Dr. Tina J. Ramsey: Transforming Challenges into Advocacy – Navigating Autism with Resilience and Community Support

Welcome to Why Not Me the World? Podcast hosted by
Tony Mantor, Broadcasting from Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee. Join
us as our guests tell us their stories. Some will
make you laugh, some will make you cry. Real life
people who will inspire and show that you are not
alone in this world. Hopefully you gain more awareness, acceptance,
and a better understanding for autism around the world. Hi,
I'm Tony Mantor. Welcome to Wind Not Me the World.
Today we have the privilege of hosting doctor Tina J. Ramsay,
who has an incredible story and journey to share. As
a respected author, podcaster, and TV show host, she has
accomplished a great deal. Most notably, she is here to
discuss her personal experience with her autistic son. It's an
honor to have her on our show. How are you
doing today?
It's going pretty good. No need to complain.
Well, even if we did complain, it's not going to
do us any good. Anyways, I appreciate you coming on.
If you would tell us how you became an advocate
for autism.
Well, as far back as I can remember, I always
love to be a voice for the voiceless. So my
mom and dad used to have me doing a lot
of volunteer work when I was younger, so I kind
of carried on in my adult years.
And I just loved.
The special I don't really like say special needs. I
like to say learning differences community.
So I went to.
School because I really wanted to be a childcare provider.
That's what I wanted to go to school for. But
once I went to college, I changed my mind and
I said, I want to do childhood development with the
specialty of special needs and you know, learning psychology and
sociology and all that good stuff like that, And so
that's what I ended up going to school for. And
I just love, love working with the community, and so
that's how it initially started.
Yeah, that's how initially started. I guess how I'll tell.
You a little bit about how my life changed a
little bit.
You say that your life changed. How did it impact you?
Okay, So it impacted me in the way that I
saw that it was a breakdown of communication between the
parents and the administrators and the child with their parents,
and then the parents I mean, and then the child
with the teachers, and mostly in the community where I worked,
which would be children.
Guess on the autism specce Trump that.
Had various different learning I would say disabilities. I really
don't like the terminology that I love learning differences because
I just feel like it's just a different way of learning.
And so what basically happened, that's how I got into it,
and that's how it started changing. And so when I
saw that, I was kind of like a liaison because
even though I had a.
Nonverbal child, but yet I was.
Able to understand the nonverbal communication that can be understood
as being aggressive not wanting to listen.
It was just something that I could I could read
it right.
And I was like, no, they just say they're hungry,
you know. No, they just say that they don't like that.
You know, the sound is too loud, you know. And
so I was that person that.
The individual will come to the children feel very comfortable
with me.
I could calm the children down, and I just realized
that I found my way through the eyes of thest
beautiful children. And I was just honored that Number one,
they trusted me. Number two, I was able to bridge
that gap. Number Three, I just love setting their little
eyes light up when they are able to do something
new because you figured out the way that they learn,
and now I'm just thinking about it now. The children
that many of the teachers is like, oh, they're just
a lost cause. I'm like, no, there's no children that's
a lost cause. Seeing them do things for the first time,
building up their confidence, I just love it.
Yeah, And so that's when I.
Saw I could actually make an impact on my job,
you know when I used to work in the public
school system.
Yeah, that's so rewarding. Now, did you say that you
have a child that's nonverbal.
I did not have a child that is non verbal
in the beginning, So this is a little interesting.
In the beginning, my child was that.
Child dance, was hitting all the milestones that you're supposed
to hit. Okay, this is the controversial or my child
at eighteen months got the eighteen month old shots, and
my whole world changed. My son was literally walking. He
was babbling it two months. He was walking by six months.
And when he got run about that eighteen month old shot,
he took all the shots and he started running a fever.
And when he ran the fever, he changed. The light
behind his eyes went dim.
He started hitting hisself, screaming, not talking anymore, could not walk,
everything just totally changed after these shots. So mine is
a little bit different because it wasn't always that way.
It just changed after he got those eighteen month old shots.
And so here I am a mother that did all
the right things according to the books, and then now
I don't know what to do. And then I'm faced
with the dilemma of even though I had all this experience,
I must admit, it was very hard for me to
accept that my child could have a learn difference.
It was very, very difficult.
I went through the now, I went through anger, I
went through disbelief. I tell people it was very hard
being on the other side, even though I worked with
parents when in four seven, even though I helped so
many families, but now it was me, and I had
a very very difficult time adjusting because it flipped my
whole world inside out and it was something that I
didn't prepare for.
I never even thought that this could.
Be me, right, even though I saw all these people,
you know, I was like, why me?
You know, So it was a little difficult.
So he was nonverbal from the age of after the
eighteen months all the way up to about three and
a half years old, and then he wasn't talking that much.
Then it was.
Maybe we taught him some sign language, you know, to
go to the bathroom, you know, different little things, so
we would know, but he didn't really start talking toil
he was maybe five six years old.
How old is he now?
Well, now he's eighteen.
Oh, okay, now that we know that he's eighteen. What
did his formative years look like? He was nonverbal at five,
now at eighteen he is. How did he get through
his teen years and evolve to what he is today?
Well, it was very difficult because in the beginning my
children was in public school.
I have a daughter that is older. My son is
the baby.
Being that he had, you know, a different way of communicating.
He really got bullied a lot.
My son also have what they call in school medical sensitive.
It's just another word of saying your child stays sick
all the time, low immune system. So we had to
deal with him being on different medications, being asthmatic, and
then some of the medicine and steroids will interact with
his behavior or it was just a.
Lot of different things that kind of like had us
in a whirlwind due to that.
And then he's taken from what they call normal class
and put into a controlled environment where everybody know. It
just kind of like shifted dynamic and he was bullied
a lot.
He was very sad.
He was that child that wanted to have a lot
of friends.
Yeah, that's really tough to take now you got him
through up to the eighteen. Neurotypical kids have a tough
time during the teens with the hormones raging and all
the different things that's happening. So it's even tougher a
lot of times on kids that are neurodiversion. How did
your son handle that time in his life?
Well, I would say this we because, like I said,
he was in public school for a while, and then
round about second grade we took him out and we
homeschool both of our children. Now he wasn't getting bullied
every single day at school, but we had to get
used to now homeschool and making sure he still has socialization,
making sure he could still get the training and stuff
now we had him in homeschool, co ops and everything
like that. Dealing with the teen years, say, is very
interesting because what I tell parents is the child that
you have when your child is before puberty is not
the same child once they hit puberty.
So what worked then with education and all.
The different things that we did, even with things that
he liked, it was like I had a completely different child, okay,
and I.
Was like, what am I going to do?
And now puberty and so for us it was difficult
in the beginning, but once we learned his life and
I had to sit down with him and have conversations
with him about, Okay, how are you feeling, I put
him in this class that actually help you be able
to express yourself socially, even though I taught him, but
I want him to learn from somebody else to build
up his communication skills. And then I put him in
situations where he had to communicate with other people.
And it helped out a lot.
And I also made him very comfortable with it's okay
not to be a people pleaser.
It's very difficult, even as for an adult.
And so I'm happy to say that overall it started
off blumpy, but it ended up we're calm. We in
the calm. We eighteen, were in the calm.
Now, well, that's really good to hear. Now that he's eighteen,
is he going to college? What's his life look like?
Now? Well? He was so happy that he made it
through high school. He was like, listen, college is not
for me.
Unless quote I quote like he does, it's teaching me
something that I need to do in order to work
the job that I want to work. So for us,
what I did because many parents don't realize that when
your child falls into what the state called special needs category,
they have different things like vocational rehab and different other
services that you can put your child in and they
will provide them with a career coach to be able
to help them with resume building, emotions, working with other people.
They have smaller side workplaces, so they put them in
real work environments and teach how to work with people.
So that's was our next step.
So my son is actually working and had a career coach,
and then they work with you, and then they work
with you to the point where they put you in
a real life job, so it's.
Like simulated work. But then they get you.
Once you get to the point you pass everything, then
they put you in a real job based upon what
your interests are. So they ask you what your interests
are and then they look around for businesses that will
work with the special needs community. And I'm seeing special
needs just because that's what we're talking about.
But I really don't like that terminology.
They actually will work with your There's certain jobs that
will work with the community, and so we found those
places that would fit what he liked.
And we have like a case worker.
We have different people that all works on the case
with him and also work with him. So if he
does have meltdowns or emotional whatever, we have people on
call that can actually be able to help and keep
him centered with this.
Yeah, that's very important. Lots of times parents feel alone
and every bit of help they can get is just
so important.
One of the main things that I hear a lot
of parents say, what am I gonna do once they
graduate high school?
What am I going to do?
Because you feel like, Okay, I had all the support
while they was in public school or their homeschool.
Now I don't have anything. But that's not true.
There are a lot of for the disabilities, different programming
that are catered to young adults to help them be
independent as possible, even programs to help them find roommates
to live by themselves to be independent. So there's so
many things. And if we have it over here in
the little town in South Carolina. I know they have
it in metropolitan cities and everything like that. So our
parents just to reach out and look for the resources available.
But right now he's worked.
And it's funny because I never thought right And it
was part of the advocating guy research.
I found out a lot of information.
I asked questions to provide him with the best that
I could do and also find the people that can
do even better than what I could do.
And so that was the key.
And stop being embarrassed because you don't know certain things.
It's okay ask questions.
Absolutely. One of the biggest fears that parents have is
when they find out their child is autistic. It's the unknown.
They don't know what to expect, they don't know what
to do, they don't know who to contact. There are
just so many questions. The biggest thing that you said
is just so important. Don't be afraid to ask questions
because you're advocating for your kid and they're.
So nervous because you already feel like you're under a microscope. Anyway,
sometimes they may feel afraid to even ask for certain
help because they don't want to be looked at as
a neglectful parent. Then why oh, you can't afford this,
or you can't do that, or why didn't you know this?
You know?
And so you have all of these worries in your
head because you want the best for your child, But
then you don't want to ask for help if it
means that you look the pun in a different way,
or it may put your child in a situation where
they may be forcibly removed from your home, or all
kind of different things.
Of the authorities that we hear that are not typical good.
Parents are afraid to ask for help because the only
comparison they have is the bad situations.
Of which they are not in.
I felt some of those same reservations as well, but
not to the point that I didn't do anything.
And now I'm one of.
Those parents that can go in and talk on any
platform dealing with special needs. And I'm pretty much that
not only a homeschooling athlecate, but a mother with a
child with autism advocate because of all the things they
saw what I did with my child, and they were like,
can you come train other parents? And I'm like, I like,
create a blue print and anything.
I mean, I can come speak to.
Them, and I mean it's not like I wrote it
down like okay, step one, this is what you do.
But yeah, so I'm just I'm just happy because in
my mind and compared to what you see, this is
not supposed to be the situation.
And so I'm just grateful for everything.
What are some of the things that you do now,
not only for those that actually need the help, but
for those that really need more understanding.
Well, one of the things that I did well myself,
I was a mother in a community on social media,
and then they asked me to come in and co
found the group because I put a lot of information in.
At first I said absolutely no.
No, but then I said I just wanted to give resources,
and then later on I said yes.
And that's been seven years ago.
Wow, that's great. How big has it grown for you?
This community community of about twenty four thousand homeschool parents
over the past seven years. Then I started a magazine
that actually addresses all the learning styles and actually bring
parents to write their stories about their experiences as well
as connected them with companies and resources to help their
children and also give them discounts on educational things. Right,
So I go and talk to different companies and be like, Okay,
I have a community. Okay, I have people that follow me,
I have a podcast, I have a TV show. If
you're not going to give me anything, can you at
least get them ten twenty fifteen.
Percent out if they use a cold. Even if I
don't get anything, can you do that? Can you do
it and give away?
Sure?
So I'm like okay, so and write blogs.
So that's what I have been doing personally in order
to kind of for the parents that are afraid to ask,
for the parents that are a little embarrassed to ask.
I see the questions.
Or they may reach out to me privately, and then
I'm like, okay, so a lot of parents probably have
the same question.
I don't put their names. I just make it a
question and we answer the question.
And then I bring people like lawyers to come in
and answer those questions of well being for your child,
thinking all the different things that sometimes you don't even
know to ask. To be honest with you, you don't
even know to ask. And so I bring those people
because it's not just about me at the end of
the day, It's about everyone that I know or meet
that I see that can bring value to this community.
So I don't know everything.
I wish I did, but I don't, and so I
just bring people together and like right now coming on
your amazing podcast and sharing my journey because I'm asked
to sharing more of my journey with you than I
ever did before. So I was like, it's time to
let a little bit more out, you know, just a
little bit more, because when I'm in public, on public stages,
I share a whole lot, but not interviews.
So I was like, Okay, I like his spirit. I'm
gonna come on and share a little bit more.
Well, I really appreciate that. I think you're doing a
great thing. So many parents have so many questions that
need to be answered. My podcast started just because of that.
When I first heard other podcasts out there, they were
just so clinical and so sterile. I just imagined if
I was a parent just finding out my child as autistic,
I would have been more confused than I was before
I started. So this podcast is just about information, just
like you're giving. The fact that you're giving so many
people information is just so good. That's what people need.
They need the support, and I think that's just great
that you're doing it. It is just so needed.
I one hundred percent agree. And I'm at the place.
Of my life where I went through most of the
phases that most parents haven't reached yet. I feel like
with having the experience that I have from having a
chagle from point one to point two and then to
the finish line, because the finish line is at least
getting them through high school. Of course they can go
to college. Oh s, why this has popped up in
my head? If your child do want to go to college?
And because my child has dyslexia, okay, he has all
of these depressed this called coolie. I mean he has
all of them right, just different levels of it. And
so one thing that I would like parents to know
is that the law protects your child and also provide resources.
So say, for example, your child is.
Dyslexic and they learn better with audio, they have a
difficult time comprehending reading. You can actually go to the
college and say, hey, my child he wants or she
wants to go to college. They're going to need some
assistance just in the curriculum to provide them with audio
books or video textbooks. They do provide audio and video
textbooks when necessary, and for students they have difficulty process
and information reading themselves. Else they can read, but they
don't comprehend it's good. They can request that their child
has a person read the test to them and they
answer the questions verbally. So there's so many things that
if parents only knew, because.
They may worry about you know, my child won't be able.
I know they're smart, but I know that they have
to get their information a certain type of way. There
are schools that will and colleges that will actually assist
with that, and their schools if your child.
Is very nervous about test.
Taking, their colleges accept them in without an SAT, without
the scores. Okay, there's so many different avenues and so
many advantages that we have now that we did not
have ten twenty years ago. Because people are more aware
of all these different things that are happening now, they
may not be as vocal with it at the colleges. Yeah,
and so I just want to tell them that just
in case they're feeling like, oh, I can't and they
have assistance financial assistance for your asked the questions. My
child got a full ride scholarship, took a whole coding
class eighteen hundred dollars, so I'm just saying answer questions
because no child left behind at is your best friend perfect?
Yeah, that's so true. You brought up a point about
fear two questions. What was your initial fear when he
was about five six years old? Now let's fast forward,
what is your fear today?
My hardest fear when I first got the diagnosis was
the same thing that I studied in school, that I
knew that it was not logical, it wasn't rational.
I was like, what did I do?
Was it something that I didn't take? What did I did?
Exactly what the test was said? So my worst fear
was like what can I do to make sure that
his life can be as full as possible?
And I was afraid that I would mess up?
Afraid that I would mess up, especially when I decided
to homeschool.
Okay, this is on me.
And my fear now my actually my fear was will
he be able to work at a job? You know,
will it be a job that be that he can
actually take.
Care of himself?
And yes, there are you know, you just have to
look for those specialty jobs. But that was then, and
now I guess the next one would be him building
a family. I think that would be my next one, like, okay,
because our community is so loving and sometimes the social
aspect is not.
You know, there are some people that take.
Advantage of the kind hearted nature of our children.
Unfortunately, you are correct there.
That is one of my fears if I had to
say it, because he is such a genuine person, and
to be honest, there are some heartless, ruthless people in
the world.
Unfortunately, that is so true. That's the fear of every parent.
I'm afraid you brought up a very interesting point. You
question yourself what you did? Did you do everything right?
That's what I've heard from just about every mother I've
spoken with. They have to learn how to look in
the mirror, realize that they didn't do anything wrong. Everything
they did was right. The fact that they have a
child that is autistic does not fall upon them. I
think your one hundred percent correct. Do not blame yourself?
Yeah, because you do.
And even though from an educational standpoint, I knew it
wasn't rational or logical because it wasn't anything that I
could have done to even cause this, But in my mind,
I'm like, what could I have done better?
If it was?
What is it that I've missed because as a parent,
you just want your children to be whole. You want
your children to be safe, you want to you want
them to just have the best of the best. But
then I realized that autism wasn't a disadvantage. I felt
it was a disadvantage because of all the stigma associated
with it. I thank God for my son now because
he opened up a piece in me that I didn't
know I had.
I'm more empathetic.
I see looking through the lenses of his eyes and
how he sees.
The world, how he comprehends the world.
It just made me look at things differently and make
me think because just thought process is totally different from
me and his sister and his father. So I would say, parents,
you're not at a disadvantage. Because I was the only
parent in my friends circle at the time that had
a child that was autistic, I often felt misunderstood, I
felt judged, I felt little, and I felt like I
was being judged as a bad parent.
Yeah, unfortunately, I've heard that from so many How do
people find you?
Well, they can go to see see our homeschooling dot com.
That is C because I know I'm country. That C
as in call t as in toms are As Enroad
Homeschooling dot com. You can also see the TV show
CTR Homeschooling TV on CTR Media Network, which streams on
Amazon fireTV, Rouku TV, Android tv iOS app, and Google Play.
And it's absolutely free for anyone to watch and you
can look forward that show up on the homeschool and
TV channel.
That's awesome. I really appreciate it. Is there one last
thing that you would like to leave us with.
I want you to look at your boy or your
girl that has autism as a window into the harder humanity.
Our children have a sense to be able to see
the world, experience the world in a way that so
called like normal people, which we you know the terminology,
can never experience. They feel different, they touch different, they
experience different.
I want you to take that time observe your child.
I took a whole year and just watch and observe
my child how he looked at flowers. And it also
opened me up to be able to be so internally
grateful that I have a child with autism. I guarantee
that child going to change your life forever because and.
Make you a better person for it. Because my baby
made me a better person.
That's just so awesome. Well, this has been great, great conversation,
great topics, great information. I really appreciate you coming on.
It's amazing because I have never heard of anyone doing
a podcast on a topic that they're not naturally familiar with.
Number one and number two, to actually get people to
come on that are familiar with the topic, which is
a sensitive topic to speak about autism, to come on
and feel comfortable. I have had several people ask me
to come on about alltisma ars and things and I'm like,
oh no, But with you, I was like, I'm coming
on this show. I am coming on this show red here.
So I mean, thank you for having me. I really
enjoyed it.
Yeah, me too, I really had a great time. Thanks again.
Thanks for taking the time out of your busy schedule
to listen to our show today. We hope that you
enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you.
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