American Idol & Voice Of Queen On The Dark Side Of Fame | Adam Lambert

 I started having moments of shame for being gay once I got famous. I read that ABC threatened to sue you. Yeah, they were pissed. It was a big controversy because I kissed a guy. Oh, that moment. That moment. I was like, well, this is a double standard and this is BS. Tell me more about that. He is a true trailblazer. Glamrock vampire who survived the broken idol. One of the most electrifying voices in all of music. Adam Lama!
 The most dramatic thing in my entire life has been school. It was hard. I feel like so separate from everybody. I could tell she got me. Explain that. I think she knew I was a queen. I think she knew I was gay. And it felt like a very safe space for me to just be myself. The first song I did was a Michael Jackson song. Right, which the world never got to see. No, they didn't air that one. And so I did Bohemian Rhapsody. And the rest is history.
 You find yourself having some of those pinch me moments? I had a lot with Queen, playing these iconic pieces of music. Like, it rubs off on you, like the gravity of that. How has fame not made you more closed off, cautious, quiet? Well, I have something that I know is right to express. I've been doing this a long time, and it's my fucking turn. Hello. Good to see you. How are you? Nice to meet you.
 Welcome. So we begin. There she is. Tell everybody who that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody, the person who first really believed in me was Lynn Broyles. And she is? She is a voice teacher. She's a director. She's a performer herself. When I met her, she was starting to teach voice lessons in North County, San Diego, out of her apartment.
 How'd y'all meet? Do you know, I actually am not totally sure. I think my grandmother saw an ad that she ran because she lived in like a condo village, like I think nearby or close by or something like that. And so I think my grandma tipped me off. Who was the other, who I thought of also naming as a person who believed in me, but we went with Lynn. First impressions. She was...
 Fierce. I mean, like I could tell right away, like she was, you know, kind of a diva in the best possible sense of the word. Adam Lambert loves a diva. I mean, yeah. Even at 13, I was like, you know, drawn like a moth to the flame, you know. I could tell she got me really quickly. I could tell she like... Explain that. Something about the way she just kind of got it. I don't know how to describe it. It was like...
 Like a rhythm that you shared? I think, first of all, it was a humor thing. Okay. Because I think she, you know, wanted to be professional and conduct herself in a very, more of a serious manner with her, you know, she took the voice lessons very seriously. And I would find ways to make her laugh. And I think she was surprised by that, that I could kind of snap her out of her, you know, her teacher mode.
 Some teachers would be annoyed and think you would be in a goof off. She enjoyed it. She enjoyed it. But like it was almost like at first she was like, wait, am I supposed to lap? Oh, like after a second it clicked and I think we just saw each other. You seem like an old soul. Maybe. Yeah, maybe. And she definitely is too. I mean, it was this like – it felt like we had known each other before if you believe in that sort of woo-woo thing.
 I love, tell me more because I was looking in the research and you actually brought up a point with her regarding kind of like a karmic read. That's what it felt like. It just felt, it felt like she knew things about me. Like we had met, like, you know, if you want to get into the. Give me more examples. It felt like past life stuff to me. It felt like there was a connection there, an understanding, a familiarity. Can you remember one example?
 I think it was just, it was the humor. It was like, it was also very like rhythmic. Like we were very, we would like, we could like throw the ball back and forth and kind of banter in a very natural, quippy kind of way. Had you found a teacher or mentor like her before that? No, this was the first time I had found that.
 Were you a kid who really applied himself before that? If I liked something, I applied myself. If I found it naturally interesting, I was in. How quickly did it take you to get in to both her and what she was teaching?
 I mean, that's what was so great. It was so instant. Right away. This like instant ease. And when she was explaining vocal technique to me, it was the first time it really made sense. Because I think she also really understood my instrument right away. In fact, funny story is that at one point we recorded – we would record like every lesson. At one point we were recording a song. And –
 I had like a tape thing. She had like a tape set up and she played it back and it was the wrong speed. And she thought it was her and I thought it was her. And then we realized, oh, no, no, that's me. So there was this like weird, like if you change the pitch of it, it almost sounded like we sounded like the same singer in a weird way. So there's some like strange like kinship there.
 Oh, I've seen a lot of cute kids. This nugget. Redheaded. That head of hair. Yes. Redheaded. If I met him at that age on this day, what would I have seen? I had a lot of energy. According to my parents, I was like, when I was a baby, I would like, I was crying. I was colicky. Like I cried a lot. And then as like a toddler into my like childhood, I just had a lot of ideas. I was really talkative. Mom said you were very loud.
 Yeah. And I started talking very early. I was like two, like having full conversations. So I was a verbal kid. As a child, I couldn't be bothered with like kid stuff. I always wanted to be with and hang out and talk with the adults. I think I would probably categorize myself the same way. I got along with adults. Like I got, it was a better, again, it's like her, there was a better connection there. There was a better connection.
 rapport with adults. I don't know what it was. I felt the same way. Speaking of adults. Tell me about your mom. What's her name? Leela. So describe to people who are listening and not watching what this picture shows.
 I mean, just her being cute, holding me. But it's holding you. Holding me. I'm a baby. I'm probably, what, six months, a year old maybe, I guess. I don't know how to describe it. You're 44 today. Looking back with sort of the grace that comes with age as I watch you smile looking at the picture. Tell me about who that young woman was. I mean, that's what I think I'm smiling at is just she looks so young. I mean, my mom had me when she was 22.
 I mean, I can't imagine having kids when I was 22. Me neither. They started young. My dad's like the same age, so they were both 22. What made her special? Unique?
 She was also really similar. Probably there was probably a little bit of a similarity energetically to Lynn, which is really interesting. Very talkative, fun, love to tell stories. I remember being a kid and hearing her on the phone to her girlfriends, like in the living room, and just listening to her conversations. And she was such a good storyteller. And she was so like animated and she would break it down and it was funny and it was like there was a beginning, middle and end.
 And there was always, you know, it was kind of gossipy and maybe every once in a while a little catty and she'd be giggling and they'd be laughing. Just hearing her in the other room have these conversations, it like colored my world a lot. Do you have siblings? I have one sibling, a younger brother. He's three years younger. His name's Neil. You grew up in Rancho Pinasquitas. Yes. North of- Good pronunciation.
 He's saying that and we're laughing because I'll tell the story for the audience. Back when I was a local news reporter and you would have been living in Los Angeles at the time. Yeah. Right. So let's call it 2011. There was the horrific shooting at a movie theater in Aurora, Colorado. It was a massacre. And I got shipped down to this town north of San Diego where the shooter, his parents lived there and he had lived there.
 And I'm on the street and I'm standing there live and we're about five minutes away from me having to go live. And at the end of every report, you say, I'm David Begnaut, KTLA 5 News. And I couldn't pronounce Pinasquitas. And dude, even the cameraman was looking at me like, guy, why are you struggling so much? I couldn't freaking. And sure enough, I did it and I performed it. So Adam and I had a good laugh about that. Life in Rancho Pinasquitas was what?
 Kind of conservative, really. You know, I mean, very suburban. You know, that area of San Diego, it's, you know, middle class, upper middle class, somewhere in between. Just a lot of people that were very religious. Were y'all? No. No.
 My dad's like kind of a hippie. Okay. You know. A musician too. Yeah. Like not a professional one, but definitely as a hobby. Yeah. Big into like the Grateful Dead and a lot of prog rock from the 70s. And mom was, you know, a Jewish American princess from Jersey. So like –
 We're not that religious, you know, and Jewish, actually, on my mom's side. Not a lot of Jews in North County, San Diego, especially in Rancho Panosquitos. So we were always sort of like felt a little bit separate, a little alien from a lot of the other people in the community, which was interesting. What was home life in terms of acceptance from your family? Yeah.
 They were always really... They cultivated like a free space for me and my imagination. They were very good at just sort of like not passing too much judgment, not being helicopter parents. They weren't like...
 on top of me, like trying to micromanage me. They were, they, they were really good at letting my brother and I just kind of like explore, go wander around like the neighborhood, make believe. I mean, this is also, you know, it's the eighties. It's like, we didn't really have anything except like a tire squinging outside and Legos. I mean, so it was another time. Like my dad loved us to just go ride our bikes and get some fresh air, go outside. So that was kind of like the style of
 No abuse, no trauma. No, my parents were great. They really were. Were you a dreamer? Did you dream of the stage and stardom? Definitely. You did? Definitely. I think I was a dreamer even before I discovered the stage. I was, you know, we would get like books on tape, you know, you would like listen to it in the car and there would be- Cassette kids. Yeah. Yeah. As 80s kids. There was an, there was Cinder, no, there was Sleeping Beauty, I think we had. Yeah.
 And my mom was told this story that I think the car was hot and that, you know, we'd listened to the tape like a hundred times and I think it melted or something in the tape deck. So it was malfunctioning. Like it was, you know, screwed up and it stopped. And I was like, I want to, well, I was in the backseat going, where's the words? Cause I was reciting along with it. And the tape turned off and my mom says that I just continued. I knew the script. I knew the story.
 Who was the person who saw that talent in you that we see today, right? For me, it was a speech coach. It was freshman year of high school. And she's like, hey, you need to be on the speech team. I was like, lady, what are you talking about? I'm the videographer for the football team. Like, what are you talking about? And she was the one to say, you have a really good voice. And I thought, I have a good voice? Okay.
 I think teachers kind of pointed it out to my parents. I was in – they enrolled me in like a Montessori preschool because I was talking so much. You know, and that's, you know, like a gifted preschool thing. And it actually didn't work out. I got frustrated with certain subjects that I couldn't get my head around, like things that were sort of math focused, like left brain focused. I really had a hard time with. And I threw a couple tantrums.
 and ended up having to go see like a child, like a therapist, a child psychologist, because I couldn't do – my anger management was not developed. Really? Yeah. How old were you? I was in preschool. So that's the one crazy little traumatic thing, yeah. What did the therapist say? I don't know exactly, but I think she taught me how to sort of count to 10 basically, like how to like –
 be patient with my feelings and process them and use my words. And I had a little anger problem. Okay. But let's give credit to parents who in the 80s didn't look as mentally ill. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, because it would have been very taboo. Therapy in the 80s was not as like wellness as we see it today. No, we weren't woke. It was the 80s. Right. Exactly. So yeah, props to my mom and my dad for being open to being like, let's get him to see somebody and talk about it.
 Today, does the count to 10 tool still work? Do you still utilize that? I mean, it's probably baked so far into my subconscious, but I do find myself as somebody that doesn't quickly go to anger. So you're not quick to pop off? No, I'm pretty rational with my words. Okay. Okay.
 I also, I think I got a lot of that from my dad. I think he was really, you know, we would get, you know, family, you know, I would have like some problem or whatever, you know, like all kids, you know, growing up. And like, my dad would like sit me down and we would talk it out. And it was a debate half the time. There was arguing, there was voices raised, but it was like, use your words. He was really big on like getting me to express what I was feeling or thinking. And that's big. Do you remember a story that came to a head that led to that?
 I mean, it was all like typical kid stuff, like just not fitting in at school or even stuff around the house, like taking out the trash, you know, stupid, stupid, you know, minutia. But just like learning how to express why I was displeased with something or why I was frustrated or why I was, you know, sad. It was good. It was like learning to verbalize these things.
 The most traumatic thing in my entire life has been school. School was hard. Middle school, elementary. Middle school was the worst. And not because of the subjects, but because of the peers. Yeah. Tell me about that for you.
 I remember elementary school was great. Elementary school, I was like, it was great. I mean, I remember like winning an award, I think, when I was at the end of fifth grade and making a speech and the teachers all liked me and the kids thought it was cool that the teachers liked me. You get to middle school, it's not cool if the teachers like you anymore. You know, everyone's body starts changing, hormones are flaring up and...
 Kids get mean and weird and awkward. And I noticed it. I remember sixth grade going into middle school and just being like, I feel so – I feel like so separate from everybody. I didn't have a lot of friends. I didn't know how to make friends. Boys and girls were segregating like crazy at that point. I didn't really get it. It was hard. It was really hard. I want to say something to you that may make sense.
 You know how we live in a world where everybody should be a team player? Yeah. And we're like, if you can't be a team player, that's a negative thing about you. I never learned how to be a team player.
 It sounds funny, but it's legit. Yeah. Being a team player is a learned lesson. Yeah. That you learn at school or among peers. Yeah. It's a socialization thing. Yeah. But when you're not doing a lot of socializing. Yeah. And when you ain't got a lot of friends. Yeah. That kid doesn't learn how to be the best team player. No. You're in your own. Does that resonate with you? A hundred percent. Yeah.
 The one thing that saved me from that, being too far on that side of it, was the theater company that I was in outside of school. I was in a theater company from the age of 10 that met once a week on Saturdays. And the guy that instructed the theater company, he was an educator. He was really big into teaching kids discipline through theater, team building stuff, cooperation, but also competition. I got a lot out of it.
 I don't think I would have known at the time, but like looking back on it now, there's so much that it instilled in me about working with other people. Was that the Metropolitan Educational Theater? Yeah. So you were in that. You had some pretty heavy vocal roles, right, that you were cast in. And you were doing that before you met our lovely Lynn. That's sort of what led me to wanting to take voice lessons.
 I did take – I think I had another teacher before her and I was very frustrated. I didn't like it. And I was the kind of kid where if something didn't come naturally, I wanted to quit. So you're with Lynn and she starts giving you like hard material. Yeah. Right? She ain't doing like bubblegum teen songs. What's she doing? She's doing like Sondheim. Like, you know, strange, complicated melodies and rhythms, deep adult lyrics. Your first thought when she does that.
 I was like, oh, cool. Okay. So you dug it. I'm not messing around. You dug it. At that point, I was such a musical theater nerd. I was eat, sleep, and breathing this stuff. I was listening to all the recordings I could get. I would either check them out from the library or buy them. And I had like every cast recording. I was obsessed with musical theater by that point. So like I knew my material. And I think she recognized that too. She's like, oh, this kid's like doing his homework, you know?
 So some of what she's giving you is abstract, dark, harmonically complex, and some adult subject material, right? Wasn't she the first one to introduce you to cabaret?
 Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I remember, you know, not only was she a teacher, but she would occasionally do a number herself. And we would do these like review shows with all of her students. You know, we'd put on like a recital basically. And we sang the song Money from Cabaret together. And we had so much fun doing it. It was amazing. And later, I think she played Miss Hannigan and I
 And Annie. And, you know, we just had so much fun on stage together. You're 13 years old, right? You also told my producer that she trusted your weird voice.
 Yeah. What do you mean by that? I think she delighted in how out there I was for a teenager in North County, San Diego. I think that's the thing she recognized is like – I mean, I think she knew I was a queen. I think she knew I was gay without us ever having talked about it. You literally became a queen. Yeah, literally. Queen on queen. On state. Yeah. But I think she saw it. She knew. Yeah.
 And instead of ever – But you said she also never like made it a point. No. Like you're gay. No. She never confronted me with it, but it was like unspoken understanding. Yeah. It's like she knew. Yeah. And I think I knew she knew. Okay. Did you know? I think so. Okay. But it was that thing of being a teenager in the late 90s. I wasn't ready to face it. Hell yeah. I get it. Openly. Did you have girlfriends? Not really. No. Like I made out with a couple of girls, you know, to try it on.
 I'll try that on. I'll try that on in my size, you know, and it was not in my size. Touché. Did your parents know you were gay early? Oh, yeah. I mean, we've talked about it since. They were like, oh, we knew, Adam. When I finally came out at 18, they were like, yeah, and? And I was like, well, you're taking like the pomp and circumstance out of this. They're like, Adam, we kind of know. I was a toddler and my mother was...
 literally as a toddler, used to put her yellow canary high heel shoes on the side of my dad's work boots to see if I would get in his work boots because she wanted me to. Oh, she was testing you. And I would get in those yellow fucking high heel shoes and walk around. And so she said to her girlfriends one day, she was at a nursing conference,
 You know, what do you think? Could he be gay? And they're like, they're obnoxious yellow and he's a child. What are you talking about? But she knew. She knew. Sister knew. Well, my mom knew. I mean, I was trying on her clothes after school. Like, I was- Oh, you were? I was playing with her makeup. Really? Like, I was really exploring. Yeah. Oh, wow. How old was this? I was probably, yeah. I think that started when I was a little younger, probably like, probably like nine or 10. And they knew you were doing that? She knew? Yeah. And the thing was, is that when-
 She confronted me about it a couple of times and looking back on it, it was very funny because she made it a point to be like, I don't care that you're putting on women's clothes. I care that you're putting on my stuff. It's not yours. It's mine. You can do whatever you want. And I said, well, then you have to buy me my own makeup. Like I want to play with it. You know, I want to like paint my face. The first time you put on makeup was probably how old?
 Probably like eight or nine. I just have to tell you what a profound sort of thing that is for me to reflect on because there's no way if I wanted to do that, that I could have done that without being shamed to the moon. Yeah. I was really lucky. My parents were cool. Wow. Yeah. And still are, you know. That's extraordinary. Yeah. Because I hear so many stories from so many people that I meet that have had very different situations. And I do consider myself very fortunate that I had that kind of upbringing. Yeah.
 Even though it was in conservative North County, San Diego, where the rest of the community, it was tough. And I think we all knew it. I grew up in South Louisiana. Different. Different than California. Compared to where I grew up, you grew up in New York City. Yeah, exactly. On vacation. Yeah. So you also say...
 That she educated – we're talking about the person who believed in you now, Lynn. She educated your taste. What do you mean by that? Well, she had such great taste. She was – you know, she liked the kind of musicals that were edgier and more challenging and darker and sophisticated. Yeah.
 Judy Garland, Liza Minnelli. That was the other thing is she knew all the classics. She knew the divas. I mean, I was having this conversation the other day with a queer friend of mine and we were saying, you know, back in the day, like when I was first coming out, there was this thing we used to call the gay card. Like, oh, like you got your gay card or you got your gay card revoked. Of course, of course, of course. You know, a co-oculism. But the gay card was kind of like, are you up on your pop culture? Like there were certain touchstones, certain artists. I failed that. Yeah.
 like Barbra Streisand, Liza Minnelli, you know, Judy Garland, like the gay icons, you know, and the classics and some of the camp references, you know, Mommy Dearest, things like that. She was all about it and made sure I was up on my, all of that culture as a teenager. I think that she had gay friends, I'm sure, like before she moved to North County, San Diego to become a voice teacher when she had other points of her life. So she knew, she understood what it was. And again, she was giving me
 the like the cultural sort of lexicon of it all without calling it what it was, which was so cool. She introduced you to Rent. Yeah, that too. Your first reaction when you saw Rent. I mean, I went to New York on my very first trip with my mother when I was 14, the summer of 96. And we saw Rent. It had been open for like four or five months. So it was like new. And it was the talk of the town.
 And I just remember being like, what is going on? I didn't even understand half of it. And then finally, when the soundtrack came out, the recording came out, I was looking, you know, I had the libretto in the booklet and I started reading the lyrics going, what is that about? You know, there was some very adult themes. Very. Yeah. But I just remember thinking it was the coolest thing ever. Did you also remember thinking, I want to be on that stage? I want to be in a show like that. Yeah. Well, I knew when I first got the theater bug, I was 10.
 And I just knew it. Like, I knew right away, like, this is my thing. She had no kids. In a way, do you think you were the son she maybe wanted? She used to joke about that. She was like, she's like, you're my child. You know, it was great. It was like, but it was also like a friend, you know? It was like a mentor. It was like an older friend. And somebody that understood something about me, I knew she got it. We didn't have to talk about it. It was unspoken.
 And it felt like a very safe space for me to just be myself and just express my creativity in that world. You also say she had an impact on how other kids saw you.
 Well, yeah. I mean, I think within the group of students that she had, you know, again, she started as a voice teacher. It started with recitals. And then she kind of evolved it into like, we actually put on some productions. Yeah. And I think, you know, I remember she brought some like acting coaches in from LA. She was trying to get some of the kids like...
 Signed with agents and we had headshots and we – my mom started taking my brother and I to auditions in LA. So like she was really bringing professional entertainment to North County San Diego, you know. But did it in some way change the teasing? Here's where I'm going with this.
 The teasing that I endured was relentless. And then when I started on television, everything changed. Because the bully's parents would see me on television and they'd say, do you see that Begnaud kid you go to school with? Well, he's on the news. Yeah. And so it was like television kind of saved me from myself. All of a sudden you get validated. Did you experience something like that?
 Well, I think going into high school, it shifted slowly. Like freshman year was still a little, I was adjusting. But I think, you know, I started with her a year or so before high school. So, yes, my confidence was being built up. I was, you know, being validated for something that I was good at and being, you know, encouraged. And, yeah, it felt like, oh, I'm good at something. You know what I mean? And I feel...
 In my body in this world that we're exploring together. So going into high school, the best thing about that, as opposed to middle school was that there was a theater department, there was a choir department, there were these arts programs in the school that I finally got a chance to be a part of. And that's where I found my social groove in high school. Yeah.
 Does struggling to find popularity or have popularity as a child, how did that affect when you became really popular and really famous? That's an interesting point. I mean, I've always felt a little bit like that kid in middle school. I've always felt a little on the outside. Yeah.
 A bit of a loner. And, you know, to be honest, I like my alone time. I need a certain amount of it to recharge and to come up with ideas. But it's always been a little thing in the back of my head. So I think when the celebrity thing happened with Idol, there was like an imposter syndrome going on for sure. Yeah.
 Like they're going to, they, they, they're going to find out that I'm just a total nerd. I'm just like a theater geek from, you know, San Diego. Like I'm not a pop star. Like I stumbled into it in a way. And I will say I believed it. When I auditioned for that show, I was like, this is what I want. I can do this.
 You had already, to be clear, when you went to audition for Idol, you were performing in Wicked, right? So you were already a performer with like months of experience. I think almost a year of experience, right? Years of experience. But I'm saying with Wicked. Wicked.
 With Wicked in LA, I had already done the national tour before that. So like I – yeah, and I added some other credits. I was already a member of the union. I was – Sag after. Equity, the stage here. So I was already like a professional performer at that point. So I went down memory lane to watch the audition and there's this great moment. So it's Simon, Paula, Randy, and who's the other – Cara. Deoguardi, yeah. Okay, okay. So –
 You walk up, and I don't know if you remember, but Kara says to you, so are you ready to be the next idol? And she kind of winks at you. Yeah. And you have this look on your face, and you look at her, and you go...
 Yeah, I'm ready. Like, why are you asking that? Of course. I mean, I was nervous as hell, to be honest. The reason why was because I had to quit my job at Wicked in order to get to that round of auditions in front of the TV judges. I'd gone through three rounds already for producers over like a few months. And they were like, well, if you want to go and get in front of the TV judges and be filmed for the show –
 You can't have any professional contracts. You can't have anything in play. You can't have a manager, an agent. You have to be a complete amateur in your status. And we know you're not. So you have to like negate all those contracts. You have to like quit your job and get, you know, you have to get out of all of it. That's a big risk. It was a huge risk. And I was like, okay. And I remember the main producer, this guy named Patrick, who was great, who was really a straight shooter. He was like, I was like, dude.
 Whoa. You're asking me to quit me. He was like, I know. And I'm like, I mean, there's no guarantee. He's like, well, no, of course there's no guarantees. I'm like, I mean, I like looked at him. I'm like, and he goes, I think you're good. He's like, I think you had a good shot, man. And I was like, really? He's like, yeah. I was like, okay. And that's all. I was like, someone thinks that this is a good idea.
 Has someone ever told you you walk into a room and though you may feel nervous, what you project appears to be confidence? Mm-hmm. Because you had it. I don't know where that comes from. It's being an actor, I guess. Dude, I saw you standing in front of them. Yeah. And you – I mean, I've seen nervous kids walk in front of those judges. Yeah, same. You didn't look nervous at all. I think it helped that I was a fan of the show. I'd watched the show for years. Right, right. And like I'd done a ton of auditions for musical theater.
 So you perform and the song was? Well, the first song I did was a Michael Jackson song. Right. Which the world never got to see. No, they didn't air that one. Why? Because the judges looked at me like this. Like it didn't match for them. And I could tell they were like perplexed and kind of not fully sold. And because I had so much writing on this moment, I said, okay, I got to –
 I'm not going to leave until I get through. So I looked at them and I said, hey, what else can I do for you? Let me sing something else for you. And they were like, okay, what do you have? And I'm like, I'll do a classic rock song. They're like, okay. And so I did Bohemian Rhapsody and the rest is history. And that seemed to work for them. Well, so Randy says, it's time for someone like you. Whatever the hell that meant. Paula says, you're one of the most diverse people we've had auditioned.
 Kara says, you're a little theatrical, but you got a good voice. And Simon, who hymns and haws and does his Simon thing, which we all love, is like, yeah, you're good. The funny thing is you look at some of that footage and they cut to him and he's like this.
 He's like really sizing me up. And I remember while they were filming that, I was kind of scanning and kind of trying to connect with all of them because that was part of it, like showing you're not afraid, you know, and that you can roll with it and that you're a good sport and all that stuff. I knew all that going into it. I got what it was. And I looked at him. I stared at him for a while until he kind of started smirking. And I was like, I think he sees me. I think I got him. Like I can like keep up. You've said life...
 is all about taking risks to get what you want. Oh, yeah. Was that the biggest risk you had taken in your life at that point? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I think in a condensed way, you know, in a way that's tangible and you can kind of point to what was risky about it. You walked out. I've taken a lot of leaps, but that one was kind of on paper the most – the biggest turning point for me.
 You, and it's fascinating because there have been a lot of non-winners who went on to become major superstars, a la yourself. Did you think you'd win? No, not at all. I mean, I remember getting every step that I – every like round that I stayed in, I was like, I did not expect it. I thought when I auditioned, I thought, let me just do this because it's my last year to be eligible to do it. Let me just do it so that I don't have any regrets. So at least I tried. Yeah.
 I had no idea that it was going to work out the way it did. I mean, even my first session, I'm like, I'm not going to get this. This is going to be a waste of time. I made that round. I made another round. I made another round. And then slowly as I started staying in, I'm like, oh, okay, this is like clicking. Maybe I do have a chance to stay in. And to be honestly, and this sounds like some diplomatic bullshit, but it's true. I was like, the point of this is not to win.
 It really isn't. I had seen the show. I'd seen people that didn't win that went on to do great things. Jennifer Hudson. Jennifer Hudson. You know, plenty of people said the point is to get as much screen time as you possibly can get. To stay on that show as long as I can stay on that show, to show a lot of things that I can do. Those cameras and producers loved you. We got along great. They loved them some Adam. And then we got along great because I had experience. And I was the oldest one in my season. I was the most seasoned. 20. I was 28.
 27. 27. And that was the cutoff. That was like – you could only be up to that age. So the thinking was, okay, if I don't win, there's hope that I can still – I just wanted to open some doors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I had been doing theater and I loved theater, but I was starting to get a little frustrated with some of the limitations. I wasn't getting taken seriously for certain roles.
 A lot of it was based on how I liked to dress, like offstage, which I found very strange. What turned people off? You know, I like nail polish, eyeliner, that stuff. Obviously, if you're in a show, you have to wear – you know, you have to look appropriate for your costume or whatever. And I always understood that and respected that. But even going into like an audition or –
 It wasn't taken seriously. Is the nail polish, the eye stuff, is that a costume for you? Or is that what you'd wear at home off the road on a Saturday? I just like it. You just like it. Yeah. I just like the way – it's like, what's your favorite color? Why? I don't know. I just like it. I also didn't know you had so many tattoos. Oh, yeah. You got a sleeve. I started doing that. On both arms. I love that. This started after Idol pretty much because at that point I was like, well, now I don't have to worry too much about –
 There's a lot going in there. Pretty boy, bad boy, rocker boy. There's a whole lot. Well, it's so funny to me too because these things that signal –
 certain characteristics or identities or whatever. We like to kind of type people in and box people in by certain things, like by the way they look, how they dress. I've always found that to be kind of ridiculous. I just like what I like, you know? And yes, I'm drawn to maybe a more dark kind of edgy aesthetic, but that doesn't necessarily make me like –
 an asshole. Yeah. Or like a grumpy, you know, dark person. Right, right. You know, I mean, I have my own, you know, stuff that I go through, but it's just me being neurotic. What kind of guys are you attracted to? Ooh, I like pretty boys. Oh, you like the pretty boys. I like them pretty. I like everything pretty. I like making myself look pretty. I like beauty in everything. I love decorating. I love fashion. I love painting. I like making pretty things. I've always been that guy. What are you not like? Hmm.
 I don't like it when people are – their default is rude. My default is friendly. That's like – give me a reason to not like you. But there's so many people you encounter in the big cities especially that their default is back off. Yeah. And it takes a while to warm up.
 You seem very down to earth. Thanks. I think it's just years of going through it. Like this industry has been like, it's been wild. But I've had a lot of celebrities walk through that door.
 And I'm always good at getting them to open up. But not a lot of people walk in as warm and grounded and down to earth as you did. Thank you. I appreciate that. I don't know if I meant it as much of a compliment as kind of a pursuit of a question, which is –
 How has fame not made you more closed off, cautious, quiet? Well, you know, it's funny because if I go back and watch interviews such – like this, this style from right at the beginning, I was a little more guarded and on edge. I think I was more eager to please everybody and say the right thing. It was all kind of like a pageant in a way. I think, you know, Idol was very much that. So I was kind of like –
 That was my introduction to all of it. And I thought, okay, this is how I'm supposed to behave. You want everyone to like you. You don't want to ruffle any feathers. Because on Idol, you want votes, right? So it's kind of like politics, right? And that stuck with me for a while. And then I think over the past 17 years, since I was on Idol, I think it's just, you kind of realize you're like, okay, you know, I can't please everybody. I got to just be myself. It's way less energy to just,
 be consistent and be who you are. And whether it's fully conscious or not, I think it's, I've just become more grounded in like, this is me. This is what I'm about. Has there been a moment where you thought, okay, my career has really skyrocketed because I did this. Well, the idol thing, I mean that, I mean, it clearly just. Yeah. But here, here, here, here's, here's where I'm going with that. I covered a hurricane in Puerto Rico and I,
 After the first day of the hurricane, I kind of just picked up my phone and I started just – there was so much more to say that I couldn't fit in my two-minute piece on television. And I started reporting on social media and it blew up and went viral and brought in millions of followers and sort of changed my career and sent it through the stratosphere. And I kept reporting in a way that made me –
 Concerned less about how I looked and how I sounded and how I was dressed in it because it was so urgent. So, so important. And so I, I just like what that taught me about a life lesson was when you stopped.
 caring about all that stuff and you just were the human you are, you found more success than ever before. Yeah. And it's happening in phases. I think when I put my first single out and I performed on the AMAs and it was a big controversy because I kissed a guy. Oh, that moment. That moment.
 The blowback from that moment was really interesting because on one hand, I was like, oh, shit, I messed up. I pissed off a bunch of people. This is a little early in the game. This was like right before my very first single ever came out the night before. Over time, I came to understand that the label got freaked out and definitely took a step back in their enthusiasm in many ways and in how much money they wanted to keep putting into it. Because you went off script or because you kissed a guy? Both. Both.
 I went off script and kissed a guy doing it, you know? And at the same time, I felt really empowered because I realized, I'm like, well, that's not fair. And I remember, like, I got yanked off Good Morning America the next morning because it was the same network. The network was pissed because I didn't do it during rehearsal. So they were like, you know, they were mad. And I got put on a different network, a different morning show the next morning. And they said, we'll put you on the show. We'll do this last minute switch if you agree to talk about what happened last night.
 And so we agreed. And in that moment...
 I just felt really justified. I was like, well, this is a double standard and this is BS, like- Cause you want me to talk about it and you want to use it- Yeah. To get attention. Yeah, and what I did was no different than what, like I cited Madonna and Britney and Christina, like at the VMAs a couple of years before that. I was like, so women can do it, but not men or what? Or like, if we know that they're not gay, you can do, like what's the, it's a double standard.
 And I kind of felt like I got to like prove my point. And I, you know, like being raised by the father that I had, I learned how to debate at an early age. I mean, he used to tell me when we used to have these arguments, sometimes I would outsmart him and he'd be like, damn. So like it felt like, you know what, I have something that I know is right to express.
 And I know that I have like a point to make. And all of a sudden what it showed me very quickly and early on was that me being an artist in the mainstream, it was much bigger than just me making music at that point. It was what it represented. You know, there weren't a lot of openly gay male pop artists at the time. I mean, we had had Elton, you know, we had these like icons that had come out later, but like,
 The mainstream pop music world, like radio and stuff, like it was the Wild West for me. It was something that no one really knew how to drive and how to navigate. So it was a lot of like guessing. But that moment made me go, okay, well, there's like a cause. There's like a statement to be made. And like this has a bigger ripple effect maybe. And that's what got – I mean slowly I started getting into more like charitable stuff and – Why did you do the kiss? Yeah.
 I've always been a very in-the-moment performer. I don't rehearse things like this when it comes to singing solo stuff. Obviously, musical theater is a different system. You have to rehearse. You have to hit all your marks. But that was one of the things I loved about being a solo artist is that I could just...
 wing it you know i'm i improv a lot i don't plan it all out both like what i'm gonna sing where i'm gonna go how i'm gonna move it's part of the joy of it is that it's in the moment and i think i just got carried away did the guy know you were gonna kiss him no but we had kissed a few times behind closed doors so it was okay
 So you don't do it in rehearsal. You get up on the stage. When did you know you were going to do it before you did it?
 Kind of as I was doing it, it was not a split second thing. To be honest with you, looking back on it, it was a terrible performance. It was not good. I was so nervous. I had bit off way more than I could chew. We had this huge production number. I'd never done anything like that. I knew it was a big deal. It was the VMAs. This was a lot different than Idol. I had been sitting in the audience watching artists like Gaga and Rihanna. I was intimidated.
 And so I think my adrenaline got the best of me. The sound was weird. Something went weird with our sound and our band and the track weren't lined up. I couldn't quite hear the pitch. It was a messy, sloppy performance. And so I think by the time I got to the end, I was like, in my head, I went, you got to do something crazy to take the attention away from how bad you just sounded. Because I did not sing well that night.
 Did he mind you kissing him? No. On stage? So he was cool. Oh, he loved that. He loved it. He was into the whole like 70s, 80s rock lore, you know, the Bowie of it all. He liked the provoking an audience and making them ask, is he or isn't he? He loved all that stuff. Are you all friends today? We've kind of lost touch, to be honest. But, you know, I have nothing but fond memories. Yeah.
 On tape. On tape. Very fond. Yeah. Wow. Well, I mean, because I read that ABC threatened to sue you. Yeah. They were pissed. Because they got a bunch of complaints from like a Christian parent organization. I think they were concerned about ad. You know, I don't blame them. They were put in a position where they didn't know it was going to happen. And that was a learning curve for me. I didn't realize that was something I had to sort of –
 Did the blowback force you to feel bad about yourself or kind of bow up and be like, oh, no, I'll take you home? You know, it's funny. It's such a mixed bag. I felt both ways. I felt empowered to like stand up for myself and dig in a little bit. But I was also scared. I was really scared because I always like, you know –
 The hype from Idol was so crazy. Then there's this moment, it's your first single, and I thought, oh God, is the rug going to be pulled out from under me? And the first album was a bit of a whirlwind, and then that feeling was even worse going into a second album. I was like, am I just going to get one shot like a lot of the people get coming off of a show like that? One hit wonder. Yeah. Who was the worst phone call that called you and had the harshest to say after that? Hmm...
 No, that's a good question. Who had the most human response. It's funny because my management at the time, they were sort of avoiding the conversation it felt like.
 I think they knew I knew what was going on. And we all kind of knew. And we were like, let's just not talk about it. The one person that was really amazing was the publicist that I was working with. That's what I was going to ask. He was great. His name was Roger. Roger. And he was sort of assigned to me through the management company. And he's gay and was really excited when we started working together because he hadn't gotten a gay idol to work with.
 I was the first for him. And so he was very excited to be able to do some edgier stuff and to prove a point and to, like, make a statement and to be proud. Did you hear from young gay kids across America? Yes, I did. Yeah, over, like, the next year, especially when I went on tour. The first tour that I did, the solo tour I did, was crazy. I mean, we had a lot of young people and it was just – you could feel the excitement because it was something they didn't have before.
 You know, this is pre-drag race. This is pre – there just weren't a lot of like gay cultural things for young people to like attach themselves to. Do you feel like that moment assigned a gay label to you? I think what really assigned it was me coming out. I mean that was the first thing. I came out before that happened, right? So I came out on the cover of Rolling Stone was our –
 Was the official coming out, which is pretty fierce, you know. Pretty badass. You know, like I was out. So you're going to do it big. Yeah. And I was – I came out at 18. I had been out my whole adult life. I was very open my whole life. I was even open with everybody on the show. It just never really seemed to come up. Like it's not – it wasn't part of the judging process. I think maybe had I had like a partner or significant other, maybe it would have naturally come up that way. But there was no sort of in to talk about it.
 Ryan Seacrest was certainly not going to – but if you watch back, he was definitely like – he was always kind of taking the piss. He was always making little subtle digs and I thought it was hilarious. Like what? He was just kind of like – he was like, okay. He was like – it was like under the surface. But I got a kick out of it because it was all fun because I was comfortable with it.
 So I was like, and, you know, so yeah, I think, I think coming out right after the show ended, we could finally do press like before, you know, while you're on the show, you couldn't do any interviews or anything. And there was an article that came out on Entertainment Weekly. I was on the cover of Entertainment Weekly before the show was over. There were still four or five contestants left. And for whatever reason, I'm the picture. It's only me on Entertainment Weekly, which tripped me out.
 And it said like, we love this guy. And in like small print in the corner, it said, and it may or may not be because he's gay. And at that point, I hadn't even said anything. I was like, this is wild. This is crazy that this is happening like this. A lot of people would look back on that as a dark moment. I thought it was crazy. Because I didn't have any shame about being gay. And that is the difference. And the other thing that was really crazy looking back on it is...
 I started having moments of shame for being gay once I got famous. Oh, tell me more about that. Because all of a sudden I'm dealing with everyone's opinion in...
 everywhere in the country and around the world, you know, like I was in a bubble in LA for 10 years, like living my life, you know, doing theater and hanging out with weird club kids and stuff like the groups that I ran with, there was no problem. So all of a sudden mainstream, being mainstream, I was encountering a lot of prejudice and a lot of homophobia and all that for the first time. Did it make you want to be less gay per se? Yeah.
 No, in some ways it made me want to dig in more to kind of prove a point. I'm kind of that guy, like, say no to me and I'm going to want to do it more kind of a thing. But it was like, it was a lot of pressure. It still stressed me out. And there is a part of me that, you know, that kid that always just wanted people to like me. So there was definitely an undercurrent of confusion. I got a little, looking back on it, like the first year, I was a little...
 What's the word? Like I was a little tilted. I was a little bit like, I wasn't grounded. I was, I was going through some stuff based on a lot of that. Based on my anonymity being sort of different. Paparazzi at the time was really crazy. It was, it was like an adjustment. And it was really tricky because on one hand I'm like, this is a dream. Like, this is what you wanted.
 And then at the other side of it, you kind of go, well, I didn't really realize that I was signing up for all of this. Did you stop doing nail polish or did you stop doing the eye stuff? Not really. To be less. Not really. I remember I think on the second project, we were like –
 you know, let's strip it back for a video or whatever. Even the, what do you want from your video? It was very like natural. And to me that made sense because it was an emotional song. I was like, to me, it's always like, well, what's the, what's the, what am I performing? If I'm performing something kind of sexy and, you know, moody, I want to look sexy and moody. If I'm doing something more emotional and vulnerable, I want to, you know, be more accessible to people. How much are you on the road these days? I haven't been in a minute. I'm about to be though with this new album coming out.
 which is called? It's called Adam. It's the first time I've self-titled anything. What's the story behind it? It's interesting. I'm excited. In some ways, it's kind of like a full circle. It's sort of where I started with the first album in many ways. Or even if it's not the first album specifically, there's a lot of shades of stuff that I've done before, but in a new way. I think...
 I think in the creation of it, it wasn't even conscious. I wasn't going like, well, fans like this, so let me do this again. It wasn't really like that. But now after it's finished, I can look at it and go, oh, wow, I think fans will make some connections. Did you write the songs? A lot of them, yeah. What's your favorite song?
 Well, I mean, the first single that I chose I love, it's called Eat You Alive. It's a great one. I did not write that one. I was involved in some co-writing at the end, but it's just sexy. It's a sexy song. I got really involved in the production side of it too this time. I worked with an amazing executive producer named Pete Knappy, and him and I spent a lot of time working on the way this song sounded and the texture and the world, the sonic world that the album lives in. Any little something you can send me that you like?
 There's a ballad that I did write called Am I Okay? That's the one I think I'm the most proud of at this point. What's the backstory to Am I Okay? I got out of a five-year relationship a week before I wrote the song and went into a writing session. And like a lot of times with these writing sessions, they're kind of like therapy, especially if you are going through some sort of life thing. Yeah.
 Songwriters are amazing and they're sort of the unsung heroes of the music industry and they don't get compensated fairly and they don't really get their credit. But they are incredible because you go into a room with them and that's how you unlock a song. It's through conversation and throwing the ball back and forth with ideas and everyone's sort of putting their two cents in and creating something together.
 And it's like alchemy. It's like you're creating something out of nothing. So it's a ballad. It's a ballad. How does it sound? The beginning is, It's been a week of going through the motions. Where's the grief? Where's the raw emotion? It's just very confessional.
 It's interesting because I've seen you – I can't wait to hear the full song. Yeah, when I'm like in my breath. That's not right. It was great. I've seen you belt it out. Oh, yeah. But then I saw you sing a Cher song at the Kennedy Center. Yeah, quiet. And it was so tender. Until the very end, yeah. Until the very end. But it was so tender. And the range that you have is just astounding.
 Thank you. I like a lot of different kinds of music and I like singing in a lot of different kinds of ways. And I think sometimes that can actually work against you in the pop world because they say like you're supposed to have a sonic identity and it's like you want your voice to sound the same and recognizable. And I'm like, I get it.
 But I... Commercialized. Yeah. But I always kind of... I think maybe the storyteller in me, the actor in me, the performer who loves to play dress-up, I always feel like each song kind of is its own character in a way or its own sound. Your voice will... My voice takes on different characteristics depending on...
 the rhythm or the intensity of the track or the, you know, what pitch we're at. So it, I feel like slightly chameleon-like when I do my music and I, that's just how I work. How did the Queen collaboration come about? That was why, I mean, they performed on the finale of American Idol. That's right.
 So I think, you know, I'd done my Bohemian Rhapsody audition. I was a finalist. The producers, it was a great idea on their part to ask them. And apparently I found out later that Brian May and Roger Taylor had seen a video of me singing Whole Lotta Love by Zeppelin on the rock week that we had where there were like six or seven of us left. And they were like, but they heard. And so they wanted to come in and do the finale. And Chris was great, too. The other day, the guy that won, like he loved it as well. How many years did you front for Queen?
 10 years on the road with them. What was that like? It's been amazing. I mean, they've taught me a lot, like both directly and indirectly. I mean, just being around them and hearing stories, I've learned a lot about the world, hearing these great stories. Also, just being in the proximity of them on stage. Yeah.
 playing these iconic pieces of music, like just, just osmosis. Like it rubs off on you. Like the, the, the gravity of that. You find yourself having some of those pinch me moments. I had a lot with Queen, a lot of pinch me moments. I mean, we performed for the Queen's Jubilee. I think that was like what, 2018, 19th.
 I'm like starting the song on the steps of Buckingham Palace. Like I was like, this is so crazy right now. I mean, you know, we did rock in Rio for like close to a million people, I think, one year. I mean, there's a lot of pinch me moments. I mean, the first show I did with them was actually in Ukraine, in Kiev, in this like big square area.
 And there were, I think there was like two or three million people like throughout the city watching this on like big screens that were like scattered all throughout like the central area of this. It was crazy. That was my first time on stage with them. So I was, I was really nervous for that one. How does it feel to make the big checks that come with big fame? Yeah, I will say like Queen really did put some coins in the bank, which was nice. It was really nice. But you know, I kind of think like,
 I've worked really hard for a really long time and I care a lot about making sure that everybody in the audience has a great time. And I feel like I've earned the money that I've made, you know, I think, you know, I really want everyone to enjoy themselves when they come to these shows, whether it's like a joyful moment where they're laughing with me or it's completely cathartic and dramatic and they're feeling something deeply like it,
 I'm very concerned with the audience. I always have been. And even like in these songwriting sessions for my solo stuff, that's sort of what I bring to the table is I bring, let's zoom out. How is this going to make a listener feel? What do I want the listener to experience or understand? You know, I always think about a show. You kind of like the producer too. Yeah. In a way, a creative producer. Yeah. In many ways. Yeah. Cause I want to, I want to drive a certain audience.
 journey, it seems as though you don't want to be defined. I think that, yeah, I think there's a part of me, like, this has come up now in a couple of these stories we've told, is that I'm a bit of a contrarian. And if you get into astrology, I'm an Aquarius. So it's like, it is like defined. Like, they say that we're the worst at this, or the best, depending on how you look at it. I rebel against my own self-interests all the time.
 Like, sometimes, you know, like something will be good for me and I'll probably like reject it. Such as? I should exercise more. It would be good for my health and my mood. Okay. I don't want to. Okay. You know, I mean, certain relationship things, certain people that I've met, like if someone hits on me and they seem to be great, I'm usually like, eh, eh. I'd rather go chase after something unavailable.
 It's twisted. And I've done some therapy and I've tried to unpack some of it. It's just who I am. And what comes out of the unpacking? That I'm a contrarian. Like, at least I understand it. I mean, at least I've gotten far enough to, like, recognize my own crap, you know? But no more imposter syndrome like you felt on The Idol. No. Every once in a while it kicks up. Every once in a while, of course. You know, it's not – I don't think you can be totally over anything, you know? We're all works in progress, right? But less and less. Yes.
 And I think a lot of the subject matter on the album is actually about that. It's about sort of looking at yourself in the mirror and accepting all of it. Not just the good ideal stuff, but also like the messy stuff, the ugly stuff. And just sort of looking at yourself as a whole and being like, all right, so I'm everything. I'm all of this.
 And yes, you always want to work on yourself. You can always get better. You can always recognize a way that you can do something differently. But the acceptance part is like kind of major. You don't seem like you waste a lot of heads, a lot of time stewing or spinning in your own head.
 Which I think is quite healthy. I mean, I'm kind of neurotic. I mean, I can go. I can spin. But a lot of it's usually like, to be honest, especially during the pandemic. But it doesn't turn you into quicksand. No. It's more of a hypochondriac thing, really. It's usually like body aches and pains and do I have a cold? But that's where I get kind of hurt.
 Are you a bit dramatic with that? I'm a little bit of a hypochondriac. Like what? Give me a story. I mean, yeah. Well, as a singer, you kind of become paranoid if you're having to, like, you know, especially in theater when you're doing eight shows a week or you're on tour and you have to deliver. The minute you get a little tickle, you're like, oh, God, you know, dear God, please don't let me get sick. Where were you when that happened? I actually, crazy story is that I was on tour with Queen and got COVID. Oof.
 And luckily I had like five or six days before the next show to kind of do my best at recovering. Got like vitamin IVs and NAD plus to like flush my system and all this stuff. And testing every day and testing every day. And the day came to do the first of a few shows at the O2 in London. And I was like, guys, I'm still not testing negative. And I can tell the story now. At the time it was like, shh, don't tell anybody.
 And Brian and Roger were like, okay, we're just going to stay very far away from you on stage. Like, we won't do our normal, like, chum up. Stay, like, 10 feet away from us. We'll get the fans blowing. You know, we did everything we could. And I just, I had to, like...
 Literally, the show must go on. I mean, that's their song and that's what it was. It was like, get through it. And my voice was – it was a croaking out. I sounded like a bullfrog. But I made it work. I sold it. Are you one of these people who doesn't want to retire and will be singing in their 80s and 90s? I don't know. I think as long as it's fun, I want to do it. And it's still fun. Yeah. Yeah.
 Yeah. And I think one of the things I've learned the hard way over the past decade and a half is that the people you surround yourself with is so vital in keeping it fun. I hear that. Because I've worked with people that have been incredible and have made it a blast. And I've definitely worked with some people that made it miserable. Is it true that you ensured your voice?
 It's kind of an exaggerated PR story. I mean, in a way, like when you go on tour, like with Queen, you do have to ensure like you're –
 your instrument in a way. Like a doctor has to sort of like check you out and make sure everything's okay. So you can't make any claims against your, you can't say like, oh, you know, this happened. And so I need to pay out. Oh, wow. That's so it's really for like insurance, like fraudulent kind of stuff. It's to ensure that you're being honest. The mirror, which isn't that like a rag reported that you insured it for 48 million.
 I mean, the policies when you go on a major world tour, they're pricey. I mean, they're – But that's how dumb I am. I didn't even know that voices could be insured.
 Yeah, I guess. Because it is an instrument. Yeah, it's like. If Adam can't sing, the Torah can't go on. It's more like Adam's body's in short. It's not necessarily my voice, but it's like. So what are you doing to take care of that body? Well, I eat very healthy. You do? Pretty much. I have my moments of sugar and salt. When you have those moments, what are they? Ice cream. Ice cream. I love ice cream. Okay. I fucking love ice cream.
 Yeah. But I eat really healthy. Like I try to, you know, it's like I have, I do like a meal program that like where they send your meals for the week and it's all like pre-proportioned and fresh and you just heat it up and it's tasty. Are you in a relationship? No. Single. Happily? Yeah. You know, it's crazy. I had, I think very fondly of my relationship that I had. It, it, like, I think it just sort of- The five year. Yeah. It, it, it was one of those relationships where it was just time. Mm-hmm.
 But I am not really eager to get into another one right now. I've been kind of like, I'm good. I'm good. Are you dating? I mean, here and there a little bit. But I get really tunnel vision when it comes to projects. I'm kind of OCD when it comes to things that I'm creating. I get very tunnel vision, very sort of one-track mind. Because I've been so into this album. I'm like in it. In a relationship, who's first? Yeah.
 What do you mean? The career or the person? That's a good question. I mean, I think that was what I was trying to figure out during this last relationship was finding that work-life balance thing. And it was something that I hadn't really challenged myself to work on in that way before. For years, it was always my career first as the priority, always. And I do think that's how I've gotten to where I've gotten because I put that as the first priority.
 But you start growing up and you've been doing it a while and you realize that you can't hang all of your happiness on your career. Because the minute something goes south, you can't let that put you in a tailspin and depress you, which it has before. So I definitely was trying to find more balance there and trying to find more –
 Feeding the other part of me, you know, the other part of my spirit. You will find that I'm speaking from experience here. I was in my relationship with six years long distance as I went out and chased my dream and accomplished what I was chasing. And I will never forget that I'm waking up one day.
 And saying, this doesn't work for me anymore. And I called my partner. We've been in a relationship for 15 years. And I said, this doesn't work for me anymore. And he was like, what? What are you talking about? And I'm like, me being going. He was second to the job and he was okay with it. And I woke up and I had never been pressured by him. He had never shamed me for it. And I made the decision. And I'm telling you, I moved back to Los Angeles within 30 days. Yeah.
 And I was like, I ain't doing that again. Yeah. So the beauty to not having someone who pressures you into that is when you arrive at that decision, ain't nobody convincing you otherwise. Yeah. Well, yeah. Well, and that's how I work. Like, you can't tell me anything. I have to come to that conclusion myself. Yeah. Yeah. You know, and then the conclusion I came to is this isn't the right vibe, you know? I need to do something different. But I think – I also think that like –
 Because I was so career oriented for so long and I'm not somebody that's worked in a nine to five normal hours type job. I am so used to things happening in little chapters. You know, for years it was a theater. It was a production. You know, you're in a show. You make friends with everybody in the cast. You're buddy, buddy. The show ends. You might stand in touch with like two people.
 So my whole life has been this sort of like transient existence being like a show person. I mean, they call it being a gypsy, which I know is now an offensive word, but I think I have gypsy blood actually in me from my mom's Jewish Eastern European side, so maybe I can say it. But it's that lifestyle of constantly –
 sort of plugging in and unplugging and plugging in and unplugging, especially socially. So I think that that's really affected sort of the way I go through life in all my relationships, whether it's friendships or romantic ones, is that there's a season for things. There's chapters in life. And sometimes the chapter continues. Sometimes you're like, the chapter's over. But do you want one that maybe lasts forever? Yeah. But I think the big thing that I found is that
 When I was younger, it was like, I would love to meet somebody. I would love to have a boyfriend. I would love to get married someday. Now I feel more like if I meet somebody that is that, I'll consider doing it. But it's more – I don't want to cast the role in my life. I don't need a partner. You don't go out looking for a forever. No. And even in dating now, I don't really need –
 a person to fill this role. It's more like if I meet somebody and that's the vibe, maybe they'll be that. What do you like to date? Maybe if I was more familiar with what that felt like, maybe I'm not sure. You'd have to ask the people I've dated. I don't know. I think I work really hard at making people feel comfortable. I mean, that's the same in my social life too. I think –
 I think probably me trying to find that work-life balance thing is probably a big factor for anybody. I mean, a lot of the people I've dated, all the people I've dated, none of them have been like a celebrity. It's always been people that are not on that side of fame, with the exception of one guy that was like a reality TV star in Finland who was, we had a lovely time together. But that's hard. It's a hard adjustment for people.
 Especially for gay men because there's like a whole other layer of psychological baggage that gay guys come with. So it's like, you know, we – asking someone to understand what it is and be okay with sort of letting me shine in certain moments. Or if we go out getting stopped, I have to sign something or take a picture. It's like some people can hang and roll with it. Some people – it throws them off. That's true. Like a lot. I've experienced that. I mean, I'm sure you've experienced it. So it's sort of like it makes finding –
 the right person just a little harder. There's like some extra obstacles in the way. When you're not on the road, do you want to be out partying or just home? Both. I think I used to go out more. I used to be pretty much like a night out. I was really in a nightlife. So you still want to turn it up? It's less and less, less and less. I'm starting to learn to like pick and choose because it makes it more fun when you don't do it all the time.
 You know what I mean? And I recently moved from LA to New York. I did a Broadway show. And midway through the run of the Broadway show, I was like, I think I need to move here. I think I need to change. And so I moved to the Lower East Side in New York. And one of my ways of rationalizing moving and what I told myself was, you know, I'm getting a little kind of like...
 A little stagnant in LA. Like I've been out there for so long. I've been to all the places. Yes, I have some dear friends that I love very much, but I'm just, I need like some new inspiration. I need like new adventures. I'll move to New York. It'll be so different. And what I found over the winter, and it was winter, so that's part of it. But what I found was, no, it's me. I'm just really good at sitting on my ass and like relaxing. Yeah.
 And it's probably because I've worked on such a high output for so long that when I'm not, I just want to chill. Do you turn over friendships like you go through relationships? Sometimes. Some friendships. I definitely have like a core group of people that I love very much that I've known for a while. And, you know...
 What do they say? Like when you're old, you know, the amount of friendships is not what's important. It's the quality of the friendship. 100%. You know, I think when you're younger, it's a little different. That gets smaller as we get older. Yeah.
 Yeah. And I'm okay with that. Me too. I mean, the people that I can really count on to like call me out if I need to, that's a small list of people that'll actually be like, Adam, what the hell are you doing? You know, or like, you know, they'll read me and they'll like give me a hard time about something that I needed to be read about. Do you have trouble figuring out who wants to be friends with the famous Adam and who just wants to hang with that? No, I think in the beginning I did. Yeah. In the beginning it was like, whoa, this is weird.
 But I'm very grateful that I spent 10 years in LA around it.
 going out, being around the, you know, I had, I, you know, I, I, I was socializing with certain, you know, I've met pop stars and stuff like that before I was ever on TV. So like, I could kind of watch it from the sidelines a bit. And I'm thankful for that. Cause that kind of demystified some of it for me and allowed me to see how people are. Talked about cabaret. You did cabaret. You were the MC Eddie Redmayne said, what about your performance?
 I don't know. What did he say? I think he said incredible. Oh, well, he was great too. And he had the same role.
 You brought your teacher, Lynn. I did. To see you perform. So let's go back. She introduces you to Cabaret. And Fosse and all, you know, all of it, Liza, all of it. And then gets to watch you on Broadway. Yeah. I was really excited too. I remember when we were open and, you know, it was like people were reaching out saying, I want to come see you. And I got in touch with Lynn and I was really excited for her to see it. Because I was like, this one, this one is, this rings true.
 This is a full circle moment for us. Lynn's now a mom. Yeah. Y'all still in touch? Yeah. She will see this. Yeah, I'm so glad. We'll make sure she does. Yeah, I'm glad. She's so talented and so nurturing. What do you want to say to her? Thank you. I want to say thank you. Thank you for seeing me and creating that safe space and allowing me to just play. Yeah.
 Because that's what it was. I mean, I remember we were in her studio at one point. And it was like, it was beyond just my, you know, there'd be like your voice lesson time. You come in at 3.30, you have an hour, blah, blah, blah.
 What started happening with her and I was that I would just do work for her because I just wanted to be around and she wanted me to be around. So I became sort of like an unofficial assistant for a while. I would like type stuff for her. I would do like, you know, posters for whatever or, you know, design the program or, you know, run errands with her. All that stuff. And so like I was just around. And then I would just be like goofing off in the studio. And like I remember at one point I grabbed –
 And there was like a wig and a dress and a boa and these heels. And I was running around in character as something we were working on. And I wanted to be this character. And she was just laughing. And we both were keenly aware that like if other parents came in, they might feel uncomfortable seeing this teenage boy running around in drag in the 90s in North County, San Diego. She didn't care.
 And I didn't care. I mean, there weren't a lot of other people coming in. I mean, it was a private space, but – But tell people listening and watching who that may be lost on, how profound it was. Like, help them understand that. It's just so different now. So, it is hard to sort of recognize that. You know what I'm talking about. A thousand percent. It was so different. It just was different. I mean –
 media representation for gay people was like, they was very little, you know, and for a young person trying to figure out who they are and where they, where they are supposed to exist in the world, having very few examples is, is, it's tricky. You're sort of flying blind. You know, now I look at like, it's just, look at what,
 queer people have at their fingertips as a resource. Social media, movies, television, everything's streamable. You have all of these cultural pieces of entertainment or documentaries or whatever, interviews, social media accounts of all these people that identify as LGBTQ or beyond. And it's just like, it's a totally different ballgame.
 Even if you are in an area that's really difficult or if you're in a household that's really difficult, those things are still awful. But at least you got some sort of lifeline now. I don't think we had that.
 David Archuleta sat in that chair. Oh, I've met him a few times. He's a sweet guy. Thoughts on him, the book he wrote. Such a sweetheart. Such a sweetheart. Finding sort of some peace within himself. I don't know him very well and didn't know him for many years, but like a couple years ago ran into him like repeatedly, like out and about in West Hollywood and just like sweetheart. Very genuine, very authentic, kind. You know, we just like...
 It's a loud bar. We're both drinking and just connecting where we could. The understanding of we both came from that show. Isn't that crazy? I'm really proud of him for using his platform to connect the dots for people and talk about it. It's the same thing that I wanted to do at the beginning of my career when I was like, well...
 This represents something greater than me and I'm going to step into it. And, you know, you asked me the question earlier, looking back on it, there were moments where I thought, wow, it's the only thing anybody wants to talk about with me. It's like the word gay is preceding anything else that I do. And the more I talked about it, it was like I was feeding that in a way. And it's interesting because there were times, there were moments where I thought, well, I wish the balance was a little different.
 That's not the way media works. You know what I mean? And I learned really quickly how media works. And they want the most interesting, salacious thing to kind of lead with. And that just is what it is. And I think coming out is really powerful. I think it's really impressive and important. And it can do great things for many people. But I think that's why the movement now has sort of shifted back into sort of, let's make it a non-issue. A lot of queer entertainers who are still closeted aren't coming out because they're like,
 I just want to do my thing. I don't want to wave a banner, you know? And a lot of young people, that echoes with the way they look at it. They're like, why should I label myself? Straight people don't label themselves. So it's like we've kind of flipped. Wow. And it's weird because when we were coming up, it was a totally different – it was necessary. We had to come out or else nothing was going to change. Visibility was so important.
 And the diversity of the visibility was really important. You know, not just having the one comic relief clown on a TV show, but showing that there's all different shapes and colors. This has changed because now it's all mainstream. So just seeing the way that sociologically, the way that the experience of an LGBTQ person has shifted, it's very interesting.
 I was fascinated to find out you have a charity that works with youth in this area. Yeah. Essentially, right? Yeah. It's called the Feel Something Foundation. And the point is? We partner up with larger sort of more established charities or organizations. We do initiatives with them. You know, my fans are like –
 They're so in. Rabid. And they're awesome. Rabid. And so I'm like, well, look, like if I can make something visible that I believe in, maybe they can help and we can do a donation. We can – even if it's not financial, even if it's just spreading the word, repost this. What are some things that have happened that made you feel really good?
 We've partnered with, we did like the LA Gay and Lesbian Center. That was a pretty amazing thing. I helped do like a PSA with them to get the word out about the services that they offer. In New York, after getting out there, I visited the Ali Forney Center. That was really cool. It's some incredible work that they do.
 It's like one of the biggest in the country that they take in, you know, homeless queer youth and help them, help rehabilitate them, help them get an education, help them get a job. Like it's unbelievable what some of these organizations have accomplished. And I've done stuff with the Trevor Project in the past and a lot of different things. And I just try to get involved where I can.
 What's next? Well, next is this album. I'm so excited. Adam is coming out. It comes out July 10th. And go on tour with it? We're doing a little mini tour to support the release of the album. And then hopefully, depending on how people like the album, put something together for next year. What are some big dreams you still want to go after? I want to act more. Yeah.
 Yeah. I like, you know, doing the Broadway run, six months, playing the MC was like a real... I keep using the word full circle, but that seems to be where I'm at in my life, is that there's all these circles connecting right now, which is really cool. TV? Movies? Both. Marvel villain? Sure. If it's an interesting character, yeah. Have you done RuPaul's Drag Race? As a judge, yeah, a few times, yeah. That seems like it'd be a lot of fun. It is fun. It's really fun.
 And Michelle and I are like, we're tight. Man, that seems like it'd be fun. And I love Rue and everybody. But that's like one thing that I'd like to get more into. And I think big picture, besides being in front of the camera, I think –
 I'm an idea guy. I like talking. I like creating things with people as a team. I could see myself being in a producer role too as an idea person. You do a lot of voiceover work, right? Yeah, I've done a fair share of voiceover. Yeah, it's been fun.
 How has this been for you? This right now? I love your table. Thank you. It's been great. You ask good questions. Thank you. I feel like like you're getting some stuff out of me that I might not have even said before. Really? Which is hard to do these days. I've done a lot of these. Well, it's funny because I was I was reading in the research.
 There's a quote at the top that my producer gave me that says, I've said it all at this point. And so that is my job. My job is to sit people down who think they've said it all and hopefully have some kind of conversation that they themselves say, well, damn. Do you know what's really interesting, too, is I think what you were pointing out and what we talked about a little while ago about.
 Over the years, being more comfortable in my own skin, more grounded, being less of a people pleaser. You know, it's the thing they always say is as you get older, you give less of a fuck what people think, right? It's funny because I was always so poised in everything I said, even without realizing it. And I always wanted to have the right answer for something or make people watching it go, he's so good, you know? If you ask me...
 With this project, where I'm at right now, what do you want? The funniest thing is that the inside voice of what I actually feel, I'm actually finally like ready to just say it. And it's that I've been doing this a long time and it's my turn. Give me my fucking flowers. What does that mean? Tell me more. Give me my flowers. I've been doing this for a minute. Like it's my turn. Recognize it. Respect on my name.
 Okay, but you're a global- Like I'm saying to the public. Okay, but you're a global star. Please, go deep on that. I just want people to listen to the damn album. Okay, okay. It's really hard to get people's attention these days. Oh, I get that. Especially when you've been around for a while. I get that. When you've been around for a while, people have already made up their minds about you. You're not new. Got it. You know, especially in the music world, everyone wants discovery. Who's the new thing? What's the new artist? I want to discover something new. Okay.
 But what sometimes I think people take for granted is that as an artist, you also evolve and change. And I feel new. I saw Cardi B do this shtick on social media where she like... Where she was in the subway? In New York City. And she had records just made out on the street. I was just talking about that with somebody. Like, you know, the people in the city sell purses that are knock-off. Hocking her album. Yeah. On Canal Street. And she literally said, she's like, my label told me I need to do something, so y'all come by. And like, it...
 blew the you know what up so like you're right that in today's world you gotta you gotta find some like attention is the currency dumb schtick thing that gets all the attention that then drives the attention to your album and it's it's so funny because you hope that it just comes organically i was having a conversation with a couple friends the other day they're like maybe you need a scandal i'm like i'm not gonna
 I'm not going to stage something. That's ridiculous, you know? And it's sad because it's sort of what a lot of people are doing, I think. You know? And maybe I'm a conspiracy theorist. Life's too normal for you. I watch people and I'm like, oh, that was planned. Oh, well, okay. And I'm kind of a cynic in some ways about it because I'm like, oh, really? Can't just like the talent and the creation be enough? But it's hard right now because people are fighting for the attention of the public.
 So I guess that goes along with what I'm saying. I'm just like, I just hope that people check this music out. Give me a shot. But do you have some ideas as to what you might do to – No. That's the thing. I feel like so awkward about faking something. Why don't you go do something wild and crazy in West Hollywood? It'll make all kinds – I'm not saying – I'm not saying – I'm not – You know, nothing scandalous, but just, you know. Yeah. I mean, I hope that, you know, I'm creating –
 I mean, I just want it to be about the art at some point, you know, and the entertainment at some point. And like, you know, I'm working with some new people. We're creating some visuals. Like, can that just be the thing that people look at? Please give it a shot. That's how I feel on the inside.
 And I feel like I've earned it. I'm still here. The clip of you saying, I've earned it. Give me my damn flowers. We'll get a lot of attention. I feel that way. But you're so right that you need that in today's world. You have to kind of say it. Correct. Yeah. How do we promote this podcast? Yeah. We take clips from the podcast that you hope go viral. Yeah. That drive people in. Yeah. And like, yeah, I work, you know, I –
 It's almost like you have to say the most extreme version of this confident desire. You have to sort of speak it into existence or else people don't believe it. You know, and I consider myself a pretty humble person, a pretty down to earth person. But like deep down, yeah, I worked really hard on this album and I really want people to hear it because I think it's good.
 Actually, no, I don't think it's good. I know it's good. When's it out? July 10th. And it's called? Adam. Proud of you, friend. Thank you. We didn't know each other before today. I know. But I felt like I knew you when I came in. I was like, it's good to see you. And you were like, when? I'm like, oh, I guess I've just seen you on TV that I felt like I knew you. This little kid did well. That little redhead. I'm still a redhead, by the way, underneath all of this. That little nugget did well.
 All right. So, um, also, thank you. I love her. Hey everybody. It's Adam Lambert. And the person who believed in me is Lynn Broyles.