299 | You're Not Behind—You're Becoming: The CCPT Growth Journey Via the Summit Framework

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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we just recently finished

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the series.

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So this is kind of just

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I guess I call it a palette cleanse,

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but

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it's essentially kind of a one-off topic.

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But something that I think is really important,

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really necessary,

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especially on the heels of the CCPT Purism series.

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One of the things that I've been

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hearing a lot,

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a lot of emails,

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a lot of messages,

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is

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I feel like

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I'm not where I want to be with CCPT.

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I feel like I still am not trained enough.

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I still don't have enough skill.

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I still don't feel like I'm competent or effective in the playroom.

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And so this episode specifically is for you.

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I want you to

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think about this phrase,

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and no matter where you are,

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whether you feel like you've actually

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really done a deep dive and you feel very competent

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in CCPT.

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Regardless of where you are,

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there's always more to learn.

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And you're not behind,

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you're becoming.

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We know how often we say that this is a process of becoming for our kids.

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It's

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a way of being

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as clinicians.

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And no matter where we are on the journey,

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we're not behind,

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we're becoming.

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So if you have felt inadequate,

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if you have felt stuck,

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if you have felt like you're lagging behind your peers or others in the field.

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You are none of those things

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you're becoming.

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And I want to share a couple of stories of transformation.

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I want to kind of talk through

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the fact that growth takes time.

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And there is in fact a proven path forward.

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And so if you feel like there's still more to learn,

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more to gain,

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more to grow,

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which all of us are there,

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regardless of where we are,

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there's always more to gain,

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grow and know.

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There

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are very practical,

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tangible things that you can be doing

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as part of a framework

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to get you further down the journey.

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So if you've ever felt like everyone else gets

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CCPT.

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Or

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you really want to get it and you just quite haven't landed yet,

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or you feel like you're trying to keep up.

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This episode is for you,

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basically,

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because I want to encourage you

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and help you understand that

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your struggles are just like everyone else's.

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And also

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it's the struggle that allows you to achieve what you're looking for.

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Let's,

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let's talk about the butterfly in the cocoon for a second.

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And if you all are familiar with CPRT curriculum,

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you know that this is a story that we share with parents.

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Why?

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Because it illustrates the notion of without the struggle,

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no one ever learns to fly.

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Two

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cocoons

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with butterflies.

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Family watches one

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butterfly create a tiny little hole in the bottom of the cocoon

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and struggles for a very,

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very long time to squeeze its body out of

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the hole in the cocoon and then it lays exhausted next to the cocoon for a while.

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So with the second cocoon,

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the family says,

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you know what,

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let's help.

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So they very carefully cut open the cocoon.

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And the butterfly emerges

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far more easily out of the cocoon because there was no struggle,

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lays next to the cocoon for several hours.

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Now,

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if we stop the story there,

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both butterflies emerged,

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both laid next to the cocoon for several hours.

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We would think that the result is the same.

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Interestingly enough,

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the result is not the same.

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All of you Lepidopterists know this.

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That's one of those random facts that I know.

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The study of butterflies is Lepidoptery,

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whatever,

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so weird what my brain holds anyway.

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You Lepidopterists out there,

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you know

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that the butterfly that the family cut the cocoon open,

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it died.

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Why?

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Because the struggle through that tiny little hole.

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Pushes

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things into the capillaries in the wings

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that the butterfly needs

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in order for it to be able to fly.

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And without the struggle,

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it never is able to fly.

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So let's enlarge this to ourselves now.

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Many of you constantly email me and say,

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oh my gosh,

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I just feel like I'm struggling and I feel like I just,

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I'm not getting to where I want to be fast enough and I

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don't feel like I have enough training or knowledge or awareness or execution.

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Well,

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without the struggle,

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you're never going to learn to fly.

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The struggle is what shapes us.

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It it's what makes us,

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it's what helps us to keep going.

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So

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I often hear.

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I

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know

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everything in my head,

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but when I get in the playroom,

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I just can't seem to say what I know.

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I'm not sure when to say what to say,

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how to say.

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It's like there's just this block,

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you know,

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it's like it can't go from my tongue to my from my brain to my tongue.

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It just gets stuck somewhere along the way.

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I know it,

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but I just can't say it when I want to say it.

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Very common.

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Another

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comment I get all the time is

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I,

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I just find myself swooping in.

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I,

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I solved the problem.

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I rescue kids.

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I wanna fix things.

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I wanna spare them.

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I wanna shelter them.

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I wanna help.

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I want to do all these things and,

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and I know that I shouldn't be,

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but I just like I can't help myself.

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Another

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very common struggle.

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Something else I hear pretty frequently.

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I don't even know that

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I'm doing anything.

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I'm,

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I'm focusing on the relationship

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and I'm,

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I'm

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believing the CCPT works,

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and even though I don't really know a whole lot about it,

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I,

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I do know that the relationship matters and that's the change agent,

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so

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I'm,

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I'm focusing on relationship,

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but I don't even think that I'm helping.

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Another

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common struggle.

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I,

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I think I'm probably just doing it all wrong.

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I'm just not familiar enough and I'm sure I'm saying things and doing things and

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and responding in ways that are just not adherent at all,

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and I think I'm just getting most things wrong,

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and I don't even know

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what's wrong.

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I just feel like most of it's probably wrong.

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And I could give you more and more and more examples.

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So,

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you know,

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I get emails and and I do discovery calls

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and in the coaching groups and the collective,

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I hear these presented all the time.

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And these are normal.

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They are expected.

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And their struggles that are means to an end.

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They're not signs of failure.

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I've

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thought about this a lot actually in

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in context of relationships,

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not necessarily therapy.

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But

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I think y'all know at this point I'm a country music girl,

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so

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everyone says that Florida isn't the South.

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So they're like,

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you're not even like a Southern girl though,

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and I'm just,

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I'm just gonna argue and say that Florida counts as the South.

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So

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Southern girl,

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country girl,

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my thing.

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And there's a song

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that says,

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we don't even fight anymore.

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Carly Pierce,

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absolutely fantastic song.

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But the premise of the song is,

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we don't cuss,

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we don't care,

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we don't yell.

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Like we don't even fight anymore.

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And what she's describing is

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indifference.

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And I think about that a lot in context of relationships because

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if

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you're happy and excited and engaged and

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everything's going really smoothly,

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that's one side of a relationship.

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If you're fighting and arguing and yelling and upset and angry,

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that's another side of a relationship,

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but both

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require engagement and investment.

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I think the most dangerous thing is indifference,

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because if you get to a point of indifference,

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then

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you don't have

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emotion,

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you don't have engagement,

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you don't have the buy in anymore.

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You're just like,

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I don't even care.

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All right,

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so why am I bringing that up?

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Because we often think that

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if

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we're struggling with all this stuff,

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you know,

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it's a problem,

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it's failure,

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it means that we're doomed,

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it means that we're not doing what we should be doing.

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The fact that you care,

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the fact that you're listening to this podcast,

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the fact that you're irritated by your lack of skill development,

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the fact that you're working so hard to figure this stuff out,

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you're invested,

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you care.

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You're not indifferent

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or you would be OK with the status quo.

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Let that

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serve you in

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a positive encouraging way.

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Because

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You will get there.

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You will.

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There's a framework.

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We're gonna talk about it in just a second,

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but before we get to the framework,

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I want to share a couple of really quick stories.

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I'm graduating a couple of groups

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next week,

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00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:25,140
and I just recently graduated another coaching group a couple weeks ago.

283
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,070
And

284
00:09:27,270 --> 00:09:28,099
I wish,

285
00:09:28,309 --> 00:09:30,309
I really wish that I could show you

286
00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:31,580
the first video

287
00:09:32,010 --> 00:09:33,739
play session that I watched of theirs,

288
00:09:34,109 --> 00:09:37,219
and the final play session video that I watched of theirs because

289
00:09:37,469 --> 00:09:39,780
you wouldn't even recognize that it's the same

290
00:09:39,780 --> 00:09:41,859
person except that it's the same person.

291
00:09:43,020 --> 00:09:46,469
I've watched videos of therapists that

292
00:09:46,780 --> 00:09:48,450
were doing directive activities

293
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:49,700
in their playrooms.

294
00:09:50,710 --> 00:09:55,239
While enrolling in a CCPT class telling me that they are fully CCPT,

295
00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:57,140
I watch a first session

296
00:09:57,390 --> 00:09:57,940
and

297
00:09:58,190 --> 00:10:00,500
they're presenting directive activities.

298
00:10:01,780 --> 00:10:04,450
They're asking the child how they feel.

299
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:07,020
They're processing questions and

300
00:10:07,219 --> 00:10:09,729
and prompts with the child.

301
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:14,530
They're bringing up their own dialogue and bringing up their own topics

302
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:15,619
to discuss.

303
00:10:17,409 --> 00:10:20,190
And over the course of the coaching program,

304
00:10:20,739 --> 00:10:21,799
I watched them

305
00:10:22,219 --> 00:10:23,469
lean into the model

306
00:10:23,979 --> 00:10:24,929
and embrace it.

307
00:10:25,809 --> 00:10:27,229
And fully adhere

308
00:10:28,119 --> 00:10:31,539
And they're totally different clinicians on the other side.

309
00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:33,909
And

310
00:10:34,669 --> 00:10:35,830
They grew

311
00:10:36,530 --> 00:10:39,020
And they changed and they had huge breakthroughs.

312
00:10:39,869 --> 00:10:40,380
And look,

313
00:10:40,559 --> 00:10:41,950
there are stages of change.

314
00:10:42,669 --> 00:10:47,119
So often I think that we feel like if we keep defaulting to what we've always done

315
00:10:47,369 --> 00:10:48,369
that we're not changing,

316
00:10:48,409 --> 00:10:49,320
we're not growing.

317
00:10:49,809 --> 00:10:51,679
That's actually stage one of change.

318
00:10:52,750 --> 00:10:54,690
And I'll really quickly go through this because I don't know

319
00:10:54,690 --> 00:10:57,280
how often I've talked about this before on the podcast.

320
00:10:57,609 --> 00:10:59,080
There are 4 stages of change.

321
00:10:59,330 --> 00:11:00,599
So your first

322
00:11:00,830 --> 00:11:03,390
stage of change is you've learned something new,

323
00:11:03,409 --> 00:11:05,320
but you still default to what you've always done.

324
00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,619
That does not mean failure.

325
00:11:07,679 --> 00:11:11,570
That does not mean that you are not moving toward changing.

326
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,340
It means you're in stage one.

327
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,549
There's no stage 0 here,

328
00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:15,869
y'all,

329
00:11:15,950 --> 00:11:16,309
OK?

330
00:11:16,429 --> 00:11:16,770
So

331
00:11:17,030 --> 00:11:18,750
if you are defaulting to what you've

332
00:11:18,750 --> 00:11:20,780
always done after you've learned something new,

333
00:11:21,030 --> 00:11:22,820
you are still in stage one of change.

334
00:11:23,719 --> 00:11:25,799
Stage 2 of change is you default to

335
00:11:25,799 --> 00:11:27,909
what you've always done after what you've learned,

336
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,109
but you realize it after the fact.

337
00:11:30,799 --> 00:11:31,520
Oh man,

338
00:11:31,719 --> 00:11:33,590
I should have done blah blah blah there.

339
00:11:34,309 --> 00:11:36,020
And you still feel like it's too late and

340
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,599
you still feel like it's a missed opportunity,

341
00:11:37,700 --> 00:11:39,530
but you noticed it and you realized it.

342
00:11:39,659 --> 00:11:40,570
That's stage 2.

343
00:11:41,020 --> 00:11:41,929
Stage 3,

344
00:11:42,539 --> 00:11:43,809
you've learned your new skill,

345
00:11:43,940 --> 00:11:46,169
you start to default to what you've always done,

346
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:47,609
but you catch yourself.

347
00:11:48,830 --> 00:11:50,929
And you use your new skill,

348
00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:53,150
even though you started to default

349
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,450
to what you've always done,

350
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,330
you were aware of it and you were able

351
00:11:56,460 --> 00:11:58,309
to stop and change.

352
00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:00,789
That's stage 3 and then stage 4,

353
00:12:01,219 --> 00:12:01,890
you,

354
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:04,609
your default becomes your new skill.

355
00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,309
So regardless of where you are,

356
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,429
you can do big picture CCPT,

357
00:12:10,599 --> 00:12:12,039
you can do very specific skill,

358
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:13,710
you could do just on choice giving,

359
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:14,510
for example.

360
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,789
I'm still not giving kids choices even though I know about it.

361
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:18,000
OK,

362
00:12:18,039 --> 00:12:18,919
I'm in stage one.

363
00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:20,469
Or,

364
00:12:20,719 --> 00:12:21,260
well,

365
00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:21,840
I,

366
00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:25,030
I realized that I should have given a choice after I didn't give a choice.

367
00:12:25,039 --> 00:12:25,309
OK,

368
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:26,349
you're in stage two.

369
00:12:26,559 --> 00:12:30,349
So you can go big picture CCPT CCPT theory,

370
00:12:30,799 --> 00:12:34,150
or you can go very specific to one skill.

371
00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,500
See where you are in stages of change,

372
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:37,830
this should encourage you.

373
00:12:38,479 --> 00:12:41,200
This should help you to feel like you are on your way.

374
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:42,809
Because

375
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,900
when you have those breakthrough moments,

376
00:12:44,979 --> 00:12:47,460
when you hit stage 3 and stage 4 and you realize,

377
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:48,280
oh my gosh,

378
00:12:48,460 --> 00:12:49,219
I didn't praise,

379
00:12:49,460 --> 00:12:50,929
I just encouraged instead.

380
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,929
It's a huge breakthrough moment.

381
00:12:53,179 --> 00:12:53,789
And guess what,

382
00:12:53,809 --> 00:12:55,090
it builds your confidence.

383
00:12:55,950 --> 00:12:58,150
And your practice will totally transform.

384
00:12:59,330 --> 00:13:00,510
But here's

385
00:13:00,669 --> 00:13:01,840
what I need to emphasize.

386
00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:03,070
It is,

387
00:13:03,140 --> 00:13:04,190
it doesn't happen overnight.

388
00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:06,609
It didn't happen for my coaching folks overnight either.

389
00:13:08,650 --> 00:13:10,299
You have to follow a path.

390
00:13:11,010 --> 00:13:14,159
You have to know where you're going and how to get there,

391
00:13:14,469 --> 00:13:15,919
and you need to have support.

392
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:19,059
And that's obviously why you're listening to this podcast.

393
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:23,469
You know that you need someone to come alongside you,

394
00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,270
and so you're getting there.

395
00:13:25,969 --> 00:13:27,739
It's not going to evolve

396
00:13:27,950 --> 00:13:29,190
instantaneously,

397
00:13:29,549 --> 00:13:33,789
but it is in fact taking place and sometimes it's hard to see the forest for the trees.

398
00:13:33,869 --> 00:13:36,419
We lose objectivity when we're right in the thick of stuff.

399
00:13:37,030 --> 00:13:38,820
It doesn't mean that you're not changing though.

400
00:13:40,140 --> 00:13:40,650
So,

401
00:13:40,719 --> 00:13:41,770
I want to really quickly,

402
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:42,359
I've

403
00:13:42,599 --> 00:13:44,630
never talked about this on the podcast before,

404
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,630
but I think this is so helpful in light of

405
00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:49,530
this notion of we're becoming.

406
00:13:50,599 --> 00:13:51,039
So

407
00:13:51,239 --> 00:13:55,479
we developed a roadmap that helps CCPTs understand where

408
00:13:55,479 --> 00:13:58,039
they are in their journey and where that they're

409
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,190
trying to go

410
00:13:59,359 --> 00:14:00,599
and where to go next.

411
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,729
That's something that we created and I've,

412
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:05,940
I've presented it in different workshops and conferences that I've done.

413
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,479
Never brought it to the podcast before and this is

414
00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:11,349
going to be a really quick Cliff Notes crash course,

415
00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:13,390
but I want you to understand

416
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,190
there are 4 tiers of what we call the Summit Framework.

417
00:14:17,609 --> 00:14:18,460
So I created,

418
00:14:18,619 --> 00:14:19,330
if you can imagine,

419
00:14:19,380 --> 00:14:20,580
like a little pyramid,

420
00:14:20,739 --> 00:14:21,020
OK?

421
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:21,419
So,

422
00:14:21,539 --> 00:14:21,700
you know,

423
00:14:21,780 --> 00:14:22,299
a summit,

424
00:14:22,340 --> 00:14:22,500
you're,

425
00:14:22,510 --> 00:14:23,770
you're climbing to the top.

426
00:14:24,219 --> 00:14:25,729
So think about a summit,

427
00:14:25,859 --> 00:14:26,549
pyramid,

428
00:14:26,619 --> 00:14:27,349
icon,

429
00:14:27,539 --> 00:14:29,489
and think about there being 4 levels.

430
00:14:30,619 --> 00:14:31,570
This is

431
00:14:31,820 --> 00:14:35,229
the framework for your tiers of growth.

432
00:14:35,539 --> 00:14:37,880
So I'm gonna really quickly just kind of

433
00:14:38,219 --> 00:14:39,609
give overview of this

434
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,349
so that you have a sense of where you are.

435
00:14:41,460 --> 00:14:42,979
So at the bottom of the pyramid,

436
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,739
think about Maslow's hierarchy,

437
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:45,250
OK?

438
00:14:45,619 --> 00:14:46,859
So bottom of the pyramid,

439
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:48,250
you have clinical skills.

440
00:14:48,659 --> 00:14:51,219
These are your core therapeutic techniques.

441
00:14:52,059 --> 00:14:53,940
You have to start here y'all.

442
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:55,229
If you're emailing me,

443
00:14:55,330 --> 00:14:56,710
if you're joining the Collective,

444
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,460
if you're starting the coaching program,

445
00:14:58,710 --> 00:15:01,859
and you're hounding me about why you can't understand themes

446
00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,419
and why you're not understanding symbolic play

447
00:15:04,909 --> 00:15:08,590
and you haven't mastered the core therapeutic techniques and you're

448
00:15:08,590 --> 00:15:11,099
supposed to be down at the bottom of the summit framework

449
00:15:11,349 --> 00:15:14,150
in clinical and you're trying to get to Insight,

450
00:15:14,190 --> 00:15:15,460
which is at the very top,

451
00:15:15,630 --> 00:15:17,099
it's no wonder you're frustrated.

452
00:15:18,539 --> 00:15:18,739
We,

453
00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:21,010
we don't get to the top of the summit by

454
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:22,919
teleporting to the top.

455
00:15:23,460 --> 00:15:24,099
That'd be awesome though,

456
00:15:24,179 --> 00:15:24,880
wouldn't it?

457
00:15:25,299 --> 00:15:27,849
But we have to start at the bottom and climb,

458
00:15:27,940 --> 00:15:28,299
OK?

459
00:15:28,419 --> 00:15:28,500
There,

460
00:15:28,659 --> 00:15:29,650
there's work involved,

461
00:15:29,840 --> 00:15:30,809
there's ascent,

462
00:15:31,020 --> 00:15:31,289
right?

463
00:15:31,419 --> 00:15:35,179
We don't just manifest ourselves on the top of the mountain or the pyramid,

464
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:36,890
we have to journey there,

465
00:15:37,099 --> 00:15:37,539
OK?

466
00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,140
So if you are struggling with insight skills,

467
00:15:40,219 --> 00:15:41,619
which are at the top of the pyramid,

468
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,390
that means that you don't have the bottom parts of the pyramid built yet.

469
00:15:46,020 --> 00:15:47,780
What are in the clinical skills?

470
00:15:48,330 --> 00:15:49,849
Your reflective responses.

471
00:15:50,770 --> 00:15:52,159
Which are tracking behavior,

472
00:15:52,450 --> 00:15:53,280
reflecting content,

473
00:15:53,489 --> 00:15:54,479
reflecting feelings.

474
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:56,700
And then

475
00:15:56,950 --> 00:15:57,869
your four pillars,

476
00:15:58,109 --> 00:15:59,619
reflecting feelings is a crossover,

477
00:15:59,750 --> 00:16:01,539
so that's one of the reflective responses,

478
00:16:01,549 --> 00:16:02,619
and it's a pillar.

479
00:16:02,989 --> 00:16:04,349
So we have reflecting feelings,

480
00:16:04,510 --> 00:16:05,020
choice giving,

481
00:16:05,109 --> 00:16:05,659
limit setting,

482
00:16:05,669 --> 00:16:06,380
encouragement.

483
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:09,260
Those are 7

484
00:16:09,739 --> 00:16:12,700
clinical skills that you must start

485
00:16:12,950 --> 00:16:13,429
with

486
00:16:13,710 --> 00:16:17,309
and master before you ever think about moving up the summit.

487
00:16:18,830 --> 00:16:21,789
So your clinical skills are your core therapeutic techniques.

488
00:16:21,799 --> 00:16:23,059
You have to start there.

489
00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:25,500
If you cannot,

490
00:16:25,539 --> 00:16:26,700
without even

491
00:16:27,130 --> 00:16:28,150
thinking about it,

492
00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:30,820
if it is not muscle memory at this point,

493
00:16:31,270 --> 00:16:33,260
for you to reflectively respond,

494
00:16:33,549 --> 00:16:34,630
to reflect feelings,

495
00:16:34,750 --> 00:16:35,440
give choices,

496
00:16:35,590 --> 00:16:36,070
set limits,

497
00:16:36,109 --> 00:16:36,979
or encourage,

498
00:16:37,349 --> 00:16:40,260
then you're not ready to move on to the next part of the summit yet.

499
00:16:41,609 --> 00:16:43,530
After you get through the clinical skills,

500
00:16:43,690 --> 00:16:46,659
we move into applied skills a little bit higher up the

501
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:47,619
the summit.

502
00:16:48,049 --> 00:16:52,359
This is the practical implementation of the clinical skills.

503
00:16:52,809 --> 00:16:55,729
So if you have the reflective responses in the pillars,

504
00:16:55,809 --> 00:16:58,330
then you can start looking at the practical implementation.

505
00:16:58,450 --> 00:16:59,880
What are some examples of that?

506
00:17:00,239 --> 00:17:01,599
Returning responsibility.

507
00:17:03,070 --> 00:17:05,310
When you return responsibility in the playroom.

508
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:09,358
It is based on the clinical skills that you've already mastered.

509
00:17:10,430 --> 00:17:11,979
The notion of brevity.

510
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:12,858
What does that mean?

511
00:17:12,939 --> 00:17:14,459
If you can't say it in 10 words or less,

512
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:15,098
don't say it.

513
00:17:17,050 --> 00:17:19,010
What about the be with attitudes?

514
00:17:20,368 --> 00:17:21,989
5 of them you should know them.

515
00:17:22,130 --> 00:17:23,920
You should be yelling them at me right now.

516
00:17:24,089 --> 00:17:24,489
I'm here.

517
00:17:24,530 --> 00:17:24,979
I hear you.

518
00:17:25,010 --> 00:17:25,598
I understand.

519
00:17:25,608 --> 00:17:27,000
I care and I delight in you.

520
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:29,968
Unconditional acceptance.

521
00:17:31,750 --> 00:17:33,979
There's no way you're going to be able

522
00:17:33,979 --> 00:17:36,540
to unconditionally accept a child in the playroom,

523
00:17:36,750 --> 00:17:38,219
which is an applied skill

524
00:17:38,949 --> 00:17:41,939
if you don't deeply and congruently understand

525
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,459
the clinical skills.

526
00:17:44,030 --> 00:17:46,400
If you don't have the reflective responses and the

527
00:17:46,630 --> 00:17:47,430
pillars,

528
00:17:47,670 --> 00:17:50,099
you're never gonna be able to have unconditional acceptance.

529
00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:52,869
And congruence.

530
00:17:53,770 --> 00:17:56,479
You have to know who you are,

531
00:17:56,849 --> 00:17:58,880
you have to accept who you are,

532
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:01,650
and you have to bring that congruence to the playroom.

533
00:18:02,979 --> 00:18:04,619
These are the applied skills.

534
00:18:04,699 --> 00:18:08,660
This is the way that you implement the clinical that serves as your foundation.

535
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:10,729
So,

536
00:18:10,819 --> 00:18:13,020
we're gonna start with the core therapeutic techniques,

537
00:18:13,140 --> 00:18:14,339
we're gonna climb a little higher,

538
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:16,050
we have practical implementation,

539
00:18:16,219 --> 00:18:17,849
then we're gonna climb a little bit higher,

540
00:18:18,170 --> 00:18:19,770
getting into advanced techniques.

541
00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:22,130
This is what we call the refined skills.

542
00:18:23,339 --> 00:18:23,839
So what,

543
00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,109
what does that look like?

544
00:18:25,430 --> 00:18:25,829
Well,

545
00:18:26,239 --> 00:18:27,750
avoiding value laden words.

546
00:18:29,099 --> 00:18:29,780
Now you might say,

547
00:18:29,859 --> 00:18:29,939
well,

548
00:18:30,030 --> 00:18:30,410
Brenna,

549
00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:31,619
I thought you said that

550
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:35,219
encouragement was in the clinical skills and praise versus encouragement.

551
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:38,510
We know that we don't use value laden words because that's praise.

552
00:18:38,939 --> 00:18:41,500
I'm not talking about praising a child in the refined skills.

553
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:43,329
I'm talking about saying things like,

554
00:18:44,020 --> 00:18:44,219
oh,

555
00:18:44,270 --> 00:18:46,380
you found a great spot for that.

556
00:18:47,410 --> 00:18:48,530
It's a value laden word.

557
00:18:49,770 --> 00:18:52,709
That's refinement of the skills that we've already

558
00:18:53,109 --> 00:18:53,530
learned.

559
00:18:54,290 --> 00:18:56,520
What about using open-ended questions?

560
00:18:58,890 --> 00:19:01,449
We don't ask questions in a playroom if you know enough to ask a question,

561
00:19:01,489 --> 00:19:02,640
you know enough to make a statement.

562
00:19:05,229 --> 00:19:07,510
How and when to use I wonder statements.

563
00:19:08,750 --> 00:19:09,300
Y'all,

564
00:19:09,869 --> 00:19:10,030
I,

565
00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:11,540
I watch play sessions.

566
00:19:11,989 --> 00:19:13,939
We use I wonder statements

567
00:19:14,260 --> 00:19:14,780
like

568
00:19:15,189 --> 00:19:15,839
we're

569
00:19:16,229 --> 00:19:17,300
handing out candy

570
00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:18,410
at a parade.

571
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:19,939
Oh my word.

572
00:19:20,189 --> 00:19:21,819
There is a very intentional

573
00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:22,660
way

574
00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,420
that we use I wonder statements,

575
00:19:24,949 --> 00:19:25,540
and it's not,

576
00:19:25,709 --> 00:19:27,619
I wonder if you need to go to the bathroom.

577
00:19:29,290 --> 00:19:31,500
I wonder if you

578
00:19:32,410 --> 00:19:35,180
Excited to go to your party later.

579
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:36,660
That is not

580
00:19:36,869 --> 00:19:38,390
how we use an I wonder statement.

581
00:19:39,910 --> 00:19:40,979
Enlargement.

582
00:19:41,589 --> 00:19:44,739
How do we enlarge what's going on when a child is playing?

583
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,489
How do we handle silence?

584
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:51,310
When are we silent?

585
00:19:51,589 --> 00:19:53,780
How do we handle if a child is silent?

586
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,699
You know how many emails I get,

587
00:19:55,869 --> 00:19:56,390
messages,

588
00:19:56,510 --> 00:19:57,260
calls,

589
00:19:57,390 --> 00:19:58,020
whatever

590
00:19:58,939 --> 00:19:59,699
about

591
00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:01,380
the kid won't talk,

592
00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:02,630
so this isn't working.

593
00:20:03,579 --> 00:20:04,339
Whoa,

594
00:20:04,739 --> 00:20:06,609
let's go back to clinical skills.

595
00:20:07,140 --> 00:20:09,030
Let's go back to applied skills.

596
00:20:09,260 --> 00:20:11,979
We're going to unconditionally accept a child's silence,

597
00:20:11,989 --> 00:20:12,660
number one.

598
00:20:13,410 --> 00:20:16,369
And we can always track behavior,

599
00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,420
even if a child says nothing.

600
00:20:18,479 --> 00:20:20,890
We can always provide choices,

601
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,810
even if a child says nothing.

602
00:20:23,060 --> 00:20:26,790
We can always encourage even if a child says nothing.

603
00:20:27,849 --> 00:20:28,849
So,

604
00:20:29,089 --> 00:20:31,709
we have to be grounded before we can

605
00:20:31,709 --> 00:20:35,229
move up to the refinement of understanding silence.

606
00:20:36,329 --> 00:20:37,880
Handling resistance,

607
00:20:38,449 --> 00:20:39,199
oh boy.

608
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:45,160
So many of us really have a hard time if a child will not come back to the playroom.

609
00:20:46,930 --> 00:20:49,439
If a child says that they don't want to come play with you anymore.

610
00:20:50,989 --> 00:20:53,420
If a child will not leave their mom's lap

611
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:54,430
in the lobby.

612
00:20:56,650 --> 00:20:58,650
This is refinement of skills.

613
00:20:59,530 --> 00:21:01,670
And providing narrative commentary

614
00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:06,109
so that we're not just tracking behavior over and over and over again,

615
00:21:06,479 --> 00:21:09,109
we can actually provide narrative commentary instead.

616
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:12,479
Notice how this is refinement of stuff that we've already learned.

617
00:21:13,959 --> 00:21:17,109
That's 3rd level of the summit and then finally,

618
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,609
the insight skills where we have deep understanding and articulation.

619
00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:24,319
Of the model and what's happening.

620
00:21:24,630 --> 00:21:27,229
So this is where we start to recognize themes.

621
00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:28,180
This

622
00:21:28,359 --> 00:21:30,910
is where we can understand symbolic play.

623
00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:34,709
This is where we're noticing shifts in progress.

624
00:21:35,849 --> 00:21:38,319
This is where we learn how to effectively document.

625
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:40,949
What's happening in sessions,

626
00:21:41,199 --> 00:21:43,989
and this is how we articulate these concepts to parents.

627
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,880
If you are struggling in your parent consultations.

628
00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:49,380
And you're going,

629
00:21:49,469 --> 00:21:49,869
oh my gosh,

630
00:21:49,910 --> 00:21:51,119
I just don't know how to explain this,

631
00:21:51,130 --> 00:21:52,109
and I don't know what to say,

632
00:21:52,150 --> 00:21:53,189
and I don't know what themes,

633
00:21:53,229 --> 00:21:55,640
and I don't know what symbolic play and I don't understand

634
00:21:55,869 --> 00:21:56,939
how to document this stuff,

635
00:21:56,989 --> 00:21:58,380
and this is just a nightmare.

636
00:21:59,439 --> 00:22:00,540
You're trying to

637
00:22:00,660 --> 00:22:02,880
teleport yourself to the top of the summit,

638
00:22:03,410 --> 00:22:07,280
and there are 3 other layers that you have to trudge through first.

639
00:22:08,479 --> 00:22:08,780
And look,

640
00:22:08,819 --> 00:22:10,930
the trudgings lighten CCPT y'all.

641
00:22:11,219 --> 00:22:13,449
This is the most incredible thing in the world.

642
00:22:13,939 --> 00:22:15,170
This is such a gift,

643
00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:16,650
this is such a blessing.

644
00:22:16,979 --> 00:22:19,770
This is something that we have the honor and privilege

645
00:22:20,219 --> 00:22:24,660
of working on and building and learning and growing every single day.

646
00:22:25,390 --> 00:22:25,660
You know,

647
00:22:25,819 --> 00:22:26,449
we're not

648
00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:30,630
Using a post hole digger to install a fence,

649
00:22:30,939 --> 00:22:31,410
OK?

650
00:22:31,579 --> 00:22:32,819
That's trudging through,

651
00:22:32,900 --> 00:22:34,329
that's drudgery work.

652
00:22:34,579 --> 00:22:35,489
This isn't that,

653
00:22:35,619 --> 00:22:36,680
this is exciting.

654
00:22:36,739 --> 00:22:37,410
This is

655
00:22:38,219 --> 00:22:40,250
something that we can be passionate about,

656
00:22:40,859 --> 00:22:42,810
but we still have to do the work.

657
00:22:43,260 --> 00:22:47,290
There's layers of our framework that have to be developed.

658
00:22:48,180 --> 00:22:49,250
To climb the summit,

659
00:22:49,339 --> 00:22:50,689
we actually have to

660
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:52,290
work through

661
00:22:52,579 --> 00:22:54,050
each piece as we go.

662
00:22:55,339 --> 00:22:55,699
So,

663
00:22:55,780 --> 00:22:57,819
I know that was a very quick overview and I

664
00:22:57,819 --> 00:23:00,859
know that does not do our summit framework justice,

665
00:23:01,050 --> 00:23:04,209
but the reason why I'm bringing this to your attention is

666
00:23:04,540 --> 00:23:06,550
the summit is not a race.

667
00:23:07,510 --> 00:23:08,780
It's a path.

668
00:23:10,449 --> 00:23:12,130
And so if you're struggling,

669
00:23:12,180 --> 00:23:12,699
for example,

670
00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:14,290
at the clinical skill level.

671
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:17,099
It doesn't mean that you're failing,

672
00:23:17,390 --> 00:23:19,680
doesn't mean that you're never going to succeed.

673
00:23:19,910 --> 00:23:21,750
It means that you're starting your climb.

674
00:23:24,449 --> 00:23:27,250
My best friend in college was a cross country

675
00:23:27,250 --> 00:23:29,810
runner in college and she now runs marathons.

676
00:23:29,890 --> 00:23:31,839
She actually just ran the London Marathon.

677
00:23:32,089 --> 00:23:34,560
She ran the Chicago marathon in the fall.

678
00:23:35,449 --> 00:23:36,520
That girl loves to run.

679
00:23:36,650 --> 00:23:36,989
I,

680
00:23:37,089 --> 00:23:38,050
I don't get it.

681
00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:41,650
Give me a 5K and I will hang my hat and be happy.

682
00:23:41,729 --> 00:23:43,640
I do not want to run 26 miles,

683
00:23:44,170 --> 00:23:45,530
but she has always loved to run.

684
00:23:46,589 --> 00:23:50,449
And you know what runners will tell you over and over and over again,

685
00:23:50,689 --> 00:23:52,050
especially long distance runners.

686
00:23:52,979 --> 00:23:54,040
It's excruciating,

687
00:23:54,050 --> 00:23:58,640
but you just put 1 ft in front of the in front of the other over and over and over again.

688
00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:02,390
You just keep putting 1 ft in front of the other.

689
00:24:04,489 --> 00:24:05,280
She

690
00:24:05,729 --> 00:24:07,239
had all kinds of

691
00:24:07,530 --> 00:24:09,630
stuff going on in her Chicago marathon.

692
00:24:09,969 --> 00:24:10,510
She ran,

693
00:24:10,569 --> 00:24:10,969


694
00:24:11,250 --> 00:24:11,619
like an,

695
00:24:11,969 --> 00:24:14,640
like in the middle of the night mountain race a while back

696
00:24:15,130 --> 00:24:15,640
and

697
00:24:15,890 --> 00:24:18,400
her legs seized up and she couldn't move them

698
00:24:18,400 --> 00:24:20,239
and like there was all this stuff going on,

699
00:24:20,250 --> 00:24:21,369
but she was like,

700
00:24:21,410 --> 00:24:23,369
I just kept putting 1 ft in front of the other.

701
00:24:25,270 --> 00:24:26,310
That's what this is about.

702
00:24:26,469 --> 00:24:27,949
It's one foot in front of the other.

703
00:24:28,030 --> 00:24:29,310
You're at the start of your climb.

704
00:24:30,189 --> 00:24:31,099
Here's the

705
00:24:31,349 --> 00:24:33,189
wonderful thing about climbing.

706
00:24:34,150 --> 00:24:35,589
If you keep climbing,

707
00:24:35,750 --> 00:24:37,260
you eventually get to the top.

708
00:24:38,390 --> 00:24:39,300
The only

709
00:24:39,469 --> 00:24:40,119
method

710
00:24:40,589 --> 00:24:44,310
by which you cannot reach the top is if you stop climbing.

711
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,270
That there is a finite point

712
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,280
where you eventually will get to where you're going.

713
00:24:52,459 --> 00:24:54,369
And then you're just gonna climb another summit.

714
00:24:54,430 --> 00:24:54,760
But

715
00:24:55,329 --> 00:24:55,890
in theory,

716
00:24:56,030 --> 00:24:56,859
I'm saying,

717
00:24:57,189 --> 00:25:00,319
imagine a mountain and imagine the path to the top of the mountain,

718
00:25:00,449 --> 00:25:02,489
you will get there if you keep climbing.

719
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,089
So this is not failure,

720
00:25:05,180 --> 00:25:07,089
it just means that you need to keep going.

721
00:25:08,170 --> 00:25:08,969
So,

722
00:25:09,260 --> 00:25:12,810
often many therapists will tell me that they feel like they're failing,

723
00:25:13,020 --> 00:25:14,449
they haven't gotten it yet,

724
00:25:14,859 --> 00:25:15,530
they're,

725
00:25:15,739 --> 00:25:15,900
you know,

726
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:16,500
not,

727
00:25:16,699 --> 00:25:18,920
they're not who and what they want to be yet.

728
00:25:19,020 --> 00:25:19,390
Look,

729
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,699
this is not about quick mastery.

730
00:25:21,939 --> 00:25:22,619
It can't be.

731
00:25:23,890 --> 00:25:24,859
Chinese proverb,

732
00:25:25,010 --> 00:25:27,130
you need 10,000 hours to master something.

733
00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:30,880
It's about steady transformation.

734
00:25:31,650 --> 00:25:33,030
It's about steady work.

735
00:25:33,869 --> 00:25:35,699
It's about steady investment.

736
00:25:37,020 --> 00:25:37,469
one

737
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:38,589
foot in front of the other.

738
00:25:39,339 --> 00:25:41,949
You're not supposed to already be at the top of the mountain.

739
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:44,949
You're meant to still be climbing.

740
00:25:45,199 --> 00:25:45,989
All of us are.

741
00:25:46,739 --> 00:25:47,099
It's a,

742
00:25:47,150 --> 00:25:48,920
it's a journey and it's a climb.

743
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:49,959
It's an ascent.

744
00:25:50,790 --> 00:25:51,939
We never arrive.

745
00:25:52,229 --> 00:25:55,180
We might get to the top of one summit and then there's another summit to climb.

746
00:25:56,300 --> 00:25:57,449
Always more to learn.

747
00:25:58,650 --> 00:25:59,489
So,

748
00:25:59,729 --> 00:26:01,000
here's what I encourage you to do.

749
00:26:01,209 --> 00:26:02,199
Ask yourself,

750
00:26:02,369 --> 00:26:04,209
what level of those four skills,

751
00:26:04,329 --> 00:26:05,410
so you have clinical skills,

752
00:26:05,489 --> 00:26:06,170
applied skills,

753
00:26:06,250 --> 00:26:07,050
refined skills,

754
00:26:07,130 --> 00:26:08,239
insight skills.

755
00:26:08,530 --> 00:26:11,359
What level do you feel that you're on right now?

756
00:26:12,060 --> 00:26:14,560
And what is the next step forward for you?

757
00:26:16,319 --> 00:26:18,589
You do not have to be

758
00:26:18,890 --> 00:26:20,959
at the top tier to be effective.

759
00:26:22,060 --> 00:26:24,819
You just have to stay adherent to the model

760
00:26:25,430 --> 00:26:26,260
and keep growing.

761
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:30,579
And you are becoming exactly the therapist that you're meant to be,

762
00:26:31,189 --> 00:26:32,300
regardless of where you are.

763
00:26:33,719 --> 00:26:35,510
So be encouraged,

764
00:26:36,180 --> 00:26:37,329
real struggles

765
00:26:37,670 --> 00:26:39,069
lead to real growth.

766
00:26:39,790 --> 00:26:42,810
And you have a real framework that shows you where you are,

767
00:26:43,339 --> 00:26:45,380
that can help you and provide you with insight.

768
00:26:46,510 --> 00:26:47,300
So

769
00:26:47,589 --> 00:26:50,020
if you want me to come alongside you,

770
00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:51,939
I am happy to coach you.

771
00:26:52,150 --> 00:26:55,099
I have coaching people that have already gone on this journey

772
00:26:55,349 --> 00:26:55,900
and like I said,

773
00:26:55,989 --> 00:26:57,800
they're totally different clinicians.

774
00:26:58,069 --> 00:26:59,430
Schedule a discovery call with me.

775
00:26:59,510 --> 00:27:01,819
I would be happy to make sure that it's a good fit for you.

776
00:27:02,270 --> 00:27:03,300
Join the Collective.

777
00:27:03,479 --> 00:27:06,140
You have an online community of almost 200 people

778
00:27:06,630 --> 00:27:08,969
that are climbing their own summit

779
00:27:09,270 --> 00:27:10,469
right next to you

780
00:27:10,910 --> 00:27:12,829
with discussion boards and forums and whatever.

781
00:27:12,910 --> 00:27:15,469
There are things you can do to support your climb.

782
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:19,050
But inevitably it's up to you to keep climbing,

783
00:27:19,459 --> 00:27:20,930
so be encouraged,

784
00:27:21,140 --> 00:27:22,540
know that it is worth it.

785
00:27:23,369 --> 00:27:26,180
Because every kid that walks into your playroom

786
00:27:26,790 --> 00:27:27,530
is worth it.

787
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:29,469
That's our why

788
00:27:30,500 --> 00:27:33,089
Every single kid every single hour.

789
00:27:34,619 --> 00:27:35,739
We keep climbing,

790
00:27:35,859 --> 00:27:38,650
we keep becoming a better version of ourselves for them,

791
00:27:39,180 --> 00:27:41,770
they become a better version of themselves as a result.

792
00:27:42,660 --> 00:27:43,339
That's our why,

793
00:27:43,380 --> 00:27:44,579
don't lose sight of the why.

794
00:27:46,300 --> 00:27:46,579
All right,

795
00:27:46,780 --> 00:27:48,170
hope that encourages you.

796
00:27:48,380 --> 00:27:50,180
Hope that that inspires you.

797
00:27:50,339 --> 00:27:52,530
If you would like to talk to me.

798
00:27:54,030 --> 00:27:55,300
Share stories with me,

799
00:27:55,430 --> 00:27:56,109
ask questions,

800
00:27:56,189 --> 00:27:56,739
whatever.

801
00:27:57,010 --> 00:27:58,790
brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

802
00:27:58,869 --> 00:27:59,420
Also,

803
00:27:59,920 --> 00:28:00,579
before we go,

804
00:28:01,109 --> 00:28:02,500
our very next episode

805
00:28:03,189 --> 00:28:04,339
is our 300th.

806
00:28:04,510 --> 00:28:07,319
It is going to be a live stream live event.

807
00:28:08,030 --> 00:28:11,150
Please RSVP you can click the link in the show notes.

808
00:28:11,510 --> 00:28:13,550
We have more than 100 people registered already.

809
00:28:13,630 --> 00:28:16,250
I'm sure that number will continue to increase.

810
00:28:16,750 --> 00:28:19,430
So make sure that you let us know that you're gonna be there.

811
00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:25,160
And we will spend time together hanging out this Friday on the 16th at 1:30pm Eastern.

812
00:28:25,729 --> 00:28:26,569
I love you all so much.

813
00:28:26,650 --> 00:28:27,520
We'll talk again soon.

814
00:28:27,689 --> 00:28:27,930
Bye.

815
00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:31,819
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

816
00:28:31,979 --> 00:28:32,900
Brenna Hicks.

817
00:28:33,060 --> 00:28:35,020
For more episodes and resources,

818
00:28:35,140 --> 00:28:39,900
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.