not so I would ask you, we never get all the full information, cat, but I think you have to look at what the little things are if it really if it's something like you say, you know, I gosh, I love this sofa, it's so comfortable, and he laughingly says, well, I'm glad you like it because my ex wouldn't even sit on it. That's that's a small thing in my book, that's just him being funny. I think you have to look at what he is saying and in what context.

00:06:31
Speaker 3: And how often it is, Like it's still fresh in his mind. It's only two months, so it's like natural to say that. You don't want to stop quickly and say, oh, you know, it depends on what he's saying.

00:06:45
Speaker 2: And I don't really want to not.

00:06:46
Speaker 3: Putting her down or trashing that person, because that I couldn't tolerate.

00:06:50
Speaker 2: That's right.

00:06:51
Speaker 1: I don't really want to hear about the guys i'm dating their exes other than exactly what you just said, if they're trash and and you know, I've dated a guy who has an ex wife who I believe him she's nuts. And so he doesn't have many nice things to say about her.

00:07:09
Speaker 3: But however, you don't want to hear it daily.

00:07:12
Speaker 1: No, I don't want to hear daily. But I'm saying just generally speaking, I don't want to hear an ex trash. I think every once in a while somebody has made a terrible mistake and it's just not going to go well. But Kat, I would, I would Again, you might mention them. Hey, you know you keep bringing up Ashley. I find it a little uncomfortable. If it bothers you, Kat, bring it up to your boy.

00:07:36
Speaker 3: Ye, yeah, are on hell in little ways? He says. So, like I said, it could be just that it's still fresh, but I would give it a little time. And if you really are struggling, then once again, have a conversation.

00:07:50
Speaker 2: Why is it?

00:07:51
Speaker 1: So? Let me just before we move on to people are afraid to talk about things because maybe they don't want to know the answer.

00:07:57
Speaker 3: Sometimes women are afraid to ask.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: Men don't seem to ask, but women know the questions they want to ask. When we're answering these questions, oftentimes you know, if you're saying should in these notes, these letters that we get, should I do this?

00:08:15
Speaker 2: Should I do that. You're already telling us that you.

00:08:19
Speaker 3: Know that you're thinking about it.

00:08:20
Speaker 1: You're thinking about it, so you don't need to ask permission from us, right, And it makes you.

00:08:25
Speaker 3: Feel better when somebody else agrees with what you're thinking about doing. Right, That's that's normal.

00:08:30
Speaker 1: No, I agree with that, But I'm saying I think oftentimes women like you just said, are afraid of the answer, or that they'd rather be with someone flawed, deeply flawed, even than be by themselves. And yeah, so I think it's you know, it's complicated. I just wish that women had, in general, had more self confidence, said every age, at every age, because we should be in the world.

00:08:55
Speaker 3: If you really like them hanging there, give it a little more time and maybe bring up the comma.

00:09:01
Speaker 1: Tells me, Kathy, hang in there, give it more time, Susan. Susan's anthem. Her anthem is Kathy, give it more time, all right.

00:09:15
Speaker 3: The next one's from Amanda from Raleigh. I've been in a situationship for almost a year, and I feel like I've slowly become the cool girl who doesn't ask for too much. We hang out, we act like a couple, but every time I try to define the relationship. He says he doesn't want labels. Meanwhile, I know he's not seeing anyone else. I'm scared that if I push too hard, I'll lose him. But I'm also starting to feel resentful. How do I advocate for myself without blowing everything up?

00:09:52
Speaker 1: Oh?

00:09:52
Speaker 3: Girlfriend, the word RESI.

00:09:54
Speaker 1: I was just gonna say, Susan, let me take the first stop on this, because you're going to talk about resentment. But here's so you can talk to the resented piece. The piece that I want to talk about is she identifies it. You know, Situationship is the new word for twenty twenty six, twenty twenty five. It's all about the situationships. Here's the thing. We act like a couple. You know, I would say, are you sleeping together? Are you cooking together? Are you traveling together? Are you making plans together for future life? If you're doing those things, then maybe he's just a little slow to the game. But when a man says he doesn't want labels, you know what I hear, Susan, I don't hear anything about labels. I hear, Amanda, he doesn't want to commit. And because if he commits to you and says we are.

00:10:52
Speaker 3: A couple, then what comes next?

00:10:55
Speaker 1: Exactly what comes next? And that, my friend, I believe, is where the resentment starts.

00:11:00
Speaker 2: So go ahead, take over.

00:11:02
Speaker 3: Just the word resentment, resentful. It happens to me when I'm in a relationship and I start feeling resentful.

00:11:12
Speaker 1: Wait does it happen in a situationship or a relationship?

00:11:15
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter. Once I feel resentment, there's no turning back for me. So if you're already starting to feel that, does it say how long they've been seeing each other?

00:11:26
Speaker 2: A year?

00:11:27
Speaker 3: Okay?

00:11:27
Speaker 1: A year?

00:11:28
Speaker 2: Almost a year?

00:11:29
Speaker 3: Once again, here I go. I sound like a broken record. You have to communicate. Say babe, I'm not trying to put a label, but do tell me why you're saying you don't want a label on it? What does that mean to you? I can tell you what's the word label? We're a couple? Are we not? You know? Just be frank. And if you're afraid to lose him, would you rather keep him and be resentful?

00:11:55
Speaker 2: What did I just say? Five minutes?

00:11:57
Speaker 1: Go on?

00:11:57
Speaker 2: Another question?

00:11:59
Speaker 1: Women sometimes would rather put up with indecisiveness because because you're cured where you and I would never.

00:12:07
Speaker 3: And It's easy to say it because I'm standing here reading it and talking about it. But when it comes in your you're standing in that situation, it is much more difficult because you are fearful, You are having a good time, you really like this person, everything's great, and then what happens after a year People start saying, oh, it's serious. You know, are you going to end up moving in together? Are you? Maybe she feels uncomfortable with those questions because he won't put a label on it.

00:12:34
Speaker 1: Well, a label to me, I told you take the word label out.

00:12:37
Speaker 2: He won't commit. That's really what we're.

00:12:39
Speaker 1: Going to call you, his girlfriend who cares Susan first of all, the other thing.

00:12:44
Speaker 3: Is just a friend and a situation ship.

00:12:46
Speaker 1: We don't know how old Amanda is. If Amanda's twenty one and she wants it, it's a whole. If you're thirty one, Amanda, you know it might be time to move on because he's he's not. He's been covert. Overt would be hey, are we a couple or not? Because you know, I want to know where we stand, But he's covertly saying, hey, I like it right where it is.

00:13:08
Speaker 3: Well, that's so Also, you could get the feeling like, well, he's keeping himself available in case something better comes along. You know, you start overthinking ship. That's where your head's going to go, and.

00:13:19
Speaker 1: That's where they start. That's so Amanda. I again, we don't know how old you are, and that to me makes a huge difference. But if you want commitment, you can't give a guy ever an ultimatum. You can never say are we a couple? Are we going to commit or not? Because you know what he's going to say.

00:13:39
Speaker 3: No, you can say a commitment. Commitment is if we're sleeping with each other, you're not sleeping with anybody.

00:13:45
Speaker 1: He doesn't like labels. He doesn't want that's not a label.

00:13:50
Speaker 2: Yes it is.

00:13:51
Speaker 3: You are only sleeping with me and I am only sleeping with you. You can call it anything you want. But if you think you will go elsewhere and have sex with somebody else, then we're out. I don't label or no label.

00:14:06
Speaker 1: I don't think it's In my opinion, Amanda's not just talking about sex here. She's talking about everything that comes with a committed relationship. And his out so I don't think it's just about sex. His out is. I don't like labels. And again, I'm going to say it one more time.

00:14:24
Speaker 3: Why one say that, though, kat what brings? Because he doesn't it comes to mind.

00:14:28
Speaker 2: I can tell you he likes things the way they are.

00:14:32
Speaker 1: He doesn't want to commit, because if once you commit, like you said, then you're moving on to the next thing, which expected you're expected to be. Oh, well, you know, now we're a couple, and now we're twenty nine, and now we should probably should be getting engaged or moving in together. And you know what, he probably likes it just the way it is. In short, he doesn't want commitment. So Amanda, if you're twenty one, if you're twenty one, enjoy the sex, have fun, and you'll find your guy probably about ten year. If you're thirty one, that you might think differently and just.

00:15:05
Speaker 3: Give it a little more time, oh Jesus, and until that resentment work really stands out. And then you got to tell them, tell.

00:15:13
Speaker 1: Us, okay, true, Well, Susan, I gotta say to you. I don't like labels either, But for those of you who do, you can label your questions like that transition.

00:15:26
Speaker 2: You can submit all your.

00:15:27
Speaker 1: Questions to us. All you have to do is go to bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour. Please submit your questions, your comments, your thoughts, anything you think about the questions we've answered. Maybe you've got thoughts on it.

00:15:40
Speaker 3: And if you feel like we're saying something wrong, write us and tell us, because most people do. I get a lot of things. Oh their podcast. Your podcast was so good when Kathy said this and you said this. I love hearing that.

00:15:51
Speaker 2: One thing for sure.

00:15:52
Speaker 1: Susan and I always have opinions. So come back each week listen to us. We may answer your question, we may not, but we're gonna have on trying.

00:16:01
Speaker 3: Okay, here comes some fun stuff. This what's called grandma Googles?

00:16:06
Speaker 2: It me? How about set of Grandma Kiki and Kiki and me?

00:16:13
Speaker 3: Me? All right, Kathy and I are back with Grandma's Googles. Oh God, Where we break down slang words that people are using in dating and pop culture. I wonder if Kathy knows them all. She probably knows more than I do.

00:16:29
Speaker 1: Oh you know these. I knew one of them, but here we go. The first one is looks Maxing. Okay, it's hard to say, but it is an online subculture focused on extreme self improvement to maximize one's physical attractiveness, primarily targeting young raging from grooming and dieting, which you could consider soft maxing two dangerous unverified methods like jawline altering, bone small or plastic surgery, which we considered hard maxing. Okay, I had not heard of this before.

00:17:06
Speaker 3: I didn't hear that word before, but it makes sense.

00:17:11
Speaker 1: On the on on Instagram, particularly with the young ones. It's all about flexing their muscles, working out, lifting weights. I do it in the gym because I'm all about people our age, getting fit, not having osteoporosis, lifting weights, all that stuff. But I don't do it for look smacking, like hey, people are gonna say, look at her the cut in her arms. But I do think a lot of young people do it. So what do you think are.

00:17:40
Speaker 3: We ad that says, like, how do you think it's affecting young people? I remember growing up everybody was heroin chic. If you will, skinny, skinny, twiggy, bone bone thin.

00:17:54
Speaker 1: People don't know what twiggyan. People they're showing Twiggy was a model in the sixties and seventies, blonde, thin as a real Okay, carry.

00:18:03
Speaker 3: On, but supermodels were skinny, flat chested, blah blah blah blah blah. And it was tough on young people because everybody wanted to look like they did on magazines or commercials, and it became an issue. Just like today, all of this looks what is it look looks maxxing people. Young, young people want to have stuff done to their face. I mean, at twenty years old, I don't even know if you're done developing yet.

00:18:33
Speaker 2: But here's the thing.

00:18:34
Speaker 1: Social media, as we all know, tells the story and the looks of who we want to be, not who we necessarily are. It shows the highlights of our lives. So I with I'm with uses and that again we're agreeing that people are spending, young people are spending. I don't care if you call it looks maxine. You know, I don't care what.

00:18:59
Speaker 3: You maxing everything bone.

00:19:01
Speaker 2: I don't care hard.

00:19:02
Speaker 1: Maxing, soft maxing, I don't care. I think it speaks to a culture of people never being satisfied with who they are altering themselves. The point is, you know, if little is good, more is better, and that's what I think has happened. People have taken it. That's why it's called maxing. In my book, they've taken it to the max, to the extreme. You know, I saw it on Bachelor and Paradise. They didn't show it all. But these young people, Leslie and I are doing our one hundred pushups in the beach not to flex muscles. We're doing it to be fit so that we can live healthful, healthfully you know as we age. Yes, some of the young ones I'm telling they're greasing up their arms, they're pumping iron because they want that look, and they're eating only protein. Like God, what they're doing in their bodies like that, to me is a whole dynamic of a subculture today of uh. And I think it's I think it's you know, it's it's more about wanting that chiseled you know, that that look. I wish people would focus as much on being kind.

00:20:15
Speaker 3: And I don't think self there's anything wrong with self improvement, making yourself look the best that you can to a point, not to the extreme. I think that's where we draw the line.

00:20:29
Speaker 1: But your extreme is somebody else's normal average. So I don't know, but I think I think that uh, you know, it's let me say this, it's gonna put you and I are very comfortable in who we are. We we yes, we've had you know, lower face, Yeah, nip and tuck and all that. But yeah, I do it for me, but also you and I are We accept our age. We want to look the best we can, feel the best we can, but we are self confident about who we are. It concerns me a little bit this younger, these young's, that's what I call anybody under the age of you know, forty. They're doing such drastic things to themselves because they're not satisfied with who they are. And that speaks to a lack of self confidence, a lack of authenticity.

00:21:19
Speaker 3: A lack of they're doing it for the wrong reason.

00:21:22
Speaker 1: That's yeah, So okay, moving on to the next one.

00:21:25
Speaker 3: All right. The next word is floodlighting.

00:21:28
Speaker 1: Those are the things that are on our on our roof that we turn on it.

00:21:37
Speaker 3: Over sharing super deep stuff way too early. So how soon is too soon to start sharing deep parts of your life?

00:21:50
Speaker 1: I have This is such an easy question for me. When you, you and Nancy, the three of us like, we got right down to it, we started sharing meshare so am I But not when I'm dating you and I remember we talked about this, Like I asked you, when should I tell people that my husband died by suicide? And you know, in the beginning, I would tell them on the first date because it was just like the elephant in the room. I wanted to get it out. And then I realized that was a lot. You know, that was a lot for people just they didn't know me.

00:22:25
Speaker 2: Right.

00:22:26
Speaker 1: So I think it depends on the relationship. I tell you anything, I tell Nancy anything because I know you guys love me, and I love you and I trust you, and I know that anything I say, you're not going to judge me.

00:22:40
Speaker 2: You're just gonna say give them more time.

00:22:43
Speaker 1: But but in a date, in the dating world, flood lighting I think can be dangerous because you we have to remember that when you're going on a date or meeting someone for the first time, scare the ship out of them if you if you share too much?

00:23:00
Speaker 2: What about you?

00:23:01
Speaker 3: I know the question reads, have you ever had a moment where you've over shared and it affected the outcome of the day?

00:23:08
Speaker 2: You have tell me tell me your story was that he.

00:23:12
Speaker 3: Was asking questions, which I do like when someone asks, But I was telling them I was just coming out of my boys being at their worst and unshared what they went through, what I went through, and I think it scared the shit out of them. I never heard from him.

00:23:27
Speaker 1: Again, I I I The only time I remember was that somebody walked away was early on after.

00:23:41
Speaker 2: You know, I just wasn't myself.

00:23:42
Speaker 1: I've talked, we've talked about this the first few years after my husband died. No, but so I just wasn't thinking rationally. But I remember telling a guy and I never heard from him again, which made me feel awful, Not because he couldn't handle it, but I felt shame that that that.

00:24:02
Speaker 3: You, like, you were the cause that well maybe.

00:24:04
Speaker 1: Because no, because people talk about things that we don't talk about suicide. We don't talk about those things, right, those are our topics that we stay away from. And so he when he didn't call me back, I was like, it underscored the fact that, yes, you shouldn't talk about suicide, which.

00:24:23
Speaker 2: Is totally wrong.

00:24:24
Speaker 1: We should be talking about suicide, yeah, I'm saying, but that's not everybody's Yeah, not everyone, and people find it uncomfortable.

00:24:32
Speaker 2: So you know, I don't know.

00:24:35
Speaker 3: So this is I probably flood light a lot because it says what's the craziest thing you've ever said on I'll say anything because I don't I've been I understand that I can't alter who I am. I need to be who I really am, or they're not going to know the real me. I can't but fake to be in some way. There's something that I'm not. They need to know. This is it. What you see is what you get.

00:25:01
Speaker 1: I agree, but I'm starting to evolve a little bit differently.

00:25:05
Speaker 2: You and I are a lot.

00:25:06
Speaker 1: I've had men tell me it, you know, men say it. I love you, Kathy, very independent and self confident. You're a you know you're a Yankee vibe. I love that that you're not, you know. Bless your little heart that you say what you mean to me. But you say however, I think.

00:25:24
Speaker 2: I'm thinking for myself.

00:25:26
Speaker 1: I am learning to not be unauthentic. I'm just learning to rein myself in a little bit when I.

00:25:35
Speaker 3: First say too much.

00:25:36
Speaker 1: So yeah, don't be too much myself because I know I have a lot of energy. But I don't want to suck the energy out of a room. You know, when I date a guy, and I don't want to scare off a guy that I find potentially interesting, because what if I told you men always tell me they're looking for independent, smart, athletic, good looking woman who has opinions. Hello, there I am, And they really don't want that. And they really don't want that, so I try to be authentically.

00:26:07
Speaker 3: Why do you think that is, Kathy? Why do men say that but not really mean it?

00:26:13
Speaker 1: Because because I believe men want to be in control and I don't want to manage.

00:26:19
Speaker 3: And trust me.

00:26:20
Speaker 1: I'll need you, yeah, I'll need you, but I want to walk hand in hand with you. I don't want you me. I don't want you behind me. I don't want you in front of me, and I don't I just don't think men want to be needed. They want to take care of us. You and I've talked about this, mention again, mentioning no names. I have talked to some of our golden people and uh, some of the men have said to me, yeah, I need to know that. You know, I want a woman who needs me financially, who needs And I'm like what, And I said that's because then that gives you control. If you financially supporting her, then you are controlling her. And you and I, Susan don't want to be controlled in that way.

00:27:02
Speaker 3: I don't ever want to be controlled. I want to be able to share what I want to do and you give me your opinion vice versa. Yes, I can't tell you what to do. Unless it's a negative thing that annoys me, then I got to share it with you. I really wish you wouldn't do this because I feel a certain way and same if I did something, I would want my partner to say, Susan, could you not do that or not talk like that or whatever the situation is, then you respect where it's coming from. I don't take it offensively. When you really care about somebody and you're trying to share something that really bothers you. That they do that, I understand, but I'll come full force and I have been told just to less.

00:27:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

00:27:51
Speaker 1: I think sometimes I scare off guys saying I've had golden My golden. Male friends have said to me, Kathy, if guys would take the time to get to know you, well, yeah, well you know, if if pigs had wings, they'd fly. I mean, there's an ad answer to that, but I do think, uh, I have to ask you. I think what we're talking about it's like having sex on the first date. You know, it's kind of that same thing. Sure you can do it, it may not play well for you. I mean that's like giving your floodlighting to me is giving uh over sharing your yourself, and that means physically too. And I just you know, I don't think it's always an idea.

00:28:36
Speaker 3: I think it's like deep secrets or things that were a crisis maybe in your life at some point. You don't share that right away. Some things are better.

00:28:47
Speaker 1: Left unset always, or just on a first date always.

00:28:51
Speaker 3: Some reasons are better left onset, and I learned that the hard way.

00:28:56
Speaker 2: I will say to you, I agree with you.

00:28:57
Speaker 3: People I will judge you for for saying some thing. They might judge you because they weren't there. They don't know how you felt about whatever it is that you're sharing. Maybe sometimes you just don't say anything at all. I used to believe in that, and I still kind of do what we don't know don't hurt us.

00:29:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I think I will tell you there are things about my marriage. And I love you dearly and you know more about me than most people do. But there are things that I will never share because.

00:29:33
Speaker 3: Whether I'm not proud of it or it's nobody's business.

00:29:36
Speaker 2: It just I feel like it is.

00:29:38
Speaker 1: It's not paying respect to my deceased husband, and they're not bad things about him. I'm just saying it's private things that I will never share with. You know, when they say if I find my guy, oh, we're going to share a life together. Yeah, but that doesn't mean to your point that you have to share everything.

00:29:58
Speaker 3: Also, Kathy, when a man and you're on a date or a couple of dates and they gripe or bitch about their exes and they go on and on, that's over sharing. Man, you are turning me off. I don't want to hear it, you know.

00:30:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I agree with that.

00:30:13
Speaker 1: I but you know, I think it also comes down to sometimes, you know, men typically there's always exceptions. Men don't have friends the way women have friends. They don't talk like they don't talk, they don't. I mean, there's there's exceptions to this, yes, yes, but I do think that that you and I we can I and we've done it where I can call up and say I just need events, Susan, and I will.

00:30:40
Speaker 3: And sometimes I'll tell you things that you're not happy with but I needed to talk to you about it. I needed to get it out right.

00:30:48
Speaker 1: And but that's but I don't think men do that, and so they how they're raised well, but then when they but that's where they're over sharing I think comes from I don't think I'm even sure they see it as oversharing, you know, I don't know.

00:31:04
Speaker 3: I just know you're sharing forms that they form an opinion. And it's too soon. They don't really know who you are yet, and oversharing they're going to form opinions.

00:31:16
Speaker 2: You mean, if I'm oversharing, you mean, if I'm.

00:31:18
Speaker 3: Not saying you particularly like if I overshare with some things with somebody new, they're going to think of me as a certain way, right. I thought it was funny, you know what I mean, They're not going to think right.

00:31:32
Speaker 1: And you know why, I think that's true, Susan, because I think relationships, Yes, chemistry is important, and you and I've talked about we feel chemistry. If we feel chemistry, we want to go down the road. And chemistry for both of us is pretty immediate or not. But I do think that not sharing too much too soon is actually advantageous for a development of a relationship.

00:31:59
Speaker 3: Yes it is. I agree with that, I really do. Now can you find me a relationshipbody that doesn't agree with that? Let me know.

00:32:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'd like to hear.

00:32:07
Speaker 1: I mean, I would like to have the relationship with a guy that I could have these conversations with instead of having to call you, Susan and talk to you about it.

00:32:16
Speaker 3: We always will. Okay, that's what girlfriends did. That's what well this is speaking of which girlfriends play golf together. Now we got to come up with a plan. I know you live forty five states away. I'll meet you in the middle this year. I need to play.

00:32:31
Speaker 1: Hey, I got new clubs last year. I think I've used them once. I think we should go to North Carolina. We're going to get Nancy to get some golf lessons.

00:32:41
Speaker 2: We're going to go.

00:32:42
Speaker 1: There's beautiful golf courses, a lot of them in North Carolina.

00:32:46
Speaker 3: I know there are.

00:32:47
Speaker 2: So let's do it.

00:32:49
Speaker 3: I'm ready. We got to set it time.

00:32:50
Speaker 2: Here, Susan.

00:32:51
Speaker 1: Could you imagine here you and I are having show ideas all the time. Could you imagine a golf show of people following us playing golf together.

00:33:01
Speaker 2: I mean that.

00:33:03
Speaker 3: I've said it before. Kat if they follow us around with a camera and we'd have a hit show just being us. Okay, we were on the golf course, I can guarantee that.

00:33:14
Speaker 1: Oh definitely, I got you know what, I've got like a whole rack in my closet of just golf stuff and I'm looking at all sections I know just I want to wear them. So but before we you know, head off to play golf, we have to wrap up this. Unfortunately, we have to wrap up this episode of Golden Hour. But thank you to all of our listeners for joining us. We love that you listen, we love that you send in your questions and comments, and we hope that you come back to hear more.

00:33:43
Speaker 3: Absolutely, make sure you rate us, review us, and subscribe wherever you listen to your podcast.

00:33:50
Speaker 1: And you can follow Golden Hour on social media at Bachelor Happy Hour and at Bachelor Nation. Okay, absolutely, in terms you next week and until then, half Grain weake