Still I Rise with Gocha Hawkins-Haynes

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Trigger warning.

00:00:01
Speaker 2: This episode discusses sexual abuse. Viewer discretion is advised. If you or someone you know is experiencing sexual abuse, please call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at one eight hundred six five six four six seventy three.

00:00:26
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive, Sweetie. Today I have with me one of my really really really really really really really really good friends, Go Shay. You guys may know her from Gaschet's Breakfast Bar, Groschet's tap Is Bar, or even when she did hair back in the day, but she is here today. We're gonna have some girls talk. I'm so excited to have you here today.

00:00:48
Speaker 3: Thank you. You don't have to stay back in the day like I'm fifty.

00:00:51
Speaker 1: Nine, but you are a restaurant tour now.

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Speaker 3: Honey. Yes, indeed, thank you, Thank you.

00:00:59
Speaker 1: Beck of course, not on excited because you really have a story to tell.

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Speaker 3: Oh God too, you do.

00:01:06
Speaker 1: And I like to highlight women, especially successful women who have made a name for themselves doing it the right way, but to show because a lot of people see us and they only see the light and like, oh my gosh, she's a boss, she's doing this, she's doing that. But they don't see everything that it took to get to where you are today.

00:01:23
Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, you know what I'm saying. I say that all the time when it comes to social media. You know, people only show the positive, you know, things that they're doing. Then you don't get to see the grind and how you know, all the hardships that they had to get you know, and you just see the glorified part exactly.

00:01:42
Speaker 1: That's so real. So I like to give them an insight which makes us more relatable. People can see its me like, oh my god, I'm just like her and I can do it too. That's most important part, seeing that they see themselves in us, but also know that they can do it as well, whatever that is that you want to do. So yeah, so let me see we met. I want to say probably around two thousand and I want to say fourteen thirteen or fourteen.

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Speaker 3: I think it was more two thousand and twelve with twelve twenty twelve.

00:02:11
Speaker 1: Wow, that's gracious. I was been flying, Oh for sure, Tom is flying. I used to wear my hair short like O shake, oh god. She would cut my hair for me. You would cut my hair up until the first restaurant. I would live to go to her office and get my hair. I'm like, Gosha, I need I know you're not doing hair, but I need my hair done.

00:02:31
Speaker 3: You were my postal child. You just didn't know it. I post Crystal to be like bam bam bam, pam. Hits after hits like yes, come, oh, Christal, I need my hair down. Okay, cool, come on a little bit.

00:02:46
Speaker 1: Look, no, we used to rock that short hair. My goodness, no bowl coats everything. That was my favorite. Oh, my goodness, my favorite. I ain't abou have to cut my hair off, y'all. But if I have the itch sometimes to cut it off.

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Speaker 3: But yeah, well you know you can wear a little wig.

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Speaker 1: And true true, oh yeah, I could do that. I actually do have a short way. You're just reminded me. Okay, I could do that when I'm feeling a little feisty. I like that.

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Speaker 3: I like that.

00:03:14
Speaker 1: So when I met you, you were doing hair at the time, you were work you had your own salon and at that time it was that midtown Irish glen Iris.

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Speaker 3: Oh yes, that was glen Iris where yeah, oh yeah, that was back in the day.

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Speaker 4: Yeah see yeah, yeah, yeah, glen Iris was the first line and you were doing the Hawks cheerleaders hair, and then you were also styling celebrities hair.

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Speaker 1: You were doing a lot of things.

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Speaker 3: And that's where I first met Malaysia.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yep, yep. And then you got another salon, beautiful, bigger space in the heart of midtown, right off West Peach.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Then what made you want to say, Okay, I want to do hair? What was it that was like this? Did you just love doing it as a kid or what was.

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Speaker 3: Well, the funny part is when I was a kid, I never wanted to do hair, never thought about it or anything. It was simply I got on the wrong side of the road. I went to prison, and I got out of prison, and I was like, what am I going to do with my life? And a young lady who was doing my hair at the time. Once I got out, I saw how quickly she you know, she would take like the first eighteen people you come sign a book early in the morning, oh wow. And you know, if you didn't get on the list, she was not doing your hair. And so every person that came it was a minimum of eighteen dollars, So it was like a champoint set at that time. It was eighteen dollars. Wow, so a minimum you would get in eighteen years. So I was like, wow, this looks like the next best to selling drugs. So I want to try this out, you know. So I decided to go to hair school. I met a girl named Cynthia and she was in my class and she taught me everything I needed to know about weave. And I tell people all the time she had to be my guardian angel. Because she got out of school, she became a paralegal. She did not even do hair. It was so crazy. I was like, Wow, But I built up my clientele before I even got out of school.

00:05:33
Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 3: So I went straight into a salon with a clientele. That's that's a blessing. That had taught me a lot.

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Speaker 1: That's amazing.

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Speaker 3: Wow, that's yeah.

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Speaker 1: So you say you went to prison, what did you What was that?

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Speaker 3: I went to prison? I did two years? And yeah, I went to prison. I did two years. I had just had my son. And the crazy thing is I went to prison and I got set up twice. One was from a girl that I thought was my friend. The first time it was my husband.

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Speaker 1: That's the worst.

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Speaker 3: Which was the worst.

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Speaker 1: It was.

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Speaker 3: It was unbelievable. But you know, when I went to court, they said they sent his name blah blah blah blah blah to buy crack cocaine from me.

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Speaker 1: What that was?

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Speaker 3: What was on my ath day?

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, And you got caught up in that.

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Speaker 3: So I did two years. And I always felt like he was a type he didn't want me to be out in the streets because he was like really jealous, you know, that type of guy, and did not want me to be in the streets. So I'm going to assume that's why he, you know, did that. But yeah, that was crazy, but.

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Speaker 1: He really didn't want you in the streets. I want you.

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Speaker 3: His mom got my kids. Yeah, I was trying to get my family to you know, keep my kids temporarily, and he wanted his mom to keep them, and so she ended up keeping them. So I didn't get the chance to see them while I was locked up. So it was hard, you know, but you know, it taught me. It taught me a lesson, you know, get out of the streets. But the whole thing was I was looking for love and all the wrong places. My husband was eleven years older than I was, and so I was just trying to find love, yes, and just got caught up doing the wrong things.

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Speaker 1: So wow, where do you feel like that getting caught up? Because I know a lot of women have been that girl where they've gotten caught up looking for love in all the wrong places. Where do you think that's still from you felt like that was a childhood thing or do you feel like.

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Speaker 3: I think, you know, as a kid, I was abused from different family members, and you know, just trying to find love. You know, I felt like I was hurt by all the people who wo who are supposed to love you. And then you know, once I you know, got out, you know, I got a I went to a foster care. I would shuffled from home to home like it was a really rough childhood, you know. And I ended up being on my own at fourteen, and I was just looking for love in all the wrong places, just trying to be accepted, trying to find somebody. And that's how I found my husband. I ended up getting pregnant at sixteen, had my first baby at seventeen, got married at eighteen, had my next baby, went to prison at nineteen, Like it was a lot. And you know, even though I went to prison and did all that. I'm not mad, you know, I'm not. Even though my husband set me up, I'm not mad at him.

00:08:52
Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: All these things that I did experience with the abuse from childhood and so forth, I feel like these were stepping stones life. They built character, They made me who I am today. And I'm pretty happy with who I am today.

00:09:06
Speaker 1: You know, I must say, you have turned out amazing. And you know, people never see the scars, you know what I'm saying that people carry. I don't even think I knew that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, you know, because I tell people, don't let your past dictate your future.

00:09:23
Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 3: I don't ever want people to feel sorry for me and be like, oh my god, you went through all this stuff and I feel sorry for you know, I don't feel sorry for me because it is what it is, you know, and had I not went through some of the things that I went through, I probably would not be who I am today, you know. So I don't regret anything. You know, I still deal with it mentally because sometimes I still feel like I'm not accepted in certain areas or I don't hang with the you know, all the popular piece people. I don't and I feel like, So, those are some things that I still deal with, you know, just being accepted even though I am super successful. I tried to take my success and just make it bigger in my mind to feel like, oh, you'll be accepted now that you're successful even more, you know, So that those are things that I still battle with today. You know I haven't. I tried to go to counseling.

00:10:31
Speaker 1: Next question.

00:10:31
Speaker 3: I tried, and when I went to counseling, I didn't feel a connection. I didn't feel like they were there for me that's important. I felt like it was a job for them. So it just didn't connect. I still feel like I could use counseling, but it has to be the right chemistry, the right person.

00:10:57
Speaker 1: I'm with you, because I struggle with that. I had started doing counseling last year and same thing. It was just it just wasn't a good fit. I'm like, I just didn't feel right. I didn't feel comfortable to tell the person the truth because in order to get help, you have to be honest, yeah, you know, and you have to put that mirror up to your face and be like ooh this is what uh oh wow, and it causes you to really see a lot of things and unpack things that we as adults have literally suppressed for years. Mm and that little girl or that little boy inside of us never heals.

00:11:29
Speaker 3: And I had so many stipulations. I didn't wanna go to a man. Uh huh, you know, and even like if I go to a gyn in collegist, I don't wanna go to a man. Like it's oh, it's so weird. Like it's like has to be a woman and they have to be able to connect n you know, like mentally, spiritually, physical, like this absolutely the whole total thing. And yeah, I just didn't get that.

00:11:52
Speaker 1: It's hard to find. Yeah, it really is, It really is. I've been blessed. I've had my therapist on a few times, doctor Delay and Zimmerman, and she is like the Auntie slash Ayan Levan Zent who's gonna give it to you real and raw. And sometimes it's like did you just say that to me? But it's so real.

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Speaker 3: Do you feel like if they didn't actually go through what you went through or some silar that they can really tell you how to deal with it?

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Speaker 1: Right? No, colossa is just clinical definition or answers. But see doctor Lena. She's been to prison, she's been yeah, all the things, you know, and she's relapsed and cleaned herself back.

00:12:32
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:12:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's recovered completely. So she's lived a life of pain and suffering and knows how to overcome all those things. So she's she's someone who's been through some things that can be like, hey, I can help you get through. She's been married and divorced, she's lived all the things, So then.

00:12:47
Speaker 3: I relate to her. Yeah, for sure.

00:12:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, she is amazing, She really is. Do you feel like because I hear a lot of the young girl in Guchet, that's still we we never lose that little girl inside. Oh yeah, we never do. And I've learned that in therapy. I'm like, wooh, I didn't realize how broken this little girl was inside of me. And we continue to try to mask I know, for me, masking success, men, close, jewelry, whatever, whatever things maybe that make me happy. Yeah, to just keep that little girl kind of pushed in the corner, cause I don't wanna deal with that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

00:13:24
Speaker 1: Do you feel like s that has also had an impact on relationships?

00:13:29
Speaker 3: Oh?

00:13:29
Speaker 1: I like moving forward even after your husband.

00:13:31
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I feel like, you know, a lot of relationships that I were in, I maybe was not mature enough to even deal with the relationships. And I pretty much dealt with it or felt like my way, no way, or to hideway. Fuck it, I'm out, you know what I'm saying. And that was all because I wasn't really mature enough to handle the relationships. I've been a quite a few relationships, and I feel like all of that stems from just the past.

00:14:02
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, so well, yeah, so you recently got married. Now you are married to a woman. Oh yeah, what was it that made gonna be like I'm sick.

00:14:14
Speaker 3: Of eigg Yeah, I'll say all the time. I tell all my friends, I feel so sorry for y'all. Y'all might as well just switch on over to the other side.

00:14:24
Speaker 1: You always say that, you always think Number one, I never really liked guys, you know.

00:14:33
Speaker 3: I think that stemmed from just the sexual molestation that I went through as a kid. I think, really that was it. And then when I did experience guys, it wasn't like fulfilling. I felt like the sex hurt. It hurt, And can I say that what? Oh? Yeah, okay, and any condoms dry.

00:15:03
Speaker 1: I say that because it does kindoms affect women differently. Yeah, okay, this is the real thing.

00:15:09
Speaker 3: Okay, So you know I felt like the sex hurt. I felt like and then when you had to have sex with dudes you had to use a condom. The condoms would dry me out, mess up my pH I would, you know. Yeah, I mean I tried those two anywhere, but still like they still just I still would it would throw off my pH So I still have to go to the doctor, like I just me and just wasn't in for me, Like I tried, and then I felt like guys like it was too much, like the cheating, like it was just too much, you know. And I always found myself attracted to women. I always thought they were so beautiful and I felt like connected, and I just I just gave up. I was just like I don't want a man anymore. I'm just gonna stay with a woman. And you know, I tried it a few times and I finally found someone that I felt like I really connected with my wife, like I'm really happy with her, you are, Yeah, she's super sweet. So on my nurse sometime, I have this T shirt that says my wife makes me want to square up on her. So yeah, but I love her.

00:16:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, Oh my goodness, I love it. I went to your wedding in Vegas. Yeah, so much fun. We had a good time. But I guess your wife was just so in love like that she couldn't even stand up. That she passed out.

00:16:36
Speaker 3: That was the break. I told her. She was scared. You know, this was her first relationship with a woman, so I guess maybe in her mind she was like, oh my god, what have I done? Why she passed out?

00:16:51
Speaker 1: And you remember her picture?

00:16:52
Speaker 3: Yes, and you remember I said, oh it's too late now, you said, I.

00:16:55
Speaker 1: Knew the wedding was over.

00:16:59
Speaker 3: Y'all.

00:17:00
Speaker 1: Ghochet and her wife and have always taken our solo pictures together. And I feel her wife getting a little heavy on my shoulder. I was like, come on, we almost done. She's like, yeah, I just care. I was like, I was like, she's.

00:17:17
Speaker 3: That was a mess. Like I think she was nervous. I think, I don't know, I don't know.

00:17:24
Speaker 1: No, she was definitely nervous. It was a beautiful wedding, man, so beautiful intimate. I love how you guys did it. Yeah, I definitely if I get married. I definitely want to be something intimate like that. It's just my close friends, people I really talk to. They're no losies.

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Speaker 3: Sometime you have weddings and you have all these people half of you haven't talked to in years, blah blah blah, and then you just have this big thing and it's just for that's really for them.

00:17:47
Speaker 1: It is, and I'm not sitting on it doesn't make sense, it doesn't. Yeah, I want to do something cute for my people. We don't have fun. Probably get out of Atlanta somewhere pretty, you know.

00:17:56
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's nice. I'll be excited when it happens me too. And it's coming. Yea, I said you patient, been patient? Yeah, you said a little bit longer?

00:18:10
Speaker 1: How much longer?

00:18:11
Speaker 3: Lord? He said, don't ask me no question.

00:18:14
Speaker 1: He sure did. Listen. He will make you laugh when you try to make plans. I'd be like, Lord, So when are we doing this? I'm ready, I'm ready. Let's talk about what the switch was when you because you career wise, you decided, Okay, I don't want to do here anymore. I'm gonna open up a restaurant. First of all, go shake and cook. Listen, you can cook. Like, I remember we would come to your condo before you moved into your other house. Before you move into the other house. Gay, but I remember you used to cook for us. I'm like, gosh, you can really cook? What was it that was it? Just like everybody told you could cook or you knew, like, I can do this.

00:18:55
Speaker 3: So my mom has or had nine switches and brothers and they all cooked.

00:19:01
Speaker 1: Wow.

00:19:02
Speaker 3: And then my dad's mom she cooked. The crazy part is I never picked up on any of it. Really, I did not learn how to cook until I got married the first time and my husband, I remember cooking and I made Jiffy Mix. Now, he was like an only child and his mom used to always cook for him. So when I came in a picture, I did not know how to cook. So I remember when we got married, I cooked, and I made Jiffy Mix. I love Okay, well I do.

00:19:39
Speaker 1: I'm from the country.

00:19:40
Speaker 3: He didn't like Jiffy Mix. He took that pan of corn bread and he threw it across the room. He said, I wanted a fucking cake. I would ask for a cake.

00:19:48
Speaker 1: That's why I like it, cause it's so sweet.

00:19:52
Speaker 3: A girl. From that day, I learned how to cook like for Realy, I learned how to cook. I went down to my grandmother's house and she started showing me how to cook, and I just started trying, trying, And at that time I was eighteen, So I just started experimenting, experimenting. And my grandmother worked at the country club, and I used to go to work with her and learn a little stuff here and there, and I just started cooking at home. I just started incorporating, you know, little things, and learning and learning until I finally got to write.

00:20:23
Speaker 1: I love that. Well, you got to write.

00:20:24
Speaker 3: But I tell people all the time, if you can read, you can cook. You gotta figure out what works for you. A little bit of this, a little less not. I mean it's easy.

00:20:35
Speaker 1: I love that. And all your recipes are your original life.

00:20:37
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely so good.

00:20:39
Speaker 1: My go to Agott's Breakfast Bar, all the salmon croquettes, the honey biscuit, cheese grit with breakfast potatoes and some orange juice. That's my favorite. I even get it Uber eats to my house.

00:20:50
Speaker 3: I know, I love it.

00:20:52
Speaker 1: It's so good. And then at your tap Is Bar, I love the salmon chips, the lollipop with a jam. So good. Everything you do is amazing.

00:21:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, I work really hard on these things, Like I really have a passion. I realized that after doing hair that this is really my passion. This is the first business I've ever had. I've had several businesses from clothing stores, hair salons. You know, I feel like this is truly my passion and I feel really fulfilled with this. This is the first time I've ever felt fulfilled when I opened the restaurant.

00:21:28
Speaker 1: And what age were you? Because sometimetimes, people especially younger generations, think everything has to happen right now, but they don't realize life is a journey and you're gonna have things you fall in and out of love with. At what point what age were you when you decided this is the shift and then you saw, oh my god, I'm finally fulfilled.

00:21:45
Speaker 3: Oh that was five years ago.

00:21:48
Speaker 1: Oh wow.

00:21:48
Speaker 3: And yeah, so five years ago, like this didn't happen, and I see this happen all the time. You don't have a lot of people. I mean, it's becoming a little bit more common now that success that's just coming younger. But a lot of times people don't find success into their forties fifties.

00:22:08
Speaker 1: You know, it was me late thirties for me, Yeah, when everything hit. Yeah.

00:22:12
Speaker 3: So yeah, like it's just five years ago that I realized that, oh wow, this is this is it?

00:22:19
Speaker 1: Wow? And a yeah, I remember you did have a clothing line. I remember you did. We would go to Miami and you were shopping for clothes at the fashion I do remember. I forgot about that. Yeah, So guys just understand, like there's gonna be different journeys. You're gonna fall in and out of love with things. One year, one passion may be your thing, the next year may not. But don't lose hope because eventually you will find your niche and what you love to do. I love that gush.

00:22:42
Speaker 3: Yeah. And I like to tell people that you should have more than one iron in the fire. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. That's it, because this may not work. So continuously making this work, this work, this workd you know right, because you know, like even when I had my hair salon in Alabama, I had a clothing store. Yeah, you know, I let that go because it it became too much. It was next door. Now, if I would have had the clothes in the store, it was, but it was so crazy, girl, I would be doing here, somebody would come on to buy something. I would have to stop on their hair, go next door, try to shut and show people, you know, what they needed or what they wanted or whatever. It was crazy.

00:23:24
Speaker 1: You was hustling, Yeah, I was, and.

00:23:26
Speaker 3: It was crazy. I want to say this. I don't know if I can or not, but anyway, I tell people that, you know, like sometime you go to people for knowledge, you ask them to help you. And I remember it was this lady who lived in Atlanta. I lived in Alabama at the time, and I went to her and I asked her if she could help me with my clothing store because I did not know, you know, what to do, where to buy the clothes or whatever. And this lady told me that she could not help me. It was a conflict of interest. Now I'll remind you I'm in Alabama and she was in I'm never gonna forget this lady. And she had this boutique over here like close to Lenox.

00:24:06
Speaker 1: Mom.

00:24:07
Speaker 3: Know if you ever heard a signature boutique back in the days, it was his lady named Wendy. I was so shocked. Station shot with that lady all the time from Alabama and I came up here and she was like, yeah, that's a conflict of interest for me. I was so shocked, But I just say that to say that, you know, sometimes you can seek help from you ask people for help, and they don't want to help you because they feel like your competition to them, or you might do better than them or something. And I'm just happy that I'm not that type of person. And I feel like you can. I feel like God blesses you more when you're helping people, you know what I'm saying, and not having a closed fist. Oh no, I can't. I can't help you because you might get ahead.

00:24:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's enough room for everybody to eat. And when people understand that, they won't be like that. But yeah, enough people like I don't want to be in competition with you because you know.

00:25:05
Speaker 3: How you helped me with that video. Yes, yes, exactly, stop my game up with the videos.

00:25:13
Speaker 1: Because I know that's a big part of your branding. You know, that's important to know how to do that, and yeah, so I'm like, I'm gonna show you how to do it. Like it's not a problem I do. I feel like a lot of people do that and I've always been that type of person, like, if I can teach you something, I'm gonna teach you. If I can help you, I'm gonna help you.

00:25:30
Speaker 3: That what you do with is on you.

00:25:31
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying. I gotta keep doing mind, but once I spread your wings and I want you to soar, you know, do your thing. But that is so getting. That's why people are so blessed for sure. I always say your living is and your giving and people look at me and like, oh my God, why her, like why And I'm like, it's not me, you know what I'm saying, Like it's what God has like bestowed up on me. But also the fact that I'm not stingy with it, like yeah, you gotta be able. You have to be a giver. It's always gonna come back in the ways you don't even expect. It may not come back in the way you gave it, but it's gonna come back and be like, oh wow, I didn't even I didn't even expect that thinking about it. Yeah, yeah, So that's a great giver to thank you.

00:26:14
Speaker 3: You heard too all the time, and when you're not even thinking about it, it's just eight. Yeah, it's amazing.

00:26:22
Speaker 1: Thank you. No, but like literally, that's I think I've been like that since I was a kid. Like mm, I think I got it for my dad cause my dad is always like whatever you need, yeah, got you with anybody, Like just the nicest person I ever knew. So I gravitated to the kindness and be like generosity, let me just do this. And when I was growing up, my parents instilled in me tithing. It started with giving to God, and then I realized I was like, Okay, I'm gonna just do it cause they told me to do it and I would do it, and I'm like, Daddy, I did it. And then I got this. This came just like that. I'm like, this type of thing really works. And I was like, well, what if I tried that with other things? And it like literally it always comes back. Whatever you sew, it's gonna come back. See but good to bad? Oh yeah yeah right, whatever you sawing is gonna come back on you. That's so good.

00:27:07
Speaker 3: I used to be happy in church passing around a little plate now to my little dollar man. Back in the day when I was a kids like it used to be so happy.

00:27:18
Speaker 1: We used to I remember when I was broke, broke. I had moved to Atlanta, and I was so embarrassed. I was making six hundred dollars every two weeks, and when I got paid, I so, I'm like, cause I was used to making more money when I was living in DC. Yeah, and I came here, I wasn't making a lot of money, and I was like, oh, I'm sixty dollars. I just felt embarrassed giving God sixty dollars. Yeah, but that's I mean, that was the tenth you know, just giving what she got. Yeah, And literally a friend of mine called me and he's like, hey, He's like, God just told me to bless you. He was like, gave me like double what I had already, like what I was making.

00:27:51
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:27:51
Speaker 1: So I was like, God, okay, you can really being faithful, Like I see what you're doing.

00:27:56
Speaker 3: Lord.

00:27:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I used to, like I remember being so broke when I first moved to LA and I was like, I'm trying to stay faithful, but I can.

00:28:02
Speaker 3: Really use this extra sixty dollars.

00:28:05
Speaker 1: Left.

00:28:06
Speaker 3: And I know that some people feel like, you know, like when you're giving, you know, like they tell you to give your offerings in church, but you don't have to always do it at the church. I get people money all the time. Like I hear stories of some of my employees struggling, I can't pay their rent, or this, that and the third exactly, and I blessed them with beause they're doing the right thing. So I'll be feeling like, yeah, I don't have to be at church to give, you know, I could just give to people.

00:28:32
Speaker 1: You know. I had asked my dad that one day. I was like, Dad, I was like, I got all this money. I was like, do I have to like give this to the church or what if there's like a foundation, or if I want to like take needy families on a shopping free or if I allocate some of this money for different things. He's like absolutely, So I still send money to the church, but I also take some of the extra money and be like, hey, I want to give to this foundation, I want to help this person. Same thing, because sometimes people think that that's the only way to give, you know, because I look at what my churches do and they do amazing things. But I was like, I can do that too, and I feel like it still serves the same purpose. You know.

00:29:11
Speaker 3: My mom she was like she'd be calling me every now and they're like, can you give a donation to the church. Yeah, but next Sunday she'll call me, can you give it? No, like I'll give. I'll give like from my heart when I want to, not because you want me to, Like, I don't like that. I don't like to do stuff like that. I like to do it when I want to do it. Yeah, you know you gotta put it on your hair. Not because you feel like I should be giving my money to your.

00:29:38
Speaker 1: Church because it makes you look good.

00:29:39
Speaker 3: I don't even go to your church.

00:29:42
Speaker 1: That church is not hitting me.

00:29:46
Speaker 3: Yeah that's just crazy. But yeah, I love giving to people and being able to help. I love it.

00:29:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's why you so was. I tell people all the time, like I've had friends and even family members that I wanted to figure out why that like nothing's really moving. I'm like, you sing, yeah, you gotta you know what I'm saying. You gotta help people, bless people, be nice. And they're like, okay, cause I'm like I'm just saying. I was like, I'm trying to give you a blueprint here. Yes, true, I'm trying to give you the blueprint I am. Yeah, let's talk about your kids. So you have a daughter a son that I know it was. It doesn't so, dang, how many kids are gonna get me?

00:30:25
Speaker 3: Oh no, I'm thinking green kids?

00:30:27
Speaker 1: Remember yeah, the grandkids didn't got then go yes, God in the sun. What was it like cause I know you were taking we were in prison when they were young?

00:30:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, really young?

00:30:38
Speaker 1: What was that like? Getting back with him after that? Was it tough? And what's that relationship?

00:30:42
Speaker 3: So? Yeah, So you know, once I got out of prison, I wanted to the his m my uh ex husband's mom was supposed to just give me the kids back when I got out, but of course that didn't happen.

00:30:56
Speaker 1: Mm.

00:30:56
Speaker 3: She wanted uh me to go to court. And you know that once you get out of prison, you gotta work. You gotta show some history, you gotta have a stable life. Yeah yeah, so I was really upset. So it took me probably three years after I got out to be able to show that I was stable because of course, remember I told you how to go to school. I had to find me a place, and it took me about three years to go to court get the kids back. It. It was real challenging at that time, and I was super depressed about it because I had already been taken away from them, and then to get out and then have to, you know, show my life that I'm capable and worthy of being in their life. It was a challenging process for me, but you know, I got them back, needless to say, and you know, we've been through some times because even though he wasn't in my life, I still had to raise them by myself, and so the things that I thought was right raising them was basically giving them everything, making sure we lived in the best places, and making sure they had the best clothes, went to the best schools. All that I didn't find out till now that they're older, that that wasn't important to them. And it was very hurtful and disheartening for them to tell me that because I felt like I was doing everything right, getting the best, but they felt like, you weren't at my gains, you weren't this, and you weren't there. How could I be there if I was the only bread winner, you know, I was the one who was taking care of everybody right, So you know, they still hold that against me, you know, still to this day, and it's very disheartening, you know, but I did the best that I knew how to do as a parent with what I had been dealt with, you know.

00:32:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, so wow, And they're grown now, so all my hope is that they realized mom was doing the best she could with what she knew to do. Oh absolutely, you know, because that was something that I finally can't agree with with my parents, they were just doing what And I think it's adults we end up learning that like dang, like because they we see, like dang, they were really just doing the best they could with what they knew. It's like a generational thing, you know.

00:33:21
Speaker 3: I mean my parents didn't grow up saying I love you and all that. I didn't get all that nurturing and all that stuff, like you know, so it was it's even hard to this day in relationships, you know, saying I love you like I was gonna ask you. I used to that. It's like, how do you say it? It feels weird? You know, it feels does affection feel weird? You know? It used to. I'm learning I'm learning now to like it, but before like that was weird.

00:33:51
Speaker 1: Like yeah, yeah, I can imagine then we want to be touched, right, Yeah, for most reasons.

00:34:00
Speaker 3: I can totally understand that.

00:34:03
Speaker 1: You set you mentioned even like with your children, j after getting out of prison, having still having to prove yourself. You know, I feel like that's been like a a thing that keeps coming up. I had to prove myself. I never felt worthy. Yeah, I'm happy that you're n finally to a place now where you feel that, you know what I'm saying, that fulfillment, that worthiness to know that like I do deserve this. Yeah, and I'm good. Yeah, you know, Yeah, that's good. And I hope that your kids, Ya, your kids. I love your kids, two amazing individuals. I hope that they see even with their own kids. You know, I know your daughter has children. I hope that she sees that she's doing the best that she can and can at some point see herself in you. Right, you know what I'm saying, cause that'll make that makes all the difference. Yeah, you know, And that's all a mom really wants to hear, Like I get in mon, Yeah, you did the best you could.

00:34:49
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:34:50
Speaker 1: But I do understand too, coming from a p a home where my both my parents worked, one of the one of them at least tried to be there for everything, But my dad missed a lot because he was always working like one or two jobs, at least two jobs at once. And as a kid, you do want that, you know. It's like that that didn't matter. And I would look at my friends that lived in the hood where all they had was family because they didn't have the other thing.

00:35:15
Speaker 3: That's so crazy you said that lived in hood because I remember my son saying, I got friends who live in the projects and they just as happy. You know what I'm saying. He say, they don't have nothing and they happy. And I was like, well, go your ass shit, and that's what school to do.

00:35:32
Speaker 1: I'll let you be there.

00:35:33
Speaker 3: Yeah shit. I mean he used to make me feel guilty all the time, like it was so crazy, and still to this day he still makes me feel guilty.

00:35:43
Speaker 1: Yeah I hate that.

00:35:45
Speaker 3: Yeah, me too, I do.

00:35:46
Speaker 1: Because you hope at some point they'd be like, I.

00:35:49
Speaker 3: Know, because they like and you still we still having these conversations.

00:35:54
Speaker 1: You're gonna let me live, right, Mama got to have a life too.

00:35:59
Speaker 3: When you say, okay, i'm'a let you, i'm'a let you have that. You did what you could. Yeah, so we gonna move forward.

00:36:07
Speaker 1: Right, I don't know. Yeah, no, I I I get it. As a child who was on the opposite end, like the same with the same thing. I always be l look at my friends in the hood and be like or I would go hang with him and I'd be like, dang, it's like a lot of love here, you know. But my pa, it was love in my h household too, but it was shown a different way. Making sure we had a nice roof over our head, making sure we had a car, making sure we had clothes. Yeah, all the things, vacations, you know, saying making sure we got a new wardrobe every season, like things did My friends in the hood probably even get even know what that was like, you know, but it was something about just the love and the fun they had the families to have fun in the hood. That's crazy, he said that, cause I used to say the same thing.

00:36:53
Speaker 3: Make conversation, right, why shut up?

00:36:57
Speaker 1: I love it? I love it. So what is next Forgochet? Like, I know you have the restaurants you just started franchising. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, girl, you're out of here.

00:37:12
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:37:12
Speaker 1: How much is it what it costs you can get a s ballpark?

00:37:14
Speaker 3: Figure?

00:37:15
Speaker 1: If somebody's watching and wants to franchise.

00:37:18
Speaker 3: So if they wanted to franchise, we sell our franchises for thirty five thousand.

00:37:22
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, so kind of like Chick fil A, Cause Chick fil A isn't that it seems to be there.

00:37:25
Speaker 3: But you guys, you gotta have this networth and all this money and yeah implicated as Chick fil A because you know, Chick fil A, you have to be you know, Christian and all this stuff.

00:37:40
Speaker 1: Got some stipulations.

00:37:42
Speaker 3: We love you, Chick fil A. We just want you to be passionate about it.

00:37:46
Speaker 5: Okay, I know that's right, but but my thing, like even with my fa uh franchise, I want you to be a owner operator, not just someone who can buy the franchise and get open.

00:38:00
Speaker 3: I want you to actually care about the product, the brand, and care about the people.

00:38:05
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, Now do your recipes go along with every franchise that they have their own menus.

00:38:11
Speaker 3: So we are going to make the recipes for them and batch them. Yeah, move her to have a cole packer so they have to buy it from us. You smart?

00:38:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, big boss energy and y'all, and I get these recipes okay at.

00:38:25
Speaker 3: All because we want to make sure that it's consistent all the way through every brand.

00:38:29
Speaker 1: And that's what I love about your restaurants. Every time I go, everything tastes like it tasted the last time or the first time I fell in love with. It's like, oh, I can't wait to get back and either and then it's like, because you know, you go to some restaurants, you're like, oh, I can't wait to go get them laves of buce and you go on this and do not hit me.

00:38:44
Speaker 3: Or sometimes you can order I can order something at a restaurant today and then I turn around say, oh, I'm gonna get that again, like another appetite, the same sitting right yeah, and it come out and it don't even taste saying I'd be like what happened right y? Yeah?

00:38:58
Speaker 1: It be weird.

00:38:59
Speaker 3: So I'm big on consistency for sure.

00:39:03
Speaker 1: That's good. So if you were to give any young woman or young man advice on entrepreneurship, because this is what you. You are a serial entrepreneur, a woman who has literally figured it out.

00:39:13
Speaker 3: Yeah have you?

00:39:14
Speaker 1: I know you did a book. What was your first book.

00:39:16
Speaker 3: Called Ten Steps to being a Boss.

00:39:18
Speaker 1: See okay, Ten Steps to being a boss. Make sure you guys check that out. It'll probably give you everything you have to say in depth though, so make sure you go check that out. But if you could tell them something, what would you tell them so that they can know? Okay, these are things I need to do to even get started.

00:39:34
Speaker 3: Number one, I would say, be knowledgeable about whatever it is that you would like to do. Be consistent, persistent, and make sure that you are pushing out a quality product. You know, the product is very important. And just making sure that you understand that you gonna get some nose. You're not gonna always get a yes. Might not be your first, second, third, fourth, but don't give up because it's not easy and you just have to continue to go. You gotta have drive, gotta have passion.

00:40:18
Speaker 1: And because you be up early.

00:40:21
Speaker 3: With my work never stops. It don't never stops, no matter how big I get. Yeah, it never stops.

00:40:30
Speaker 1: And you'd be like, turn the my mouth. I can't.

00:40:33
Speaker 3: I know it's put the find that I can't. Yeah, I'm like, oh my god, I try to have a work life balance, but I really don't know what that means. Yeah, I feel like when you are a entrepreneur, it's just get it when I can. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

00:40:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good. Hopefully you can find that balance soon.

00:40:55
Speaker 3: I hope so, I mean, I'm not really looking for it, but I hope so.

00:40:58
Speaker 1: Yeah. Right, Oh that's right. I know, that's right. That's because I know people want to know that. Like, I'm sure that's a question. One of the viewers would ask you, when it comes to everything that you've been through in your life and we look at forgiveness, how have you been able to forgive the people that have done me wrong? Or have you not? Well that deep breath she said, how I mean, have you been able to do that? Or do you just like some things just need to be left have said, and you know.

00:41:32
Speaker 3: I did approach only one person that did me wrong as far as my lestation. I did approach them. I did tell them that, hey, what you did to me affected me and it has affected me my entire life still to this day. And they didn't say anything.

00:41:57
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me? How old were you?

00:42:01
Speaker 3: That was probably about like when that had when they were doing that to you. Oh yeah, I had to be about twelve.

00:42:09
Speaker 1: See, at that age, you don't even really know what's happening to you. You don't just you know what I'm saying, you don't know. And I've had people open up and say that they were molested by cousins or uncles, uh, even women, would you know what I'm saying, vice versa have done that. And I as a child, you don't know what's happening to you. You know what I'm saying. You don't know what's going on as your hormones and stuff starting to kick in and you can feel certain things, you're like, CLA, I think I kind of like that, but you don't understand why this person's doing that to you. M. You know what I'm saying. So it's like a complete mind fuck. It literally is. And he's probably thinking, oh, yeah, she doesn't you know what I'm saying. She probably won't remember that or she's not gonna sing it.

00:42:49
Speaker 3: And even when I told other family members M, they didn't believe me. No, they didn't believe me at all. So I I I always think about other kids who are going through that today and no one's listening, no one believes them, you know, So it was hard. Even those people, you know, I've had to who didn't believe me. I've had to ask for forgiveness, you know, for me for being mad at.

00:43:20
Speaker 1: Them, because yeah, they didn't believe it, you know.

00:43:26
Speaker 3: And so I just asked the Lord to you know, help me get through it and to forgive these people. But I definitely don't forget.

00:43:38
Speaker 1: No, it's hard to forget.

00:43:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, don't forget for sure, I mean. And that affected me through my kids because it was like I didn't want to let my kids go to people's house spend the night who had me in at their houses and my kids they never understood it.

00:43:55
Speaker 1: Come here.

00:43:55
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's how I was.

00:43:57
Speaker 6: Like.

00:43:57
Speaker 3: My daughter used to be mad at me all the time because I would not let her go to people's house. Wow, I spend the night.

00:44:04
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, they didn't get it. But you were protecting them.

00:44:06
Speaker 3: But I told her at some point, you know, when she got older and why I did that. Yeah, So some of those people she still hasn't forgiven, you know. But no, we were just talking about the other day. She was like, oh, I'm still mad, and I was like, how can you still be mad when I'm you know, like I've already forgiven them, so why are you still mad with you?

00:44:28
Speaker 1: But it's just like still, Yeah, it's like that situation when, like you say, relationship and that person does you wrong. Yeah you can get over, but we can't. Yeah, you know so.

00:44:39
Speaker 3: And that's why I tell people all the time, be careful what you tell your parents about your relationships and your friends because certain things they do not forgive.

00:44:48
Speaker 1: And yeah they don't. Y.

00:44:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, you have to be careful and the information that you share. Yeah, someone's not doing you right.

00:44:56
Speaker 1: Yeah that is so true.

00:44:58
Speaker 3: That is so true.

00:44:59
Speaker 1: But anyone out there who is feeling it weird about anything or I don't know if there's any young girls that watch I mean, I know there's young girls that watch the show, but that maybe going through something like that, please speak up, Please say something, because those people need to be stopped. And I pray that you have someone in your family that listens to you, because I can't imagine growing up and like and then getting to the point where you confront the person and they just they have nothing.

00:45:28
Speaker 3: To say nothing.

00:45:30
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I can't imagine. But you have like literally turned out to be such a I mean, I they probably watching like, dang, God had his hand on her, yeah cause look at her.

00:45:42
Speaker 3: And I think about that all the time when I think about my journey.

00:45:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I.

00:45:46
Speaker 3: I look and I be like, God, God like he continuously blesses me. And I said, I think he'd be like, I'm gonna do this for you cause you've been through this and you know you had this rough like I got you, Like I really be believing that it my.

00:46:02
Speaker 1: I believe that when I hear people's stories and then I see how God has blessed him, I really do feel like He's it's almost like a even saying like I got you, Like just know that I know what you went through, but I don't know why it had to happen. I can't explain that part. But I've seen when I hear people's stories, I'm like, oh my God, you went through that, and then I see how God could like bless them tremendously. Yeah, I've thought the same way.

00:46:31
Speaker 6: I think that all the God be like, yeah, have you had enough? Oh that's it you Because I'd be like he say, if you tell somebody this happened to you, and this happened, they would not believe that you went through so much stuff and you're still here today and you're still positive and you're still striving, Like nobody would believe like if I ever, like literally told every single thing that happened to me, nobody would believe it like this. One person could not have experienced this much stuff period.

00:47:11
Speaker 1: Wow, Yeah, that's crazy. I'm just I want to say I'm proud of you. I'm proud of the woman that you become. I'm proud that you did not let all the odds that were stacked up against you prevail. And I'm just so proud of you and thank you for coming because I know somebody's be blessed from this conversation. We touched on a lot of things, but i just want to say thank you and I'm so proud.

00:47:33
Speaker 3: Of you, happy to have been here. Oh my gosh, I love it.

00:47:39
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. So this is my favorite part. This is where the listeners write in, ask us a question, tell us that a little scenario whatever they're going through, and we give them advice. All right, so it's positive outcomes. This letter is from Melody. She says, Hi, Crystal, my name is Melody. I'm from North Carolina. I absolutely love an endor you. I'm so proud of you, and just know I'm a die hard Fatima fan, but an even more Crystal fan, I can relate so much to you in the stories that you shared on your podcast. I'm a single mother of four adult children. I was once married in high school to my high school sweetheart. We went our separate ways after sixteen years of marriage. I'm educated, well rounded, and I love God. After divorce, I started to learn to focus a lot on myself and rededicate my life to Christ. I've always prided myself on trying to do the right things, set good examples, show people grace. But it seems as if I'm always overlooked. I felt that before Melody, since my ex husband and I had one situationship that led nowhere simply loving a man who was not capable of loving me back, and most recently, I was overlooked for promotion that I know darn well I deserved. My feelings has really hurt, more so because my supervisor, who I love dearly, rooted for another person and bragged me a bit it. How do I continue to walk in grace when I literally feel like doing the right thing gets me nowhere but overlooked. The encourager needs encouraging, Melody, Ooh, the encouraging needs encouraging. Oh my god, I feel your paying Melody. I think we both have been here at some point in our lives. I have not been married before, Melody, but I can say that I know what it's like to feel overlooked. Just speaking for my career, I was overlooked for ten years, like literally for ten years, knowing that I had something that I could do it. I knew I could do it, I knew I could be an amazing actor, but nobody believed in me except for me. And for those years, I literally continue to encourage myself and kept encouraging myself and saying, Hey, Crystal, this is what you really want to do. You just got to keep qushing, sweetie. But for you know that your fate is not in the hands of your supervisor. It is not in the hands of me who are overlooking you, because I too have felt that too. Where Like for the past few years, I felt like I was overlooked by men. Me and my girls. We would go out and I'm like, nobody approaches me, like, nobody says anything. I'm like, goodness, like I just wanna date. Like it was hard to even find men that would approach me today cause I wasn't going up to know me and be like, what's up. You know what I'm saying. I wasn't doing that, but I definitely understand how hard it is. I would say that you need to continue to poor intimility, poor INTI melody, and don't look for that from anybody else, cause you know, I feel like sometimes we're looking for everybody else to pour into just when we had to take time to pour into ourselves.

00:50:38
Speaker 3: Yeah, we would just.

00:50:38
Speaker 1: Talk about yeah, yeah, yeah, so that's what I would say. What would you tell her grossht.

00:50:43
Speaker 3: I would say pretty much did ooh, same thing, And I would say to not give up on yourself. And as far as the job part, I would not be upset because someone else got the promotion. I would continue to work, you know, on bettering myself. As far as my career, I would talk to my supervisor about it, and I would see if there's other opportunities on the table, and not only other opportunities, I would start seeking elsewhere for other opportunities that I know I'm worthy of. For sure.

00:51:24
Speaker 1: I love that. That's good. That's good melody. I hope this advice hits you home and like you receive it, and I hope it helps. Okay, all right, Gosha, We're gonna do what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. So you watched the podcast, so you know how this goes. So as it pertains to this episode, always like to tie it into what we talked about I am going through. I'm going through trying to figure out when it's okay to let go and when you should hold on, you know, And that's what relationships, that's with friendships, that's with family all across the board, even in Koreas. Like trying to find time okay, is just still serving me working on that cause I have a heart, you know, like I always want to be like I just want to I wanted you know, I'm saying I always want the best for people. I wanted to work out and sometimes I hold on too long. But I'm working on that. And then what I'm growing through I am I'm always growing through trying to not be in control of everything. I think. I feel like I said it all the time, but it is something I really am growing.

00:52:43
Speaker 3: You took my words like that's it, that's it. Don't even so. I feel like I am going through a time in my life where I'm realizing people things that are you know, right for me, the right people in my life. And I am growing through just trying to being able to delegate, being able to sit back and let my team career wise take the wheel. And so just being able to give up some of that control is very hard.

00:53:38
Speaker 1: For me because it's your baby.

00:53:40
Speaker 3: And I know that in order to go to the next level of where I want to be, I cannot always because me, I'm like, yes, I cannot be in control like that. So that's what I'm growing through.

00:53:57
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's good.

00:53:59
Speaker 3: And just understand myself better, my brands, my products. You know, I have retail products, So just understanding how this is how I'm going to be making money in my sleep. Hey, and not just continuously running running running myself.

00:54:18
Speaker 1: You know. Now, can you tell us what products I want people to know?

00:54:20
Speaker 3: If you can do, absolutely so my products. I have grits, pancakes, hot sauce, seasonings, all of these are coming out.

00:54:31
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. Within the next I feel like cooking with Chris and to you know, okay, so we need to do another lifestyle episode cooking with Chris. Have Gochet come in the kitchen. Use your products? Oh yes, yes, use your products because I love some pancakes, and I love you some grits, and I love I like hot sauce on my fried calfish. So yeah, we can do all the things we gotta do that that'd be amazing. So yeah, be on the lookout for that. And then the last thing we do is keep it blank, sweetie. And I'm gonna tell the people this week to keep it ambitious, Sweetie. I think what I'm taking from you today is ambition and drive. So I will tell you all my entrepreneurs out there, everybody out there, keep it ambitious. What about you? What do you got to keep it safe?

00:55:32
Speaker 3: Keep it positive? Negativity, baby, period.

00:55:40
Speaker 1: We thrive off of positivity. That's why I love you because you'd be like now, you don't play that, you be like positivity for I love it. I love legotiate. Thank you so much, thank you. I appreciate you coming. Guys. I hope you enjoyed this episode. If you want to write into our Positive Outcomes listener letter, you can write into keep It Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com and that's Sweetie with an Ie and you can follow me on all platforms at love l U V. Chrystal Renee Gach tell them where they can find you.

00:56:10
Speaker 3: You can find me at go Chase, breakfast bar dot com, Go Tapas bar dot com, and all social media Go Schey Hawkins.

00:56:21
Speaker 1: Yes, that's it. Make sure you guys check her restaurants out. She has two. You have two breakfast bars one and a tapas bar so and a food truck. So you have no reason not to get it because she has you covered on all fronts, all right, make sure you check it out. I promise you you will not be disappointed. Everything on the menu is good like there's not one thing and I'm y'all know I don't play it by my food, So make sure you guys are able to check it out. In the meantime, you know what to do. Keep it positive, so keep it going. That's right by y'all.